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The TRUTH About Motherhood

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  • Getting to Know you Sunday!

    Getting to know YOU
     Questions are:

     1.If you had 5000.00 to spend on plastic surgery what would you have done? 
    Well, I would definitely have the “girls” placed back to their original location because we all know the bigger they are, the harder they fall! I’d probably also have those girls evened out. If I had any money left over, which I probably wouldn’t, maybe some ass implants since I definitely have a case of the Mexican flat bootie disease. If there was more, tummy tuck, botox, and maybe some collagen for the lips. Just saying, off the top of my head:)

    2. Do you watch Soap operas and if so what is your favorite and why? 
    No soap operas since high school, but I am definitely a follower of TRUE BLOOD. Why you ask? Because, Vampires are apparently hot.. I think its the whole glamouring/ sucking on your neck thing plus they never age and they are apparently SMOKIN HOT!

    3. Favorite clothing brand?

    As long as its cute, I don’t care. But I do love Burberry, Louboutin, Diane Von Furstenberg, Anthropologie, and Juicy..to name a few!

    4. An afternoon shopping spree at your favorite store or maid service for a year? 
    Actually, how about a spa day! That’s what I rally need!

    5. Would you ever vajazzle? 
    Sure, why not… I try everything at least twice!

    6. Favorite Disney Princess? 
    I love Tiana from the Princess and the frog because she was very “real” but I also love Belle from Beauty and the Beast because she reminds me of my girls, Izabella and Gabriella!

    7. Last movie that made you bawl your eyes out? 
    Lots make me cry, most recent… Mamma Mia. I know you are saying… what? Well, when the “Slipping through my fingers” song came on, my then 4 year old looked up and me and said.” Mommy… this is mine and your song!” Now, every time I hear it I cry!

    8. Have you ever broken any bones and if so what?
    Yes, arm.. roller dome skating accident when I was 11. Tripped over my little sister who I was skating with. It really hurt but at least I didn’t hurt my little sister!

  • You kiss your Mother with that mouth?

    God knows I have two of the most precious, beautiful little princesses to ever walk the face of the earth but some of the things that come out of their mouths…well, not so princess like. For instance, this morning, this is what I heard at my breakfast table..
     Gabs: “Me faaaarted!” (apparently, she was having a little issue with flatulence) .
    Bella: “Gabs!!!! You don’t just fart and say  ‘Me Farted” . You say, “Excuse me. I farted, OK?” ( almost like, do you have a problem with that.) Mind you I am sitting at the table absolutely losing it, I am literally in tears.. It continues on…
    Gabs:”NO, me say- Me FAAAAARTED!” (Uncontrollable maniacal laughing ensues.)
    Bella (completely unamused) “What are you going to do when you are in school? (She’s so mature just because she is starting Kindergarten next year. What a big girl!) “Gabs, you have to say EXCUSE ME!”
    Gabs: “Why?”
    Bella:”Because its rude!!” (She has almost exhausted her very last nerve. I seem to be familiar with that feeling).
    Gabs: “WHHHHHHY?” (All exasperated and fed up with Bella’s nagging!)
    Bella: “Because it Stinks!!”(Huff Puff)
    Gabs: “Me NO Stink!”(completely indignant).
    Bella: “What? Are you just going to fart and run away??”
    Gabs: (So completely over the conversation) “Yeah, me run away!” And she got up and left the table!
    I was in awe of this conversation because Bella was being so mature and trying to explain manners to her 2 year old sister and because Gabs was completely loving driving her sister bananas. She knows to say excuse me, she just thinks its funny to irritate her sister by announcing the fact that she has broke wind. Oh , my princess, I’m so proud of her fearlessness.

       Gabs: She looks sweet, right? Don’t be fooled!

    Bella: All business; no time for your shenanigans Gabs! I’m calling Daddy! You’re in trouble!

  • Where’s that damn forest?

    I’m looking over some recent pictures of my girls today and I notice something that stuns and really bothers me.Gabi looks like she is in a constant state of dishevelment ( this kid will not keep her hair pulled back. I can fix it 30 times a day and she still ends up looking like cousin  Oscar from the Brady bunch, or Joey Ramone, or any other long haired Joey you can imagine). This is not acceptable. Bella never went in public with her hair looking in such a state.Speaking of Bella, my beautiful free-spirited, always giggling Bella, now in her pictures she looks like she is unhappy. She is smiling but the gleam that used to be there is not there anymore and it breaks my heart. She is a tough bird. She is definitely the suck it up and chin up kinda girl. You never see her down, she won’t let you. She makes the most of all situations even if they are less than desirable. She is her Mommy’s daughter in that way.But pictures don’t lie, she looks sad in the way only a Mama would know. She’s missing her friends, her school, her play dates, her life. But she won’t complain because she is so smart and she knows this is the situation. This should not be the concern of a 5 year old.I also notice that I am suspiciously absent from most pictures these days because, to be honest, I feel as if through this last move..I’ve lost control. I’ve reverted back to my workout clothes as acceptable public clothing ( which they are not unless you are actually in the middle of working out) , I never have time to workout ( adding more guilt because I feel like the worst role model on the face of the earth), my straightener who I was using religiously has given way to the ‘ponytail’. There never seems to be enough hours in the day to accomplish all the things that I want or need to do.It’s not Gabi’s hair, my absence of interest in how I look, that’s bothering me, its the fact that the hair is a reflection of what has been going on in our lives over the past few months.It’s the light gone out of Bella’s eyes, the genuine happiness she used to radiate. Here’s how it went down; Daddy has job, Daddy loses job, Daddy gets new job, we move across the country,job down sizes Daddy after 8 months, we move back to original home ( since it never sold) , Daddy gets new job, Daddy moves to Iowa, we stay behind because job is contract. It has been madness all the way round…crippling madness.The girls cry every other night for their Daddy to tuck them in, to play with them outside, to do all the Daddy stuff that he’s always done. I think I am doing an OK job of functioning normally when Daddy is gone but obviously not. I know it, the girls have caught on and I have to change it. But how do I force myself to pull it all together when I am seriously doing the best that I can with the cards I was dealt? To make matters worse, I can’t even talk about it to anyone because…my friends here probably think “Jesus, get over it. You are home.You should be happy”. My friends still living where we most recently left, well, I am bitter because I miss them so damn much and I am here and they are there and I feel displaced. Nothing worse than feeling like life is moving on even though you are not there:)Yes, the world does not revolve around me..once again I am painfully reminded. I can’t talk to my husband because I don’t want to lay that kind of guilt on him. I know him, he’d quit and come home but then where would we be? I just keep telling myself, the best thing for us is right around the corner. I know it.There is no way we’ve gone through all this over the past 2 years for nothing ( God, I hope not).I can’t talk to my family because quite frankly, if you’ve not been in the situation you can not imagine how hard it is. It’s like childbirth, even if I told you ,you wouldn’t believe it and even if you did..you could never fathom the gaping void it leaves in your world. Here I sit, writing it all out hoping to find some catharsis. I may not be able to fix this ‘situation’ but I can fix my reaction to it. So, tomorrow, whether I feel like it or not, I will be getting “ready” before going into public. I will make myself ,once again, a priority. Because, baby, you are what you think you are and if I don’t think I am worth it, neither will anyone else. But most importantly, I am making tomorrow Bella and Gabi Day, as will be every day from now on ( well, at least most days..once in a blue moon Mama may need to keep herself sane:). For now, I have to chin up and chest out. I’m bringing back that gleam in my baby’s eyes, no matter what it takes.I just wish it didn’t take me having to look at pictures to realize what was going on right in front of me. I guess its true, sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees.

    Happy! Last year before “the move” and all the chaos!

    Messy hair, disingenuous happiness!

  • Mean Mommies

    Ever had an instance in your adult life as a Mommy where you felt like you were instantaneously back in high school? That instance of which I talk is Mean Mommies; otherwise known as Mommies who like to bully.None of us are perfect, we’re all just trying to survive and get through this part of our life without significantly damaging our children and hopefully with all of our hair in tact. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely Love being a Mommy. It is exactly where I always knew, that I always wanted to be; sharing my life with some amazing little people, loving on them and making some memories. But there are those times when we all need a little lifeline. I’ve referenced my issue with talking incessantly when I am around other Mommies. It’s the sheer fact that I need that adult conversation to keep my brain from turning to mush. I also happen to love having that sounding board to bounce all of my craziness off of and have someone else nod there head in agreement. These little things are what get us through the rough times. These small gestures from our sisters in the field; help us to make sense of it all and put it into perspective; to actually enjoy this wonderful part of life we are experiencing, regardless of how exhausted or stressed out we may be. Sometimes, we put our hand out for a hand up, we make ourselves vulnerable to a new person because we think we could all use another friend and instead of friendship extended, we get bupkis. Shut down and denied like a husband trying to get some sugar during that first month you’re home with a newborn. It just ain’t happening. I’ve watched it happen. A Mommy introduces herself into a conversation between two other Mommies, at some child oriented function i.e gymnastics, Gymboree, ballet, soccer, and she is shut completely down. Denied. Ignored. The other Mommies act as if they never even heard her speak. It is not pretty and it is certainly not nice.Don’t we want to be better examples than that for our own children? I don’t want my girls running around thinking they are better than anyone else, or having a sense of entitlement. We are all people and ,as such, we should all be treated equally. Please, Mean Girls are bad enough..is there really any place in this world for Mean Mommies? I think not!

  • Can I please get a filter for this thing?

    So, I make a new “Mommy” friend…everything is bright and shiny and new. I think she is awesome, she thinks I rock, our kids get along and then we go do something or go somewhere that doesn’t include our children. It doesn’t focus on what our children are doing or what milestones they are hitting.In fact, its the antithesis of that …its just two gals trying to have a grown up conversation over a beverage, that may or may not have alcohol in it. Anyways, this is pretty exciting. It kinda feels a little like a date, because you are trying to impress them with your wit and charm ( because lets face it, Mommy friends are like gold) and a little like an interview. This is all great, especially since in our line of work (Being a Mommy)  there’s not a lot of room for “adult” conversation. In fact, isn’t our sole purpose to keep these children alive and well, so that’s’ probably why we talk about them and what’s going on in their lives so much. It’s like giving a report to the world on our hot, new up and coming product. Here is where things get dicey for me. Raise your hand if you’ve been here before; seriously, I hope I’m not alone in this predicament. It seems, as soon as you (meaning me) take the relationship from the preschool hallway , ballet school hallway,

    whatever other hallway where I meet these women that I am dropping my children off at..I find myself in this very odd phenomenon. It’s odd for me because I am a talker and am not usually at a loss for words, nor do I need to go in search of them. But for some reason, whenever I am alone in this situation, it seems I develop this bizarre loss for words. What’s worse, the word constipation is followed by a very steady stream of diarrhea of the mouth ( not bad breath , though it may be better suited to be described in a different light) . The phenomenon that I am referring to is, I start rambling like a speeding train on a track to hell. I feel the space with what can only be described as Truthful Mommy unnecessary and should be kept to myself trivia.Things, Oh God inappropriate things, come flying out of my mouth. It’s like some form of tourettes. It is so embarrassing to me; I sit there, as its happening, wishing , hopelessly I could stop the words, or better yet remove the ones already said from the ears of my audience. You know that feeling you got in college when you went out and had too good of a time, you woke up the next morning thinking, “Oh crap! What did I do?” but this is worse, I am coherent..I know what I am saying but I can’t stop these unfiltered words from leaving my mouth. Here’s is an example of what a conversation might sound like, New friend/never again to be seen friend (NF/NASF) ” Yes, my husband is fantastic. He does the dishes every night.” Unfiltered me (UM) ” My husband is the best lover I have ever had. He is working on a new version of the Kama Sutra!” (Appropriate response? Probably not!) (NF/NASF) ” I need to workout more!” (UM) “I was a bulimic for 10 years.Vanilla ice cream tastes like a shake , on the return trip!” These are NOT actual conversation excerpts, but a fair example of the gamut of what could possibly come out of my mouth in these situations is about as random. So, you see the dilemma? What , dear God, can I fill the space of quietness with? Maybe silence is golden for a reason!

  • Today, there is Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy

    Yesterday, I was shocked by the news of the day. I spent the next 24 hours “feeling” my feelings. I’d be calm, then cry, then sad, then shocked some more, then irate.As I was packing the girls room up, while Bella was at preschool (so she wouldn’t notice that it was being packed up), I packed while she was at school so she would have no idea things were going into boxes rather than into drawers and closets. While I was rushing to do this before she got home, I couldn’t place why I kept getting angry and falling to pieces. Surely, cleaning their room wasn’t anything to cry about.I just couldn’t place what was making this time, the third time in 17 months that my husband had gotten the news of a lay off, so much worse.Then ,I figured it out. This time was different because this time one of the people that I love more than anything else in life, my 4 year old, Bella was old enough for this to actually affect her. I have been reassured that children are resilient .In my mind, I know this. I know that when she is a teenager, she will have no recollection of this entire situation. She won’t be scarred for life, need therapy, or even care but that doesn’t help me ..now.See, this has happened before.The first time, she was pretty unaffected. She was 3, she was oblivious. But the second time, I was so distraught myself that I forgot to filter my actions and words and she knew exactly what was going on. Bad, bad Mommy. I felt horrible about the whole thing.No 4 year old should be aware of finances and the family economic situation, let alone be afraid of going without..anything. When we had to relocate, she was sad and full of trepidation at the thought of leaving “her” best friends, “her” ballet class, “her” swing set, “her” bedroom, “her” toys,”her ” house etc. etc. It was all very overwhelming to her and it was all my fault. If I would have kept “MY” mouth shut, she would have been unphased. It’s kinda like when your kid falls, if you don’t gasp and run to their rescue..its as if they never even fell. They usually don’t even cry. They are tough, they are resilient. We, however, are not apparently. So, last time we had to uproot, I kicked and screamed all the way ( metaphorically, of course) and she did it literally. Good example Mommy. Worse, above all else, was the fact that she was so afraid of the whole experience. I did that. This time, I promised myself that I would hold my tongue and she would not see me cry. She would be blissfully unaware. Her and her sister will not know that Daddy got laid off and we are scared to death in this economy. No, this time I will smile and just tell her that we are going home to be closer to our old friends and family. This time, I will be an adult and spare my child the fear and uncertainty that she does not need to experience at the ripe old age of 4. This time I will be the adult and protect her from this awful thing called life. She has the rest of her life to find out that life is not perfect and we don’t always get what we want and sometimes we have to struggle. But today, she is four and today, there is Santa, the Tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny. Daddy is the strongest man in the world and Mommy is the most beautiful woman and we both are perfect..in her eyes.Life is perfect.Today, I will guard her innocence with my life. She is my baby and she has the rest of her life to be disappointed, but for today I refuse to let her be anything but happy. Today, I will be your Mommy and your umbrella from all of life’s rain. I love you Bella and Gabs! You are my sunshine!!

  • Unemployment and the Family~ How to Survive it

    Unemployment and the Family~ How to Survive it

    unemployment

    Unemployment makes Beggars of Proud Men

    Unemployment is usurper of life. This morning, I woke up feeling a little nauseous in my stomach. Morning sickness, no not likely. It was that nervous feeling you get right before impending doom. As some of you are aware, it has been a hectic year or so for the Truthful Mommy clan. I was counting on a much smoother 2010, but apparently that’s not very likely.

    You see in the August of 2008, the Big Guy lost his job. It was absolutely awful and our life was shattered. Within 2 weeks, the very same company who let him go brought him back…reviving our shocked and on life support livelihoods. All was good in the world or so we thought. Poor little unsuspecting, gullible us.

    After a miserable autumn of playing financial catch up after the havoc those 2 weeks created, spring arrived. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming, friend’s babies were being born and we had a pretty wonderful spring until sometime around mid May. I can’t recollect the exact date because to be honest I sorta blacked out from the shock. Once again, the the Big Guy came home in the middle of the day and gave me the news that he no longer was employed. The company that had done this to us last August was now being sold to a competitor and they were closing the facility. That was that. No job…no warning, no problem. I mean come on, we were somewhat of semi professionals at this by now. We knew the routine..call the credit card companies, cut back the cable and phone bills, tighten the belts, blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH!!!

    So, fool me once shame on me…fool me twice…. We lived life those days in a haze, a fog of uncertainty, not unlike that of lots of people these days. I was angry, he was angry. I cried, he drank. The kids knew something was wrong but weren’t quite sure what. It was awful..absolutely horrible. What were we going to do about our mortgage? Our health insurance? Car payments? Ballet?Preschool?Food? Oh my, it was totally overwhelming.

    After a couple weeks of unemployment, a lot of restless nights, quite a bit of getting on one an others nerves, and a big hole in our savings later, the company who bought my husbands company, like a shining knight, came to our rescue. They wanted to interview him, obviously, he accepted. Then, hallelujah, like a miracle he was employed again. It was a great thing indeed but it was not without costs.

    In order to accept this position, we had to leave our friends and family behind and relocate ,literally, half way across the country away from all that we knew. But you know, the Big Guy and I are firm believers that as long as we all have our health, are together and love each other..everything else will work itself out. We will be fine. God will provide and put us just where we need to be. With an open mind and a willing heart, we did it. We packed the girls up and moved to Virginia.

    It was completely different than anything we knew and we embraced it all. I threw myself into making friends and making things as normal for my girls as it could be. I made wonderful new friends, joined groups, made play dates, found a ballet school, a wonderful preschool, and even became an active room Mother. I was absolutely loving Virginia. For the first time in a long time, things were feeling normal. I was feeling normal and like I belonged, aside from the fact that our house back home hadn’t sold yet and we were paying two mortgages, essentially, all was well.

    Unemployment is a sneaky bitch

    After the most amazingly beautiful autumn in Richmond, and a lovely pre-holiday season, we headed home to the Midwest for the holidays. WE were greeted by lots of love and warm wishes but blistering cold and lots of snow. By the time we left, after loading a 16 foot u haul in freezing cold blizzard conditions, driving 14 hours with 2 toddlers have simultaneous meltdowns and car sickness in more blizzard conditions, imagine my happiness to be back to Virginia where it was actually above the single digits.

    I had come to accept that though I missed family and friends terribly, this was my new life and it was pretty sweet. I was looking forward to my new life in Virginia and a new home, etc. Then 8 days passed and the Big Guy was told he needed to make a appointment with the HR lady. Are you frigging kidding me!! Talk about blindsided. WTF was this nonsense? Were they giving him a special “you are so awesome award’? Because, in my mind, that better had be the only effing reason they would have the audacity to call my husband into the HR. Have I mentioned this was the third time in a little over a year this had happened..essentially at the same company!! My mind was thoroughly blown! So, he scheduled a meeting. The HR lady ran late. He waited an hour and a half, not to mention that he was about to vomit no less,and she never showed..running late. You know busy firing and laying off poor unsuspecting, thinking their lives were great, sons of a bitches:(

    Finally this morning, he got his meeting. Guess what? My dear husband has been laid off…again! Seriously, WTF!!!!! I know this economy is hard, for everybody, but seriously does life just want to see how far it can push us until we break? My sanity may truly be in question. Who does this? To be fair, the company is very remorseful but hard facts are that they have too many employees and need to cut heads..its that time of the year.They are putting together a severance, reimbursing us for the Uhaul, paying to break the lease, paying to send us back home with our tails between our legs but what I want to know is who the hell is going to give me back the last 6 months of my life?

    Honestly, I kept saying I felt like I was on some bizarro extended vacation..I chalked it up to living in corporate housing and living a pseudo existence but now I think I knew, in my heart, all along that this wasn’t going to last. To recap, I have cut ties with those at home because I had moved, now the friends I made here will slowly distance themselves from me( it is the nature of the beast..nobody likes to be too vested in someone leaving..its hard, I understand..I’ve been here before and once again I am left to pick up the pieces and rebuild my life. It just happens to be that I am rebuilding in a pile of rubble that I am familiar with.Fantastic!

    The icing on the cake, this all happens on shark week of the month that you could imagine!Wow! Life is sweet! Thanks life for metaphorically kicking the crap outta me, yet, once again!Life, I don’t know what exactly it was I did to piss you off but I think we’ve been punished enough for awhile. Can you please lay off a bit? My backside is sore from the unemployment induced, stress ass kicking that you’ve been giving me over the past few months. Sincerely, Debi

    Unemployment Sucks Balls, Big Sweaty ones

  • The House that Built Me

    I’m feeling a little nostalgic for my home and my parents. Who knows maybe it has something to do with my girls and all these firsts for them of late, the letting go and moving on a letting go some more, maybe it has to do with the loneliness and upheaval of my husband being 300 miles away on a daily basis, or maybe the fact that my Mom has been ill and I have been worried about her health…missing my Mommy. They say love makes a house a home and that home is where the heart is. I believe that. I grew up in a small house with 6 brothers and sisters, but we loved each other. It may not have been much to look at  but it was home. It is where I grew from a child to a woman. (more…)

  • Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 25 – Get Some Sleep

    Today’s Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 25 – Get Some Sleep
    is pretty self explanatory. We are all better parents when we get some sleep. I know its hard, if not impossible but when we are well rested we think better, function better, react more maturely.
    God knows I am guilty of not getting enough sleep ( i.e. regularly posting at 2 am) but with school starting, I’ve been forced to check my routine. There is no way I can go to bed at 3 AM and wake up at 6:30 and be any good to anyone. Plus, I am pretty sure I’d be as mean as a caged animal. So,I’ve been shooting for midnight and waking at 6:30 and it seems to be working. Now, on nights when I’ve actually gotten 8 consecutive hours of sleep, I’ve been told I am pretty damn pleasant to be around.

    #25: Get Some Sleep
    I realize that it’s not always feasible for us to get a full night’s sleep, but set your Tivo or DVR, put some projects , emails, blog posts on temporary hold, and get some sleep. It’s really quite amazing what an extra hour (or 4) can do.Happy Sleeping, my friends!

  • Monday Minute


    *Favorite 80s flick?
    All time favorite absolutely has to be 16 Candles!
    How my heart swooned for Jake Ryan as a teenager:) Sigh*

    *One genre of music needs to be banned. Which genre?
    It all depend on my mood, but normally I’m not a fan of the Smack my bitch up rap music


    *All time favorite candy?
    Love the Turtles!


    *How ‘flawed’ is your driving record?
    Speeding and a lil reckless driving is it.



    *What was high school mascot? 
    The WILDCATS!!!
    and finally

    What color socks are you wearing? 
    The intention is to work out, so I am wearing white ankle socks with YOGA  PANTS and  a ponytail of course.


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