The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Jessica Gottlieb~ The Truth About Motherhood is that You Lie A lot
Today, I have the honor of having the fabulously awesome Jessica Gottlieb sharing her TRUTH about motherhood. *Excuse me while I squee. ( Yes, I actually used the word squee but I am just that excited) I’m sure I just lost some cool points with Jessica by making that confession but I don’t care. I must admit I have a little bit of a blogalicious crush on her. She is not only my blogging shero; she is intelligent, funny, witty, wonderful and the queen of snarkilicousness. She is a thinking Mom’s blogger. To top it off, she is the most honest, real, down to earth woman/writer that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. She hardly needs an introduction but in case you are new to blogging or live in a little social media vacuum, Jessica is the brilliant author of www.JessicaGottlieb.com and you can also find her on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Momversation.com,www.tehuser.com and just about any place else that you might expect the grand dame of Mommy blogging to be found. But today, I am excited to say that she can also be found on the TRUTH about Motherhood. Thank you so much for sharing your TRUTH about motherhood with us!
The Truth About Motherhood is that You Lie A lot
Mothers are liars. Our children are weaned on lies. I learned to lie in my teens when my mother asked me where I was going. Nowhere. Who is going nowhere with you? No one. Are you smoking cigarettes? Absolutely not. I know you’re smoking pot. No mom.
So we learned in our teens to hide our boyfriends, our vices, and our nights out. I learned to hide my questionable grades and I learned how to cram and get myself out of trouble, well, most of the time.
I learned how to keep secrets, and little did I know how much I would need that skill in motherhood.
I can’t tell my children everything I think, I’m a mother for heavens’ sake. I would never tell them how utterly unprepared for motherhood I feel. I would never tell them that there are parts of school that really don’t matter. I tell my kids that they can be good at things that we both know they’re unlikely to excel at.
I told them about the toothfairy and Mr G told them they were bought at Babies R Us on a rare snowy nights. The snow made his hair grey.
I have told my children that you don’t have sleepovers with the opposite sex until you’re married, and I know I’m doomed because my brother has lived with his girlfriend for sixteen years. I’ve told my children that good things happen to good people. I never mention that captains of industry might behave like shits and get richer, or that children die and certainly a child couldn’t be bad.
I’ve lied to them repeatedly all the while demanding honestly.
The real truth of motherhood can be found somewhere among the lies.
Jessica Gottlieb is a Mom Blogger in Los Angeles.
2011/05/17
Melissa Chapman~The TRUTH about Motherhood
Today, I am truly honored to have the lovely and witty Melissa of Married my Sugar Daddy. She writes with humor and honesty that make me keep coming back for more. If you have not had the pleasure of reading /knowing Melissa (@Madijack) , I certainly recommend that you get to know her. She is snarky and funny and 21 flavors of entertaining. I love reading her blog, I always come away feeling like I’ve been catching up with an old friend. She has made me laugh,cry and think…sometimes in the same post. Thank you so much Melissa for sharing your truth with so much going on right now. XOXO

The TRUTH about Motherhood
I really believed when I was smack in the trenches of arguing with my husband about not wanting him to buy the no-frills diapers-, since my kids ALWAYS leaked through them- that once the stage of them being completely dependent on me for their basic needs was done- I’d be in the homestretch.
I thought those early years- getting up at the crack of 2am to heat up a bottle (which I only realized after my second baby- was as simple as popping a cup of water into the microwave as opposed to boiling hot water over an open flame for 20 minutes) was the grueling part of motherhood. But the thing is- during all those early years- motherhood’s challenges are primarily physical. They test your endurance, school you on how to be a muti-tasker and at times make you feel like you are operating on auto-pilot. But your kids-unless they’re dragging around a soiled diaper- are for the most part, happy, smiling little babes, who let you dress them up and create your very own mirror image in them.
Then they grow up- and of course, no one tells you that the real meat and work begins then. As my kids have gotten older, the questions- that seemingly come out of nowhere have begun to permeate our every conversation at this breakneck pace- and my inability to keep up and juggle all their feelings, thoughts, self-esteem issues, confidence and little egos feels like a balancing act that is simply impossible.
I often feel ill-equipped to be the source for all these pressing concerns- like; who the hell am I to answer all these questions, assuage their fears and am I enough to be able to raise these two individuals and arm them with everything they’ll ever need to become independent enough to feel okay on their own. And I know I’m not alone in these thoughts, in my insecurities about motherhood. But honestly I just wish there was a manual that would fool-proof every impulse I have and make sure it was the correct one. The truth about motherhood is that no one tells you what an awesome responsibility this motherhood thing is- and that there are no guarantees it will all end up the way you want it to.
2011/05/25
The Best White Lies I EVER told my Girls
We all know that I am all about the truth but occasionally I’ve had to stretch the truth a scoatch to bend the little ones to my Mommy will, in the name of the greater good, of course. Have you ever had to do this? If so, you may identify with the Best White Lies I EVER told my Girls.
- I told my girls that if they didn’t eat their asparagus, their hair would all fall out. It would start with small bald spots; like a dog with mange. (This came at a time when I actually had a small bald spot in my own hair. Timing is everything.)
- Elves are real and they are Santa’s henchmen. They teleport back to the North Pole each night during the Christmas season to report indiscretions perpetrated by naughty kids. They are eager to break some kneecaps but Santa is usually pretty forgiving. (To make the story believable, you must move said elves around nightly and they must appear in unexpected spots i.e. the toilet, the fridge, the tub, school backpack, etc.)
- Once when the door burst open to the “conjugalorium” (Child’s unoccupied bedroom because we have two co-sleepers and are forced to get inventive with our “adult” time), we told our 3 year old “Daddy was telling Mommy a secret, that’s why we were so close”.
- While driving back from my Moms house in Chicago, we passed a refinery spouting billowing puffs of pollution. My then 4 year old asked “Mommy is that a cloud factory where all the clouds of the world are made?” I said, “Yes, yes it is” How could I not?
- If you stay in the bathtub too long, you will shrivel up and turn into a raisin. Their eyes both turned into saucers, I could see fear and disbelief. I had to seal the deal, “And then people will eat you in their oatmeal!” They both promptly exited the tub and have not stayed for prolonged periods in the tub, since. They are also no longer interested in raisins in any way, shape or form.
- Bambi is a narcoleptic. Recently, my girls had their first ever experience with road kill, a beautiful, freshly deceased deer. The deer was lying at the side of the road, looking very peaceful and not moving. My 3 year old, with tears in her eyes, asked what the dear was doing. I told her the dear had narcolepsy. (P.S. This does not work if you see a random deer leg on the side of the road!)
- The Prayer Closet. A friend once told me that I needed to get myself a “Prayer” closet. My interest was piqued so I asked, “What’s a “prayer” closet?” Apparently, it is a walk-in closet that you can go to have marital relations. OK, but why the name, you ask. So did I. It’s called a prayer closet because once when she was in the closet calling out “Oh GOD!” She walked out to be greeted by her small child asking, “Mommy, what were you doing in there?” Her answer, “Honey, Mommy was praying. It’s Mommy and Daddy’s prayer closet.” The closet has since been soundproofed.
- The Boogie Man. I made the fatal mistake of using the word “BOOGIE MAN”. Previous to this, I have never used the concept with the girls. Nonetheless, it slipped out. My 3 year old heard it. “Mommy, what’s a Boogie Man?” This is where I went brain damaged. “It’s just a little fairy who comes out at night, if you don’t behave, and sucks the boogies out of your nose.” Why I thought this was less traumatic than the real story, I’ll never know.
- I told my girls, on New Years Eve, that their sparkling cider was actually champagne. I had them so convinced that my 5 year old had 2 glasses and swore she was drunk. Lightweight.
- When my daughter was 3 she was extremely afraid of chickens and lemurs. Don’t ask. Let’s just say Julian, from Madagascar, is persona non grata in our house. She is absolutely terrified. After many nights of her jumping out of bed because she swore chickens or lemurs were under her bed, I took a canister of Febreeze and transformed it into Chicken/Lemur spray. I went so far as to cover up the logo, wrote Chicken/Lemur Spray on the label with the words “Kills Chickens/Lemurs Dead!” complete with chicken skull and crossbones. Then, in Catholic priest fashion, I blessed the room and sprayed the entire room down. Then she slept. That was 2 years ago. Occasionally, she still has me spray the room down. Just to be safe.
I’d love to hear any white lies that you’ve had to tell your kids to get them to do what was best for them. How inventive have you had to get in the name of healthy food and a good night’s sleep?

*This is a piece written by me that was originally published on Momversation.com on January 2011.
2011/06/01
Resolving to Incite the Revolution of 2012
I originally posted Resolving to Incite a Revolution last January. It was a great reminder of things I wanted to do in the upcoming year. I have been working diligently on this revolution for the past 12 months but I thought I could use the reminder to continue on with enthusiasm. Life is too short to be unhappy. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of that fact. This is your wake up call; our reminder that we’ve got to incite a revolution in this world an fight for what we want out of life.
Resolving to incite a revolution
~I am way past the point of making resolutions.After all, what the hell is a resolution anyways, nothing more than an empty promise, a flimsy threat at the most.Nope this year, I am declaring war. I’m inciting a revolution.I am resigning myself to a little shock and awe!
*No MORE Cheating! You heard me. I don’t mean that I’m cheating on the Big Guy, never! I mean cheating on diets, cheating myself out of life, cheating myself short on opportunities, cheating my girls out of my complete attention and devotion.
*Embracing Exhaustion! Oh yeah, I am about to make it my mission to exhaust every single iota of potential that these bones have in them. No more sitting on the sidelines letting life happen to me or waiting for things to be done for me, this broad is grabbing life by the balls and making him my bitch. I am going to work this potential so hard, its not going to know which way is up. As the old cheer goes, “Be aggressive..B*EE* EE Agressive!” I’m about to be the change I want to see in my world!
Resolving to incite a revolution
*Organization, Organization, Location! I am a planner, a scheduler, a write it down on paper and DOER! Life seems to have gotten out of control.I don’t mean a little bit off kilter, I mean it has spun right the hell off its axis.Well, NO MORE! Hey, life! Guess what? I AM IN CHARGE..NOT YOU! So, I’m putting pen to paper ( yes, I’m old school like that sometimes) and I’m making a schedule. I’m waking up earlier, getting more sleep, not rushing through life because I’ve planned accordingly, and ( because I am still a bit reckless) I’m even allowing copious amounts of free time for spontaneity.
*Love Hard, Love often! I am making sure that the Big Guy and the girls know how much I love them and how important they are to me. I’m not referring to telling them, speaking the words. I do this already, several times a day. In fact, I’ve told the girls ( constantly) since birth “Guess what? I have a secret.Want to know what it is?” They used to get all excited, their eyes like saucers and ask”Yes, Mommy. What is it?” My answer, I’d bend down and whisper in their tiny ear ,” I Love you more than anything.” Now, they just give me a sheepish smile and say, “What is it Mommy? Tell me!” But more than saying the words, I want to show them with my thoughts and actions.I want to be present in every moment with these family and friends that I have been blessed to be surrounded by in my life. I want them to know in their heart that when I say “I love you” it means..forever, for always, for good, for bad, for ups, for downs, for skinny, for fat, for Always. When they speak, I want them to know I am listening and that what they say matters to me. No more decorum.I am loving on my littles, the Big Guy, my family and friends with an embarrassing amount of exuberance. I want them to feel it to their core…I love them.
Resolving to incite a revolution
*Prioritize, Perspective, and Present The only way to get it all done, in conjunction with my handy schedule, I have to prioritize what’s really important to me and my family. This depends on my perspective. I am choosing to utilize my own perspective ..finally. I am not considering all the outside factors, aside from my girls. I’m also willfully choosing to see life as ALWAYS half full and at my dispense because, in reality, it is. My only limitations have been those I’ve set upon myself. No more! Last but not least, I’m living in the moment. I’m embracing every stinking moment as it happens. I’m not planning for next year, next week, tomorrow…I’m living in the now..RIGHT NOW,with my girls and the Big Guy. I want to enjoy the small things of my life as they happen, not in 20 years in retrospect as a memory. I want to feel the full effect of my life.
*Forgiveness I am forgiving myself for not being perfect. I am not the perfect wife. I am not the perfect Mom. I am not the perfect friend or daughter.I don’t have the perfect body. I don’t have the perfect house. My temper leaves something to be desired. I over extend myself. I expect too much from myself and others. I fall short, in a lot of ways. But that doesn’t mean that my efforts do not have merit. I am hitting reset for everyone I know. I’m passing out forgiveness like kool aid at a Jonestown party. NO more Mommy guilt, no more fatty McFatty guilt, no more I’m not the perfect wife.My house is disheveled. My kids aren’t perfect.No more, I wish I was Bree Van De Kamp bullshit. From this moment forward, I am going to try my best at every endeavor that I choose to undertake with my priority being excelling at being a good example of a the kind of woman I want my daughters to see me as. I will never be perfect, and that is perfectly acceptable, as long as I am living my life as the best me. *This is the one that I REALLY have to work hard at!”
*Incite a Revolution I’m initiating a change in my way of life. I am actively taking steps to become the person that I want to be.That woman who lives inside of me and has been too afraid for a long time to take a gamble.The woman who, even though I hate to admit this, I have realized has been so afraid of failure that I have let it stave off success. No More! No more excuses. I’m not afraid of failure anymore.If I fall, I will just pick myself up and try, try again!But today, I am inciting a revolution between the version of myself that I’ve let myself get comfortable with and the woman I know I can be. I’m starting by setting fire to excuses and self doubt and I’m marching forward with self confidence.
What have you resolved to incite revolution about in your New Year? How are you going to go about succeeding? Happiest of New Years to each and everyone of you.Thank you so much for being part of the TRUTH about Motherhood community. 2012 is going to bring great things, I know it! Hang on to your hats ladies, it’s going to be battle of epic proportions but everything worth having in this life is worth fighting for. Are you ready to incite your own revolution in 2012?
The Revolution Starts Today
2011/12/31
The Diva Cup~Naturally Divalicious
The Diva Cup~Naturally Divalicious
Diva Cup test ~Have you ever…(?)
- co-opted toilet paper from a public washroom as a temporary measure *(GUILTY.How I hate the clump of TP waddle of shame)
- planned a vacation around your period *(Many Times.)
- avoided white pants for that one ‘special’ week of the month. I call it shark week for a reason, it’s dangerous.*(When I was a teenager,white was my enemy for this very reason)
- done a supplies hand-off with a girlfriend while the dates weren’t looking *(always and it’s never as covert as we plan it to be.Nothing like dropping a tampon to the floor in front of a blind date)
- cautiously tucked the telltale string into your bikini *(why must it always slip back out.I’m not a party popper, nor do I want to “celebrate’ my period)
- accidentally pulled a mystery object from your purse in front of a curious male audience *(Yes and it’s always a stranger not someone you know.Instead of your husband, it’s someone like your husband’s boss or a potential client. “just let me get a pen..Oops, never mind my tampon that just fell on your hand))
- scuttled to the washroom to survey the leak damage after a sudden ‘surge’ *(I hate knowing I’ve leaked and can’t do anything about it but run for the restroom and pray for mercy from the menstruation Gods)
- clogged your toilet with “flushable” feminine products *(let’s not bring up the septic system that my in laws love to remind that I ruined with my tampons)
- left a party with a jacket tied around your waist * ( or high school, the club, a wedding reception,PTA meeting,mass)
- had a tampon somehow turn itself completely around inside and lose the string *(My biggest fear realized)
The DivaCup to the rescue!!!
The DivaCup is a non-absorbent menstrual cup that simply collects menstrual flow. *( Ok, take a moment and get past the ICK factor. I know it sounds kind of gross at first thought. But it is amazing and Green (BONUS)). It is inserted into the vagina and sits at the lower base of the vaginal canal. It is worn internally, yet because it is soft and smooth, it cannot be felt nor will it leak when inserted properly.*(You may however need to trim the stem for comfort which is a very simple fix)

The DivaCup is the most clean and convenient method of feminine hygiene protection. No need to touch the flow. It is worn low in the vagina, not near the cervix, so it is easy to remove. No mess! * ( No more evidence left on your fingers from lodged strings) Just remove, clean with Diva wash, re-insert and leave in for 12 hours. So easy.

The DivaCup ends hassles with unreliable disposables in endless absorbencies, shapes and styles. It is perfect for all activities – giving women true freedom without the worry, guessing and unreliability that disposable feminine hygiene products pose. *( absolutely great for running, dancing, high impact workouts like Turbo Fire and even Zumba)

The DivaCup can be worn for up to 12 hours before emptying, washing and reinserting for use for another 12 hours. It can be used for light or moderate flows and is emptied more often to accommodate heavy flows. Perfect for overnight use. *(I loved not having to worry about getting up in the middle of the night to check for accidents on the sheets or to change my pajamas.)

The DivaCup’s expert, proprietary, patent-pending features make it comfortable and assures ease of use and reliability. Perfect for traveling, running, biking, hiking, dancing, camping, swimming, diving, scuba, yoga, extreme sports and more…
- Latex-free, BPA-free, plastic-free
- No dyes, colors or additives
- Comfortable, reliable
- Clean, convenient, easy-to-use
- Worn for up to 12 hours at a time
The Diva Cup is a modern miracle, as far as I am concerned. I have been plagued with a heavy, unpredictable period since I hit puberty way back in the 80’s. It’s been no picnic and has left me with intense cramps and praying for menopause. No more! The Diva Cup has eliminated the mess, is able to be worn on those days that I “might” be starting and relieved the cramps.Relieved the Cramps!!
I highly suggest that if you have not tried the Diva Cup you do! It may take a couple of cycles to get used to it but once you do, you will be thanking me for turning you on to the Diva Cup. Through the generosity of Diva Cup, I am giving away a Diva Cup to one lucky reader. All you need to do is become an email subscriber and leave me a comment telling me your best green tip. The random winner will be selected on Friday June 17 at 9 pm EST.
The DivaCup really is an ingenious product. It’s a wonderful alternative to disposable pads and tampons and offers unsurpassed protection and worry-free ease in an innovative design. So, before you just say NO give it a try – it really is a “menstrual solution”!
Where to buy? Check out the The DivaCup website for more information.
The Diva Cup~Naturally Divalicious
Disclosure: I was provided with a free Diva Cup to use in order to review the product and give my own personal opinions on the Diva Cup. The opinions I have given are mine and may differ from others but were NOT influenced by Diva Cup.
2011/06/13
Am I a Good Parent?
Am I a good parent? I ask myself that question almost constantly. I’ve been spending a lot of time lately mulling over what makes a good parent? More importantly, what constitutes bad parenting? I just can’t can’t seem to get away from it. No matter the issue, I want confirmation that I am doing it right..not wrong. I want to be the cool mom who gives all the great parenting tips because I have my collective parenting shit together but I AM NOT!
Good Parent?
My parenting skills are not without there purpose. I’ve learned a few things over the years. My girls have thus far survived pregnancy unscathed, toddlerhood without too many gaping holes and moved steadily into the part of full blown preschoolers. But here is where it’s getting tricky. This is where I am seeing the glimmer of therapy to come in their little eyes.
Ok, so maybe I am a little phobic about bugs. Jeez, can I help it that it freaks me the holy hell out if my freckles move and I need to instantly disrobe and hit the showers or have a complete undercover panic attack? I try not to share this seedy underbelly of life with my girls but I’m pretty sure that they can see the ‘EEK” in my eyes. I mean, it’s pretty much palpable! Maybe this is why Bella has decided to take a pass on the swingset this morning. I hope not.
Perhaps, it’s not the best technique of parenting when I am trying to ~~get the house cleaned~~, ~~emails answered, blog post written~~ save the world and I leave the girls in front of ~~Yo Gabba Gabba, Tarzan, Family Guy~~ ( I jest, I jest) PBS for an extended amount of time. It’s not everyday and it’s not always but it happens. Just like chicken nuggets and cereal for dinner have happened. Or like forgetting dress down day at school? Permission slips? Homework? Does this make me a bad parent?

I know it’s not exemplary. I wouldn’t write a book about parenting and suggest that people leave kids in front of the obesity tube. But for all the phobias, idiosyncrasies they have picked up even a bit of snarkilicious attitude they know one thing for certain…we love them. We unconditionally, every second of every day, no matter the weather or our mood or how many daunting tasks we have on our plate…We love them. We tell them! We hug them, kiss them.We show them. True, I have them sitting at the table next to me working on spelling as I am typing this. Not as hands on as I could be at this moment but we’ll do manis and pedis and have some Mommy/Daughter time before dinner. Is this bad parenting? Or is it realistic parenting?
What do you think makes a good parent? What qualifies as bad parenting? What is your finest parenting moment? Worst? I want to know…
Who makes the good parent rulebook?
2011/06/29
The First rule of Baby Talk is that there is NO Baby Talk!
Baby Talk, I’ve never been a fan. Don’t get me wrong, when I see and adorable wee little ones my mind ( and uterus) loses all it’s God given sense and turns into a baby scooping maniac ( just as much as the next Mommy) but I don’t do the whole baby talk thing. I may have done it before I had children, who can remember back that far but since having my girls, I’ve always felt the need to only speak to them in complete sentences, using correct vocabulary and syntax. This probably has a lot to do with the extensive vocabularies my girls now have at 4 and 6. It also, probably explains why they were speaking in full sentences around the age of 18 months. We never used baby talk, just like we never used binkies and in doing so they were never needed or wanted them.
Baby Talk
So, basically for the past 6 years I’ve walked around the world thinking to myself, ” That Poor Mom has to figure out a way to get that damn binkie out of that 5 year old’s mouth before kindergarten ( kindergarten teachers have no tolerance for binky suckers (some of them are quite cold blooded..the teachers not the kids)” or “Awww, that little kid is going to get made fun of because they are still talking baby talk.That Poor Mommy and baby.” My girl still spoke with a baby voice when she started kindergarten but it has always been in complete sentences, even if her R’s were soft and she sounded like a teenie tiny mouse when she spoke. It was complete,understandable sentences..damn it.
Oh but don’t hate me too much yet, NOW at the ripe old ages of 4 and 6 the girls have decided that it might be fun to play with the binkies they found from when they were newborn. They chew them like they are candy. Apparently, they dually serve as child chew toys for the older set. Who knew? And that baby talk that has never existed in our house…well, my girls like to “play” baby and talk …BABY TALK! Have you any idea how maddening it is to hear a 6 year old purposely talk in baby talk? It is one of the most annoying things I have ever been witness to.
Just Say No to Baby Talk
I asked her repeatedly to quit the baby talk but she wanted no part of my pleas. I was becoming increasingly frustrated. At my wits end, I decided to turn the tables and start using baby talk when I spoke to her. Judging from the wide eyed, gaping mouth expression that it was met with, I could see that my girl was NOT approving of my speaking in baby talk.
“Mommy, you sound crazy. It’s so annoying.STOP!”
Me:”I will, if you will!”
Shes 6 so obviously, she wasn’t giving it up without a fight. She continued to baby talk around the house. She thinks it sounds cute when she does it. Let me assure, she is cute but the baby talk is NOT. It was seriously driving the Big Guy and myself batty. This had to be nipped in the bud. School is starting in a couple of weeks. So, I continued to baby talk too, even going as far as to do it in public. The horror ( for both of us). This, apparently, was enough to scare her into submission. My game of baby talk chicken has turned out in my favor. Next, I’m applying this thought process to everything. Never underestimate the power of a healthy dose of embarrassment. You see, the first rule of baby talk is there is no baby talk!
What bad habit has your child picked up that you had to break? What did you do? Was is binky addiction? Bottle retention? Lovey enslavement? Hitting? Biting? Attachment fixation? A jonesing for the thumb? Or a good healthy does of
Baby Talk abuse

*No children were abusively embarrassed by this post on baby talk. All embarrassment was in moderation and in the realm within God given rights of all parents to bestow upon their offspring, especially when trying to thwart the use of excessive baby talk.
2011/08/01
Change~I just had a Come To Jesus Meeting..with Jose!
*Change anyone?* It’s that time of year again. You know what ‘m referring to, no not back-to-school, that was Monday. It’s a little over a month until my birthday and you know that can only mean ONE thing…mental, physical and spiritual inventory must be taken. This is my process so this morning I had my first ( of what will be many, many) come to Jesus meetings over the next year. I had it with Jose. No, it’s not some nickname we Latinos have for the almighty, it’s my little brother who is one ( as I found out the hard way this morning) hardcore, ass kicking personal trainer.Seriously, it’s his profession. I knew that he knew how to take care of himself, obviously. He’s always been in top physical shape since he was old enough to lift his first dumbbell. But we’ve never lived in the same city. Now, we do. This is Jose.
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This is Jose. This is 200 lbs. of badass personal training in a 160 lb. bag of cuteness.I think the photo says it all *Charming*
He who rejects change is the architect of decay~Harold Wilson
Doesn’t he look sweet? That’s what I thought. What you are looking at, my friends, is my salvation ( physically speaking anyways). Two years ago, we moved to a new city. My life hit the reset button. I joined Weight Watchers and lost 25 pounds. Life was good. Then the Big Guy was downsized. Life was not so good.I had to quit the program and since I am very apparently a stress eater, I ate those 25 pounds right back on and with them came a few more. I was depressed about it. Former eating disorder girl say what. It’s really hard trying to stay the straight and narrow when what you are doing is so NOT working. But I do. I fight the urge every day to seek the comfort of the path that I know. I fight to be a good example for my girls. I fight to be the change I want to see in the world for the young girls today. I want to be better than my circumstances.
Then last year, right smack dab in the middle of the whole commuter marriage fiasco, I was offered an amazing opportunity to be a Nutrisystem Nation Blogger. Again, I lost that 20 pounds and felt amazing. But then life started spinning out of control again. Then we had to put the house on the market, we were going to be moving and I was stressed beyond capacity. There was my old friend ( arch nemesis) food to comfort away the uncertainty. That is if comfort means to bury it deep down and surround it by a giant hug of fat. But the only uncertainty it remedied was the uncertainty of whether or not I would gain back those 20 pounds again. Guess what? I did! What can I say those damn 20 pounds llloooovvvveeee me! Me, not so much feeling that love.
If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit
That brings us to this morning. We are moved. I am hitting the reset again. Hopefully for the last time for a long time. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am happy. I know it. I feel it in my very core ( well, that and a terrible side stitch that I haven’t been able to shake since my brother boot-camp). I have committed myself to the ~~drill Sargent~~ my little brother and made a promise to myself…I will feel comfortable in this skin of mine.Body dysmorphic disorder and Bulimia/Anorexia can all be damned. I’m not having it, ever again. With the help of my brother, the MOST invested, no nonsense personal trainer that anyone could ever ask for, fueled by a genuine concern and love for his sister, the next year will bring about huge change. I have a goal that I want to hit by my birthday next year and he is going to help me reach my goal. This is one of those moments in life where you are standing at a cliff and you have to decide if you want to take a chance and jump or maintain the status quo. I’m jumping! After this week, I may not be walking but I am jumping.
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We're going to call this the official BEFORE photo. I'll allow you to see me a sweaty mess but sweaty ponytail, no makeup and luggage under my eyes..A girl's got to maintain some tiny dignity:)
This journey is about more than just losing weight. It is about changing my entire lifestyle..forever. It’s no diets or gimmicks, it’s me facing the mirror and taking a good hard look at myself. It’s hard work personal training with my brother and learning to make good, healthy choices with real food. It’s me learning to live in the world. It’s me learning to love my body for all that it is and none of what it’s not. This is me, yelling it from the top of the cliff. I am proclaiming it to the world. It will happen. And this time when the first 25 pounds comes off, I’m giving all the clothes that are too big to the homeless shelter.I will do it every 25 pounds until all I am left with are the clothes that fit who I become.
My change starts right now
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2011/08/17
#BBCCHI~I went to Bloggy Boot Camp Chicago and All I got was Everything
This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending Bloggy Boot Camp in Chicago. I was really excited to go but then when Friday afternoon came around, I was a little nervous about leaving the girls for the weekend. Granted, I was leaving them with their father, my husband of 12 years, and their grandparents but it’s been just the 3 of us 24/7 for the past year and a half. I’ve only left them over night once, for less than 24 hours. It was hard. This was harder.
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Who could leave these two cuties in good conscience?
As I kissed their little faces and they hugged my neck, like it was the last time they’d ever see me, my heart began to break and my eyes began to fill with tears. We parted ways at the school. I drove in one direction. The Big Guy and my girls drove in the opposite. I’m not going to lie, it took everything in my being to not turn around.I drove slowly, my head spinning with things that I needed to call and tell my husband and I cried silently beneath my giant sunglasses. I called my husband to remind him to be patient and kind in my absence; to be understanding and extra attentive. I reminded him to make sure they ate fruits and vegetables with their meals ( I wouldn’t want them to develop a case of scurvy while I was gone, would I?). I reminded him to kiss them goodnight for me and tell them that I love them ( I wouldn’t want them to forget how very much they meant to me, would I?) I told him to make sure they did something fun together and to make sure that they didn’t miss me too much. ( Or was I afraid they would miss me too little?) My husband “yes, yes”d me and assured me that they would all be alive and well when I returned. I was satisfied…sorta. Until my 4 year old Skyped me late that night to watch her cry herself to sleep.Saddest.Thing.EVER!
Bloggy Boot Camp Here I Come
Saturday, I headed into the city. I was a little nervous because I wasn’t sure what to expect and it was my very first blogging conference. Almost immediately, I spotted a friendly face in Alexandra @GDRPEmpress who, by the way, is as kind and gracious in person as she is on Twitter. It’s not a persona, she is the real deal genuine article. We exchanged hugs and sighs of relief. She then introduced me to Tracy @Chimomwriter who is not only a talented writer, but is friendly, kind and felt like an old friend after only a few minutes of talking to her. The sessions were great. I found comfort in the validation of the choices that I have made thus far with my blog, which is always fabulous to hear. I was also given a lot to think about as to where I wanted my blog to go, what I wanted my brand to be and who I am as a blogger. All in all, it was a wonderful conference put on by the @SITSGirls. I would recommend it to anyone who blogs. It’s intimate, professional and fosters networking and sharing of ideas. I could feel the sisterhood in the support. It was amazing. It all culminated in great conversation, crazy photo booth pics and a delicious wine tasting sponsored by Mirassou. Can I just say I LOVE their Pinot Grigio.
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This is what it was all about..connecting with other women who share your bliss. L=@TruthfulMommy @ChimomWriter @GDRPempress R= @TruthfulMommy @(My lil sister) @TheNextMartha @GDRPEmpress @ChiMomWriter = A WHOLE LOT OF AWESOME BEING HAD BY ALL! XO
Bloggy Boot Camp Rocked
After all was said and done, I had left my girls with a heavy heart but thanks to Bloggy Boot Camp I had some much needed time to focus on me and I got to meet a lot of really wonderful, passionate women in the process. As I drove home on Sunday, I was in a hurry to hold my little girls in my arms. I made the three hour drive in about two and a half (Shhh, don’t tell my husband). I was greeted in the drive by two of the cutest little girls a Mommy could ever want ( in matching outfits, no less). As they screamed my name “MOMMY!!!” and ran to wrap their little arms around my neck and cover me in kisses, I knew the best part of going away was coming home.They led me into the house, where streamers and balloons were hung, a poster saying “Welgum Home MOME!”, my favorite dinner on the stove and a cake with a giant heart on it awaited me. The Big Guy gave me a kiss and although it was nice to have the quiet moments alone in Chicago, I wanted to marinate in the happy chaos that is my everyday.
Bloggy Boot Camp Chicago #BBCCHI

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2011/08/23
Maggie Goes On A Diet
Maggie Goes on A Diet ~ Is a new book with a targeted reading level of ages 4-8 years old and coming out in October of this year by author Paul M.Kramer. It is complete with cartoon like pictures and will be readily accessible and easy to read by your preschool-elementary aged child.
Synopsis: This book is about a 14 year old girl who goes on a diet and is transformed from being extremely overweight and insecure to a normal sized girl who becomes the school soccer star. Through time, exercise and hard work, Maggie becomes more and more confident and develops a positive self image.
Maggie Goes on A Diet; Don’t do it!
I have not read the book, or seen any excerpts, nor will I. This book will not be allowed in my house. I am the mother of two little girls and a survivor of eating disorder and forever a fighter of body dysmorphic disorder. Never heard of it? Let me help you become educated by defining something that has defined me for most of my life.
According to the Mayo Clinic: Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a type of chronic mental illness in which you can’t stop thinking about a flaw with your appearance — a flaw that is either minor or imagined. But to you, your appearance seems so shameful that you don’t want to be seen by anyone. Body dysmorphic disorder has sometimes been called “imagined ugliness.”
When you have body dysmorphic disorder, you intensely obsess over your appearance and body image, often for many hours a day. You may seek out numerous cosmetic procedures to try to “fix” your perceived flaws, but never will be satisfied.
A leading Cause: Environment. Your environment, life experiences and culture may contribute to body dysmorphic disorder, especially if they involve negative experiences about your body or self-image.
This has consumed me since about the age of puberty and will probably be a battle that I fight every day for the rest of my life. I have been told that I basically can not trust anything I see in the mirror. Do you know how that feels? Can you imagine not being able to trust your own judgement? It may seem inconsequential or vain but when you don’t see the real you in the mirror, that becomes a problem. This goes way beyond being unhappy with gain of 10-15 pounds. This is never being satisfied with my appearance.When you never feel physically good enough, or sub par, it takes a toll on your life in almost every facet. It’s a little easier for me now because I know that the disorder exists within me. With therapy and education, I have been able to begin to not allow the disorder to define me . I know that I will probably never be satisfied with what I see in the mirror and that is not a reflection of some ineptitude on my part but a symptom of the disease, in that I can take some small comfort.
Maggie Goes On a Diet
This book cover alone disturbs me deeply. This may seem innocuous but the message it sends to a child will be profound. This is how my reflection has always been but the opposite. No matter how small I was, I only saw someone large and ugly in the mirror. Not that the two go hand in hand, they certainly do not but for me (in my disease) I always needed to be just a little bit better. A little bit taller. A little bit smaller. My hair a little bit longer. A little bit curlier. A little bit straighter. My lips a little bit fuller. My eyes a little bigger. My nose, oh the bump on my nose, was monumental..practically a mountain. Boobs perkier. Legs longer. Fingers longer.Do you get the picture? No matter what I may have looked like, it was NEVER enough. For me, this book fosters this behavior. It sets a standard that perfection in appearance equals perfection in all areas of your life. This is simply not true. It never has been . It is an impossible standard. The next step in the progression would be eating disorders. Obviously, if you think that having the perfect body equals having the perfect life you are going to do all tat is necessary to reach that goal.
I do not believe that children should ever be put on a diet per se. I understand restricted diets for medical reasons; diabetes, allergies, etc. but just because a child gains a small amount of weight, I don’t think they should be put on a “diet”. It is our responsibility, as parents, to insure that our children get good quality healthy food and live a active lifestyle. We are the examples. We are the caregivers. I have had my own issues with food that I have had to deal with.They were dealt with long before I had children but it has made me aware that it is my responsibility to make healthy choices in mind, body and soul for the sake of my children. When anyone, a child or adult hears the word diet it instantly has a negative connotation associated with it. I feel that using the word diet with a child is imprinting a flaw in their mind. If I had it my way, my girls will never worry about the scale. I feed them a balanced diet and keep them active with play and dance. I don’t want them to know or care what they weigh. I just want them to be satisfied with who they are and to know that they are beautiful and perfect, as is. This book undermines that lesson and teaches children that to be beautiful, popular and a star of the team , you must be aesthetically pleasing to others and beautiful. This book cover alone screams the message that to be happy with your life, you must be perfect in the mirror. Shouldn’t the message be that to be happy in your life, you must be beautiful on the inside and satisfied with your place in the world not the size of your dress?
Just Say No to Maggie Goes on A Diet
2011/08/29