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The TRUTH About Motherhood

Category: Personal

  • Truthful Tuesday, April 13,2010

    Here we go again! I don’t know about you, but I need to expel some baggage. It’s Tuesday and this week is blowing already.
    First, I am a bit irrate at the fact that spell check had disappeared from blogger. Look, blogger, I love you but I ‘spell check’ for a living, I don’t want to have to do it in my leisure! Give me back my spell check!
    Second, I am not digging the dream part of sleep (refer to previous post). I love sleep, but sleep is not my friend. Normally, she illudes me and flees into the night and I can seldom catch her. When I do catch her, I’d prefer she not be wrought with insanities and riddled with threats. Bad sleep! Me no likey!
    Third, still annoyed with the whole  “out of town” gig my husband has. Completely happy we can feed our children, pay our bills, and live like normal people (well normal people who don’t see each other 5 days a week). But certainly not loving the fact that I am alone in my chaos, this isn’t what I signed up for. I didn’t get married to be alone, and especially not to raise our kids alone. Not fair!
    Fourth, frusturated that there is not enough time in the day, the week, the year…to get done what I need to get done on a daily basis. You try to do something nice, raise a family, make a home, be a good wife,stay healthy, have friends, engage your children, work, use your mind, but apparently…you are only allowed to choose 3 things off the list, there is no time for the rest. Make your choices ladies!
    OK, I will stop now. I could go on but I will save some for next week:) Happy Mothering!

    Oh yeah, one more thing, I HATE when my coffee goes cold while I’m trying to type a posts!ARGH! I’m done now:) I promise.

  • Help, I’ve fallen….

    OK, well maybe I haven’t quite fallen off the Weight Watchers wagon but I am definitely falling. I started this journey about 6 months ago. I had hit the reset button on my  life and was doing really well. I lost 25 lbs in the first 3 months and that is no small feat, especially for a woman in her mid thirties with two small girls. But then a lot of life happened to me and the loss stalled. Problem is its been stalled for about 3 months. I still go get weighed ( even though it is within the same 1 lb every week) and I track my points but this plateau is holding its ground. Now, I don’t know if this is payback for having an eating disorder for 7 years of my younger life and my body is trying to punish me in my old age or if I’ve done something wrong, pissed someone off…or what. All  know is someone needs to push my slightly fat ass back up on that wagon cause I’m quickly losing my footing . Weight loss is an epic adventure no matter what age you are but throw into the mix that your time is monopolized by others who are actually life dependent on you and things get hairy. I am tying to be healthy, to be a good example for my girls…so failure is not an option. I have got to keep at this until it works. Basically, I am in this for the rest of my life. I need to refocus, reset, and restart. Here I go, pulling myself back up on that wagon…hey, that at least has to be good for my arms, right?
     

  • The Big O

    The power of the big O. No, I am not talking about an orgasm ( though that does sound pretty nice right now). I am referring to a much bigger O, I’m referring to Oprah. I am not a hater of Oprah, nor am I an avid follower. I mean I watch her show, if it’s on and I’m available, but I don’t DVR it. Anyways, I never realized the immense power she wields. She is more than just a celebrity… She is very powerful… Like a superhero. Example; on an episode the other night, in about a 2 minute segment she mentioned Geneen Roth’s book,
    Women , Food, God. I don’t know if it’s because it actually sounds good or its solely because Oprah recommended it, but I’ve been searching like crazy for this book to no avail.Oh, who am I kidding, we all know I’m stalking this book because Oprah told me to do so. In this world, if Oprah says it…we must do it…conscious or unconsciously. It’s like some crazy itch that I can’t scratch. I gotta have that book. I’ve been to all the stores in my area and the libraries. There are like 20 holds on that book. That means I wouldn’t get it until like next year! The power of the Big O.  I wish she’d tell me to sew my mouth shut and exercise some more. Finally, some advice that I could get behind. Anyways, I digress. Back to the issue at hand. I go to Barnes and Noble and customer service tells me they can’t keep it on the shelves. They asked why everyone was so interested in this book, I answered , “Because Oprah said so!” To which a choir of “oooooh”s responded to me. Now, if I could just get her to mention my blog, imagine the possibilities? Hell , I’d even sign one of her damn no texting while driving pledges:)

    If you see this book, be sure to grab it. It’s scarce and apparently mind blowing, at least that’s what Oprah says!
    -Truthful Mommy xoxo

  • Half Full?

    This just reminded me, that my glass is most certainly always half full!

  • No words necessary, it had to be said!LOL

  • Truthful Tuesdays, March 30,2010; Mommy Breakdown in Progress

    It’s Tuesday once again. Time for us to unload some of the things weighting us down in life. No judgment, just an ear to bend, a shoulder to cry on, and a helpful hand to help you up when you feel as if you have fallen in the proverbial crap of life. I missed last week, but I need to expunge today!
    Let’s start by confessing that I am a miserable sick person. When I am sick, I just want to be left alone in a dark room to sleep it all away. Just let me sleep for a week straight with nothing but liquids pushed under the door to keep me alive. I know I’ve been cranky and grouchy with the girls.Hell,I even called my husband at work 3 states away to unleash my miserableness on him. Not my proudest moment. Sorry. I even bit my brothers head off, who is visiting and helping me with my girls this week. I am truly a wench!
    I also would like to confess that it’s a little embarrassing walking around town with my little brother (who is 19) and my 2 girls because people are looking at us as if 1) he is my “boyfriend  or husband” and I am a friggin cradle robber .Ewww, gross! Or  2) I am his Mother! Which is equally as EWWWW, because it makes me feel not only old but like I was promiscuous in my early teen years, to boot. Which I don’t really care about  now except for how hard I worked to obtain that ‘Good Catholic girl’ image back then. The worst part is either way you slice it..it makes ME feel old!
    Next, this list could go on for days this week, I am about to tear my hair out with all this crap I am having to do by myself. It is making me feel overwhelmed and like I can’t accomplish anything I start, like I am a loser! I know I usually bite off more than I can chew (its the nature of the beast) but I muddle through , spread myself as thin as possible, and I get it done. That’s me!It’s how I work. But this week, for some reason, I feel like a bumbling idiot who can’t get anything done. My husband is encouraging me to eliminate some of my extracurriculars with the girls, so I don’t have a meltdown. I get insulted that he thinks I can’t do it all. WTH is going on with me? He may be right, at least this week. I’ve worn myself, metaphorically, paper thin and one wrong pull may be the one that breaks me down.
    Thank God for Truthful Tuesdays and wonderful friends.If it weren’t for your emails, phone calls, texts, comments and unconditional love and support…I’d have hit my breakdown threshold a long time ago!

  • Green Around the Gills

    Need I say more? I even look green around the gills. I absolutely hate being sick!!!! I have no time for this! But I do love my new Hipstamatic app. for my IPhone! So much fun to play around with.

  • If nobody has any objections, I believe I might be of service.

    My oldest had an appointment with a talent agency in Chicago yesterday. The whole “modeling” ball got rolling because my sweet little girl had seen Eloise goes to Hollywood  and promptly proclaimed,”Mommy, I want to be a Movie Star!” I sorta giggled to myself, because it just sounded funny to hear a 3 year old say those words. I’ve always been one to encourage my children to follow their dreams, so if that’s what she wants to be, who am I to tell her no? I am just a vehicle for her to use to achieve her goals and realize her potential, isn’t that what us Mommies do? We tell our kids that they can do and be anything, so if they actually decide to follow our advice..well, its time to put up or shut up. I never back down from a challenge, no matter how impossible the task may seem. I’d say becoming a professional actor is about as likely as becoming a paid published writer. I figured you gotta start somewhere and she’s cute, so let’s try modeling. She loves having her picture taken and I thought, an easy way to slowly move into that industry.  In Virginia, a nationally affiliated agency wanted her almost immediately and we were so excited. My daughter only appeared in 1 commercial but, hey that’s 1 more commercial then most of us,right? So,we relocate back to the Midwest and our agency in Richmond gave us a local contact in Chicago. The day of the interview, we drive downtown, both of us a little nervous. I was nervous because it was a new agency and I am hypersensitive to the fact that I can’t control what comes out of their mouth..for example; at the meeting in Virginia, I told the agent, “Look, if you are going to have any criticisms of her …those are for my ears only! Those can not, under any circumstances, be stated in front of her. You can’t unring a bell and I don’t want my 4 year old having her self esteem demolished!” There were no criticisms but my obligation is to my baby and I had to put that out there. Here we are 7 months later , right back where we started. I went in there a little anxious, to say the least. My daughter was a little overwhelmed from being in a new environment. We walk in, assess the situation ( its all very downtown). Our enthusiastically chipper  agent comes out to greet us. He escorts us back to the glass office (it felt like a fishbowl). The first question out of his mouth was, “Do you want to be a model?” “Why?” OK, wow, rapid fire for a 5 year old. She answers ,”I don’t know” (She was in full on bashful 5 year old mode..brilliant) “Do you like having your picture taken?” “Yes, I do!” and she flashes him a giant grin. Then he says, “Let’s go meet some other people,without Mommy. Mommy will stay here” In my head a plethora of questions flooded my mind , ” Why no Mommy? What’s wrong with Mommy? Where are you taking my baby? I don’t know you!” I got the feeling he didn’t like me. Then I realized he was trying to gauge whether or not I was a crazy stage Mom forcing her baby to live out Mommy’s dream. I felt slightly insulted.  When he returned, he was all smiles and giggles and announced that they would love to represent my little girl. I am assuming the jaunt away from me also served as a second opinion by another agent and also to see whether or not my daughter would freak out with me out of her sight. I was excited that they wanted to represent her but at the same time annoyed that they would think I could be a stage Mom:( I understand his concern, after all who wants a kid who is being forced to do this? I am sure there are lots of Mommies who come in there and force their kids to be in modeling/ show business (Lohans, Spears, Simpsons all come to mind) but not me! This was her idea. I am only trying to be supportive but yet, I was getting analyzed like I was a potential monster and my child was a victim of Munchhausen by proxy syndrome. I felt dirty and it took away some of the joy of the occasion. For the record, I am no crazy stage Mom…just a Mom, trying to give my children all of their little hearts desires. Maybe a crazy Mommy but I could care less if she is a model, an artist, a doctor,a  teacher, a librarian..as long as she’s happy and loves what she is doing.

  • Parting is such sweet sorrow

    As excited as I was for my husband to come home Friday night, that’s how depressed I am that he has left. They say your first year of marriage is the hardest, and I used to believe that. They also say that the year you have a child, that is a very difficult year in a marriage. Makes sense, the once again shifting of the relationship paradigm. But, that year brought us scary close to one another. It’s sorta like being in war together; you’re scared to death, you are fighting to stay alive ( or at least to be sure that you keep your child alive), and you do some growing up together. It definitely takes it to the next level. Now, we are heading towards are 11th year of marriage (yes, I married at the age of 13:), we’ve just spent year 9 &10 being downsized 3 times. Oh yeah, you heard me correctly. If that is not the test of your marital strength, I don’t know what is. Seriously, in my world, money is the root of all evil; when there is none….I get evil. Not really, but its a stress to have bills coming in and what little income you have going out. But we weathered through it together. Hell, this last time, I didn’t even stress about it. I just said to myself, “Hey, worrying helps no one, it makes my energy all negative..I’m not doing it.” Then there was a job. A wonderful lovely, knight in shining armor job rode in all the way from Iowa on its big metaphorical steed and rescued us. Yey, the day is saved. But all is not what it seems, yes, we are blessed by God to have found employment in this economy so quickly. I know that. But seriously, did it have to be 4 hours away from where we live. Here I am , a wife who actually likes having my husband around a lot, and he is in Iowa. Poor guy is living like a transient it what we refer to as his “hole” , a very nice 1 bedroom apartment furnished with a blow up bed, 2 camping chairs and a few other oddities from our garage. I feel really terrible. I know he is not taking more because he doesn’t want the girls and I to feel as if he actually “lives” there. But the fact of the matter is that he is there more than he is here. I essentially have a long distance marriage at this point. I think if we hadn’t been through so much together already as a married couple and be in such a stable and committed marriage,  this could be dangerous. I used to always use the line, “hey, if I wanted to be alone I would have stayed single.” That was back when we first got married, when I was 12 and apparently really immature and needed to be with him constantly. I used to shutter at the idea of him traveling for business. I guess I’ve learned my lesson. Traveling occasionally would be amazing compared to this situation. It’s kind of exciting, that I get to get all excited to see my husband like when we were first dating but at the same time, the parting is such sweet sorrow! Every Friday, I get all jazzed up like a 15 year old version of myself about to see her boyfriend for a hot date and then Sunday night reality slaps me right across the face and I realize I won’t see my husband for a few more days.I’m not complaining, well maybe a little, but hey what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? After the last couple years of marriage, I think I probably have strength and fortitude the likes of Lou Ferrigno! So, just to recap; job good, money good, having wonderful husband 4 hours away from myself and my girls..bites!

  • TGIF

    Thank God it is officially Friday! As I lie here in the toddler bed blogging shamelessly from my iPhone ,since my two sweeties have taken over all the space in the spare room bed at my MIL’s, I am blissfully exhausted. Sweet relief is in sight. In less then 24 hours, my husband will be back in town. Yey, me!!! Yes, I did say I was in the toddler bed. I’d take a picture but I think for posterity sake I should not. This week has been chalked full of activities to keep the girls distracted, adding to that all of my regularly scheduled mundane tasks of cleaning, laundry and cooking and this Mommy is out of time and energy . On the bright side , the girls and I made it through another week injury free…. Well, almost. All I know is I need at least 8 solid hours of sleep, a hot bath and maybe a back rub! Oh yeah, thank God it’s Friday!!!! Hope everyone else is as excited as I am. I finally know what all the fuss is about.

    -Truthful Mommy xoxo