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gender-based vioence, abuse, sexual violence, gender based violence, rape

gender-based violence, abuse, sexual violence, gender based violence, rape

Gender-Based Violence*Denial of care for women* The subjugation of women and deprivation of human rights and respect* Gender based violence is physical or emotional violence against women*Anything that doesn’t see the woman as a human being* Women are worth protecting and worth respecting* The old belief was that women are servants and used as procreation tools*

I’ve wanted to write this post for a long time but gender-based violence was something that I needed to mull over and give my full attention; the topic is that important. It is about life and death. It is human compassion. The scariest part is that this topic is not just happening in some far off land or third world country. Gender-based violence is happening right here where you live; maybe it’s next door, the next street over or maybe it’s happening in your own house. It has to stop. No woman deserves this.

Gender-Based Violence is not what I want for my little girls

The gravest threat to a woman’s life is violence inflicted upon her simply because she is a woman. How can you even comprehend or justify this sort of violence? You can’t. Enough time of being beaten down for it and eventually a woman will begin to hate herself because being a woman makes her a target for unimaginable and unprovoked violence.

Women between the ages of 15 and 45 are more likely to be maimed or die from male violence than from cancer, malaria, traffic accidents and war combined. Often times, violent acts such as rape, female genital cutting, or extreme physical abuse are used to intimidate, humiliate and discredit women, denying them political weight in society and forcing them into silent, second-class citizenship. Beyond personal injury, gender-based violence also results in unwanted pregnancies, severe psychological trauma and an increase in maternal mortality.

Gender-based violence can take many different forms, and is constantly mutating into new forms, be it acid attacks, bride burnings, rape or domestic violence. Gender-based violence is often perpetrated by those closest to a woman; a family member, her partner or a friend; someone that she trusts. About one-third of all women globally face beatings in the home. In most countries, between 30 and 60 percent of women have experienced physical or sexual violence by a husband or a boyfriend. 30-60 percent! That means it is very likely that someone that you already know has been a victim of gender-based violence. The statistics for female murder by male partners are also astounding: Up to 70 percent of female murder victims were killed by their male partners, according to the World Health Organization.

In some countries, female genital mutilation is also a concern. Over 135 million girls and women have undergone genital mutilation and 2 million more girls are at risk each year. “Honor” killings, in which a woman’s relative murders her for disgracing the family, can also be a concern in parts of the world. Women are treated like property and inanimate objects. For some reason, there is the assumption that women are put on this earth to serve only the wants and needs of others. I have news for you, we are human with feelings and thoughts and being dismissed, used to satisfy man’s sexual appetite and abused hurts us at our very core. It undermines our very sense of self.

Many governments across the globe continue to turn a blind eye to this violence. To date, 603 million women live in countries where domestic violence is not outlawed and more than 2.6 billion live in countries where rape within marriage is not considered a crime. Without legal retribution, assailants rarely face consequences for their actions and the victims are less likely to report the abuse. In many cases, women are concerned that they will be the ones punished if they report the violence. Other times, rape and sexual assault are so stigmatized that the victim stays silent even if there are laws in place. How can we in good conscious live in a world where victims of unspeakable acts are treated like the perpetrator?

Rape and these other abuses often work to keep women down. Women who have experienced such violence can suffer isolation and depression and have increased drug and alcohol dependency or even poor reproductive health. They may become unable to work or care for their families because they have become so broken from the abuse.

Gender-Based Violence Kills Hope

While laws are important to help combat gender-based violence, the main solution is to change the way people think. Two things lie behind gender-based violence: sexism and misogyny. And it’s not just the men: women too adhere to discriminatory social customs, and frequently are the ones to transmit to the next generation.  For instance, women are often the managers of brothels in poor countries or the ones who demand that their daughters’ genitals are cut. Women have been abused and treated so badly for so long that they have began to believe that they deserve the treatment, accept that the abuse is normal and even become perpetrators of the gender-based violence against other women.

It’s happening all over the world; in every country and every city, even in 2012 in the United States. Pay attention to the news; women’s rights and reproductive rights are being pushed and pulled and torn away from women by politicians who need to change their views. If our leaders view us as second-class citizens, how can we expect the rest of the men in our lives to be any different? The government makes the rules and sets the standards by which all others follow.

Since these attitudes are embedded in culture, they will only change with education. We need to help by acknowledging these harmful and sexist attitudes and traditions and refusing to accept them any longer. By not ignoring the issue we are helping quietly sanction this violence against women.

As women, we need to stand up and speak out. We need to demand that we are treated with the same respect as men. Just because we have a vagina that doesn’t make us weaker; that makes us stronger because we have always had to work harder to prove ourselves to society.  I am afraid what might happen if we don’t. Is the world you want to raise your daughter in? We need to change so that our daughters and granddaughters don’t grow up to know this devastation.

Half the Sky Movement is helping reverse this devastating trend by shining a light on these horrific acts of violence and inspiring victims to champion gender equality and safety. They are making a real difference in the world. You can see the PBS special and learn more on October 1 & 2.

We are humans* We are worth protecting* We are deserving of love and respect* We are the givers of life* We are more than just what lies between our legs*

Gender-based violence  is unacceptable

Disclaimer: This post (and my sharing on social media) was inspired by my participation in a compensated program initiated by Women Online/The Mission List to raise awareness about the Half the Sky. All commentary and opinions are, of course, my own.

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Annegret Raunigk, advanced maternal age, too old to have a baby, pregnancy

What do you consider advanced maternal age?

What age do you think is too old to have a baby?

Pushing aside, finances and social norms what is your cut off date? I had always said I’d never have a baby after 35.

I know. I was so adorable thinking in absolutes. I drew that line in the sand before I knew anything about life.

Then I found myself wonderfully and unexpectantly pregnant at 39 and I couldn’t think of a reason in the world why that would be wrong. I was scared; terrified to be exact. I’d heard all the horror stories of all the things that could go wrong.

READ ALSO: Unexpectantly pregnant at 39

In the end, it didn’t work out the way we had hoped but if it could have, I was absolutely ready to have another baby because even though my eggs might have been 39, my mind and heartfelt 25. Does that matter? How much does that factor in?

Is 39 too old to have a baby?

A German woman, Annegret Raunigk, is about to make history as the world’s oldest woman to give birth to quadruplets.

The 65-year-old mother of 13 and grandmother to 7 already made the news ten years ago when she gave birth to her daughter Leila at the age of 55. Well, she’s making news again now because Leila has requested a younger sibling.

The things we won’t do for our children, right?

After several rounds of artificial insemination, Raunigk finally became pregnant with four embryos. Thankfully, the pregnancy hasn’t had any major complications so far.

Is 65 too advanced maternal age to have a baby?

Of course, Raunigk has been blasted with questions regarding the pregnancy, her age and the effect the pregnancy might have on her and her unborn children’s bodies. This is her response…

“I’m not actually afraid. I simply assume I’ll remain healthy and fit. In matters of organization I have enough experience, that’s not new for me.” When asked about the “moral implications” of being pregnant at her age by German broadcaster RTL, she had this to say “How does one have to be at 65? One must apparently always fit some cliches which I find rather tiring . . . I think, one must decide that for oneself.” 

I am all for living your life your way and I don’t think it is anyone else’s business to tell anyone, man or woman, what to do with their body. Female empowerment is one of my life causes and anyone who has been a long time reader of The TRUTH knows that I am a ferocious advocate for women’s rights, reproductive especially. I don’t believe in putting people into boxes or labeling human beings.

READ ALSO: My truth about motherhood

However, in this case, I think there is something that no one has mentioned, what about those children? Granted the children may be perfectly healthy and happy, which would be ideal and I don’t necessarily think it’s my business to tell anyone when and how to have their babies but what happens in 20 years when these babies are 20 years old and she could quite possibly be dead?

It’s one thing to survive a pregnancy and delivery at 65-years-old but it’s quite another to bring a child into the world that you won’t be around to be available to them. My mom is 65-years-old and you can’t tell me that she would be able to be the same mom to a newborn as she was to me.

I realize that any of us can die at any time and age has nothing to do with how much we love our children but I just feel like giving birth at 65-years-old could be irresponsible and not fair to the children because 20-years-old is too young to not have your parent. This is a very real possibility for these babies.

Parenting is something we do for our entire lives and our children need us to guide and love them well into adulthood. Maybe that’s naïve of me but when I read this story I felt sad knowing that this mother might not be around to see these children grow to adulthood, get married or have their own children.

I guess the world is full of uncertainties and unexpected blessings and we can only do our best to thrive in our current situation but I feel that the emphasis in this entire situation should be on the children and not Ms. Raunigk.

What advanced maternal age do you think is too old to have a baby?

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Ann Romney, Mitt Romney, miscarraige, grief,loss

Throat Punch Thursday~ ann romney, abortion, women's rights, mitt romney, miscarriage, loss, grief,votes

Ann Romney Over shares for Votes

Ann Romney today you are the recipient of the Throat Punch. I’ve made it very clear that I feel that the politicians should back the fuck out of my uterus.  Well, now they have their wives trying to sneak them in the back way and that really pisses me off. What’s worse is they have taken to using a personal tragedy to wiggle their way into our votes. Fuck that, I see you!

In an interview earlier this week, Ann Romney spontaneously and irrelevantly burst into a speech about a miscarriage that she went through when she was in her 40’s. It’s sad for sure. I hate that any woman ever has to go through that loss and experience such a huge devastation in life; for that, my heart breaks for the Romneys. The part that bugs the piss out of me is that in the video it seemed as if the entire thing were done to make the Romney’s more approachable; more relatable. Let me be blunt. Ann Romney and her spiel didn’t seem very authentic to me. It seemed like a ploy to get the female population’s vote and that, my friends, is disgusting and despicable.

I am not saying that she did not experience a miscarriage. I am not saying that her family was not devastated. I am not saying that I am not sorry for her loss. My heart breaks for any and every single woman, even if her husband is trying to rob the rest of us women of our reproductive rights, who has ever known this life altering pain but why now? Why disclose it now? Why is it relevant now? The only answer my mind can come up with is for the votes.

Ann Romney, Mitt Romney, miscarriage, grief,loss

Ann Romney is Mitt’s Biggest Fan

In the interview, she goes off on a Stepford wife like tangent about having the miscarriage and then telling her children before leaving to the hospital. She dropped a bomb and then left before it went off. That seems kind of like an asshole thing to do to me. Then she recounts how when her 10 or 11 year old son ( yes, she was not sure.Which I found bizarre as well. I remember the day my miscarriage happened vividly and I remember the year and how old my kids were and their reactions. How can you be confused about the year? My miscarriage is burned into my brain like a torturous scar earned from surviving the hardest day of my life this far) came home and collapsed on the floor with grief. I believe that. Telling my children about our miscarriage was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

His mother told him heartbreaking news and then sent him off to school to digest it, alone. I don’t know why Ann Romeny is telling people this. It only served to piss me off more. In the interview, Mitt Romney looked moved and said that Ann never told him about how his son reacted that day. Where the fuck was Mitt? Your wife just had a miscarriage. She should be in bed dealing with her own grief, Mitt should have been the one meeting the kids when they got home from school and comforting them. Where was he? It’s just one more example of how out of touch the Romney’s are with reality. Even when experiencing a universal tragedy, they react in a way that the average family would not.

In this case of exploiting your miscarriage for votes, I kinda can’t stand the sight of the Romney’s now. Heartstrings manipulation is a crap way to get votes. In any case, what kind of a husband would ask his wife to share such a personal and painful event in her life for votes? Or worse, what kind of woman would use such a painful experience to get votes? Ann Romney, what were you thinking?

Ann Romney Sorry You just Lost One More Vote

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Joe Walsh, abortion without exception

Joe Walsh, abortion without exception

Joe Walsh there are Exceptions to Every Rule

Late last week, Republican Representative Joe Walsh sparked a firestorm in suggesting there’s no medical reason to perform an abortion to save a woman’s life. ( Yes, I am asking myself the same question. When did I become the advocate for women’s rights blogger? I have not but it’s election time and I can’t in good conscience stand idly by while the politicians of the world muck up the topics by flip flopping and the only ones who are going to get hurt are you and I and our daughters, sisters and mothers.)  During a debate with Democratic challenger Tammy Duckworth on Thursday, Joe Walsh declared that he was “pro-life without exception,” and said that due to medical advancements, there were no instances in which abortion was necessary to save the life of the mother. Just stop and let that sink in for a moment. These were his exact words.

“With modern technology and science, you can’t find one instance,” contended Walsh, whose claim quickly was refuted by medical professionals.

I’ve been saying for awhile that the Republican party is trying to set women’s reproductive rights back to the stone age and this is just one more example in a laundry list of things that the Republican party and the Mitt Romney, Joe Walsh, Paul Ryan, Todd Akin, and Terry England’s of the world are advocates for. I understand babies are cute and cuddly and only an animal trying to commit political suicide would ever have the balls to say that he gives a shit about women over a baby. But let’s be real folks, with no women there are no babies. With no rights, women may as well be animals or inanimate objects.

There are most certainly situations where abortions are medically necessary to save the woman’s life and I can tell you, no woman who was celebrating a pregnancy and planning for a child has ever taken the role of terminating her child’s life for her own lightly.It’s medically necessary. It’s a “You’re not going to get out of here alive. The baby won’t make it.Do you want to die with the baby or do you want to live to try again or take care of those children you already have?” I’ve never had to make that choice. I never had the opportunity to choose. My baby died and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. But I suspect that I, like all women, would trade my own life for my unborn child’s in a heartbeat, if it were an option but it’s usually not.

Joe Walsh you are just one in a long line of politicians throwing women’s rights under the bus to further your own career.

I’m so fucking sick and tired of hearing old, white men tell me what to do with my body. Dictating how I choose to live in the world. Tell me what rape is and what it’s not, deciding what is a legitimate violation of my body and what is not. Why should a man be able to punish me for making choices about my own body and how and when I choose to procreate?

Joe Walsh, read a book, take an anatomy class, and know this, women are people too. I had a reader ask me why I needed the choice to kill a baby to be a human. I don’t. I need the choice to make decisions concerning my own body and my life to be human. If you take away my right of choice, my right to decide how to live in the world, the freedom to pursue my dreams, then I may as well be a piece of furniture or a blow up doll. I was not put on earth to be just a servant to the male population and their every whim.

Men like Joe Walsh, Mitt Romney, Todd Akin, Paul Ryan and Terry England don’t care about women’s rights. They scare me. They make these crazy ignorant statements because they truly believe them and then as soon as they realize that people might not vote for them because of what they say, they backtrack and retract what they said or try to “clarify” and minimize it. They suddenly become gray. when they were adamantly black or what the day before.

Walsh clarified those comments in a long written statement to the news media this afternoon.

“Let me very clear [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][sic] that when I say I am pro-life, I mean that I am pro-life for the mother and I am pro-life for the unborn child.  For me, there is no distinction between the two,” Walsh said.

Make a choice. Stick to it. Know the facts or keep your mouth shut. Joe Walsh I hope no one you love ever needs an emergency abortion to spare her life because then you will know the gravity and weight with which these decisions are truly made.

Joe Walsh

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election day, democracy, Romney, Obama, Presidency

election day, democracy, Romney, Obama, Presidency

Tomorrow is Election Day. This year is no joke. I am frightened. History hangs in the balance. This is a history making  election. I’ve been seeing a lot of tweets about how close the race is and how we should all stop bullying one another in this election. I agree, it is way too close. I also agree that no election should be about bullying. We should respect one anothers decision to cast our vote in any direction we see fit. I also feel that is our duty, as voters, to know the facts, weigh the options and vote for what is best for us and elect the candidate that we most strongly agree with on the most issues. It’s a process of intense elimination and employees a lot of common sense and interest.

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Marlise Munoz, erick Munoz, Texas, brain dead, mom kept alive to gestate fetus

Legally and medically dead pregnant woman, Marlise Munoz, is being kept alive against her obvious state of deadness and her family’s wishes in order to incubate a fetus that is so deformed that ultrasound can’t even determine whether it’s a girl or boy. Erick Munoz and is son have lost their wife and mother and all the family wants to do is give her a proper burial; to say goodbye but the hospital will not allow them to do so.

Tragically on November 26, 2013, a trained paramedic, Erick Munoz, came home and found his 14-week pregnant wife, Marlise Munoz, unconscious on the floor. She is brain dead from a suspected embolism. She has been like this since that day when her husband found her. The John Peter Smith Hospital in Fort Worth, Texas where she is being held is keeping her on life support despite the protests of her husband and family. She is essentially being used to incubate a fetus that is ‘distinctly abnormal’ after being deprived of oxygen for an unknown period of time before she was found.

Mr. Munoz and the hospital are locked in a court battle about whether to retain life support. Marlise, also a trained paramedic, was very specific with her husband that she did not want extreme measures to keep her alive in a case where she was brain dead. There is no quality of life left. The hospital has decided that Mrs. Munoz should be kept “alive” to give the baby a chance at life completely ignoring the wishes of her, her husband and common sense. The baby is essentially being incubated in a brain dead and deteriorating dead body. The result is that the fetus is not gestating normally.

“Even at this early stage, the lower extremities are deformed to the extent that the gender cannot be determined. The fetus suffers from hydrocephalus. It also appears that there are further abnormalities, including a possible heart problem that cannot be specifically determined due to the immobile nature of Mrs. Munoz’s deceased body. She is legally and medically dead.” However, officials at John Peter Smith Hospital refuse to publicly pronounce Marlise Munoz dead.

This is anguishing for Mr. Munoz, Marlise’s family and their son to go through, not to mention, it’s incredibly unfair to the baby they are keeping alive that is so severely messed up. No one wins in this situation; everybody loses. Last week, Munoz’s husband asked a court to force the hospital to take her off the respirator, ventilator and other machines, saying her wishes shouldn’t be disregarded just because she is pregnant. His goal is to have the hospital disconnect the machines so that her family can take her body and give her a proper burial.

Marlise Munoz, Erick Munoz, brain dead, Texas

Marlise Munoz and her family

The case has raised questions about end-of-life care and whether a pregnant woman who is considered legally and medically dead should be kept on life support for the sake of a fetus. This is no surprise to me, what they are doing to this woman. The world looks at women as things, possessions, they dehumanize us in their minds so that they can treat us as badly as they do. Women all over the world have their reproductive rights restricted and determined by men; the half of the population who have not actually ever experienced what it feels like to be a woman, to be pregnant and give birth.

If this story was about a woman who was found brain dead at 33 weeks and was kept “alive” to gestate a perfectly normal fetus until week 35. I could understand the hospital’s stance but in this case, the fetus was only 14-weeks at the time of the mother’s death. It was not viable. This situation is the stuff horror movies are made of. A husband has lost his wife, a child has lost his mother, a family has lost it’s daughter and now they are keeping her alive like Frankenstein to gestate a child who will probably not survive outside the womb and even if it does, will face severe obstacles in life. Putting the family in the position to lose another member, to relive another loss. The only humane thing to do is to let this woman and her fetus die together; to end their pain. Give the family some closure and let them move through their grief of such a monumental loss.

Do you think the hospital should keep Marlise Munoz alive or let her and her child die?

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James Taranto, Whoopi Goldberg, date rape, rape, shitfaced

Did you know that date rape is just a figment of womens’ imaginations? Apparently, the Wall Street Journal’s, James Taranto, is still fighting the good fight in the “war on men”. Taranto feels that the world is on a rampage to criminalize male sexuality. And it seems that Mr. Taranto has found an unlikely ally in Whoopi Goldberg.

James Taranto wrote an article earlier this week titled Drunkenness and Doublestandards in which he compared rape to a drunk driving collision.

What is called the problem of “sexual assault” on campus is in large part a problem of reckless alcohol consumption, by men and women alike. (Based on our reporting, the same is true in the military, at least in the enlisted and company-grade officer ranks.)

 

Which points to a limitation of the drunk-driving analogy. If two drunk drivers are in a collision, one doesn’t determine fault on the basis of demographic details such as each driver’s sex. But when two drunken college students “collide,” the male one is almost always presumed to be at fault. His diminished capacity owing to alcohol is not a mitigating factor, but her diminished capacity is an aggravating factor for him.

Whoopi Goldberg apparently agrees because her response to the article was,

“if you don’t want this kind of attention, don’t get poop-faced. Do not get poop-faced. Do not become so drunk you don’t know what is happening.”

Way to go Whoopi! Nothing like placing the blame on the victims of date rape on national television. That’s a classy move. What’s next? Will she be standing shoulder to shoulder with Woody Allen as they cast disparaging remarks and throw stones at Dylan Farrow for being too damn milk drunk at age 7?

Look, I’ve read Mr. Taranto’s articles and this man is ridiculous to think that the men of the world need protection from the women. It’s a man’s world. It always has been. The vaginas are just living it. We have to fight tooth and nail just to be considered equal and we are still fighting to keep politicians out of our reproductive business. He quotes state troopers to support his theory,

“For the most part, they’re boys who had too much to drink and have done something stupid. When we show up to question them, you can see the terror in their eyes.”

As if that’s an excuse. They are filled with terror because they have been caught, not because they are sorry that they forced themselves on a woman in an act of rape. I wonder if the terror in their eyes looks anything like the terror in their victim’s eyes that were too drunk to fight off their rapist’s advances. Because, hey Whoopi, even when men and women are stone cold sober, pushing a man off you is a difficult task. Most men are stronger than most women, that is a fucking fact.

Taranto even goes so far to support a theory that suggests that bystanders should take culpability and intervene in all potential rape situations by “spilling a drink on the guy, turning on a light turning off the music or grabbing the perpetrator in a conga line to divert his attention.” Of course, if anyone sees a rape in process they should try to stop it but he makes it seem like college men are toddlers who need to be protected from themselves by others. No, I don’t think so. Having a dick doesn’t make you disabled.

What the Fuck? So obviously, according to Taranto, men rape because no one stops them and women drink. According to Whoopi Goldberg, if a woman doesn’t want to get raped she should just not drink so damn much. So, is it only rape if the victim can pass a breathalyzer test? Why not just take a bat to the assholes head if you catch him trying to force himself on a woman, any woman…”shit faced” or not.

Hey, Whoopi, we don’t blame victims for being raped. It doesn’t matter if she was shit faced, she needed a second haircut to wear her skirt, her lips were red and her tits were being served up like Sunday dinner. Will she attract negative attention? Probably. Does she deserve to be raped? NO!

Should women and men control their alcohol consumption? Yes. Reckless alcohol consumption can land you in compromising situations. You might wake up wondering what the hell you did the night before. You might be remorseful. But there is a universal rule that we all know and accept, men need expressed consent to have sexual intercourse with women. If no consent is given, it’s sexual assault. If a woman says, No, I don’t want to, I don’t fell like it, I have a headache, take me home or is not coherent or capable enough to say “yeah baby, let’s do it”, then do not pass go. Get up, go to the bathroom and take care of yourself or go home but do not put your penis in the vagina or you may face rape charges. Men know this. This is not new information.

Whoopi and Mr. Taranto you keep fighting the good fight to stand up against the “war on men”. Me, I’ll be over here standing up for all the shitfaced victims that you don’t think are really victims. I’ll be fighting in the real war, the war on women.

Rape is rape, assholes!

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An Open Letter to Men from Women on Misogyny, Abortion, Sex and Equality

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

As a feminist mom of teenage girls, this is the post that lives in my mind at all times. As a daughter and granddaughter of a mother and grandmother who have always been marginalized by what lies between her legs, I am offended.  As a woman who has been judged, juried and punished for being feminine and curvy, I am livid. As a woman who has been sexually harassed and abused by men and afraid for as long as I can remember, I am done. As a woman who thinks and feels and sees and exists, I am outraged. This is my open letter to men on misogyny, abortion, sex and equality

For as long as I can remember, I have walked through the world feeling in danger. In danger of being touched, groped, raped and even assaulted by men. Worse still, I have learned to survive. To make myself small and quiet when I needed to which if you know me, you know is not me. I am not alone.

When strange men on trains, on planes, in clubs, at school, at church, online, at frat parties, walking home from school, playing at a friend’s house, while shopping, while eating, while working, breastfeeding, playing at the park with my children, while living my life and even while sleeping have forced their crude remarks, wandering hands and themselves upon me, I had to learn to escape with the least amount of damage; not unscathed because, as any woman knows, that is impossible. So I made a decision, a long time ago, I refused to raise my daughters to make themselves small and I myself will never again make myself small…because they (my daughters) are watching.

Misogyny

I refuse to raise my daughters to hunch their shoulders, hide their bodies in baggy clothes, feel shame for being attractive or saying no. Not today misogyny. I would not raise them to consider anyone other than themselves when getting dressed. No one else’s opinion on what they wear, their size, shape, hair color, makeup or sexual prowess is any of their business. I taught my girls that they are equal to men and, let’s be honest, in some ways, they’re better. Most importantly, I raised them to respect themselves and their own thoughts and opinions over anyone else’s. That being said, they were taught that everyone else is entitled to their opinions about life but those opinions have no effect on our lives.

My girls know what consent is. I taught them to say no loudly and habitually when they want to. Their body is their body, not mine, not yours and not some random dude who can’t keep his toxic masculinity and hormones in check, not even their husband or boyfriend. Believe me, toxic masculinity comes in more forms than just a rapist in a dark alley or skeevey dudes at the clubs, these men can also be your boss, your priest, your friend, the old man down the road, the boy next door and the guy who’s supposed to protect and serve your community.

I’ve fought the school on dress codes and refuse to have my daughters wear baggy clothes just because it’s too distracting to the boys. Why aren’t clothes that fit enough? Sorry, breasts and butts happen. We all have them.

I’ve fought public opinion on my daughters wearing bikinis when they were toddlers because someone had the audacity to say I was sexualizing my toddlers. No, you pervert are the one sexualizing a child. That’s a “you” problem. I was simply buying a suit that was comfortable for my tall child. Covering her belly button is not more important than preventing discomfort or causing infections. As teenagers, I stand by that statement. What women are wearing is not a concern for men. If it offends you or overstimulates you, overt your fucking eyes. Stop policing us. We don’t police you. Stay in your lane.

Sex

I’ve taught my daughters that sex is beautiful when they are mature enough to handle all that comes with it. We’ve talked about sex since they started asking. It’s not dirty or bad. They are not naughty for being curious. I don’t preach abstinence. I talk about respecting their bodies, themselves, their partners and waiting until they are ready.

I tell them that sex does not equal love. Sex is sex and someone can love having sex with you and not love you at all. I’ve taught them about birth control and responsibility, taking it themselves and demanding it of their partners. Sex with someone you love is beautiful and sex with yourself is cathartic. We don’t slut-shame so I’ve even taught them that we don’t judge and criticize other people’s sexual choices.

Abortion

I am pro-choice and I’ve raised my girls to know why. It’s not that I am pro-abortion or that I’ve had or would’ve ever chosen to have one. It is that I respect women and their lives and it is every single human being’s right to be in control of what happens to their own body. You can argue that you are pro-life because you believe every single life is precious but if that’s your reasoning, what about the life of the girl or woman who finds herself pregnant (for whatever reason, the reason is irrelevant…women should not have to qualify the choices they make for their own bodies to anyone else, especially men) and is not capable of raising it, taking care of it, wanting or loving and providing for it in the way that she wants at that time?

If you are pro-life only for an unborn fetus, then you are not concerned with life (because you have disregarded the woman’s) you are concerned with moral superiority and inflicting your beliefs on others. It’s a power struggle not a pro-life issue. If abortion morally offends you, simply do not have an abortion. Period. While we’re on the subject, can all the politicians please GTFO of our uteruses?

Whatever your belief is, the consequences rest with the woman having the abortion and it’s between her and her God. She will have to live with that choice forever. There is no way around that. If you think the decision to have an abortion is one a woman takes lightly, you’ve never actually asked a woman who has to make that choice. Her decision has no immediate or direct effect on your life. It’s not your business to decide and making abortion illegal will not stop abortions, it will only stop safe abortions which means they will put women’s lives and their future reproductive health in jeopardy.

Equality

My girls are free to make their own choice on which side they choose to support because I respect them, their intelligence and their right to choose. If my daughters ever find themselves unexpectedly pregnant, I will do what any parent should do, I will counsel, love and support them in whatever decision they make for themselves. But at the same time, it’s my responsibility, as a parent, to teach them about respecting their bodies, loving themselves, pregnancy prevention, sexual safety and knowing the difference between love and sex.

Don’t misunderstand, I am not promoting teen sex, promiscuity, unplanned pregnancy or abortion. I am simply saying that these things happen and, in case no one was paying attention, it takes a man and a woman to get pregnant but only the girl or woman is left with the immediate responsibility of raising, caring for and providing for the child because we are the ones who carry it. Men can walk away and pretend it didn’t happen and some do. Men are not the ones paying for the consequences of one night for the rest of their lives, women are.

So until men can be held equally accountable for women’s reproduction, they should have no say in what we do, how we behave or what we choose to do or not do with our own bodies. Women are not property, nor inanimate objects, we are not born to provide care and pleasure for men…we are simply born to live and pursue our own happiness, just like every man.

It’s enraging enough that we are not given equal pay, equal voice or equal respect or rights as human beings. The world teaches little girls that doing anything like a girl is bad, weak and less than. It teaches girls to be quiet, be amiable, smile more and accept the places they’ve given us. Little girls need to be encouraged and empowered to use their voices, stand up and be everything they dream of being without the worry of being oppressed and reduced to their sexuality. Our girls are more. We are more.

This is not about me bashing men. This is me protecting and standing up for my daughters and every other child. These things I am teaching my daughters; need to be taught to our sons as well. Things will never change until we all work together to change the way things are; we have to stop accepting misogyny (in all its forms) as just the way it is. I don’t want my girls to feel scared and afraid of men and boys and I don’t think your boys want my girls to feel that way either. It starts now by refusing to let one more girl make herself feel small and quiet just to feel safe living with girl parts in the world.

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catholic church, abortion, roe v. wade, open mind, parenting

Today is the 43rd anniversary of the controversial Roe v. Wade abortion ruling. I have always been torn between my pro-life Catholic upbringing and my pro-choice heart. I hoped I’d never find myself in the position to have to decide whether or not to have an abortion but I also learned at a very early age that sometimes women( and girls) do and it’s one of the hardest decisions they ever have to make and it’s one she has to make for herself.

When I was 15-years-old, I had a friend who confided in me that she was pregnant and was going to have an abortion all on her own. I had no idea what to do but listen and hold her when she cried at her predicament. I was young and naïve and had no experience or reference to what she was going through. I felt useless because I couldn’t help her. The decision was one of the most agonizing things I’ve ever seen someone go through. In that moment, I knew I would always fight for a woman’s right to have dominion over her own body and reproductive system. I’ve been prochoice ever since.

So this morning when I went to mass, the one my daughter has been asking me to attend for 3 months because she was leading the choir, imagine my shock when the first words out of the priest’s mouth in the homily was, “Since today is the anniversary of Roe v. Wade…..” followed by the phrase, “Women commit abortion” which is code for sin and then he went into how every life from the tiniest in the womb to the most elderly person on the footsteps of death are loved by God. That was powerful but it rubbed me the wrong way because I knew his undertone. He continued on saying, “ No matter what the mother feels, God loves that child.”

My mind was filled with all the noise and chaos of that moment when you know you have to say something, “OH.SHIT. This is the worst possible mass for me to attend because I instinctively go into defensive mode.I have a crazy need to right all the wrongs, especially when my children are part of the captive audience. 
People, it took everything in my body not to raise my hand in front of a packed church of children and elderly, stand up and ask, “ But is God going to feed them, cuddle them, provide shelter and clothing for them? Is God going to make sure that every child born has all that he needs?” I was flabbergasted. Then something crazy happened, this priest, who is almost fanatically pro life, began to speak and his words were filled with compassion, caring and love.

His next few phrases are what blew my mind out of my head, right there in the back pew as my baby girl sang.

He said, “Abortion is man’s fault, not women. Because men should treat women like the crown jewels they are and love, respect, honor and support them and if they did, there would be no need for abortion because there would be no unwanted children.”

Let that sit with you for a minute.

Then he said, what I’ve said forever, “ Women are God’s most precious gift to Men and they are not to serve us, they are here for us to marvel with love, respect and adoration because without women, there is no life. Only women have been blessed with the ability to bring forth life.” Everything I thought I knew up until this point about this man changed.

Then he said, “ By men making women objects of lust instead of objects of love, they are to blame for putting women in these compromising positions.” I know that pregnancy take two and I don’t blame men alone for women being put in the position to choose life or not, but it was nice to finally here a man (a Catholic priest no less) say that men should take responsibility for their actions and keep it in their pants. I never expected to hear those words echoing through my church, ever.

Women have always been treated like second-class citizens throughout history in society and especially in the church. I’ve always felt differently and that’s made my views as a Latina and a woman unpopular with many men I’ve known.

I’ve never been particularly fond of this priest because I’ve always felt that he’s too judgmental on situations like these but this morning his words and his heart were filled with kind words of love and compassion for our children and that is so important when you are molding young children’s minds. His words moved me.

Don’t get me wrong I haven’t changed my mind. The feminist in me will always believe it is the woman’s right to choose and the 15-year-old me will always fight for the right for women to make their own choice without condemnation from others but he made me appreciate the choice from another perspective, more importantly he explained to my children in a way that fosters compassion and self-respect. I was impressed and in the end, I didn’t have to raise my hand or storm out of mass.

 

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This post was produced with support from Clean Air Moms Action. All opinions are, of course, my own.

The upcoming election has been dominated by divisive candidate issues. Believe me, many of us have lost friends and family because our politics simply cannot reconcile themselves but there’s one thing that we should all be able to agree on: harmful pollution, climate change, and toxic chemicals are putting our families at risk and it doesn’t have to be that way. Whether you’re a liberal or a conservative, every one of us lives on this planet and, I hope, everyone of us wants to take care of it so it’s still around for our children and our children’s children.

When I think about the future, I immediately think about my daughters. The future is not some obscure thing that will happen to me. Since becoming a mom, everything I do is directly in relation to how it will affect my children and that means I have no choice but to be the change. It’s my job to be their advocate, to make sure that they are healthy and happy and, for me, that means making sure that they have clean air to breathe.

A few weeks ago, the news reported that safe carbon levels in the earth’s atmosphere were a thing of the past. We officially passed the point of no return, 400 parts per million, where the earth’s climate was concerned. The low point of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere typically occurs around the last week of September but this year, levels failed to drop below 400 ppm.

Why’s that a big deal? The 400 ppm mark is considered the red line in the sand and crossing it poses dangerous climate ramifications. Right now we’re at 400 ppm, and we’re adding 2 ppm of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere every year. Unless we are able to change things and turn that around and return to below 350 ppm this century, we risk triggering tipping points and irreversible impacts that will send climate change spinning beyond our control. It will be catastrophic.

To reverse the damage and do some Superman/ Wonder Woman like planet saving, here are three areas we need to focus our attention towards.

CLEAN AIR. Air pollution from fossil fuels leads to bad air quality in too many communities. Increases in smog can trigger asthma attacks and exacerbate other chronic health problems. Do not let your child’s health be voted away to protect polluters’ profits. Instead, VOTE to protect little lungs from toxic air pollution.

CLIMATE CHANGE. The same harmful pollution that is making our children sick is causing rising temperatures and extreme weather events. Our changing climate is making smog worse. It increases respiratory health threats, particularly for people with allergies and asthma. Also, intense heat waves exacerbate heart and lung conditions. VOTE for candidates who support proposals to cut methane emissions from the oil and gas industry. And vote to put our country on a clean energy path while protecting American jobs!

TOXIC CHEMICALS. Dangerous chemicals are found in our daily lives. They often enter our homes and bodies without our realizing it. In fact, these chemicals may not even have been disclosed, identified or studied. Thousands of toxic chemicals found in everyday products are linked to potential reproductive and developmental toxicity, endocrine disruption, birth defects, cancer, asthma, headaches and skin irritants. Children are among the most vulnerable to such chemicals.

It really hit home for me when my 9-year-old came to me with tears in her eyes and asked me, “Mommy will the air last long enough for me to grow up?” That broke my heart because while the answer is yes ( just), I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I have no idea what the air we breathe will be like for her children and grandchildren. I can’t make her any guarantees. We’ve ignored the warnings for far too long and now, it falls on our shoulders to literally save the planet for our children.

Clean Air Moms Action, moms, Presidential election 2016, Clean air act

Unfortunately, harmful pollution, climate change and toxic chemicals are putting our precious children at risk. It doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. This doesn’t mean there’s no hope. We just need to collectively get involved, care and make changes. It starts with each one of us.

On election day your vote can elect candidates who care about these issues. If for nothing else, please vote as if your child’s health depends on it. Because it does. Take the pledge and commit yourself to voting for your child’s future.

This fall Clean Air Moms Action is traveling the country with a documentary film crew capturing the stories of parents who are fighting daily to protect their children’s health effects of exposure to oil & gas productions, high-tide flood waters, and ground water contamination from coal ash waste sites.

You can see more videos like this on the Clean Air Moms Action YouTube page

Please join me in working together to move clean energy forward in the US. by joining the fight to protect our children at cleanairmomsaction.org.

Next Tuesday, your vote will tell leaders that you care about protecting our children from the harmful effects of toxic air pollution. The same harmful pollution that is making our children sick is causing rising temperatures and extreme weather. It’s our job as parents to protect our babies and their futures.

Join me by voting. Research candidates with a good record on the environment and vote for them. Join the #CleanAirMomsVote selfie project. Print out the Because I Love sign, fill in the blank, and post it to social media with the hashtag #CleanAirMomsVote

Learn more on the Clean Air Moms Action website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Follow the hashtag #CleanAirMomsVote

 

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