Remember the song, What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong? That has been my song to my Bella since before she was born. I used to sway back and forth in her nursery with my giant belly; singing softly to myself alone (not really alone, as no one ever is when they are pregnant) away from everyone we knew while the Big Guy was at work. The anticipation of meeting my first child was surreal, exciting and strange. Pregnancy for me was like an out of body experience but singing that song, as the sunshine softly kissed my baby belly through her nursery window, I was overcome with serenity and peace. (more…)
Search results for: “this bloggers life/page/65/atm.tk/powerrangers”
An 8th Birthday with a Surprise Twist at the End
Would Your Views on Same-Sex Marriage Change if YOUR Child was Gay?
Would your views on same-sex marriage change if you found out that your child was gay? I woke up this morning and the very first thing that I saw on Twitter was the above photo. It gave me hope and a warm fuzzy feeling. I’ve never understood how a parent could shut their child out or be mad because of who their child was born to love. (more…)Things I could have learned from my Id
Wow! There is nothing like our children to put the entire world into perspective. As I am running around like a chicken with my head chopped off, trying to find shoes and coats, finish the laundry (the never ending laundry), pay bills online, make phone calls /return phone calls, return emails and texts, make sure my kids are fed and clean and everywhere they are suppose to be on time and a laundry list of other daily chores (just like all the rest of you Mommies) it hits me, Stop! Take a breath! I am spending so much of my time lately trying to organize and plan life, that I am afraid that I am missing out on and not enjoying life. I find myself filling my days with things that I have to do and very little , if any, of what I want to do. This is making me uptight and grouchy, and defeating the purpose of all of the planning. After all, the planning is to maximize the quality of my daughters’ childhoods not to make them remember their childhoods as ” Remember how uptight and crazy Mom was?” What brought about this revelation, you ask? My brilliant little 2 year old. I ask in complete desperation, ” Gabs, please help Mommy clean up your room, honey.” Her response, “No Mommy! Me no want to!!!!”” Please?” “NO.ME NO WANT TO!!!!!!” (Basically, look woman I told you once..I don’t want to). Then it dawned on me..Me no want to either!! So, why not let the laundry wait a few hours and go have some fun with my girls. They are only this age now..NEVER again. I can’t rewind time like a video cassette. I’m hitting the reset button (oh yeah, once again. Apparently, in my life, it is a button I will be hitting quite frequently. Now, if I could only find that damn EASY button they keep talking about!)
This week we had an impromptu meeting downtown Chicago. Normally, I am in and out of downtown. The traffic frustrates me, the kids get bored and scream and cry; it really becomes an enormous headache.This time I said, hey we’re going to make it an adventure and have some effin fun. After our appointment, we cranked up the volume on the Yo Gabba Gabba CD, started cruising around downtown until we saw some place that we wanted to stop. To the bean we went! I’ve been wanting to hit Millennium park for some time now and an opportunity to put my money where my mouth is presented itself. The girls, me and my lovely “NManny” for the week ( my 19 year old brother, who my daughters absolutely adore & so do I , for him coming out to help me while Daddy is on business) explored all the facets of any art and design that the park had to offer. It was a spontaneous, lovely day in the park…which are always the best. Cheers to many more days of living life while smelling the lilacs versus only planting while multitasking 20 other things, and never truly having the opportunity to be happy or let those around you be happy. I need to start relinquishing some control and going with the flow, because the flow is where I live and no matter what I do…the flow is going to keep on flowing!
Graduating Member of the Class of We Made It
A friend posted a link to Shane Koyczan’s To This Day Project video (above) about bullying. I don’t usually click on videos. I should have been doing so many other things. It’s the end of the month. I have deadlines. But, for some reason, I watched this video. I found myself sobbing by the end of it. It stirred something in me and forced me to face a truth about my childhood that I have tried desperately to forget. I’m not in denial but I don’t let it define me. I don’t give the past that much power over my present. I try to forget but it’s there, right beneath the surface, always with me. We all have these things pushed way, way down from our past. We push them down so that we can survive them and move past them. (more…)
Mean Mommies
Ever had an instance in your adult life as a Mommy where you felt like you were instantaneously back in high school? That instance of which I talk is Mean Mommies; otherwise known as Mommies who like to bully.None of us are perfect, we’re all just trying to survive and get through this part of our life without significantly damaging our children and hopefully with all of our hair in tact. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely Love being a Mommy. It is exactly where I always knew, that I always wanted to be; sharing my life with some amazing little people, loving on them and making some memories. But there are those times when we all need a little lifeline. I’ve referenced my issue with talking incessantly when I am around other Mommies. It’s the sheer fact that I need that adult conversation to keep my brain from turning to mush. I also happen to love having that sounding board to bounce all of my craziness off of and have someone else nod there head in agreement. These little things are what get us through the rough times. These small gestures from our sisters in the field; help us to make sense of it all and put it into perspective; to actually enjoy this wonderful part of life we are experiencing, regardless of how exhausted or stressed out we may be. Sometimes, we put our hand out for a hand up, we make ourselves vulnerable to a new person because we think we could all use another friend and instead of friendship extended, we get bupkis. Shut down and denied like a husband trying to get some sugar during that first month you’re home with a newborn. It just ain’t happening. I’ve watched it happen. A Mommy introduces herself into a conversation between two other Mommies, at some child oriented function i.e gymnastics, Gymboree, ballet, soccer, and she is shut completely down. Denied. Ignored. The other Mommies act as if they never even heard her speak. It is not pretty and it is certainly not nice.Don’t we want to be better examples than that for our own children? I don’t want my girls running around thinking they are better than anyone else, or having a sense of entitlement. We are all people and ,as such, we should all be treated equally. Please, Mean Girls are bad enough..is there really any place in this world for Mean Mommies? I think not!
Nutrisystem, My Real Weight & Photos to Prove it
[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”]
Yep, I’m pretty excited in the morning! Never mind the hair, this is a woman on a mission. Yesterday, something exciting happened in my life, I went back on the Nutrisystem program. I am about come clean and get really honest with you about my weight. GULP! As many of you know, I was the poster child for eating disorders for 8 years. You know what having eating disorders for that amount of time does to your body? It really messes up your metabolism. My body was essentially in starvation mode for those 8 years and when I finally began to eat like a normal person, my metabolism dug it’s heels in and said, “nu-Uh bitch, you’re not starving us again. We’re holding on to everything.” Which, I deserved. My poor body has been through hell. Well, then it snowballed out of control. (more…)
Things my Daughters Taught Me
I thought this Motherhood gig was all about me shaping, molding, teaching these little, adorable human beings of mine. I knew it would be loads of work, and it is. It is a grueling 24 hour a day job that never stops. I knew (in theory) that was what I was in for but I never expected what I actually got.As tired as I am most days and holding on for dear life to my last string of sanity, I am always amazed. I never expected to learn anything from my children. Come on, everything they know..I taught them, right? Apparently not. I guess I have to relinquish some of the pride in my nurturing because I have to admit, I’m pretty sure there is a lot of nature in it.For instance, my 2 year old who is so honest at times that she actually scares me.Many times I have asked her to do something and she will simply say no. Ask her why, she will say because she doesn’t want to.In a world full of excuses, this little girl makes none. She is who she is, and that’s who she is..Deal with it! It used to annoy me that she would just say no she didn’t want to.Let’s be honest, us Mommies, we do a lot of things that we don’t want to. I know for a fact I don’t want to do dishes, fold laundry, cook, run errands, pay bills, keep appointments or obligations but that’s my life. That’s being an adult, right? The more I think of it, why can’t I take a cue from my 2 year old in her infinite wisdom. I mean wouldn’t it be the nicer thing to do then to be insulting and come up with ridiculous excuses why you can’t do things. I appreciate her honesty and her braveness with her integrity is admirable. When my 2 year old does decide to help you, it is whole hearted and it is selfless and it is beautiful. From my 5 year old, I have learned to be fearless. I know where she gets this, I do remember a time when that was me.Since having my girls, I have become much less reckless and more cautious because every day with them is the most important of my life. My Bella will do whatever it takes to achieve her goals. It doesn’t matter if it scares the hell outta her, she will pursue it with a fierceness. There is not much she can’t do. In fact, I don’t think there is anything that she can’t do..if she puts her mind to it. Her spirit is free and her heart is open. She loves with abandon and if you are lucky enough to be one of those who she does love; she will walk through hell to make you happy.My daughters have reminded me that I can do anything that I set my mind to.They have also reminded me to have integrity and pride. I am embracing love with full abandon. I am learning to be honest with myself, to be fearless and to relish all that life has to offer. They have also taught me that a child’s giggle, their little hand in yours, a snuggle, a kiss goodnight, their true smile..can melt your heart and make you feel more vulnerable then you ever thought possible. They have taught me that the world is a beautiful, miraculous place where everything is possible.
Forgot My Phone & Remembered How to Live
Forgot my phone and realized that I am too dependent on it. I felt naked and awkward. I felt lost and unsure; insecure. I hide behind my phone. My phone has become a crutch, especially in my line of work. It has replaced my eyes, my ears, my brain, my voice, my memory and my attention. I have become so dependent on capturing everything that happens in my life for posterity that I am missing it in real-time. I have become so accustomed to instant gratification that there are no more great surprises and the real, genuine moments are few and far between. If they do happen, they are often missed only to be seen in retrospective playback.
Our phones have become a barrier between us and living in the moment. We’ve all developed such intense cases of FOMO that we are, in fact, missing out on the really important things like honest conversations, human connections, true love, trust and firsts.
I don’t want to miss another minute of my life or view it through a screen. I want to look directly into the eyes of my child as she says something, anything, to me. I want to hear her when she speaks not when I play it back. I don’t want to miss the moments for one more moment. This video by Charlene deGuzman reminded me of that.
I am committing to walking away and turning off the social media, computers and phones when I am with my family. When I am with them, those few hours every day after school until their bedtime, I will be 100% present. I owe them that. I owe me that.
I want to experience my life not document it for someone else to relive in some far off future.
I want my children to say my mother was present, she listened and she cared about it all. She loved me and I know it because she was there for all of it; paying attention and giving advice.
I want my husband to know that he is the most important person in the room with me and that when we are alone together talking, imagining our future, planning our life, it is just the two of us and not the entire Internet and there is nowhere else in the world that I would rather be.
I want my friends to know that I care about what they are saying and when I say that I am “here for them” I am really there for them, wherever that might be 100%. No more 1/2 listening with one eye on the Internet because nothing happening “out there” is more important than what is happening right here, next to me; a joke, a story, a laugh, a cry, a human experience.
Technology is a wonderful thing but it is no replacement for the human condition.I want my humanity in tact because without it, what are we?
Who am I?
Letting go, who am I without them?
Letting go. Who am I now? Have you ever asked yourself this question? I think I have asked it of myself a thousand times since I’ve gone to college but today, I asked myself the question and I have no idea. How do I define myself?
I’ve spent the last 8 years of my life, either pregnant or holding a little one in my arms or my lap. For the last 8 years, I have been a mommy to the point that I have, quite literally, forgotten my life before them. It all seems like some story that I read about someone else. Above all else, I define myself as a mommy. It’s not just what I do. It is who I am. I am Bella and Gabi’s mommy. And I am blessed. I sometimes take that for granted.
I catch glimpses of the person I used to be in my daughters from time to time; in their fiery spirit and outrageous sense of humor and style. I see all the potential that I used to have and all the freedom of the future. I took that for granted too.
This morning, as I sat here alone with my thoughts, for the first time since school has started. Alone in our new home where we have started our new life surrounded by unfamiliarity, I felt profoundly alone. I miss my children.
They are only gone for 7 hours a day but with so much changing in our lives, I long for the comfortable familiarity in their little kitty cat voices, the shuffle of their feet beneath my own as we walk through the house, their laughter at the silliest of notions that carries through the air like the sweet smell of bread baking.
I miss their too-tight, never-gonna-le-me-go hugs and their delightfully slobbery kisses. I even miss the sibling rivalry fueled by pure love and devotion that just recently drove me to near insanity.
I miss the sweet smell of tops of heads, as their tiny, waif-like bodies cuddle beneath my arm and draw themselves nearer to me than I even knew possible. I miss the not knowing where I ended and they began.
I thought the small instances of letting go would be easier.
I used to think that all the time was too much. That event he best mommy needs at least a few minutes to herself but when my arms are empty and the house is quiet, I’d give back every golden minute of silence for just a sliver of their crazy. I am lonely. I miss my children. I am a mother with no children to feel the empty space and time.
Who am I? I am still a mommy. I worry every morning that I send them out the door that I will miss something. But that is part of letting go and growing up. It sucks big balls and I hate it with a passion but I am sure this means that I am evolving. No one stays the same, ever.
I used to be a girl full of spirit and dreams and potential and then I became a Mommy and all my dreams and hopes, all of my passion was focused on raising my daughters. It still is but now I have 7 hours a day to remember who I am. This is the time for me to have it all.
I am blessed. I have the pleasure and honor of being mommy to these two amazing little girls. I am married to my best friend and I finally have the time to appreciate it all and realize my own dreams as well, without feeling like I am ignoring my family or shirking my mommy duties. I should be ecstatic for the time to breathe finally but I am too busy feeling the pains of letting go, while trying to hold on.
It’s time to figure out who I am again and show my daughters that they can be everything they want to be in life, maybe just not all at the same time but right now, I miss my daughters and I am counting the minutes until pick up so I can see their adorable little faces as they light up when they see me…as I know mine will be when I see them. Letting go is so bittersweet.
Letting go is the hardest part of growing up.
Why RVing is the Best Family Trip You Can Take Your Children On
I’m definitely a 5-star resort kind of girl . I love luxury, lazy rivers, hot tubs, and wifi. I blame my husband. Before him, I was the outdoorsy type. I’m not sure if I loved roughing it or I just grew up in a family of 6, so roughing it was the standard on vacation. I never considered that RVing is the best family trip you can take your children on.
I could often be found hiking, swimming, rolling down some grassy hill, laying outside looking up at the stars or just staring in wonder at the natural beauty surrounding me. I took great pleasure in the simple things. The beauty of a sunset, the grass beneath me and the sand and surf between my toes. These things made me happy.
I graduated from university, started having babies, a bad back and no time. Suddenly, 5-star resorts became my gold standard. I’m not afraid to admit that I adore a good room service breakfast in bed. Achy bones and a weary body make a good bed and a deep tub my happy place. Until a couple years ago.
READ ALSO: Why Every Family should go RVing before their Kids Grow Up
I attended an epic road trip with Ford where I drove from Kamloops to Calgary and it was a life-changing moment for me. I was reminded of how truly awesome this world is and how it is ever changing. I knew then that I needed to share this with our girls.
I came home from that trip changed forever. I wanted nothing more than to immerse them in that inspiring, mind-blowing beauty in person; to see how breathtaking mother earth is without the distractions and noise of everyday life. I wanted to take them to this quiet solitude with nothing but the hum of cicadas, the soft summer breeze as it rustles the trees and the crash of the surf meets the shore. I wanted them to hear the ripple of their life that you can only hear when alone in nature.
My love for nature is innate. Both of my parents descend from farmers, so we appreciate the earth because we know it gives life. I guess I just never realized how damn beautiful she was until that moment in Banff. I was ready to share this immediately but photos can’t do justice to that sort of beauty. It always falls short plus that kind of natural peace has to be felt to be understood. But due to circumstances beyond my control, that moment would have to wait.
Finally, last month, we got the chance to give them a taste of all that beauty. We took the girls on a camping trip to Michigan, courtesy of the Traverse City KOA and GoRVing and it did not disappoint.
A bad back and age sometimes make me feel like I’m in my 80’s. But, I dream of sharing all the national parks in the United States with my girls; being outdoors and appreciating the small things that we take for granted so often. I want them to look up at the sky at night and see the millions of stars surrounded by nothing but nature and love. I want them to see the Aurora Borealis dance across the sky and be left breathless. To do all of that, you have to leave the bright lights of the city and go to where nature is still untouched. You have to go camping to really be in it.
We stayed in a stationary RV that looks just like a cabin but is actually built on an RV chassis and towed to its final destination. It was gorgeous and perfect for the first-time camper, the person who wants to be one with nature but prefers indoor plumbing , the avid glamper or those of us who just might prefer some of the luxuries of home, while communing with nature.
READ ALSO: The Secret to the Best Road Trip Ever
However, you slice it, I would highly recommend staying at the Traverse City KOA and renting a GoRVing RV, stationary or otherwise. You won’t be disappointed. I know we weren’t. It had all the comforts of home, including tv and WiFi, which we didn’t really use but it was nice to know it was available if we needed it.
Our trip was for 4 days and it was the best vacation we had all summer. We travel a lot and we do love it. We love big cities and exciting things but being in nature is a different kind of vacation. There was no need for scheduling and planning. The only plan was to get on the open road, enjoy one another and the nature all around us.
Camping is the kind of trip that refuels your soul. There was something absolutely magical about sharing the Sleeping Bear Dunes with my daughters, swimming on a private beach and eating the best pizza ever at a market.
We combed the beach for rocks to make kindness rocks for others. We danced and sang with our tweens as we barbecued outside and laughed so hard that we cried while sitting around a bonfire talking and roasting smores. It was magical because we slowed down enough to just be with one another. We talked. We listened. We laughed. We came back together stronger.
I don’t know about you and your family but I suspect it’s similar to mine, we work all the time. We work hard. Between the Big Guy and I working, the girls going to school and 6 days of ballet a week, there is not a lot of time for just being, as much as we would love more of it. We try to have dinner together and we do talk to each other every day. We make the effort to ask questions even when we are all so busy and tired all we want is a nap and some silence. Camping together allowed the rest of the world to fall away for four days and it was just us and nature and it was truly the most special time.
Before we even got home, the Big Guy was talking about making this an annual trip. But I think we want more. I’m hoping to get to take my family to the national parks out west next summer, hopefully in an RV. I want that togetherness that camping provides.
I only have 6 more summers with my oldest daughter before she goes off to college and that fact is not lost on me. Each moment is precious. I’d love to have at least 6 more RV camping trips with our girls. I want them to look back on their childhood fondly and remember all the magical moments together standing in awe of the beauty of nature surrounded by all the love.
I want to extend a sincere thank you to GoRVing.com and the Traverse City KOA for facilitating this absolutely magical trip for my family. It’s changed the way we vacation. I guess I’m not as much of the 5-star hotel girl as I thought I was. The outdoorsy me is still inside and begging to sleep out under the stars.
If you don’t have an RV, staying in a park model cabin like the one we stayed in is a popular option to try out the RV lifestyle. Some campgrounds also have travel trailers all set up on site available for rent.In addition, there are some companies like Camp N Style located in San Diego that will bring an RV (could be a travel trailer or a motorhome) right to the campground and hook it up so when you get there, its ready to go! These are generally equipped with pots, pans, dishes, full kitchen & bath, AC & heat, too!.Ready to plan an RV adventure of your own? Visit GoRVing.com for info on how to get started, how to choose the RV that’s right for you, where to go, what to bring and so much more!
