The TRUTH About Motherhood

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The KIA Soul Take the Long Way Home
Have you ever driven a KIA SOUL? I did recently and honestly, I was expecting to be underwhelmed but if you’ve ever wondered why buy a KIA SOUL? I think I may have figured it out. Well, aside from being an award-winning compact crossover and starting as low as $16,200!
Driving for me has always been something that I did to get from here to there. I started driving when I was 13-years-old, (shhh, don’t tell anyone. I don’t want to get retroactively arrested) running simple errands for my mom like picking up milk or toilet paper at the local grocery store. It was only a few blocks away but my parents needed help with 6 kids and I did my part. Fast forward a couple decades and I’m still driving to get kids from school to extracurricular and I’m still running errands. I’m a mom chauffeur and when you have to do something, it becomes menial and not fun.
There have been cars that I prefer over others for one reason or the other but mostly, it boiled down to how well it got me from here to there. Only recently have I really started to consider that driving isn’t just about destinations, it’s about the journey. I know it sounds cheesy but it is true.
Did you know about the new no-fault law? This was touted as the solution to some of the highest insurance rates in the country.
For me, the car is my decompression space. It’s where I can play the music as loud as I want. Listen to what I want. Drive in silence. When I drive, it’s a little bit like going to church. There is this weird peaceful feeling I get when I am driving alone. You noticed, I said alone. It’s because I am the mom of a tween and teen girl and sometimes the silence in the car when I am alone, is the only thing that gets me through the day.
As I said, I do have my preferences in cars. I’ve driven enough cars to know that some are better than others. And all the bells and whistles can’t make up for subpar engineering. You can definitely tell the difference between a well-made vehicle and a lesser vehicle. It has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with what is under the hood. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.
Also, sometimes we underestimate the performance of a car because it’s cute. I never realized I did this until recently. The way most people assume attractive blonde women are less serious than brunettes. But in the same way we need to get to know people beyond the color of their hair, we need drive a vehicle before we can know anything about how it performs.
I was loaned a KIA SOUL to drive around for a week. My expectations were low. Not because I think KIA is a subpar brand because I know that they are not. I’ve just always associated the KIA SOUL “cute”. The commercials are cute and they come in cute colors and they don’t seem like something I’d take very seriously. Then, I drove one.
The KIA SOUL surprised me because even though it was indeed adorable, it handled like a high-performance, seriously engineered vehicle.
It hugged curves and handled amazingly in the snow and the rain. It was serious on the road and party on the inside, my girls loved the light up speakers that “danced” to the beat of the music. The SOUL is affordable, dependable, well-built, beautiful and cool. So if you don’t have one yet, you can exchange junk cars for cash so you can finally have your own KIA SOUL. Looking for a great place to buy quality cars at low prices? Check out car dealerships indianapolis.
So if you’re still asking yourself, why buy a KIA SOUL, I want to ask you why would you not buy a KIA SOUL?
2018/03/05
….And Then I BECAME a MOM!
Today, I have the pleasure of having one of my favorite people and a fantastically talented writer, my great friend, the lovely Laura Willard of A(n)(Un)Common Family guest post as my final guest in my month long 2nd year blogiversary celebration.
“And while being a mom is a huge part of who I am – the part that changed me in ways nothing else could, that made me get in touch with an inner soft side (one that could actually cry!), the part that suddenly realized what true, unconditional love actually feels like – it’s not all that I am. There’s more to me, even if it’s far less adorable than my kids.”
Laura’s blog is about motherhood, marriage and how she has evolved over the years while maintaining the woman she was before the kids. It started with child adoption and she touches on just about every single issue a mother or woman can face. She shares her soul and knowledge all with a twist of a wicked sense of humor. I love her and so will you. You can also find Laura on Twitter. Thank you Laura for sharing your Truth about Motherhood. On a side note, if you are planning to adopt a child, you may also want to include open adoption in your options.
I need to get a few things out of the way before I start:
(1) If I didn’t love Debi, I’d hate her for putting me at the end of a month-long lineup of fabulous bloggers that humble me. I mean, really? I have to follow those ladies?! Have you been reading this month? They are ah-ma-zing.
(2) I have no free time. Washing my hair is a luxury. Okay, fine, I probably wouldn’t wash that shit regularly even if I had time, but you get the point. Free time = premium. Still, when Debi asked me to post here, I was thoroughly honored, even though I can’t keep up on my own blog, because I was asked by an amazing woman and mom that I’m proud to call my friend (and pillow-fight-in-lingerie buddy for BlogHer, but that’s for another post..).
Debi embodies what women and mothers should radiate – support, love and honesty. She doesn’t sugar coat the journey that is motherhood, she doesn’t BS and she doesn’t hurt.
And she’s beautiful – inside and out.
Okay, now I’m ready to share MY truth about motherhood
Fine, I don’t have one.
You caught me with my pants down.
(Gross. I know. I’m scared for you.)
I didn’t have a vision for motherhood.
I married my husband when I was very young. I wasn’t quite drinking-legal yet (we won’t talk about how long I’d actually been drinking at that point). He was eight years older (no, he didn’t have money and no, I didn’t have a crappy home life). I knew he was The One, and I was right. Ten years later, he’s still The One.
(It’s okay. Go puke. I just did.)
I always knew I wanted to adopt my kids and when I told him while we were dating, he said, “Cool. That sounds good.”
So after we were married for six years and after I’d finished law school, we started the process.
I was in control of my life. I was smart. I was calm. I had life by the balls.
And then I became a mom.
It rocked my world. In the best way possible. But it was rocked.
I became a parent to a child that had an entire life’s worth of experiences before he came to us at 10-months-old. A lot of work, over one year of entirely sleepless nights and physical and emotional stretching that I didn’t know was possible, occurred during the first year. But I figured it out.
And then 14 months later, I became a mom for a second time to a child whose immediate medical needs made mine look boring. And whose personality was the opposite of my son’s. So I went back to the drawing board and learned how to mother from scratch.
I’ve only been at this motherhood gig for three-and-a-half years. And yet I’ve learned more than I did during seven years of “higher education.” Would you like to know what I’ve learned?
(Of course you would.)
Not as much as I thought I would have.
Just when I think I know something, I learn something else that shows me that I didn’t quite know everything.
So I suppose I do have a few truths about motherhood. Motherhood teaches you something new every day. It humbles you to no end. Sometimes it stretches you so far you think you might break. But you don’t. And it fills your heart with unconditional love.
*P.S. Laura, you are amazing and I already loved you hardcore but after this post, I must say..you made me weep a bit:) What a wonderful way to end this series!XOXO
2011/05/30
The Seven Stages of Second Baby Syndrome
I know many of us have picky eaters. My 3 year old would be perfectly happy to exist on nothing more than chicken nuggets for the rest of her life. Most days I fight with her, barter with her, do anything I need to do ( Dance monkey dance) to get her to eat something different..but some days….I don’t. I know. I am horrible. My kid’s going to turn into a giant chicken nugget. But the nuggets, or Nuggies as they are affectionately called in my house, are just a symptom of a much larger problem…Second Baby Syndrome.
Ahhh, I feel a weight has been lifted just by simply saying the words aloud.Many, if not all of you, know exactly this syndrome of which I speak. I’m not proud to admit this but it is the truth. With Bella, everything was perfect. What I mean to say is that I did my best to do everything right! She was always dressed adorably, not a hair out of place, all meals were up to food pyramid standards, just the right amount of sleep to play ratio. I read to her, I sang to her, I engaged her, TV time was limited, classes were taken, play dates were made and minds were expanded.I used to turn my nose up to those Moms that I saw in the grocery store, who looked like they had no mirrors in their house and so obviously should not have been parents..as they were yelling at a 3 year old at the top of their lungs because the poor kid wanted granola bars. Then we were blessed with Gabs.
One child is ONE CHILD but two children feels more like ten! I naively thought that having two would be as easy as one. ( What I meant to say as easy as my one was.)What did I know? Suddenly, my days went from doting, anticipating every need, hitting every milestone in stride and ending the day patting myself on the back for a job well done to feeling like I couldn’t can’t keep up. It all became a blur. A fog filled with love and clamor.Noise.Chaos.More love. It enveloped me.I fell into it willingly.But somewhere along the way, I got lost. I lost sight of all my expectations. I think I evolved (or perhaps devolved ) in my parenting skills, however you want to look at it.Somehow I became , what I now know to be, the exhausted, sleep deprived Mom whose husband travels for work all the time and who has not had a shower or shaved her legs for 3 days. And after a testing morning trying to get her older child off to school, she NOW is standing in the middle of the grocery with her 3 year old tantruming over the exact same granola bars that Mommy had to throw away this morning because said child had spat it out all over the new carpet because…it tasted “bad”. All I know is that it was not humanly possible for me to keep up at the pace I had been doing with one child. There had to be a give and take.
It’s a hard moment in motherhood when one has to accept this fact.It feels like defeat but really what it is IS growing pains.It’s you growing into your role of motherhood. I am certain I experienced the 7 stages of grief when letting go of my expectations of motherhood. First there was shock and denial. What? Both kids won’t nap at the same time?I can handle this.I don’t need sleep! 2nd stage, Pain and guilt. I can’t take this any more.Mommy needs some time to decompress too.Please go to sleep. Oh, no don’t cry. It’s OK. Say awake.I’m such a crappy Mommy trying to force my toddler to go to bed, just so I can have some alone time. I suck! 3rd stage, anger and bargaining. GO TO SLEEP!!! Just be quiet and go to sleep. Please go to sleep! If you go to sleep, I will take you to Chuck E. Cheese tomorrow. 4th stage, depression, reflection and loneliness. Crying because you feel overwhelmed. During this time, you finally realize the magnitude of your loss and it depresses you.You can’t be the parent that you had expected to be..because it’s impossible. You may feel isolated, left to reflect alone on your lost expectations and focus on what you thought things could have been.( Cue the montage of you and your pre baby body running in a field of lilies with your perfectly coiffed matching dressed little girls.) You may sense feelings of emptiness, failure or despair.5th stage, the upward turn. You begin to adjust to your new role with new expectations.Life will become calmer and more organized. What that really means is that your house will be dirtier, the meals will be less food pyramid organic and more chicken nuggets for the finicky pallet of the most distinguished toddler connoisseur. Mommy guilt will begin to lift. Stage 6, reconstruction and working through.As you become more functional, your mind starts working again ( mommy brain may have lifted a bit but, let’s be honest, probably not.It’s a slippery slope from pregnancy brain to Mommy brain to full on forget where you put your vajayjay this morning.. sun downers.I’m just saying). You will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by motherhood. For example, the 5 second rule becomes perfectly acceptable.God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt, may be heard around the house.Summer afternoons in the pool may begin to qualify as bath time. And finally, you will reach stage 7, acceptance and hope.You learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. This in no way means instant happiness. There’s no magic pill for motherhood. Once you give in to the reality that parenting two babies is exponentially harder than one, you can adjust your attitude, your expectations and your technique. You can have hope that one day, you will sleep again.Someday…maybe when they are married and sleeping safely in their bed with their husbands. (Sucker, She’s your problem now!)
And so as I sit here, stuffing more random pieces of paper with notes scribbled on them into Gabs’ baby book, I am reminded of the quote ” Don’t be sad that it’s over, be happy that it happened!”~Seuss Be glad that you cared enough to have the expectations and to impose them on yourself in the first place. Then, go feed that kid some chicken nuggets before they throw a tantrum in the middle of the store:)
2011/02/16
Nutrisystem Update Week 16~
This week was by far one of the worst weeks that I’ve had on my Nutrisystem journey, as well as one of the worst weeks that I’ve had in the month of February. I gained 2 pounds. How did this happen, you ask? To my chagrin, I traveled all last weekend and that created a little hiccup in my diet. I did have meals on hand but we were on the road and I ended up eating out a couple times. Even worse, when I returned home, my back went out. Which meant two things, I was not able to work out. To be honest, I could barely sit upright without wincing. I could NOT walk upright. My back felt like a rubber band pulled to its absolute extreme.I was just waiting for it to pop and snap. It’s done it before and I’ve ended up incapacitated in the praying to Mecca position or flat on my back on the floor. Either scenario not optimal, especially with the Big Guy out of town. I couldn’t even drive the car to get my Bella to school. This was serious business. My sister had to catch a train and come to my rescue, which meant she resumed all my duties while I took my meds to relax my back and keep the insane pain that accompanies such injuries away . It was a real big hot mess around here. While I was in La-la med land, lying flat on my back atop of a heating pad or ice ( depending on the moment you checked in on me) I did not eat appropriately. I didn’t get all my foods in and I wasn’t drinking enough water. The entire week was a wash. It was of no fault of the program, it was me not working the program. But, the back is doing much better and I am pain free,med free, standing upright and drinking my water so I am hopping back on that horse and making it work for me! This weight is coming off, kicking and screaming maybe but it is coming off.
I am so proud of what I have accomplished so far with Nutrisystem. It is a great feeling to see the scale going down. It’s even more encouraging when the clothes start to bag and droop. This small hiccup does not worry me. Nutrisystem is a fabulous program and I know it works. The key is to keeping within the guidelines of the program. So the lesson here is..if you don’t work out, don’t eat the Nutrisystem foods and veggies, fruits, and dairy that you are supposed to, don’t drink the recommended daily amount of water and simply have the Nutrisystem food sitting in the pantry…don’t expect it to work. But if you are serious and want to lose the weight, get healthy in your own skin and be the best you that you can be…Nutrisystem might be for you! Visit Nutrisystem today or call 888-853-4689. Don’t forget right now, Nutrisytem is at the lowest price it has been since 2003! There is no better time than the present to get started on your journey. Bathing suit season is right around the corner!

DISCLOSURE: Nutrisystem is providing their program to me free of charge in exchange for my participation in the Nutrisystem Nation Blogging Program and weekly updates. I am not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed in this post are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255
2011/02/27
Mommy Truisims ~ Moving Edition
Mommy Truisms; Moving Edition ~I’ve learned some hard truisms over the span of my short tour of duty Mommying, thus far. But have recently been bitch slap reminded of a few truisms that I had tried to forget. Moving/Selling a house is never fun.I’ve had the pleasure of moving 3 times since my Ella was born in 2005. If you’ve ever done the frequent moving thing before, you can attest to the fact that I am not stretching the truth when I say it’s as trying as walking up hill in the blistering sun, only to have 1 step up be 2 steps back and you can NOT quit. Frustration is the understatement of a lifetime. So, here I will share a few moving truisms that may be helpful, in the very least amusing at my expense.
Moving Edition
- If perpetual cleaning is your idea of a good time and you have small children, you should put your house on the market immediately.Like right this moment. Seriously!
- While packing, you will “hide” put so many things up away from children, that you may as well kiss them goodbye because most likely they are in the home sellers Bermuda triangle. Rest assured, they will NEVER resurface ( case in point, the Vivitar digital cameras I bought the girls for Christmas 2009. Where are they?I don’t know.Oh ,yeah…BERMUDA FRICKING TRIANGLE.)
- Apparently, leaving your “Nads” in your sink drawer is a bad idea. No one wants to by a house from a monkey woman.Go figure. This also applies to your medicines. Nobody wants to know your flavor of sick or crazy. Turn those labels around or throw them in your purse on the way out.
- If you have “personal” items requiring batteries, a plastic tote is not the best storage spot for it unless you like inappropriate smiles from your realtor. Also, if you “hide” it under the bed, be sure to remember to “find” it before the movers do. Also, come on, you should know better you have kids:)
- Shitty diapers left in the garbage do not a house sell. Don’t test this one. Just take my word for it.
- If your house went on the market in the middle of blizzard weather and on the day you have a showing scheduled it is unseasonably warm, melting all the snow in your yard, it is mandatory that you spend the 3 hours previous to viewers arrival cleaning up and disposing of any and all dog shit mine fields that have been revealed.
- There is nothing more fun than packing up 2/3rds of your children’s toys and stacking in the garage. Oh wait, yes there is. That would be your children knowing they are there and whining for them on the regular…daily.
- When people view a house, they DON’T want to know that children or dogs have ever soiled your house. Hide all evidence of children and family pets.
Mommy Truisms ~ Moving is Hardwork
- The most angelic and well-behaved children will turn into Tazmanian devils and dirt monsters when faced with a pristine house.
- Trying to keep your house clean for showings while living with rambunctious preschoolers is as futile as trying to stay on a diet in a house made of chocolate cake, held together by frosting. It is equally as frustrating.
- Showings will most likely ALWAYS be scheduled at your child’s bed time and if they are sick, showing frequency will certainly increase.
- Finding something to do with overtired little ones, at their bed time, is a lot more difficult than it should be or you would ever imagine. Unless of course you are partial to whining, crying & over reactions…which I am not.
- Convincing a 5 year old to move and leave her school and friends is so much easier once you wear them down and they have hit their limit of missing their daddy.12 months..FTW!!
- When moving, sometimes you have to endure some negotiations with your children in the name of the greater good. For example, you don’t want to leave the house you were born in? I’ll buy you bunk beds…at the new house. You don’t want me to pack your toys up? I’ll buy you a trampoline when we get the new house. You want to be a Tazmanian devil and sweep through the house like a monsoon leaving death and destruction in your wake? I will build you a treehouse at the new house. Damn, I sure hope the new house has a big bag of money buried in the backyard.
- Baking cookies to give the house a “comfortable/inviting” smell is great as long as you don’t get distracted by your 1 year old who you spy out the corner of your eye about to leap from the coffee table to the ottoman. Burnt cookies…not so inviting a smell. Also, cooking bacon for breakfast the day of a showing…not such a great idea either. You’ve been warned.
Moving is Near Impossible with children
These are just a few. There are many, many more. What have you learned about yourself and your children while moving or trying to sell a house?
2011/03/03
Starbucks,Keurig, Diet Dr. Pepper and Diet Coke ~Collteral Damage of a Bad girl gone Good
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Photo courtesy of the internet
Starbucks, Keurig, Diet Dr. Pepper, and Diet coke are all collateral damage of a bad girl gone good.Yesterday was Fat Tuesday. Fat Tuesday! You know that one day of year that all of us Catholics live for.It’s the day ( more like the 5 day weekend) that we go crazy stuffing our faces with rich foods, drinking libations of the most toxic variety,and partaking of any and all activities that may fall under the verboten category on Wednesday. If there is any way shape or form that a particular item can be considered pleasurable, you can be sure, we, devout Catholics, are trying to consume as much as we can, as fast as we can. We are storing up our pleasures to sustain as over our long religious hibernation. It usually consists of a lot of really good people doing some really , maybe not so good things, for beads while stuffing their faces and filling their bellies.It’s a mad dash for the finish line before the game gets reset and we have to go to the back of the line. It should be renamed Sodom and Gomorrah day because unofficially, that’s what it is. It’s the day before the day that we make a great sacrifice for the next 40 days. It’s sort of our annual last hurrah. Because, really….we KNOW it’s going to be a long 40 days and nights. Depending on what you are giving up, it could be longer. I’m no half asser . I tend to give up the things I like the most, my vices.
This morning, as we all awoke in the cold light of day with our Fat Tuesday hangovers, it hit me like a ton of bricks that today was WEDNESDAY. Yesterdays was “that” day, but today is “THIS” day…Ash Wednesday. The official start of our 40 day sacrifice. For my very first accountable Lent, I gave up red meat. Oh No she didn’t. OH YES, I DID! And to prove that I’m no half asser, I was a vegetarian for the next 10 years. I was eventually done in by a McDonald’s cheeseburger, but I digress, that’s an entirely different post. I’ve given up cursing in the past. I realize that I should be embarrassed that cursing is something that any Mommy should be in actual need of giving up, but believe me when I say..I have a bit of a potty mouth. The worse part is that I do NOT realize when I drop the F* Bomb..until I get some gaping mouth look from a fellow Mommy, or worse..my husband. There was the year that I gave up alcohol.This was pre children. I would never willingly relinquish my Mommy juice ever again, unless with child, which I don’t really have any plans of ever doing again. But believe me, when I don’t drink,people ,who know me, automatically assume that I MUST be pregnant. But this year, I pulled on my BIG girl panties. I gave up caffeine. *GASP*
I know, I am as surprised as the rest of you. Why an insomniac prone to migraines thinks its a good idea to give up her number one vice is beyond me. Caffeine is another thing I usually only give up when with child but I feel that my addiction is getting too strong a hold on me. I’ve tried to ween myself off the Starbucks for quite some time. It is only a fabulous treat that I allow myself on occasion. You sexy toffee mocha with a couple extra shots , you really know how to speed up my pulse first thing in the morning.I have also personally been keeping Keurig k-cups in the black with my overwhelming addiction. And let’s not even get started on Diet coke. You evil bitch.I have tried to give you up on multiple occasions. But you and your maleficent sister Diet Dr.Pepper keep luring me back in to your web of self destruction. I am thoroughly convinced that there was no forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden..it was a piping hot cup of pure pleasure..it had to be a Trenta from Starbucks. If not, it was certainly a ice cold fountain diet coke with loads of ice that sent poor Eve, and the rest of us, on our path of pain.
That’s right people. I am doing what Eve couldn’t do in the garden..I’m passing up the caffeine for the next 40 days. It’s going to be hard. Let’s be honest.I’m pretty sure, it’s going to be like Charlie Sheen when he gave up the coke. Maybe even as ugly as Whitney when she gave up the crack , oh wait, bad example. Anyways, I wonder, do they make a synthetic caffeine that I can take intravenously to keep away the DTs?I just don’t think walking around in polite society looking like I have the shakes is going to be beneficial to anyone and probably a little frightening to the countless small children that I encounter on a daily basis. They have electronic cigarettes and nicorette gum for smokers trying to quit. There is methadone for methamphetamine addicts. So what’s going to get me through my withdrawals? Anyone have any words of advice for me?
Why did I give up caffeine you ask? I gave it up because if it wasn’t hard it wouldn’t be a sacrifice. It would be easy and everyone would do it. So if you see me on the street and I’m cursing, drunk and shaking like a fool…pat me on the back and say “Way to go girl!You will be kicking that nasty addiction right in it’s big hairy ass and making all right in the world again:)” I dream big folks.Now, since I didn’t have my coffee this morning,I’m off to take a nap..how else do you suppose I’m to get through my days on no sleep!Happy Mothering!
*After reading this,I’m thinking I may need to addend this to be coffee and Diet pop.I’m not sure going completely cold turkey off caffeine all together is going to prove a wise move.Hold me. I’m afraid.
** Oh yes, I had to add this because this blog also serves as my remembrance of my girls childhood. The Big Guy just went to pick Bella up at school and upon seeing her standing there, he promptly went at wiping the dirt off her forehead.He forgot it was Ash Wednesday and not until he looked up and saw the other mother and child sporting their ashes did he realize what he had just done.Damn lapsed Catholic:)
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2011/03/09
Bella in Wonderland
Every year since Bella has had a birthday party, it’s always been a really big deal. I believe it has something to do with the fact that when I was little I seldom remember having a party.So,when it comes to my girls, we love to celebrate the party in a big way. I mean, who doesn’t love a party? I am fully aware that the Bellapalooza of 2009, when she turned 4, was a bit excessive. I do recall something like 4 parties being had in a one week span of time. There was the family party on her actual birthday, the Fancy Nancy tea and spa experience with her fellow ballerinas, then there was the birthday play date celebration and last but not least the extended family and traveling friends party. It really was Bellapalooza but it was so much fun & Bella has since referred to her birthday week as Bellapalooza.
The cakes made by the Big Guy!
This year, Bella was adamant that she wanted a Alice in Wonderland birthday party.This girl always wants a theme that is “not available” in stores. Of course you can’t find party favors for Alice in Wonderland, so we improvise..as always. But this year, I was determined to keep the party to 1! After 6 years of birthday parties, I’ve come to the realization that the party is about the birthday girl having fun..the rest is not important. So, after much searching and creativity, we found just the right decorations. It was a small party with all the immediate family and a few friends and classmates.
Obviously, Bella dressed as Alice.She dresses in costume for every theme party.
The Wonderland aspect of this party was really the friendship and family. Bella was over the moon that her friends from school and her play date friends were all there to celebrate with her. She was also over the moon because her Grandpa Manny, my Dad, who normally comes and serenades her on her birthday ( this is a long standing tradition in our home. He has serenaded me and my sisters every birthday with Las mananitas (traditional Mexican birthday song) since we were born. Bella was absolutely devastated that he would be out of the country for this birthday party) called from Mexico to play the guitar and serenade her.All was right with the world!
Bella (Alice) & her best friend.By sheer coincidence, he came as the Mad Hatter (her favorite character).*Awwww,swoon*
Party was a huge success and birthday girl was over the moon! The.End!
Wonderland punch!

2011/03/17
Just say No to Kiwi fuzz
Wasn’t it yesterday that I was cleansing my face with Noxema, wiping it religiously with alcohol & then moisturizer…all in the name of preventing a pimple? You know, because I’d get 1 every other month due to hormones. But it was the END of the world.Ah, the teen years. I had so much wildly curly hair that I had no idea what to do with it, other than complain and wish I had less. Straighter.I was a perfectly healthy size 10 but I wanted to be a 7,so ,obviously, I was never happy. Always, working out and staring at myself in the mirror, wishing that I was someone else. My teeth were so bright white that they could blind someone and thanks to braces they were unnaturally straight.Unnaturally.I even complained about that. I was 5’7″,I wanted to be 5’8″ because that’s how tall you had to be to be a model and all the girls in the magazine were at least that tall. I had to be at the beach ALL the time because I NEEDED a tan.Did I mention that I’m Mexican…naturally olive. I constantly had perfectly manicured fingers and toes because,really, what kind of manual labor was I doing? Waking to school? Lifting a hand to flip all that hair?That was me at 17.
This morning, I revisited an old friend of mine,you may know him Biore strips.Oh my, Jeez!How long has it been since I’ve had time to give any attention to myself? Seriously, when I pulled that little strip off..let’s say it revealed some astonishing things. Either I had 10 years worth of deep black heads or I have began sprouting hair in yet another place that I don’t want it.Either way, when I puled that strip off..it looked like kiwi fuzz. I assure that I am not walking around in public looking like this because if I were, let’s be certain of one thing, the Big Guy would most certainly have brought it to my attention. This triggered a chain reaction. I realized that my simple regime of keeping away the zits has evolved in to a full fledged routine. When did this happen? Now there is cleanser, deep cleanser, astringent, toner and that’s just to keep it clean and my pores from looking like an escape hatch from within. Then I have to add wrinkle night cream because God knows that I’ve got to keep those suckers at bay.
All that hair that I was *ahem* complaining about, well, I’ve noticed that it’s thinned out considerably from stress of life.Now, I wish I had that big crazy bush atop my head.Of course, it has began to grow rampantly on other parts of my body. My upper lip, my arms, my legs, my eyebrows…you know just all the places that a woman doesn’t want all that hair. Size 10? Well, let’s just say that I’ve not seen size 10 in about as many years! YEARS! In college, I was a 5 and then somewhere along the way I passed 10 right up on my journey to size 14, 16, 18,16, 14.Things have been stretched out and moved about and nothing looks like it did when I was 17 on this body.This body is foreign to me.This body has lived. Years of drinking coffee to wake up, Diet Coke to keep going and wine to go to sleep has made it necessary that I use whitening mouth wash, whitening strengthening tooth paste, and I’m probably going to have to move on up to full on whitening bleach soon.Can someone please invent clear coffee? Peryl, can you put a word in with Starbucks?
Tan? I am so pale most of the year now that I am pretty sure that I glow. I’ve seen the beach 3 times in the last 10 years. I used to my entire summer lying on the beach frolicking in the water. Now, you have to bribe me with money and booze to even put on a suit and go in public. The poor fingers and toes, they have been held hostage by Mommyhood for far too long. It started with pregnancy hormones drying all my skin up and my poor feet have yet to recover. I am in such desperate need of a pedicure that I’m actually ashamed to let the spa manicurists see my feet. It’s so far past the point of no return that I may need a big burly man manicurists with a sand blaster.I’m seriously thinking of going a state over to have this miracle performed just because I’m too ashamed of the possibility that I may run into them in the general public. I don’t think I could handle their judging eyes and knowing looks.
My point? What happened to all the waiting to grow up? I squandered all my beauty trying to grow up and now I’m etching closer and closer to 40 and trying to hold on to every ounce of youth I have left. I used to wake up bright eyed, bushy tailed and beautiful…now, I wake up tired! At least I get to look at my bright eyed,bushy tailed beautiful girls, right? Wrong! It’s not enough anymore to just bask in their glow. Mama is making a declaration..Mama needs to give herself some of the TLC that she’s been giving away by the bushels to others.There is no way that I’m walking around looking like my nose is covered in kiwi fuzz….anymore.KIWI FUZZ! I think I just vomited in my mouth a little at the very thought. I’m seeing a manicure and pedicure in my very near future, as well. Flip flop season is on the horizon.Time to make that dreaded trip to the next state over to meet with the big burly manicurist.
What do you do to make yourself feel beautiful? What do you think is the most important reason for you to be beautiful to you? Let’s all get our pretty back.hell, let’s bring our sexy back. And for God’s sake, Just say no to Kiwi Fuzz!

2011/03/15
Throat Punch Thursday ~F*ck Cancer Edition
This weeks Throat Punch Once again, Throat Punch Thursday has us back in Florida. Why does it seem like we are always in Florida on Thursday? Thursday recipient has had it coming for a long time. I mean for at least 12 years but , actually more like 20 years, for me personally. In general, this recipient has had it coming for as long as it’s been around. You know who I am referring to..CANCER! That sonofabitch has hurt a lot of people for a long time and almost everyone has been touched by it. I lost my Grandmother to it. I lost a close friend to it. It has completely rearranged the lives of many women I know. The last straw was when my nephew , who was only 3 at the time, was diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully, he has had a full recovery and is now a freshman in high school but that didn’t make going through it any easier when he was 3. I hate cancer….with a passion. I don’t hate too many things or people, I strongly dislike but I HATE cancer. Every time I see a friend who lost her mother, or almost lost her mother to cancer, my heart breaks. When I see my girlfriend who was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 months after having her child, my heart hurts. When I look in my nephews beautiful face, I am reminded of what he had to endure at such a young age and I can barely breathe. When I look into my girls eyes and realize that this awful thing could ever touch them, it is unfathomable. Oh, yes, I effing HATE cancer! Then I came across this bit on CNN ( you know, my source for all the sunshine I spread on Thursday)
Now, cancer just got kicked up a notch on my list.As if there weren’t enough reasons to hate cancer, this video made me want to choke cancer out and watch the life of it slowly go out. I feel that it is high time that this bastard be eradicated from the planet. Don’t you agree? To CANCER I give the reverse right legged roundhouse to the back, coupled with two lightening swift throat punches to the gullet, followed by nunchucks to the head and for good measure. I would spit in cancers face.I know,you’d expect a lady not to be so vulgar but that’s how much I HATE cancer!If you want to read the entire article about Mary Villet please go here.

Who or what is worthy of your throat punch today? Come link up. Grab a Throat Punch Thursday button ( under buttons tab), include it in your post, link up, comment and enjoy the relief that comes come relieving yourself of the stress of the world’s stupidity.
2011/04/28
My 10 Truths About Motherhood
Today, I have one of my favorite bloggy friends to help celebrate my 2nd blogiversary, Jennifer of Perfectly Disheveled. If you have not read Jenny before you are in for a treat. She is light-hearted, honest, funny, with a pinch of snark and always looks freaking completely put together. I am as serious as a heart attack. If she weren’t so damn awesome, she’d definitely be the Mommy I was jealous of looking so damn fashionable and cute all the time. Anyways, it’s late and I’m rambling. Bottom line is this, she is a fabulous writer, an awesome friend ( you know the kind who’d have your back in any situation but somehow still remain a complete lady), and an even more fantastic Mommy. She’s here to share her 10 truths about Motherhood and I am thrilled to have her here at The TRUTH about Motherhood.
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Courtesy of Perfectly Disheveled
The truth is…

I love Poop Talk. I’ve always thought poop was funny. I was the girl in elementary school (okay, maybe college too) that laughed when the boys farted. Thirty years later, I’m still the girl that laughs when a (three year old) boy farts– Only, my “laugh” is now in the form of “please say, ‘excuse me.’” or “please refrain from saying poop at the table, honey. That’s potty talk.” But in truth, I’m cracking up inside.

The truth is…

Cheerios have become as crucial as oxygen.. I never knew I could get so comfortable sleeping on them, finding them in pockets, pushing them aside in my purse. Crushed or whole, I have come to accept them every day, all day long.

The truth is…

I’m exhausted.

The truth is…

I love boogers.Let me be clear, i love my SON’s Boogers. I could wipe his nose or squeejie out snot with that little hospital bulb- turkey baster thing all day long if he’d let me. This applies strictly to his nose and his nose only though. Ask me to help you with your runny nose (or worse, pop a zit), I will vomit.

The truth is…

I “get” guilt mom guilt. I mean, I get it and I GET it. I understand how deep love can be and I understand how you can be so in love it can eat you up and even make you feel bad, because all you want to do is be so good. I get it.

The truth is….
Stay at home, work at home, work full time, work part time, work abroad, wealthy, privileged, poor, single, divorced, or somewhere where in between it is the hardest job in the entire world. Period.

The truth is…

Overall my body is actually “better” than it was before I had a baby (not withstanding that very-never-to-be-seen-again-wedding-weight.) The state of my boobs, however, I blame entirely on breast feeding advocates.

(Speaking of which…) The truth is…

Breastfeeding was not easy for me. I did it exclusively for 6 months but in truth, not sure if I loved it at all. I will absolutely breastfeed for my next baby (no plans in the near future in case you’re wondering). But I will definitely not put as much pressure on myself. My mom didn’t breastfeed me and judging by the 25 phone calls and texts exchanged daily, I’d say we’re pretty bonded. And I’m kinda smart.

The truth is…

It’s the best lesson in “don’t knock it, ’til you try it.” Before becoming a mom, I was definitely that person who judged other parents… how they disciplined, what they fed their children, how much TV they allowed. Yeahhhhh….. Sorry about that. I stand corrected. About it all. I get it now.

The truth is…

Nothing Matters more. This is not to say that I’ve given up on all things other than motherhood. This just means that it’s the thing I want to be the very best at.

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2011/05/12