Last Baby, First Day of Preschool Blues

The First Day of Preschool has snuck up on me. After 4 years, my baby girl is starting preschool. Let the letting go commence. My heart is a little broken at the very thought at not having my little girl next to me every day all day, her big bright smile beaming up at me at any and every hour of the day. Her giggle not resonating through the house at something silly she has thought up or seen on the television. No sticky little fingers to grab at my breakfast. No little toes to trip me when I walk. No small little hands to hold mine when we leave her sister at school. No more special breakfasts, just the two of us. My last baby is starting her first day of preschool.

First day of preschool, last baby

The truth is that it has all gone by way too fast. It feels like a month ago that I found out I was pregnant and heard your heartbeat for the first time. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I brought you home from the hospital, swaddled tightly in a little blanket of pink. Wasn’t it just a couple of hours ago that I was changing diapers and waiting desperately for you to say Mama and take your first steps? Where have the years gone? I want them back. I want to hold you in those moments and close to me forever. I know babies outgrow their Mommies laps, but you will never outgrow my love.

last baby, first day of preschool

First Day Of Preschool, where have the years gone

There is so much change coming. I remember this part. This is where my forced letting go begins. This is where your growing up begins. This is where the hurt starts. I am so proud of you. You are so smart. You will take preschool by storm. You are fearless. You are amazing in ways that I can not fully explain. I am sitting here typing through tear filled eyes because I know where this road ends. A parent’s job is to raise children that make the world a better place, to be humans that we wish we could be more like to fulfill their potential and exhaust their dreams. I will be your biggest cheerleader, no matter where your passions may lead and I will always be here when you need to come home. My heart will ache, it may even break, bursting with pride and love for you my little girl. Tomorrow will be just the first in a long line of little letting goes.

last baby, first day of preschool, bluesTomorrow, the First Day of Preschool

Tomorrow, we begin a new chapter. Tomorrow will be one of the hardest mornings of my life. Tomorrow, my last baby has her first day of preschool. I have already summonsed the troops. The Big Guy is taking a vacation day. When Ella started preschool, Abs held my hand and we spent the morning together, trolling the aisles of the grocery store keeping ourselves occupied until we could pick Ella up from school. Abs had spent that morning screaming down the hallways of the school, as I pulled her away kicking and screaming “ELLA!!” Tomorrow, that will be the Big Guy’s job but this time it will be me who is kicking and screaming, raging against my baby growing up..crumpling to the floor in a pool of snot and tears. I only hope that I can hold the tears at bay until I am securely out of Abs’ line of sight. God, how I love this kid. She is my heart and soul. She is my happiness.

first day of preschool

How did you deal with the letting go? Does it ever get easier? I am so dreading college that I feel like I could vomit at the very thought of it. What helps you get over that missing my baby hump? Or worse, how do I get over this giant lump in my throat? Every time I think of dropping her off tomorrow morning, my eyes begin to fill up and I just know if I try to speak…I will cry. I’ll need you ladies tomorrow to metaphorically get me through the first of many letting goes of my last baby. How did you deal with the first day of preschool?

My last baby, First Day of Preschool Blues

Comments (18)

Oh sweet babies getting bigger. Sob, sniffle. I’ll hold your hand, you hold mine- deal? XO

You’ve got a deal lady. Is yours starting tomorrow too? WE can be sad and cry together. WE’ll meet on Twitter. THis letting go shit is for the birds. Can’t they just stay little forever? XOXO

Today, I am so completely parallel to you. My baby is preschool and I am lost.
Xoxoxo

I am dreading tomorrow so much.I know you know exactly what I mean. My heart is breaking. I just want to keep them little forever. It was hard with my older daughter, it was monumentally hard because she was my first. I didn’t think it could be harder but I am learning that with my last, it is even more so than I thought possible. *hugs mama**

Her eyes!!! OMG. Beautiful! Today was Blake’s first day but he had so much fun, he didn’t want to leave!

Thanks. Awww, glad to hear that Blake is loving preschool. My daughter is really excited,I am the one who is sad. Here’s hoping she’s not sad tomorrow. I will keep my composure until I leave the building then all bets are off. Let the ugly crying begin.I need a mid morning #Wineparty :)LOL

*Hugs* momma! I’ve been there. I hate letting go and my kids are now 7 and 9. The first days of school are alwys hard for me. I sobbed every time!

I know, I get nervous and nauseous the night before…just like when I was going to school myself. It’s so hard letting go. I will probably cry every first say of school from now until they graduate…med school:)LOL

I cried last Tuesday when JDaniel stared preschool too.

Hugs mama! I wish I didn’t get so sappy and see a reel of their entire life every time they have a milestone. It really is hard on my heart:) I guess that’s the price we pay for loving these little monkeys so much..the hurting of letting them grow up.

This is so beautiful, Debi! And I really needed to read something like this today. My child has been absolutely horrid lately. Today I was in tears she was so awful. And I thought to myself how I would welcome the day she goes to preschool. But I know when it really comes I will feel like you. Good luck. Sending you a big hug to help you get through it!

Thanks for the hug and cherish every moment because they are fleeting.I KNOW its sometimes hard when you are in the throes of the crazy meltdowns and obstinate behavior but if you can step outside of it and remember what it’s all about…the big picture…the perspective will change greatly. Savor the crazy mama…with lots of deep breaths. *hugs*

Awww sweet girl! I hope you are ok! I absolutely love that first pic of you girls. So precious.

Thanks mama! It’s my favorite too. I can’t believe how hard this is.Harder than I ever anticipated:(

Awww…this is such a sweet tribute to your daughter! And holy cow, her eyes are GORGEOUS!!!

My baby is only 15 months old and I’m definitely soaking up the time since I know it will go too fast! Not sure how I will react when he goes to preschool the first time.

Big hugs to you mama!

It does go to fast. Too, too fast. Savor every minute with your baby, even when you feel like they have you at your wits end and you don;t knwo how you can possibly take another moment of the crazy. You will miss those moments when they are gone:(

Letting Go~ The Hardest Part is the First Step of Walking Away

[…] the tears didn’t make their way to the surface and splash out of my lids revealing my secret. I knew this would be difficult but I hadn’t anticipated the magnitude of the hurt. […]

[…] all too well. There was a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach and it wasn’t the typical first day of school mommy blues that we all get but it was definitely not […]

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