Tag:

Mother’s Day

Why this Mother’s Day was More Special than Any Other

by Deborah Cruz 2020/05/11

I wasn’t sure what to expect this year for Mother’s Day. Normally, my only wish is peace, a clean house and not be needed. I appreciate a good day off of mom duty. I know it sounds selfish when so many moms just want to celebrate with their children or their moms but really all I want is a quiet house with no one asking anything of me. I want 24 hours of no responsibilities and no one depending on me for anything. I want to just be me. Somehow this Mother’s Day was more special than any other.

Normally, what I’ve wanted is exactly what the Big Guy has given me. It’s a Queen for the day situation. Well, to be honest, with the Big Guy, he always treats me like a queen just this queen has to do dishes and break up bickering matches between teenagers and fold laundry. Being a queen is not all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes, I just want to drive somewhere with my favorite music blaring singing at the top of my lungs or eat what I want to eat or watch a rated R movie or binge a foreign film series without judgment. I hate the feeling of expectation. You know when the world gives you some side-eye as it wonders pretty damn aloud, why you aren’t doing something else…something they deem productive? No, just me?

I grew up in a house where weekends were not for sleeping in; they were for waking up even earlier to get more done. And you never had the luxury of being bored because my father would find some household chore for you to do. Everything was never always done and there was plenty to go around. And so, now, I find I almost impossible to relax if anyone else is around. If you are anyone who could possibly expect anything from me…you can rest assured that I cannot relax.

But this year, Mother’s Day fell on quarantine, so did the anniversary of my miscarriage which I observe every year as my national day of grief (this year I had an audience because everyone was underfoot), as did my husband’s birthday, our 21^st wedding anniversary is this weekend and my daughter’s 13^th birthday. This shelter in place is really jacking up life as we know it. My expectations for Mother’s Day were pretty low.

I didn’t expect gifts because who can go shopping. I didn’t expect fancy brunches at a restaurant or visits from my mom or my sisters. All I wanted was my day off but how? We’re all in this quarantine together so I couldn’t really expect alone time. All I really wanted was no bickering between the kids, no housework for me and not to have to worry about dinner. Done, done and done. But something was different, aside from the world being in a coronavirus tizzy… my girls did something different.

I don’t know if it’s the fact that we’ve all been quarantined for over 2 months or the fact that they are getting older or maybe they just were trying to make me happy with their thoughtfulness but they surprised me. Both girls posted sweet messages on Instagram with pictures of us from when they were little. It wasn’t about the picture on social media it was the fact that they said how much they loved and appreciated me, with specifics, online, in front of everyone. They’re teens.

Not to be that person but my 15-year-old called me, “Diosa,” which means goddess. Fuck a queen, my girl thinks I’m a goddess and she called me her best friend. Then, she thanked me for making her the “bad bitch” she is. Now, I don’t like women being called bitches but when my teen thinks of herself as a “bad bitch” I call that a mom win.

My youngest, who I’m pretty sure hates me on most days because fucking hormones and she is my teen wonder twin, told me not only that she loves me so much but more importantly she said that I’m always there for her and never give up on her which I don’t ever but I wasn’t sure she realized that until that moment. The fact that she does lets me know that I’m on the right track. God knows we moms spend so much time trying to figure out what’s going on in our kids’ heads. It was so nice for them to tell me.

READ ALSO: The Best Mother’s Day Gift Ever

Not going to lie, I’ve done a lot of shit in my life. I’ve accomplished a lot. I’m well-educated, well-traveled, I’m cultured and I believe that I can do anything that I set my mind to and still these two girls are and always will be my legacy, my greatest achievement. My goal is to raise good human beings and that’s a lifetime position. It’s hard work; it takes up all of my time, my energy, my heart and my soul but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Their words, those notes, unprompted and unsolicited expressions of love, meant more to me than any gift ever could.

I don’t know what you did for Mother’s Day or how your family celebrated you but I hope they made you feel like a Diosa, a goddess, and I hope you know how much they love and appreciate you. You’re a bad bitch and I see you. So when you’re tired, exhausted from no sleep, dealing with tantrums or bickering teens, sick children and it feels like nothing in the world is going right…you’re homeschooling and you’re never off duty, just remember inside the crazy storm of motherhood, there is a calmness. Motherhood is misery peppered with profound moments of bliss. I know I’m a day late because I was trying to just be yesterday but Happy Mother’s Day to each and every one of you. May the odds be ever in your favor.

2020/05/11 0 comment

love letter to my teen daughter, Bella, teen birthday

Mom Life

My Dream Mother’s Day this Year is Different than You’d Expect

by Deborah Cruz 2019/05/12

written by Deborah Cruz

Normally, for Mother’s Day, all I want is a day of peace and rest. The kids leave me alone (except for hugs and kisses in the morning) and the Big Guy assumes 100% of all the parenting and household duties. This has been my dream Mother’s Day for many years and I’ve been living the dream.

I’ll gladly accept homemade cards, baubles and gift cards for massages. I love all of those things. But mostly I love sleeping in, no bickering, not having to do dishes or cook or think. I love binging R-rated movies and blasting the music that I want to listen to as loud as I want. Now if a cleaning fairy would just show up and dust and fold all the clothes (and put them away).

However, this year is different. Monday I was told I’m sick. Really sick. Life-threateningly sick. So this year, while I would love to sleep in and have no bickering or do any menial household chores, I mostly want to enjoy my family because that I’ll always be here is not a given. That I can send them into another room while I binge Netflix alone isn’t what I want. This year, I feel like I can’t take anything for granted.

Maybe I won’t be secluding myself this year, as I’ve done for many other Mother’s Days. I won’t be over planning or trying to fit someone else’s expectation of what Mother’s Day is supposed to look like either. I don’t want roses or brunch at the Waldorf, I just want to relax and not have to be anywhere or do anything. I want to live a day at my leisure with no responsibility and yes, this year, I want it to be with my family.

I want snuggles and cuddles and kisses and hugs. I want talking and laughing and enjoying one another’s company. I want memories and nostalgia and never letting go. I want to be a Mother because not everyone gets to.

There is no right or wrong way to celebrate motherhood. For each of us, it is different. For all of us, it’s personal. Each mother is beautiful and special in her own way and each family celebrates differently. The important thing is that we take the time and savor the moment, reflecting on the honor it is that we are blessed to have children and they are blessed to have us because without one another, what would we be?

This weekend, we’ll be celebrating in a way that is us. Saturday, we’re taking a short road trip to see Cirque du Soleil’s Corteo and I’m super excited because it’s in the middle of the day so I don’t have to worry about early mornings or late nights.

Sunday, I’ll sleep in until I wake up then head to mass because this mama can use all the God she can get these days. Then, home for a healthy brunch cooked by the Big Guy. It will be a designated bickering-free zone for the day, so the lovely tween and teen will have to abstain from killing one another. Followed by watching movies, a nap, a family walk, and a delicious, yet healthy, dinner. Then, Game of Thrones and a back rub. Maybe I’ll even throw a long bath in there somewhere. I haven’t had a soak in years. Sounds like perfection to me. I know, I’m pretty specific but this is what my dreams are made of these days.

Anyways, that’s my dream Mother’s Day 2019. Normally, it’s to be alone so if that is your perfect Mother’s Day, I am not mad at you. We are the same people. This year, I have a different perspective and every moment with my girls counts so this is where we are…spending the day in peace and love with my family. Here’s hoping it all plays out.

What’s your dream Mother’s Day? If you could do anything in the world on Mother’s Day what would it be?

2019/05/12 0 comment

Mother's Day, Mother's Day gift, girl mom

Parenting

The Greatest Mother’s Day Gift Ever

by Deborah Cruz 2018/05/11

written by Deborah Cruz

Moms will tell you they want nothing for Mother’s Day. Some will tell you that you are enough. Your cute little faces and your sticky little hands. She means it, for about an hour Mother’s Day morning while you are serving her breakfast in bed and handing her sweet homemade gifts. They really are the best Mother’s Day gifts of all; tiny handprints and papier Mache flowers made with love and baby spit add to it a sweetly scribbled I love you by your little one and you are mommy mush.

But that’s not what she really wants. What every mother wants for Mother’s Day is the day off. No cleaning. No dishes. No laundry. No cooking. No obligations.

Quite frankly, the best Mother’s Day gift is the day off from mom duty.

Don’t take it personally. It’s not you, it’s us. Just kidding, it’ you.

Being a mom is amazing. I love being a mom 364 days a year. Ok, maybe it’s more like 355 days a year but I need days off people. Even the janitor gets 2 days off a week.

But most moms are too afraid to say it out loud because they don’t want to offend anyone, least of all aforementioned children and the man who helped make this dream of motherhood come true. But if I’m being completely honest, and I am speaking on behalf of 99.9% of the moms (I know because I took an unofficial poll of moms drinking wine and dropping truth bombs) we all want the day off.

I want to sleep in until I wake up. Then by all means, please bring me a hot breakfast in bed with milky hot coffee. Spoiler alert, mommy does not like cold food. I never have, baby. To be honest, cold food is kind of disgusting. I’d rather not eat at all. I’ve been faking it for years.

I don’t want to do anything. I want no obligations. I want to move freely in the world with no one tethered to my side. I want to play the music I want to hear at the degree of loudness I want to listen to it and I want to dance without you looking at me like I’m a weirdo.

I want to watch whatever R rated movie or mind-numbing television I want to watch with no regard for what you want to do. I want to take a long, hot bath with no one knocking on the door or hearing bickering children. I want more out of life than an unlocked, half-open bathroom door where I take a semi-private timed race piss. I want privacy.

I want time to be able to fix my hair, put on my makeup, iron my clothes and get ready without having to be somewhere. I don’t want to get ready while you rush me because I need to taxi you someplace I never wanted to go in the first place. And no, your obnoxious friend who never shuts up and is entirely too loud cannot come over today. No child that hasn’t sprung from my vagina cannot be in my house on Mother’s Day. Go bother your own mom.

I don’t want to have to break up any sibling fights. Suffer the wrath of any rolling eyeballs or be subjected to listening to endless hours of you. On this one sacred day, can it please be about me? For the love of God, can I eat strawberry ice cream? You are probably wondering what the hell I mean by this.

It has come to my attention recently that my favorite ice cream is fresh strawberry ice cream. However, fresh strawberry ice cream will never be found in my house. Want to know why? Because my children don’t like strawberry ice cream and apparently, I live my life around their happiness and forget about my own. Well, not today suckers! I am eating strawberry ice cream while drinking vodka and watching a Fifty Shades of Gray marathon. Just kidding, no fucking way am I wasting my day off watching a movie whose book reads like it was written by an illiterate teenager.

Mostly, I want to have choices to do what I want to do, free of the influence of what everyone else around me wants to do. I think all moms deserve a day off to spend however they want to without guilt or retribution. If she wants to spend it with you, she’ll call you. You don’t have to call her.

I won’t lie, I am pretty lucky. The Big Guy figured me out around my 3rd Mother’s Day. He came in and said, don’t lift a finger. I’ll take care of everything. Take the day off. And that’s when I decided he’s never getting rid of me. We are lobsters. I’m never taking my claws off him. This man gets me.

So if you think taking mom to brunch and making her hang out with the kids all day is what mother’s day is all about, you have missed the memo. We get it. We’re moms. We do it every single day. If you want to make things special. Take the kids to the park or the movies and give mom time to relax and think, maybe catch up on her favorite binge-watching a show or take that long hot bath with her 80’s music blaring. Give her time to miss you and appreciate the kids. Hell, go crazy take them away for the weekend. Come back on Sunday for the celebration.

If you’re looking for something at a gift shop to give us and want to throw some chocolates and diamonds at us, or if you’re planning to pick up flowers from a florist, we don’t mind. Those are the cherries on top of motherhood. But what we really want is the day off to do what we want. Think of it this way dads, on Father’s day, you probably don’t spend the day at home being held, hostage. Most dad’s get the day to go golfing using this overhead mounted monitor like all men like to do without kids. Why is that? Because sometimes you just want to feel like a human and not just someone’s parent. Well, we moms…we feel the same way.

Don’t get me wrong, we love those little people we created (probably more than you, if we’re being honest. After all, we’ve been known to horde teeth and umbilical cords. Some of us have even sucked snot out of babies noses and masticated their food. (not me of course. I’d never do that to food. Besides babies don’t eat cucumbers 😉 ) The thing is all good things in moderation.

We will happily accept your gifts and your notes but know, what we really want is peace and permission to be ourselves; a day to exhale. I guess what I’m really trying to say is just give mom a lot of love and a little space this Mother’s Day.

But in all seriousness, be kind to all the moms you know; yours, the mother of your children, your friends who are pregnant and even those desperately struggling to become pregnant and especially those moms who have lost babies and those who have lost their moms. And really, be kind to your mom every day, once a year is not nearly enough to show ample affection for the woman who gave you life.

What’s the best Mother’s Day gift you ever received and what’s at the top of your list?

P.S. I Love you, mom.

! Happy Mother’s Day!

2018/05/11 1 comment

Tech

Mother’s Day Gift Guide for Moms who Love Tech

by Deborah Cruz 2016/04/27

written by Deborah Cruz

Mother’s Day is right around the corner and as we all know, every mother like every child, is a snowflake and picking just the right gift can be a daunting task if you forget that the only thing moms really want is something from the heart. That’s all it takes to make any of us happy really.

But if your mom is a techie, like myself, there may be some things that might make her high tech heart smile just a little wider than say a crockpot. But hey, if mom’s in to easy to make, on the go crockpot dinners, a new crockpot might be the best gift ever. Me, I prefer tech.

Here is a list of some of the hottest tech gifts this Mother’s Day:

The Huawei watch

The Huawei Watch Jewel & Elegant is at the top of my list. It’s inspired by the timeless style of feminine beauty. It’s elegant form complimented by smart technology, seamlessly blends in full functionality with flair. It’s more sophisticated and beautiful than the competition and can be outfitted in a number of different styles. It’s all the beauty of a fine timepiece and all the function of a high-end smart watch.

Powered by Android wear, the Huawei Watch makes keeping active and reaching your health goals effortless. A high-accuracy motion sensor keeps track of your activity and knows when you are walking, running or climbing.

Then if you are buying a Fitbit, make sure you look at the waterproof Fitbit models as it’s much better to have it waterproof than not.

The Qardio Base Smart Scale & Body Analyzer

Now, I wouldn’t normally put a scale on a Mother’s Day gift guide but I have to say, I have one and it really is one of my favorite things. The Qardio Base is a smart scale that provides weight and full body composition feedback. It works with an app and provides your weight, BMI and fat percentage. Multiple users can use it and there is even a pregnancy mode that accounts for expectant moms.

Want to know if you’re burning fat and gaining muscle? Or whether you’re actually losing weight not just water? Qardio Base smart scale makes it possible.

It allows you to set your goals and track your progress with clever charts & graphs and it even has a pregnancy mode. It’s the first scale that let’s mom know her body, not just her weight and that makes a difference.

Panasonic Lumix ZS100

Whether the mom in your life is an enthusiast or full-auto photographer, the ZS100 delivers the upgrade in image quality a 1-inch sensor affords with just enough zoom lens for a lot of framing flexibility and the capability to be sufficiently fast enough to capture kids and pets in action. Plus the ZS100 supports 4K video for the sharpest video capture possible. It has everything the professional or novice photographer mom could ever want.

Shield TV

Shield TV is a top-of-the-line Android streaming device from NVIDIA. From its sleek, angular design and the world’s largest app ecosystem to exceptional speed (34x faster) and 4k resolution – Shield TV is packed with ultra-modern features to deliver the ultimate entertainment experience by centralizing your favorite shows, movies, games, music and more in one place. With options for all ages – from PBS Kids to ESPN – and the ultimate Android gaming platform, Shield is the must-have travel essential for family trips.

With amazing Google voice capabilities and microphone-equipped remote, you can now find exactly what you want on Netflix or YouTube without seemingly endless clicks as you scroll through libraries. This means mom can pull up her favorite titles, instantly and virtually hands-free. No matter what she’s doing.

Olloclip 4-in-1 lens system

Portability, great quality and ease of use, the Olloclip 4-in-1 lens system has it all. It delivers the best-looking images. Your mom the smartphone photographer will get a fisheye, wide-angle and two macro lenses using a mount that works with both front and rear cameras of Apple’s two newest smartphones. All of this comes in a kit that offers great image quality while still being easy to carry. The system takes just a second to attach to her phone and stows away neatly in a pocket or bag using the included cloth pouch.

Moleskine Smart Writing Set

The Moleskine Smart Writing Set may be one of my favorite things ever. It is a 3-part system that includes a Paper Tablet, a Pen+ and the free Moleskine Notes iOS app. This system allows mom to turn anything she writes on the tablet into a digital file. No scanning required.

The Pen+ and its built-in camera picks up the code embedded in the pages of the Paper Tablet and uploads it to the Notes app. It is the perfect gift for moms like me who still like to take written notes. What can I say? I’m old school and I like tangible.

These gifts are sure to make the tech-loving mom in your life smile. I know they’d make my techy heart happy.

What’s at the top of your Mother’s Day wish list this year?

Disclosure: Some of these gifts on this Mother’s Day gift guide were provided to me for review purposes but all opinions are my own.

2016/04/27 1 comment

Mother, mother's day,Johnsons and johnsons

Parenting

Being a Mother is So Much More than I Ever Could Imagine

by Deborah Cruz 2015/05/08

written by Deborah Cruz

This is a compensated campaign in collaboration with Johnson’s® and Latina Bloggers Connect but all opinions about being a mother and memories are my own.

Being a mother is so much more than I ever thought it could be. My daughters are everything to me. That is not an exaggeration. I realize that sounds antiquated and I never knew I had it in me to be this kind of woman. I’ve always been independent and self-sufficient. There was a brief time I my late teens, early twenties where I was pretty dependent on boyfriends because when you are that age your entire life revolves around the people you call your friends and the boy you date. Then I grew up and got married.

We had a great time, the two of us. I married the perfect guy for me, as I like to say he was everything, I never knew I always wanted and since the first day we met, we’ve been together. He calls me his soul mate; I call it meant to be. I wasn’t even supposed to be there when we met. There were a million reasons we should’ve never met but we did and I thought that was the biggest love I could ever have and then I had my daughters.

Two things happened when I became a mom. I fell deeper in love with the Big Guy than I ever thought was possible. I mean who doesn’t love a man who loves a child? It’s like kryptonite to my uterus. The other thing that happened, I fell completely head over heels in love with the squishy little person we made together. There are not even words to explain how much I love my children. Then I realized that the price of loving someone so big and hard is that you are completely vulnerable.

Every coo had me mesmerized. Every finger clasp had my heart going pitter-patter. Those big blue eyes looked straight through my soul. They make me want to be a better person. I want to give them the best of everything; childhood, life and of me. I happily bend over backwards to make them as happy as their existence makes my heart. They truly complete me. I can’t even remember the person I was before they were born. I do know that she was not half the person I am tonight.

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_youtube id=”https://bit.ly/JohnsonsTouchYT” width=”600″ height=”350″ autoplay=”no” api_params=”” class=””/]

This is the relationship we’ve had since they were born. The random neck hugs, middle of the night cuddles, kisses and tiny voices whispering, “I love you mommy to the moon and back”, that’s the good stuff. That’s the stuff that makes life beautiful, to me. But oh, disappointing them hurts like nothing I’ve ever felt. Letting them down feels like the ultimate failure.

My girls never went through the, “No!” phase in their toddler years. I thought I dodged a bullet. But no, it’s just coming a little later. My girls are starting to exert their own independence now. I take it as it comes because I understand, one’s a tween and the other is just at the age where she’s confident enough to tell me now without the worry of alienating me. She knows my love is unconditional but that doesn’t make it hurt any less when she refuses my request.

The mother/daughter relationship is ever changing and evolving.

They don’t need me as much as they used to, unfortunately, I still need them. I need them to love unconditionally and always. But they still need me for some things that might seem insignificant to them but mean everything to me. Shhh, don’t tell them or they’ll stop. You know kids.

My favorite part of the day when they were babies was bath and bedtime. I remember the Big Guy and I would give them baths and then massage them with Johnson’s lavender bedtime lotion. It always seemed to relax them and research shows that touch is critical to baby’s growth, development, communication and learning. These days they give themselves their own baths but they still come to me afterwards and ask me to put the lotion on them, brush and braid their hair. Every time I smell that bedtime lotion, I can see the babies they were and I can forgive them any transgression, even telling me, “No.”

–

This is a sponsored campaign in collaboration with JOHNSON’S® and Latina Bloggers Connect. However, all opinions expressed are my own.

[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

2015/05/08 0 comment

mom, hallmark, Mother's Day, #PutYourHearttopaper, what my mom means to me

Parenting

My Mom, My Hero

by Deborah Cruz 2015/04/27

written by Deborah Cruz

This is a compensated post written by me in partnership with Hallmark but my opinions and love expressed for my mom in this post are all mine.

Saying, “I love you” to my mom is second nature to me, like breathing, in the same way that I say it to my daughters, my husband and all the people who mean so very much to me. I don’t think about it. I feel it and I say it. But I’ve never stopped to think about what it means to “love” a parent. It’s just the way it has always been. They give us birth and we love them forever, the same way my daughters love me.

So, I thought about it. Really thought about it. What does my mom mean to me? My mom gave birth to me. She chose to have me, when she was in a situation that she very well could have chosen not to. She chose the hard path because she loved me before she ever met me. I never understood that love until I had my own children. A mother’s love is like no other kind of love because it runs deep and it is never-ending, unwavering and truly unconditional. I get that now.

My mom means everything to me. I take that for granted sometimes. I know that. She’s always been very quiet and humble and I’m loud and a little rough around the edges. When I was younger, I mistook her quiet demeanor for weakness but really; it was fierce strength because sometimes the hardest thing to do is to hold your tongue, especially when you want to shout at the world.

I was a difficult teen. I was angry at the world and my mother took the brunt of my anger. While I was raging and shutting her out, she was strong. She never made me feel small or unheard. She heard me. She may not have liked what I was saying or doing but I always knew that no matter what I did, she would be there when I needed her and she always has been. I was never afraid to go after what I wanted in life because I always knew that if things didn’t work out, she’d still be there to love me and support me.

Because of her, I learned how to be me. We are complete opposites even still to this day but somewhere between my yelling and her silence, there is peace and finally, we are both being heard. She still calls me her little girl and that’s fine to me because to her I will always be that little girl. The same way she will always be “mommy” to me.

What does my mom mean to me?

She means hope for better things. She is living proof that we can survive anything. She is unconditional and forever and without her, I wouldn’t be me. In my darkest moments, my mom has always known when to hold me and when to let me go and regardless if it was what she wanted, she always gave me what I needed because that’s what being a mother is all about.

My mom inspires me to be better, to push myself and always encourages me to follow my heart. She never loses faith in me and no matter how many times I stumble in life, she’s there, carefully watching and waiting while I pick myself back up. She may be quiet and reserved but she is the reason that I am bold. She gave me the strength and support to do that. My mom is everything to me.

It’s ironic that in a world where people share every fleeting thought that comes into their head sometimes we have difficulty saying the most important things to the people who mean the most to us. Hallmark helps us truly connect with those who mean the most to us. Hallmark can help you put your heart to paper.

What does your mom mean to you?

[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

2015/04/27 1 comment

Confessions

A Thousand Years

by Deborah Cruz 2012/05/14

written by Deborah Cruz

It seems like it’s been A Thousand Years since I first found out that I was going to be a mother for the third time. It’s been 3 months today since that test showed two lines. I was surprised and exhilarated and scared all in that moment. But mostly I was unexpectedly blessed beyond my wildest dreams. I’ve always wanted three children but it just didn’t seem to be in the cards and then it was and now it’s not. Mother’s Day was yesterday. This was my 7th Mother’s day. Every year, I thank God for blessing me with my beautiful children.Now, I know to thank God for my children every second of every day. I’ve always known that some women were not so lucky to be sitting, holding their children in their lap on Mother’s day but I never honestly knew their pain. The lingering emptiness and void that remains long after a baby is gone.

I have been waiting for you for a thousand years

I’ve always felt like I don’t deserve my children. I have days when I am grouchy and sometimes I am less patient than my girls deserve. I lose my temper and say “No” to a lot of requests to what seems to me to be frivolous requests. I rush them and hush them. But what if they weren’t there to ask? Then what? I’d give my life to be sure that they are here so why not give in to frivolous requests? Because maybe those requests are not so frivolous after all. I am now painfully aware how very important every moment of every day is with my children. I had to learn this lesson the hard way.

Yesterday, I had lots of love sent my way. I thought I would be okay. It’s been two weeks since I saw that life changing ultrasound. I’ll NEVER be over it. I will never forget the baby that I was looking forward to introducing to my family this Thanksgiving. I feel like I loved that baby for a thousand years and I know I will love him for a thousand more. As far as I am concerned, I am the mommy of three babies. I just never got the privilege of holding my third baby in my arms. I feel robbed and cheated and sad. But a little part of me, feels grateful that I ever got the chance to feel that incredible love that a mommy can only feel for the baby growing inside her. It’s been a hard two weeks, the hardest of my entire life. I am learning to live in my new normal.

I have loved You for a Thousand Years

I feel like a ticking time bomb of emotions. The song that was playing that morning as we drove to the hospital, the very same song that I sang to my belly in the car the week before, A Thousand Years by Christina Perri, every time I hear it I bitter-sweetly smile at what might have been and cry at what I had to lose to truly appreciate what I had. I have new perspective. Mother’s Day to me is a day to give thanks for all the beautiful mother’s in my life.A day to appreciate the power of a mother’s love.

My mother who loves me so much that she stepped back to allow me to feel my pain at my request, knowing that, as a mother, all she wanted to do was run to me and comfort me. My sister, who lost her own angel, 10 years ago. I never understood the solitude in her pain and I now wish that I could just wrap her in love and make everything alright for her. She is so brave and beautiful. I admire her for her heart. My baby sister, who just celebrated her first Mother’s day but loves me so much that she held me as I cried and felt my pain so that the force of it did not kill me. To all my friends who have never felt this loss but love me so much that they surrounded me with love, prayer and understanding and to all of the beautiful friends and strangers who I am joined to forever in our loss., my heart goes out to all of you because I know how hard it is to lose something that means so very much. Please hold those babies you can in your arms every day and be thankful they are there and hold the ones that are not, in your heart where they will live and be a part of you forever.

I’ll Love you for a thousand More

Today is a new beginning. Today, I am rising from beneath the rubble of my heart. I am summoning all of my strength and I will get up out of bed, love my children with all that I am, live my life and be thankful for all the wonderful people and opportunities that I have been given. I am counting my blessings, wiping my tears away and coming back to life. I am no longer who I once was and things that seemed so important last month have no importance at all today. My priority is my family; my husband who has been my rock and my beautiful daughters who light up my life and show me how very precious life is and how very blessed I am to have them.

Positive, how long I’ve waited for this
An unnatural calm has over taken me
I am happy but afraid to be excited
Afraid my joy will be sort lived and snatched away
My whole life this was the moment I was meant for
But maybe it’s not to be, maybe it’s the cruelest joke
To give such a precious git & take it away just as quickly
I feel a sick feeling in my stomach which accompanies the thought of losing you
I pray to God to spare me this misery
To let us be together until the sunset of my life!

The above quote was written July of 2004 when I was spotting with my first pregnancy.

2012/05/14 9 comments

Parenting

Life is a garden; Update

by Deborah Cruz 2010/07/31

written by Deborah Cruz

I shared with all of you the awesome Mother’s Day gift the big guy and my girls gave to me. Well, as I promised, here are recent pics from the ever blooming beauty of my garden of love.

And here are the 3 most amazing people I know! The truest loves a woman could ever know!

2010/07/31 4 comments

Home Mom Life

A Garden where Love Grows

by Deborah Cruz 2010/05/10

written by Deborah Cruz

Yesterday did not go according to plan. But does it ever? What’s the saying? The road to hell is paved with what??? Oh yeah, good intentions. Probably great intentions.

The entire weekend was pretty awesome. If you disregard the groggy feeling that was induced by the Ambien induced sleep. And I thought I was going to awake well rested and ready to conquer the world. Ha! Then there was the freezing weather that we had to till the garden in if we had any hope of planting this weekend.

I know it was my weekend, and my idea for this lovely flower garden, so what kind of a person would I have been if I sat by and watched my poor husband till the garden in 40-degree weather? So, I helped. The tiller nearly pulled me across the yard and into my neighbor’s yard, that would have been solid. I’m sure that would have gotten me thrown out of the association. If you also have a home garden and you happen to spot pests lurking around, it’s best to quickly contact pest control services, such as the ones who specialize in termite control and other possible pests, you can try to get a repellent light like the breeze tec to prevent bugs eating your garden.

There I am being dragged around the garden like a rag doll as my daughters ran amuck and my husband and I hoping and praying the hundreds of dollars we spent on flowers were not for naught since there was a frost advisory..in MAY!!! What? Did this come in just to spite me and my Mothers Day? Seriously!

Once all was said and done, my husband and I were too sore to cuddle or have any “romantic” time together. That was Saturday. Then Sunday, the Mother of all days, I woke up late, I woke up grouchy, I woke up sore, I didn’t make it to mass, spent the day trying to get the flowers into the garden while my poor husband kept trying to shoo me inside so I could rest. I couldn’t rest when there was so much to be done and I surely am not the type to sit around and sit as he is working like a horse in the garden. Poor guy! We also had to hire https://charlotte.sustainablepest.com/termite-control/ for pest control services since our garden was looking grim with insects.

The girls were underfoot trying to help, slowing the process down even further. God bless ’em they were trying. After all was said and done, I have a beautiful flower garden. We ended the day with a deviation from our usual fancy gourmet meal my husband usually prepares. Instead, we had lovely burgers on the grill, grilled potatoes and corn on the cobb ending the meal with strawberry shortcakes. It may not have been the gourmet meal originally planned, but after a hard day of work, it sure hit the spot.

In the end, this weekend reminded me that it is not what you do (or don’t do) on Mother’s Day, it’s who you spend it with! I was blessed enough to spend mine in my garden with my beautiful family. If the amount of love put into this garden is any indication of how beautiful it will be, I will soon be tending the most gorgeous garden in the city. In my garden of life, a plethora of love surely blooms!

2010/05/10 8 comments

diamonds and pearls, weird shit, up my toddler's nose

Mommy Truisms

Weird Shit I Found Up My Toddler’s Nose

by Deborah Cruz 2010/05/06

written by Deborah Cruz

Of all the days to find weird shit up my toddler’s nose, today was not the day. Seriously, is it my Mother’s Day weekend yet? My husband comes home tonight and I am so off duty! If she could have only waited 12 hours.

My 2 year old, very smart most of the time, just came to me and was picking at her nose. No biggie right? That’s what they do.

Gabs:” UGH ( in total disgust) Me have something in my nose!”

Me: “Gabs, do you need a tissue?”

Gabs: “NO!!!”

Me: “Gabs, stop picking. Do you need a Kleenex for your boogies or do you have some thing in your nose?” (OK, I totally said this NOT expecting the answer that I got)

Gabs: “YEAH! Get it out!”

So, I tilt her head back expecting to be confronted with a monstrosity of a booger when what to my surprise do I find? A.PEARL! She had a effing pearl up her nose. A big friggin 1/2 ” in diameter pearl lodged in her left nostril. I know you are wondering where the hell did she get a pearl? Long story short, hidden broken pearl necklace + nosey 2 year old with long legs = (obviously) pearl up nostril! I seriously almost shat myself.

I kept remembering of all my friends whose kids had done something equally as stupid and ended up in the emergency room with a corkscrew noodle or a popcorn kernel gaining ground on the fast track to their melon. I am sure I turned 12 shades of white. I gently placed my thumb on the top outside of her nose (to prevent further inhalation of the said pearl) and told her to ” Blow baby!”. She did and out popped a pearl.

Then, being the drama queen that she is, she promptly ran to the bathroom and martyr style weeped because I told her not to do that again because the pearl could travel to her brain and kill her. She wasn’t liking the answer she got. What a princess, I wonder if she poops diamonds? I should check that out!

Totally un-phased, fruit snack ravishing victim!

Totally unsuspecting culprit!
Happy Mothering! May all of your children avoid the nose pearls!

2010/05/06 8 comments

Newer Posts

Older Posts