I just finished week five of Nutrisystem. I am looking different and feeling different than I did just a few short weeks ago. Nutrisystem is changing my life. It is helping me learn to live in the skin I am in. My journey is as important as the destination.
Want to join me in losing weight and getting healthy on Nutrisystem? You can join Nutrisystem by calling 1-888-853-4689 or visiting https://www.nutrisystem.com/nsblog
Disclaimer: Nutrisystem is providing my program free of charge for my participation in the Nutrisystem Nation Blogger program but all opinions are honest and my own.
I just finished up week 7 of Nutrisystem. I am down .8 pounds, with my current weight being 235. As you can see my weight loss has slowed quite a bit this week but that has to do with a few things.One, I was traveling last week and found myself at the mercy of the situation because I was eating off of restaurant menus rather than at home where I could pick and choose what to eat according to my food planner. I’m traveling again this week and I am hoping that the 5 days in Chicago and eating out will be counteracted by all the walking I will be doing. (more…)
I just finished week 8 on Nutrisystem and I want to be honest with you. I did not lose a pound. In fact, I went to BlogHer and gained 4.6 pounds. So, to recap I was at 235 last week when I weighed in on Nutrisystem and now I am at 239.6. I am not happy about this but I wouldn’t trade my last week in Chicago for anything, not even 4.6 pounds. (more…)
Happy Friday, my friends!Even Better, Happy First Day of October!! Here in the Midwest, leaves are changing, the sun is shining, pumpkins are ripe, bonfires are burning, apples are begging to be picked, chili to be made, cozy sweaters to be worn, cuddles to be given to spread the warmth! Oh, how I love fall! So I am pretty excited. First of all , it’s Friday..you know what that means, I get to see the Big Guy for dinner tonight! Ladies, if you get to see your husband every night for dinner..don’t take it for granted. You don’t truly understand what a big deal it is until you don’t have it anymore. I’m also pretty excited for several other reasons. But mostly because I get to cuddle the Big Guy and my girls!Life is beautiful, even if it is just for now.
I always love this picture, it reminds me of a 60’s album cover!
I am happy to announce the winner of the Senseo Coffee Machine Giveaway, chosen by random.org, the winner is….drum roll, please……comment #15, Nicole! Congratulations, Nicole. I would also like to thank all of you who entered and tried to help me hit my 1000 followers goal! You guys are amazing. WHile I am at it, I’d also love to thank you all for all of the wonderful comments that I have been receiving lately. You guys really keep me thinking and offer some fantastic pearls of wisdom that I can add to my bag of tricks! Loving me some sisterhood through Motherhood!
Next, exciting part of news, today I am one of the Friendly Friday Featured Bloggers! I’m so excited! Please stop over and show them some love!
1. Did you have a pen pal when you were little (or now)? Where were/are they from? I had a pen pal, a boy from Turkey. We are grown ups and have been pen pals for 33 years. Now, we share pictures of our children.
2. If you could do a different job for one day, what would it be? I’d love to actually get paid for writing. Right now, I get paid to edit university students papers!
3. Do you remember your biggest fear from when you were little? I was afraid of the dark. There was no door on the closet and my overactive imagination always saw shadows and movement in the clothes.Now, I am like a Vampire, I like it as dark as possible.
4. What do you think is a waste of time? Why? Talking to stupid peo ple. It makes my head hurt, it frustrates me repeating myself, is a general waste of my time and energy. then they usually try to use words that they don’t know how to use correctly and it makes me insane!
5. What is the oldest item you have in your closet?
My Grandma’s ancient Bulova, it must be like one of the first ones ever made. I love it!
Also, if you love my Mommy Truisms series, and I know you do, please stop over at One Savvy Mom’s blog and check them out.* They will be available after 8 pm EST tonight! I am her featured guest blogger today. I am so excited. While you are there, I highly recommend you stop and stay awhile. No one does reviews and giveaways like One Savvy Mom! That lady has the scoop on what’s hot and what’s not on everything! I’m serious..everything!
My FAWK You’s for the week
Fawk You to having a night away from the girls, with just the Big Guy and not getting to fully *utilize* the hotel room to its potential.
FAWK you to that last birthday shot of Tequila that I should not have had!Boo on getting older and not handling the liquor like I did in my 20’s!
SUPER DUPER FAWK YOU in the EAR to the mysterious black eye that I woke up with from my love/ hate relationship I had with the toilet the night of my birthday!
Fawk you to my little girls growing up too fast!
Fawk you to the mean girl from ballet class.
Fawk you to never getting enough sleep! Lord, I need a nap!
Fawk You to the Big Guy getting sick and being homesick in the same day..poor guy!
Fawk you to my 5 inch hooker heels who tried to mutiny on me while out in Chicago for the first time in YEARS! Oh yeah, you thought a little hyperextended foot action was going to stop me? Tequila shut you up didn’t it?
Oh yeah, FAWK YOU to my back who is so obviously in cahoots with my hooker heels! Shame on you back! Pain pills and Muscle relaxers shut you up, didn’t they?
Disclaimer* There was no mixing of pills and booze. Scouts honor! Luckily said ailments did not happen simultaneously:)
Big GIANT FAWK YOU to myself for still not finishing my piece that I am writing for an actual paying writing job! Today’s the day it gets sent in. Wish me Luck!!!!!
And one last but not least, FAWK YOU to Mother Nature…you bitch , how is it that you know every time I am in the same zip code with my MIL ? Without fail, if she is in town or I am at her house…I will surely start to hemorrhage. I think if we actually lived in the same area code all the time, I would literally bleed out! Damn You Mother nature, go annoy someone else!I’ve gotta wedding to go to this weekend!
According to the Concord Monitor of Concord New Hampshire, On the short West Washington Street block where the police said a Concord High School freshman was bullied into getting a lewd tattoo on his buttocks, other students who took part said it takes “ink” and cigarettes to join their crew. Their spot, nicknamed “Bell’s Street” after a family who once lived there, is where the police said a 14-year-old student was targeted because he was intellectually challenged and wanted to fit in. One man, Blake VanNest, 18, promised the freshman that others would stop bullying him once he got “Poop D–k” tattooed across his buttocks. VanNest arranged to have another friend, Ryan Fisk, 19, bring a tattoo gun, which had been used without a license on other students in the group. According to the police, at about noon on May 10, with others watching from metal folding chairs, VanNest and Fisk threatened the victim into kneeling against a weight bench, taking turns etching dark ink into his skin. While VanNest and Fisk are jailed on $35,000 bail, their friends, some of whom have also been charged in connection with the incident, returned late last week to their spot on West Washington Street. Moments after the final bell rang at Concord High, they gathered to smoke cigarettes and laugh about pictures of their friends in the newspaper. Neighbors complain of fights, loud music, littering and aggressive teenagers who refuse to move out of the way for oncoming traffic. Some feel uncomfortable about giving their names or calling the police, for fear of being targeted themselves. The police said officers who patrol the area keep a special eye on West Washington Street, but it’s one of many areas of focus.
Seriously what the hell is going on? What kind of world do we live in where we can’t even send our kids to school safely. This 14 year old mentally challenged boy was completely taken advantage of. Where were the teachers? I mean, even the crazy teacher beating students asses in Houston was a defender of the mentally challenged. If that crazy bitch was in New Hampshire, this never would have happened. If he was mentally challenged, aren’t there supposed to be aids and care givers within the school to watch over him and keep him safe from such predators? He should not have been left to his own devices to fend for himself against the advances of these men. I am speechless. I may have to stop watching the news. These criminals have no remorse and don’t seem likely to stop this behavior any time soon. Even if they did., it seems there are several others to fall into position and take over their place. What does it say about our society that we raise our kids to treat other human beings like this? Have we lost all compassion and humanity? I hope to raise my daughters to be more caring and empathetic of others; to aid and protect the weak not to prey on them.Absolutely despicable! I am outraged and embarrassed for these perpetrators.
Every once in awhile I get the opportunity to use my piece of the Internet for something good. I love when that happens because it makes me feel like I have a higher purpose than just documenting my life online. It gives me a chance to actively make the world a better place for my girls, to be a good example and give back.
I partnered with The Motherhood and Champions for Kids for their Snacks for Students Program. Champions for Kids is the first of several campaigns to launch nationally, with the goal to provide resources for more than 10 million children in 2015. It makes it simple to give kids in your own community the resources they need to thrive. Since 2004, Champions for Kids has served more than 5.4 million children across all 50 states through in-store donation campaigns, service projects and community events.
Champions for Kids, General Mills, Kellogg’s, Emerald and Kettle Chips have joined forces to make it simple for communities to provide basic resources for students through in-store donations.
The Snacks for Students program is part of the Champions for Kids program that seeks to make it simple for shoppers to purchase and donate items to children in need. I chose to work with a local organization called Charis House for Homeless Mothers and Children. This is a cause close to my heart because there are so many brave women who have to make the decision to leave an abusive relationship, many relinquishing all financial stability in order to give their children and themselves a better chance at life.
From February 16 to March 2, U.S. customers at more than 3,600 participating Walmart stores can purchase snacks and breakfast items for children and place them inside designated donation bins. All donations made in-store will stay in the local community and be distributed through school districts or youth-based organizations. This is the perfect way to give back to the people that should matter the most to you, the children in your own community. Doesn’t every child deserve a full belly?
In addition, Champions for Kids, General Mills, Kellogg’s, Emerald and Kettle Chips will provide 13 awards, totaling $45,000, to school districts and participating youth-based organizations based on the total number of donated items collected in each store.
I am proud to be a part of this program and to be able to help the Charis House for Homeless Mothers and Children. Who will you help feed?
Disclosure: I partnered with The Motherhood, Champions for Kids and Walmart to provide donations for the organization of my choice but all opinions are my own.
I’m voting for Hillary Clinton this November because I want a better world for my daughters and Michelle Obama is my new woman crush. I’ve always respected the woman behind President Barack Obama, but never more than last night when she spoke out on behalf of Hillary Clinton. These women know what all parents should know and that is that the presidency is about leaving something better for our kids. It’s about our American legacy, our footprint on the world. We have the power to change it, what will we do with that power.
With every word we utter, with every action we take, we know our kids are watching us. We as parents are the most important role model.
Let me tell you, Barack and I take that same approach to our jobs as president and first lady because we know that our words and actions matter, not just to our girls but the children across this country.
Make no mistake about it, this November, when we get to the polls, that is what we are deciding. Not Democrat or Republican, not left or right. In this election, and every election, it is about who will have the power to shape our children for the next four or eight years of their lives. I am you tonight because in this election, there is only one person who I trust with that responsibility, only one person who I believe is truly qualified to be president of the United States, and that is our friend Hillary Clinton.
I trust Hillary to lead this country because I have seen her lifelong devotion to our nation’s children. Not just her own daughter, who she has raised to perfection, but every child who needs a champion: kids who take the long way to school to avoid the gangs. Kids who wonder how they will ever afford college. Kids whose parents don’t speak a word of English, but dream of a better life; who look to us to dream of what they can be.
Hillary has spent decades doing the relentless work to actually make a difference in their lives. Advocating for kids with disabilities as a young lawyer, fighting for children’s health care as first lady, and for quality child care in the senate.
And when she did not win the nomination eight years ago, she did not get angry or disillusioned. Hillary did not pack up and go home because … Hillary knows that this is so much bigger than her own disappointment. She proudly stepped up to serve our country once again as secretary of state, traveling the globe to keep our kids safe. There were moments when Hillary could have decided that this work was too hard, that the price of public service was too high, that she was tired of being [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][torn] apart for how she looked, or how she talked, or even how she laughed.
But here’s the thing: What I admire most about Hillary is that she never buckles under pressure.
She never takes the easy way out. And Hillary Clinton has never quit on anything in her life. And when I think about the kind of president that I want for my girls and all our children, that is what I want. I want someone with the proven strength to persevere.
Somebody who knows this job and takes it seriously. Somebody who understands that the issues of our nation are not black or white. It cannot be boiled down to 140 characters. Because when you have the nuclear codes at your fingertips and the military in your command, you can’t make snap decisions. You can’t have thin skin or a tendency to lash out. You need to be steady and measured and well-informed.
Michelle Obama’s speech made me want to go knocking door to door campaigning for Hillary Clinton.
A president that truly believes in the [precedent] that our founders put forth all those years ago — that we are all created equal, each a beloved part of the great American story. When crisis hits, we don’t turn against each other, we listen to each other. We lean on each other. We are always stronger together. I am here tonight because I know that that is the kind of president Hillary Clinton will be and that is why in this election, I’m with her.
You see, Hillary understands that the presidency is about one thing and one thing only. It is about leaving something better for our kids. That is how we have always moved this country forward — by all of us coming together on behalf of our children. Volunteering to coach the team, teach the Sunday school class, because they know it takes a village.
Michelle Obama moved me to tears because she is everything that is right with this country. I am sick of the mudslinging of the Trump camp. I don’t want to go low, I want to go high. So, I am asking all of you to register to vote this year and get out and vote for Hillary Clinton. Don’t let something terrible happen to this country of ours, let’s fight to keep it great. I’m with her all the way.
I say Hillary Clinton for President 2016 and Michelle Obama for President 2024!
Are you a playdate pro or are you a new mom just dipping her toe in the playdate pond? Either way, learning all the rules and regulations for playdates as a new mom is about as easy as patting your head and rubbing your belly while reciting the lyrics to Baby Shark backwards. And almost as annoying. Makes me wonder what is proper playdate etiquette protocol for toddlers and their moms? What if my child doesn’t make friends? These are the things I used to stay up at nights worrying about when the girls were small but I’ve learned some things along the way and I think they could be helpful to you. If your children do have trouble getting along with other children, then you could consult with a doctor about childhood social disorder treatment to see if it’s right for your little ones.
I remember once having a wonderful playdate ( well, Bella and Gabs were having the playdate while I enjoyed my time hanging out with the kid’s mom, my “mom friend”)let’s just call it a family play date. If we’re being 100% honest, those playdates were as much for me as they were for the girls I loved having those women to talk to, share with and bond with over our mommy war stories. The struggle is real in the mommyhood.
But in those moments, I was still left wondering, what is the appropriate duration of a playdate for children ages 2 to 5-years-old? What the hell is proper playdate protocol? How do you let them know when it’s time to go home without offending anyone?
Seriously, I’ve been hosting playdates since 2006. In the beginning, they lasted anywhere from a half hour, that seemed like an eternity, to a cool 5 hours that never seemed like quite enough time together. I’ve attended playdates where I couldn’t stop checking my phone and biding my time until I could leave. Other times, I could have stayed longer because the kids were having fun and the conversation and coffee were flowing. Do you know what I am talking about? We’ve all been there.
Other times you find yourself, sitting there, watching the clock, thinking to yourself, can I leave now without looking like a giant a**hole (quietly wishing your head would explode like in Scanners)? It all really depends on the company and the activity. But really, there has to be some kind of etiquette to this; some sort of method to all the madness. If not, chaos would break out. Moms would be walking out mid-sentence once they start hearing something they didn’t like; others would become squatters and it shouldn’t be that hard. It’s like real dating.
We need rules; proper Playdate Etiquette Protocol for Toddlers and their Moms
I’m lucky, I’ve been doing this Mommy gig long enough to have a really great group of Mommies kids that we have playdates with. Most of our playdates were, seriously, 2-5 hours in duration (so awesome how well my girls slept on those nights). But other days, no matter how many crafts or jungle gyms you had, the date was just a dud.
Sometimes we’d hit the zoo, sometimes we’d watch a kids movie, sometimes we’d have coffee and the kids played dress up and put on shows, sometimes it was a combo and lunch. The adorable videos that I could post on InstaStories could give the cat videos a run for their money.
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the need to flee the scene of a playdate going to hell in a handbasket but I know they’re out there. My girls are now old enough, to host playdates without parental supervision but I won’t lie, sometimes I miss it. I don’t get to see my mom friends like I used to because now, everyone has extracurricular activities and more than one kid and no one has time for coffee and lingering conversation or wine and kids dressing up. Now, we have to find time to get together ourselves and it’s much harder than it sounds so cherish these toddler playdates. Here’s a little help.
Proper Playdate Etiquette Protocol for Toddlers and their Moms
Parents should always stay with their child if they are preschooler age and under.
For the first playdate with someone you haven’t had playdates with before, I recommend setting a time limit of 1 hour.
After the initial playdate, if you like the mom and kid and everyone gets along, set a strict time i.e. 10 am-noon. The best guideline is 1.5-2 hours that doesn’t interfere with naptime.
Parents should always pack snacks for their own children. As a playdate hostess, I’ve always provided appropriate snacks and drinks.
Elementary school-aged children are a little different, ask the hosting parent if they want you to stay or go. Around fifth grade, you can safely assume that you will not be part of your child’s playdate.
When kids are elementary school aged, you need to relinquish control a little bit. This starts with snacks. Let the parents know if your child has any food allergies and if they have any pet allergies since you won’t be there.
Once they are in high school, you just need to provide your children with the upbringing and the trust to make good choices and a cellphone so that you can keep in touch. Duration of “playdates” can last from a few hours to a few days. When I was a teenager, my best friend spent the night at my house almost every day of the week.
These are just a few pointers for proper playdate etiquette for toddlers and their moms. What is your favorite pointer for hosting playdates?
It’s a little frightening how many people I know my age have gotten divorced recently. I’m sure the pandemic didn’t help. You really get to know someone when you’re trapped in a house with them for 16 months. CoVid was a marital stress of epic proportions. I’m sure even the healthiest couples thought about it at least once during the past few months.
This is why I am constantly trying to think of ways to grow closer to my spouse and ways to grow stronger as a family.
Some of the couples I thought were perfect for one another, called it quits quietly. Divorce is, unfortunately, pretty prevalent these days with about 39% of all marriages ending in an uncoupling. Let’s be honest, no one gets married to get divorced but no one gets married to be unhappy either. Honestly, if the marriage isn’t working out, there are only 3 ways it can go 1) work together to grow together and hope it’s enough 2) do nothing and stay in a miserable marriage (this shouldn’t even be an option) 3) divorce and move on with your life.
The thing is sometimes there is someone to blame, sometimes people just fall out of love and sometimes people grow apart. It’s not a crime but it’s not exactly the happily ever after any of us dreamed of. People are busier than ever before; kids are overscheduled, parents are overworked, overwhelmed and exhausted and no one has time to just be present anymore. This is where things can start to slowly fall through the cracks and no one even notice it.
The best thing we can do as couples is spending quality time together; one-on-one facetime, listening and touching. Hugs, holding hands, kissing and saying I love you may seem trivial because you assume the other person just knows but they don’t. Words and actions matter. It never hurts to speak it into existence. Take the time, say it and do it. It can mean the difference between 2 months and 20 years. This applies to building relationships with your children too.
9 ways to grow closer to your spouse and ways to grow stronger as a family
Eat Together
Every day, everyone is in a hurry to get to work or school. Usually, breakfast is hurried, lunch is spent at work or school so make dinner count. This is something my parents do and something, the Big Guy and I have made a point of doing. Dinner every night at 5, unless there is an extracurricular, in which case, we all wait until we’re all there. Sharing meals is one of the best ways to come together as a family and check in with one another.
Whenever you share a meal, stay focused by implementing a no phone and no television rule. Instead, be present and talk to one another.
Do the boring stuff together
Chores and errands often feel like a lot of work and no fun. Obviously, kids (and adults alike) would rather spend their days with friends, relaxing, watching movies or doing anything else other than the menial stuff. Everyone who lives in the house should be responsible for doing their part of the chores and if you do it right (we add loud Latin music, lots of dancing and laughing and a definite start and end time) it can be a great way to bond as a family. Have a list of tasks ready and assign them accordingly; you can perform them together at a set time during the week or weekend when you all can do them together.
Doing chores together fosters teamwork; if one experiences a difficult time, those who complete their tasks first can help and that tiny act shows love. If your kids have demanding schedules, give them deadlines to complete their chores. They’ll soon learn that performing duties together makes it more fun and fast than doing them alone. To make it more rewarding, have something to look forward to afterward, like enjoying a special meal or going out to the movies.
One-on-one time
Spending time as a family is great, but don’t forget to have one-on-ones with each other. It’s about quality not quantity. You can spend half an hour with each of your family members on different days. It’s as simple as asking what they’d like to do. Having one-on-ones with parents is crucial for kids; you get to discover what’s going on in their life away from home and their needs or troubles. One-on-ones with your partner is what feeds the intimacy that will get you through the hard times. Give your partner your full attention when there are no distractions; you can discuss issues to do with family and individual hopes, dreams, and aspirations.
Laugh together
Laughter is said to be food for the soul; it makes a bad day better and helps you bond as a family. Laughing stimulates your immune system and reduces stress; it has been proven to actually add to one’s life. Enjoy every moment you get to share in laughter, whether your husband ripped his pants showing off his killer dance moves at an impromptu kitchen dance party or you’re watching funny TikToks with your family (something we do often as an after-dinner activity). Whenever possible, create time to share stories, play games, or just cut up and laugh together. It relieves tensions and models to not take yourself too seriously to your children.
Attitude of gratitude
Family members do a lot for each other without expecting anything in return; saying thank you after a good deed can go a long way in making someone feel valued. Be appreciative by taking the time to surprise a family member with a gift, note of gratitude, or simply say “thank you” when one does something for you. It teaches respect and instills an attitude of gratitude.
Create family traditions
Family traditions and rituals enable you to create time for each other and memories; they shouldn’t just be for the holidays. Create routines like family movie nights, carving out pumpkins, game nights and baking days, weekly or monthly. Suppose there is an activity that you all enjoy doing, such as playing soccer, attending festivals, or picking strawberries during summer, do them together. These traditions ensure that even when the kids move away, they’ll want to make time to attend and be together with the rest of the family because of the fond memories they have of doing them in the past.
Family vacations
For us, travel is top of the list ofthings to do to ensure our family grows together. Going away on regular trips gives you quality time as a family, away from busy schedules and school. It allows you the space and time to be present with one another while making new memories together. Include everyone in the planning so that no one feels left out, including the kids. If going away on vacation sounds like fun, start planning, say a month earlier. Include it in the family calendar and inform everyone. Weekend getaways with your spouse can really reignite the fires of romance too and it doesn’t have to be far, just a local hotel will do where you can be man and woman and not just mom and dad.
Exercise as a family
Exercise is personal and I love my time alone, if I’m being honest but other times, I love long walks with my husband, bike rides as a family or a fun HIIT dance workout with my teen girls. If your family is into fitness, working up a sweat together is a healthy and fun way to spend time and bond with each other. Exercising together doesn’t require you to sign up for a boot camp, though that’s also a viable idea. Find simple ways to stay active while outdoors or indoors. When it’s warm, take a walk, run or bike around the block or to the park, create an indoor gym or plan workouts and do them together. If you have a furry friend, take him out for a walk together. It’s not about what you do, it’s about moving and being together.
Make time for family meetings
Meeting as a family is essential for you to check in with each other, discuss plans, or air grievances. We do this daily at dinner time. Family meetings also create an excellent time to discuss upcoming events like chores to perform during the weekend, day trips, or vacations. Schedule meetings on your calendar or check in with everyone to know their availability if it’s impromptu. Let everyone send in their items or issues for the agenda so that all grievances are discussed. To make these meetings effective, establish some guidelines.
Family is the most important thing in life, couples, siblings and parents are all a vital role in it. It takes a lot of time and effort to keep everyone together and thriving. We intentionally set an example early on so that our girls would grow up placing a high value on family. The bottom line is that family is everything so enjoy and cherish your family in all the ways. Never lose sight of the fact that marriage and parenting take effort and don’t just happen. Remember to not take one another for granted and tell people how you feel, happy or sad, before things go left unsaid and unheard for too long.
These are just a few of the ways, I work on my family and my marriage every day. It’s not the only way but it is the way that works for us. What are your best tips for ways to grow closer to your family and ways to grow stronger as a family?
Have you ever had a mom low point that was so rough that it knocked you right back on your butt and made you feel like you were doing absolutely everything wrong? Being a mom is hard. I mean question yourself, cry after they go to bed, guilt-ridden, love them so fiercely that sometimes it feels like you might die…hard. Sometimes it’s so hard that I just want to throw my hands up and walk away and other times, I want to crumple up on the floor and assume the fetal position but other times, like tonight, when I feel like a complete failure, my instinct is to fight as hard as I can for what is certainly the most precious and important thing in my life, my girls.
As you may have noticed, I didn’t post too often during the holidays. I was in a proverbial Nutcracker dug hole. You see, I had this dream of what my daughters’ childhood would look like and it was the complete opposite of mine. I wanted them to have extravagant parties (because I had none). I wanted them to be well rounded and that meant culture so there needed to play an instrument, play a sport and learn a language and on top of all of that, I expected good no GREAT grades. Okay, I had some of that but I had a lot of hard times and dysfunction and I never wanted any of that for them. Bottom line, I wanted to protect them from any hardship but I’ve realized hardships come in many different forms.
My rule was if they wanted to try it, I was going to support it but still, I had expectations of my daughters but I was mindful not to put labels on them or to compare them to others or to be too hard on them. When I was a small child, I was labeled “gifted” (I hate that stupid term. It’s meaningless.) because of my IQ but all that did was pigeonhole me onto the college prep FastTrack, from about 7-years-old on, I had no choice in the matter. My life was laid out for me.
Even when all my grades were A’s, the unavoidable, “why aren’t they A+s?” always followed. I never felt good enough and there was no time or budget for me to do frivolous things like extracurriculars unless they were school provided. In fact, when all of my friends were taking things like typing and art in high school, I was taking what today would be considered AP everything, plus on the newspaper, the yearbook and taking 2 foreign languages. I graduated with a gold seal on my diploma but I hated school because it was just layered upon layer of expectations for me. It wasn’t about experiences; it was about winning. What the prize was, I never figured out. It must have been that f*cking meaningless gold seal. In return, I have never felt adequate enough. Ever. That is the last thing I want for my children.
I’ve been keeping my mom shit together pretty good over the years, sure it’s held together by duct tape and bubble gum like I’m the effing mom MacGyver but I thought I was doing a good job. Sure, I have an occasional mom low point but mostly, I thought my mom skills were on point. I tell my kids not to measure themselves against others, and yet, I almost constantly measure my failures against my friend’s perceived triumphs. I tell my girls they are perfect but all I do is see my own flaws. I am parenting the do as I say not as I do way and it’s not what I wanted. Not at all.
Anyways, the girls are, by all accounts, thriving. They play the violin, dance in the city’s ballet youth company, they tap and do jazz, there is gymnastics and cheer and oh, yes, choir plus the grades are always all “A”s but there are no recesses, no playdates, no rest and no down time. Every minute is filled with STUFF and for what? In 12 years, who is going to care if they did all of this? They’re missing experiences and for the first time ever, the report card didn’t show all “A”s. I’m failing my children again. Alert: Mom low point!
I know that is not the end of the world but the thing is it wasn’t because my kids aren’t smart enough, it’s because they simply didn’t have the time to dedicate to their homework because they were so overbooked. They had to miss school for performances and then they got sick because they were so run down. Now, I’m sitting here feeling like the world’s shittiest mom because I let this happen to them. I allowed this perfect storm of disappointment to come into their lives when I’m the one who should have protected them from it.
Friends and family (including the Big Guy) have been telling me for years to cut it back to save myself a headache but I would not relent because it felt selfish. Now, I see that I need to cut things back because it’s too much for them and that’s all it’s ever really been about. So today, I’m getting rid of things in our lives. I’m cutting the fat so that we can enjoy these few years they have left at home. I don’t care if they are not doing all the things.
Parenting today is nothing like when my parents raised me. We did less and they were accountable for less. My God, I grew up in the time of no seatbelts and riding in the back of pick-up trucks. I played outside until the streetlights came on and I walked all over town with my friends, with no cell phone or chip. The goal was graduating high school without going to jail or ending up pregnant or a serial killer. By the standards, my parents did a bang up job. But things are different now, parenting is not about getting by. It’s a measure of your worth as a human being, especially if you’re a stay-at-home parent because if it’s not about the kids…what’s it all been for? That’s not just my own opinion, it’s societies. If you’re a stay-at-home parent and your child is not perfect, you suck. Well, I SUCK.
Some days I feel like I am failing so hard at being a mom but then other days, I feel like I am absolutely killing it. You know those days when everything goes smoothly and no one is throwing a tantrum, stomping or arguing? The days when you are so happy to be their mom that you feel like your heart just might burst wide open. All the terrible mom low points are worth those days. The days when you are driving in the car singing at the top of your lungs and laughing and loving each other so hard that you feel invincible. Those days rock my world. For me, happiness is this.
My goal is to be more present, more engaged and focus on moments with my children not all the things or all the benchmarks of what is expected of a “good mom”. I am a good mom. I love my girls. We just got so caught up in doing what was expected of us that we forgot to do what feels best for our family; what actually is best for our family.
Have you ever had a moment in parenting that made you reassess your entire process? What was your mom low point?
