The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Tips to Live Longer that I Learned from Almost Dying
Ever think you might want to live longer than the national average life expectancy? It’s 79 years old, by the way. That doesn’t work for me. I’m aiming for 103. Life goals people. I want to live longer, bolder and fiercer. I want every moment to be packed full of living.
There are very few things that can get me to change my entire life. My children are the reason I want to live longer but other than that, I’m a creature of habit and not all of those habits are good ones. I mean, I’m not smoking crack or anything but I’ve been known to say (on more than one occasion) that I’d rather work out for 3 hours than give up my carbs and I meant it, every single time.
The thing is sometimes those things are taken out of your hands and your only option is to give up the proverbial carbs, or in my case, the literal carbs. That’s what happened to me. Can you say morbidly obese, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetic and anemic? Yeah, that will make you change your, “I’d rather workout for 3 hours than give up my carbs” mantra really quick. I thought I was special.
It reminded me that time is fleeting and I want to live longer… a lot longer.
Well, not really special but I thought, it can wait. Like you, I’ve always been the kind of mom who puts my kids first sometimes to my own detriment. It’s just I want them to fondly remember me as the best.mom.ever.
I don’t pretend that we are friends. They hate my guts sometimes because I am “so mean” because I make them do things like eat vegetables and get their homework done. There will be plenty of time for bonding like friends when they are grown. Right now, my mission is to love them, keep them safe and raise good human beings so sometimes I have to be unpopular. Eye rolls be damned. Besides, I know they love me because they hug me while they are rolling their eyes.
Anyways, back to me, because I am embracing this new “selfish mom” era of motherhood. I had an incident recently, that I truly thought was a heart attack. Went to the doctor with 187/107 blood pressure. Was literally freaking out. Suddenly, no carbs in exchange for my not-quite midlife sounded pretty damn good. I was beyond bargaining and was begging the universe to let me have another chance.
Are you there God, it’s me Deborah and I’m going to need to live longer!
Well, after lots of tests, I found out that I did not have a heart attack. Thank Goodness. But everything else I’d feared was right there in my chart confirming my suspicions, I had been ignoring my own health for way too long.
Eating cold food on the run or late at night after everyone else is taken care of is not good for you. Never taking the time to work out to lose the baby weight (for 11 years) because you are too busy rushing kids to their sports, definitely not good for you. Never looking at labels because you know what’s good for you, surprisingly not good for you. Eating out…so terrible for you. But I live in the real world and I want to keep doing so. So, I’m changing all of my bad habits with the hope of being able to live longer.
Here’s how I am making little changes that will help me live longer and be healthier.
Shaking my bootie
I’ve started at the bare bones. I’m moving. No, not across the country to a weight loss commune. I’m moving my body, morbidly obese as it may be. I, like you, don’t have a lot of extra time in my day so I am designating 30-45 minutes a day where I dance all over my house with the music blaring. I know I dance like Sam Rockwell but I don’t care I am moving. It makes me happy and it feels good.
A couple other things, I’ve gotten myself a Lotus desk stand so that I will no longer be sitting all day. In fact, I’ll probably be dancing at my desk. I’m probably dancing right now. The Lotus™ Sit-Stand Workstation features Smooth Lift Technology™ to keep your workstation stable and make changing positions from sitting to standing effortless. Lotus is an easy to use, adjustable and worry free setup engineered with the durability to transition working positions throughout the day. Numerous studies have confirmed that sitting for prolonged periods of time is harmful to your health.
Another thing, I’m walking. Why sit or stand when you can walk. Park further away, take the stairs, just do it.
Writing stuff down
Also, like I told my mother (who was not amused at all) thanks to my past history with eating disorders, I am a dynamite list maker and a pretty damn restrictor. I’ve channeled that into something good, I am logging all of my food into my phone and then I am keeping an actual list of all the calories, carbs, saturated fat, cholesterol, sodium and fiber that I am getting. Sounds daunting right? You know what’s even more daunting, being dead. Missing my girls grow up, so lists it is!
Making better choices
I am making informed decisions about what I put into my body. I have my guidelines and I am following them. I do believe everything in moderation so if I can fit what I am craving within the parameters of what I am allowed to have on that day, then I have it. I’m eating cleaner with lots more fresh fruits and veggies, no red meat, lots of lean meat and being very aware of the dairy I put into my body and only eating whole grains. Yes, it is an adjustment. My family is ready to murder me in my sleep for all the sneaky veggies that I’ve been feeding them. My daughter was not amused when she found out that her popcorn chicken was actually baked cauliflower with honey garlic sauce. She thought it was amazing until her sister ratted me out.
Letting it Go
Last but not least, I am letting stuff go. I am a long-time, Type-A perfectionist. I have doctor verified control issues but I am like a dog with a bone when it comes to issues that bother me. I can’t let anything go. I’m a fighter but with that comes stress and worry, which are two pointless emotions. They serve no purpose other than to make your situation worse so I’m stepping back, counting to 10 and recognizing my limits. If kids don’t get their homework done, I can’t stay up until 3 a.m. finishing. If the house can’t be perfect, so be it. I can’t make everyone happy. If you are someone who stresses me out, I’m probably not going to be answering the phone or interacting anytime soon.
I want to surround myself with positivity. That’s it. I want to live and I want to be healthy so I have to make it happen. I have to be selfish so that I can be around to be a good wife and mother. My dreams will never come true if I’m dead so I am embracing my new lifestyle.
It’s only been 11 days but I’ve lost 11 pounds and I feel better than I have in ages. This change is not only good for my mind and body, it’s good for my soul. I can see things more clearly when my mind is still and I can focus. So this is me becoming the best version of myself.
Since beginning this journey, I have found a lot of great family-friendly healthy recipes and discovered new and exciting ways to be active at home, with your family or by yourself and I will be sharing them all here along the way. It’s not as hard as I thought, with the right motivation.
What are you doing to live longer so that you can see your little ones grow up and you can grow old with your special someone?
2017/02/14
How Rock Band Karaoke and Pomtini’s Saved One Mom’s Sanity
Things have been hectic, to say the least, around here the last few months. There was a time \, not so long ago, when I was positive that I would lose my mind at any moment. The girls realized that they outnumbered me during the week and they decided that was the time to strike.
Devious little boogers they are, it seemed as though they were plotting and conniving to make my life a living hell while their father was away. I was certain that they were striving to make me go mad. They almost succeeded. Oh yeah, they almost broke me. You know that feeling you get when the day is just too long, the kids haven’t listened at all, the laundry is piled to the ceiling, toys have exploded all over the living room, and the children have definitely been possessed by a demon of some sort? Yeah, that’s the kind of few months I was having.
READ ALSO: How to survive a commuter marriage with a part-time parent
Then one night, after a string of hectic days culminating with Bella’s 5th birthday, my husband suggested that I come downstairs and play Rock band with him, my brother, my sister and her fiance. It was a very typical family gathering of our bunch. I have always loved to sing but not exactly thrilled about singing into a microphone in front of people. I wasn’t sure Rock band was my thing. Isn’t that more for prepubescent teen rock band wannabes and frat boys? But it was amongst family, they were drinking, my husband made me a Pomtini (the girls had finally went to bed) and……a star was born.
I sang the hell outta “Take another little piece of my heart”, “We got the Beat”. “Linger”, even a little “Painkiller”! I was in a zone and having the time of my life. I was in my basement, drinking Pomtinis with my favorite people in the world and singing like no one was watching! It was liberating, it was soothing, and it allowed me a place to channel all of that frustration and aggravation I had been trying to contain. You know the days when you feel like you are trapped in Munch’s The Scream?
This is how How Rock Band Karaoke and Pomtini’s Saved One Mom’s Sanity
The next morning, I woke up and I felt calmer ( almost creepy calm) and I was able to function on a much higher level as an adult. Isn’t that ironic? I was actually able to step back from the situations of chaos; the exploding toy boxes, the toddler catfights (Meow!Kitties have claws), the dog pissing on the floor because I was up til 2 am posting after the kids went to sleep and wasn’t up at the crack of dawn to let the bitch out, and more. Rock band allowed me the time to have perspective and to be alone in my head for a few minutes. Serenity now!
READ ALSO: Finally, a normal marriage where no one leaves
Now, when I feel the craziness getting to be too much…I grab the girls, head downstairs and we Rock out to Rock Band. I sing as many songs as it takes to get the frustration out and the calmness back ( hey it sounds prettier than screaming at the kids and it serves the same purpose).
Our sessions have lasted anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 hours. The girls pretend they are my backup singers and dress up in their princess costumes and dance around, so we are spending quality time together versus me screaming and flying off the deep end. I’d rather have them fondly recollect memories of their goofy Mommy singing Margaritaville instead of their mean Mommy throwing the toys from the floor into the garbage, or burning the laundry because she got sick of looking at it.No, now (on most days) I have been able to back up and say, as my child screams bloody murder because her panties socks a knat an ant her sister is irritating her, “I understand you are frustrated but it will all be OK. Take a breath and calm down. Let mommy give you a hug!” Opposed to, ” Oh my Freaking God, they are just panties, socks, a knat, and ant, your sister! What is wrong with you?”
Who knew that something I normally would have shunned and turned my nose up at would end up being the very thing that quite literally may have saved my sanity, my relationship with my girls, and my credentials as their Mommy. The Pomtinis didn’t hurt either!
If you need a release and going bald from stress, going gray from stress, getting wrinkles, beating your children, are not avenues that you’d like to explore then I’m suggesting a little stress relief by banging some drums, jamming to some fake guitar, singing your heart out, or just dancing like no one else is around! I promise, you may feel silly in the beginning (because unlike Daddies, Mommies don’t initially feel that it is cool to be playing in a pretend rock band) but by the time you are done with one set, you will feel calmer and more relaxed and even happier! Happy Rock band mothering!
This is how Rock band Karaoke saved one mom’s sanity.
2010/07/14
Even More Mommy truisms
Here are a few more of my Mommy truisms;
- Incessant whining can literally cause insanity. I know…I’ve seen it happen!
- Tantrums are kinda funny, unless they are in public..or its your kid.
- Spanking children is unacceptable, timeouts are worthless, but threatening that the cops will come works every time in my household.
- Daddies can change diapers, bathe kids, wipe asses and noses, brush hair and teeth, read books and play with and dress our kids just as well as we can; they just don’t because we NEVER ask. Relinquish control ladies. You will thank me later!
- In reference to the previous truism, if Daddy doesn’t perform up to your (probably impossible) standards..Try , try again. If you don’t..that’s what he wants!
- Grandparents are priceless; live it, love it, learn it!
- Cheerios, Cheez its, & Goldfish are not acceptable as the norm in your car, your floor , or your bed…it’s nasty. Even if another single adult never gets into your mini van, SUV, Mommy taxi…eventually, you will have to hit a drive thru and some snarky , pimply faced 16 year old will be using you as a cautionary tale. Come on, you don’t want to give them the satisfaction. We already have to live down the whole “MOM Jeans” thing.
- Even if your kid says “no”, even if you are tired of arguing..brush their hair!You’re the parent and you will be that mom!
- If you ever want your kids to enjoy religion, please take them to church as children. Learning faith as an adult is so much harder than instilling faith into the heart of a child. It’s like trying to convince an adult that Santa is real!
- Breastfeeding before your milk comes in, is like spending the day with an insatiable piranha.
- Labor doesn’t feel like a big cramp (WTF? What crazy drugged out person said this?). It feels a lot more like an angry Ghoulie trying to stab his way out of your lower abdomen with lightening speed and a very dull butcher knife!
- The ring of fire…well, they don’t relate it to hell because it feels good. It feels like exactly what they call it. I don’t know about you but I don’t want fire anywhere near that region of my body..ever.
Last but not least for tonight,
- You don’t forget the pain of childbirth…EVER! Those broads that say you do…………………CRAZY LIARS!I found this out the hard way, so I know of which I speak. Happy Mothering!
2010/06/30
Truthful/Tell All Tuesday; June 15, 2010
OK, Ladies it is Tuesday and time for all of us to expunge all the crapola on our minds..lighten our load by getting rid of all that Mommy guilt! Move back, I am really about to unload and I don’t want any of you to get hit by all the shit that will be flying.
1) I really hate Mommy guilt. It is a useless emotion, it serves no purpose, and it only incurs more guilt. From the comments I received on my last post, I’d say I may have contributed to a few of you feeling some pangs of guilt. So, forgive me and don’t feel guilty about not getting that baby book up to date. Feel great that you are so engaged with your children that you have NO frigging time to sit on your ass and organize a baby book. You girls rock!
2) In the spirit of throwing the Mommy guilt out of the window, I HATE that I don’t take my kids outside nearly as much as I should because its too frigging hot. I know that is no excuse but I do make sure they are engaged and active. They have been working out with me. Plus, we still do fun stuff. For example, today we pitched a hello kitty tent, dressed in our finest dress up dresses, snacked on homemade granola and watched Shirley Temple’s “The Little Princess” ( yeah, I know it is as old as dirt but its wholesome and its based on one of my favorite books in the world..Sara Crewe!) The girls loved it. The only reason I feel any guilt at all about this staying indoors is because a nosy old neighbor came over the other day, introduced herself( yes, I had never met her before), and said ” Why don’t you have your girls outside that often?” As I found myself explaining that I don’t fancy letting a 3 & 5 year old loose in a yard unsupervised and I have things to do inside ( like clean, and work…I actually have a job online), I saw that disapproving look in her eyes and then she said. “Well, if they ever need to get out and play and you are BUSY ( I could so hear the implied too before the busy)….come get me. I can push them on the swing set.” Nice old lady? I think not.As if I am going to leave my girls outside under the supervision of some crazy old lady. Hey, being 100 isn’t a background check. I don’t know you! But she did leave me feeling like a complete shit. Here is an , albeit complete stranger, old lady chomping at the bit to push my kids on the swings and I am “too busy”. I felt like dirt.
3) I love when I get more followers and comments, it feels empowering and I feel like I am secretly moving towards my goal of being a published writer. SHhhhhh,lalallalala..I can’t hear you. I know you are thinking to yourself..it’s just a blog…get a grip! I know, but one has to start somewhere. Ponder this, the entity that is Dooce started with a blog.
4)I love my girls so much and worry on a daily basis that I a fucking them up. You know sort of like how a car starts depreciating the moment it leaves the lot..well, I feel like due to my inexperience, my kids are depreciating every second since they left the womb. Lord give me guidance and help me to keep them safe, healthy, and happy…..and to give them the world! No pressure or anything.
5)With full disclosure, I must add. I have been known to roar, complain,labor, on the fine points of Motherhood. For the last couple of weeks, some new power has come over me. I am not complaining, I’m just a little freaked out by it. I have actually found myself being able to remove myself from the moment, think, and then react. It’s quite amazing. I do, in that respect, feel like a much better Mommy. Remember, just last month I was roaring at the girls. The only thing is now..I’m waiting for my super power to leave and all hell to break loose! No judging, Judgy McJudges. This is a place to get it out and get it off your chest. Not a place to be analyzed. Happy Mothering!
P.S. Did I forget to mention how awful I feel that I have clean laundry folded and stacked up to the ceiling( Not really, but it feels like it)! I swear I’d put it away…if there were any room left !! I feel like I am playing a losing game of musical laundry, every time I have people over I have to find somewhere to ‘hide’ the laundry. I have a play date tomorrow, guess Mommy’s closet will be bursting. Note to self, shut your bedroom door before company arrives.
2010/06/15
This Mommy Brain is gonna kill someone
OK, so just now it came to my attention ,as I actually have 5 minutes to think, that I have not shaved my legs for 3 days because I dropped my Gillette and it shattered into a thousand little pieces.By the way,just a little secret, a Hispanic girl cannot be running around town with no razor because you know what that means…there’s a damn hairy woman on the loose! I’m not being funny. The reason I had no razor, well because I ALWAYS completely forget about what I need from the store because I am trying to remember what everyone else needs..cause I’m a Mom or I have my two little ankle biters (more like hip biters they are getting so tall) in tow.Of course, when they are with me, I am on complete autopilot to my surroundings, except where it concerns their well being. Yeah, don’t make the mistake of trying to talk to me when I’m with them.You will seriously walk away thinking,” That poor “special” Mom, all alone with those kids!”
This Mommy Brain is gonna kill someone
Anyways,so sidetracked, damn Mommy brian brain! The hairy legs got me thinking, this whole “mommy brain syndrome” it could really be dangerous, even more so than me being mistaken for a Sasquatch and being shot by a hunter. Here is a brief list of some (just some) of the things that have endangered my family and myself; washing hands while drying hair ~brushing teeth with diaper cream ~ mistaking my exfoliating mud mask for moisturizer ~ mindlessly plucking gray hairs (can you say bald spot)~ not being able to remember if you took your much needed back medicine, so taking it again( getting really relaxed and pretty useless ..woohoo)~driving while watching the kids in the rear view mirror, as if you can actually stop the cat fight that is going on between a 2 & 4 year old by sheer mind control~ leaving the house forgetting to turn off the iron, flat iron, running water~ forgetting to lock any and all doors when going on a weekend trip (shhhh, don’t tell my husband)~ going out to get the mail in your pjs..only to be locked outside by a 2 year old who doesn’t know how to unlock the door in 20 degree weather ~ same 2 year old locking you out of running car~ forgetting to put a bra on in mad dash to return movies before incurring the late fee~ forgetting to brush your teeth (sorry people)~ forgetting to stand back away from it all, breathe in, exhale and love those crazy little babies for who they are in all their nerve wrecking glory! There is so many more instances of my Mommy brain but if I told you..well, you know what I’d have to do:)

This Mommy Brain is gonna kill someone
Please keep an eye on all of your Mommy friends and let them know there are groups for all of us Mommies with Mommy Brain Syndrome..they are called friends and we can all use a few more and support one another through these trying and dangerous times. Please be safe and Mommy Brain responsibly.Happy Mothering!
Whew, thank God the kids are in bed…Mama needs a pometini!Rehashing all the dangers of my Mommy brain has caused me to have a thirst.

This Mommy Brain is gonna kill someone
2010/02/27
Liar Liar Pants on Fire
Tonight, right before bed, Bella wanted a cookie. I, obviously, said no. You know, in the name of teaching her healthy eating habits, keeping her sugar intake down (especially before bed), keeping her teeth from rotting out of her head and a plethora of other reasons. You know the usual reasons we don’t give our littles sugar before bed. Common sense and we don’t want them awake all night bouncing off the walls. Then “it” happened.
Bella (very sheepishly) : Mommy, I want to tell you something but Grandma told me not to tell you. WTF? OFMG, I am bracing myself for God knows what. I just knew my daughter was going to let some deep dark family secret out of the bag. Give me the real low down on how they REALLY feel about me. I won’t lie, I winced a little.
Me: Yes, Bella. You KNOW you NEVER keep secrets from Mommy.NEVER! You tell me EVERYTHING.I don’t care who tells you to keep a secret.You TELL MOMMY THE TRUTH. What did Grandma tell you NOT to tell me? At this point, aside from wondering what the hell the secret was going to be, I am quite annoyed that someone would tell my daughter to keep a secret from me. I loathe liars, with a passion.This is not a secret. Bella knows this. My husband knows this. I don’t lie. I don’t like being lied to. No matter how small the lie is, it undermines trust and that ,my friends, is NO BUENO!
Bella: Well, Mommy, Grandma gave us peanut butter Oreo cookies and candy and a bunch of sugar before bedtime when she watched us the other night. Hmmm, is she referring to the night that the lovely and delicious Grandma babysat so that the Big Guy and I could go out for a supercalifragilistic date night? That night? The night that SHE was responsible for getting them to bed and to sleep? Really, this offense is not punishable by death. Isn’t that pretty much what Grandma’s do? Ply kids with sugary treats , surprise goodies and obscene amounts of hugs and cuddles?I actually expect this behavior. I mean as far as Grandma’s and MILs go, mine is pretty freaking AWESOME.WE love her big time around here.

But I am perplexed. I can let sugary indiscretions slide but encouraging or condoning keeping things from me, well, that’s just not acceptable. I can NOT tolerate someone teaching my children that it is alright in any way, shape or form to lie to me..their MOTHER. It wasn’t even worth lying about but the whole idea of asking my kids to keep anything from me, sends the wrong message. I am really trying to teach my girls to NOT lie and to have open honest dialog with their father and I.I am trying to teach them that their word is important and if they say something they must abide by their words.Promises must be kept. The truth must be spoken.
Me: Bella, I am very proud of you for telling me the truth. You can always tell me the truth. YOU won’t get in trouble for telling me the truth. But if I ever find out that you are lying to me again, I will be very disappointed in you and you will have to be disciplined. And if anyone ever tells you to keep a secret from me again, you come straight to me and tell me! OK?
Bella (looking a little worried and slightly relieved): See Mom, aren’t you glad that I gave up lying for Lent? I guess I was a good example with my Lenten caffeine sacrifice! I had to giggle a little.

I assured her that she did the right thing by ratting out Grandma. Grandma, if you’re reading this post, no more telling the girls to keep anything from me in the future.We’re all good, just remember that and I don’t care if you give the kids sugar, I expect that.
What would you do if you found out Grandma,or anyone, told your kid to keep secrets from you? Does it matter what the lie is?Is there such a thing as a little lie to be kept from a mother? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject.
2011/03/22
Barn Doors are the New Black in Interior Design
You’ve heard about breaking the glass ceiling but what do you know about a glassdoor, barn door and sliding doors is the real question? Renovating an old house sounds like an adventure to some ears. Not mine. I like new. I don’t like old, especially in houses. Put it this way, I’d love to visit your old renovated and updated house but I prefer mine to be brand spanking new. I know, I sound like the biggest ageist alive but I promise I have good reasons. Just bear with me.
Firstly, I grew up in an over 100-year-old house. It was small, of course, they sold it as “cozy”. I never had a “shower” until I was in college because the house I grew up in had 1 bathroom (with 6 kids) and 1 claw foot tub. Sounds so quaint, right? Try 1 bathroom with 6 kids when the stomach flu hits. Not as “quaint” as it might sound.
The entire house was very sectioned off. Every room had a door. Of course, every room felt like a closet so “old houses” are not for claustrophobics, which my mom happens to be. On the plus side, there were plenty of spaces to hide and seek, especially when you were in trouble as a kid. However, you spent a lot of time with the people you loved developing your personality. My kids go to my mom’s house and are always in awe how we all lived there together and everyone survived.
Aside from everything needing to be “updated” in old houses and them being oddly laid out, chances are there are some residual remnants of the previous owners and I’m not just talking about those creepy baby portraits we found in my parents crawl space right next to a first edition copy of “The Joy of Sex”. No, that’s not creepy at all. I’m talking about the things you don’t see, like the whispers in the middle of the night with no people attached to them. Of course, apparently, that can happen in new houses too.
READ ALSO: The True Story behind my Ghost Photo
Still, after buying two brand spanking new houses, in a moment of relocation desperation, we bought an “old house” with “good bones”. FTW, “good bones” is code for you’re going to spend a lot of money to get this house to look and feel the way you want it. Now, our house is not 100’s of years old. It was built in 1977.
It’s a beautiful 2-story John Hughes special in the suburbs. In a coveted neighborhood that’s lush with green rolling heels and miles of biking paths, parks, tennis courts, a clubhouse with not 1 but 3 swimming pools. On paper, it is everything we wanted. Well, mostly. I wanted new. I wanted a basement and a loft. Apparently, lofts weren’t a thing in the 70’s.
Still, desperation to relocate out of our temporary housing at our in-laws had me wearing my DIY goggles. I thought I could do all the things. Feral cats as past tenants, no problem. Complete kitchen renovation; we’ve got this. 1990’s textured walls; I can fix that. Desperate times tricks the brain into believing it can when it can’t. Well, it can because I’m a Mexican, not a Mexicant. But boy was it a lot of work.
We’ve lived in the house for almost 6 years and it’s been a labor of love (and hate on some days) but slowly but surely, it is becoming the house we always wanted. It’s amazing how knocking out a few walls and opening up the floor plan can bring an old house into the future. It’s shaping up nicely. Of course, if I ever see country blue wallpaper ever again, it will be too soon. Thank God for a mother in law who knows about all these things and doesn’t mind helping out her high maintenance daughter-in-law (apparently, they were as ready for us to be gone as we were to go).
READ ALSO: Moving and Trying Not to Die is Hard
We’ve replaced all the flooring in the house, renovated the entire kitchen, movie room, dining room, eat-in and over the past few weeks, the Big Guy put his back into giving me a new half-bath and laundry room area. You can’t imagine what a difference removing wallpaper, adding some paint, new flooring, sink, lighting and a sliding door can make. It looks like a new house. Chip and Joanna Gaines ain’t got nothing on us. * That was a joke. They make that stuff look easy. It’s not but it is definitely worth it.
I would have never thought that a door would have any bearing on the way a room came together. When I think of doors, it’s an afterthought purely for function. I was wrong. It’s the first thing someone sees when they enter a room. The door creates the vibe, especially if it’s an amazing statement piece door.
I don’t know about you but I have been cuckoo for sliding barn doors for the past couple of years. I’ve seen them in all the new builds and in all the Interior design magazines. I was super jealous because I thought they just weren’t to be a part of my story and then, I partnered with Wayfair on a sliding door project and the heaven’s parted and angels sang and I knew these “good bones” were about to get better.
We removed the old brown, hollowed door which paired perfectly with the circa 1970’s wallpaper that led from our hallway to the laundry room and replaced it with a brand new modern frosted glass, interior barn door. It changed the whole look of the space.
I am not an interior decorator but I have been living in this old house for 6 years (and it’s still very much a work in process as you can tell from the missing baseboards) and trying really hard to get these old bones to support the facelift we’ve been giving our home. If you’re thinking of buying an old house with “good bones” and testing your DIY skills don’t be afraid. It can be amazing. Here are some tips and advice that can help you instantly make a statement in a room.
Just know that it will take some sweat equity on your part but in the end, it will totally be worth it. There is something very satisfying about building your dream house with your own two hands. Of course, there is nothing wrong with outsourcing if you need to. But don’t call me. I only remove wall texture as a labor of love, you couldn’t afford my rates.
It’s easier than ever to renovate your home with Youtube tutorials, the DIY blog and channel and places like Wayfair to get affordable options to update your home. Now, about those creepy baby portraits and any residual energy from the previous owners, you’re all on your own.
What’s on your bucket list of DIY home renovations; new deck, new kitchen, new glassdoor, barn door or sliding doors?
2018/05/30
Love American Style
Today, puberty is hitting at age 7. 8 years olds are wearing cleavage producing bikinis. Padded bras are being made to fit 4 year olds. They are making heels to fit infants. What’s next, pole dancing lessons in utero? Any mommy worth her salt has to search high and low to find clothes that DON’T make her little girl look like a sex worker.It’s hard having little girls. Kids are growing bigger and taller, faster. Many are being born to older parents and the kids themselves are maturing faster than when we were young. I mean I remember still playing with barbies at 12 and NOT having any boobs.Now, girls are having sex by age 12. It’s freaking scary to think of how fast society tries to make our children become adults.
What’s the rush? Why are we pushing them towards adulthood? It’s like training your ass off to compete in an iron man only to find out that the prize is to perpetually compete in iron men. I try to insure that my little girls get to be little girls. I don’t dress them like miniature adults because they are not adults. I don’t let them watch adult movies or listen to inappropriate music. My rule is if I have to explain something that they shouldn’t know, then they are too young to be exposed to it.
I have friends who have had little girls ( ages 4-6) and I hear them say things like, “Yes, my daughter so and so has a boyfriend in her kindergarten class”. They giggle and they smirk and I stand there thinking to myself…ARE.YOU.FUCKING. MENTAL?? Seriously, do they realize how utterly ridiculous they even sound saying these words?I mean to they even realize what they are contributing to? It’s like they are non-verbally telling their little girls, Thank God a boy likes you.You are worth something. WTF is this? 1950’s…CHINA?
I try hard to not make my girls feel like their worth is wrapped up in their sexuality..because it is not.Plus, I’ve come from a mom who has spent our entire life telling my sisters and I , “I just wish you had a husband and some children so I wouldn’t have to worry about you anymore.”( This statement alone could earn a person a throat punch…..if she weren’t my Mother) I mean what does that even mean? Is there some sort of exchange going on?Are we incapable of actually taking care of ourselves ( in her mind)? Are we worthless if not validated by marriage and children?
So,this afternoon when we had a play date at the zoo with my 6 year olds best friend..a little boy, for the first time ever, I felt a little uncomfortable.I’ve never felt uncomfortable with their behavior before. This little boy really is her best friend. They run to each other every morning and hug one another and hold hands in line…just like she does with any of her little girl friends. It’s never bothered me before because, I know the kid.I know his family. There is nothing sexual or devious about it. It’s just two little kids being affectionate.But today, as we walked behind the two of them and they were walking side by side with the occasional hand holding punctuated by about 27 random hugs, it felt excessive. Then when his mom told him to stop “manhandling her so much” ( on about the 26th hug) this was his reply “Mom,She’s my friend. She likes it. I like it. Leave us alone!” I was thrust into the future about 10 years and WTF?
My question is what is too much? Where do you draw the line between differentiating between being affectionate and being sexualized? What’s appropriate? What’s not? Is it reasonable to expect our children to behave as children when society is trying to make them adults at every turn? What are your thoughts?
2011/04/12
Minivan Mommies ~Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night
Dear Minivan Mommies,
Do NOT go gentle into that good night. Fight it. Rage against the temptation nay the spiritual castration that is the minivan. Sure they make them in secret agent squirrel charcoal and sleek Land Rover black. Ooh, they try to fool us into believing those minivans are cool. But remember your senses woman, a grocery getter, is the station wagon of the 70s, is the fast track to Loserville…population you and every other pajama jean wearing mother in the pick up line.
Sure my Mommy friends have tried to convince me that their minivan is cool. They pull up to stoplights all over suburbia and rev up their engine, ~~taunting me~~ beckoning me to race them. Their tricked out ~~grocery getter~~ van versus my sleek, sturdy, gas guzzling SUV. Any way you slice it ladies, no matter how tricked out your minivan may be…you my friend are no SUV.
I don’t care if it has a built in movie room, seating for 16, plush leather interior, a bed, a kitchen and a craft room. I don’t care if you can fit the entire football team and cheer squad in that bitch. I don’t even care if there’s a built in wine cooler and keg refrigerator for tailgating. I may have just lied to myself, a wine cooler and keg fridge could possibly cause me to take a second look. So what if you come with all the bells and whistles for less than the cost of my yearly Starbucks habit. I will not be seduced. Hell, your minivan’s baby changer/bather/breastfeeder combo and human butler do not impress me. I have standards.
You can’t look cool, singing the Wiggles and driving a small bus. You are not sexy with your pony tail blowing in the wind as your onstar directs you to the nearest Starbucks. I don’t give a flying rat’s ass what that creepy bald guy told you at the dealership. Tell him he can keep his pajama jeans, you don’t need them. You want a big SUV, with a lot of power so that you can show all the other soccer moms who’s really the boss and it ain’t Tony Danza. It’s the mom with the biggest tank and the most European vehicle.Keep in mind that SUV also comes in handy for running punk student drivers off the road, if the need should ever arise. I’m just saying.
I think Minivans should be outlawed. Every time I pull up behind one, I instinctively want to ram it in the rear.I loathe them. I look at the minivan and I see all the hopes and dreams of the women behind the wheel…crushed into dust as they soldier on, getting their groceries, taxing their children and having their spirit stolen from them. I see dead people where there used to be vibrant, independent women.
I know this is an irrational fear of a vehicle but I refuse to go gentle into that good night. I will fight it kicking and screaming. I will throw a full on two-year-old tantrum, I don’t care who stares with gaping mouth. I will rage against the minivan for as long as I can take breath into my chest and as long as I can fit my kids into my SUV. I am throwing down the gauntlet and vowing to you to never have more kids than I can fit into an SUV, no matter how you tart it up and prance it around in front of me.I will not fall for your sultry, vixen like ways. I will resist temptation. Are you pro minivan? Anti-minivan?
Are you a recent convert to the church of minivan?
**This post originally went live on October 11, 2011 but I have been looking at new vehicles and I needed the reminder to be strong because I’ve got to admit with 2 kids, that new Honda Odyssey minivan with the built-in vacuum cleaner “almost” made me a convert. I am afraid of what might happen if I actually test drove that minivan.
2013/09/01
Parenting Techniques, Blanket Statements and Blow Ups
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akanemd
Parenting Techniques are like assholes..everyone has one! (more…)
2011/11/23