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The TRUTH About Motherhood

Category: Mommy Truisms

  • Letting Go ~ The Hardest Part is the First Step of Walking Away

    Letting Go ~ The Hardest Part is the First Step of Walking Away

    Letting go and giving up are two things that do not come easily to me. I am not built that way, especially where my girls are concerned. Yes, I give in to them almost on a daily basis but I’m talking about giving into the belief that they are not capable of anything they want or set their minds to. The letting go, I will never get any better at the letting go. But the two seem to go hand in hand.

    In order for them to build confidence in themselves to know they can be and do anything, I have to remove the training wheels from the situation. The training wheels would be me. The letting go is painful. For me, letting go is the hardest part of parenting. I have proof of this, as I sat in my car in the parking lot of the preschool this morning and cried as the rain poured down all around me. It’s as if heaven itself was heartbroken or maybe that was just me.

    READ ALSO: Kindergarten, the beginning of the end

    It physically hurts my heart to walk away from my children. I now know that I could never home school because if I did when they left for college, the letting go would literally kill me. I’d be dead on the spot. I need these tiny occasions of letting go to prep me for the big ones, like college and marriage. We raise our children to leave us. This is the earmark of a good parent. The pain and guilt we feel when we leave our babies behind or don’t measure up to our impossible standards of parenting are a true sign of a good parent.

     

    letting go, growing up, back-to-school
    It’s all fun and games…

     Letting go may look easy from the outside

    This morning, Gabs woke up and practically sprung from the bed, but only after doing a little horizontal happy dance while screaming ” It’s my first day of COOL!” (she still has problems with those S’ but how I love her little baby talk. I savor it like fine wine.) This same morning the lump in my throat was so big, I thought it would choke me to death. We did our mandatory photo ops and the first day of school breakfast. After a pep talk from her big sis, Gabs was waiting with her coat and backpack on, 20 minutes before we had to leave the house.

    READ ALSO: All Dogs go to Heaven and all kid go to Kindergarten

    The Big Guy drove to drop off as I sat in introspective silence. My heart was tearing away from my chest in slow painful beats. The girls were giggling and excitedly talking a million miles a minute. My heart was swelling with pride in their independence. My head was spinning and it was everything I could do not to blink, so the tears didn’t make their way to the surface and splash out of my lids revealing my secret. I knew this would be difficult but I hadn’t anticipated the magnitude of the hurt.

     

    letting go, walking away, preschool
    ..Until….

    but letting go of your baby is the most difficult thing you will ever do

    I made idle chit chat with the other parents to try and find some repose from the pain that the lump in my throat was causing in my heart. My words were met with the nervous laughter of mothers about to lose their shit and collapse into collective pools of snot and tears, just beyond the preschool door. I busied myself snapping photos to commemorate the momentous occasion but that damn lump in my throat just kept growing and growing. It was so big that I felt as if it would swallow me whole at any moment.

    READ ALSO: Letting Go Hurts like Mother

    I stood there watching the whole thing take place but I was helplessly paralyzed. I wanted to run to her and scoop her up and take her home with me but I couldn’t. I had to walk away. I have a firm, never let them see me cry when dropping them off policy. I can’t. If I do, they will feel unsafe. They will wonder ” Where the hell ( yes, I am sure my kids curse in their own minds) is she leaving me? Is she coming back? Why’s she crying? It must be dangerous! Mommy! Come back!I’ll be good!!!”

    The Big Guy was the one to make the decision that it was time to leave. Someone had to force me, I’m sure if he hadn’t I would have stood there frozen like a heartbroken statue for the rest of the day. I won’t lie. I was angry that he was making me leave. Who the hell did he think he was? This. is. MY.BABY!! I watched as he walked over to her and gently hugged and kissed her goodbye, with an “I love you” and “We’ll be back soon.” My eyes were stinging. I snapped photos.

    READ ALSO: The First Day of High School was Harder than the Kindergarten

    Then I swallowed hard, took a deep breath and held my baby girl in my arms before I left her for the very first time. I gave her a thousand kisses and told her how proud I was of her, how much fun she would have and how much I loved her. Then I turned and as if in slow motion, walked away, looking back over my shoulder to drink in the face of my beautiful little girl. I was blinded by the tears that were filling my vision.

    She looked unsure but excited, as I suspect we all look at those very important days of our lives… first days, your wedding day, the day you give birth to your own child. Beginnings are exciting, goodbyes are sad but the in-between is where all the living takes place. I swallowed harder than I’ve ever swallowed before to hold back that gargantuan lump in my throat, for fear that the next breath could bring a flood of tears and Mommy blubbering.

    letting go, growing up, back-to-school, daddies, daughters

    Letting Go ~The Hardest Part is the First Step of Walking Away

     

  • Play Dates ~ You just might be an A**hole

    Play Dates ~ You just might be an A**hole

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    Play Dates
    Photo Playdation

    Play Dates please! I can’t believe it’s been six years since the birth of my first child, that means I have been doing this play date thing for about the last 5 years and 3 months ( give or take). I know, we were late to the scene. What can I say I was a newbie and had no idea what I was doing. Three moves later and I am still the new girl, ergo so are my girls. When they were smaller, I felt it was my duty to find prospective dates for my girls. I signed us up for a couple of the “it” classes that are imperative for childhood development at that age. It’s hard work but if I want them to be any kind of anybody when they grow up, I needed to put myself out there. I’d hate for them to grow up to be hermits or serial killers because I was too lazy to enroll in a damn Gymboree class. It really is the little things, folks.

    Play Dates are not for the Weak

    It basically worked like this, I’d go to our classes and cast my potential friend net far and wide. I’d try and gauge from the brief encounters with the other mothers and the public interactions of those Mommies with their children, who just might be worthy of our friendship, or at the very least, which other Mommies were on “my” level. I know, it sounds horrible when you say it out loud but let’s be honest, nobody want to be friends with the one eyed, mean mom whose kid barks like a dog and bites everyone. This casting the friend net scenario is very akin to freshman year in college. We all did it.Some of us cast the net, some of us were caught and all of us threw some back. You are scared, alone, new to the area and willing to befriend and accept just about anyone into your “clique”. Let’s be clear, you’ve got to start a clique so that you can be a part of something. We have a need to belong to the best clique (for our children’s sake) but we end up so desperate that we’ll have a play date with just about anyone who’ll have us; provided they walk upright,have two eyes and their kid doesn’t bark and bite everyone. That is until we get our bearings and regain our senses.

    Play Dates the hard TRUTH

    In most cases, the original play date relationship dynamic falls apart and ends in a tortured long death…much like a Kevin Bacon movie ( or this post..I knew you were thinking it). You see, the original net we cast to catch that elusive play date friend usually has a lot of throw backs. Just like freshman year, we find ourselves floundering to unmake the original friendships because we find that we have absolutely nothing in common, except for our one common denominator, said children. Common sense rears its ugly head to smack us upside our fantasy, a warm body is not enough to sustain a real friendship but it can foster a false sense of belonging. The things we’ll subject ourselves to in order to feel accepted. I don’t know why we do this, especially as Mommies, we are dragging our poor children into this pit under the guise that “this is what’s best for my baby”. In our hearts, we mean only good and can never, at its inception, perceive or fathom what twilight zone like situations we may soon find ourselves in!That’s right, I even cast my net and caught that mean one-eyed mommy and my kid may or may not have been barked at and bitten.Don’t judge. Its hard being a Mommy. It’s damn lonely at the top.

    Of course, I’ve been doing this for years now.I’m a play date pro but my babies are not babies anymore. It’s turning from a situation in which my girls and I go over and hang out with another Mommy and her little ones into a situation where I’m the babysitter for some kid who wants to come over and play. Which I have absolutley no problem with, no way I’m sending my kid over to the kid’s house who thinks he’s a dog without my supervision. But, as I said, we are the new girls again. Where’s that leave me? I need friends too. Oh well, I guess it’s time for Mama to start trolling the coffee houses for my own friends. Zumba class? The library? The grocery store? Church? PTA? What can I say, deperate times, desperate measures. You better keep an eye out, you just might see me trolling the local farmers market trying to chat up some new mommy. What do you do to make friends once Play Dates are no longer an option? How do you get Mommy Play Dates when your kids no linger need a fix up and you are home all day?

    Mommy needs Play Dates Too

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  • Back-to-School Truisms

    Back-to-School Truisms

    Back-to-School ; it’s the most wonderful or awful time of year (depending on how old your children are) again.

    Back-to-School

    • Purchasing all the items on the school supply list is like a going scavenger hunt for the holy educational grail. It’s exhausting, exasperating and you will most likely not find the last item on the list.
    • Abruptly dragging kids off the beach to go school clothes shopping is like trying to take a carb starved model away from cake.
    • Trying to wake a kid ( who’s been sleeping in all summer) for school is like trying to lose ten pounds on the chocolate shake diet.

    Back-to-School Truisms

    • Shopping for school uniforms is about as exciting as watching paint dry, for all parties involved.
    • Walking away from your child on the first day of kindergarten is emotionally harder than 13 hours of transition labor.
    • Lunches, do yourself a favor and invest in a bento box, one of those cooling Packit lunch boxes and make lunch for your kid. What they let pass for a healthy lunch these days are NOT what any Mommy in her right senses would consider “nutritious”. A bread stick, grapes and something fried…does not a healthy lunch make.

    • The first time you leave your child with strangers (school, ballet, child care) you will cry and feel overwhelming guilt. You are not a bad Mommy. Guilt is the benchmark of a great Mommy.
    • For the younger sibling of a kindergartener, every morning is like sending the kindergartener off to war and every pick up is like the return from the war…safe and victorious.
    • NOT allowing your child to go on a field trip with 47 five year olds, 2 teachers and no chaperones is not only a good idea, it’s pretty much required for safety.

    Back-to-School;Back to letting go

    • Watching your child struggle in social situations is like watching them try to learn how to walk for the first time. You stand back, see what happens and then you give them gentle nudges in the right direction,if all else fails, you grab them by the hands and show them how it’s done.
    • In all things concerning your child’s well being, trust your mommy gut. It’s not there just for decoration.
    • The first week of school will be exhausting, overwhelming and frustrating. It won’t be a picnic for the kids either.
    • You will take three trips to seven different stores to find that just right sized pair of uniform pants that fit perfectly and don’t look to “uniformy”, only to find out that they are $200 vintage khaki’s that were worn by Marcia Brady on an episode of the Brady Bunch and you can’t afford them anyways.
    • First day of drop off, you can be sure that some uber Mommy will walk right up to you , call you by your name and talk to you like she’s known you forever while you stand there speechless because your brain is fried from the summer sun and you have NO idea who the hell she is..
    • Seeking absolution from your drop off faux pas, you will feel the need to step up your Mommying game.This can cause you to do something foolish, like volunteer for several different committees. DO not do this.Your guilt will pass but those committees will expect you to show up.
    • Back-to-school is more than checklists, new clothes and a new school year. Back-to-school is letting go and growing up. More often than not, Back-to-School will leave you in a pool of snot and tears.

    Back-to-School

  • Birth Control, Smirth Control ~ Who’s up for a game of Reproduction Roulette?

    Birth Control, Smirth Control ~ Who’s up for a game of Reproduction Roulette?

    Birth Control, Smirth Control! What a Friday it’s been. My boobs are sore, I’m so freaking irritable that my mom offered up one of her precious panic attack halting Xanax,I’m exhausted and annoyed and craving fruit like it’s crack and I’m Whitney Houston. But for some reason, my Mom is hell bent on asking me..”Are you pregnant?” This only further irritates me. Hell really hath no fury like a woman on the verge of menstruating.

    “No,Mom! It’s that time of month…why else are you throwing Xanax at me?”

    But then I started thinking, as I do every single month, because I like to play russian roulette with my reproduction…am I pregnant?

    birth control

    Birth Control

    Due to the stress of my life, after many years of EVERY kind of birth control under the sun, I gave up birth control almost 2 years ago. I’ve tried various pills, the patch ( that left a crusty bandaid rash..Ooh so sexxy), the Nuva ring ( which slipped out with increased cervical fluid, effectively defeating its entire purpose), vaginal inserts coupled with condoms ( why yes, it is very attractive when my vagina was frothing like a rabid dog. Why no? My vagina does not have a hangover and I did not insert an alka seltzer into my vagina for this occasion.) Hell, there was even a day in there where I considered getting an IUD (desperate times, desperate measures, my friends.) So when my doctor told me that I’d have to relinquish and go to a natural method, let’s just say I not so much gave it up as had it pryed from my cold dead hands by my gynecologist. Apparently, when you are over 35 and crazy stressed, birth control pills can cause you to stroke out or some shit like that. Well, you know what else can make a woman over 35 stroke out? A surprise baby!

     

    Every single month, I spend a good 3 days wondering…”Am I pregnant?” It’s really not ever a possibility because between “other” forms of birth control, abstinence, knowing my ovulation, only seeing my husband on the weekends and being prone to exhaustion and migraines…it’s more of an irrational fear. But still, every month it’s the same thing. 1 day of  wondering where the hell my period is? 1 day of thinking,Oh my God, maybe this could be the illusive little boy ( our unicorn). And the 3rd day, praying to God that I’m not pregnant.Then like magic, with a choir of angels singing in the background, I am visited by the gift of eve.

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    Birth control
    Michal Zacharzewski, www.sxc.hu.

    Birth Control

    Why do I do this to myself? Maybe it’s that 2.5 dream that’s been beaten into my head since I was a child. Maybe I really do want another kid? Nah, I think I just like having the option and I’ve always liked living my life on the edge. Keeps things interesting. The smell of a friend’s newborn is all it takes for me to develop a sudden onset of amnesia. Luckily, my girls snap me out of it by throwing an epic bedtime tantrum, reminding me that I’m STILL wiping asses and co-sleeping. Worse still I’ve lost half my hair from stress and my mom won’t be around to supply me with Xanax after the summer break.

    Birth Control

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  • First Haircut~Self-Inflicted Edition

    First Haircut~Self-Inflicted Edition

    The First haircut is the Deepest~ this is an understatement of epic proportions. My Gabs was born with a thick head full of curly jet black hair. In fact, when she came into the world and was placed into my arms I teetered on sanity between laughing hysterically at those beautiful ringlets and crying from absolute joy and relief. I’m sure that I appeared a but Dr.Jeckyll/Mrs.Hyde but it was what it was. Gabs is my little Rapunzel , that glorious hair of hers  has always knotted flowed down her little back at about half the size of her entire being. Obviously, her hair has lightened up and those jet black ringlets are now much straighter but one fact has always remained, her hair has always been thick and long.

    Imagine my surprise at bedtime last Thursday when as I was rounding the girls  up and tucking them in, I spied a rather large chunk of hair…on the floor. Both girls have exactly the same color and they both have really long hair, almost to their waist. Immediately, I embark on the task of discovering who is the scissor wielding culprit and who the unsuspecting victim are in the scenario. Both girls emphatically deny that the hair on the floor belongs to them or that they even have any knowledge of what has occurred. Apparently, they didn’t realize the fact that I my 20/20 vision and 147 IQ would tell me otherwise. Perhaps they have me confused with someone more oblivious, perhaps the Big Guy.

    It only took me a minute or two to realize that Gabs was the victim. I must confess that it was not as conspicuous as I would have thought from the ever mounting copious amounts of hair I found strewn about the floors, in room after room. In fact, I began to wonder if I had another child who I had misplaced.

    And so the interrogation began. I was certain Bella must have talked her little sister into it. But after much begging and crying ( on the part of all parties involved) and perhaps under the threat of Mommy shaving all hair off of both girls..a confession was elicited. Perhaps not admissible in court, but damn it…Mommy caught her culprit hair in hand…or I should say in the bathroom wastebasket as it were,and the kids scissors used in the crime were hidden carefully on the bookshelf between two books. I believe it was the children’s bible and Tangled. Suspicious, I think so. And guess who it was?

    It was my 4 year old, who decided to butcher her own hair. When I asked her “WHY Gabs??????”

    Gabs:”Me don’t know. Something just got in my head and I did it!”

    I must say I am a little bit afraid of what might come in her head next ( or off her head as the case may be). I’ve always said that she is my forgiveness baby. She NEVER asks for permission but spends a lot of time asking for  forgiveness. So, she started Thursday morning with loads of hair half way down her back and ended it with this!

    The first (hair)cut is the deepest, childs first hair cut

    I had to cut it this short in order to try and camouflage some of the damage she did. At least now, my baby doesn’t look like she has mange.

  • Motherhood~ Misery peppered with Moments of Profound Bliss

    Motherhood~ Misery peppered with Moments of Profound Bliss

    Today, reaffirmed my definition of motherhood…Misery peppered with moments of profound Bliss. It was Mother’s Day and my husband and the girls agreed to let me sleep in.*Bliss.

    motherhood~misery peppered with moments of profound bliss

    I woke up at 8 am when the Big Guy walked into our bedroom, apparently the girls had woken up 3 times during the night and refused to bother me because it was Mother’s Day. So, the Big Guy was up all night with them, fell asleep at the end of their full sized bed curled up like a little dog. The exception being that he is not a tiny dog, he is a full grown, 6’5″ man. Can you say crick in the neck. He laid down, I woke up. He slept in til 1o and I got to listen to the girls fight over the 1 Barbie because the other 107 Barbies were not the ONE they both wanted to play with.*Misery

    motherhood~misery peppered with moments of profound bliss

    While he was sleeping in, I called my own Mom to wish her a happy Mother’s Day. The Big Guy woke up & decided to make my favorite breakfast, only the waffle maker is packed, we were out of the regular pancake mix and the kids nabbed all the bacon*misery But after he woke up, I walked into the kitchen and he had coffee made for me, just the way I like it.*Bliss

    motherhood~misery peppered with moments of profound bliss

    We’re having a showing next weekend so the yard needed to be mowed.My husband told me that I needed to take “pride” in my garden and go out there and pull the weeds *Effing misery (Mother’s DAY!!!) Homemade jewelry from the girls, accompanied by a list of all my great qualities and a hand drawn picture of how they see me and loads of kisses and hugs through out the day! *Bliss

    motherhood~misery peppered with moments of profound bliss

    Trying to brush Gabi’s hair after a long night of tossing and turning and her telling me 27 times that she hated me (ON MOTHER”S DAY) *Misery
    motherhood~misery peppered with moments of profound bliss

    motherhood~misery peppered with moments of profound bliss

    A beautiful rose gold ring with a 2 carat amethyst surrounded by chocolate diamonds *Bliss
    www.motherhoodthetruth.com, Misery peppered with moments of profound bliss

    The Big Guy making a dinner of filet Mignon with mushrooms, lobster tail with butter sauce, fresh asparagus, and panzanella salad while I got to catch up on my DVRd shows *Bliss

    motherhood~misery peppered with moments of profound bliss

    The Big Guy having to leave Sunday night, leaving me with 2 sad little girls who cried for 3 hours straight, a sink full of dinner dishes and a dirty house that has to be shown in 4 days *Misery

    Maybe I had it backwards, Motherhood~Bliss peppered with moments of profound misery!

    Also, my official 2nd blog anniversary was Saturday and I almost missed it because we were celebrating the Big Guy’s birthday but never fear, I celebrated with a glass of Pinto Grigio and a sliver of Coconut cream pie!Do I know how to party or what? Hope you will all help me continue celebrating by stopping by and enjoying some of the amazing bloggers that will guest posting this month.

     

    Today, I am hosting the Mother’s Day May Blog Tour 2011! Instead of celebrating moms for just one day this month, we’re celebrating them all month long with a blog tour! There are some really amazing bloggers on this thing, so be sure and follow along. Tomorrow’s featured blogger on the tour is Ani.

  • I’m at MommyNaniBooBoo & the ORIGINAL Mommy Truisms

    I  have the pleasure of guest posting over at MommyNaniBooBoo today. I’m sure most of you know Jenni but if you don’t you should really check her out. She is the perfect mix of sweet and snark, she’s sweetly snarkilicious and funny as all get out. She is my must read and she has allowed me to grace her page.

    Please go check out my post today One is like One but two is Like Ten and leave some love! Meanwhile, I am leaving you with the original Mommy Truisms Post which posted on April 21, 2010. Hope you enjoy.

     

    This is something new that I thought I’d share. It is my list of Mommy truisms. I will post a few today and then  let them trickle in as they come to me from here on out. Happy Mothering!

       

    • No matter how beautiful/adorable your child is~ they are 100 times cuter when they are asleep.
    • Spit up is not an allowable accessory to any outfit, but as another Mommy I will let it slide because it is better than some of the alternatives i.e poop. pee. full on vomit, etc.
       

    • Modesty is a thing of the past! When in labor with my first, I was so embarrassed because my belly was so enormous that the gown didn’t cover my ass.Now after never peeing, pooping, waxing, shaving, showering, changing a feminine product alone, and a myriad of other so called ‘private’ things that I ‘share’ with my children due to lack of privacy…that modesty has passed. 
    • Mom’s who work outside of the home are brave, courageous, and strong.
    • Mom’s who stay home are braver, slightly crazy, extremely courageous, and in desperate need of a night out and some adult conversation.
    • Waking a sleeping child is like waking a sleeping bear; JUST DON”T DO IT!!!!
    • With the right motivation, Daddies are underrated and capable and willing to do so much more than we want to admit or allow them to do.

     

    These are my truisms for today. What are yours? I’d love to hear them!

  • Mommy Truisims ~ Moving Edition

    Mommy Truisims ~ Moving Edition

    Mommy Truisms; Moving Edition ~I’ve learned some hard truisms over the span of my short tour of duty Mommying, thus far. But have recently been bitch slap reminded of a few truisms that I had tried to forget. Moving/Selling a house is never fun.I’ve had the pleasure of moving 3 times since my Ella was born in 2005. If you’ve ever done the frequent moving thing before, you can attest to the fact that I am not stretching the truth when I say it’s as trying as walking up hill in the blistering sun, only to have 1 step up be 2 steps back and you can NOT quit. Frustration is the understatement of a lifetime. So, here I will share a few moving truisms that may be helpful, in the very least amusing at my expense.

    Moving, Mommy Truisms

    Moving Edition

    • If perpetual cleaning is your idea of a good time and you have small children, you should put your house on the market immediately.Like right this moment. Seriously!
    • While packing, you will “hide” put so many things up away from children, that you may as well kiss them goodbye because most likely they are in the home sellers Bermuda triangle. Rest assured, they will NEVER resurface ( case in point, the Vivitar digital cameras I bought the girls for Christmas 2009. Where are they?I don’t know.Oh ,yeah…BERMUDA FRICKING TRIANGLE.)
    • Apparently, leaving your “Nads” in your sink drawer is a bad idea. No one wants to by a house from a monkey woman.Go figure. This also applies to your medicines. Nobody wants to know your flavor of sick or crazy. Turn those labels around or throw them in your purse on the way out.
    • If you have “personal” items requiring batteries, a plastic tote is not the best storage spot for it unless you like inappropriate smiles from your realtor. Also, if you “hide” it under the bed, be sure to remember to “find” it before the movers do. Also, come on, you should know better you have kids:)
    • Shitty diapers left in the garbage do not a house sell. Don’t test this one. Just take my word for it.
    • If your house went on the market in the middle of blizzard weather and on the day  you have a showing scheduled it is unseasonably warm, melting all the snow  in your yard, it is mandatory that you spend the 3 hours previous to viewers arrival cleaning up and disposing of any and all dog shit mine fields that have been revealed.
    • There is nothing more fun than packing up 2/3rds of your children’s toys and stacking in the garage. Oh wait, yes there is. That would be your children knowing they are there and whining for them on the regular…daily.
    • When people view a house, they DON’T want to know that children or dogs have ever soiled your house. Hide all evidence of children and family pets.

    Mommy Truisms ~ Moving is Hardwork

    • The most angelic and well-behaved children will turn into Tazmanian devils and dirt monsters when faced with a pristine house.
    • Trying to keep your house clean for showings while living with rambunctious preschoolers is as futile as trying to stay on a diet in a house made of chocolate cake, held together by frosting. It is equally as frustrating.
    • Showings will most likely ALWAYS be scheduled at your child’s bed time and if they are sick, showing frequency will certainly increase.
    • Finding something to do with overtired little ones, at their bed time, is a lot more difficult than it should be or you would ever imagine. Unless of course you are partial to whining, crying & over reactions…which I am not.
    • Convincing a 5 year old to move and leave her school and friends is so much easier once you wear them down and they have hit their limit of missing their daddy.12 months..FTW!!
    • When moving, sometimes you have to endure some negotiations with your children in the name of the greater good. For example, you don’t want to leave the house you were born in? I’ll buy you bunk beds…at the new house. You don’t want me to pack your toys up? I’ll buy you a trampoline when we get the new house. You want to be a Tazmanian devil and sweep through the house like a monsoon leaving death and destruction in your wake? I will build you a treehouse at the new house. Damn, I sure hope the new house has a big bag of money buried in the backyard.
    • Baking cookies to give the house a “comfortable/inviting” smell is great as long as you don’t get distracted by your 1 year old who you spy out the corner of your eye about to leap from the coffee table to the ottoman. Burnt cookies…not so inviting a smell. Also, cooking bacon for breakfast the day of a showing…not such a great idea either. You’ve been warned.

    Moving is Near Impossible with children

    These are just a few. There are many, many more. What have you learned about yourself and your children while moving or trying to sell a house?

     

     

     

  • Mommy Truisms:Too Blessed to be Stressed Holiday Edition

    It’s a special time of year for us Mommies and so I thought I should share a special set of Mommy truisms. Hope this adds to your holiday enjoyment! Merry Christmas!

    • If your half asleep child wakes up in the middle of the night and you are caught red-handed wrapping “Santa” gifts, its better to gently walk said half asleep kid back to bed versus assuming they saw anything and telling them “Now that you know there’s no Santa….”.Believe me you can’t unring that bell.
    • If you decide to make the elf on the shelf a part of your family tradition and tell your kids that the elves have magical powers of teleportation, its best not to get caught red-handed removing the elf from your luggage at the in laws house. Again, it’s mighty hard to explain your way out of that mess.
    • Speaking of explaining your way out of a mess, if you accidentally use a term that you don’t want your kids to know anything about, do NOT try to make up an explanation on the fly.It will end badly. For example, telling your kid that the “Boogie Monster is like the Cookie Monster but sucks the boogies out of sleeping children’s noses” does not a situation better make.Just shut your mouth and pretend you said nothing.
    • When your littles are bugging the ever loving crap out of you wanting to make Christmas crafts, Christmas Cookies, or sing Christmas songs and you are running yourself crazy trying to make it the best Christmas ever..stop, take a deep breath and remember what its all for and about.It can’t be perfect if you are annoyed with the very little people that you are trying to make it perfect for. Forget about the to do list and give those littles a little Christmas….NOW!
    • Don’t drive yourself insane searching for the perfect gift.Don’t do it. For the little ones it will change on a daily basis.Use your best judgment and give with your heart.Christmas morning is about smiles and togetherness.If you are there in the moment with them and the love is flowing,it will be the best Christmas ever.
    • If you don’t heed the previous warning, as I may or may not have in the past, you may find yourself crying at the end of Christmas morning because the Fancy Nancy book that you ordered special, the easel from France, or the freaking $100 chair you bought them (that you KNEW was going to be perfect) is met with a “why the hell did she buy me this” look.
    • Christmas, like life, is what you make of it. It’s not about how much money or how many gifts you give.It’s about the passion with which you celebrate. Do you want your littles to think the season is about money and material things or about the spirit of love, a sacred religious celebration, and spending time with those you love? Remember, we are teaching them what it’s all about.
    • Don’t assume every gift your little one wants comes from a store.Sometimes the most meaningful gift a parent can give their child is attention, a warm cuddle, a nose kiss, time together, lap snuggles, bed time stories, and REALLY listening to what your littles are actually saying. The smile these things bring is genuine and worth everything.
    • When you are buried up to your eyeballs in snow and and it looks like you are living in a snow globe, and the kids keep begging to go outside, sometimes the best thing you can do is throw on all your layers, go outside and have a snowball fight for 15 minutes. These are the moments that memories are made of, why make the memory be of you saying no.Make the memory be, my Mommy was so cool she stopped the world and played with me in the snow.
    • Christmas eve may be about traditions and Santa but Christmas morning is about presents and a big breakfast.
    • Stress and worry are the only Mommy emotions less valuable than guilt. Don’t do it!
    • When all else fails, coffee and wine will get you through the holidays!

    Happy Holidays to each and every one of you. I hope that you have a wonderfully fabulous day basking in the glow of your families love. Kiss those littles, tell your Big Guy how much he means to you, and know that you are a great Mommy and wife.Merry Christmas, my friends.

    This song is Christmas to me.

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  • Mommy Truisms; The Trust Your Gut Edition

    It’s been awhile since I’ve posted any of my truisms so I may have went overboard. Of course, they are all true and we all need to know that we are not alone in this crazy ride we call Motherhood. So, hang on to your cute little crocheted hats ladies…it’s going to be an exciting and bumpy ride!Happy Mothering!

    • No matter how much you spin, Turbo Jam,  or Zumba your body will never go back exactly the way it was before babies. It may be just as good but it is changed forever.
    • If you’ve given birth, you WILL pee just a little if you sneeze or laugh too hard. Expect it. If you don’t like it…Kegel it and/or get yourself some Mommy type pantie liners.You can not prevent this from happening, no more than you can prevent your stomach getting large when pregnant.
    • Once you have a child, you will NEVER get enough sleep again…ever..for the rest of your life!
    • Children can live on cheeze-its, string cheese and apples alone. I call it the connoisseur in training program. Add some grape juice to that combo and you are raising a child with a discerning palette.
    • Stretch marks are not sexy…to anybody.Anybody who tells you they are is either a) a liar b) a liar or c) really desperate for sex and totally in love with you for giving birth to their big headed child:)
    • If you ask your child a question and they a)smile…just a little bit ( more of a grin really) b)look away and say “I don’t know” or “No” c) if they blush even the slightest whilst avoiding eye contact and  grinning; they are lying to you.
    • Kids can be unintentionally cruel because half the time they know not the meaning of the words they are using, so always remember to take any insults they hurl at you with a grain salt.I realize it still hurts your heart but they DON’T mean it! If they did, I would have already thrown myself in the river as many times as my 3 year old has told me “Mommy, me hate you!”, today alone.
    • There is NOTHING, absolutely nothing, in the entire world that is sweeter than a two little arms hugging your neck and telling you “Mommy, you are the best Mommy in the whole wide world!”Of course, their world usually only includes your house…but hey, its nice to be queen:)
    • NEVER underestimate the power of a good Mommy friend, no Mommy is an island. You need her more than you know. When you find a real one, put yourself into her loving hands. She could possibly save your life.
    • When your little girl has her first crush and the little boy’s Mom informs you that they will be attending the Nutcracker solely to see your daughter perform ( because the little boy has demanded it) try not to flash forward to her wedding and tear up.They really do grow up too fast, don’t relinquish one moment of their childhood..in your head or otherwise.
    • Some days, you may feel isolated, overwhelmed, exhausted and like you have completely lost your mind..you probably have but take solace in the fact that there are many more of us out there like you than you think or could possibly know.
    • There will be a time in your Mommy life when you are on the fence whether you want another baby or not, when that happens and your ovaries start twitching and your uterus begging for a tenant, take a minute and think it over honestly. Remember, all the long sleepless nights, breastfeeding issues, explosive diarrhea diapers and then ask yourself… do I still want to go through that again?If the answer is yes or I don’t mind…Go for it!  ( well, after consulting your spouse of course:)
    • There is nothing more cute than a 5 year old and a 3 year old in their new dresses at a tea party, and nothing as lovely as the excitement and wonderment in their eyes when they watch the Nutcracker ( or anything to do with Christmas for that matter) ballet for the first time.
    • As a mother, sometimes you will have to say, do things, be friends with people you don’t like for your children’s best interest..learn it, live it, love it!
    • It is your right as the Mommy to refuse to let your child go on a field trip that has no chaperones, two teachers and 47 kids.Do not buckle under peer pressure. It’s your child; it’s your decision..final answer!
    • In all things concerning your child’s well being, trust your gut.It’ s not just there for show, its there for a reason.
    • There is something unresistably precious about a half asleep baby stumbling out of bed and climbing up into your life( Freudian slip) lap and cuddling (even if it is 10:30 and you’re trying to write a post) let them. Savor the moment. Kiss the top of their head and bask in their cuddles.Soon, they will outgrow your lap.