The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Wicked Good for the Entire Family
Feeling a little wicked this morning. Something just has my heart nostalgic for quieter times. We are caught up in the storm and chaos of everyday life. Somehow, it seems like the world just spins a little faster once school starts back. I thought things were crazy when the Big Guy and I were dating back in college. We were firing on all cylinders or so I thought. I had no idea what having children and a life together would really mean. It’s truly a beautiful mess and I love it but some days, it is a bit overwhelming so I love when we get the chance to experience something amazing and outside of ourselves together.
Hands touch, eyes meet, sudden silence, sudden heat Hearts leap in a giddy world. He could be that boy but I’m not that girl. Don’t dream too far. Don’t lose sight of who you are. Don’t remember that rush of joy. He could be that boy. I’m not that girl. Every so often we long to steal to the land of what might have been but that doesn’t soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in. Blithe smile, lithe limb. She who’s winsome, she wins him. Gold hair with a gentle curl, that’s the girl he chose and heaven knows, I’m not that girl. Don’t wish, don’t start. Wishing only wounds the heart. I wasn’t born for the rose and pearl. There’s a girl I know; he loves her so. I’m not that girl.
This is the lyrics from one of our favorite songs from Wicked, I’m Not That girl and now it’s a memory we will always share because we experienced it together. You know those special moments that happen when you least expect it.
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Wicked Emerald City Tour
There are people, places and things in life that magically transport us to another time. Most of my fondest memories can be inextricably linked to lyrics to songs, lines in movies or the way I felt the first time I read powerful words movingly strung together on a page. And now, all of these beautiful moments intertwine with my daughters and there is new joy and perspective seeing life through their fresh eyes.

One of my fondest memories as a child was watching The Wizard of Oz with my own mother, every year on Thanksgiving. Our family tradition had nothing to do with Black Friday shopping or things at all; it was about a warm, fuzzy feeling that permeated our togetherness like the lingering scent of a beautiful woman or the reassuring voice of a mother to her child in the middle of the night. Our tradition included football on the television while the food cooked, family sitting around the table sharing what they were most thankful for and then just when we are about to fall into a tryptophan induced turkey coma we’d settle down on top of one another vying for the best seat in the living room, next to my mom, and we’d, almost in a dream, watch this amazing movie. We were entranced for that entire hour and 52 minutes. It was magical.

When I was pregnant, I knew this would be a tradition that I wanted to continue with my own children. It was going to be just as magical as when I was a child. Then while I was pregnant with my first daughter in 2004, I read Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the the West by Gregory Maguire. I was hooked. It changed my entire perspective of a favorite childhood movie. I wanted my girls to know this story. I needed my girls to know the “whole story”.

By the way, 12 years later, I have 2 beautiful daughters who love the theater as much as I do. We’ve spent our years cuddled in front of the big screen watching my old favorite, The Wizard of Oz but I promised myself that one day I would take them to see this amazing musical that was inspired by the Wicked novel. We play the soundtrack on repeat on most morning drives to school; all of us singing at the tops of our lungs.

Last year, I was in New York for business and I knew I had to see Wicked on Broadway. It was my first time actually getting to see the production. I bought whatever ticket I could find available and I went. It was more mesmerizing and magical than I could have ever imagined. It was absolutely amazing and I am not just using that term lightly. It exceeded every expectation I ever had. I left the Gershwin theater hopeful and inspired and knowing that I had to bring my family back. I didn’t even bother with souvenirs because that was almost too cruel. But when and how? We live in Indiana.

A few months ago, I saw that Wicked was touring and I was absolutely over the moon because one of the stops was near me; only a short 1.5-hour drive. I had to make it happen. It’s just one of those situations where you know that you have to do this with your family; like watching the inauguration of the first African-American president or voting for the first woman president or seeing the Grand Canyon or the Aurora Borealis in person. It’s a gift to my children; a memory that they will never forget.

So last Thursday, we took a little road trip on a school night and made our little girls’ dreams to see Wicked come true. Wicked is playing at the Morris Performing Arts Center in South Bend, Indiana until Sunday, September 18th. If you are in the area, you should definitely get tickets and go see this amazing production.
But even if you are not, it’s touring all over the country and I’m sure Wicked is coming to a city near you.
If you live near the New York City area you can catch it at the Gershwin. It will be something you will never forget. Wicked has taken up residence in our hearts and we will never forget the night we all saw it together, not for as long as we live.
Wicked… You’ll be with me, like a handprint on my heart! Because we knew you, we have been changed for good.

Disclosure: I was provided media passes to the Wicked performance but the genuine love and adoration that I feel for this production are completely my own.

2016/09/16
Throat Punch Thursday ~Crushing Debt Ceiling Edition
Debt Ceiling crushing the American People
The debt ceiling that is crushing the spirit of the American people is the recipient of my Throat Punch this Thursday. I am by no stretch of the imagination a financial analyst and I don’t pretend to understand every aspect of the debt that is slowly strangling our nation. I am, however, strange as it may be, a political scientist and am I embarrassed by the child like antics that are taking place in our government today. Basically, its like a school yard disagreement in which the bullies (R) have decided that they don’t like losing the game so they are holding the ball hostage. The ball is the debt ceiling. They want it their way or no way. The president is left with no way to control the ball; where it is thrown or who it might hit. So, he has to stand there, with an “oh shit, someone help me” look on his face, at the mercy of the bullies. Meanwhile, all the poor unsuspecting children (you and I) playing in the school yard ( obliviously enjoying life) are about to get the air knocked right out of us with the weight and force of that ball. The debt ceiling is going to crush us.
The problem is not only that the house is holding the ball hostage but that the government, as a whole, has been playing fast and loose with our nation’s capital. It’s no wonder that most Americans are mortgaged to the hilt, we are following the example of our government. The problem is that once you get in this cycle of spending money that you don’t have, borrowing from others, compounding interest and taking lines of credit that you will never have the capability to pay back, you can’t recover …unless you have some rich uncle who kicks the bucket and leaves you a fortune. Bad news, the United States has no rich uncle who’s about to kick the bucket. We are a beautiful, grand nation in a financial hole. Who cares if you are one of the wealthiest nations in the world if your debt outweighs your worth by the trillions? It’s simple mathematics. Any which way you try to spin it, our past has caught up to us and it’s about to bite us in the ass.
Debt Ceiling has nation in a strangle hold
This is happening to individuals all over the country on a more personal level. What do you think all the downsizing and foreclosures have been about for the past couple of years? The horrible fact of the matter is that once people see you struggling they see you as weak. Next, people try and take advantage. You are broke so let’s just go ahead and raise your interest, cut off your credit and punish you for wanting more time to pay your bills. No! We won’t work with you until you are so upside down in debt that you are losing your job, your house, your car and we are taking the very food out of your mouth. Oh yeah, while you are down there..let’s kick you again for good measure. Now, be a good little indentured servant and stay down. Oh wait, we need to completely crush your fighting spirit so let’s go ahead and tell you that you are ugly and we never liked you in the first place. This is the position that the debt ceiling , where it’s at, is putting us. It is making us vulnerable. Sure it’s fun to hear Jon Stewart call Boehner the saddest tangerine or to see the deer in headlights look the president got when he was pleading with the American public to contact their congress but none of that is productive.
Believe me, there will be plenty lined up to come and kick us when we are down. We need to cut spending. Raising the limit will only prolong the impending doom. If an individual were completely destitute and the banks just kept continually increasing their credit line and compounding the interest would that really be helpful? Hell NO! It only makes the debt bigger, the interest higher and chances are that individual will NEVER pay off that debt completely and so the cycle continues. I hate to say it but my crazy parents were right all along, if we can’t pay cash we should probably not buy the item because obviously we can’t afford it. Maybe we should have some old timers who survived the depression have a chat with government. They could fix the debt ceiling with their sage old school financial planning. I’m pretty sure my grandpa could have made the debt ceiling his bitch; he would have Chuck Norris style karate chopped a sunroof in the debt ceiling…just for sunlight because God knows he would have had it under control.
If you’ve got a Throat Punch I hope you will follow me, grab the Throat Punch Thursday button ( located under the buttons tab at the top of the page), include it in your post and link up. Leave me a comment, I love reading all of your Throat Punches.
Debt ceiling..Raise the Roof or Lower Spending?
2011/07/27
Jammies, Ponies, and Yoga pants…Oh My!
What’s the love/hate relationship all moms have with yoga pants? Where does it come from?
Earlier today I am getting ready to take my girls to one of their classmates birthday parties, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I reflect on something ( excuse the pun) that just hit me like a ton of bricks. Who am I primping for? Who am I blowing out my hair, curling my eyelashes, smudging my eyeliner for? Well, its not my husband because he is at work and by the time he sees this lovely masterpiece, lets face it, it will look like it has sat out in the rain overnight.
It’s surely not for the 12 to 17 preschoolers and toddlers that I will encounter at this soiree. No, as far as they are concerned all Mommies look the same..we just seem to have our own special scents.You know the ones; baby vomit, baby poop, curdled enfamil, baby soap, and maybe the scent of stale cheerios, or a combination of the aforementioned and the ever popular soap and baby love. So, who am I dressing for?
It’s not completely for myself, because, try as I may, I just don’t have the time and energy to be that into myself anymore.T hough, I am making a very conscientious effort to invest more time into myself. I hear the more we put in, the more we get out.We’ll see!
So, again….who am I dressing for? I know its not for other men because, quite frankly, I think that radar went on the fritz the very minute that my wedding ring went on the finger. It’s like we are genetically predisposed or perhaps its more like pathologically brain washed from birth to know that once that ring goes on, we are no longer allowed to be aware if other men are looking or flirting. And so we are not. Sure there are the occasional, accidental flirtations that we nostalgically catch glimpses of and are flattered by…who wouldn’t be? We are, after all, married not dead. But as a rule, we generally are blissfully unaware.
Then it dawned on me for whom we are truly dressing for…other Mommies. Let’s take a look at the facts.They are the only people we normally see on a semi regular basis, their opinion does count to us, and we usually like to appear somewhat put together in their eyes. Whether we want them to approve or just don’t want them to disapprove, that is our target audience.I’m not alone in this am I?
I know most of us have tried the jump in the car in our Jammie pants and throw on a coat, go through the car drop off line and hope no one makes eye contact tactic. Well, actually I have not because I have heard too many times of the horror stories of the poor , unsuspecting Mommmy wearing her Jammies to drop off only to be suddenly called into the principals office or some other tragedy happening. It’s sorta like that warning your Mom gave you about wearing clean panties because heaven forbid you get into a car accident and there you are, poor schlub, with your period panties on. Yeah,because that is what the EMS notices when they are freeing you from your burning vehicle with the jaws of life! Thanks Mom!
Then there is , my very own personal favorite, yoga pants ( running shorts, tennis skirt..insert comfy athletic gear as you like) , t-shirt, and a ponytail.First,Come on, let’s be honest, when I pull my hair back into that ponytail..I know, in my heart, no grown woman should be rocking a pony!
Second, just because we are wearing our workout clothes..are we all actually working out immediately following drop off? I confess, normally, I am heading for a sweating session of Turbo Jam in my living room or a grueling walk around the neighborhood but on other days ( at least one), oh those “other” days, I drop my 4 year old off at school, walk back to my car, drive to my apartment, change back into my Jammies and have coffee on my sofa while reading Cosmo and I don’t even break a sweat. The scary thing is that I think I am making an effort by actually putting on the workout clothes, that is my step up! Lord, what has my world come to?
A few years ago, I would not have left the house for a million dollars without full face on and dressed appealingly to all who saw me. Now, who’s to say if I care, if I don’t, I think it depends on the day and my mood. How can we go from being so meticulous about our presentation to so profoundly unaffected? I do know one thing, Jammies and ponytails in public are unacceptable unless you are four or under.So that leads us back to my original question..who are we dressing for? We figured out its other Mommies, but why does some times it matter and sometimes it doesn’t? I know that I never want anyone to look at me and say,” Wow! She is really ugly” So, why wouldn’t I try not to be?
I ended up at the party looking somewhat presentable, clothes were cleaned, hair was blown out, icing was on the cake and it didn’t take too much effort. So, why don’t we do it every morning? Do we really think that the other Mommies and teachers deserve to be visually assaulted by our Jammies, bed head, ponytails, and (hmmhmmm) workout clothes? I, for one, say no. So, I am making a pledge to try and dress …before I take my girls to school and greet the fine folks at preschool..and at the very least,I will definitely try to do so before my return visit of the day to pick them up from preschool:)See you all at 12:30, hopefully looking considerably better than I did at 9:30!
2010/01/11
5 Ways to Have an Amazing Spring Break on a Budget
Our life is always hectic and spring break is one of those times of year that I prefer to NOT go running off on a family vacation to some place awesome like Disney World because, you know, the rest of the world is doing that. I just want to sleep in and enjoy not having to be anywhere. I want to actually enjoy just being and giving our minds a break.
I like to take the time to relax and enjoy my kids. Granted, we get bored so we need to do more than just sit around staring at one another and it wouldn’t be right to make the kids clean the entire break, ahem, right? Yeah, no. I know it wouldn’t be right.
So here are a few budget friendly ideas for your next spring break.
Indoor camping
There are so many great things you can do just by staying put. We live in the suburbs so first on our list is indoor camping! The girls got an amazing tent, constellation nightlight and sleeping bags from the Land of Nod this Christmas and I know they love camping out. So, one night (or maybe two) this spring break we will pretend we are camping. I will put up the giant tent, lay out the sleeping bags, we will have hot dogs on the grill and s’mores ( in the microwave because it’s snowing today), tell some ghost stories and let our imaginations go wild. This is one of the perks of small children, those imaginations can take you absolutely everywhere without ever leaving the house. The best part is that all play houses and tents are on sale for 20% off through March 23rd.
Local waterpark or hotel
For the last weekend of spring break we are surprising the girls, meeting their cousins and spending a couple days at the Great Wolf Lodge. We’ve never been so we are super excited and by arriving early, staying only one night and leaving late, we are maximizing the fun on a minimal budget. Also, I searched out an awesome discount and that made it even more affordable. We live in the Midwest and unless we drive or fly a few hundred miles south, we’re going to be surrounded by snow and/or wintery weather mix. I hate the cold but if we go to an indoor water it is a balmy 80 degrees. Now, I was not a fan of indoor waterparks until I had children. I prefer the beach but I have found that at the waterparks, it’s always warm and there are so many different slides, pools and activities that no one ever tells me, “I’m BORED!” You may even want to meet up with a group. We are meeting my sisters and their kids and husbands and celebrating a couple cousins’ birthdays while there. We can’t wait! The 7-year-old is marking her calendar. For an added bonus, take Grandma and relax a little. If you want to get out of the house but don’t want the hassle of added cost of a waterpark, you can always just stay at a local hotel with a pool. The kids will love it.
Visit Family or Friends
If you are watching your budget, why not go visit family or friends? You save yourself the cost of a hotel, you get to spend time reconnecting with the people that you love the most and your kids have a blast hanging out in a new city. I’m lucky my family lives in Chicago and it’s only a 3-hour drive, so it’s an easy couple day trip and the city is full of places to go, foods to eat and people to see that my children don’t get to usually do so everyone wins.
Explore Your own City
Whether you live in a big city or a small one, there are always things to do. Check out a new restaurant that you’ve never tried or visit a boutique or shop that you’ve never been into. There are all kinds of hidden gems that most cities have and no one has the time to try new things because we always do what we know because it’s easy. For instance, there is a wonderful art museum right across the street from my daughter’s ballet school. We never go in because we are always going to ballet. During spring break, we are going to check it out and try a new restaurant downtown. If you want to kick it up a notch, get a play date group and do local scavenger hunt in your own city.
Take a vacation from your regular life
If you ask me, the best thing about spring break is not having to be anywhere so why not just relax. Have a pajama movie day. Spend all day coloring in a coloring book with your kids. Have an at home spa day or give each other makeovers. Just do something that you don’t get to do every day like breakfast for dinner or pizza for breakfast. Most of all just try to enjoy your time with your kids because, as I keep reminding myself, they are only little for a little while.
Bonus: We are getting to test drive a Mitsubishi Outlander for the week, so I’ll be completely taking a vacation from my regular life. Can’t wait to tell you all about it.
Disclosure: While all opinions are my own, I was provided product for review purposed from The Land of Nod.
What is your family doing this spring break?

2015/03/22
Mother’s Day Gift Guide for Moms who Love Tech
Mother’s Day is right around the corner and as we all know, every mother like every child, is a snowflake and picking just the right gift can be a daunting task if you forget that the only thing moms really want is something from the heart. That’s all it takes to make any of us happy really.
But if your mom is a techie, like myself, there may be some things that might make her high tech heart smile just a little wider than say a crockpot. But hey, if mom’s in to easy to make, on the go crockpot dinners, a new crockpot might be the best gift ever. Me, I prefer tech.
Here is a list of some of the hottest tech gifts this Mother’s Day:
The Huawei watch
The Huawei Watch Jewel & Elegant is at the top of my list. It’s inspired by the timeless style of feminine beauty. It’s elegant form complimented by smart technology, seamlessly blends in full functionality with flair. It’s more sophisticated and beautiful than the competition and can be outfitted in a number of different styles. It’s all the beauty of a fine timepiece and all the function of a high-end smart watch.
Powered by Android wear, the Huawei Watch makes keeping active and reaching your health goals effortless. A high-accuracy motion sensor keeps track of your activity and knows when you are walking, running or climbing.
Then if you are buying a Fitbit, make sure you look at the waterproof Fitbit models as it’s much better to have it waterproof than not.

The Qardio Base Smart Scale & Body Analyzer
Now, I wouldn’t normally put a scale on a Mother’s Day gift guide but I have to say, I have one and it really is one of my favorite things. The Qardio Base is a smart scale that provides weight and full body composition feedback. It works with an app and provides your weight, BMI and fat percentage. Multiple users can use it and there is even a pregnancy mode that accounts for expectant moms.
Want to know if you’re burning fat and gaining muscle? Or whether you’re actually losing weight not just water? Qardio Base smart scale makes it possible.
It allows you to set your goals and track your progress with clever charts & graphs and it even has a pregnancy mode. It’s the first scale that let’s mom know her body, not just her weight and that makes a difference.

Panasonic Lumix ZS100
Whether the mom in your life is an enthusiast or full-auto photographer, the ZS100 delivers the upgrade in image quality a 1-inch sensor affords with just enough zoom lens for a lot of framing flexibility and the capability to be sufficiently fast enough to capture kids and pets in action. Plus the ZS100 supports 4K video for the sharpest video capture possible. It has everything the professional or novice photographer mom could ever want.
Shield TV
Shield TV is a top-of-the-line Android streaming device from NVIDIA. From its sleek, angular design and the world’s largest app ecosystem to exceptional speed (34x faster) and 4k resolution – Shield TV is packed with ultra-modern features to deliver the ultimate entertainment experience by centralizing your favorite shows, movies, games, music and more in one place. With options for all ages – from PBS Kids to ESPN – and the ultimate Android gaming platform, Shield is the must-have travel essential for family trips.
With amazing Google voice capabilities and microphone-equipped remote, you can now find exactly what you want on Netflix or YouTube without seemingly endless clicks as you scroll through libraries. This means mom can pull up her favorite titles, instantly and virtually hands-free. No matter what she’s doing.

Olloclip 4-in-1 lens system
Portability, great quality and ease of use, the Olloclip 4-in-1 lens system has it all. It delivers the best-looking images. Your mom the smartphone photographer will get a fisheye, wide-angle and two macro lenses using a mount that works with both front and rear cameras of Apple’s two newest smartphones. All of this comes in a kit that offers great image quality while still being easy to carry. The system takes just a second to attach to her phone and stows away neatly in a pocket or bag using the included cloth pouch.

Moleskine Smart Writing Set
The Moleskine Smart Writing Set may be one of my favorite things ever. It is a 3-part system that includes a Paper Tablet, a Pen+ and the free Moleskine Notes iOS app. This system allows mom to turn anything she writes on the tablet into a digital file. No scanning required.
The Pen+ and its built-in camera picks up the code embedded in the pages of the Paper Tablet and uploads it to the Notes app. It is the perfect gift for moms like me who still like to take written notes. What can I say? I’m old school and I like tangible.
These gifts are sure to make the tech-loving mom in your life smile. I know they’d make my techy heart happy.
What’s at the top of your Mother’s Day wish list this year?
Disclosure: Some of these gifts on this Mother’s Day gift guide were provided to me for review purposes but all opinions are my own.
2016/04/27
Thank You for Giving Me the Best Days of My Life
Yesterday, I was very sick and feeling kind of sorry for myself. You know how when you are so sick that you feel like you might cry and you begin fancy yourself a martyr. Yes, I do. I normally just try to carry on but there is a point where I am so sick and worn out that every breath I take, every moment that I am still folding clothes and cooking dinner, becomes a debt the world owes to me. (more…)
2013/04/08
Mommy Truisms:Too Blessed to be Stressed Holiday Edition
It’s a special time of year for us Mommies and so I thought I should share a special set of Mommy truisms. Hope this adds to your holiday enjoyment! Merry Christmas!
- If your half asleep child wakes up in the middle of the night and you are caught red-handed wrapping “Santa” gifts, its better to gently walk said half asleep kid back to bed versus assuming they saw anything and telling them “Now that you know there’s no Santa….”.Believe me you can’t unring that bell.
- If you decide to make the elf on the shelf a part of your family tradition and tell your kids that the elves have magical powers of teleportation, its best not to get caught red-handed removing the elf from your luggage at the in laws house. Again, it’s mighty hard to explain your way out of that mess.
- Speaking of explaining your way out of a mess, if you accidentally use a term that you don’t want your kids to know anything about, do NOT try to make up an explanation on the fly.It will end badly. For example, telling your kid that the “Boogie Monster is like the Cookie Monster but sucks the boogies out of sleeping children’s noses” does not a situation better make.Just shut your mouth and pretend you said nothing.
- When your littles are bugging the ever loving crap out of you wanting to make Christmas crafts, Christmas Cookies, or sing Christmas songs and you are running yourself crazy trying to make it the best Christmas ever..stop, take a deep breath and remember what its all for and about.It can’t be perfect if you are annoyed with the very little people that you are trying to make it perfect for. Forget about the to do list and give those littles a little Christmas….NOW!
- Don’t drive yourself insane searching for the perfect gift.Don’t do it. For the little ones it will change on a daily basis.Use your best judgment and give with your heart.Christmas morning is about smiles and togetherness.If you are there in the moment with them and the love is flowing,it will be the best Christmas ever.
- If you don’t heed the previous warning, as I may or may not have in the past, you may find yourself crying at the end of Christmas morning because the Fancy Nancy book that you ordered special, the easel from France, or the freaking $100 chair you bought them (that you KNEW was going to be perfect) is met with a “why the hell did she buy me this” look.
- Christmas, like life, is what you make of it. It’s not about how much money or how many gifts you give.It’s about the passion with which you celebrate. Do you want your littles to think the season is about money and material things or about the spirit of love, a sacred religious celebration, and spending time with those you love? Remember, we are teaching them what it’s all about.
- Don’t assume every gift your little one wants comes from a store.Sometimes the most meaningful gift a parent can give their child is attention, a warm cuddle, a nose kiss, time together, lap snuggles, bed time stories, and REALLY listening to what your littles are actually saying. The smile these things bring is genuine and worth everything.
- When you are buried up to your eyeballs in snow and and it looks like you are living in a snow globe, and the kids keep begging to go outside, sometimes the best thing you can do is throw on all your layers, go outside and have a snowball fight for 15 minutes. These are the moments that memories are made of, why make the memory be of you saying no.Make the memory be, my Mommy was so cool she stopped the world and played with me in the snow.
- Christmas eve may be about traditions and Santa but Christmas morning is about presents and a big breakfast.
- Stress and worry are the only Mommy emotions less valuable than guilt. Don’t do it!
- When all else fails, coffee and wine will get you through the holidays!
Happy Holidays to each and every one of you. I hope that you have a wonderfully fabulous day basking in the glow of your families love. Kiss those littles, tell your Big Guy how much he means to you, and know that you are a great Mommy and wife.Merry Christmas, my friends.
This song is Christmas to me.
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2010/12/24
Vaseline Spray and Go Gets You Out the Door Freaky Fast
I love this video, it shows just how effectively the New Vaseline® Spray & Go Moisturizer absorbs instantly into your skin, so we women can put our clothes right on after moisturizing. I am not sure that I could put my clothes on quite as gracefully or in as cool a way as Emma, the dancer in the video, but it sure is fun to watch.
Of course, Emma is a professional dancer from London who was trained as an acrobat as a child and then switched to modern dance. She should be in Cirque du Soleil with those skills. I’m a mommy whose groove thang doesn’t work like it used to.
Can you believe the production team started by having Emma try 25 speed dressing tricks before they narrowed it down? Did you see her pull on tights while doing a back somersault across the bed? Holy moly, I would have fallen off the bed and broke my newly moisturized derriere. That was the hardest speed trick for Emma to pull off too, so I don’t feel so bad. Emma said the back walkover into a pair of heels was the easiest trick for her. Show off! I could never have looked so graceful doing those speed tricks; I would have definitely fallen and broken something. Emma was able to do every spot in a single take. Take a look at the behind the scenes video.

What’s not to love about the New Vaseline® Spray & Go Moisturizer? It’s freaky fast to apply and more importantly quick to absorb into your skin. It has a convenient 360° spray that dispenses lotion quickly and evenly and you can even hold the can upside down and it still works. It absorbs in 10 seconds or less. What else can you do in 10 seconds? It sure is helpful to get out the door in the morning. My time is precious, and I am sure yours is too. I don’t have time to wait for my lotion to dry in the morning.
Here are some other tips I have for getting out the door fast in the morning:
1. Wake up 20 minutes before the children. This is key to getting yourself dressed, ready and one cup of coffee in your system before the kids ever open their eyes. Not being whipped into a frenzy while trying to get little people dressed and out the door is a blessing and will make your life happier.
2. Plan your breakfast the night before. Nothing wastes time like staring into the abyss of the pantry or refrigerator. Hey, were you raised in a barn? Sorry, I was channeling my mom for a moment.
3. Make a packed lunch schedule and make lunches the night before and refrigerate over nights o they are ready to grab and go in the morning.
4. Homework! Empty the kids’ backpacks the night before. Take all papers out of the folders, make sure homework is done and sign everything that needs to be signed the night before not in the morning.
5. Give baths and showers to kids at night. Trying to get a half-asleep child to shower without consequence is not a good idea. There will be tears, probably yours.
6. Lay you and your children’s outfits out the night before. Preparation is key to a smooth morning, believe me.
7. If you follow these steps, you will be out the door in no time with your little ones.
Vaseline® Spray & Go Moisturizer is a quick, continuous 360° spray lotion that moisturizes deeply and absorbs in seconds, so you can put your clothes right on and get on with your day! Available in three formulas – Total Moisture®, Aloe Fresh, and Cocoa Radiant™ – this fast to apply, quick to absorb line of lotions leaves skin instantly soft – not sticky or greasy. Find out more at www.maxthemorning.com!
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Vaseline. The opinions and text are all mine.
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This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Vaseline.  The opinions and text are all mine.
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2013/06/28
Throat Punch Thursday: Cigarettes for Babies Edition
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When I saw this footage, I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry. Surely, it had to be a joke. Some trick of the camera. A little person disguised as a a baby. There’s no way, I thought, that some moronic mental dwarf would actually not only allow but introduce and support the nicotine habit of a baby. You heard me right! The Daddy of this toddler introduced the kid to cigarettes. Hey, dude remember the stupid Mom who took the picture of her kid with the bong? She is nothing compared to the idiocy of this Dad. What did he think? It was cute? Funny? Sure, real cute and funny when your baby ( still on a bottle as you can see from the video..I guess he graduated from breast milk the moment he started smoking) is dying of lung cancer. This kid now has a 40 cigarette a day habit! That is ridiculous!
Today it was reported via CNN, that two-year-old Ardi Rizal of South Sumatra, who reportedly smoked 40 cigarettes a day, has broken his nicotine addiction through a 30-day rehabilitation program, according to the Jakarta Globe Thursday. Well, Thank God and the Sumatran version of DCFS for that small miracle!
“He has stopped smoking and doesn’t ask for cigarettes anymore,” Arist Merdeka Sirait, chairman of Indonesia’s National Commission on Child Protection, said, according to another publication, Earth Times.According to earlier reports, the child was placed in state custody after the video emerged and the boy’s parents said he would cry and throw tantrums if he went too long without smoking a cigarette. Well, shit, I wouldn’t want them to put themselves out by having to actually look after the well being of their baby. You know how annoying those damn tantrums can get. Just give the kid a cigarette and shut him up, who cares if it kills him at least his crying won’t interrupt their good time. You know the one they are having using their kid as a parlor trick to show to the local villagers.
It was reported that heavy smoking appeared to have caused the boy’s brain to shrink and could cause other health problems later, Sirait said, according to Earth Times. NO, really? You mean giving cigarettes to a baby is bad for them? I’d say the second hand smoke has caused some brain damage to his parents as well.
“He needs to be in a smoking-free environment so that he doesn’t start smoking again,” Sirait said. Really? You don’t say? So who leaves the hut? Him? Or his asshole Daddy who got him hooked on the cigs in the first place? I say they send Daddy to jail and that solves the problem of no smoking around junior.
Anti-smoking advocates say Indonesia’s tobacco industry markets its products to children, according to the Globe. What can I say, they need to be throat punched along with little chunky Ardi’s parents. Are they actively trying to kill off their children in Indonesia? Any moron that thinks its funny, cool, acceptable to poison a child for money or a laugh, most certainly deserves the coveted Thursday THROAT PUNCH! Come here Indonesian tobacco company and stupid moronic Daddy, I got a couple hot, smokey Throat Punches with your name on it![/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
2010/09/02
The Last Day of another Decade of Life
Today is the last day of another decade of life for me. Of course, it would fall on a Monday on the heaviest day of shark week. This does not surprise me. I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring, as none of us are, but if turning 30 taught me anything, expect the unexpected.
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2012/09/25