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Hamas Barbaric Attack on Israel has Nothing to do with Freeing Palestine
Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
What’s happening in Israel and Gaza right now is not about freeing Palestine, this is about the barbarism, brutality, cruelty and lack of respect for human dignity of life byHamas.
This is the post that’s been weighing heavy on my heart over the past few days. Like many of you, I saw the news filled with the brutality and barbarity that was coming out of Israel. I saw the desecration and humiliation of the Israeli people. My heart was broken to see it. I can only imagine what the families, friends and collective Jewish community around the world is feeling. I am not Jewish but many of the people I cherish, and love are. The grief is palpable.
As I am not Jewish and am not completely familiar with the situation in Israel, I figured it was best to keep my mouth (and website) silent until I did some research. If you, like me, are not familiar with the situation that has been going on in Israel let me give you a quick breakdown, as I understand it.
Israel is occupied by the Jewish peoples, filled with kibbutz’s (largely agricultural communities set up based on the idea of communal living) where people live together as the village and help one another in their day to day lives. It sounds beautiful to me. Gaza borders Israel. Gaza is where Palestinians are under a land, air and sea blockade. For those who don’t know, a blockade is the act of actively preventing a country or region from receiving or sending out food, supplies, weapons, or communications, and sometimes people, by military force. However, it’s my understanding that there is a border crossing into Israel so that Palestinians can work. Israel also exports food, necessities and provides electricity to Gaza. I know, it sounds terrible but you have to consider why this blockade is in place. The blockade was temporarily imposed by Egypt and Israel back in 2005-2006 and then permanently in 2007 following the Israeli disengagement from Gaza. When Hamas took control of the Gaza Strip during the battle of Gaza, seizing government institutions and replacing Palestinian Authority officials with Hamas members. In short, Hamas (terrorists) usurped power in Gaza and then Gaza had to be put on lockdown for safety reasons.
*** What is Hamas?
Hamas is a Sunni Islamist political and militant organization that currently governs the Gaza Strip of the Palestinian territories. In short, Hamas are terrorists. They are an extremist group who have advocated for Palestinian armed resistance to end the Israeli occupation. The establishment of the Hamas government in Gaza in 2007 marked the height of the Fatah-Hamas conflict and triggered the Gaza-Israel conflict. Hamas asserts that Israel’s existence is inherently illegitimate and rejects the Israeli- Palestinian peace process. Hamas has been fighting several wars at varying degrees of intensity against Israel throughout time; pursuing jihad against Israel.
When Hamas took over government in Gaza, Egypt and Israel put in place the blockade. This was done to make sure the terrorists did not escape. Unfortunately, regular civilian Palestinians were also subjected to the blockade because there is no way of knowing who is a civilian and who are the terrorist.
For many years, the Palestinians have been living in this blockade state. It understandably doesn’t feel fair to those who aren’t terrorists. I get why people say, “Free Palestine”. It is inhumane to be made a prisoner without committing a crime, however, the Gaza government is run by terrorists (whom I think most of us would agree are the evilest criminals going).
At the same time, there has political unrest in Israel. This has resulted in a divided Israel. While all this was happening…

On October 7, 2023, Hamas launched “Operation al-Aqsa Flood” against Israel. Hamas militants broke through the Gaza-Israel barrier and engaged in the barbaric massacre of civilian populations, attacks on Israeli military bases and kidnappings and rapes of civilians and soldiers. The assault prompted an Israeli declaration of war and triggered combat throughout Israel and the Gaza Strip. Many Palestinian civilians have also been caught in the crossfire and died as the result of collateral damage. No human life should ever be sacrificed as collateral damage, not Israeli and not Palestinian.
Now, that you have the abridged version of the backstory of what is going on, you must realize that this is not a battle between Israelis and Palestinians, this is a terrorist act against humanity by Hamas. Hamas is the perpetrator of this modern-day genocide. Many of the Jewish people in Israel are those who fled Europe during the Holocaust and their descendants. How can we allow this to happen again? Everyone says, “Never again,” but so many people are silent.
I don’t really care where you stand on the Palestinian blockade or the Israeli government, this is not about either of those two topics. This is about terrorists murdering, maiming, raping, butchering, taking hostage, setting on fire and destroying innocent civilian lives in the name of pure hate. This is terrorists beheading newborns and toddlers. The barbarity and brutality with which this attack was enacted was inhumane. The joy Hamas took at the degradation of Jewish lives is pure fucking evil and if you don’t understand that, are you even a human being at all?
This is not the time to turn away from the news. This is not the time to pretend that you don’t see or know what is going on. This is the time for action. You may not feel like this affects you because you are not Jewish or you don’t live in Israel. You may feel like this is happening across the world and is of no concern to you but you are wrong.
Remember how you felt on September 11^th, 2001. You remember exactly where you were, what you were doing and the complete and utter vulnerability, sadness and grief you felt as you watched those planes crash into the twin towers and then, as you watched the towers fall. It felt like nothing made sense and the world was imploding. You felt helpless and afraid and so fucking sad. Grief is an understatement. September 11^th changed every single Americans’ life. It changed life as we know it.
Now, imagine that happening but then Al-Queda attacking us in the streets; murdering your sons and daughters, raping your mothers and sisters, butchering you babies and shooting or decapitating your husbands and fathers. Imaging them going house to house, murdering your family and your neighbors, ripping your children out of your arms and taking them hostage and then setting fire to your home and burning it to the ground. Imagine your beautiful and precious 20-year-old daughter calling you from a festival telling you that she’s hiding in a bomb shelter and that she’s been shot and is dying, only to hear a grenade go off and knowing that you’ll never see her again. Imagine wishing death on your 8-year-old because death is less cruel than the alternatives. Imagine seeing a video circulating of your child being raped and set on fire as crowds jeer and celebrate. What would you do? What would you want the world to do? You’d want justice. You’d want revenge. You’d want to undo all of it and be safe again in your home, but you know that you will never feel completely safe again. Praying that you will live to see one more day.
No matter your beliefs, your politics, or your religion…attacking unassuming and unsuspecting civilians just living their lives is cowardly and unacceptable. We cannot condone this, and we have to let the world know that we are with Israel. This is not the time to stay silent. Your silence speaks volumes. If you are not condemning the brutal acts of these terrorists against Israel you are condoning it. Speak up. Do not be afraid because if you say and do nothing, you are part of the problem.
To all my Jewish friends and loved ones, I am with Israel, and I am with you. You are seen. I feel your pain and I see your grief and we will never let what happened in Germany and Eastern Europe happen again. We cannot and we will not allow terrorists to continue to sacrifice and slaughter innocent lives; Israeli or Palestinian. This is your chance to get on the right side of history. I stand with Israel.
The bottom line is that there are innocent people being slaughtered in Israel and Gaza and the monsters responsible for all the death and destruction are Hamas. The only enemy is Hamas.
2023/10/12
Throat Punch Thursday: Hot as hell edition
Throat Punch Thursday, obviously its a day late this week. As most of you know, being a Daddy’s away insomniac , I normally do my posts at 2 in the morning for the day. Last night, I was( still am) out of town ( yet again) and by some freak of nature my husband and I were in the same place at the same time..with a ready and willing Mother in Law to babysit.So,I hope you all can forgive me for being a day late but it was between posting my Throat Punch or snuggling with my husband. I chose to snuggle:) But here is the Throat Punch…
This weeks throat punch goes to the ridiculous heat wave that has been hitting the midwest over the past couple of weeks. I don’t so much mind the heat as this awful , God forsaken humidity. What is that all about? How am I supposed to maintain my composure and good looks when I am literally melting. I put on make up, it melts. I put on deodorant..it melts. I take a shower..I sweat before the water has even dried off. I know, sexy , right? I’m all for being a HOT Mommy but not a hot, sweaty Mommy!The humidity is making me retain water. And to top it off, the only thing not melting is my hair. Which I spend an hour a day making look like this
only to walk outside and have it immediatley turn into this
But really, lets be honest..it more like this
So, 94 degrees that feels like 104 degrees, thanks for making me look and feel so beautiful. I especially love the PMS like heat induced sunshiney attitude that the heat has triggered; my family thanks you to.So I am going to put the sunshiney attitude to good use and throat punch the effing heat wave! Thanks for nothing. I always wanted to look like a fat hooker in a church with really bad hair!Happy Friday!
2010/07/23
Back to School Shopping made Easy with Amazon
How did back-to-school come so fast? One day the kids were getting out for the summer and the next day, it was time to go back. Summer was not long enough. The older my girls get the faster the summers seem to go and, to be honest, I’m not loving it. I want to slow down time and hold on for just a little longer.
Disclosure: Amazon sent me the Happy School Year kit but all opinions are my own.
This year, my oldest starts high school, my youngest is right smack dab in middle school and I am going back to preschool. Well, I took a part-time job working with the cutest preschoolers ever. I’d almost forgotten how independent, sassy and hilarious 4-year-olds can be. Back-to-school is hitting me in all the feels everywhere this time.
READ ALSO: The first day of High School was Harder than Expected
For us, back-to-school is like New Year’s Eve. It’s a time for resetting and starting over, especially this year with my oldest being a freshman. It was the perfect opportunity to set some New School Year’s resolutions for all of us.
My oldest girl wants to keep up on her homework, get involved in school spirit and support her teams, stay physically active and get ahead on her reading. I love the way she is finding her way and becoming the fierce, ambitious young lady she wants to be. The girls wear uniforms but they are able to express themselves with their accessories, shoes and bags. Here are some of her favorite Amazon back-to-school finds, Be Brave. Be Bold. Be You. Daily Notebook, Fire HD 10 Tablet and Fujimax camera for taking pictures of all of her new friends to hang in her locker.
Back-to-school with Amazon is easy and convenient.
My youngest loves school and is a social butterfly. She is very into tech and is a bit of a VSCO girl. She’s all about being green, eating healthy and saving the world. But being that she is only 12, she is still very into fun, quirky school supplies. Did someone say Geddes Scented Donut Shoppe Erasers, Zebra Cadoozles Mechanical Pencils , ZIPIT Twister Pencil Case, Wickedly Prime Plantain Chips and S’well Stainless Steel Bottle? She really loves that her MEE KidJamz 3Child Safe Headphones and AmazonBasics Everyday School Backpack match and she’s made them her own by adding funky pins.
READ ALSO: Back to School Breaking my Heart
As for me, I haven’t been hanging out with the preschooler set in ages so I’m stocking up on Boogie wipes, Zinc lozenges and Babyganics hand sanitizer in bulk. I’ve been a stay-at-home / work-from-home mom for the past 14-years so hanging with these little cuties a few hours every day is definitely going to boost my immune system. I should probably stock up on Vitamin C and vitamins, as well.
Amazon makes it easy to get all of your back-to-school needs met in one convenient location. We have a busy life and back-to-school is an insanely chaotic time of year for us, so convenience and dependability are very important to us. We know that we can count on amazon to get us what we need as soon as possible and that takes the stress out of back-to-school shopping for me.
Did you use Amazon for your back-to-school shopping this year? If not, why not?
2019/08/26
Permission to Be….Ourselves
Why do we need permission? Who made these rules we all live by? In the last 24 hours I have went against my “better” judgment twice and both were better choices for me. Yesterday, I was tired and instead of doing what I normally do and miserably powering through my day and just getting things done. Going through the motions really. I stopped. I turned on the fan, closed the blinds and cuddled into my bed and napped for 3 hours. Right there in broad daylight, like I was a baby or a woman of leisure. I woke up and I felt rested and happy. I was in a great mood when I picked up my children from school. I was more patient and kind. I was a better mother than the miserably exhausted person who was there that morning before the nap. I cooked a big dinner and enjoyed the process. I never enjoy the process. It’s usually something that I do because I have to, like laundry. The dinner tasted great. Everything was better but it was all tinged with my secret…the nap. I felt guilty; guilty for actually responding to the needs of my own body. What craziness is that? If I don’t take care of myself, who will? I told my husband my dirty little secret, the nap, and he did not make fun of me or say something flip, he was genuinely glad that I gave my body what it needed. The guilt was lifted and now naps are on the table☺
This is the problem with so many of us. We go through life doing what is expected of us and we are miserable. Who made these rules that we have to follow x, y and z in life? We feel beholden to a certain way of parenting, being married, achieving success even being physically acceptable. If we don’t fit the mold then we feel guilty because obviously we’ve don’t something wrong. We have some deficit. I say fuck the mold. I want to break the mold.
We accept these expectations of us to be fact. They are not! Why are we all made to believe that life is a spinning wheel and once we choose a wheel we are confined to it like a prison for all of eternity? It’s not true and if we just took a minute to think about it logically. If we took a moment to breathe and trust our own instincts, to listen to our own heart, we would realize that we know what is best for ourselves, for our relationships and for our children.
Every day is the chance for a new beginning. I am tired of spinning that wheel that chose me. I want to do what I choose to do; not what life has chosen for me. I want to choose the path my life takes, not follow the path expected of me. I want to be who I want to be not who I am expected to be and more importantly I want to be happy. No one knows what can make me happy and no one can truly make me happy, that is something that I have to take responsibility for. Happiness is internal. It is fulfillment and every person’s fulfillment is different.
I lie awake at night with insomnia worried about all of the things that I didn’t do or need to do the next day because it’s what’s expected of me. I usually go against my better judgment and do what’s expected of me from society. But this morning, after I dropped my daughters off at school as I was pulling out, the car in front of me died. It was a mother who had rushed out the door 2 blocks and ran out of gas. I asked her what happened and she explained. My brother, whose sons also go to the same school, was pulling up as I was pulling over to park to help her. We both got out of our cars and pushed her out of the road and into the median at school. I let her use my phone to call her husband to bring her gas and then I drove her home. Now, to be clear, this is not something I would normally do because you know …I don’t know her. She could have been a psycho or she could have just been a stranded mom. I chose to believe she was someone who genuinely needed my help.
After I dropped her off, I even called the school to make sure they didn’t tow her car because she was so overwhelmed at the situation I doubt she remembered to call them. When I dropped her off, she genuinely thanked me. Someone let me help them. This made my day. It felt great to help her. I felt like I did something good.
The thing is a lot of people just backed out and went around her. It didn’t matter to them that it was 5 degrees out and snowing. It didn’t matter to them that there might have been children in a minivan leaving a Catholic school. They just went around. I don’t blame them because we live in a time where we walk past beggars in the street because we don’t know if they are going to use the money for food or for alcohol or drugs. We don’t stop and help stranded drivers because they could be crazed serial killers who might chop us to bits. We don’t let our kids play outside unattended because everyone’s a potential kidnapper or pedophile. We’ve become conditioned to not trust anyone and our skepticism is keeping us from being the good people we want to be. Our cynicism is keeping us from committing the random acts of kindness we all talk so much about. Don’t get me wrong, an unexpected free cup of Starbucks coffee is fantastic but we can do so much more. We can truly help people in need. We can be happy.
It’s true, we can’t know the hearts of others. We can’t dictate how a homeless person spends the money we give them. We could bring them food or clothes instead of money, I suppose. What we can dictate is how we react to the situation. That is all we can control. We can choose to do the right thing. We can choose to be those changes we want to be. We can choose to follow our hearts and not do what others expect of us because when we do what is expected, we fail everyone, most of all ourselves.
So, I am asking you today to make the decision to follow your heart, listen to your body and do not measure yourself by anyone else’s standards. Be you. Be happy. Love big. Live big. Give of yourself and you will be surprised at what you get in return. In place of going through the motions, you will find yourself living no holds barred out loud and fully. Maybe even taking a much needed nap.
What would you do if you followed your heart? What would make you happy? Give yourself permission to be you.
2014/02/27
Love Letter to my 3-Year-Old
This is my love letter to my daughter on her third birthday. Three years ago today, May 21, 2007, I woke up anxious and excited, scared and elated. This was the day I would meet the most precious little lady that I will ever know. This is the day that I met my joy and sunshine.

Three years ago today, I left your big sister at home asleep with Grandma ChaCha while your Daddy and I quietly went off to meet you. But not before she gave you one last kiss before you entered into our world! She was so excited to become a big sister. She celebrated your arrival for the entire 9 months before she ever met you.

Three years ago today, our video camera decided to stop working and your Uncle Jeff had to drive his in from Michigan. He was happy to do it so we could commemorate your birth. Thank goodness or we would have missed filming the entire thing and then how would I show it to you when we have “the talk” someday? A mom’s got to have something left in her arsenal to add a little shock and awe to the tween years.
Three years ago today, I was told that you were too big for me to birth and that I was going to need a cesarean section but in an effort to birth you naturally, I endured several different embarrassing and uncomfortable positions to prove them wrong (and I did!) Can you say Texas Roll? With the help of a mirror and a nurse laying across my stomach, you came into the world just a little quiet and slightly purple with the cord wrapped around your tiny neck, just like your sister.
Three years ago today, my heart doubled in size to accommodate all the love that I had in my heart to give to you. I was so afraid that I’d short change you both in the love and attention department, but I worried for nothing. The love wasn’t split in half; the capacity to love doubled.
Three years ago today, my eyes cried tears of overwhelming joy when I first saw your beautiful face and so began a lifetime of stolen moments.
Three years ago today, our family became complete.
Three years ago today, Daddy held you in his arms for the first time and you melted his heart and wrapped him around your tiny little finger, all in the same second.
Three years ago today, Bella became a proud big sister and has loved you every moment since with all the love her little heart could hold.
Three years ago today, I became the Mommy of one of God’s most precious blessings.
Three years ago today (and every single day since)I looked down into the giant big blue eyes of yours and I fell deep into love with my Gabi!
Happy 3rd birthday baby! I love you ( and your sister) right up to the moon and back! No matter what, I love you! Even when you don’t like me…Mommy always loves you!
I Love you so much More than a fat kid loves cake…its insane how much I love you!
Today, May 21, 2010, I love you more than words can give justice to. Everyday that I am blessed to be your Mommy is the greatest day of my life! You are my sunshine, GabiLuci!
This is a love letter to my 3-year-old, what would yours say?
2010/05/24
Women, Stop Hating on One Another
So it happened. You know that moment when something just clicks? Well, yesterday something just clicked. I decided to just do it. I am doing it. This morning was the first day.
I’ve been seeing this photo floating around FB of Caroline Berg Eriksen, the Norwegian soccer wife and fitness blogger, in her undies and bra looking like a svelte supermodel four days after giving birth. People are annoyed by her and asking why she would do something like this. People are pissed off. How dare she look that good 4 days after giving birth! It has to be a fake.
Well, not me. I say, Go GIRL! Hell, I don’t know how she did it. I am assuming that she was in pretty damn good shape before giving birth, being a fitness blogger and all and maybe she just has those good genes. We don’t know her story or her struggles. We just saw a picture and got pissed because life isn’t fair. I won’t lie, I’m a little jealous. She’s got my “after” body. You know the body I “hope” to have after getting in losing weight and getting into shape.
My sister-in-law had 4 kids and after every birth, she looked svelte. Of course, she was an athlete and I was not. Both times, I left the hospital at my pre-pregnancy weight, wearing my regular pants, with a muffin top and the best thing that ever happened to me bundled in my arms. As far as I am concerned, I was the luckiest girl in the world. I wish we didn’t all define ourselves by the size of our asses and that we didn’t always compare the size of our asses to everyone else’s asses, but we do.
All summer, I was very diligent about working out. I was walking/jogging 5 days a week and watching and logging every single morsel of food that went into my mouth. It was becoming a habit; a healthy way of living. For someone who has obsessed over her weight for most of her life and then tried to cheat her way to skinny, a shift in my way of thinking and habits was almost a miracle. I was embracing it. I felt proud of myself. Hell, I even felt a little sexy which is something I never feel. My clothes were fitting better and life just seemed brighter. If you’ve ever battled with body image, you know that this was not vanity; this was security.
I felt good about myself and that was something foreign to me but it felt good. Then I went to BlogHer and I fell off the wagon. I was eating whatever I wanted, drinking alcohol to be social and snacking on tiny cheeseburgers at all hours of the night. I just wanted to be normal; enjoy my time with my friends and not worry about food. Fucking food is the bane of my existence but I didn’t just fall off the wagon, I went charging off the wagon head first.
I had every intention of getting back on the wagon when I got back home but I never did. I tried but here I am 5 months later confessing that I gained all the weight back. I am disappointed with myself but instead of doing something about it, I just fed my shame with more carbs and it made matters worse. Since Halloween, all bets have been off. My eating habits have been like a runaway train chocked full of poor choices and absolutely NO.EXERCISE! Every day is a perpetual walk of shame. If you’ve ever been heavy or unsatisfied with the skin you live in, you know what I am talking about.
This is a mighty slippery slope for the girl in recovery from Eating Disorders. I’ve caught myself lately thinking; maybe I should just throw that up. Mostly, I don’t but in all honesty, a couple times I have; silently and quietly and then I find myself thinking, I can do this. But I don’t want to and I don’t let myself but right there in my brain, I know the cheater’s solution. I know how to gain control of this runaway train (or maybe just trade it in for a better looking model). I have little girls and my selfish days are long over, I can’t be that horrible example for them. I need to be better than that, in spite of myself. I need to be strong. I need to be healthy.
I’ve had some very inspirational women present in my life lately; my sister with hard work, exercise and a change in eating habits has changed her life. My friend Erin is bravely facing her challenges in life and getting stronger every day. It’s not easy but she is worth fighting for, finally she knows that. My friend Jenni is one of the strongest women I know and she never gives up. She dusts her self off, does what needs to be done and kicks another day’s ass. My friend Niki always keeps going, even when she is too tired and weary to take another step. She stays positive and never loses sight of what’s important. My friends Amy & Jennifer, they are busting their asses and you can see the changes in their bodies, minds and in their spirits. They are happy and determined. All of these women are changing their lives by making the decision to face the hard choices and to take control when the whole damn thing is out of control. They inspire me. I am happy for them. I support them for being their best even at life’s worst an for persevering even when life’s challenges seem insurmountable. I want to do the same.
I don’t need to knock anyone else down in order for me to stand tall. Who cares if Caroline Berg Eriksen looks unnaturally perfect after giving birth, we don’t know how she’s come to where she is in life and we don’t know her struggles and challenges. Truly, I’ve got plenty to worry about in my own house, like my own weight and making sure I am being a good example to my girls, I don’t have the time or energy to be hating on a new mom who looks fantastic. I’m happy for her because I wouldn’t wish unhappiness with your body on anyone.
I am doing it. Today, I made the decision to stop listening to the self defeating voices in my head and know in my heart that I can do this…the right way. Thank you for the inspiration ladies.
2013/12/03
Three People Who Saved My Life and Didn’t Even Know it

This post is made possible with support from the American Academy of Pediatrics through a cooperative agreement with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. All opinions are my own.
I grew up in a big family with an even bigger extended family. Our family wasn’t just the people we were related to. It was also the people in our community whom we loved and who loved us and cared for us, too. I am grateful for those people who were there when I needed them most.
My parents are good parents. They’re even better grandparents. When I was small, they were new at parenting and, like all of us, they didn’t always know the right thing to do. I’ve made mistakes as a mom, just as all of us do. But I survived those moments thanks to good intentions and the village that was there to help guide me when I was a little lost and couldn’t find my way. In many ways, I’ve thrived because of the positive childhood experiences I’ve had.
I did however live through my fair share of ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences). ACEs are negative childhood experiences that impact children and can have long-lasting effects. There are 10 ACEs, and they fall into 3 categories: 1) Abuse (physical, emotional, or sexual); 2) Neglect (physical or emotional); and 3) Household dysfunction (mental illness, domestic violence, divorce, incarcerated relative, substance abuse). Thankfully, ACEs can be prevented or mitigated when adults and children have strong support systems through individuals or organizations.
There are a lot of traumatic things that can happen in a child’s life, including death, pandemics, or natural disasters, but ACEs can be prevented either directly with help from another person, or indirectly through policy, education, or society changes such as paid family leave or prison sentencing laws.
The ACEs that I experienced were physical and emotional abuse by a father who was an alcoholic. He has since stopped drinking. He has been sober for most of my adult life, but those early days have left their scars. His alcoholism sucked all of the air out of the room. This isn’t to say he wasn’t a good dad. When he was sober, 5 days of the week, he was a devoted, loving, and involved father. But when he was drinking, he was selfish, mean, quick-tempered, unpredictable, and volatile. He was scary, maybe even more so because when he was sober, he was so good.
His behavior had ripple effects. His instability caused my mother to spend a lot of her time distracted, overwhelmed, afraid, and unhappy. She loved us so much, but it always felt like she was withdrawn, even though she was always physically there. She teetered between being emotionally removed and overly emotional. For me, I never felt like she was completely present; putting out fires while awaiting the next crisis.
In turn, this caused me to pick up the slack, and that impeded my childhood. With 6 children, a volatile father who drank, and a mom who was always overwhelmed, worried, and afraid, I was left feeling abandoned even when I was living in the house with both of my parents. They were physically there, but I felt very alone. I needed to talk. I needed to be seen. But I was just one more thing on their lists of things to survive, and sometimes, my needs were too much for their patience that day.
Each day was an unknown—maybe it would be a day at the beach followed by a cookout and laughter, or maybe it would be a drunk dad, an overwhelmed mom, and a slap or a belt buckle for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I just never knew, and that was my entire childhood until I went away to college, which may have never happened if not for a few special people who saw me drowning and threw me a buoy. University was my escape plan, but these people were integral in helping me get through some of the rough patches.
Thankfully, for as many adverse childhood experiences as I had, I also had many positive childhood experiences with my parents. Luckily for me, a few very special people’s simple acts of kindness towards a little girl in crisis helped me to grow into the person I am today. They’re the reason I’ve always made myself available to lift children up when I can, to advocate for my children’s friends, and to be a champion and cheerleader for my girls. I learned from the mistakes and the kindnesses of the adults in my life. Our actions, good or bad, have ripples and can make a difference in other people’s lives, especially a child’s.
There were many but these are the three that I would like to thank:
Mrs. Vrabel, my 2nd-grade teacher who took a special liking to me and saw me at a time when I needed to be seen. She nurtured my gifts and praised me at a time when I was one of five children under 7 at home. She made me feel special when my parents were too busy, tired and overwhelmed to do it themselves.
My Tio Narci and my Tio Ramon, who both made the time to talk and listen when I was trying to understand what was going on with my parents’ fighting and my dad’s drinking. They made me not feel alone, and I felt safe knowing they were there to intercede when my mom couldn’t. I felt heard when my voice felt small. They stepped in on my behalf to remind my parents we were still there watching—afraid and confused. They made me feel normal at a time when my life felt out of control.
My friend’s mom, Linda, who I will never forget. To this day, I adore her. A lot of things were happening at home when I was a senior in high school. It was all so much that I was depressed and, at one point, suicidal. School wasn’t very important to me. I knew college was my escape plan and I got good grades, but I was depressed and I just didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to be anywhere.
By that point, I was suffering from eating disorders, and that was just one more thing I had to hide. I suffered from a lot of stomach issues from anxiety from my home life, so I missed a lot of school. My mom let me stay home because she knew what was going on and that was the only thing she could do to help. My English teacher tried to fail me for the last quarter of my senior year because of my attendance issues despite my grade being an A.
He would have succeeded. I was terrified when he gleefully told me. Yes, he smiled. He didn’t know what was going on at home, and he didn’t care. That wasn’t his job. He just knew that I missed his class a lot, and he felt that deserved punishment. Did I mention I was #3 in my class? Did I mention that I had been in journalism, yearbook, and newspaper for all 4 years of high school? Did I mention I took 2 languages, all 4 years? I was the nerdy girl who worked her tail off to get accepted to every college she applied to. I got a gold seal on my diploma. But he tried to fail me, and I had no one to advocate for me because my parents were otherwise engaged.
I didn’t know what to do. Then my friend, Laurie, stepped in with her mom, who happened to be on the school board. The teacher was overruled because all of those journalism classes counted as English coursework, so his one quarter was not going to affect my overall requirements. She saved my future when no one else could or would.
I’ll never forget what these people did for me. They saved me at pivotal moments in my life when I could have been lost. It’s so important to create safe, stable, and nurturing relationships and environments in childhood, which are essential to lifelong health and success as well as the prevention of ACEs. Prevention or mitigation is possible when adults and children have strong support systems through individuals or organizations. That’s the idea of preventing them directly. You can help other people and stop ACEs from happening, and other people can help you and stop ACEs from happening. That’s why support networks are a necessary component of preventing ACEs.
These three people changed the trajectory of my life. I am who I am, in part, because they were in my life when I needed them most. Are you one of some child’s three people? Are you a resource that children can rely on to create those safe, stable, and nurturing relationships and environments? How can you be part of someone else’s “three,” and provide that vital support that every child needs growing up?

2020/07/24
My So-Called leisurely life
I’m flipping through the channels trying to find something to watch on television, after all, it is the first time I’ve sat down all day and I need to decompress. One daughter’s in bed and the other one is all ready to hop in my lap and hold me hostage for a couple hours until she drifts off into lala land. I happen upon Dr. Phil. Imagine my intrigue when I hear the topic is a study done by a Dr. John Robinson of the University of Maryland ( you’ll want to remember this name, take note).His study has found that Mommies have 30-40 hours of leisure time per week. Holy shit batman, did you all know this? What am I doing wrong? I mean obviously I am doing something wrong, because at 8 pm tonight was the first time I had sat down all day…and I’m sick. Then he went on to explain. Apparently, root canals, being stuck in traffic, probably the time you spend changing your spat up on and peed and pooped on clothes, the time you spend asking the same question 30 times of your 3 year old, the time you spend trying to talk on the phone, make breakfast, and do laundry all at the same time..that all counts as leisure time. According to him, we are working more at home than men but we don’t get paid so its considered “leisure” time. Talk about adding insult to injury!
I don’t know about you but my idea of “leisure” is sitting on a beach somewhere, reading a book with nothing but the sounds of the sea gulls flying overhead, the smell of the beach in my nose,and a beverage with an umbrella in my other hand. That’s leisure. What I do every day is definitely not leisure.Working tirelessly from 6 am in the morning until around 2 am every night of the following day, leaves me with about 4 hours of very interrupted sleep. Is that suppose to be my leisure time? If it is, I am getting ripped off because I am only getting in 28 hours.
By his definition, the two hours I just sat in the chair trying to argue my 2 year old to sleep is considered leisure time. I find that amazing because to me that felt more like jail time!
2010/03/31
Jennifer Garner had the Audacity to Go Jogging Make-Up Free

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
This past Saturday, actress and doting, single mom of three, Jennifer Garner, was spotted in her residential neighborhood of Brentwood jogging with a friend. While doing her best and incorporating some cardio exercise into her almost certainly busy day, she didn’t let the rain stop her.
The actress was caught running with a makeup-free face, hair pulled back in a messy bun, like most moms I know on most days. This is one of my absolute favorite things about Jennifer Garner, her relatability but at the same time absolute bad ass mom. Not everyone sees it that way. In fact, some critics were calling her names like “old plastic granny” and “platypus”, one man, even had the audacity to say, “Another single mother! She looks…60 years old grandma!” Be careful internet, your misogyny and ageism are showing.
Let me interject something, as a 50 year old woman who walks a 5K everyday rain or shine, sweltering heat or cold 40 degree mornings, without makeup, in a baseball cap, we are not doing any of it for you. Not for any of you. In fact, we give no shits about what you think we look like or think. We’re doing it for us. We are doing it for our children. We are doing it for the people we love and who love us. We give no fucks what 50 something Joe Single, who probably lives in his mama’s basement, thinks. Keep your opinions to yourself. Better yet, just shut all the way the fuck up.
Why does society think it has the right to comment on women’s looks? I don’t know Jennifer Garner’s “why” but I know mine. I am 50 years-old. I am newly peri menopausal and on some days it feels like my body is foreign to me. I physically and mentally look and feel differently than I did when I was younger. I have different priorities and a different perspective. That doesn’t mean I am less than, it means that I need to do what works for my new state of being. I’m diabetic. I have children and a husband who I adore and choose to revolve my life around because that is what I signed up for. I don’t regret it or begrudge it but, on some days, it can be really fucking hard and I’m human. Jennifer Garner is human and as much as we try to ignore hurtful comments, we’re human. Even if your opinion doesn’t matter, it hurts our feelings.
Do you know how hard it is to carve out 30 minutes to an hour a day to exercise? It feels like a luxury. It’s not. It is maintenance to stay alive. Some men spend hours a day at the gym trying to get shredded and no one is talking shit about them spending too much time away from their family or looking like a ball sack while sweating their asses off and making their taking a shit faces. No, they are commended. But let a mom, who already feels guilty for doing anything for herself, alone, even in the name of her health and everyone and their mom’s got to weigh in. Fuck them.
I walk for my health and sanity. I walk for Vitamin D, for my ADHD, for an hour to clear my mind and focus, honestly, on some days, for the health and safety of my family. I want to live to be a really old lady, one who might actually look like a platypus at 103 and you better believe that I will proudly be walking my 5K and looking like a drowned rat because this is for me and the people I love, not some random assholes who have nothing better than to do than criticize a woman doing what they aren’t capable of doing.
Getting older is hard for everyone. Nobody relishes the thought of feeling old, irrelevant or forgotten. Even though in this case, feeling forgotten would be the kinder option. Absolutely no one is excited about looking older. We all struggle. It takes time to acclimate and get used to our new state of being on a good day, without anyone pointing it out.
Society encourages us to grow old gracefully. We try. But that same society either treats us like we are invisible or offensive for simply trying to exist in a society not meant for us. Something I’ve realized as I age, I always feel 25 years old and, some days, I feel 18 and, then, there are the days when my knees feel 87. But on every single one of those days, I am worthy of existing. Aging does not mean that you are useless or have nothing left to contribute. We still have feelings and we are conscious of being pushed out and away. Everyone does. No one likes those feelings, not when we’re teenagers and we like them even less as adults. When I think of how our parents and grandparents must have felt, or feel, watching a world and society progress, while intentionally and aggressively telling them to stay put; treating them like they have nothing of worth to offer, it breaks my heart.
All this to say, it would have been absolutely weirder if Jennifer Garner would have been seen out running in the rain with a face full of makeup. Then the critics would have said she is trying too hard to hold on to her youth. See, you can’t win for losing in other people’s eyes so just be yourself, do you boo and be happy. Fuck the haters. They will never have what she has and not achieve what she’s achieved.
The only person any of us are accountable to is ourselves and the only people we owe any care to what they think is those people we love, and even then, it really boils down to what we think about ourselves. Love yourselves like your mama loved you. Run in the rain. Dance like no one’s watching. Speak your truth. The only person you need to care about what they think about you is YOU. Don’t let other people, smaller people than you, people who don’t matter tell you how to live your life. In a world of plastic and filters in a curated existence of perfection that doesn’t really exist, strive to be a real, good human. You are beautiful and you matter; you always have and you always will.
2023/09/06
Bellapalooza!
This is my beautiful daughter who is about to be 5 years old on the 10th of March. We just had her 5th birthday party on Saturday, with all of our friends and family. Her theme, completely of her own choice, Moulin Rouge. Yes, that is right, my 4 year old chose for her theme….Moulin Rouge. The entire party was done in pink and black , complete with pink and black cake…made by Daddy, as he does very year. The Pink Diamond costume was made by Grandma and Bella was tickled pink, pardon the pun. It’s amazing how easy it is to make children happy. I love her smile and will do absolutely anything in the world to see it. All was moving swimmingly until she was opening gifts, such an innocuous thing. I was taking photos and it was like she was literally growing up before my eyes. All I kept thinking was, hold on a minute….slow down, wasn’t it just last year when you were eating cake for the first time on your first birthday? Then she’d say something so grown up like, “Oh my gosh, thank you all so much. I wasn’t expecting so many gifts!” Then, she got to the gift from us. She squealed with delight and then…. she opened the card. I had purposely gotten her a musical card, her and her little sister are simply over the moon for those cards.This it what it said; “Imagine a perfect day, where happiness and love feel as bright and warm as the summer sun and all the dreams in your heart come true…and you’ll know what its like to spend a day loving you!” Obviously, I know the card was meant for a couple but the sentiment was so perfect. She opened it and it played “It’s a wonderful world” and I about lost it. I was all in hysterics (on the inside). I was holding back tears and biting my lip, while snapping photos. When all I really wanted to do was go over and give her a big ole snuggle and keep her in that moment…forever. She was so happy and over joyed in that moment.She thought it was awesome and was thrilled that I had gotten her a card that made music,never mind what the card said. NO, the contents of what that card said and the message I wrote in it will all mean something much more important to her in 20 years or so.There is nothing so magical in the world as seeing your child genuinely happy and smiling their “real” smile. Her actual birthday is Wednesday and we will be celebrating Bellapalooza in style, as we always do. It is one of the most important days of my life and I think it should be celebrated and commemorated. I feel like it is my birthday too, as it is the day I became a Mommy.It is the day I was born a Mommy! In that moment when I first held her, I was transformed and changed forever. Happy Birthday , my beautiful amazing princess!
2010/03/09