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I sit here on this gorgeous Sunday summer morning, on my deck lounging as my girls play in their splash pool. I am surrounded by giggles as hues of bright white, sky blue and the warmth of the bright yellow sun dance all around me and to make it even more special my beautiful husband is in the same zip code with us.  As I am writing this post down, I think to myself “MY LIFE IS GOOD!”
Today is such a relaxing day. It is quite a contrast to yesterday that was spent in a mad dash rushing from one place to the next. We sped around Navy Pier trying to take in ..everything. It was the first trip to the Pier for my girls and I wanted to make every moment count. The girls oohed and aahed at the boats in the lake, the stared in awe at the giant Ferris wheel and the hot air balloon looming overhead the crowd, as they chomped on their rock candy suckers that Daddy had purchased them. I do,however, think they were sufficiently terrified by the Chicago seagulls that were dive bomb attacking us in the sweltering heat. Nothing like 100 degree weather and the fear of bird shit to get your kids moving in a hasty manner. Our trip to the Pier was cut short by the heat but as always sometimes life’s most expected happiness comes when you are least expecting it.

We decided to head to my sister’s home to spend the day with her and her beautiful family. My girls were ecstatic to spend the day with their little cousin, my adorable Godson. Gabs especially loves it because she feels like she gets to be the “big sister” when he’s around. Its so adorable how she coddles and guides him, ever the protective maternal force:) (thank God he doesn’t mind..for now).

I was looking forward to spending some quality time chatting with my own “little ” sister. These moments seem to be so few and far between these days with us living in different areas and having families of our own. The big guy, he looks forward to spending “man” time with my Brother in law; sampling exotic beers, driving fast cars and swapping tall tales..(yeah, just like Pecos BILL:) And all of us look forward to eating the glorious Serbian/Romanian feast my sister’s Mother in law prepares for us with love and enthusiasm (seriously, that woman has a gift when it comes to cooking and baking).
What started out as a day full of sights to see turned into a day of making wonderful family memories. It was wonderful sitting around the splash pool at my sister’s house, enjoying one another’s company and the, seldom had these days, face to face conversation while our children embraced their time together.

My sister and I shared memories of our own childhood and acted as our childrens very own paparazzi. There is something magical about being able to speak to someone who has known you your whole entire life and knows every single thought and word you may have before you even open your mouth. It may have not seemed like anything special to the general onlooker but the day with my little sister was priceless. We are no longer little girls, we will always be sisters but we choose to be friends; and my sisters’ friendships mean more to me than they will ever know.

But as all good things must, our day had to come to an end. There were overtired tears from the children who absolutely did not want to part. The dull feeling of melancholy that accompanies every goodbye between loved ones began to slowly creep into the room. As we kissed and hugged and kissed and hugged once more, we made our usual tentative plans to see each other again soon ( this happens so often between  family members and friends living out of town) and we believe with all of our hearts that this time will be different. The drive wasn’t that bad, the day was so great,and  so on and so forth.
All the way home, I assured myself that “this” time our promise and plans were different, this time things will be different (reminiscent of every diet I have ever failed).Unfortunately, more than likely, life will get in the way of our plans and more time will end up passing than either of us had intended. But yesterday, life was good! Love you lil Sis!

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My daughters have a lot of things. Lots of clothes, toys, gizmos  and gadgets. Between their Father and I trying to provide them with all that they want, myself not being able to pass up cute matching outfits, and Grandparents spoiling them rotten..well, they have acquired a lot of really cute shit in their short time with us.
I have problems parting with some it for several reasons. These are some of the ways I rationalize hoarding all this stuff; I may have another one (probably not but just in case), they wore that on this day and it was so special,  Great Grandma so and so gave that to them from the old country, I will never find that again and the minute I part with it I’ll need it, it was mine when I was little, the person who gave it to them loves them so much I don’t want to hurt their feelings by getting rid of it. All of these reasons and a few more keep my house chalked full of kids crap. It looks like Babys R Us and Toys R Us had a baby and it lives at my house. Now, I did try and part with some( not much)  of it last year in our neighborhood garage sale. Of course, I wanted to beat the people over the head with a hammer who had the audacity to try to haggle the already low prices of my children’s baby years. Didn’t they realize the bargain they were getting ? And how many hours I had labored over the decision to part with any of it? Heartless bastards! But I did it. Now, there are things I refuse to part with because I want to pass down to their children or I will make a part of the quilt that I swear I will make both of them with special baby clothes that I hold the dearest, despite the fact that I have absolutely no idea how to quilt. On these items, my mind is made up.
The annual garage sale is coming up and my MIL has been all up my ass probing to ask : “Have you got all your stuff around?” Me: (in my mind) “NO!! Who said I was parting with one more stitch of my childrens past??? Heartless bitch!!” Then there is my Mom, who I adore , but if she says one more time ” WOW! I can’t believe all of the stuff your sister is going to get when she has a little girl (implying somehow that I am required to just hand over all of my girls’ stuff). Oh yeah, and my sister says the same thing. Might I add, she is not even pregnant nor is she in any stage of getting pregnant..she’s just calling dibs!
Seriously, why do they think this? They didn’t buy it for me in the first place, what the hell makes them think I am obliged to give it to them? Secondly, who made this rule that just because I have it, I gotta give it to them? It’s like they think after I have already invested all the time and money, to make sure everything was just so fro my girls, I should just make it easy on them and hand it all over. I know I sound crazy but this is a sore spot for me. It would be like me walking into my Mom’s house and saying, “Wow! When you bite it, I’m gonna be one lucky bitch!” WTF??? Call me crazy, but when the hell did everyone else get the right to tell me when and how to dispose of my babies memories? I may just hold on to all this shit until my girls have their own children. I may have to add a second floor to store it all but that’s my prerogative. And I swear to God, if one more person gives me the “WOW! So and so is going to be so lucky to get all your shit”, I may just punch them square in their throat! See how easy it is to stake your claim on my stuff then!

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I saw this video this morning and it made me smile! Hope it does the same for you! Sometimes we just need to let our super freak come out and play![/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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Anyone who has ever read my blog knows that I am a super advocate of sisterhood. I think that cat fights between women are ridiculous and that if we all spent a lot more time being real and supporting each other, life would be so much better for all of us. Why does it always have to be a competition? My kid does this, does  yours? My husband makes this much money, what does yours make? My house is bigger than yours. It truly is a pissing contest for women! I can keep the house immaculate, my kids listen to everything I say, sleep in their own beds, go to bed at a reasonable hour with no drama, they are reading at a 5th grade level @ the age of four, I eat but can not gain weight, my husband just keeps getting better looking, and my kids are absolute perfection, did I mention they eat absolutely everything I put in front of them. The laundry seems to do itself, I love to cook gourmet meals for every meal, I am completely organic, I made all the baby food and my babies only wore cloth diapers and drank organic, non tainted by caffeine or alcohol breasts milk. P.S. My shit doesn’t stink! I live in a mansion on the corner of bliss and perfection…or was that delusional and insanity?  And you? OK, Bree friggin Van de Kamp…you are not real, you are some convoluted conjuring of what some crazy tv exec thought real life is…not even in the 1950’s, my brother sister!If we’d stop trying to make the other Mommies think we have it all under control without even breaking a sweat, maybe, just maybe we’d have some back up in the trenches instead of one more enemy trying to kill our spirits and crush our souls!
So, as if that is not bad enough, that we are all running around lying to each other about how perfect and easy our lives are, we are inadvertently (or maybe purposefully) making other women (Mommies ,specifically) feel like they are losers because they don’t think life is easy or perfect and neither are their kids and their husband. I mean ,myself,  I’ve actually winced at the prospect of having to go to the grocery store, been brought to tears trying to figure out what the hell to wear out in public to drop my kids off at some class or other, the dishes make me want to kill someone ( actually just myself..I truly hate dishes!I am not above existing on paper products!), my girls still miraculously end up in our bed in the middle of the night, I have actually been reduced to feeding them cereal for dinner (only once..I promise)….though, I must confess, my kids are pretty perfect….to me! All kids are perfect to their parents! My point is my fellow desperate housewives, we would not all be so damn desperate if we could all just get along! Next time you feel overcome with the need to blow crazy smoke up your own ass, in a coffee induced fog of meanness,  Please remember that Mommy that you are making feel 2 inches tall would probably serve you better as a cheerleader than as a doormat!
PSA: Please be kind to your fellow Mommies! She is not your enemy, she is your sister, your friend, your confidant, your tether to sanity!

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Road Tripping with Toddlers

Road Tripping with Toddlers  is not for the week. We are on a mini vacation/ look see around town for my husbands potential new job, in Virginia. First, let me start by saying, this is one of the most gorgeous parts of the country that I have been to thus far in my life. The weather is awesome, the foliage abounds, large cities are concealed by an enveloping plethora of greenery. Essentially, you have big city life with the look of the country and all the amenities of a Beaches all inclusive resort. So, that is where we are Today!
On Saturday, however, we were road tripping with toddlers for 12 glorious hours. Yes, that is correct, 12 hours with a 4 and newly turned 2 year old.Can you say a little touch of hell on earth. My ,otherwise, sweet loving girls do not like to be confined in those 5 point harnesses on a good day on a trip across town. So, imagine their state at taking their very first long drive trip imprisoned in those wonderful harnesses.

My oldest, rambunctious as ever, insisted on asking, every 20 minutes or so,”Are we there yet?” I always thought that was a funny spoof on parenting but now I realize that it is, in fact, the truth of traveling with children. I never realized how frazzling that could be to me as a person. I thought “those” moms have no patience. Just say ,”Not yet, in a little while.” Why all the overreaction? Then I realized that it can actually bring you to the brink of insanity and make a grown woman, such as myself, cry, almost inconsolably, if asked in the right voice and enough times over a 12 hour period.

While the oldest was hitting us with the barrage of “Are we there yet”s the youngest was freaking out of her ever loving mind about a gnat. Yes, a gnat, that supposedly must have been the scariest, meanest, baby eating gnat you ever did see because , god bless her little bitty heart, she screamed bloody murder for at least 3 hours of the trip.Oh, the humanity! So, to sum it up, my 4 year old is wondering if we are there yet, every single second of every single minute we were on the road, my 2 year old is being terrorized by a gnat and screaming so highly pitched, that all the dogs of the world were seeking her out to eat her and end the misery, I am at the brink of insanity on the verge of losing the battle and my poor beloved husband is trying to plot his course to the nearest gunsmith to rent a gun and buy a bullet.
Then I pull out my bag of tricks because obviously the 1200 DVDs that I brought are not holding their attention. First , we color ( you know those Wonder Crayola colors that magically appear on the special paper but nothing else..that’s what you think, but that’s another story entirely), then we color the glittery ones, then we color My little Pony. We sing, only the songs that they know so we had Bella’s favorites, “Twinkle ,Twinkle” and “Mary had a little Lamb” and Gabi’s favorites “Happy Burtday to you!” and ” Five, Five DOlla..Five Dolla foot long!” Yes, my 2 year old is obsessed with the Subway commercial jingle. Have you any idea how many times they play that thing? I do , because she sings it incessantly. Don’t get me wrong, in the right context, it is absolutely adorable. She is the cutest thing that has ever walked this earth, besides her sister, of course, but everything in moderation. Interrupted only by the “Are we there yet?” inquiry of her sister. OK, so brink of insanity on way to gun shop, we stop at lunch and we try and let them stretch there legs at some wayward Wendy’s in West Virginia. Not my idea, have you seen Wrong Turn?
We get lunch, they have ants in their pants and can’t keep still. We get the food, the chicken flavored whatsamanuggets are not done, still doughy,”EWWWW, gross”, as my daughter like to say. I return them. We wait, I return with nuggets, all is good in the land.

Road Tripping With Toddlers

Road Tripping with Toddlers is Hell on Wheels

A ‘fly” dares to descend upon the table. All hell breaks lose. Toddlers jumping everywhere, screaming, crying, running away in terror. I did mention it was a fly and not Godzilla, right? Not a horsefly, just a regular old house fly! In true fix the situation fast fashion, I take off my flip flop and the untimely death of one unsuspecting fly ensues. All is good in the land, and then Gabs, because all of the attention we just received was apparently not enough for her, screams, at the absolute top of her lungs “EWWWW, FAARTED.Stinks”. Absolutely, mortified , I say ” OK, honey, it’s OK.” Then I realize, amongst all of the commotion, she did not have any kind of flatulation incident. Apparently, she just thinks it’s funny and likes to take credit for such occurrence. She is really better than the dog. This is a quirk I am hoping she outgrows.

Bella, my older one starts asking, “Mom, what are we going to do on our vacation?” I say, because I am out of the car and somewhat rational and overly sweet because I am trying to gain redemption from being “Crazy Mommy” from in the car,
“Well, sweetie.we’ll look around the town and eat out, maybe go to Busch Gardens, and we will take you girls to the pool at the hotel.” She look at me with wide eyes,” Even you, Mommy?”

First lets put this into context, I am a Mommy in my mid 30’s, I am a little over weight and a little out of shape, and I hate swimsuits with a passion. I have since I was a teenager. It’s like a taunting suit, it takes every possible flaw you can possibly have and flaunts it to the discriminating eyes of the world. But I do occasionally wear these horrible contraptions to play with my children and because I am determined not to pass my body issues on to them. In response to my daughter, I say “yes, sweetie, even Mommy.” I look at my husband and say ” What the heck, I don’t know any of these people.I’m going swimming!” To which my daughter responds in her most defiant voice “Yeah,I don’t know these people either, so I’m going swimming too!”

How funny, she has no idea about the context but dammit, she’s going swimming!! I’m still in the throes of this mini vacation that teeters between heaven and hell, I’ll post more when we all arrive safely at home, by passing any and all asylums and gun shops…save for that poor Godzilla fly at the Wrong Turn Wendys. The only thing more difficult than Road Tripping with Toddlers is road tripping with TWO toddlers.

How have you survived road tripping with toddlers?

Road Tripping with toddlers Only the Strong need Apply

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