web analytics


weight, fat, body image, raising girls, ballerinas

“I’m fat! Just look at my flabby arms!”

This is what I overheard amongst the ballerinas today. 11-year-olds should not be worrying about flabby arms, especially since not one of the 10 preteen girls included in this conversation are fat or had flabby arms. My heart sunk and my stomach turned as I realized if these lean, dancers think they’re fat, what if all little girls think they’re fat? I didn’t say a word because I was speechless.

Every Wednesday, I take my daughters to ballet. They were in class when I heard the girls talking. This has been my routine for nearly 8 years. At least 4 classes a week, I am surrounded by a plethora of beautiful, young, graceful, strong and lean girls (ages 3 and up). It’s always been a place of positivity and the focus is on the dance moves, not the size of the dancer’s ass. Why would it be?

My girls have danced with the city ballet practically since the moment they could tell me that was what they wanted to do but I went in with my eyes open. I’ve heard the horror stories of ballerinas who are malnourished and have eating disorders. I know these are brought on by the constant focus on body and weight that is necessary for any athlete.

Having battled severe eating disorders myself, I promised myself a few things 1) I would never negative talk in front of my girls 2) I would do everything in my power to instill high self-confidence and positive body image and 3) if they were ever involved in a situation where someone made weight the focus, I’d pull my daughters out because it’s not worth it. I won’t allow anyone to undo the self-esteem that I’ve spent years building.

Perfection is not achievable, mostly because it’s a moving target, and no girl should feel that her self-worth has anything to do with her weight. Only in ballet, like many sports, it is hard to be in top performance form if your body is not at its absolute best so even if there isn’t a blatant focus and criticism of body size and shape, it’s there, lurking like the boogie man just waiting to destroy your daughter’s self-confidence. I know it and, apparently, so do these girls. How could they not living in a world where thigh gaps and bikini bridges are aspirations.

I wanted to grab those girls and hug them and shout to them, “No! Your arms are not flabby. You are perfect. Your body is strong and beautiful and amazing. It is what moves you on the stage. It is what moves you in the world. Your body is what makes you….YOU!” I wanted to, like I wished someone would’ve done to me the first time I looked in the mirror and saw my 12-year-old body and saw imperfection in perfection. But I couldn’t because I wasn’t supposed to be there. I wasn’t supposed to hear that. They aren’t my daughters.

At that moment, I was too busy praying that my daughter, just inside the classroom, didn’t hear this slightly older ballerina who she looks up to calling herself “flabby” and “fat.” Because if you’ve ever been involved in the dance world, you know, there is nothing a tiny ballerina looks up to more than a bigger one, even if it’s only by a level. I held my breath and waited to see if she mentioned anything. She didn’t.

You see, little girls are like sponges; they absorb everything that they see and hear and once they know it, they can’t unknow it. They keep it and pick at it like a scab. I know this is true because my own daughters have even began to pick up on subtle cues, ones that I don’t even know I’m doing. They know how to decipher a hint and they can figure things out. They are not oblivious. I went home last night and began to think of all the ways I hint at my dissatisfaction with my own body; long sighs in the mirror, tugging at my shirt, tiny fits of rage when trying on clothes in the dressing room. I can’t do that anymore. They’re too smart. If they’re unhealthy or think they are fat, I feel like it’s my personal parenting fail.

I feel terrible that I didn’t grab those little girls and tell them how perfect and strong and amazing they are. I had to do something so I emailed the Director of the Ballet (a mom of two small girls, a ballerina and a friend) and I told her what had happened because I feel like going silent makes me a part of the problem. I want to be part of the solution.

What would you have done if you heard a group of young girls calling themselves fat?



0 FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinStumbleuponEmail
skinny, vanity, weight loss,

Throat Punch Thursday,fat chicks, mean peopleI saw the following on a message board. Am I surprised? No, because people are kind of assholes and people really act like assholes when they can hide behind a computer screen.

“WHY do SOME very obese women wear clothes 4 sizes too small?”

Apparently, we’ve never heard of the phrase, live and let live. Look, I am not so tragically obese that I roam the aisles of Wal-Mart with my belly hanging out below the bottom of my shirt as I scour the joint for Pork Rinds and Mountain Dew but I do take offense to this statement.


I have been every single size between a 4/5 ( in the 90’s, which I imagine with vanity sizing being what it is would be a size 0 today) and I have been as large as a size 20 and I have never walked into anywhere with my belly hanging below my shirt or my clothes being 4 sizes too small.

But before you condemn someone and chastise them for choosing to be a “fat chick” and not wearing clothes that fit, maybe you should consider a few things; maybe she just had a baby and does not yet fit back into her prematernity clothes, perhaps she is destitute and can not afford bigger clothes, maybe she has something wrong with her physically that prevents her from fitting into said clothes, maybe she has a mental deficit that prevents her from knowing any better, or perhaps she is just so fucking comfortable with her body she doesn’t give a shit ( which we should all be so lucky). It appears to me that these Fat chicks wearing clothes that are too small are not the problem but maybe your very narrow minded view of the world and obvious sizist attitude are the problem.

The comments were equally as bad calling heavy women everything from classless to tasteless. Maybe they are doing the best with what they’ve got. Live a day in their skin and then see how easy it is to just dress “appropriately” for your size. Let’s be honest, there are a lot of smaller women who wear clothes that are too small for them as well with body parts hanging out all over the place and you don’t see anyone complaining about that. I think they are both equally offensive.

fat chicks

What do you think about people hiding behind their keyboards to be mean to other people?

0 FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinStumbleuponEmail
abercrombie & fitch, Mike Jeffries

Abercrombie & Fitch CEO, Mike Jeffries, very un- Abercrombie & Fitch like himself, has gone on record saying that he does not want to market his product to the fat kids or the unattractive masses. He wants the thin, cool, popular kids. He’s kind of a bully.  There should be a sign out front: Send me your thin, cool, waif-like huddled masses. Keep your fat, unpopular and poor. We fat shame. Welcome!

0 FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinStumbleuponEmail

Throat Punch Thursday,fat letters, BMI, Massachusetts, obesity, childhood obesity, weight

What Would you do if the school sent home a fat letter to inform you that your child’s BMI was elevated.

Elementary schools in North Andover, Massachusetts are now sending home Fat Letters” to the parents of children who have BMI’s under the 5th percentile or above the 85th percentile. The problem is that BMI doesn’t take into account muscle mass. Aside from being embarrassing, it can be hurtful and lead to teasing because let’s face it, kids talk. There is nothing right about schools calculating BMIs.

1 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinStumbleuponEmail
lena dunham, weight, howard stern, body image

Throat Punch Thursday,Jersey Bridgeman, Zachary Holly, murder, rape

So, apparently, Howard Stern made a joke about Lena Dunham being fat and looking like Jonah Hill. Which is really, whatever, its Howard Stern, it’s not like an insult coming from Ryan Gosling or George Clooney. It’s an insult coming from a shock jock with bad hair, a big nose and an even worse attitude. I love Howard Stern but you have got to admit, he’s not the nicest guy. He’s kind of a raging asshole and that’s what we love about him but sometimes he takes shit a little too far and I think comparing a young woman in television to Jonah Hill is definitely not nice. Jonah Hill is funny but no woman wants to be compared to a man shaped like Humpty Dumpty.

0 FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinStumbleuponEmail
Judgemental Doctors, Throat Punch Thursday, Doctors

Throat Punch Thursday,Judgmental Doctor,doctors, obesity,weight management

Judgmental Doctor You Suck

Tonight’s Throat Punch is brought to you by a judgmental doctor. Don’t get me wrong some of my favorite people in the world are doctors; my brother in law, one of my best friends to name a few. I realize that they are, in fact, human; just like you and I. But I expect a standard of professionalism when they are practicing medicine. What they say at home, that’s between them and their HIPAA conscience. But when a doctor brings assumption and judgment into the exam room, we have a problem .

I’ve been having persistent coughing fits for the past 2 weeks and decided to go to the local RediMed, as I don’t have a GP here yet. The doctor walked in the exam room ( after I had waited 2 hours to see her) with a less than enthusiastic attitude, as if I had done something to deserve to be sick. It was apparent from the moment she walked into the room looking through her nose at me, that she was a judgmental doctor.  Worse still a cold bitch, as the room dropped 10 degrees when she walked in.

She began by asking me the standard questions. How long have you had the cough? Are you feeling any sinus pressure? Are you feeling any pressure in your ears? I say yes. She asked, “Pressure? or PAIN?” Her tone was as if I had misunderstood her question. I had not. She had a very thick accent. I’ve grown up immersed in thick accent as my fathers mother tongue is not English. I don’t usually have an issue understanding accents but hers was quite thick.

Judgmental Doctor, Throat Punch Thursday, Doctors, Body issues, weight, body dysmorphic disorder

Judgmental Doctor You are No Lady

“Do you have any allergies?” Yes, I have seasonal allergies.

“When you cough are you bringing anything up? Yes (I’m assuming she was referring to phlegm).

This is when it all fell apart.

At this point she is looking at me, as if I have totally done something wrong, “You really have to watch what you are eating late at night!”  I eat at 5:30 every night.

I have no f*cking idea what she is talking about.

“You must cut back on the greasy food! Take some Prilosec and stop eating these kinds of food!!!! ” She’s practically yelling. I feel as if I am on trial.

“Stop drinking all the sugar, sodas and coffee at night. You need to watch what you eat so you don’t destroy your esophagus with your unhealthy eating habits.”

I don’t!I don’t! I don’t!

What the f*ck is she talking about? Since when did a cough warrant a scolding on non-existent eating habits?

Judgmental Doctor Say What

Then it hits me like a ton of rocks hurled by sizists at the fat kid. Somehow, when I was explaining to her that when I lie down at night the coughing fits get worse, she heard “I’m a big fat asshole who has acid reflux because I can’t control my binge eating at night. I drink 2 liters of soda and pots of coffee with reckless abandon because I just don’t give a shit about my health!”

She was being very condescending and rude.

I know I am out of shape. I am heavier than I ever wanted to be.


I HAVE NEVER HAD HEARTBURN. I don’t even know what it feels like.

I came in for COUGHING FITS not a judgmental doctor with a side of asshole bedside manner. Who did she think she was?

I seldom drink caffeine, never at night. I’ve never been a binge eater. I’m a restrictor. To add insult to injury, I’m pretty sure that the reason I am as heavy as I am now is partly from all the damage I did to my body when I was in the throes of my 8 year battle with eating disorders. Doesn’t this bitch know I have body dysmorphic disorder?

Of course she doesn’t, she’s just the freaking drive thru of doctors and she doesn’t have my full medical records. That insensitive bitch just used her judgmental doctor powers on someone who has to talk herself into accepting herself on a daily basis. I’ve never felt so ugly in my life.

I was deflated. Enraged. Wanted to throat punch her and cry simultaneously. On top of everything else, it’s shark week and I’m not feeling especially happy with excessive water weight that I’m holding.

Thanks for the pep talk, Dr. Kevorkian.My throat Punch goes to the wicked stupid, judgmental doctor with the sizist attitude and atrocious bedside manor.

Hope you will link up your Throat Punch Thursday posts with me. I wanted to extend a personal invite to all of you to link up any posts in which you air a grievance, call out any asshatery,or just dole out a well deserved throat punch to one of societies shortcomings or political douche canoes. If not this week, I do it EVERY single Thursday and would love for any or all of you to join in! All you have to do is grab the Throat Punch Thursday button ( listed under the “about” tab at the top of the page), put it in your blog post and link up. If you’d like to stay in the Throat Punch know, I’d love it if you would email subscribe ( as GFC will stop working soon). Just say No to a Judgmental doctor.

Photo Credit

0 FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinStumbleuponEmail
Sizist, Adele

Sizist, Adele

According to the Urban Dictionary, Sizist ~

The belief that body weight, size or type accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular body weight, size or type is superior to others.

A couple of years ago my 2 year old told me, upon seeing a Victoria Secret Angel commercial, “Mommy, when I grow up I want to look like her.” I was a bit taken aback. But then I thought, she’s 2! 2?

Surely, she’s seeing pretty colors on a beautiful girl dressed like a fairy. Yeah, I can see why a 2 year old who spends her days playing dress up would want to be a real life grown up fairy. It’s an easy leap to make for a 2 year old.

I didn’t think about it again. Until now.

It was one of those pieces of Mommy guilt that you put in your back pocket and wait for it to hit you upside the head at a later date. How could I explain to a 2 year old that the girl on the commercial was not real. She was a product of youth, lighting, and airbrushing? It would have been completely above her head. I knew we’d be revisiting this subject again.

Am I unwittingly instilling a sizist attitude in my girls?

My goal; to raise healthy, intelligent, happy girls who were self-confident in the skin they are in. A concept completely lost on myself.

I try to avoid the pitfall of asking “Does this make me look fat?” of the Big Guy in front of the girls. I feed them healthy food, I keep them active and I make the focus health not weight. It’s not them it’s me.

It’s my responsibility, as their mother, to guide them into a healthy lifestyle without deprivation; to lead by example. Unfortunately, I’ve not been a consistent example. I’ve been pulling the “watch Mommy workout and eat healthy” then I get stressed and it becomes “Do what I say, not as I do!

Without saying anything about body size, they see me constantly struggling to be thinner and they are forming their own opinions. I’m afraid that my girls are perceiving that there is something fundamentally wrong with not being the girl in the commercial.

Yesterday, upon seeing an overweight woman on television, my 4 year old announced “Mommy, I don’t like that woman. She’s fat! I don’t want to be fat!” Then she grabbed the skin on her tiny stomach.

I fell off my chair. A thousand questions flooded my mind.

Am I raising a sizist?

Why is she thinking about this? What’s wrong with being overweight that makes her NOT like someone simply by their size? Is she worrying about her own weight? Has she heard me say something about my own weight when I thought she wasn’t paying attention? Are my body issues genetic? Can you inherit eating disorders? Am I raising a sizist?

My head was spinning. All I could hear is my blood rushing through my body.


More importantly, what does this mean for her? I don’t want her to be a sizist and I certainly don’t want her to grow up to be a self-loathing overweight person. I don’t want her to think someone is less than because of the size of their body. I spent the better part of 30 minutes trying to convince her that people are not to be judged by their size and shape but by who they are on the inside. How I wish people’s insides matched their outsides, life would be so much easier. Is she a sizist?

Do all kids go through a sizist phase?

Photo Credit

0 FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinStumbleuponEmail
Miley Cyrus, Fat, demi lovato,

Throat Punch Thursday~ Miley Cyrus:Don't call me fat! Edition

Miley Cyrus is NOT Fat

Miley Cyrus: Don’t Call Me Fat! ~ Seriously, what in the world is wrong with people? Miley Cyrus is not fat. She looks like a healthy young woman. Healthy and woman being the operative words. Hollywood is so used to seeing the Miley Cyrus and Demi Lovato girls of the world running around like starved waifs that when they see them with a curvy figure they cry FAT! The Miley Cyrus: Don’t call me Fat! article that is seemingly everywhere is has onlookers split down the middle. There are actually people in the world who think because she is not shaped like a 12 year old boy anymore, she must be fat. This is hurtful gossip at its worst for entertainment value. Shame on you trolls for taking cheap shots and mocking the Marilyn Monroes of the world. If we collectively think that healthy is fat, maybe we are the ones who should seek some help.

Miley Cyrus, Fat, demi lovato,

Miley Cyrus is Beautiful & Healthy Looking

Why do we have to make a strong young woman feel less than enough when she has had the good fortune and upbringing to know that her self-worth does not come from the size of her jeans. Are we jealous? I love that Miley Cyrus, spunky and sassy as ever, shot back almost immediately by declaring a public  Twitter war on those who insulted her. Miley Cyrus tweeted to her three million plus followers, “By calling girls like me fat this is what you’re doing to other people.” Her tweet was accompanied by a picture of an emaciated woman.

Miley Cyrus, Not fat, Demi Lovato

This is the Photo that Miley Cyrus Tweeted

Of course if the above photo is what one identifies with as chic and thin then they may want to seek some mental health themselves. I used to think the image above was a good size and that the Marilyn Monroes of the world were fat. Then again, I have a diagnosis of Body dysmorphic disorder and anorexia/bulima on my books. Even I know that this above photo is too thin. Miley was right to be hurt and insulted. Miley went on to criticize her critics, writing, “I love MYSELF & if you could say the same you wouldn’t be sitting on your computer trying to hurt others.”

To drive the point home, Miley Cyrus posted a picture of Marilyn Monroe with the caption, “Proof that you can be adored by thousands of men, even when your thighs touch.” Damn, I wish I had this girls self-confidence!

Soon, Miley’s friend and fellow pop star Demi Lovato joined in on Twitter tweeting back, “I love you, whoever called you that has it coming.” Lovato recently got out of rehab, which she entered in part due to body image issues. Demi Lovato had to defend her post-rehab weight gain back in August, as well.

Miley responded : @ddlovato AMEN! I will destroy any one that ever calls you the F word. You have the SEXIIIESTTTT curvyyyy body! I LOVE IT! #werkthosecurves

Cyrus wasn’t backing down. She tweeted again, “I LOVE being shaped like a WOMAN & trust me ladies your man won’t mind either.” Indeed, young master. I really wish I had her confidence and felt that comfortable with my body. This is a great message to send to women everywhere. Men don’t want girls who are shaped like little boys, unless they are Jerry Sandusky…then maybe.

Amen! I commend these young girls for having the fortitude to stand up to Hollywood’s image of what beauty is and for speaking up in defense for healthy young women everywhere. You are not fat. You are beautiful, healthy and hopefully happy. If we could just get the rest of the world to understand  what you already know, our self worth is not determined by the size of our jeans. Throat punch to all the asshats who think it’s okay to make a running commentary on someone else’s body. Whether you are being a lecherous pervert or a jerky hater, keep your comments on other peoples sizes and shapes to yourself. They have mirrors in their house and they are perfectly aware of any and all flaws that you might feel is your duty to point out. Know this, they know they are there. No one needs your jokes or opinions. Miley Cyrus you impress me with your big, giant self-confidence!



0 FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinStumbleuponEmail

Like most of you, when I look at my children I am in awe that I have been a part of bringing such marvelous creatures into the world. I remember getting ready to leave the hospital with my oldest and having a slight panic attack. They come into the world these little tiny, wiggly, apple smelling beings of the nearest thing to perfection that I have ever seen. That’s why I believe they are sent from heaven..directly. It’s only once they get here and we get hold of them and start fucking them up that hell starts breaking lose. I jest but there is some truth to it. Don’t you agree?
One thing that I know that I worry about and I know weighs heavily on many Moms minds is nutrition.  We try to keep our kids healthy; feed them the right foods, get them involved in some recreational sports for exercise, monitor what they eat but despite our best efforts the incidence of childhood obesity is on the rise. This is of particular concern to me because I have battled with my own eating issues/disorders in the past. I am hyper aware of body issues and the toll they take on a little girls mind and body. I am fully aware that this affliction is an equal opportunity destroyer of boys and girls alike, but I think girls are just more susceptible because of the natural expectation of beauty put onto women.
I’ve said since before my girls were born that I would do whatever it took to save them from that fate. The first best step, in my mind, is to not make weight a focus of attention in their life. I have a dear friend who has a 16 year old daughter who has always been weighed backwards and has no knowledge of what she weighs. How amazing is that? A scale is just a number, its like scoring your importance in the world by how many lbs. you are and the lower the better. How asinine is that? I have been inspired to not let my girls be aware of their number on the scale.
I remember, as a child, my father who is very athletic and an avid runner taking us running with him. He would take us bike riding, to play soccer, swimming, to play basketball and tennis, and walking and it was a blast. I particularly remember a time,  around the time puberty hitting, (you know that lovely time of our lives when our whole body is mutinying on us?) my dad started making me run harder and faster. I distinctly remember him telling me, “Mija, you should run some more”. I could hear the disappointment in his voice. I’m pretty positive that was the moment that it all went down hill for me. From that point on, I was painfully aware of what I ate , how much I exercised and it made me feel that in some tiny way my worth to my dad was directly tied to my weight. As an adult and a parent now, I am sure it was not. But actions speak louder than words and the added, ” you should run more” certainly didn’t help. I can understand trying to get your child healthy and prevent them from being unhealthy but maybe a better approach would have been to not say anything and just take me running and him speed up the pace. Then, I would have had to speed up to keep up but there would have been no connotation attached to the words; no disappointment. Maybe we could have bypassed the body dysmorphia/bulimia/anorexia  episode entirely.
I’ve also tried my damnest to not focus on my own weight in front of my girls. I try to avoid the “Does this make me look fat” question at all cost within their earshot. I’m not always successful but I try to let them know that people come in all shapes and sizes and to just be the best them they can be.
I try to feed them nutritiously and get them to play outside. They are both involved in dance. But it seems that at certain times of the year, my daughter will put on a little weight and then slim right back down.I don’t know what it is but that’s how it happens every year. At these times of the year, I start going over my menu with a fine tooth comb and trying to make sure to eliminate the bad foods and focus on the healthier fare. I know it sounds slightly crazy to be so aware of this but I just don’t want her to ever start being aware of her weight to the point where it could be an issue in her mind. To look at her, obviously she is no where near overweight but I feel like , as her Mother, it is my duty to keep her healthy and happy and not to be the catalyst of an unhealthy lifestyle or allowing bad habits to start. Sounds familiar, right? Probably something very similar to what my own father was feeling/thinking.This is a major contributor to the Mommy guilt that I feel. It’s so hard when you have picky eaters and some times its all you can do just to get them to eat anything but I think this is a stand where we, as parents, need to hold vigilant. The thought of my little girl one day feeling less than adequate in her life because of the number on a scale or the size of her ass makes me cringe. Of course, we want to protect our children from any unnecessary unhappiness in their life but their nutrition and healthy lifestyle choices are something that we can put into place in their formative years. I don’t want to second guess myself and wonder if the food choices I am making for my children are bad for them. The work lies in the execution of the plan. How do you make sure your children are healthy without emphasizing weight or the negative effects of bad food? I don’t ever want my words to be the source of my children feeling anything less than fantastically comfortable in their own skin.

0 FacebookTwitterPinterestLinkedinStumbleuponEmail

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More