The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Nutrisystem week 11 Update ~Victory is Mine
This week, I stepped on the scale and I was a little disappointed to find that I had not lost anything.Not even 1 pound. We’ve all been here. But it didn’t make sense to me because I’ve been following the plan. I’ve even added a consistent cardio exercise routine to the mix, Zumba. Yes, I have been waking up every morning at 5:30 A.M. to get my Zumba in before the girls wake up. I have to say, it has made a big difference in the way I feel. It really rejuvenates me and wakes me up in the morning. Plus, I can really see a difference in the way my clothes are fitting.Everything I own is getting lose. Luckily for me, a couple weeks back I had decided to measure myself. This morning when no pounds were gone, I decided to measure myself again.Guess what? In two weeks, I’ve lost 3 inches from my chest, 2.5 inches from my waist and 4 inches from my hips! I don’t know about you but I will take it. VICTORY IS MINE! I guess what I am trying to say is, sometimes the scale may not always reflect what you wanted or expected but that’s no reason to stop. If you give up, failure is inevitable.If you power through, victory will be yours.At first it may be small victories like a few inches here or there, or maybe being able to buy a smaller size but eventually those small victories will get you to where you want to be! So, this week we are still at 15 pounds lost but we are down 9.5 inches!Rock on! I’m feeling more and more comfortable in this skin of mine. By BlogHer,I’m planning on being full on Hot Mommy!
Next,as promised, I wanted to share with you my favorite dinners. My favorite shelf stable dinner is the Cheese and Spinach Ravioli with Meat Sauce. It’s so easy, you pop it in the microwave for about 3 minutes. Let it cool for a minute and voila dinner is served. I like to eat it with a big salad.Actually, if you eat the salad before the meal is even better.The meal itself tastes delicious. I top it with a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese. I feel like I am eating at an Italian restaurant, minus the guilt ( bread sticks:)

…….and yes, it does taste as good as it looks!
Now, for my favorite Select Gourmet frozen dinner ( drum roll please) the Turkey Pepperoni Pizza. Of course, if you know me at all, you are not surprised. I am a lover of the pizza. Always have been. I could probably live on pizza alone. In fact, during pregnancy #1 I practically did.It’s all I ever wanted.My body literally craved it. So, when I saw that Nutrisystem had this pizza I was ecstatic. You pop it in the microwave or oven, just like you would any other frozen pizza, let it cool and there you have it…all the taste and none of the guilt. It is fabulous. Again, I like to pair this dinner with a salad and usually a diet Coke.Yummy.
Don’t forget Hooray YOU! This is the year you start your NEW YOU Revolution! and become the you that you want to be.
DISCLOSURE: Nutrisystem is providing their program to me free of charge in exchange for my participation in the Nutrisystem Nation Blogging Program and weekly updates. I am not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed in this post are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255</em>
2011/01/19
That’s My Daughter
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My New Favorite Photo of My Daughters
That’s my daughter in the water, both of them
That’s my daughter is what I want to scream every single time anyone looks at my daughter, either one of them. Anyone who’s ever had the honor of being the mommy to a daughter knows that our little girls leave us in awe on a daily basis. I can’t even explain the pride and love that I feel for these two little creatures. At their very core, they are pure good. They are everything that I love about the world, about people, even about living. Everything I do is for them.
This past month has been such an emotional roller coaster for so many reasons, least of all because of our miscarriage. I say ours because it wasn’t just my loss. It hurt our family, at it’s core. Thank God,I have so much to be thankful for. I am so freaking blessed that sometimes, I think it’s not fair that I should have so many blessings in my life, especially my daughters and husband. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows over here, hardly. But even when it’s hard, it’s still really, really good because I have the girls and the Big Guy to love me. They love me regardless of the time, day, weather, whether I am fat or skinny. It’s unconditional and that is truly something to be thankful for.
So, I am not going to go on mushy on you and talk about what I’ve lost. I’ve done enough of that. You have all been such a great sounding board. I have shouted profanities at life and collapsed in a pool of snot and tears and I have had so many people to lift me up. I finally feel like I can stand alone and shout my profanities. I know y’all have got my back and I don’t feel sorry for myself anymore. I feel sad at what I will never know and I feel the void but I know that I am strong enough to survive. I know that I am a stronger and better person for having survived it, like so many other shitty things that I have survived.
This is about so much more, this is about my daughters and all the reasons that I had to celebrate this month. No, I am not crazy or delusional and believe me, I didn’t think I could celebrate anything but how could I not. My husband celebrated his 37th birthday. The Big Guy is my soft place to land in a life of never ending rocks and hard places. I celebrate his birth because, he is responsible for my rebirth. He is the part of me that holds me up. He is my foundation.
That’s My Daughter, Who’d Have Ever Thought Her?
I had to celebrate Mother’s day because look at the two daughters I have been blessed with. My girl’s bring me infinite love to give and to receive on a daily basis. They have made me better than I ever could have hoped to be, more than I could have imagined was even possible. With them, my heart grows to the point that it feels like it may swell and burst out of my chest.
The Big Guy and I celebrated 13 years of marriage. This man came into a moment in my life when I was not expecting love. Up until him, what I thought was love was a faint shadow of what love truly is. Love is all consuming and easy. It’s a submission of your heart, body and soul with a complete reciprocation.It’s a soft place to land. It’s good times and bad. It’s the big things and the little things. It’s sharing a near death experience in order to create a perfect, living breathing , walking around and breaking your heart culmination of your love. It’s holding hair, holding hands and holding your heart together with chewing gum when it’s breaking into a million different pieces. It’s silence that fills a room and noise that fills your heart. It’s all day, every day and it is unconditional without reservation, hesitation or question.
We celebrated Gabi’s birthday. My tenderhearted baby turned 5 this past week and if I were on my dying bed, I would will myself up and celebrate that child’s life. She is strong, witty, funny and amazing in ways that I’d never thought about before her. She is my baby and that is worth celebrating. She is here to be held and loved. I will do it every second and in every way for as long as I take breath into my body.
Along with all that, there were end of year programs, preschool graduation, ballet recitals, firsts performances, last days, life and death and through it all, I am so glad that you are here to share it all with. Which reminds me, The TRUTH about Motherhood just turned 3 and Throat Punch Thursday (Which I’ve been too emotionally drained the past month to dole out but will resume next month) is officially 2 years old. I have truly enjoyed getting to know all of you and I look forward to many more years of growing through motherhood and life with you.
What would I do without to you? What would I do without the Big Guy or my daughters? I don’t know and I hope I never do know life without your community, the Big Guy or my daughters.
That’s my Daughter, Every time she fell I caught Her, Every time
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2012/05/27
The Shark Week Double Tap
The Shark Week Double Tap ~ I know you are scratching your head asking yourself, what the hell is she talking about. Well, I will get to that but first I need to warn you this is definitely a TMI post. If you are a man, or squeamish about personal woman talk, ~~walk~~ no run away now. First, if you are a regular reader of The TRUTH about Motherhood you are already very familiar with the term Shark Week. If not here is a post to teach you everything you ever wanted to know about Shark Week. This brings us to my latest shark week debacle.
The Shark Week Double Tap
So, it is once again shark week. When isn’t it shark week? It seems like every time I turn around these days, it’s shark week. In fact, I’m tempted to get pregnant JUST to stop the craziness that is the moody spectacular of Shark Week. And I think I’ve made the Big Guy just crazy enough to agree to it. Desperate times, desperate measures my friends. But I promised you a definition of the Shark Week double tap. Embarrassing as it is to admit, a promise is a promise plus I’m really curious to know that I am not the only one who has suffered this humiliation.
Without Further ado the Shark Week Double Tap
The shark week double tap, my friend ( you are my friends right? I’m banking on it and praying for your understanding and no judgement. After all, the situation itself is humiliating enough), is when you are so deep in the throes of Mommy brain, you’re sick as a dog with a wicked sinus infection ( you can’t smell, you can’t taste and you can’t hear), the kids are screaming, dinner is burning, it’s black Friday, your have people visiting and aside from your whole world being upside down and inside out…you are hemorrhaging at just the thought of walking across the room. This is when the shark week double tap happens. You are unsuspecting and unaware and it just sneaks up on you. You are so tired, overwhelmed and confused that you go to change your tampon and when you should have pulled you completely missed the step and only pushed…another tampon into the already crowded space where the last one is. Gasp!
The kids are screaming at the bathroom door, your husband is waiting in the car for you to head out to pick up dinner to replace what you just burnt and your mother is talking at you through the bathroom door; this is when the deed is done. You won’t even be aware of it for a bit.Who knows maybe that first little guy got all turned around and you lost the string and that’s why you completely forgot to pull the cord before you launched another cotton rocket into your vaginal infinity and beyond. I know you are wondering how the hell is this even possible. What can I say, I’ve given birth a couple times and I’m pretty sure a small hobo could find shelter in my vaginal cavity, my cervical wonderland and I might not even notice I’m so busy on some days.
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The Culprits..but there's a 2 at a time max! The Cotton Twins!
I know I am not alone in this but doubt any of you will have the bad taste to admit it but you can identify yourself by being the one who is laughing just a little harder than the others at my predicament. Thank God this faux pas is not fatal, unless you count the double dose of toxic shock syndrome inducing cotton levels in my body. Sure it’s uncomfortable and a great reminder that I should have just taken the time to locate my damn Diva cup ( that bitch isn’t moving once it’s locked and loaded) rather than give in to the convenience of the tony toxic cotton rockets. The worst part is that I usually ( yes, it’s happened to me more than once) don’t realize what has happened until I am out in public, away from a toilet and walking like I’m in my third trimester and about to give birth to a pair of cotton topped twins at any moment.The humiliation. What’s the worst side effect of your shark week? Don’t be afraid to share, misery enjoys company and I know shark week is no picnic for any of us.
The Shark Week Double Tap, every Mother’s Nightmare
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2011/11/29
The End of the World as We Know It
Telling my daughters was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. My husband decided to tell them the truth out of concern for me. My 4-year-old has been begging to be a big sister and he was afraid that in my fragile state, her relentless requests would be to torturous for me to endure. I think we should not of told her. My 4 year old took it especially hard. She is devastated. All I can do is cry.
The morning of my D& C, I awoke at 3:30 A.M. My 4 year old woke soon after and wanted to say good-bye to the baby. She put her arms around me and whispered quietly to my belly, “good bye, baby. I love you!” Then she begged me to get a photo of her baby for her. My heart broke into a million tiny pieces. Then she looked up at me and said, “ Maybe if I knew the baby was in your tummy I could have loved the baby more and he wouldn’t have died.” I whimpered, holding back the flood of hurt and pain that wants to come crashing out and consume the entire world. I have failed her and cannot give her what she’s wanted so badly.
5:30 am May first, 2012. It was a warm Tuesday morning. I walked into the hospital feeling lost and discombobulated, in a fog. We slowly made our way to the registration desk. It all seemed otherworldly, like it was a bad dream and wasn’t really happening but I couldn’t make myself wake up.
After what seemed like an eternity they called us back to prep for surgery. All I could think of we’re my children; my oldest trying to understand and comfort her sister, my youngest mimicking my inner breakdown, completely distraught that the baby was dead, and my baby who I loved so desperately but would never have the chance to hold, to look into his/her eyes, to kiss and nuzzle their tiny head.
Everyone was extremely kind to me that morning and I will always be thankful for their kindness. The kindness of strangers has truly helped me to survive the last few days. I’ve realized that sometimes its easier to speak to those who don’t really know you because they can offer an empathetic kindness and understanding unlike those who love you and have known you your entire life, because they are too vested and behind their love and support, you can see the pain and heartbreak they share with you and sometimes the burden of causing that pain is too much to bear.
The doctor arrived and I told her that I needed one last ultrasound to be certain there was no heartbeat. I. Had.to.be.certain! There was no heartbeat only a beautiful, perfect baby with a profile that reminded me of my oldest. I was thankful for one last look and asked for the ultrasound photos so that I could grant my daughter at least this one simple request. I did not get overly emotional. I did not cry. I had my photo. In had my proof. Proof that my baby ever existed.
The procedure was explained to me in ad nauseum and I was reassuringly told that it would be over in ten minutes. I found that to be the most unsettling thing of all that my entire life could be altered, my baby’s lifetime of promise and all of our hopes and dreams completely gone in a matter of ten minutes.
Tuesday morning my life was changed forever. I am not the same woman I was yesterday or the day before. She is gone. I am part of a new club, the saddest club ever. The one filled with all the mothers of the world who never got to meet their babies. That morning, one of the worst of my life, I met 4 of the kindest nurses I’ve ever met, 3 out of the 4 had experienced miscarriages. Each time they offered their sympathies and shared their own loss, I found myself feeling overwhelmed by my sadness for their loss.
I feel like a raw open wound and the wound is my heart and I’m not sure it will ever truly heal. I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster in hell and I cannot get off and I so desperately want to. I just want my mind to quiet and my heart to stop hurting so badly. I just want to survive. A quote was sent to me by one of my readers and it made me cry but I think it is beautiful, so I am sharing it here.

“An angel in the Book of Life wrote down our baby’s birth and whispered as she closed the Book: “Too Beautiful for Earth!” ~Anon
It ‘s beautiful to think of it that way but it doesn’t stop the pain. I hope someday, I will meet my baby again and get the chance to hold him/her in my arms, kiss her upon her cheek and be his Mommy.
*This and the previous post were written in my notes on my phone, as I was experiencing the hell of this week. It was written in a very vulnerable state and it may not make sense, or there may be misspellings or grammar issues, or jump all over the place because it’s hard to write logically when your world is falling apart and you can barely see to write through the tears and swollen eyes.
2012/05/03
Embracing the Unexpected

Last week, the Big Guy had an unexpected job interview. Unexpected because he loves the job he has, it’s his dream job. The past three years have been insanely chaotic for our family. I started this blog, the spring that my husband first had to leave us for a job; my daughters we’re 2 and 4. They are currently, almost 5 and 7. Many of you know the story of our two-year commuter marriage and all the upheaval that has come with that. The moving, the separation, the hurt and finally, the reunion, we have survived as a family. It’s been really hard. (more…)
2012/04/25
Live Like A Lorax
How do You Live Like A Lorax?
What are you planning on doing with your children to help save our planet? Can’t we all stand to be a little greener? I KNOW we can in my house. Sure I take steps to be kind to the earth but when I get too busy or things get “inconvenient” all the “Green” goes out the door. This Earth Day, I am re-committing to taking some steps (with my children) to be kind to the earth. Are you? (more…)
2012/04/10
Life Changes
Life Changes~What do I want to say? It feels like I’ve been missing from here a lot lately. I miss my home. This blog is my home. I miss my people. I miss the interaction and the back and forth. Lots has been going on behind the scenes lately. As many of you know, I have started writing at a few different places around the internet; Smart Mom Style, Aiming Low, Modern Home Modern Baby and the Stir. I am truly blessed, even if unexpectedly so.
Changes Come Unexpectedly
There are lots of other changes going on too here at our home. We’ll be moving this summer and our house has still not sold and that is weighing heavily on my mind and my heart. I’ve been doing a lot of praying for patience and understanding. The girls are growing up fast. I blinked and now our life is about Spring Breaks and ballet recitals. It used to be all about time together and having fun and now it’s all turning to obligation. I feel out of my depth on many levels and yet there is still more changes going on.Things that I can’t even think about with too much thought or my head may explode from all of the overwhelming possibilities.
This is where I have been lately. Then there was spring break. I so welcomed and looked forward to it. It started off amazing with a trip to Castaway Bay indoor water park. The girls adored it. The Big Guy and I had a blast just watching them run around from activity to activity, screaming and squealing all the way. Finally, a place they could run, jump and scream and it was perfectly acceptable, if not expected. We spent our days dripping water and surrounded by laughter and love. The Big Guy and I soaking in every single moment of togetherness with the girls. They will never be this age again. There will never be another first trip to the water park. Each night we collapsed into bed, snuggled together excitedly recounting the thrill of the day. Lots of sweet memories were made at Castaway Bay, not the least of which was my Mommy alone time spent in the spa with my pedicurist Laura Williams. Not only was there peace and quiet and an amazing pedicure to be had, Laura had a vibrant personality and a pleasing demeanor. She made the pedicure an experience. Then we returned home.
Changes in plan
The next day, we spent with Grandma having lunch at our favorite spot and watching ,Mirror, Mirror; a special treat for the girls. We were relishing every single moment together, just as I had planned and then I got sick! Not just a little case of the sniffles, this is a knock down, drag out, can’t lift your head kind of illness. It was like the devil spawn of the worst head cold you’ve ever had the misfortune of catching and the flu on crack. I woke up Tuesday morning feeling like I had been run over by a mack truck. I stayed there, in bed, trying not to die the entire day. The week pretty much plateaued at that point.
I’m slowly recovering from the illness, the girls are on their last day of spring break and I am still overwhelmed with a lot of choices that I need to make soon. How do you embrace the changes in your life?
Changes whether good or bad can be overwhelming
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**Disclaimer I was given access to Castaway Bay indoor water park and their resort for review purposes but all opinions expressed are my own. All life changes are my own.
2012/04/09
Why I Kept My Kids on Leashes
Kids on Leashes?
Kids on Leashes, what? I know that many parent’s find the very thought of a leash on a child to be appalling. I understand this way of thinking. I believe my exact words were, “I’d never put a leash on my daughter! She’s not a dog!!!” (more…)
2012/04/02
Throat Punch Thursday~Jahnisha McIntosh Giving Guns to Babies Edition
Jahnisha McIntosh my 1 regret is that I have only 1 Throat Punch to Give
I’ve heard of some moms making bad choices, but the series of choices that Jahnisha McIntosh made on March 14, 2012 takes the cake. I don’t know if I want to cry for what her stupidity has cost her or punch her in the throat for being such a fricking moron in the first place.
TACOMA, Wash. — A mother who authorities say left her 3-year-old son unrestrained in a car after she placed a pistol under the driver’s seat has been charged with manslaughter in the death of the boy, who shot himself in the head while the woman went to get food.
Yes, that is right. Her boyfriend, Eric Vita, the registered owner of the gun got out of the car to go into a gas station, to not cause alarm he took off the gun and handed it to Jahnisha McIntosh. Unfortunately, he didn’t take into consideration that he was handing his loaded weapon to a complete mental midget. She slid the gun under the front passenger seat. Her little 3-year-old boy, Julio Seguro McIntosh, unfastened himself in the parked car and toddled to the front seat to ask his Mommy for candy and picked up the gun. She told the little boy, “No, leave that alone,” and took it away.
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Julio Seguro McIntosh; Would You leave this Baby Alone with a Gun?
Jahnisha McIntosh, “I just want my Baby Back!”
Jahnisha McIntosh promptly removed the loaded gun from the passenger seat and put it under the driver’s side seat, so that little Julio could not reach it. I am not sure if she had a complete lapse of judgment, if she was just that freaking hungry or if she just assumed that Julio had more common sense than she did. She exited the vehicle, leaving the kids alone in the car with a loaded gun, to go inside to get food.
Wait! Listen, my fricking head just exploded!(It’s been doing that a lot this week). She left her unrestrained 3-year-old in the front seat of the car, within arms reach of a loaded gun and bonus…her 8-month-old baby girl was in the back seat. Makes me wonder, did this stupid bitch do this on purpose. Is it possible that anyone could be quite this damn stupid? Was she high? Is she crazy?
Who leaves little kids alone in a car? Hello, they could have been kidnapped, knocked the gear into drive and wrecked or ran over someone else or WORSE! Yes, the worse happened. Julio picked up the gun and shot himself in the head. His sister was unharmed.
Mr. Vita did the responsible thing by leaving the gun with Jahnisha McIntosh; unfortunately, the same can not be said for her. My throat punch goes to Jahnisha McIntosh. As a mother, I can imagine the pain and guilt her heart is feeling for this situation. But also, as a mother, I cannot fathom what the hell would compel a mother to leave her children alone in a car with a loaded gun. How many kids need to be shot by accidental discharges before the gun laws are changed? Julio’s death was the third shooting within 3 weeks in Washington.
Jahnisha McIntosh failure to Parent

What do you think should be the punishment for Jahnisha McIntosh?
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2012/03/29
Bedtime ~Things that go Bump in the Night
Bedtime: The Most Wonderful Time of the Day
Bedtime at our house has always been a chore. I have two little girls who are, more often than not, co-sleepers. I won’t lie, I do love the cuddles and snuggles that come with having my children in bed next to me. Of course, now that they are respectively seven and four, the once adorable cuddles and snuggles are escalating into flailing arms and kicking feet, usually to my torso or face. Ouch!
We put the girls in their own room at night but some time between bedtime and dawn, one or both always finds their way into our bedroom. This almost always ends with either us pulling them into our bed with us or one of us walking half-asleep back to their room, snuggling in and staying for the duration. It’s not a bad deal but some times the Kung Fu fighting antics makes it a bit difficult to get any quality sleep for the adults. Apparently, they lose no sleep over the fact that they are sleep Kung Fu Masters.
The girls know that they are at an age now where we would prefer that they stay in bed and fall back to sleep, preferably on their own. After all, waking themselves completely up and then proceeding to wake us up provides for a not so restful sleep for any of us.
Bedtime: Desperate Times call for Desperate Measures
One night, my four year old ran from her room and jumped in our bed. Literally, jumped completely over me and landed between the Big Guy and I. It startled me and woke me from a dead sleep. She was crying. I asked what was wrong and her answer was , “Mommy, there were lemurs dancing around my room and jumping on my bed. They came from under my bed. I can’t sleep in there any more!!!!” So much for letting a four year old watch Madagascar.
She was very serious. I cuddled her and reassured her that there were no lemurs dancing around her room. There were no lemurs jumping on her bed. There most certainly were not any lemurs living under her bed. But, I told her just to be sure that I would spray under her bed with “Lemur spray” in the morning. She was sufficiently satisfied,cuddled into me and fell back to sleep.
You know? Lemur spray. It looks like Febreeze but it has a lemur skull and crossbones on the label and reads “Kills Lemurs dead!” No? You don’t have this at your house? We also have Chicken spray, creepy doll spray and boogie man spray. Are you sure you don’t keep some in your laundry room for just such occasions?
The next morning, I sprayed that bedroom down like Father Michael McFlannigan; blessing every nook and cranny while exorcising all rogue dancing lemurs, for good measure. I prayed and blessed and then repeated the entire process until my four year old was sufficiently satisfied that her room was lemur free.
There’s got to be an easier way to get my girls to go to sleep, stay asleep and prevent scary dreams. What do you do to alleviate the stress of scary dreams? How do you soothe your child’s irrational fears in the middle of the night?
What are your top bedtime tips?
Here’s a new tool for your bedtime treasure box, The Pajanimals, available only on 24-hour preschool television channel Sprout, features four fuzzy friends who wind down for bedtime in a cozy and reassuring way. The show helps you tackle common bedtime issues like getting out of bed, bad dreams and scary monsters. Check out Sprout’s bedtime tips! Seriously, they are so simple and very effective. Also, by replying below four of my lucky readers will win a prize package – including a Pajanimals DVD and The Sleepeasy Solution book, proven by Hollywood’s celebrity parents and written by the sleep experts at Sleepy Planet.
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Sprout. The opinions and text are all mine. Official Sweepstakes Rules. The bedtime drama, all mine.

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2012/03/14