Yesterday was day 1 of the Be a Better Parent challenge at Motherhood Uncensored. The first challenge was being present. I tried. I really did try. By the end of the day,I still found myself tuning them out…especially when all of the whining at bed time started going on. I did do pretty good the rest of the day; not perfect, but I tried. I am a work in progress and today as I am doing challenge #2, I will also be incorporating being present. How did you do? I’d love to hear.
Today’s challenge, as you may have surmised from the title of today’s post; Punish without anger! I think this is a hard one for all Moms because normally by the time we actually punish our children, they have been doing something repeatedly and we have hit our threshold. I am not really an advocate for spanking because I got it as a child and I really hated it. It didn’t really teach me anything but to be afraid of the actual spanking . It didn’t teach me a valuable life lesson, other than I don’t like to be hit.So, spanking is a non issue fro me. I don’t advocate for spanking. It never seems to get the result you want. My punishments for the girls usually end up being threats..mostly idle. Yeah, I know, not helpful! I take things away…play dates, t.v’s, toys, events, etc. But when I hit my threshold, the deliverance of the punishment goes something like this… “(ROAR) I can’t believe you just did that. (BARK) Apologize! (SNAP) Go to your room! (GROWL) No TV for a week! (RAWR!!)” Definitely, not ideal. I am sure that my verbal lashing is as awful as any spanking. ( Hangs head in shame) I hate the guilt of it and hate that I can not control my reactions. I am working on that. I was suggested the Magic 1-2-3 book ( actually I’ve had it collecting dust since Bella was born. I just never thought it would work). Today is the day I read that book and try something new. The roaring and frightening the children is not what I want to convey to them. I don’t want the lesson to be that Mommy is a lunatic. I just want them to understand that bad behavior is not rewarded and that actions have consequences. If any of you have any great ideas for punishing without anger, please share. I would love to hear them.
Today, I take the challenge and while being physically and emotionally present to what they are saying and doing, I will also be reacting with understanding and maturity….or ,at the very least, trying to do so. Baby steps! Baby Steps. I will let you all know how the Magic 1-2-3 works out! Happy Mothering!
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Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 2 – Punish without anger
Fragile; Handle with care
Seems lately, I have been spending a majority of my life in a never ending holding pattern. Think about that for a moment. Really think about it.Not moving forward, not achieving anything….just holding steady; making noise. On but not functioning.
I think a lot of moms feel this way sometimes. Like you are not living up to your potential but at the same time, you are doing everything you can to get by. Using ALL of your effort, just to get through a day. Well, now take that and multiply it by about a 1000 and you will be closer to the place I have been for the past few months. It’s starting to take its toll on me. I can feel myself slowly becoming weaker ; more vulnerable. On some days I feel like I’m walking around my life like an exposed nerve. Just waiting for the slightest breeze of change to send me into a tailspin. I feel like a broken record ,s o if you feel you’ve heard it before..walk away now.Many of you are familiar with the situation that has consumed our lives for the past year and a half. There was May 2009, January 2010, and Now; life has been really rough with all this going on. I have been trying to hold it all together with minimal meltdowns and a stiff upper lip. It’s not always so easy. It’s very hard to run a household, take care of the children, pay the bills, run all the errands and keep the schedule with no respite; no help whatsoever. But it is much harder when you have a husband that you are happily married to but, due to circumstances beyond your or his control, he is not there. It makes me angry to know that I did all the leg work to have this marriage but I receive none of the benefits. We’re not divorced, we truly do love one another, he’s my best friend, he’s a good father, and thanks to our economy he is pulled away from us. I think it’s a completely different feeling than if I were a single Mother or we were divorced because its like having money and not being allowed to spend it versus just not having the money. It’s sort of like that you don’t miss what you never had. Well, I
hadhave it, but I don’t have access. Which is possibly the most frustrating scenario ever.Anyways, aside from all the other craziness, now we are getting ready for school to start. My eldest baby ( yes, she is still my baby) is getting ready to start kindergarten on the 19th. This will be a difficult day for me. I know this.Exposed nerve alert! Just the thought of that impending doom makes me tear up. It’s very emotional to let your child take that first step into growing up. It’s bigger than any first step thus far, at least that is how my heart is feeling right now. Due to this situation we are in, I am not sure that my husband is going to make it to the first day. It’s our first child’s , first day of kindergarten! You know, the first day of the rest of her life. This day will never come again. I feel that it is crucial that he is there, for all of us.He has missed a lot these past few months because of his job and I think this is unmissable; not just for her but for him, as well. So, to catch you up to speed; Mommy is in an emotional state of an exposed nerve; eldest girl is nervous about kindergarten and new school and her life completely changing; little sister will have a breakdown ( On the first day of her sister’s preschool, she screamed and cried as we left “BELLA!BELLA!” ( Just imagine Brando saying “Stella” but in the voice of a distraught 2 year old.) and me..trying to hold it all together. I don’t want to do this alone. I shouldn’t have to. This has me filled with trepidation and sadness. Is it wrong for me to want my family to be able to cohabitate like a normal family? Is it wrong to want my husband around for support? I mean, I don’t want to be a pain in the ass but when is it going to end? It all just keeps getting piled on! So, this is where I am..an exposed nerve.
Then, good news..great news. He’s been interviewing for about a month ( yes, you heard me right) with a company that would put him in a position that he would love. We get the call, with an offer that is acceptable. Great news, in theory. It means yet another move. It means its too late to get into a good school at this late of a date. It means having to try and sell our house (nobody buys in the Midwest after Labor Day) meaning we are screwed until next spring. It means finding all new schools, it means finding new doctors, dentists, ballet schools, friends and the list goes on and on. It really is good news but we can’t move until the house sells. What does all this mean? It means my husband got a great new job at a horrible time of the year for putting our house on the market, it means the taste in my mouth from trying to sell it last year on our previous move is still fresh in my mind and it scares the hell out of me, it means I’m still alone until at least next spring. I am trying to be positive and hold it all together but its hard when you’re an exposed nerve and there is no relief in immediate sight. Nobody ..NOBODY understands how this feels, unless they’ve been in this position ( for this long) and I don’t know too many people who have been in a holding pattern for this long. I know, in my mind, that when it is all said and done we will be in a much better position in our lives but the hard part is trying to survive the meantime. I deserve to be moving forward in my life,with my children, with my husband, with my dreams..not holding steady; holding on for dear life. I want to enjoy my life not just survive it. I think I can, I think I can….
My Cup Runneth Over
As I look around my house, I see tiny shoes and tiny socks scattered all about. There is a plethora of hand made gifts, drawings of my girls and myself magnetized to my over sized fridge. It makes me smile to see what my life has become. It may be hard at times to get through the day to day craziness but when little bodies fill my lap, or little hands touch my face before giving me a wet goodnight kiss, when tiny voices lift up their love to my heart..these are the moments of extreme bliss. This is the reward for all of the time spent worrying about my children, our lives, the next big thing, missing my life before my children. In perspective, there is nothing better than being the Mommy to my girls. I don’t even remember my life before my girls blessed it. It seems like a faded, hazy dream that wasn’t that impressive and soon forgotten. I’m not saying it wasn’t good, I’m just saying it is much better with my husband and girls in it.
I have my days when it all feels overwhelming and I long for the days of me time and free time. I long for lazy Sundays squandered in bed, late night, uninterrupted talks with my husband , coming and going as I please. I do sometimes but I really think I am remembering with rose colored glasses. If I think really hard, I remember being bored a lot of the time. If I really think about it, before my husband and children, there was a hole in my life..a large, gaping, life swallowing void. That sounds so 1950’s doesn’t it? I don’t really care if it doesn’t sound cool. I care that when I really think about my life in its entirety, I am exactly where I always wanted to be. I am home. I am blessed with greatness; my cup runneth over.Throat Punch Thursday- Escape from Spring Break
I’m fully aware that my Throat Punch Thursday is 3 days late but there were extenuating circumstances – Spring Break. Who name it that anyway? No doubt some father who gets to go off to work for the week. If you are at home with your children during spring break, you realize there is no break about it. It is complete chaos.
So, my girls have been on spring break this week. This means I have been all sorts of discombobulated. They have encroached on my work time and my general routine. I love these two little girls but damn it if the ear bleeding screeches and the whining aren’t about to make me stab myself in the ears with a Q-Tip.
On top of all of that wonderfulness, I have contracted some sort of virus that is taking me down with the force of a giant with a bad attitude.
Sure the week was chalked full of fun: putt-putt, go-karts, repurposing a shed into a club house (Password: Girls RULE!), cleaning my garage in preparation for a garage sale, more cleaning, lots of eating junk and we saw The Croods (which made me cry ) and Oz the Great and Powerful (which made me pray there is another sequel in the works because it was so amazing) and now we finish it off with a bang. Not only have a almost completely lost my voice from this sickness, my back is also on the fritz, so the girls have not been listening (claiming they couldn’t hear me yelling) and its been general chaos and now, I am under the influence of a fever. I cannot even imbibe in wine for fear that my already irritated sinuses will mutiny and take out my entire face.
Tonight, Spring break and I play a game of chicken. Tomorrow we have tickets to Disney on Ice but tonight I have a fever. Let’s see who swerves first. I’m going to see the damn Disney on Ice. I’ve wanted to go since I was a kid and my parents couldn’t afford it. I am taking my girls…even if I have a fever. I will pop some ibuprofen and a muscle relaxer for the spazomatic back and we will be good to go.
I used to love spring break. The thought of having my girls at home with me this year was especially appealing because they are both in school all day but instead, by Monday I was thinking I should have planned some sort of work travel during spring break. They have been completely insane and me being sick has exacerbated the entire situation. I want my mommy but she’s not coming because she doesn’t want what I have so I will pray and rest and keep pushing the fluids and drinking the cold medicine every 3 hours.
How was your spring break? Was it as exciting as mine? I bet not.
