The TRUTH About Motherhood

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ABC’s How to Get Away With Murder finds Miscarriage Funny
Do you think miscarriage is funny? Do you joke about it? Do you make flip remarks about women who lose babies or the act of losing a pregnancy? If not, then maybe I wasn’t the only one whose jaw hit the floor when I heard this sentence on prime time television earlier tonight.
“Makes me grateful for the miscarriages.”
Those were the words said matter of factly by Viola Davis tonight during an episode of ABC’s How to get away with Murder. These words were tossed around in passing, facetiously even, and it made my stomach turn. Until tonight, I liked the show. I looked forward to it every week.
Maybe it’s because it’s November or because I read this post today by parents who are still suffering from the stillbirth of their baby girl Ruby, or maybe it’s just because it was one of the most insensitive things I’ve ever heard uttered on primetime television but I feel like I could vomit. I cringed as the words were being said. As someone who has actually ~~suffered~~ survived (barely) a miscarriage, I can assure you that I have never been grateful for the one. I mourn that loss every day. When it happened, I wanted to die too. I would never joke about miscarriage, no more than I would joke about someone’s mom dying or having cancer. There are some things that just aren’t funny in any context.
Obviously, these are not Viola Davis’ own words. There are writers who write scripts. I would venture to guess that the writer is not a woman. I don’t think a woman would ever think to write such an insensitive thing. Honestly, I don’t know how the hell that line made it into the script at all when a woman, Shonda Rhimes, creating it and the star of the show being a female. With a little investigating, my hunch was confirmed, the episode was written by a man. It was in such poor taste that I am truly offended, I am shocked and repulsed and that is saying something because not much shocks or offends me.
Any woman who has ever suffered a miscarriage, could assure you that no woman would ever consider herself “grateful for the miscarriages” much less say those cringe worthy words out loud. Maybe I’m a little more sensitive to this because I’ve been through it. It’s personal for me. It’s more than just a line to be read. Words have weight and that sentence is crushing. The words came unexpectedly and blind-sighted me. I was not expecting to be reminded of one of the worst days of my life in such a flippant way.
I’m still flabbergasted, an hour later, still picking my jaw up off the ground; that’s why I’m writing this post. I am so disappointed. I feel like I was hit over the head. I was watching the show, like I do every Thursday and there out of nowhere, I get over the head with that terrible, no good, very bad sentence. People, your fans are watching and words hurt. No one wants to be enjoying their weekly drama only to be triggered and/or reminded of one of the most hurtful experiences a parent can go through. Loss and miscarriage is not something that should be taken lightly. It may have just be a line in a script to you but to me, and many like me, it was a blatant disregard for the trauma and tragedy we experienced. It may have meant nothing to you to say it, but it meant everything to us to hear it because when you lose a pregnancy, it feels like you’ve lost everything in that moment.
What do you think of using the word “miscarriage” to express gratitude for dodging the bullet of motherhood?
2014/11/07
Dear Unsubscriber
Dear Unsubscriber,
Hey, You, yeah you! The one who is wondering if she should waste a comment or just go. Yes, I know that you delicately tried to slip away out the back door without anyone noticing but damned if feedproxy wasn’t standing there, right behind you, yelling and pointing…“Hey, look she’s leaving! You suck!”
And just like that our blogger/reader love affair was over. I know that I don’t always say the right thing and sometimes I’m overtired and cranky and maybe I don’t even make sense but I thought you got me. I really thought you understood that not all of them are gold. I thought I was safe. This was a judge free zone. Some posts are flops but I didn’t know our relationship was so fickle that you would leave me over one bad day. One crap post. I’m sorry my dog died and my period came and the snow has been really bad. Sometimes a bloggers got to complain. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. But hey, I’ll do better next time. I’ll write a funny post about how to survive shark week without losing a limb or explaining your period to kids in a public bathroom at Panda Express.
You knew what you were getting into when we started this relationship. I told you from the beginning that it wasn’t always going to be sunshine and unicorns. I tell it like it is. I’m a real person and sometimes really bad and boring shit happens in my life. I thought our love was unconditional. I listen to your side in the comments. I don’t plug my ears and ignore you. I don’t delete what you have to say. You read and comment, I write and respond. We share. It’s symbiotic.Well, it used to be. We got to know one another. This isn’t match.com. You can’t just order up your flavor of the month and put me into a box. I have thoughts and opinions.
I never took you for the one giveaway type. I’ve never considered myself easy. Did you just pretend to like me to get into my “giveaways”? Say it isn’t so. Please tell me you didn’t subscribe to me JUST for the goodies that I could give you only to toss me aside once you’d had your way with me. I feel so used. Like a bloggy whore. I thought we meant more to one another than that.
Come back.Don’t leave. I won’t always be stressed and bloated and have cabin fever and my kids won’t always drive me up a wall. Things will get better. I won’t do it again. Let’s not take a break and if you are going to “unsubscribe” from this relationship, why not tell me why? Give a girl some closure. Think of it as an exit interview. Just drop me a note so I can grow and learn from it before I get my bloggy heart broken again.
I mean we shared at least one post that meant something to both of us, even if it was just a laugh while you were in the pick up line or an unsuspecting cry in the middle of the night when you couldn’t sleep? Or what about the time I made you shoot diet coke, wine or coffee out your nose? Let’s not even bring up the time you were reading about my labor while sitting on the toilet. I’ve shared my most personal stories with you. We’ve been intimate.
I wish you nothing but sunshine and unicorns unsubscriber. Just know that every time feedproxy sends me an unsubscribe notice, a blogger dies.
XOXO
P.S. If you would like to donate a subscription to the keep a blogger alive foundation subscribe here
2014/01/17
My Honeymoon & Wedding Day Mishaps Made Marriage Seem Easy

Happiness is….
Remember your honeymoon?
My wedding and honeymoon were 15 years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. I’ve been helping my baby sister plan her wedding and I won’t lie it’s been taking me back to my own wedding and honeymoon. Weddings and honeymoons are all about new beginnings and starting your life and for us, a new beginning couldn’t have happened without a series of unfortunate events preceding it. Into every life a little rain must fall, of course, for me it was more like a monsoon wedding. It’s funny how when you look back you only ever remember the good parts of your wedding day.
Our mishaps began the night before the wedding; it started with a rehearsal dinner that ended up at a local club, which ended with a giant blowout between a couple in our wedding. Long story short, I spent the entire night before my wedding driving my bridesmaid around the city looking for her husband, a groomsman.
I got home around 5 am. My alarm for the biggest day of my life went off at 8 am; I woke in a hurried rush, grabbed my baby sister and the luggage under my eyes and barely made it across town to my 8:30 a.m. hair and nail appointment. Then the day just got crazier; lost bridesmaids, missing flower girl, a dad who wouldn’t take off his sunglasses, exes at the church and a bride who hadn’t eaten in 3 days and was having a full on panic attack but through it all, one thing was for certain, I knew the Big Guy was waiting for me at the end of that aisle and I couldn’t wait to be there…with him.
Father wears sunglasses in church because he’s too cool to cry in public.
At one point at the rectory, when I should have been sipping on champagne and being fawned over, I instead was struggling to find my way into my huge Cinderella-esqe dress on my own and had a mom on each butt cheek fastening my garters to my thigh highs. Talk about getting close with your mother-in-law. That was a bond sealing moment to say the very least.
Finally, I made it down the aisle but not before my ring bearer had a complete meltdown and wouldn’t walk down the aisle. 3-year-olds, what are you going to do? At that point, I was so nervous that I jumped the gun and nearly ran down the aisle into the Big Guy’s arms before my music even started playing. Just an FYI, if you ever find yourself in that situation, the organist, flutist, violinist and musician will all change their tune (quite literally) to keep up with the bride. I am sure it was amusing as an attendee.
3-year-olds are the best!
Once down the aisle, not once but three times did I almost take out the priest and entire front row of the church with my enormous gown. Think, Godzilla with a 10-foot train, in a China shop made of delicate Catholic souls. Thankfully, the presiding priest had a very in tact sense of humor and offered at one point to shear off the back of the dress to prevent any harm being done to women and small children. Thankfully, no one was hurt in the making of this wedding or honeymoon.
The groom looks debonair. The bride looks like maybe she needs to go peepee.
Of course, a bride who hasn’t eaten in 3 days, had a near miss with a panic attack and ran down the aisle as if she were Cinderella about to turn back into a pumpkin probably should not have been given celebratory cocktails. From what I remember of the evening, there was a trolley ride for the entire bridal party that included alcohol on an empty stomach, then there was an arrival to Star Wars Music (it was my one compromise) and then a bouquet thrown before anyone had a chance to take a photo (waiting is not my strong suit) and the combining of champagne glasses. Let no man put asunder what a bride has combined into champagne flutes.
No sleep, no problem. Bride takes quick nap on way to reception.

I vaguely remember it taking 4 bridesmaids to assist me in the peeing process ( 2 to hold each side of my ball gown wedding dress, one to hold my hands and balance me as I hovered over the toilet and one to pull my panties down and dab) and something about a 10 foot train that kept coming unbustled. Boy, do I have some good friends. Then it gets blurry.
Wind blown, no food and keeping it classy with a can of beer. Ain’t love grand?
Next thing I remember was leaving our reception to find our SUV saran wrapped covered in condoms, rice and Vaseline. We were in our early 20’s and apparently our friends were infantile. We had to cut our way in and then make a quick stop at a car wash before heading to our honeymoon suite at the hotel downtown. I remember doing the peepee dance in my stark white wedding dress, in front of our SUV and it’s fuzzy but it seems there was some hanging on to the bumper and trying to balance myself enough to pee while my brand spanking new husband help up 50 pounds of satin and tulle. Champagne goes right through you.
Next stop, the fancy downtown hotel. By this time, I am barefoot and running around the hotel lobby in search of a restroom large enough to accommodate my dress looking and behaving anything but fancy. My bridegroom rushed to check in before I ended up on the evening news.
Bustle broken, bride busted; time to hit the potty! NOT 1987…1999 & we partied like it was. I was scaring small children with this monstrosity of a dress.
We got up to the honeymoon suite to find more champagne and a basket full of wedding night sexiness but all I could do was the peepee dance and order my husband to get me out of the dress as quickly as possible so that I could pee in peace. Finally, I got to pee and then I promptly passed out leaving my husband to drink champagne and feed himself chocolate covered strawberries.
The next morning, I awoke to discover my wedding dress and trousseau on the floor and my overnight bag and shoes curiously missing apparently in the hurry and chaos, no one remembered to pack MY (the bride) overnight bag. There was no way that I was putting that dress back on, so I wore my husband’s (who is 6’5″ while I am a mere 5’7″) tuxedo back to my in laws house where we were opening gifts in front of friends and family before departing on our official honeymoon. I looked like the kid in Big when he changed back to a kid. It was embarrassing and ridiculous but that night we had a honeymoon reboot and it’s been awesome ever since. The rest of the honeymoon and the marriage have been easy compared to the wedding.
I guess it could have been worse; I could have gotten a UTI on our honeymoon. Yikes, that would really put a damper on romance; not exactly the type of “burning love” that I was looking forward to on my honeymoon! We know that having a lot of sex in a short period of time without letting your body recoup can cause irritation, which in turn can make it easier for you to get a UTI. Also, certain positions such as woman on top cowboy or reverse cowboy can increase the risk of contracting a UTI. Isn’t lots of sex in various positions in a short period of time the exact definition of a honeymoon?
Luckily, there is Cystex PLUS Urinary Pain Relief Tablets, an OTC UTI medication with an antibacterial agent that helps to contain the progression of infection, as well as help reduce the pain and burning sensation with an analgesic while you wait to see your physician. For recurrent UTIs, Cystex Liquid Cranberry Complex is a great-tasting, drug-free, daily supplement that is clinically proven to promote urinary health with its convenient Proantinox cranberry formula containing vitamin C!
Enter the Cystex® Romantic Night In Giveaway hosted on www.facebook.com/Cystex for three winners to have a chance to win a gourmet dinner for two delivered to your door with a gift certificate from GourmetStation.com, a $150 gift card to Victoria Secret to create more honeymoon moments and a box of Cystex® PLUS Urinary Pain Relief Tablets and Cystex® Liquid Cranberry Complex. Entry period for the Cystex® Romantic Night In Giveaway will occur from 7/24/2014-8/21/2014.
For more information about Cystex® and to learn more about burning love visit www.cystex.com
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Cystex®. The opinions and text are all mine.
2014/08/11
Marlise Munoz, Medically Dead Mom, Used as Incubator for Abnormally Developing Fetus
Legally and medically dead pregnant woman, Marlise Munoz, is being kept alive against her obvious state of deadness and her family’s wishes in order to incubate a fetus that is so deformed that ultrasound can’t even determine whether it’s a girl or boy. Erick Munoz and is son have lost their wife and mother and all the family wants to do is give her a proper burial; to say goodbye but the hospital will not allow them to do so.
Tragically on November 26, 2013, a trained paramedic, Erick Munoz, came home and found his 14-week pregnant wife, Marlise Munoz, unconscious on the floor. She is brain dead from a suspected embolism. She has been like this since that day when her husband found her. The John Peter Smith Hospital in Fort Worth, Texas where she is being held is keeping her on life support despite the protests of her husband and family. She is essentially being used to incubate a fetus that is ‘distinctly abnormal’ after being deprived of oxygen for an unknown period of time before she was found.
Mr. Munoz and the hospital are locked in a court battle about whether to retain life support. Marlise, also a trained paramedic, was very specific with her husband that she did not want extreme measures to keep her alive in a case where she was brain dead. There is no quality of life left. The hospital has decided that Mrs. Munoz should be kept “alive” to give the baby a chance at life completely ignoring the wishes of her, her husband and common sense. The baby is essentially being incubated in a brain dead and deteriorating dead body. The result is that the fetus is not gestating normally.
“Even at this early stage, the lower extremities are deformed to the extent that the gender cannot be determined. The fetus suffers from hydrocephalus. It also appears that there are further abnormalities, including a possible heart problem that cannot be specifically determined due to the immobile nature of Mrs. Munoz’s deceased body. She is legally and medically dead.” However, officials at John Peter Smith Hospital refuse to publicly pronounce Marlise Munoz dead.
This is anguishing for Mr. Munoz, Marlise’s family and their son to go through, not to mention, it’s incredibly unfair to the baby they are keeping alive that is so severely messed up. No one wins in this situation; everybody loses. Last week, Munoz’s husband asked a court to force the hospital to take her off the respirator, ventilator and other machines, saying her wishes shouldn’t be disregarded just because she is pregnant. His goal is to have the hospital disconnect the machines so that her family can take her body and give her a proper burial.
Marlise Munoz and her family
The case has raised questions about end-of-life care and whether a pregnant woman who is considered legally and medically dead should be kept on life support for the sake of a fetus. This is no surprise to me, what they are doing to this woman. The world looks at women as things, possessions, they dehumanize us in their minds so that they can treat us as badly as they do. Women all over the world have their reproductive rights restricted and determined by men; the half of the population who have not actually ever experienced what it feels like to be a woman, to be pregnant and give birth.
If this story was about a woman who was found brain dead at 33 weeks and was kept “alive” to gestate a perfectly normal fetus until week 35. I could understand the hospital’s stance but in this case, the fetus was only 14-weeks at the time of the mother’s death. It was not viable. This situation is the stuff horror movies are made of. A husband has lost his wife, a child has lost his mother, a family has lost it’s daughter and now they are keeping her alive like Frankenstein to gestate a child who will probably not survive outside the womb and even if it does, will face severe obstacles in life. Putting the family in the position to lose another member, to relive another loss. The only humane thing to do is to let this woman and her fetus die together; to end their pain. Give the family some closure and let them move through their grief of such a monumental loss.
Do you think the hospital should keep Marlise Munoz alive or let her and her child die?
2014/01/23
Best Things about Turning 40
When I was turning 40, I had been warned ad naseum about how my body was going to give me a great big “FUCK YOU” and I took it with a grain of salt because, let’s face it, I am a stubborn broad and you can’t tell me anything and for the love of Pete, please don’t tell me that I CAN’T do something because chances are that I will do it…JUST TO PROVE YOU WRONG. Seriously, it is a disease with me.
Anyways, bossy, stubborn bitch aside that I can be, I really didn’t believe there was a magical age at which your body just shuts down and it’s all down hill. Plus, I refuse to believe that my middle age is 40. Fuck that noise, I am living to 105. So middle age can kiss my ass until I am around 53.
Sometimes, life sneak attacks you, ninja style and that is kind of what has been happening. There was no giant weight gain. Come on, I’ve been gaining weight steadily since the great exodus of eating disorders in 1997 and the introduction of mood stabilizers in 2000. It was a combo for body disaster. Then I got pregnant and started raising babies and my life, in its entirety, became a steady, uncontrollable run away train. It’s just how I was function.
Little to no sleep, everyone’s needs put before my own, eating terribly, exercising seldomly and losing all sense of fashion and self. I essentially got to the place of overloaded, overwhelmed and barely functioning but I thought it was okay because, in the end, I was functioning. I made concessions here and there and lowered my standards. Life essentially beat the crap out of me and left me for dead…in fucking yoga pants, a ponytail and about 75 pounds overweight.
Sure, I tried to bring back the feisty broad that I once was…several times. Clear! I was putting the paddle to the sad little broad’s life but nothing. Sure, there’d be a revelation here and there and I’d start working out or watching what I ate, coloring my hair and actually treating myself like a human and then something would break, funds would get tight and there I went to the wayside again. It’s embarrassing to let yourself go, especially when you used to be proud of who you were; what you were; what you looked like and your tenacity. You begin to feel like you had it all and you let it slip through your fingers and then you feel guilty because look at what you have instead…your children. Sure, you look like a homeless fatty but damn it, you are a good mother. But are you? Really?
How great of a mom can I be if I look defeated at 41? What kind of example am I? Then on top of all of that, I noticed my hair falling out by the handfuls every time I showered (Stress is a cruel bitch), crows feet just waiting to delve even deeper, my skin is a desolate dessert, my hair is not only starting it’s own gray hair club the rest of my hair is taking on a texture that can only be described as witchy; it looks like the curls and the straight parts got into a fight and no one won. Plus, my eyelids and my boobs are a little lower and my skin looks decidedly less smooth. Plus, there is the overweight issue. The issue being that I yo-yo between starving, dieting and eating whatever the hell I want. ALL these are bad for me, especially since apparently, metabolism has taken an early retirement.
So I am doing research. I will not go gently into that good night of middle age. I want to look like I grew old gracefully but there is nothing graceful about the knock-down, drag out fight that mother nature and I are about to have.
Here are some tips that make turning 40 awesome:
Vaseline is a miracle cure for dry feet. I am not joking. Take a shower, wash your feet, get out, pat those feet well and slather them with Petroleum Jelly an then put on plain white cotton socks. Within 2 days I turned my pterodactyl talons into smooth baby feet. But you have to keep it up or the crypt keeper feet will come back.
Wen is a awesome. Yep, I saw all the infomercials but didn’t believe it. I wasn’t sure that I would feel clean without lather but let me tell you my crazy hair is getting prettier and prettier every day and more importantly I am only losing 5-10 hairs per shower versus the handfuls I was losing. Now, Wen won’t do shit for your grays so you’ll have to get a good stylist and colorist. Go on, do it. You are worth it. Make time and take care of those grays.
Moisturize like your face depends on it because it does. Sure, you need to keep your entire body moisturized because if not you’ll eventually get all ashy and itchy and that’s not cute but if you don’t moisturize your face, you will get wrinkles and look like the damn crypt keeper by the time you are 60. If that doesn’t scare you straight, I don’t know what will. Crow’s feet and laugh lines may be natural and some even tolerable but an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of botox.
Get up and move. I don’t care what you do as long as you are moving. I sit on my ass all day working and my ass looks like it. It’s not being 40 that made metabolism take early retirement; it’s sitting on my ass doing nothing physical. My metabolism gave up on me. The good news is that going from sitting on your ass to any movement at all is going to be an improvement.
Get your sleep. You know people say, “I can sleep when I am dead. YOLO!” Well, as a grown woman who has terrible insomnia and a predilection for mania, I can tell you that sleep is way more valuable to your happiness than your YOLO attitude. Not saying not to live outloud but you can be a lot more lively and vivacious if you get at least 7 hours of sleep, plus you will feel better and people will like to be around you. YOLO is for 21 year olds who haven’t lived life yet. They are too stupid to know what they are saying is complete bullshit. Now, go take a fucking nap.
Wiggle it just a little bit…or a lot. Have sex with your husband, as much as you like. Look, I hear that menopause brings with it some vaginal dryness so girl, you better go get your groove on before you have to buy stock in KY lubricants just to do the deed. Besides, I don’t know about you but if I go more than a week without sex, I get grouchy. Seriously, like I want to punch people in the face grouchy. Have fun. It’s not so serious. This man loves you. Sex and giggling go together perfectly, as long as you’re not doing it anywhere near his penis. That’s grounds for divorce.
All things in moderation. Eat healthy and be happy. Look, I have been slowly but surely eating myself into not just obesity but unhealthiness. I have fallen into the terrible habit of eating processed shit and sugar and not near enough fruits and veggies. That’s all changing. I feel miserable and look terrible by my own standards. So, I am stepping out of my comfort zone and I am going to try to supplement my daily food intake with some juicing. Thanks Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead for scaring the shit out of me. Anyways, I’ll keep you posted on how all this goes. Just remember, turning 40 is not turning dead. You’ve got this. You are fucking awesome. Now, go show those damn 30 year olds what a real woman looks like:) Never you mind her pregnancy glow.
Shit, is this my midlife crisis? When do I get my sports car and start flirting with 25 year olds? Who am I kidding? A 25-year-old has nothing on the Big Guy.
What’s your best advice to anyone turning 40?
2014/03/13
The Craziest Things I Ever Did to Get My Kids To Brush their Teeth
This paid post is brought to you by the new free Oral-B Disney Timer App as part of a Type-A Parent Community Sponsored Post.
I, myself, am a self-proclaimed tooth brushing fanatic. I am obsessed with clean, straight and perfectly kept teeth. I picked up this habit as a teenager while I wore braces. Sure, my mom always warned us of cavities and horror stories of teeth falling out but not even the four cavities that I had filled at age 10 made me a believer. Fast-forward 3 years, imagine a young me sitting at the orthodontist office getting braces put on. I was terrified, it was 1985 and I just knew my brothers and sisters were not going to be wanting for torturous nicknames like Trap Jaw and Tin Grin but what I didn’t expect was the speech from my orthodontist.
“Debi, if you do not brush your teeth three times a day and floss and you continue to drink pop or any dark colored liquids, when I take these things off in a year or two, your teeth could be discolored or worse…rotten!”
Now, maybe that was the standard scare a kid straight speech given in the 80’s and maybe he was full of caca but what I heard was, “Girl, when I take these things off, if you haven’t been brushing like your life depended on it…the only thing holding those not so pearly whites in your mouth will be the wires and brackets I am torturing you with right now!”
You know, sort of like that time when I was seven and had to get tubes put in my ears. I heard, “We will need to chop your ears off!” Crazy imagination gets the better of me a lot of the time. Anyways, the speech about the teeth stuck and I have been a brushaholic ever since and I have the recession to prove it.
**Tip for parents, if you’re going to scare the kiddies straight with tales of rotten teeth, buy them an electric toothbrush unless you want them to brush away all of their gums.
Anyways, I have “tried” to pass the urgency of teeth brushing down to my daughters. Apparently, it is not genetic because they are not one bit afraid of losing teeth. It may have something to do with the fact that my 6 –year-old is currently losing all of her baby teeth at an alarming rate. So, I have tried using an egg timer, a sand timer, sang happy birthday the required amount of times and we’ve even tried swishing our mouths with red dye to show them the residue that was left behind (that used to scare me to death in elementary school). Nope, none of it has worked. I even pulled out the magnifying glass to show them up close what they had missed in their brushing efforts. They laughed and went on about their business. Basically, short of their teeth actually falling out and rotting, they have no interest in brushing for two minutes. If you’re having the same problem with your kids, you may ask your family dentist to explain to them the importance of regular brushing of teeth.
I even have a 9-year-old with invisalign braces who I have shared the horrific tale of teeth held in place only by braces and still she poopooed me. So, when I learned of the Disney Magic Timer app I was ready to try anything and let’s be honest, my kids are crazy for the Mouse and all the princesses. I still can’t get them to stop singing Let it Go and I won’t even embarrass myself and tell you how many times we’ve had to watch all the Princess movies.
I opened the free Disney Magic Timer app on my phone (next time we will be using my old ipod because they covered my phone in tooth paste) and created accounts for both girls. They get to choose from a few different characters; Bella chose Belle, of course, and Gabs chose Ariel. Next, you have the option of scanning in your Oral-B products to unlock character. I had a little trouble scanning on my phone but I am very impatient. My husband did it and said it was a breeze. We happen to have a lot of Oral-B products because every time the girls go to the dentist, he gives them a new one. They also earn stickers to unlock character by brushing regularly. Think of it as the way we potty trained with stickers. It still works.
Then you choose your unlocked character and start your timer. Then this happens; a tiny toothbrush appears on the screen and starts brushing (yep, the kids can copy and do a great job at brushing the teeth) and as the 2 minutes passes, with music playing in the background, a cute Disney scene appears. I won’t lie; it totally kept the girls brushing because they wanted to reveal the photo. I told them if they stopped brushing, I was stopping the timer and no photo for them. And that, is how I got my girls to brush their teeth twice a day for 2 complete minutes each time. Now, our only problem is they want to brush their teeth constantly but we are working on it.
How do you get your kids to brush their teeth the recommended 2 minutes?
This is a paid post is brought to you by the new free Oral-B Disney Timer App as part of a Type-A Parent Community Sponsored Post. Featuring sixteen of your favorite Disney and Marvel characters, use this app to seamlessly encourage your kids to brush longer. Collect a new digital sticker after each successful two minutes of brushing; track progress with stars and milestone badges on the Brushing Calendar. Longer, happier brushing for your little one is just a download away!
Download the Free App Here
2014/03/15
25 Top Secret Tips to Rock Your Disney World Family Vacation
Last week was our spring break and we decided on a Disney World vacation with kids. I planned and researched for months. You knew it was coming. After the Frozen party and the making of the Elsa dress ( because I assure you there are none available to buy anywhere, not even at Disney World), it was time to go all in ..Disney World style. We love all things Disney.
The Big Guy and I have been to Disney World many times but never with children for an entire week. In fact, my first trip to Disney World was 15 years ago on our honeymoon. Believe me when I tell you that Disney World is not just for children. It can be as romantic and magical as you want it to be. It’s all in the planning. But this trip was all about our girls so I wanted to make it magical for them not like last time.
Here are 25 top secret tips that every parent should know to rock their Disney World vacation with kids.
1. There is a fastpass+ in Beta for the “you can’t get a reservation for the next 8 months” Be Our Guest restaurant. Yep. That is right. It’s not advertised and you are welcome to wait in line on Stand by for a couple of hours if you prefer but if you don’t….check out this secret squirrel beta testing link to fastpass+ for Be Our Guest Reservations. The food is great and reasonably priced and the décor is gorgeous.
This is what heat stroke looks like. You have been warned. Sun hats & sunscreen are a must in a four hour wait line.

2. If you are planning to see Anna and Elsa, they are in Norway at Epcot until the end of April 2014 and then they will move to the Magic Kingdom. If you want to see them at Epcot, plan on arriving when the park opens and plan on standing in line for a minimum of 3.5 to 4 hours. My husband ran to Epcot when the park opened and we still had to wait for 4 hours. Even if you do the princess breakfast at Askershus Royal Banquet Hall 1) Anna and Elsa are not included only princesses before 1993 and 2) you get no line privileges other than starting out in closer proximity. Also, wear lots of sunscreen and bring water. You will thank me when your child doesn’t have a heat stroke.

3. Wait for Anna and Elsa to go to the Magic Kingdom and fastpass them. Fastpass is your friend. Here are more tips for having the best day at Magic Kingdom.

4. Speaking of fastpass, with the magic bands you are able to select 3 fastpasses per day. Take advantage of that feature. I suggest using them wisely on character meets and roller coasters. The new Enchanted Tales with Belle is a must do for any Beauty and the Beast fan. The animatronic Lumiere was awesome.

5. If not using the fastpass feature, hit the princesses and popular attractions first thing in the morning. It can mean the difference between a 15-minute wait and an hour and a half wait.

6. Take advantage of “Magic hours”. If you are staying on Disney World grounds, you can qualify for extra magic hours which means the park is open an hour earlier or a couple hours later depending on the day and the park. I suggest using this tool when planning your stay. If you think it’s not worth it, look at the photo below with maybe 100 people in the park, at 9 am that would quickly become 85,000 people in the park that day.

7. Schedule your trip ahead of time using your MyDisneyExperience.com. Honestly, you will be able to make sure that you don’t miss a thing and if you are a Type-A mom like myself, you’ll be thrilled at how much easier your days go knowing when things start and where to go.

8. Download the Walt Disney World app. With this app, you will be able to make reservations and check availability. You will be able change fast passes. Several times we got to an attraction before our scheduled time and rode the ride and either saved our fastpass to go again or changed the fastpass for a different attraction.

9. Schedule down time! I am so serious. Between the heat and all the walking, little ones ( and big ones too) will need naps or pool time. I took no less than 3 naps during our spring break.

10. Make sure to see the new for 2014 3 pm Disney Festival of Fantasy parade at the Magic Kingdom. It has all the princesses and princes and is sure to delight children of all ages.

11. Hit the Kilamanjaro Safari at the Animal Kingdom first thing in the morning. The animals will not be as active later in the day when the sun is high in the sky and beating down on them. They will be resting and hiding in the shade.

12. Make sure to see the Wishes nighttime spectacular. It truly is a magical experience and you will all get swept away in the moment.

13. Soarin is awesome! I love to fly and this felt like I was flying free as a bird. My girls loved it too but be sure to fastpass it because the stand by line was never under 180 minutes the whole time we were there.

14. Get the Memory Maker. You know all those photographers that are standing around asking to take your photos? Well, just spend $150 for the Memory Maker and you get to digitally download all of those photos and bonus, YOU Get to be in the photos!! No more being the photographer. Your kids will look back and know that mama was actually on vacation with them.

15. Twilight Zone’s Tower of Terror, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, Space Mountain, Rockin Roller Coaster and Splash Mountain are all must rides for us. The kids will love it and you will LOVE the photos, especially if this is their first experience on the rides. The faces are priceless.

16. Breakfast at Cinderella’s Royal Table is a once in a lifetime must for every little girl. Be warned it is pretty pricey for breakfast just under $200 for a family of four BUT to see my girls’ faces when the princesses came to our table was something totally worth the price. That magic and belief is a fleeting part of childhood so savor it and indulge while you can.

17. Meet Mickey and have your photo taken with him. Firstly, Mickey’s mouth actually moves know. Holy high-tech animatronic head and it’s actually a tradition we’ve been doing since our honeymoon trip and it’s kind of cool to see how we’ve changed and the girls grow over the years.

18. Be sure to enjoy a Pineapple Dole Whip (sold at the Dole stand at the Magic Kingdom), a turkey leg or a funnel cake from the funnel cake cart at the Boardwalk. I also highly recommend taking your family to Restaurant Marrakesh in Morrocco at Epcot. The food is fantastic. My kids loved it because who doesn’t love sweet and savory together. There is a live belly dancing show every hour on the hour and it is amazing to watch and there is huge chance that your child will get pulled onto the dance floor. Have your cameras ready!

19. Spend an evening at the Boardwalk. Get a pepperoni pizza from the Boardwalk Pizza Window and grab a seat on the Boardwalk at sunset. Take a surrey bike ride, get a family caricature portrait sketched and watch the street performers. It’s lots of good clean fun and my kids always seem to get pulled into the shows, so have your camera ready. When the Boardwalk is all lit up at night, it is absolutely magical. End the night with dessert from the Boardwalk bakery ( my favorite is the Tiramisu) or if ice cream is your preference, check out Seashore Sweets. Try saying that 3 times real fast.

20. Late night, Sushi at Kimonos in the Swan is fun for the entire family. First, enjoy some amazing sushi and follow that with some karaoke on the Kimono stage. But be warned, if there is a large convention in-house, you may have to wait awhile to get your food.

21. The Flying Dumbo ride now has a gigantic indoor play area built into the line wait. It is amazing because kids are notorious for getting squeamish and whiney when in line for too long so how awesome that you get to the middle of the line and enter the play area. The hostess hands you a pager and you can play until it’s your turn to ride. Genius. Bravo Disney.

22. Plan your visit during the International Flower festival and it will make your walk around the countries while you snack and sip even more breathtaking and the kids will love the topiaries of the Disney characters.

23. Cool off at the new Casey Jr. splash pad in Fantasyland. It’s cute, it’s convenient and a welcome reprieve from the blistering Florida heat. Make sure the kids have swimsuits or a change of clothes on the day you visit the Magic Kingdom because they won’t want to miss the fun. If it rains and you take a day off of the parks, might I recommend bowling and pizza at Splitsville in Downtown Disney. It’s fun, indoors and very reasonably priced and the food is YUM!

24. Bonfire and s’ mores on the Boardwalk followed by a free outdoor movie by the pool under the stars.

25. La Nouba is 110% worth the cost. My girls are 6 and 9 and they were enthralled with the entire experience. The trampolines and the diabolos were their favorite parts. Myself, the silk scarves and ariel ballet blow me away every single time.
These are all things that I’ve learned over the years of visiting Disney World. The most important thing you can do at Disney World ( or anywhere for that matter) with your kids is just enjoy the moments, being there and remember not to sweat the small stuff because in the grand scheme of things…none of it matters. Make a plan but be flexible.
What is your best tip for having the best Walt Disney World Vacation with kids?
482014
2017/04/07
When Mom’s Stop Being Nice and Start Being Honest

8:15 a.m. As I sit here, contemplating all of my work deadlines with my eye twtiching, staring out the window, as the aroma of Guinea pig piss wafts into my office and strangles me because some little person convinced me that she would clean the cage and LIED, I look around my office. My own little private space which has somehow become a natural disaster site since shoving all the stuff that we couldn’t get put away before the last round of visitors came to stay. I notice my yet to be unpacked spring break luggage. Did I take the swimsuits out? Oh, shit, I hope I took them out or else I am going to have to burn the entire suitcase, clothes and all. Where do I start? I’ve got on my yoga pants, I should probably exercise. Nah, I should probably clean the Guinea pig cage. Do the laundry. Wash the dishes. Go to the grocery store. Call the doctor about this f*cking twitchy eye.
This is what happens when moms stop being nice and start being honest
Seriously, this is my biggest question of every single day. I know that I start by waking up at 6:30 a.m. , forcing myself out of my exhausted fog that every insomniac suffer in the morning, and after a quick pit stop to brush my teeth, because I learned the hard way that little people are brutal, I tiptoe into my daughters’ room to wake them up. That usually goes a little something like, “Bella, Gabi…wake up sweeties.” I whisper this in an almost nauseatingly Snow White like voice. With a grunt, they pull the blankets up above their heads in protest. I think of it as the elementary aged kids version of , “Go Fuck Yourself, Lady!”
Then I try my Good Morning song that I have sung to them since Bella was a baby. (Sung to the tune of Good Mornin’ from Singing in the Rain) Good Mornin, Good Mornin..it’s great to be alive. Good morning, good mornin to you! And you and you! Good morning, Bella & Gabi, it’s great to be your Mommy. Good mornin, good morning to you! Boopboopitydo!” and I kiss them and they audibly grunt or they smile. In desperation, at this point, I usually pull off the blankets and tell them it’s 7 a.m. and we need to eat breakfast. Sometimes they move, sometimes they don’t. Either way, I head downstairs. Usually followed by two grumbling, mumbling “pissed off at the day” tiny tyrants. It sounds a lot like the Hamburgler is trailing me contemplating pushing me down the stairs. I am a little afraid for my life. I am already exhausted.
Then we play the I don’t want THAT! Game. I propose 27 different breakfast combinations and they promptly reject every single one of them. After 15 minutes of this. I say, fuck it and everybody gets Cheerios. Ticktock only 15 minutes before the SUV leaves the driveway bound for school. Come on Debi, You can do this. Get your head in the game. You can survive anything for 15 more minutes. You went through 13 hours of unmedicated labor. You did those 17 days without carbs (once). You didn’t kill anyone on that 3-day juice cleanse last month. You got this. Hell, you survived Dream Girls. You got this, GIRL! Finally, the youngest(who pretty much hates everything and everyone in the morning….so not a morning person. Give that kid a cup of coffee!) tells me just how damn awful those Cheerios were as she throws her empty bowl into the sink. It’s now 7:25 a.m. Only 5 more minutes, 10 tops.
“Go upstairs and brush your teeth! NOW!” I yell for encouragement.
My 6-year-old has now gone into her specialized slowmo movements. It takes her three days to walk up the flight of stairs to her bathroom destination. I can feel my sanity breaking as a barrage of questions and indignant declarations assaults me.
Where are my underwear? I DON’T HAVE ANY SOCKS! I don’t want to wear my uniform. I want to wear shorts. I don’t care if it’s snowing. You hate me don’t you?MOMMMMMMMMYYYYYY! Why is the sky blue? Mommy where are my library books? Can you make me cold lunch? I need money for a field trip. Today is the last day. I hate you! Fine! You don’t care about me.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (in my head) SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP.PLEASE!! GOD! NOW!
Did I mention that I had already set their clothes out on their beds for them while they were eating? They have just not even made it back into their room yet? It is now, 7:33 a.m. The SUV should have departed 3 minutes ago.
One kid is fully dressed but decides NOW is a great time to change her earrings. The youngest is still in her underwear, dancing in front of the full-length mirror in her socks. I say, “Put your clothes on. Now! We are going to be late.” She huffs and, once again, now in ultra slowmo puts on her pants and then her shirt. She brushes her teeth finally, dripping red watermelon toothpaste down her fresh white uniform shirt.
“Where’s my belt, MOMMY?”
Me: “The one hanging from your back belt loop?”
Indignantly, she turns and without missing a beat, “NO, not that one. This one is ugly.”
She has 10 belts; they are all exactly the same.
Meanwhile, her sister can’t find the back of her piercing and is crying hysterically because “obviously” I should have never let her take the damn earrings out because now the hole is closed up and it’s all my fault for giving birth to her. It’s 7:36. We are going to be late.
I flip into supersonic, greased lightening or is that greased chicken (which one is faster?) speed and I brush their waist length hair as fast as I can. As I put them into the only hairstyle we have time for at this point, the side-pony or topknot, my oldest puffs in exasperation because she wants it curled. CURLED? IS this kid crazy? Sorry, no curls for you!
The littlest one, still only wearing one fricking shoe, tells me to stop brushing so hard. She starts to ugly cry and now looks like a spotted leopard. Her sister comes in to soothe her and tiny tyrant says, “It’s all your fault, Bella! If you didn’t sleep on the left side of the bed, I could have been a morning person!”
ME: WHAT THE F*CK?
And then the big sister starts to ugly cry…AGAIN. It’s 7:43.
NO way in hell these kids are getting to school by 7:50 but we’ve got to try. We get down the stairs and they both decide that NOW is the time to go over every scratch of paper in their backpacks. I assure you that it is not. It’s 7:45.
We get into the car and as we pull out my youngest says, “Mom, I told Lily about your baby.”
Me: “What baby?” because honestly at 6-years-old her imagination has babies coming out of our ears.
Gabs: “The baby that died in your tummy.”
(Pardon the pun) DEAD Silence.
7:50 a.m. I drop the girls off at the school office. They both give me a big kiss and an, “I Love you MOMMY!” They walk into school, turning back one last time to blow me a kiss. My heart melts.
7:51 a.m., I pull away, I ugly cry and I pop a Xanax. This is Wednesday
If you’ve ever ugly cried after drop off, been brought to tears by a screaming kid who couldn’t find their library book or just not gotten enough sleep or had a twitchy eye and felt like you were doing it all wrong…please leave me a comment and share this post because I think we have all been here. Well, I hope so or my other eye might start twitching too.
2014/04/23
Maya Angelou Phenomenal Woman
I am having a hard time gathering my thoughts about the news that Maya Angelou has died. She was a great poet, writer and woman. My heart is completely broken at hearing she has died. She was a writer who inspired many of us with her words and what they meant. But she was one of my heroes of a handful of great women. I don’t have many heroes in this world but she was it. Through her words, she made me believe that I could do and be anything. She made the world a better place.
She was a renowned poet, historian and civil rights advocate. She changed the world and the ripples of her life well spent will be felt for ages. She wouldn’t allow herself any limitations because she knew possibilities are endless if we got out of our own way. So many of us stop ourselves from doing, being, getting what we want out of life out of fear of failure. Not her, she stood there and held her ground.
When I read, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, it spoke to me. I felt her pain. Our situations were different but I could relate to the shame, worthlessness and insecurity that she felt as a young girl. She became my hero when I read that book because I knew she was brave and strong and amazing.
Life is hard and not kind to all of us. Some children need someone to make them believe in themselves either by words of encouragement or words of inspiration, she inspired me to go after my dreams. Her words were soft and hard and truthful and honest and she could see right through life’s bullshit.
I read Phenomenal Woman when I was battling eating disorders and she made me feel beautiful at a moment in my life when I felt so ugly and undeserving.
She wasn’t afraid to face the impossible to become who she wanted to be. She shattered all the limits. She reached millions with her words. She touched hearts and broadened minds and now she is gone and all of her words that I have read since childhood are flooding my mind all at once.
I want to sob because it feels like I lost a wise grandmother who had all the answers to the secrets of the universe. It’s an unexpected and overwhelming sense of loss. She may no longer be with us on this earth but the world was a better place for having her in it for 86 years and I , for one, will keep her spirit alive by sharing her words with my daughters.
Some of my favorite Maya quotes

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”

“We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.”

“You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot – it’s all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.”

“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.”

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”

“Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.”

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

“The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
‘Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.”
“I want to thank you, Lord, for the life and all that’s in it,
Thank you for the day and for the hour, and the minute. “

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
“Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.
“If we lose love and self respect for each other, this is how we finally die.”
~Maya Angelou
You will be missed in this world but your words will live on in our hearts forever. There will never be another Maya Angelou. They broke the mold with her. Rest in eternal peace, my hero.
Maya Angelou April 4, 1928 – May 28, 2014

2014/05/28
This Blogger’s Life….Jenni Chiu (MommyNaniBooBoo)
Today, I’d like to welcome Jenni Chiu aka MommyNaniBooBoo to This Blogger’s Life. Jenni is one of my closest and dearest friends on the Internet and my BlogHer roomie. who just happens to be one amazing vlogger, blogger and writer Jenni and I found one another and the rest is history. If you have never read her, I recommend that you do that stat!
Her words have touched me (and many others) through sharing her stories with transparency and bravery. Jenni has a way of writing that is so raw and honest that if you are not feeling something when you are reading Jenni, you just might be dead. I can honestly say in the past 4 years she has made me laugh and cry more times than I can count. If she isn’t moving you with her written word, you can be sure that she is probably charming the pants off of you with her hilariously entertaining videos on youtube.
There are a million different wonderful things that I could say about Jenni ( and I’m not just saying that because she totally put up with my snoring;) but mostly I want to leave you with this, she was an actress and a beautiful model and now she is a mom, wife, a writer and a beautiful, talented soul who I am pretty sure can accomplish just about anything she sets her mind to. She is by far one of the kindest, truest women on the Internet and I could go on gushing for days. I know, I am biased because I’ve called dibs on her as my BlogHer roomie for infinity and beyond but believe me when I tell you, do yourself a favor and read her words. Get to know this brilliant woman through her blog. You will be wondering why the hell you hadn’t done it sooner.
I’m honored to call Jenni Chiu one of my dearest friends and it’s my privilege to have her on This Blogger’s Life today.

A blogger’s work is never done
This Blogger’s Life…Jenni Chiu (MommyNaniBooBoo)
Why did you start blogging?
I’ve always been a storyteller of some sort, which is why I spent so many years as an actor. After becoming a mother, I think I started blogging for the same reason a lot of mothers start blogging. I needed some kind of creative outlet. I also spent months holed up with a colicky baby and no support system after I gave birth. I was in desperate need of some kind of grown up conversation and commiseration.

What’s one piece of advice that you would give to a new blogger?
Write because it feeds your soul, or because it makes you happy to feed the souls of others. If you want to make money at it, have a plan on how to do it… and then be okay with NOT making money for quite a while. Although, maybe that’s advice for writers… not all bloggers are writers.
I would say – Create a blog you can look at years from now and be proud of (whatever that means to you).

What are the three words that describe you best?
empathetic, honest, undefinable

What is your favorite website?
The one that’s already built in my head – I just have yet to make it a reality.

What is your favorite thing to do when you’re not blogging?
Sleep… wait no – play with my kids…
Wait – shop!
Okay now I’m back to sleep again.

What’s the most important thing you’ve learned about yourself from blogging?
That my words can hold more space than my physical body can. In some ways it’s been a relief for me to have my words, and not what I look like, be most people’s first introduction to me.

How do you balance life and blogging?
I don’t. I am almost at all times off balance one way or another.

How has blogging changed you or your life?
It’s given me a sense of community that I was lacking in my real life. It’s kept my creative self from dying a slow death. It’s allowed me to witness and celebrate a thousand aspects of humanity… and also, it’s renewed my faith in women as a community.
It’s also made me a lot less physically active than I used to be (or maybe it’s the kids – or both). Either way, I have to remind myself to back away from the computer and move around more.

What do you think makes a successful blog? A great blog? Are they one in the same?
I think that depends on how people define success. Some define it by impact… some by income… some by longevity.
For me, I feel more successful when my reach is great – when people read, and are moved to share my blog. I think a successful blog is shared it’s because it has moved people in some way. There also blogs that are shared or have a large reach because they are inflammatory… they are the Star magazines of the blogging world, and not successes in my book.
I don’t think a successful blog and a great blog are one in the same. For me, a great blog has well constructed or important content that’s updated fairly regularly… unfortunately, there are many great blogs out there that have no reach and are largely unsuccessful. The Internet is vast and murky.

If you were to stop blogging today, what would you do with the rest of your life?
I would write books… or paint… or go back into acting… or find some other way to connect people through stories of humanity. I would also sleep more.

How do you balance telling your story, without telling the story of others in your life?
I talk about what happens to me. If something happens to someone else, I write about how that event affected me. I also don’t use the names of my husband or children. I’m quite open about myself in my blogging, but very protective of my family. I’m sure it will be even more so as my kids get older. Their online identities will not be built on my blog – that’s for them to do later on in life.

Blogging has changed a lot, just since I started 5 years ago, what do you miss about blogging in the early days? What do you love that has changed?
I feel like five years ago the troll population was significantly lower. That may or may not be true however, because no one read my blog back then so trolls probably couldn’t find it.
One thing I love about blogging now is that we have so many different ways or sharing our words and engaging with one another. Social media has exploded over the past five years.

How do you consistently come up with relevant and shareable content?
I simply go with what I feel motivated to write about… turns out I have lots to say about all kinds of things. I also try to remember that they can’t all be gems.

If you could have a dinner party for 6 people, living or dead, who would you invite?
Shakespeare and Tom Hanks because they are two of my favorite men. I would also then invite Nick, Brandon, Monte, and Gary. The last four are people in my life that I feel died too young. I want them back… even if it’s just for a one-night dinner party.

What’s the one thing that people would be surprised to learn about you?
I ate my twin in the womb.
Kidding.
Probably nothing if they read my blog or follow me on YouTube.

What’s the one post that you are most proud of?
Impossible. That’s like asking which kid I love more.
Some of the ones that have done well are:
I’m Pretty Sure AT&T is Responsible for Many Deaths (I love that I got to read this one at BlogHer’11 for Voices of the Year.)
Delusions of Grandeur
How Michael Jackson Made Me Cool – Tales from the Fourth Grade Bathroom
and Don’t Make the Thin Girl Ugly
Thank you Jenni for taking the time to let me interview you. You are one of my favorite people. Keep using that big voice of yours to change the world. I suspect some day soon I’ll be reading your book. It needs to be written. Love ya , roomie.
XOXO
2014/05/30