Can I please get a filter for this thing?

So, I make a new “Mommy” friend…everything is bright and shiny and new. I think she is awesome, she thinks I rock, our kids get along and then we go do something or go somewhere that doesn’t include our children. It doesn’t focus on what our children are doing or what milestones they are hitting.In fact, its the antithesis of that …its just two gals trying to have a grown up conversation over a beverage, that may or may not have alcohol in it. Anyways, this is pretty exciting. It kinda feels a little like a date, because you are trying to impress them with your wit and charm ( because lets face it, Mommy friends are like gold) and a little like an interview. This is all great, especially since in our line of work (Being a Mommy)  there’s not a lot of room for “adult” conversation. In fact, isn’t our sole purpose to keep these children alive and well, so that’s’ probably why we talk about them and what’s going on in their lives so much. It’s like giving a report to the world on our hot, new up and coming product. Here is where things get dicey for me. Raise your hand if you’ve been here before; seriously, I hope I’m not alone in this predicament. It seems, as soon as you (meaning me) take the relationship from the preschool hallway , ballet school hallway,

whatever other hallway where I meet these women that I am dropping my children off at..I find myself in this very odd phenomenon. It’s odd for me because I am a talker and am not usually at a loss for words, nor do I need to go in search of them. But for some reason, whenever I am alone in this situation, it seems I develop this bizarre loss for words. What’s worse, the word constipation is followed by a very steady stream of diarrhea of the mouth ( not bad breath , though it may be better suited to be described in a different light) . The phenomenon that I am referring to is, I start rambling like a speeding train on a track to hell. I feel the space with what can only be described as Truthful Mommy unnecessary and should be kept to myself trivia.Things, Oh God inappropriate things, come flying out of my mouth. It’s like some form of tourettes. It is so embarrassing to me; I sit there, as its happening, wishing , hopelessly I could stop the words, or better yet remove the ones already said from the ears of my audience. You know that feeling you got in college when you went out and had too good of a time, you woke up the next morning thinking, “Oh crap! What did I do?” but this is worse, I am coherent..I know what I am saying but I can’t stop these unfiltered words from leaving my mouth. Here’s is an example of what a conversation might sound like, New friend/never again to be seen friend (NF/NASF) ” Yes, my husband is fantastic. He does the dishes every night.” Unfiltered me (UM) ” My husband is the best lover I have ever had. He is working on a new version of the Kama Sutra!” (Appropriate response? Probably not!) (NF/NASF) ” I need to workout more!” (UM) “I was a bulimic for 10 years.Vanilla ice cream tastes like a shake , on the return trip!” These are NOT actual conversation excerpts, but a fair example of the gamut of what could possibly come out of my mouth in these situations is about as random. So, you see the dilemma? What , dear God, can I fill the space of quietness with? Maybe silence is golden for a reason!

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Comments (3)

Ha!!!!!! Totally know what you mean. I do the same thing. Ultimately, this tends to work out, because the women who will be my long term friends will also be prone to saying inappropriate things…cause I won't be able to keep my mouth in check for long ;). Great post, you make me smile.

Peryl

Thanks Peryl! You know what is the funniest part of this post? All of my friends are going, OMG, that is so true she said so many stupid things the first time we had a conversation without our kids:)LOL

you made me smile too. What you say is so very true.
ps I really like your style… you sound so much like me but you have a much better way of saying it. Cheers

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