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The TRUTH About Motherhood

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  • A Romance for the Ages

    On my birthday, as a very special treat, my husband and I had the privilege of seeing  Romeo and Juliet  courtesy of the Chicago Shakespeare Theater. This was a particularly sweet part of my birthday because  not only am I a big fan of the theater, the works of Shakespeare are my absolute favorite. Even more importantly, I have been in love with the story of Romeo and Juliet since I first read it when I was 13. I remember fantasizing as a young girl about being immersed in a love as deep as that of Romeo and Juliet. You can imagine my delight at being given the chance to watch the production with my very own Romeo.

    As you may know, from my last experience at the Chicago Shakespeare Theater , the theater itself is very impressive. We arrived and were ushered into this gloriously enchanting theater, set up very similar to what a traditional Elizabethan theater would have been set up.Basically, the stage juts out into the center of the theater and there is truly not a bad seat in the intimate theater.I particularly love the lighting, upon arrival it was very warm and gave the theater a romantic glow.

     
    The production itself was amazing. This being one of my favorite plays of Shakespeare, I have read the book several times, seen every movie variation ever made ( My personal favorite being Franco Zefferelli’s) , and seen it on the stage via television but I have never had the pleasure of seeing it live on stage. So, to say that I was excited for this opportunity is a great understatement.
    I was particularly impressed by how contemporary yet timeless the play was portrayed. It opens with the Capulet’s men and Montague’s men bickering in a fight scene in the street. The two families were easily identifiable by either blue or red stitching on their clothing. It was very gritty and because of the size and shape of the theater you felt like a bystander on the street watching the feud unfold.Actually, the entire time I was watching the play, I felt like I was part of the production; an extra, if you will.The Elizabethan theater shape really is genius. I wish all theaters were set up like this.
    I found it very interesting that the costumes transcended time by including clothing from just about every era of the 20th century. It was apparent but very subtle. More of a nuance than a direct appeal to your senses. I was, however, most impressed by the use of the true dialogue. Being that I am such a fan, I always expect to be let down when a classic is produced on stage, especially if it is updated for contemporary audiences. I understand why this is done, to make the production more easily relate able and understood but it has always made me feel like they were “dumbing it down” for their audience. This was NOT the case at the CST production. The wardrobe and the set were changed somewhat to be timely but the dialogue itself was true to the original Shakespeare and thanks to the superior acting skills of the cast, even a Shakespeare novice could understand what was going on and thoroughly enjoy the production.
    All of the cast were superior. Obviously, I loved the characters of Romeo (John Lillico) and Juliet ( Joy Farmer-Clary). Juliet was absolutely beautiful and played the part with a childlike innocence and limited view of the world. Romeo was very charming and lived on the stage like your average teen aged boy; feasting on romance and living inside of his own head, oblivious to the reality surrounding him. The chemistry between the two was palpable. The two actors were very well suited for their parts. Even with the combustible chemistry, they played the parts very innocently (as it was meant to be since the characters are young teenagers not adults). It really added to the romance of the show.
    Other characters of note were the Nurse (Ora Jones) who gave the part a certain je ne sais quoi that really made her endearing to the audience. She was boisterous, over the top, and vivacious. I loved watching her reactions to the goings on of the other characters. Another fabulous addition to the cast was  Benvolio ( Steve Haggard) who made the character very likable and funny. He added a lightheartedness to the play that was definitely needed to balance out the tragedy. But my favorite character was, as it has always been, Mercutio (Ariel Shafir). Mr. Shafir played Mercutio perfectly. He was funny, honest, over the top, loud, sarcastic, and honorable. Mercutio was portrayed as the friend that everybody wants to have in their life. The quick wit of the dialogue coupled with the physical acting of the character provided much entertainment. All of the cast were exceptionally well suited for their parts. Gale Edwards did a fantastic job directing this production.

    It is so seldom that we get a night out away from the children and this was also my birthday so I was hanging the moon on this production. I am happy to say it did not disappoint. I would recommend this production to any friend of mine and I highly suggest it for date night for any couple that wants an excuse to snuggle into your own Romeo. The story is timeless, the cast superior, the theater beautiful, and romance is definitely in the air. The Big Guy and I left the building holding hands and the production really did start my birthday celebration of with a bang!
    Romeo and Juliet runs September 15, 2010 thru to November 21, 2010,with multiple performance times available. There are also many great activities and attractions going on at Navy Pier this fall so come for the show and make a day or night of it on the Pier! If you live in the Chicago land, Northwest Indiana area, I would highly recommend making this performance a date night destination while you still have the opportunity. For more information click the link below
    https://www.chicagoshakes.com/main.taf?p=2,47
    Disclosure: I was provided with tickets to see Romeo and Juliet by  The Chicago Shakespeare Theater in order to view the performance  and give my own personal opinions on it. The opinions I have given are mine and may differ from others but were NOT influenced by the Chicago Shakespeare Theater..

  • Eating Disorders affect more than just your Body; Maura Kelly

    Maura Kelly, sex and relationship blogger for Marie Claire, wrote a post yesterday titled, Should “Fatties” Get a Room? (Even on TV?).The post was about the sitcom Mike & Molly, “the show centers around a couple who meet at an Overeaters Anonymous group  has drawn complaints for its abundance of fat jokes [as well as] cries from some viewers who aren’t comfortable watching intimacy between two plus-sized actors.” In her post, she expressed her disdain for having to watch two “Fatties” make out, or simply walk across a room. This post garnered a lot of attention on the blogosphere and spread through twitter like a wildfire. I know, I was there..fanning the flames. I thought, what a monumental asshole this broad is behaving like. My next thought, who the hell is running that joint Marie Claire? Are there no editors? Talk about free speech!

    OK, so she wrote a post about a sitcom. The problem is how she wrote it. The voice she used was very condescending and insulting. I agree with her that I don’t like to watch two people make out either but it has nothing to do with size, shape, color; I simply do not want to feel like I am watching porn. If that is what I wanted, well, I’d let the Big Guy choose something. But Ms. Kelly just kept repeatedly stepping in the proverbial dog shit. It was as if she backed up and stepped in it all over again, just to make sure she got it on her shoe. As evidenced by this quote

    So anyway, yes, I think I’d be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other … because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I’d find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.

    As if that were not enough, she continued on

    But … I think obesity is something that most people have a ton of control over. It’s something they can change, if only they put their minds to it.
    (I’m happy to give you some nutrition and fitness suggestions if you need them — but long story short, eat more fresh and unprocessed foods, read labels and avoid foods with any kind of processed sweetener in them whether it’s cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, increase the amount of fiber you’re getting, get some kind of exercise for 30 minutes at least five times a week, and do everything you can to stand up more — even while using your computer — and walk more. I admit that there’s plenty that makes slimming down tough, but YOU CAN DO IT! Trust me. It will take some time, but you’ll also feel so good, physically and emotionally. A nutritionist or personal trainer will help — and if you can’t afford one, visit your local YMCA for some advice.)

    This part is simply insulting to injury because you see Ms. Kelly has had self-admitted issues with eating disorders, anorexia in particular, herself. So, really she shouldn’t be giving diet and nutritional advice to anyone. ANYONE! She claims to be recovered. Of course, having had my own experience with eating disorders, I know that being a recovered Anorexic is about the same as being a “recovered” alcoholic. You may have stopped the behavior but you have to take it one day at a time because you can’t unlearn what you’ve already become privy to. You may decide that it’s not the way for you and stop the behavior but your mind still knows the path.

    I’m no shrink but I’d say, from my own past experience, I had NO tolerance for overweight people because I was insane with an obsession with my own weight. I felt like if I could control myself from eating, what I ate, how much I ate, when I ate, if I ate; then why couldn’t others show the same self-control? You develop a disgust because partly they don’t have your self-control, but with that, they also do not have your misery. The misery that wanting brings and this causes some jealousy and resentment. I’m not saying she still has eating issues but I think maybe she still needs to work through to her own resolution. This is not an excuse and probably not understandable to anyone who has not experienced these issues.

    I’ve been “recovering” from these issues for 13 years and I still battle with acceptance of my own body. I have chosen to do it the right way, the slow..healthy, working out, eating the right way. With the time it takes the body to heal it also gives the mind and spirit time to heal, appropriately. I do not cringe at heavy set people anymore. That was my own self-loathing being externalized. I say to each his own. There is a terrible obesity epidemic in the United States and, for health’s sake, I hope people can come around to healthier lifestyles.

    There is nothing wrong with the show Mike and Molly, it is representative of a large part of our population. What’s wrong with having a show that lets us see these two people falling in love? Don’t they deserve the same happiness that anyone else deserves? Shame on you Maura Kelly for projecting your own issues onto the overweight people of the world. Does it make you feel better to make them feel worse? Just remember how miserable you felt when you were obsessing over your weight, and now realize that your piece may have done that for some poor overweight woman or girl! If you’re not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.

  • Mommy Truisms; The Trust Your Gut Edition

    It’s been awhile since I’ve posted any of my truisms so I may have went overboard. Of course, they are all true and we all need to know that we are not alone in this crazy ride we call Motherhood. So, hang on to your cute little crocheted hats ladies…it’s going to be an exciting and bumpy ride!Happy Mothering!

    • No matter how much you spin, Turbo Jam,  or Zumba your body will never go back exactly the way it was before babies. It may be just as good but it is changed forever.
    • If you’ve given birth, you WILL pee just a little if you sneeze or laugh too hard. Expect it. If you don’t like it…Kegel it and/or get yourself some Mommy type pantie liners.You can not prevent this from happening, no more than you can prevent your stomach getting large when pregnant.
    • Once you have a child, you will NEVER get enough sleep again…ever..for the rest of your life!
    • Children can live on cheeze-its, string cheese and apples alone. I call it the connoisseur in training program. Add some grape juice to that combo and you are raising a child with a discerning palette.
    • Stretch marks are not sexy…to anybody.Anybody who tells you they are is either a) a liar b) a liar or c) really desperate for sex and totally in love with you for giving birth to their big headed child:)
    • If you ask your child a question and they a)smile…just a little bit ( more of a grin really) b)look away and say “I don’t know” or “No” c) if they blush even the slightest whilst avoiding eye contact and  grinning; they are lying to you.
    • Kids can be unintentionally cruel because half the time they know not the meaning of the words they are using, so always remember to take any insults they hurl at you with a grain salt.I realize it still hurts your heart but they DON’T mean it! If they did, I would have already thrown myself in the river as many times as my 3 year old has told me “Mommy, me hate you!”, today alone.
    • There is NOTHING, absolutely nothing, in the entire world that is sweeter than a two little arms hugging your neck and telling you “Mommy, you are the best Mommy in the whole wide world!”Of course, their world usually only includes your house…but hey, its nice to be queen:)
    • NEVER underestimate the power of a good Mommy friend, no Mommy is an island. You need her more than you know. When you find a real one, put yourself into her loving hands. She could possibly save your life.
    • When your little girl has her first crush and the little boy’s Mom informs you that they will be attending the Nutcracker solely to see your daughter perform ( because the little boy has demanded it) try not to flash forward to her wedding and tear up.They really do grow up too fast, don’t relinquish one moment of their childhood..in your head or otherwise.
    • Some days, you may feel isolated, overwhelmed, exhausted and like you have completely lost your mind..you probably have but take solace in the fact that there are many more of us out there like you than you think or could possibly know.
    • There will be a time in your Mommy life when you are on the fence whether you want another baby or not, when that happens and your ovaries start twitching and your uterus begging for a tenant, take a minute and think it over honestly. Remember, all the long sleepless nights, breastfeeding issues, explosive diarrhea diapers and then ask yourself… do I still want to go through that again?If the answer is yes or I don’t mind…Go for it!  ( well, after consulting your spouse of course:)
    • There is nothing more cute than a 5 year old and a 3 year old in their new dresses at a tea party, and nothing as lovely as the excitement and wonderment in their eyes when they watch the Nutcracker ( or anything to do with Christmas for that matter) ballet for the first time.
    • As a mother, sometimes you will have to say, do things, be friends with people you don’t like for your children’s best interest..learn it, live it, love it!
    • It is your right as the Mommy to refuse to let your child go on a field trip that has no chaperones, two teachers and 47 kids.Do not buckle under peer pressure. It’s your child; it’s your decision..final answer!
    • In all things concerning your child’s well being, trust your gut.It’ s not just there for show, its there for a reason.
    • There is something unresistably precious about a half asleep baby stumbling out of bed and climbing up into your life( Freudian slip) lap and cuddling (even if it is 10:30 and you’re trying to write a post) let them. Savor the moment. Kiss the top of their head and bask in their cuddles.Soon, they will outgrow your lap.
  • Mommy Sex and the Man Cold a Tale as Old as Time

    Mommy Sex and the Man Cold a Tale as Old as Time

    Mommy sex and the man cold don’t mix. If you thought pregnancy and crabs was the worst things you could catch from unprotected sex, you’ve never caught the man cold. And when I say protected, I’m not just talking about wearing a condom, I’m talking about sporting some sexy hazmat suit from head to toe. I learned the hard way that mommy sex and the man cold are a bad combination.

    I woke up this morning feeling like I had been run over, backed up and run over again by a mac truck full of cattle. That’s almost how bad I felt, but actually…I feel worse than that. I blame myself, really. Apparently, there are no “poor girls not gotten laid in awhile” pass clause when it comes to your husband being sick. Girl, if you back that truck up and let him cough on you…hey, sex at your own risk; proceed with caution.

    See, normally I’m all, “Don’t kiss me on the mouth” all hooker style when he’s sick. But being with the way things are lately ( the whole living situation, limited time together) once we hit the conjagulorium all bets were off. In the heat of the moment, I didn’t care where he kissed me I was more focused on the fact that he was home to kiss me at all. Desperate times, desperate measures.

    Now, I’m sneezing so much that I’ve already had to change my panties twice this morning and its only 1 pm. I’m coughing non-stop. My throat hurts like I swallowed razor blades and then took a shot of Drano and my voice is crackling. I have a runny nose that keeps producing the most unladylike green substance that I have ever seen in the entire of my whole life.

    That’s not even mentioning my chapped red nose, my chapped lips, my deafness and lack of smell. Plus I pretty much feel like I am walking around in a big giant bubble of sickness.

    Guess what? A 3 and 5-year-old, don’t care. They don’t give even one fuck that I caught daddy’s man cold. One’s yelling at me because I won’t take them to Healthworks science museum, the other one is pissed off because she wants me to bring up her winter clothes from the basement and all I really want to do is curl up and try not to die. Why won’t these tiny people let me be sick in peace?

    So, you can just imagine what happened when I saw the dirty dishes in the sink this morning. You know, the dirty dishes that I asked the Big Guy to do before he left back out of town. I believe my exact words were,

    “Please do the dishes before you leave. I’ve done them for three months straight and I think I might blow my head off if I have to do them again!”

    Really, does he want me to blow my head off?  Because sure as I am standing here with a red nose and a pocket full of green riddled used Kleenex, he left those damn dishes for ME! It wasn’t too big of a deal until I was on my way to pick up Bella from school and realized on top of everything else…I have to NOW do those damn dishes.

    I texted him.Something to the effect,  “I am dying over here. Are you fucking kidding me!!!!Thanks a LOT!!!”

    His response….”I shouldn’t have taken that nap you FORCED me to take” ( yeah, he was sick so I was being nice but it wasn’t like I put a gun to his head and FORCED him into bed).

    Next, as if he wanted me to murder him, he said: “Leave them until next weekend. I’ll do them then!”

    Really, seriously, as if I am going to leave dirty nasty dishes in the sink until the weekend. I’m NOT and I’m pretty sure he knows that.

    But I am really sick and don’t feel like doing the dishes. In fact, it’s probably the last thing that I want to do right now. I may, however, throw them all in the garbage.

    Anybody else have these kinds of days? Just me then? So, to recap, thanks honey for the literal kiss of death you shared with me and the dirty dishes that you left me, as well. Anything else that you want to give me? Maybe a hefty case of gonorrhea? lice? The Bubonic plague? Dysentery? 5 loads of laundry? Throw up in the bathrooms? See you this weekend, the dishes may or may not be waiting too.I guess it depends whether or not they sprout legs and walk away on their own.

  • Nine Glorious Days

    It’s been a glorious nine days but, as all good things, the Big Guy had to return to our regularly scheduled life; him living some place else, me left behind to tend to our life here. When he is gone, all week long,  I have become accustomed to it. Neither of us like it, but both of us accept it. It is our status quo.But nine fabulous days ago, on a Friday in November, the Big Guy came home and surprised me with the news that he would be lingering at home with us for nine glorious days. This was certainly good great news.

    You don’t feel the full effect of how much you actually miss someone, until you allow yourself to admit it to …yourself. That’s what I did. That’s where I’ve been, soaking in every single, last moment that we were gifted with together these last few days. Seeing my girls happy and smiling in the security of knowing that when they awoke the following day, Daddy would be there to hug and kiss them, to drive Bella to school, to hold Gabi’s hand as they walked back to the car, to look across the table at lunch time and see his robust smile and hear his hearty laugh at the most inappropriate times. That is the good stuff. Those are the moments that we all take for granted. To have my husband there to help put the girls to bed, to cuddle and spoon with on the couch while watching really bad television, to linger in one another’s arms in the morning as the girls happily scurried from room to room singing some made up song to wake us up on a Saturday morning.To be able to cook together, to enjoy one another’s company, to watch him sit with our girls in the dark media room and hold them close as they watch Christmas movies together, to see all three of them bask in the happiness that only daddy/daughter time together can bring.To know that tomorrow would come and he would be able to remain. To be peaceful without the impending doom of departure looming over head is a luxury that we took granted for so long but not now. Now, every single moment together is a gift.

    The nine days were amazing for us, to most, they would be considered ordinary. For our family, they were extraordinary. We have not had nine consecutive days together in the same residence since this past February. It has been hard, on all of us. I never realized that just his physical presence makes such a difference to all of us.It brings us comfort, security, and love.He is our touchstone. He is my rock. He is their Daddy, which is the most important person in a little girl’s life.

    I never considered before that a husband who works long hours and is only seen for a few minutes in the morning as he kisses you goodbye or a couple hours at night before you go to sleep could have such an impact. In the past, I may have felt like I was doing everything and perhaps sometimes he could have helped me out a little more but at the end of the day, he was there. If I needed someone to run an errand, or I was sick and needed to linger in bed for a few extra minutes, or one of the kids needed wiping, or I needed someone to pick up dinner, take out the trash, listen at the end of the day, a warm body to cuddle up to and recharge from an energy zapping day…he was always there. Before, I may have felt like I did everything but now I actually am, and there is a BIG difference.

    Tonight, our nine day dream had to end and, as I sit here typing, we are back to the cold reality that Friday can’t come fast enough. The girls were teary eyed and slightly irrational, as were he and I.We had become so drunk on all the time together that the hangover will surely feel like the end of the world, at least for the next couple of days. If you are lucky enough to have the ones you love with you,  give them an extra cuddle and kiss, you never know when that may not be the case. What is the hardest part for you when your Big Guy travels?How do your children react? How do you handle the anxiety that separation brings?

  • The Ornament

    This Christmas morning was a little different than our previous Christmases have been. The entire year has been a little “different”, since the Big Guy has been working away from home. It’s been a difficult transition to go from having a very hands on partner/father to one who is no longer here on a daily basis. Due to all this upheaval and unpredictability of the past few months, I felt like the holidays crept up on me and knocked me over the head with a boulder. Nothing has felt right with the Big Guy gone. This situation has caused finances to be off because of maintaining separate residences, I didn’t have the time I normally would have had to go shopping and what not because I had no one here to watch the girls, the ebb and flow of our very existence has been out of whack this past year. So, it was no surprise that this Christmas morning, things felt peculiar.

    I woke up and I knew I wasn’t going to be opening any gifts,that was no big deal, I had accepted that fact. Normally, I have an abundance of gifts to open. But that’s OK. Don’t feel sorry for me. The Big Guy bought me a really spectacular diamond band that I’ve been wanting ( last month) and my Mom bought me my BlogHer ticket, so believe me I didn’t need anything to open. And, to be completely honest,  having the Big Guy home for 2 weeks consecutively is the most precious gift  that I could ever have asked for or wanted.If you could see the excitement in the girls eyes knowing that when they wake up in the morning, their Daddy would be there.You’d know, I want for nothing. If you could know the peace it brings my heart to have the Big Guy within arms reach, you would realize that the gift of his presence was priceless to all of us.

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    After the girls opened all of their gifts, and the Big Guy had opened the gifts that the girls had picked out for him, there was 1 little gift that we had all forgotten about. That is all of us,with the exception of Bella, had forgotten about. Bella makes a leap under the tree and says in her most sheepish little big girl voice,”Mommy, you forgot about YOUR gift!” I was stumped because I knew, for a fact, the Big Guy was told not to buy me anything (living apart strains the finances). Bella produced the sweetest, plain white bakery bag with a homemade card on it. I had forgotten about the “gift” she had made for me on the last day of school before the break. The gift that had been sitting under the tree for a week and I had been given strict orders could not be opened until Christmas morning. Bella:”Open it,Mommy”as she placed it into my hands. I followed her instructions, as I opened that simple white bakery bag and inside was the most beautiful ( to me) handmade ornament that I have ever laid my gaze upon. At that moment, sitting in front of the Christmas tree with my girls and the Big Guy next to me, I realized that I had the most amazing gift in the world..I had a all the love my heart could hold and then I cried. I wept for the happiness of being blessed with so much love and I wept with sadness knowing that we’ve lost almost an entire year together.After all was said and done, that sweet little angel ornament in the plain white bakery bag is the most meaningful gift I have ever received. Thank you Bella and Gabi for coming into my world and putting things into perspective!!Mommy loves you!

    What’s the most meaningful gift that you’ve received?

  • I got kicked til I Cried

    Seems my holiday spirit has not yet caught up with my Mommy Holiday need to be in the spirit. My brain knows that I want to want to enjoy the holidays, but for some reason..my heart’s just not in it.

    First, I blamed it on  being to busy to enjoy the season with all the rehearsal’s and the productions and just the hectic craziness that is the holidays. Then last Thursday,when I thought I was in the home stretch..wouldn’t you know that something else came up.

    Thursday, I picked my 5 year old up from school, a seeming innocuous event.As we are driving home and I start my routine of inquiring about her day, I am informed that her teacher , who previously made her the star of the classroom version of “What not to wear” and I’ve spoken to about her inappropriate behavior, has stricken once again.

    Bella begins to recount a conversation that she had with her teacher. It went a little something like this; said teacher was speaking to Bella’s friend who had been on vacation and had gotten sick.The teacher was telling the student that she has missed a lot of school.Bella was standing within earshot, and so the teacher decided to tell Bella ( in front of the other children) “You’ve missed a lot of school too, Bella!” To which my 5 year old said, “I had the Nutcracker last week.” Now let me explain this, Bella missed Monday and Tuesday of last week due to incliment weather and impassable roads but Friday, she had an excused absence for her performance in the Nutcracker. The very same Nutcracker that she had been waiting to be a part of for 3 years, the same one she auditioned for in September, and the very same one that she has been rehearsing for 3 days a week for 4 months (Did I mention she is only 5?) This was a lot of work, followed by a week long of 2.5 hour long dress rehearsals EVERY night ( my girls were kept up for rehearsal, 2 hours past when they should have already been asleep.It was a big sacrifice and acheivement on the part of Bella).This teacher told Bella (in front of other kids..to her face, not in her own little brain..where the thought should have remained) “Well, the Nutcracker is NOT important..kindergarten is!”

    My reaction was to become livid because 1) She has no business speaking to her about personal matters in front of other children 2) The Nutcracker was/is important to Bella who worked her little derriere off to be a part of it. What gives this broad the right to discount my child’s achievements? Newsflash; Hey bitch,if I refuse to give my kids an inferiority complex..you sure as hell are not allowed to do so!Main problem being, this is not the first time that she has exhibited this sort of behavior.I have asked her NOT to do this before, to contact me directly.Each time I contacted her, I took a deep breath and I was very diplomatic. I was getting my Master’s in Elementary Education when I was pregnant with Bella and I’ve been working in education now for 10 years, so I do know the ins and outs of the system. I know this woman needs to retire. This time I included the principal on the email.The principal said she would handle it, next morning first thing I received an email that the teacher would only send notes and communication through myself directly. Hopefully this matter is resolved. So, that started the break off with a bad taste in my mouth.

    Then there was an incident where a family member took it upon himself to mock my blog and mimmick every food choice that I made while visiting.I am on Nutrisystem and I ate my Nutrisystem while there, but there were times where we were out starving and picked something up at a restaurant. I made my choices with the plan in mind. But all the while, I had this family member, mocking me. Cracking wise on my weight.( who the hell thinks its OK to comment on a woman’s weight?) I bit my tongue,so I wasn’t teaching my girls to be disrespectful towards their elders. And yes, he does know I’m on Nutrisystem.The straw that broke the camels back was when he decided to rant over what I was eating at a public restaurant,loudly enough to call the attention of the other patrons ( I was mortified) and then when we left. My husband was fastening the girls into their car seats. I was waiting to sit next  to them ( I was freezing),but his arm was in the way so I couldn’t get all the way in.The family member said, maybe if you hadn’t eaten so much, you’d fit! WTF?? I was flabbergasted. Yeah, and that was the third day of this type of behavior.Until, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had been biting my tongue and then I woke up the next morning and had hit my threshold. I had to leave. I can only be gracious for so long. So, that’s been the start to the holiday break! Seems everybody;s trying to kick this girl til she cries!

    But I won’t let them restrict the size of my heart!This heart will grow three times its original size!Damn the finances! Damn the separation!Damn expectation!Damn ignorant people with big boisterous voices! This is MY Blog…if you don’t like it or you don’t want to hear/care about what I have to say..Don’t read it! Whatever you do, don’t try to throw my own words in my face. I know what I have said.I am aware that words have effect on people and if used improperly can cut, like knives. I know that first hand.That’s why I don’t do that but lucky for me others do not subscribe to the rules of couth.

    So, I am home and I am off to cuddle my girls and love the holiday light right out of them.We have 2 glorious weeks and the Big Guy will be joining us tonight or tomorrow, either way, we’ll scoot in and make room.I just want to encapsulate the moment of togetherness because it will be fleeting but I promise; we will know it was here.What will you be doing to keep your spirits up and truly enjoy the important things…the family, the people, not just the things.Don’t get caught up in the momentum, get wrapped up in the love.How will you do that this year for your family?

    One more piece of happiness, yesterday (when I started this post) was the birthday of one of my favorite people in the world!Nik,love you like a sister and I am so glad that we met and became fast friends. It is so rare to find this kind of friendship as an adult. I truly do hope you were spoiled rotten yesterday and appreciated for all that you do for EVERYONE!Running around the world saving all the sickies one gurney at a time!You are an inspiration.Happy Birthday,love ya!

  • Elf on A Shelf run Amuck

    elf, elf on a shelf, christmas, holidays

    Elf on a Shelf Run Amuck~ Last year, we  I decided that I wanted to start the whole Elf on the Shelf tradition with my girls.Of course, once I saw what the Elf on the Shelf actually looked like, there was no way I was bringing that thing into my house.It would have scared the Christmas spirit right out of my girls. Thoughts of them sleeping with me nightly until they were 15 danced in my head and I nixed the Elf ( jokes on me because they are currently co-sleepers!) I wasn’t ready to abandon the entire idea, just that particular elf. You know me, I went on a quest until a could locate 2 more aesthetically pleasing elves. I acknowledge that I am so conforming to society’s idea of beauty. Shame on me.The girls were 2 and 4 and, let’s be honest, I needed a new bargaining chip.The fat guy threats just weren’t cutting it anymore. I needed something more tangible, not a threat of 1 day of the entire year. My girls are fairly certain that Santa is like God in the respect that he forgives..everything. But elves, well, those little bastards can be as vicious as Mommy wants them to be. Those little dudes are Santa’s henchmen; they bust kneecaps and bite ankles. And so began the tradition..in our home.

    Anyone who knows the Big Guy and I know that, in most respects, we don’t half-ass anything when it comes to our girls, with the exception of when we are dropping the ball completely. Sky’s the limit, to infinity and beyond and all that bullshit. So, our elves ( yes, there are 2, one for each girl…its hard work wrangling babies) are sent via Air mail from the North Pole. You doubt me? Hey, there is postage paid and everything..even teeny tiny holes in the box so those minuscule Northern mafioso enforcers can breathe. Our elf on a shelf #1 and elf on a shelf #2 arrive with a letter from Santa explaining all ( yes, by now you should all be fully aware that we take everything just one step too far).

    elf, elf on a shelf, christmas, holidays

    Elf on A Shelf #1 has arrived

    This year, Analee ( that’s the name since “someone’ forgot to remove the tag from the elf) arrived magically,a s if out of thin air.One day he was not here and the next, there he sat high in the Christmas tree, watching,waiting to be discovered.Keeping watch over my girls as they shouted and fought.And then it happened, Gabs made her way to touch her Clara ornament(you know the special one that she is forbidden to touch) and as her eyes rose from the ornament there perched 3/4s of the way up the tree, Analee.Gab’s let out a yelp. Then said nothing. She slyly made her way to her sister, who screamed and immediately ran to greet our old friend.She was all flushed and hyperventilating trying to get the words out of her mouth, the proclamation that “Analee” was back. Santa had sent him to watch over them. I feigned surprise and said hello. Then it was bedtime. A few days later, after many hours of Bella standing in front of the Christmas tree explaining away every transgression that she had levied against her sister (literally, I found her no less than 15 times talking to the elf on a shelf…explaining that Gabs made her do it and to tell Santa..it was Gabs, I tell you.All Gabs!) a package arrived in the mail.

    Elf on a Shelf #2 reporting for Recon duty

    The girls saw the brightly decorated box and knew instantly what the package contained. They gently placed it on the floor, in front of the fireplace ( there is a great amount of reverence given to the elves) and peeled the packaging back. Inside, they found a letter from Santa and the jolly smile of “Ed”, sent back by Santa to report for another year of duty in our household. The girls gasped. They love the elves but they are afraid to touch them, not even with a ten foot pole. Well, Bella is anyways.Gabs actually midget tossed poor Ed out of her room on his ear today when she was having a particularly hard time fighting a nap.Poor Ed!But that’s an entirely different post. I was asked to place Ed somewhere, because, silly you, elves don’t run around in front of humans during day light hours.Bella has a theory that she shared with me the other day.It goes a little something like this: Bella” Mommy, how do the elves tell Santa what we’re doing?” Me:”Well, Bella, the elves are magical so they just pop back over to Santa and give him a daily report.” She looks slightly perturbed and confused.Bella:’Mommy, why don’t they just call him?” Me:”Well, Bella they can magically just pop back to Santa, why waste the minutes?”(I’m slightly exasperated.This lie has gotten too big,You know I can’t lie!)Bella: “Mommy?” Me;”Yes?”Bella: “Mommy,  I think Santa has secret cameras in the house and can see everything we do!”I’m speechless.After all, she is only 5 years old.First, she has rationalized the Tooth Fairy and now elves with spy cams? Me:”No,Bella.they.pop.back. to .Santa.every.night!”

    elf, elf on a shelf, christmas, holidays
    This  letter from Santa makes me cry, a little bit.It choked me up reading it to the girls.

    Every night, I move the elves to different positions and to different random spots in throughout the house; the bathroom ( taking a poop, surprise Ed’swatching), eating breakfast (Surprise Analee is in the chair next to you),putting your clothes in the hamper (Be careful you’ll squish Ed), reaching for the milk ( oooh, poor Ed is chilly in the fridge..no sneaking candy!)turn on the fireplace (oh no,be careful Analee is getting hot under the collar).You get the point?

     

    elf, elf on a shelf, christmas, holidays

    And so starts another year of the mischievousness that is the elf visitors.Elf on a shelf my ass, those little suckers are running all over my house. It scares my girls that our little visitors wield so much power in their tiny hands.They are roaming free, recording every single scream, yell, hair pull, piss my sister off moment/ talk back to my Mommy, fighting my bedtime, not going to eat my asparagus moment that goes down in our house..and apparently, so are Santa’s spy cams!So, remember you better watch out, you better not pout,you better not cry, I’m telling you why..Santa’s sending his henchmen to rat on you!Happy Christmas and beware the elf on a shelf!

    elf, elf on a shelf, christmas, holidays

    Elf on a shelf saves the Day

  • The End of an era

    The End of an era

    Bella just lost her 2nd tooth over the holiday break, December 28th to be exact ( 2 months to the day that she lost the first one)  and now ( *gasp) Gabs has started saying “I”. Yes, my sweet , sweet baby who ALWAYS says, “MOMMY , ME…..” just this second ( inspiring this post ) said , ” Mommy, I’m a good girl.” And she said it while holding the dust pan as I swept, no less. This kid is  freaking breaking my heart with all her amazing, freakish sweetness and ginormous brains:)

    New Year and looks like the littles have made some resolutions of their own.

    Bella has decided that this is the year she is going to start using the word “glockenspiel” in everyday conversation. As of noon yesterday, she had already used it 347 times.  She is loosing teeth like its the end of the world.Hold on, didn’t 5000 birds just fall out the sky this week, for no apparent reason? Maybe her teeth are just one more sign of the times.Mind your P’s and Q’s people, maybe end of days are just around the corner.Nah, she’s only lost the bottom three..when the molars start spontaneously jumping out of her mouth…then, my friends, be worried.But still, the tooth fairy has not been allowed to visited us. By the time she decides to relinquish those teeth, the tooth fairy’s going to have to take out a small equity loan. Actually, a sure sign the world is ending will be the day my littles no longer want chicken nuggets for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Bella has also apparently resolved that she is going to argue EVERY single point I have, request I make, and food I offer.This does not bode well, as I am resolving to have my own resolution to prioritize and be present. Lucky for her, I’ve resolved to love hard and love often. Lucky for me, I have also resolved to let forgiveness rule my world.She doesn’t listen, I forgive her. Deep breath. So, she can argue at every turn and I will still be there to wrap my arms around her crazy little self and love on her.If its too much on occasion, I can walk to another room, take a breath and not feel guilty that I’m not feeling particularly sunshine and unicorns about her behavior that day. Forgiveness for me! Serenity now!It’s a good thing and I think it will serve us well in our household.

    Gabs, aside from resolving to talk like a grown up and break my heart, has resolved that since she does everything her sister does, she too is going to argue every point, request and food that I dare to offer.She has even upped the ante by throwing in bedtime, bath time,and playtime. I’m a lucky, lucky lady. Just when I thought my heart was going to burst from the pain of them growing up too fast, they go and do something amazing like make me want free time by being argumentative.In direct contradiction,Gabs has decided that while whipping me into a breathless tizzy ( from all the deep breaths, obviously) she will toy with me. She has decided that the best remedy for a Mommy who’s head is about to explode from aggravation is to constantly chide her with “I LOVE YOU, MOMMY” well, up until today “ME LOVE  YOU, MOMMY!” Then, just when I think I can’t take one second more, she will lean in and squeeze me around my thighs like I am a puppy from the pet store that she is trying to convince us to buy ( because the dog we have is so not the “in” thing anymore.) Just like that, I melt into a pool of putty in her tiny little hands.

    I’m not sure what  this year will bring, but I do know that the girls and I will be growing together;bending and reaching to meet one another in the middle. Hopefully, soon, we will get to join the Big Guy. Because though I did not mention this in my New Year post, my number 1 resolution is to get the Big Guy, our girls and myself back in the same zip code. It feels like the shades are only half open on our lives with the Big Guy not here with us. For now, I’ll keep on inciting my revolution to be the best me, the girls will keep testing my resolve to keep to those resolutions and we’ll try not to drive one another completely crazy while waiting for more angry birds to fall from the sky. I still think they were only trying to get those damn piggies, but that’s just me!

    *Update, last night after  I wrote this post, Bella lost her 3rd tooth (Jan 4, 2010). Come to think of it, this kid is loosing teeth at an alarming rate! Beware the apocalypse.

  • The Mommy Club;Imperfect parents need not apply

    The Mommy Club;Imperfect parents need not apply

    There is a club, it is a large club with a very rigid initiation process.One obvious and arduous requirement; you must conceive, grow and birth a baby. At first glance, you would think this group would be a little more selective in its member selection process, or at the very least a bit more exclusive but alas, one more of the great mysteries of the universe. Of course, it sounds much simpler to join this group than it actually is. If you read the fine print a bit more carefully, you will see that the conception, growth and deliverance of the aforementioned baby only gets you considered for membership in “the club”.

    This photo courtesy of Google Image

    The “club” of which I am referring to is one that I’ve always felt my invitation to got lost in the mail. It’s the species of Mommies who parent with ease and confidence.They are baby wearing, organic food making, breastfeeding until their children are 5, unwavering patience,non mom brain having, beautifully/impeccably coiffed, healthy, date night having, adorable dressing, PTA loving, scheduled/organized perfection. You know the ones who buy all the educational toys and actually have the time and patience to explain it to their 3 year old 50 times in one day. The ones who always pack a nutritious picnic for the park and also manage to squeeze in a valuable lesson..on a spontaneous trip to the park.I know they don’t do it on purpose ( or maybe they do) but these mommies,with their graceful ease of breezing through Mommying, make me feel like the ugly girl at prom who had no date and, to add insult to injury, had to wear an ugly dress.

    This photo courtesy of google Image

    I see them everywhere;in the drop off lines patiently waving goodbye, at the grocery store shopping with children in silence, at church not bribing their kids with Barbies and firetrucks to stay quiet, at the park running with their jogging strollers,working out in their yoga pants, at restaurants eating..at the same time as their family ( warm food). It makes me think, am I the only one who missed the parenting class they must be giving out with each baby you birth?I’m assuming upon graduation of that course is where the invitations are being handed out. I missed it.I think it had something to do with the shock I was experiencing as I left the hospital. I couldn’t believe they were actually relinquishing this baby into our care. Both times.I was shocked.Who the hell would give us a baby? We had no real experience. Damn it.I missed all of it.Does this mean I am doomed to this outsider perspective forever? Because, I’m not embarrassed to say ( shhh, come closer) I want in! I’m serious.I’ll do whatever it takes.Who’s bitch do I need to be? Bring it on. No hazing you could inflict could be more torturous than this being on the outside alone. I can’t take it anymore. Someone let me in.This Mommy needs some like minded war buddies.

    But the more I think about it, who are these perfect Mommies? Are they really perfect or are they just working harder at concealing their imperfections? I love big and I love hard on my littles.I’m sure I could do better at the mommying on some days but on other days,I’m pretty freaking good at it. I wish there really was such a thing as a perfect parent or an easy button for parenting but it just doesn’t exist. Just like the unicorn and the liger,perfect Mommy club is exclusive because it doesn’t exist or it went extinct back int he 50′s.I just wish there was a memo sent to all the mommies of the world that read: Be ye not afraid of who you are, love your littles, stomp in the puddles, dance like no one is watching, sing like the whole world is deaf, love your Big Guy, have fun, be happy..the end. P.S. The dishes and laundry will wait and nobody’s perfect but …go brush your hair and teeth before leaving your dirty house:) Big Hugs, Reality

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