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midlife, change, midlife crisis, middle adulthood

What the hell is midlife anyway? I mean, isn’t it all just a matter of perspective? It’s not the actual “middle of your life” now is it? I mean, it’s no more accurate than saying you will die once you double the age you are when you get your wisdom teeth because some people don’t get them. What are they vampires? No more scientific than doubling the height of your child at 3-years-old can determine how tall they will be because if so, my girls are going to be 7-foot tall. And no more scientific than determining the sex of your baby by how high or low your belly is. It’s all just a bunch of nonsense and so is the myth of the “midlife crisis”.  You say crisis, I say opportunity for change. Hey, I hate labels and nobody puts baby (Jane) in a corner.

Also, can someone please tell me when midlife began at 35? My research quoted midlife as being 34-65-years old.  I certainly plan to live past 70 but I’m not thinking I’ll make it to 130. Is that even possible? But if we’re being honest, my midlife isn’t even allowed to think about happening until I hit 51.5 because I’ve got goals and this broad is looking to live to be 103. Don’t ask me why, it just sounds like a good, solid number for me. Look, I was mad when they called my pregnancy at 31 “geriatric” as if my uterus was on life support but midlife at 35 or 40 is too much. What am I a fucking pioneer? Am I mining coal and smoking 3 packs of cigarettes a day while trying to cross the country in my covered wagon? NO, I’m not. I’m a middle-class suburban mom who has pretty damn good insurance and even better genes.

I’ve never been one to buy into the whole midlife crisis. Well, not for women anyway. I’m pretty sure most of the men that I know who are my age are smack dab in the middle of some kind of freak out over their mortality. This explains all of the divorces happening around us. I’m starting to feel like the Big Guy and I are some sort of anomaly. You know being on our first marriage and all because everyone I know is on at least number 2.

And don’t buy into all that “40 is the new 20” crap. It’s not true. My creaky knees, achy back and not so perky breasts say otherwise. But who wants to be 20 again, anyways? Not me. I was a self-absorbed moron at 20. Hell, if I wasn’t me, there is absolutely no way I could have stood being in the room with myself what with all the narcissism and arrogance. I thought I knew everything and I loved to hear myself talk, to the exclusion of everyone else. In retrospect, I was impossible. Thank God I was cute.

Anyways, I’ve always lived a life of no regrets. I don’t have any unless you count a couple of lost weekends in college or my misplaced virginity. Still not sure where I put that damn thing. Binge drinking and anorexia don’t mix. Anyways, I’m getting off topic.

The thing is I’m beginning to feel like I wish I was 10 years younger. Not because anything is lacking in my life. I love my life except for the fact that I wish I had a little more money, but who doesn’t, am I right? Kids are expensive y’all!

No, I’ve been wishing I was 10 years younger because I know so much more now than I did then and I could really rock my life ten years ago if I knew then what I know now. I finally get the saying, “Youth is wasted on the young.” That’s a saying, right? I’m too lazy and tired from bitching about my misspent youth to Google it.

The thing is you can’t get wisdom without experience and experience comes with living and age. If only we could have the courage of our youth and the wisdom of years lived both at the same time. What I could do with that?

Maybe I could forge my own path? I don’t feel my age and why should I let myself be defined by the narrowmindedness of others? I want to take flight right now. I wasted my youth waiting for the right time and now, I feel like maybe there is never a wrong time to live your truth and pursue your dreams. Life is for the living; there is no age limit.

What are your dreams? If you could do it all over again (with the benefit of wisdom and the bravery and wonder of youth) what would you do?

Why can’t you still do it? Just do it. F*ck a midlife crisis, I’m not in crisis. I’m in clarity and I’m embracing it.

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