The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Throat Punch Thursday; Seriously, its all fun and games until someone gets hurt!
There is a lot going on in Bangkok this past week, as I am sure you are all aware. But amongst all the chaos, couping, and the red shirts losing their minds trying to force the Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva to step down. Something much worse than all of this still has happened in Thailand this week! Please refer to the footage below.
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Can you believe this shit? Amongst all of this political warfare,with the red shirts trying to force the resignation of Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva more than 40 people have been killed and hundreds wounded in the past week , when weeks of mostly peaceful anti-government protests morphed into what is looking more and more like civil war. The Red Shirts, named for the color they wear, want the prime minister to resign and call new elections, and have paralyzed the capital for two months to that end.
Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva has refused to step down, calling the protesters’ tactics “terrorism,” and has now unleashed the military’s full force against them. He went on national television earlier this week to declare a curfew until Thursday morning, banning anyone from leaving their homes without military permission. With all this happening, fire broke out and Bangkok is basically burnt to the ground. My problem is not with the coup or the actions of the Prime Minister, though both are unfortunate..my issue is with the sorry assholes who thought it would be a good idea to use a baby as a human shield. Where was this kids mama? OK, I was semi supportive of the red shirts..if the Prime Ministers an asshole..hey boot his ass out. If you need to organize to do it. I’m cool with that too! But when ‘by any means necessary’ entails holding babies in front of grown men! I say..HEll to the NAH!!! If these guys are going to man up and become engaged in this political game of tit for tat, at least do it yourself don’t hide behind an innocent baby. I’m hoping a sniper comes in and shoots them in the head, just to put the poor baby and any other unsuspecting babies out of harms way!
So, this Thursday’s Throat punch is definitely awarded to the red shirts for unsportsmanlike behavior ! I wish I was in Bangkok to deliver it myself; swift and painful justice for all people who use babies as shields in any way. You know who you are…don’t make me throat punch you !
2010/05/21
The Birth of Christ for the Social Media Savvy
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MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! I had to share this for all my social media savvy friends.
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2010/12/25
Father Singing Blackbird to Dying Newborn Son is Most Beautiful thing on the Internet
Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
take these broken wings and learn to fly,
All your life…
You were only waiting for this moment to arrive.
Imagine losing everything and then imagine losing it again, all within a few days. According to Chris Picco Youtube video description…
Chris Picco singing Blackbird to his son, Lennon James Picco, who was delivered by emergency C-section at 24 weeks when Chris’ wife Ashley unexpectedly and tragically passed away in her sleep. Lennon’s lack of movement and brain activity was a constant concern for the doctors and nurses at Loma Linda University Hospital, where he received the absolute best care available. During the pregnancy, Ashley would often feel Lennon moving to music so Chris asked if he could bring his guitar into the NICU and play for Lennon, which he did for several hours during the last days of Lennon’s precious life. One day after filming this, Lennon went to sleep in his daddy’s arms.
For more information please visit: https://www.piccomemorial.com
To donate to a Memorial Fund to help with medical bills and associated expenses, please visit: https://www.youcaring.com/memorial-fun…
The clip shows musician Chris Picco singing to his son, Lennon, in the hospital shortly after the death of his wife. I know the heaviness that is in his chest. This is tragic and beautiful all at the same time. The entire situation is a tragedy but the time he got to spend with his son, even if it was only for a few hours, I am sure will always be regarded as one of the biggest miracles of his life; the most profound moments of all consuming, unconditional love.
My thoughts and prayers are with this father who has just lost his entire world.
2014/11/14
How To Help Your Teenager Through Exams
Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
School just got out for the summer but I’m already thinking about how to better prepare my girls to succeed next year. Exam time can be stressful for both teenagers and parents alike. As a parent, you realize that the results your teenager gets at school or college will reflect the path they take afterwards. Now, I’m not too worried because I know that there is no one path to success but some paths are definitely easier than others. If your teenager can do well, it could set him up for the future. This is why you need to know how to help your teenager through exams.
Although our teenagers will have to rely on their own knowledge, there are some things you can do to make school and the exam season much easier. If you’re wondering how to help your teen get through her exams, check out the following tips.
Meal Prep
One of the best ways you can help your teenager tackle studying for exams is to make sure she eats well. Eating and drinking properly is essential. Your teen will need the vitamins and nutrients for good brain function and to maintain energy levels.
If you’re seeing your teen going back and forth to the fridge for energy drinks and snack bars, they may not be eating well enough. Do her a favor and make sure she eats three nutritious and well-balanced meals a day to give her the best chance at absorbing and retaining all the information she’ll need to do well on her tests.
Avoid Adding Pressure
Many teenagers say that they feel pressure from their families more than from anywhere else. It’s easy to unconsciously make your teen feel under pressure by hovering too much or asking a lot of questions. I know I’m guilty of this and I never thought it was putting pressure on them until my girls told me it was. Now, I think before I start asking too many questions about exams. Maybe you’ve even offered incentives for doing well. Bet you didn’t realize even that can feel like immense pressure to a kid studying for exams.
There are many variables that contribute to the grades that each child will get from their exams. It can depend on revision time, nerves, whether your child got enough sleep, and all sorts of things. Encourage your teen to do well but take the pressure off. I like to tell my girls to just do their best. Really, that’s all any of us can hope for.
Good Sleeping Patterns
It can be tempting for your teen to stay up late trying to cram in revision hours before an exam. Who amongst us hasn’t spent an all-nighter cramming for exams? Not only is this counterproductive to remembering information but it’s also unhealthy. My freshman year of college, I stayed up all night studying for a chemistry exam only to fall asleep at dawn and miss my exam.The best thing your teen can do is sleep well and use the hours available to study.
Although you have no control over when your teen goes to sleep, it can help to explain why being well-rested before an exam is so important. Encourage your teen to get as much rest as needed before an exam.
Play Games
Your teen is going to need a break from studying every now and then. These mental breaks are important for clarity and taking time to have some fun. Games are a great way to have some fun while still keeping the brain engaged. My girls and I live for our Mario Kart brain breaks.
However, more cerebral games like Chess, for instance, are ideal for engaging your teens brain and developing problem solving skills. Even though your teen is taking a break, he’ll be able to return to his studies with the ability to continue without too much effort.
Study With Her
There may be some subjects that you aren’t familiar with but that doesn’t mean you can’t help your teen study. If you want to be hands-on with helping your teen, getting stuck into study with her is ideal. Find a quiet place to sit together and test your teen on his knowledge.
You can ask questions from what you read on a page or ask typical exam study questions from past exams. This can be particularly good for teens with ADHD. Spending this time is a good way to bond together and your teen will remember that you were there to help when she needed you.
Recognize Exam Stress
Most teenagers have a healthy amount of exam stress. However, some teenagers may suffer with an unhealthy amount. For instance, some teenagers may display signs of severe anxiety, insomnia, loss of appetite, and many more. This happens to be the case for my girls who both suffer from extreme test anxiety.
If you recognize any of these symptoms, it’s worth talking to your teen about what you see. Make sure your teen knows that physical and mental health should always take priority over exams and you’re always there to talk if she needs to.
Let Little Things Go
Perhaps your teenager has a chore list to do around the home. Maybe she’s responsible for walking the dog in her spare time. During exam season, these things need a little more flexibility.
If you notice dirty plates in his room and his dirty clothes are still unwashed, give her a pass. You can help her by taking on a few of these jobs so she has more free time to study without feeling overwhelmed by everything she has to do.
Be Positive
Have you ever read the information on a page three times and still not been able to take it in? Preparing for exams takes a lot of effort and there will be times when your teen may feel like she’s failing. Be positive and supportive during this time so she knows you believe in her.
Make her feel like as long as he does her best, she can’t fail. Empower her to be confident. No matter what the outcome of her exams are, she can forge her own path if she works at it. Where there’s a will, there is always a way.
Study Space
If you’re able to, create a dedicated study space for your teen that will help to set her up for success. If she’s trying to study in the room she shares with a younger sibling, it may be hard to get anything done. Find a quiet and secluded place for her to study, even if it’s just temporary.
It’s also worth explaining to other family members ( younger siblings, I’m talking to you) that your teen needs space and quiet while she studies. Doing well in exams can be a whole family effort when your teen needs a helping hand.
Exercise
Teens cannot live on studying alone. The brain doesn’t work as well without good blood and oxygen flow. Encourage your teen to take walking breaks to get her body moving. It could be as simple as getting up and walking up and down the stairs in your home.
Even better, go for a walk with your teen outside to get some fresh air too. Healthy body and mind for everyone. This will be a huge boost to your teen and she’ll go back to studying with renewed energy and perspective.
Listen To Any Concerns
Don’t assume your teen has no concerns because she hasn’t voiced any. You may be surprised at what your teen is thinking if you ask her. Take some time to talk to her about how she’s feeling about her exams. And make sure she knows that her feelings are valid.
Try to validate her concerns and offer support. Often the best thing you can do is listen, rather than trying to offer solutions. You don’t always have to be the fixer. If your teen feels heard and supported, other things will fall into place.
Reward Effort
Rather than offering an incentive for results, think about rewarding effort. You’ll be able to see how much effort your teen is putting into her studies. Regardless of the results, if you know your teen has worked hard, reward the effort.
This will show your teen that effort is worthwhile and hard work pays off in many different ways. It could mean that your teen is willing to try again if she should fail this time around.
Ask For Support
If you can see that your child is struggling with a particular subject, it may be worth getting some extra support. An hour a day with a tutor at home could make all the difference to your teens exam results. How your teen is taught will affect how she feels about the subject and exam results.
If your teen hasn’t got a good teacher at school, some extra tuition could change everything, including your teen’s confidence.
2024/06/12
Precocious Puberty~ A Mother’s Prayer…for NO Pubic Hair!
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Kimberly Danek Pinkson
My girls are growing so fast, in a blink of an eye puberty will be hitting us over the head like a hammer. It seems every new day brings a lost tooth, a growth spurt of some sort, a new amazing feat they can perform or skill they have learned. In all reality, I am in constant awe (you know, with the exception of those days that I feel that I am watching paint dry). I’d say between my two girls I spend 97% of my life having my breath taken away. Some days it feels like it is all going by too quickly and I just want to slow it down a bit and enjoy it more. Then my friend, whose daughter is 7, drops this bomb on me….her daughter is getting underarm and pubic hair.WHAT??? Apparently when she was giving her little girls their nightly bath,she noticed a few tufts of hair after her daughter said she couldn’t get her underarms clean. Poor kid.
Puberty before the age of 10, say what?
Yes, you could hear a pin drop when she told me that, with the exception of the thud of my jaw hitting the floor. She, like myself, tries to feed her girls a reasonably healthy diet. They are pretty diligent about the organic/no hormone milk and dairy products, eggs, fruits and veggies. Her girls are not overweight. They are an average upper-middle class Caucasian American family. Yet, her little girl is on the brink of prepubescence. This thoroughly freaked me out. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was changing diapers? I’m still wiping asses ( I just wiped one before I sat down to write this post. Don’t worry I washed my hands). What kind of cruel world is this that little girls who are still in need of their Mommies to bathe and wipe them ….should start getting pubic hair and menstruating? If you’re looking to remove unwanted body hair without worrying about waxing, cuts, or razor burns, look no further than the list of the best bikini trimmers here https://emeraldspa.com/best-pubic-hair-trimmer/.
Precocious Puberty;Dont be Fooled by the Name
They call it Precocious Puberty. It sounds all cute and adorable. As if cramps and mood swings are anything but terrible, especially for little girls. Don’t even get me started on the onslaught of hair growing in places you least want it. And so I am compelled to write a little prayer to God or the Goddess Mother Nature ( whomever you believe is responsible for this early onset puberty sweeping our nation and whomever can actually do anything about it).
Dear God,
It’s Me..Truthful Mommy (I’m sure even God thinks that’s my name by now) are you there?
Please let my little girls stay little for a little while longer.
I want to cuddle them and read them to sleep.
I want to kiss their foreheads and all their booboos and make them magically all better.
I want picnics in the park, uncontrollable giggles because I act like a goofball. I want innocence and virtue.
I want to be the best thing since sliced bread, for a little while longer.
I want to get to know them a little better before they become hairy, hormonal beasts.
I want the time to bond deeper before they hit that place in puberty where I am the enemy.
The moment that I become the dumbest, most ignorable and annoying person in the world.
I’m pretty sure this happens on the first day of spotting.
I am not ready for all that just yet.
Please wait until they are passed the age of losing teeth and learning to ride bicycles before bestowing their monthly visitor upon them.
I know with puberty, precocious or otherwise, comes boys.
You know we are not ready to deal with boys!
Dear God, most of all I pray for health and happiness for my girls.
Please give them a few more years to get their feet firmly planted on who they are before turning them into someone else.
This is my mother’s prayer.
Please, God…no more pubic hair (at least not for a few more years)!
For now, let’s just say no to early onset puberty (Amen)
Puberty, Precocious or otherwise
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2011/08/09
Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 17 – Don’t Ask. Tell.
Yesterday’s Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 16 – Say what you mean…
was a little difficult. I am a talker and I tend to over think and over talk everything. I think at my girls’ young ages they have already learned that Mommy likes to make idle threats. Its not intentional. I just threaten and then I hate to actually punish them.But I have been working on it.For example, the other day my girls got shots and they were very brave. I promised them that for their bravery I would reward them with a trip to Target and the luxury of each picking out 1 item ( Not to exceed $10). We finally made it to the store and of course they both headed right for the $30 dress up dresses, bypassing the $10 Barbie clothes they had said they wanted. I almost (ALMOST) bought them the dresses but I felt conflicted because what kind of message was that sending to them? I mean it was only a innocuous dress but what kind of life lesson would this parlay into..one day, I will tell them I’ll buy them a used sedan as their first car and they will go to the car lot and head straight for the brand new sports cars. NO thank you. I must stick to my words. I must say what I mean and actually mean what I say. So, after a couple of tired girls having a couple of major meltdowns. I issued the either we stick to the $10 limit or we leave and if crying continued…we are still leaving. Amazingly enough,they both quieted up and we left with the $9 ( clearance) dress up shoes, leaving the $30 dress up dresses behind for Santa to buy:) How did it go for you ladies?
Today’s Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 17 – Don’t Ask. Tell. We’re a question asking society, particularly the fairer sex, who often end statements with some sort of question mark – perhaps not intentionally, but all the same. We inquiringly raise our voices at the end of most sentences instantly turning it from a statement to a question. Why? Do we need constant validation?
Even worse, many people (moms and dads alike) ask their kids questions when they probably should be making statements. Seriously, the biggest mistake we make today is asking questions that we already have the answer to. It’s like we are giving them just enough rope to hang themselves. They are children, there should be no choice of whether or not they want to eat their broccoli, go to sleep, or brush their teeth when they are young. We are their parents, we need to guide them; not confuse them with unnecessary questions.
“Do you want to get down?”
“Can you turn off the television?”
“Time for bed. Okay?”
In this time of parents treating their children like little people, instead of actual children, we have lost our authority. I feel like we are also putting unnecessary pressure on our children to make decisions that they are not equipped to make logically. When they answer with their id and say a resounding (my personal favorite) “NO!”,we’re screwed.Rhetorical questions really are lost on children. Haven’t you ever heard, if you don’t want my answer then don’t ask the question? This is what these questions set us up for aggravation and disappointment. We bring it on ourselves. Our challenge is to tell them what is expected of them. To be their parent and let them be the child. Once they are old enough and have been guided enough, they will make the right choices. I’m not saying to be a tyrant but we do need to be the adult.
We’ll talk about giving your kids choices later on, but for today, work on making statements and losing the whole “okay?” or “alright?” – most importantly when you’re giving directives. Those really shouldn’t have a “yes” or “no” option.
2010/08/17
Throat Punch Thursday~ Girls? We Don’t Need No Stinkin Girls Edition
This weeks Throat Punch was sent in by one of my great friends. You know it’s truly worthy of a throat punch when your friends in the real world send you an email with the subject Please Throat Punch. I read the article she included and boy is this worthy of a throat punch of epic proportions. It is so horrendous that I am actually speechless. So I will simply share with you excerpts from the actual article.
MORENA, India – The room is large and airy, the stone floors clean and cool — a welcome respite from the afternoon sun. Until your eyes take in the horror that it holds. Ten severely malnourished children — nine of them girls.
The starving girls in this hospital ward include a 21-month-old with arms and legs the size of twigs and an emaciated 1-year-old with huge, vacant eyes. Without urgent medical care, most will not live to see their next birthday.
They point to a painful reality revealed in India’s most recent census: Despite a booming economy and big cities full of luxury cars and glittering malls, the country is failing its girls.

The discrimination happens through abortions of female fetuses and sheer neglect of young girls, despite years of high-profile campaigns to address the issue. So serious is the problem that it’s illegal for medical personnel to reveal the gender of an unborn fetus, although evidence suggests the ban is widely circumvented.
“My mother-in-law says a boy is necessary,” says Sanju, holding her severely malnourished 9-month-old daughter in her lap in the hospital. The woman, who goes by one name, doesn’t admit to deliberately starving the girl but only shrugs her own thin shoulders when asked why her daughter is so sick.
Part of the reason Indians favor sons is the enormous expense in marrying off girls. Families often go into debt arranging marriages and paying elaborate dowries. A boy, on the other hand, will one day bring home a bride and dowry. Hindu custom also dictates that only sons can light their parents’ funeral pyres.
But it’s not simply that girls are more expensive for impoverished families. The census data shows that the worst offenders are the relatively wealthy northern states of Punjab and Haryana.
Though abortion is allowed in India, the country banned revealing the gender of unborn fetuses in 1994 in an attempt to halt sex-selective abortions. Every few years, federal and state governments announce new incentives — from free meals to free education — to encourage people to take care of their girls.
n the district hospital’s maternity ward, a wrinkled old woman walks out holding a just-born girl wrapped in a dirty rag like an unwelcome present. Munni, who uses only one name, is clearly unhappy. Her daughter-in-law has just given birth to her sixth girl in 12 years of marriage.
Will the daughter-in-law go through another pregnancy?
“Everyone wants boys. A boy takes care of you in your old age,” Munni says.
As a mother-in-law, Munni will likely have enormous control over her son’s wife, influencing how many children she has and nudging or bullying her to bear a son.
“Women cry when they have girls,” nurse Lalitha Gujar says as she spoons powdered coconut, peanuts and sesame seeds into bowls of fortified milk to nourish the tiny children.
All nine mothers of the sickly infant girls say they want sons — to look after them when they get old, because their sisters-in-law have more sons, because their mothers-in-law demand male children.
“If a woman has a boy, for a month she will be looked after. If she has a girl, she’ll be back in the fields in three days,” says Sudha Misra, a local social worker.
An exhausted mother who faces neglect, poor nutrition and blame for producing a daughter is likely to pass on that neglect, social workers say. For an infant, that can mean the difference between life and death.
“A malnourished child will get sick and the chances of death are very high,” Bandil says.
For the very poor, the pressures to bear sons result in mistreatment of both the baby girl and mother. And rich women are not immune to this mistreatment if they fail to bear male children.
For those with money, it’s often about being able to locate a radiologist who, for a cost, will break the law and reveal the sex of the fetus, or being able to fly abroad for such tests.
Throat Punch to you India for allowing such unspeakable acts..not only do you look the other way at such behavior, if caught you basically only issue a small slap on the wrist to those who violate the law. What the hell is wrong with you? You say that men are more desirable. I know that you are not the first or the only country to feel this way, but riddle me this..how the hell do you expect the species to survive if you murder the very people..the ONLY sex, that can have children. You say your sons will take care of you. Well, who is supposed to have the sons if you murder all the potential brides and mothers. As a mother of daughters, this behavior is disgusting and intolerable. The world needs to put a hard stop to this. We need to give more than a slap on the wrist. We need to give India a Chuck Norris Throat Punch to knock some sense into them. Girls? We don’t need no stinkin girls! Yeah..yeah you do. Without little girls, there would be no women, without women there would be no babies, with no babies ,there will be no little boys. With out any little boys, there would be NO MEN! Gendercide sucks and those that perpetrate it deserve more than a theoretical throat punch.Let the little girls live!

2011/05/05
Tips for Raising Teenage Girls and Not Damaging Your Relationship Part. 1
I’m officially the mom of a tween girl and a teen girl and honestly, I’ve been afraid of raising teenage girls ever since I was a teenage girl. Hormones make teenage girls feel crazy and I was awful in so many ways. I occasionally read my old diaries to remind myself that I was the worst. This allows me to have some patience with my own teenage girl.
Don’t get me wrong, I got straight A’s and I didn’t smoke or drink or do drugs but I was driving at 13 and going to clubs in downtown Chicago since I was 14. But it was very innocent because I was so naïve. I know how ridiculous it sounds.
We’ve hit that point in raising teenage girls where I can’t say, “When I was your age…” because I’ll be ratting myself out and giving them too many bad ideas. I would die if Bella wanted to drive my car or, heaven forbid, asked to go to a club in the city. I’d be too worried. Apparently, I am way less cool than my mom must have been. I want to tell my girls to keep singing at the top of their lungs when the rest of the world tells them to be quiet. That’s the kind of mom I want to be.
What were my parents thinking? Maybe I didn’t even ask. Maybe I bent the truth as to where I was going and what I was doing. I can’t even remember. I’m sure my teen brain rationalized it somehow. I just know I was doing a lot of things that could have gone really terribly and been pretty dangerous, only I was too stupid and pumped up on hormones to realize it.
READ ALSO: Dear Me: A Love Letter to my 13-Year-Old Self
My youth was not misspent, it was very much lived and I have no regrets but the thought of my girls doing some of the things that I did, scares the hell out of me. I’ve spent some time reflecting on what it really means to be raising teenage girls and figuring out how to get through this phase with our relationship intact and without them doing anything that puts their lives in too much extraneous danger.
Here are my tips for raising teenage girls (and tween girls) that I’ve learned so far.
Let them be who they are meant to become.
You have to stand back to give them space to make mistakes and not judge them and tell them that you told them so. You’re a parent so your main job is to love unconditionally and support them, even when they don’t make the choice you would’ve recommended. The difficulty of this task is not lost on this reformed helicopter mom.
Speak positively.
As a mom, for the past 13 years, I’ve had to learn to lose the sarcasm and learn to speak more positively. Thankfully, for all of us, I was getting my Masters in Elementary Education when I got pregnant with Bella and so I had a couple years of actual courses that taught me how to interact with small children. Positive reinforcement is always better than punishment, so moms, always look for the sunny side, even in the teen years.
Remember to breathe and count to ten.
This one is hard for me sometimes. Patience is not something that comes naturally to me. I am very much a speak first then think kind of person. But, especially since entering the tween years, I’ve made it a point to stop and step back for a moment before reacting. That doesn’t always work because I’m a human but just the fact that I am cognizant of the situation helps me to react better to my girls.
READ ALSO: How to Talk to your Tween about Everything
See past the eye rolls.
Oh, the amount and severity of eye rolls that I have endured while on my journey to raising teen girls has been head spinning. I find this tween/ teen habit to be particularly offensive but I try to remember how often I rolled my eyes at my parents (and still do to people on a daily basis) and I try not to be too offended. I know it’s not personal, teen girls think everyone and everything is stupid. This is their defense for when they don’t understand, don’t approve or don’t know what else to say. I’m not even sure they know they are doing it anymore so don’t take it personally and if you can, ignore it. Easier said than done.
It’s good to have expectations but don’t force your agenda on them. You can’t relive your life through them.
Your teenage daughter is not your chance to relive your youth. Don’t force them to be who you were; who you wish you were or who you could never have been. My philosophy is that they are people and by the time they are teenagers, they have formed some thoughts and beliefs of their own. You have acquired wisdom from living through it already once so be there to guide them and offer advice but you cannot tell them what to like or enjoy. They are their own people. Let them be fierce.
These are my tips for raising teenage girls (and tween girls) that I’ve learned so far.
Well, I started writing this post and it ended up being very long, so I am making it a 3 part series. I will publish the rest of the 15 tips over the next weeks.
What are your tips for raising teenage girls?
2018/04/12
Why this Mother’s Day was More Special than Any Other
I wasn’t sure what to expect this year for Mother’s Day. Normally, my only wish is peace, a clean house and not be needed. I appreciate a good day off of mom duty. I know it sounds selfish when so many moms just want to celebrate with their children or their moms but really all I want is a quiet house with no one asking anything of me. I want 24 hours of no responsibilities and no one depending on me for anything. I want to just be me. Somehow this Mother’s Day was more special than any other.
Normally, what I’ve wanted is exactly what the Big Guy has given me. It’s a Queen for the day situation. Well, to be honest, with the Big Guy, he always treats me like a queen just this queen has to do dishes and break up bickering matches between teenagers and fold laundry. Being a queen is not all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes, I just want to drive somewhere with my favorite music blaring singing at the top of my lungs or eat what I want to eat or watch a rated R movie or binge a foreign film series without judgment. I hate the feeling of expectation. You know when the world gives you some side-eye as it wonders pretty damn aloud, why you aren’t doing something else…something they deem productive? No, just me?
READ ALSO: A Mother’s Day I’ll Never Forget
I grew up in a house where weekends were not for sleeping in; they were for waking up even earlier to get more done. And you never had the luxury of being bored because my father would find some household chore for you to do. Everything was never always done and there was plenty to go around. And so, now, I find I almost impossible to relax if anyone else is around. If you are anyone who could possibly expect anything from me…you can rest assured that I cannot relax.
But this year, Mother’s Day fell on quarantine, so did the anniversary of my miscarriage which I observe every year as my national day of grief (this year I had an audience because everyone was underfoot), as did my husband’s birthday, our 21^st wedding anniversary is this weekend and my daughter’s 13^th birthday. This shelter in place is really jacking up life as we know it. My expectations for Mother’s Day were pretty low.
I didn’t expect gifts because who can go shopping. I didn’t expect fancy brunches at a restaurant or visits from my mom or my sisters. All I wanted was my day off but how? We’re all in this quarantine together so I couldn’t really expect alone time. All I really wanted was no bickering between the kids, no housework for me and not to have to worry about dinner. Done, done and done. But something was different, aside from the world being in a coronavirus tizzy… my girls did something different.
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I don’t know if it’s the fact that we’ve all been quarantined for over 2 months or the fact that they are getting older or maybe they just were trying to make me happy with their thoughtfulness but they surprised me. Both girls posted sweet messages on Instagram with pictures of us from when they were little. It wasn’t about the picture on social media it was the fact that they said how much they loved and appreciated me, with specifics, online, in front of everyone. They’re teens.
Not to be that person but my 15-year-old called me, “Diosa,” which means goddess. Fuck a queen, my girl thinks I’m a goddess and she called me her best friend. Then, she thanked me for making her the “bad bitch” she is. Now, I don’t like women being called bitches but when my teen thinks of herself as a “bad bitch” I call that a mom win.
My youngest, who I’m pretty sure hates me on most days because fucking hormones and she is my teen wonder twin, told me not only that she loves me so much but more importantly she said that I’m always there for her and never give up on her which I don’t ever but I wasn’t sure she realized that until that moment. The fact that she does lets me know that I’m on the right track. God knows we moms spend so much time trying to figure out what’s going on in our kids’ heads. It was so nice for them to tell me.
READ ALSO: The Best Mother’s Day Gift Ever
Not going to lie, I’ve done a lot of shit in my life. I’ve accomplished a lot. I’m well-educated, well-traveled, I’m cultured and I believe that I can do anything that I set my mind to and still these two girls are and always will be my legacy, my greatest achievement. My goal is to raise good human beings and that’s a lifetime position. It’s hard work; it takes up all of my time, my energy, my heart and my soul but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Their words, those notes, unprompted and unsolicited expressions of love, meant more to me than any gift ever could.
I don’t know what you did for Mother’s Day or how your family celebrated you but I hope they made you feel like a Diosa, a goddess, and I hope you know how much they love and appreciate you. You’re a bad bitch and I see you. So when you’re tired, exhausted from no sleep, dealing with tantrums or bickering teens, sick children and it feels like nothing in the world is going right…you’re homeschooling and you’re never off duty, just remember inside the crazy storm of motherhood, there is a calmness. Motherhood is misery peppered with profound moments of bliss. I know I’m a day late because I was trying to just be yesterday but Happy Mother’s Day to each and every one of you. May the odds be ever in your favor.
2020/05/11
Let’s Build Something Beautiful Together for Our Daughters
Let’s build something beautiful together. Let’s change the world and fill it full of good humans. Let’s raise young girls to become strong women who demand respect and equality. I want International Women’s Day to be every day from now until infinity.
I am the mother of girls. All day long, for the past 14 years, I #Girlmom. When I found out that I was having daughters, I was thrilled immediately tinged by sadness for the struggles they would face as females. The truth is that being born a woman is both a privilege and a curse. More privilege than curse but still it has its downsides like inequal work pay, permanent second class citizen status, being seen as the “weaker sex”, rape culture, the government has one hand in your uterus at all times, being ignored and invisible, or catcalled and objectified and so much more.
Personally, I think there is nothing so magical and fierce as a strong woman. From the moment I knew I would be raising daughters, I had every intention of raising strong girls who would grow up to be unstoppable women. I felt like this was my time to make my grand contribution to the world, beyond my words, thoughts, deeds and actions, I wanted to leave a legacy of raising good, kind, strong females who are tolerant advocates for themselves and others who need their voice to raise up and call for justice.
Today is International Woman’s Day and I feel like I would be remiss to not to celebrate it, especially as the mother of girls.
Society tends to make women feel like second class citizens in so many ways, I want my girls to know they are first class in every sense of the word. How do we do this in a time when we are telling our girls they are equal but they are seeing that the world does not see them that way? We work twice as hard to build them up. We arm them with educations, strong female role models and the fundamental belief that they are better than good enough and equal to any man. We do this by showing them, not just telling them. We start by loving and believing in ourselves.
It is our jobs as mothers to show our little girls that maybe it’s hard to be a woman in our society but it is also the most beautiful thing in this whole world. We can do everything men can do plus we can bring life into the world. We create miracles. Our bodies are magic and that’s the way we need to appreciate them. We do not need to chastise ourselves because our bodies don’t fit some Barbie doll mold created by the expectations of men. We need to embrace it for all of its curves and beauty.
We need to show our little girls how important it is to have good relationships with other women. Life should not be about competing with other women. We need to teach our girls to lift one another up; to support and celebrate one another. We do not need to divide ourselves. We need to unify and stand strong arm in arm.
Our girls need to know that they don’t ever need to shut up. They are not too brazen for speaking up for what they believe in. They are not asking too much to be treated with the same respect and dignity that any man would demand. You are not less of a woman because you want more out of life than society dictates that you should have.
We need to encourage our girls to travel more. See the world. Teach them that nothing is impossible and everything is possible with hard work. Our girls can do and be anything. Let them know that we’ve got their backs as their mothers and as their sisters in womanhood.
Stop teaching our little girls to be princesses who need to be rescued by a prince. Teach them to rescue themselves. A prince is not your savior; he is your partner. He is the man you will share your life, love and friendship with. Teach our girls that a partner is nice but not necessary to live in this world and to never sacrifice herself to fit anyone else’s expectations.
I’m raising caring, kind, open-minded fighters. I’m teaching them to never back down or step aside. I want them to hold their heads up high and to be proud of who they are and how they live in the world. I don’t want them to lower their standards or settle in life. I want them to know that contrary to what society would have them believe being born with a vagina is not a handicap, it’s a superpower.
I’m drilling it into their brains that no one has power or domain over their bodies, their minds or their souls. It’s ok to say no loudly and bravely. Speak their truth and the world will listen. Feminism is not a bad word and it’s okay to tell the patriarchy to go f*ck themselves. They are not the boss of you.
This is how we celebrate International Women’s Day by fighting for equality every day and showing our girls that they are strong enough to weather the condescension of misogynist. We show them that being considered the weaker sex doesn’t make you less than, it makes you underestimated. Be strong ladies. They have no idea how powerful we are.
How are you celebrating International Women’s Day with your daughters?
2019/03/08