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The TRUTH About Motherhood

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  • Baby Of Mine

    Kindergarten has been a big step for our Bella and it doesn’t seem that the firsts show any sign of slowing down anytime soon. I have mixed emotions about all of this. For the most part of it, I am very excited for my Bella. Unfortunately, the fact that I left the girls overnight for the first time ever coupled with the fact that she has had about 4 firsts in the past week, add to that me trying to upload photos and stumbling into a folder with photos of my Bella when she was newborn to about 2 years old and on top of that add the Bette Midler song Baby Mine and I am sitting here, alone in the middle of the night, feeling a bit emotional. As always, I share these moments with you, my friends.

    Last Tuesday, while we were at ballet class with Gabs, Bella and I were sitting in the car waiting for Gabs to be done. Bella was in the passenger seat spelling out words ( She is getting to be such a big girl) and I am reading. I hear the click clack of her Barbie laptop stop, I glance over and there she is..tying her shoe..all.by.herself! It really felt a lot like those first steps she took when she was about 10 months old. I was so proud. She’s only been shown once. She amazes me. Where did that helpless little baby go? How can I be so happy and so sad simultaneously? Mostly, I was proud. Just ask any of my friends and family…I took a picture of it and mass texted it to them all.

    First Shoe Tie 9/21/10

    Then on Wednesday, we had our first rehearsal for the Nutcracker. I can’t believe that 3 years have already passed since she first started ballet. She was such a tiny thing when she first began and now she is a snowflake. She looked like such a big girl ballerina in her leotard, tights, and performance bun. I do realize its the same thing she wears to class every single week for class. But something is different, my Bella is different. She is growing up every hour of every single day.Letting go, even a little, hurts a lot but thank God it is dulled by the happiness that she shows on her face when she accomplishes something that she has set her mind to. It amazes me what a strong characterful little person she is at such a young age.

    First Nutcracker Rehearsal for the Snowflakes 9/22/10. This is the photo that broke the Big Guys heart because he had to miss this moment.

    Then on Thursday, she came home with 2 declarations. The first one was “Mommy, I was chosen as one of the stars of the day.” Me: “Great,baby!I’m so proud of you!” Bella: ( a little bashful) “Umm, Mommy, the star of the day gets a piece of bubblegum.” And with that she pulls a little baggy from behind her back, with one little red gumball in it. She is smiling so big that I can hardly stand it. Me;”Bella, you know you are too young for gum.” Who the hell gives gum to kindergartners? This is the same teacher who is so strict about no unhealthy snacks.Yeah, OK. I am watching as Bella’s face is losing its smile. Bella: “But Mommy, the other stars got one too!” How could I deny her her reward that she was so obviously proud to have been chosen to receive. I told her that we would split it, and she could chew it for 5 minutes in my eyesight, but from now on she would have to put them in a Ziploc, put them in the freezer and save them until she’s 8! I know, very random solution but it satisfied her for the moment. I’m not a fan of gum for kids…bad for teeth, choking hazard, etc.

    The next declaration was a little more substantial, thank goodness we had spat our gum out or I may have swallowed mine. Bella, puts her hand on her hip, has a very nervous look on her face and says,”Mommy,I’ve got to tell you something” Me: “Yes, Bella, what do you need to tell me?” Bella: “Mommy, I like Bill* (*names have been changed to protect the innocent) and Bill likes me!” She’s blushing, so I am pretty sure I know what that means. But I don’t want to embarrass her. I want her to be able to tell me anything.But, I had to know,”Bella, do you mean like a boyfriend?” Bella: (blushing and giggling and averting eye contact) “No, Mommy..like he’s my best friend!” I heard what she said, but I also saw what her face said, that little face that I have read every single day for the past 5 and a half years..her little heart is happy. She has her first crush.

    Today, as I was waiting for Bella to come out of class ( she is one of only 4 half day kindergartners) and so is Bill*. Bill’s mother sits down next to me and says, “I was told to be here early , I have been given strict orders to find out from you when the Nutcracker performances are because Bill* said he has to go see Bella in the Nutcracker.” We both giggled, because its obviously the sweetest thing either of us have ever heard…ever. But, oh my God, I won’t lie it choked me up just a bit. As we’re pulling out, Bella and Gabs are gleefully screaming “Bye, Bill!” And the cutest little boy ever waves them both on. In the car ride home, Bella informs me that I must talk to his mother about setting up a play date with Bill*. She continues on and tells me that the two of them were talking about it. She told him he could come over and play dress up with her. She told him he could be a fairy. He said,”Nah, I have a cape with jewels on it. I can be the prince and you can be my princess!” Priceless. do you hear that “Awwwww” in your head too? Or is it just me? It also makes me wonder, am I scheduling a play date or just a date?

    This, of course, catapults me about 20 years into the future and I can already feel myself losing that helpless little baby I met on the day she was born to the man of her dreams on her wedding day. I am now more convinced than ever that parenthood is misery peppered with moments of profound bliss. God has given us these little people that steal our hearts, our minds, and our bodies and then in the end they leave us alone to miss them. Now, I understand why grandchildren are so important..its a way for parents to have a little part of their children back. Its probably also why grand kids can get away with so much. Parents have already felt the loss of their children growing up and leaving and have a new barometer of what is acceptable behavior and what is not. To be able to hold your children in that moment when they are little perpetually would be worth almost any price to have again, once they are grown. For now, I am going to cherish every single first, smile, giggle, even the tantrums and heartbreak because this time passes too quickly. Baby of Mine!

  • Be A Better Me (You) Challenge-Day 13 ~ Love yourself unconditionally

    Yesterday’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge -Day 12 ~ See yourself through your child’s eyes
     is not always easy, especially when I feel like a hot mess or am overwhelmed by it all. But if I listen to my children, somehow in their wisdom they see the me I am on the inside. The Me that I have always been and will always be..the beautiful Mess that is me. So, today I am embracing the Me that my girls see every time they look at their Mommy, its probably very much like the best versions of them that I see every time I lay eyes on their small little perfection. Hope you are embracing the awesome you that your children know you are; because I think kids have special powers they can see the real us….even if we forget what that person looks like.

    Today’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge – Day 13~ Love yourself unconditionally. It’s exactly what it sounds like. We have to learn to stop putting ourselves down and comparing ourselves to some kind of unrealistic standard..that doesn’t exist. We need to take yet another lesson from our kids and love ourselves the way they love us; the way we love them.  No one is perfect, that is a fact. What we must strive for is to be our best selves. I have always been my hardest critic. I’m too fat. My skin is flawed.I have too many freckles. I’m not tan enough. My hair is not perfect enough. My smile is not white enough. My clothes are not right. I should be doing more with my life. I don’t have a career worth mentioning. I am not a good enough daughter, sister, Mother, wife, friend. Its always something.  I always feel like I fall short.You know why? Because the standard is impossible. To meet the standard, every  waking would be needed to acquire the impossible dream there would be no time for real living..loving..laughing. My challenge for you is to love yourself, for who you are..not who you want to be. You deserve to be able to love yourself;no matter the size of your jeans, in spite of your imagined imperfections. You are more than you give yourself credit for. Would you not love your children because they weren’t perfect? Of course you would and so should you love yourself. You can never be your best you, if you don’t truly embrace the person you are now.

    You are worthy of all that life has to offer. You just have to believe that yourself. That is the key to acquiring all that the world has to offer and to, more importantly, enjoying it! Now, tell me how you can make efforts to love yourself unconditionally. This will be the hardest one for me thus far. A little body dysmorphic disorder goes a long way. Please link up!

  • Be a Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 4 ~Bring Your sexy back

    Yesterday’s Be a Better Me ( YOU) Challenge-Day 3~ You are what you think you are
    went well. I am trying to be who I want to be and not be enslaved by who I think I’ve become. This one will take work. As it took years for me to fall into my rut and devolve into what a feel is a lesser version of who I was meant to be, it will take me time to change my way of thinking; to believe I am who I say I am. It takes time to build yourself up. So, like a very wise woman once said ” Fake it til you make it!”

    Today’s Be a Better Me Challenge~ Do something sexy

    I don’t mean that you have to go shag your husband on the L, or go commando..though if that’s what gets your motor running, I say go for it. No, what I a referring to is do something that makes you feel sexy… in your own skin. It could be wearing something sexy, not wearing something, a scent, a food, a hair do, a dance, sing a song,a way you talk, a way you kiss your husband, whatever it is..do it. I know, for me, that after playing Mommy all day, every day, sometimes its hard to turn on “Debi”the woman. The self confident, loving her body, feeling sexy woman that my husband met has pretty much left the building most days of the week. It’s not like before you had kids and you could just make out on the couch, the kitchen counter, or the living room floor..anytime you wanted. Now, things have to be planned and calculated and taking away spontaneity can lead to us not feeling as sexy. Add to that wiping asses, being spit up on, wearing those dreadful yoga pants and being called Mommy all day long, it becomes damn near impossible to feel like we pass for presentable, much less sexy. Unless, you are one of those women who feels all kinds of sexy covered in baby fluids, buried under laundry , and wreaking of Pinesol; if so, you go girl! Me, I need to feel sexy to myself before I can be sexy for anyone else. Right now, I have less time to work out, clean up, or dress myself than I have ever had in my entire life so when I feel unattractive, its hard to feel sexual. But most of us have something that takes us back and reminds us of the women we are. The sex kitten hiding inside the Mommy. Our Aye Mami ! You remember her? I bet your husband does. For me, its a particular red nightie that takes me right back to that 25 year old version of me that I actually felt hot being. Summons that bitch up. Do whatever makes YOU feel sexy and then grab your husband after the kids go down (or before they wake up) and be as sexy as you want to be. You will feel more confident, more relaxed, and you’ll walk a little taller that day plus your husband will be smiling for days. There is nothing sexier than a woman who feels sexy in her own skin. Now go bring your sexy back!
    Link up your post about how you bring your sexy back! If you link up and you do not have a post in response to the challenge, it will be removed. Can’t wait to hear all of your great ideas!

  • Be a Better Me (You) Challenge-Day 6~Try Something New

    First , today I can also be found at Things I can’t Say. Go over there and check out my post Ice Cream for the Soul for the Friends You Love Blog Hop! Thanks to Shell for asking me to guest post on her awesome blog. Go show her some love, you won’t be sorry that you did!

    FriendsYouLove

    Yesterday’s Be a Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 5 ~ Time for yourself
    was easy to complete because I had the luxury of being at my in laws house and my husband was with us, so compared to my normal everyday, I had help. It was fantastic being able to pop my headphones on and read some blogs ….in peace. I hope you found your 20 minutes. I really do believe it is imperative to being a better you, to actually have a few minutes a day to visit with yourself. It’s easy to forget who you are if you never get to spend time with that person anymore.

    Today’s Be a Better Me (You) Challenge -Day 6~ Try something new.
    As we find ourselves getting caught up in our routine, especially with kids, errands, career, and wifely duties it gets easy to get comfortable. Comfort is great in shoes, furniture, and clothes but not necessarily in our lives. When we get comfortable, we tend to get stagnant. It’s the if its not broken why fix it syndrome. I personally, strive to try new things always. I want to be a work in progress. I am still in  the early stages of my life,why would I want to stop trying to see what’s out there? My life is pretty sweet but who knows what I could learn, change, add to it to make it better. I  want to experience all life has to offer. If I get in a comfortable routine and stop trying new things, I am limiting my own potential as a person. I am effectively diminishing my quality of life. It sounds simple, and it really is, but its a conscience choice we have to make for ourselves every day. Choose to try something new; whether it’s a new food, meeting a new person, a new vacation spot, a new sport, a new way of doing your hair, a new route for driving to work, a new way of talking to your kids…whatever it is, try something new! It will break the monotony of your daily routine and it may just introduce you to something that may change your life for the better forever. You never know until you try. Be open to opportunity!

    My Challenge for you today is to try something new. Link up and share with us something new you tried and how it effected you. Can’t to see what you all came up with!

  • Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 27 – Celebrate good times

    Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 27 – Celebrate good times

    Today’s Be a Better Parent Challenge #27: Celebrate good times – big or small
    Growing up my husband’s family celebrated birthdays and such with a nice family dinner and cake with the grandparents. So, my husband pretty much things I am a crazy over the top celebrator ( YOU know like my birthday Month next Month!)But that’s how I do things.Sigh.
    My parents had 6 children so everything was already a party and if you added our immediate cousins to the mix, it was a full on bash with like 45 kids. Which I love and hope to aspire to do with my girls. My parent’s had little money so they celebrated thoughtful, but not extravagant, so the gifts or sentiments were always small but meaningful but the actual celebration was huge.
    This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to throw a party, but what about dinner out, or flowers, or a special cake? Anything that says this day is special because of you. I’m pretty sure, like myself, you can’t celebrate your kids enough.IT doesn’t have to be limited to birthdays ( though Bella and Gabipalooza; week long birthday celebration sure is a lot of fun) how about a good grade, s special accomplishment, a first recital, being a good example, taking the lead, etc. Celebrate the big and the little accomplishments of your children. It is positive reinforcement and it makes them feel special; that is always good!
    So, find something to celebrate. For example; first time kindergartner who finally goes to class by themselves. Why not great them with a special cupcake to celebrate their bravery. ( Hey, first time Kindergartner Mommy..no tears….celebrate by giving yourself a little something special for being brave and letting go …a little bit!) Happy MOtheirng!
    Let me know what you found to celebrate!

  • Zoloft Does Everything

    This makes me stop because it is so off the cuff. I’m pretty positive a man came up with this campaign. I wish that Zoloft did have that effect on me, particularly on days like today. Nope, I was put on Zoloft for a few weeks before my wedding by my GP to “take the edge off” because I was so stressed. It backfired, I was a raging super bitch who never slept. So, Zoloft pretty much made me stay up and be a bitch for even more hours of the day! Now, that would be a slogan! Maybe Valium would be a better fit for Bitch control? Maybe even wine? Maybe an orgasm? Zoloft may work to make you less of a depressed bitch but not cure bitchiness outright.
    The more I look at this seemingly innocuous piece of “art” , the more it is offending me. The whole thing screams “Here, take a pill and stop being such a nagging bitch! Please go be a zombie in the corner and leave me alone”. Hmmm? I wonder if they have a version of this for kids? Oh yeah, that would probably be the Ritalin that the pediatricians are prescribing children at the behest of their teachers and parents who don’t want to be bothered by actual living children.  My next question; If we ladies get Zoloft, the kids get Ritalin, what do the men get? I’m just saying. Something to think about.

  • Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 9 – Find your triggers

    Our last Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 5 to 8 – Take a break from your kids
    was a hard one for me to execute. Not because of lack of want but because of my limited opportunity. The big guy is only here to help on weekends. But yesterday, the big guy took the girls to a movie for a couple of hours. I had to work ( I work online) but it was a  break from the kids. There were no little girls screaming in the background as I was trying to do my job online, which was amazing. It’s been so long since I’ve had the scenario that I almost forgot that it existed and what a difference it actually makes. It was only a couple hours and I was tethered to my computer the entire time ( but lets face it, I would have been tethered to my Mac whether I had to for work or some other reason blogging.) The girls came home and I had missed them, was glad to see them and it had given me enough time to decompress and remove myself from the chaos and recharge. It was amazing and I am going to try and do this at least once a week. I need it. I deserve it. How did it work for you? What do you do for a mental break from your children?
    Today’s  Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 9 – Find your triggers. 
    The ability to figure out what sends you off the deep end and into the abyss of parenting madness is the first step in keeping those outbursts to a minimum. For example, I know a few of my trigger right off the bat; lack of sleep= grouchy, impatient Mommy
    anxiety and loads on my mind= makes me snippy and less tolerant
    fear  & trepidation= me being angry
    Hungry Mommy = Crazy Mommy
    I know there are more and I will be taking note today. Take note of your triggers. If we can figure out the triggers, we can change our reaction and react with appropriate actions not off the handle craziness. Happy Mothering.

  • Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 11 – You’re not perfect, and that’s okay

    Yesterday’s Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 10 – Be the fun one was a total blast and I took full advantage. We went shopping, hung out at the mall, played at the park, went to out to their favorite joint  for breakfast, watched a kiddie movie on the big screen, and there may or may not be some ice cream cones in their very near future. We all had a great time having fun. I realized that sometimes just by not having to be the “enforcer” it really makes a big difference. I feel like I had a mini break from my kids yesterday because I go to be in the moment and enjoy them! How did it go for you Ladies? I think I should be the fun one at least once a week. It’s good for all of us.

    Today’s Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 11 – You’re not perfect, and that’s okay
    is pretty self explanatory. We are Mommies, we try our best to do our best for our kids but we are only human. So cut yourself some slack. Take a deep, deep breath, exhale. Repeat after me…I am a good Mommy! I love my children. I’m having a bad day. I’m human. Accept it and get past it. We’ve all had our days when our children has sent us into what can only be described accurately as lunatic land. I, myself, have been known no ferociously roar..I mean ground shaking roar. I realize almost immediately that I have crossed the line. But what can I do at that point? So, I feel guilty. In fact, I am completely consumed with guilt when I lose it.  Guilt is a totally useless emotion…at least for the person feeling it. I am not going to sulk and feel guilty anymore. I am going to try my best to be a grown up and keep my perspective. I know its easier said than done. I will try not to lose it but if/when I do, I will simply apologize. Let my children know that I am human and I make mistakes, but I am sorry for overreacting. I will allow them to verbalize and express their feelings and then I will forgive myself. I will get over it and move on. That is my plan.Let me know how you accept that you are not perfect.

  • Truthful/Tell all Tuesdays

    Ok, Ladies its Tuesday and ,as I said, today is the day we can all vent “anonymously” if preferred, and get everything off our minds..without judgement:)I will start the ball rolling:
    Is it wrong that sometimes I wish I was brave enough to dose my kids with ibuprofin, so they would go to sleep at a reasonable hour without me having to lay down with them?
    Sometimes, I really miss my life before I was married or had kids, so much so that I fantasize about who I used to be:)LOL
    OK, Ladies those are my two for today. Please share yours in the comment section. Come one! Come all! Don’t be shy, no one will judge you here. No one thinking how you are not up to par or dropped the ball in Mommyland.Just pure support and sisterhood!

  • Don’t underestimate the power of a good friend!

    I sometimes forget how important it is to have friends. I get so wrapped up in my own mind, with my day to day activities and errands, children, husband, that I completely become oblivious to the things that I need, as me, the person. There is so little time left for that part of me that I forget what makes her tick, her wants and needs. A long time ago, before husband and kids, when I was just “Me”, I used to have a plethora of friends. I was every ones friend and everyone was my friend. I don’t mean those superficial acquaintances that we let pass for friendship , as we get older, but honest to goodness, tell all your business to friends. Now, they are pretty far and few between and damn near impossible to make a true friendship.First of all because who has the time and energy to get above a dull murmur of attention to first finding and then investing in a real friendship.I mean once you are an adult with all these other responsibilities, who has time to form friendships, real ones? Secondly, now its not just you. You have to like them, the kids have to get along, and almost impossible, the husbands have to like each other and not annoy the hell out of the potential friend. So, we are looking at what , a 1 in a million chance?So, definitely near the impossibility level. So, we must cherish the friends we have who knew us when we were us, before we became who we are:)We also must be open to new friendships, no matter how impossible they may seem. Sometimes friendships find us, when we least expect them. I still have my friends from when I was “Me” but we have either grown up, grown apart, moved apart or moved on.Some of the friendships have grown together and evolved into deeper more meaningful friendships and some have devolved or disappeared completely. But every once in awhile, someone comes along and they feel like a forever friend and those are the ones who usually end up in it for the long haul.I have a friend that I met in college and we have been through holding each others hair in college and going to frat parties, being in each others weddings, pregnancies, children, jobs.A hundred years could pass and we always can pick right back up where we left off. That is true friendship. To find that in adulthood, is amazing. When you find a friend, a real ,honest to goodness friend, who you can talk with, laugh with, and most importantly be yourself and not feel like you are being judged or on an interview;nurture those friendships, put your heart and the time into them.They will grow like a garden if you give them the attention they deserve and you will be happier having done so. As adults, we let a lot of the luxuries of life disappear because we feel like we have to give all of ourselves to our families and careers. But if we don’t keep something for ourselves, really what do we have to give them? So, don’t underestimate the power of a good friend. Sometimes they can be your lifeline back to the real “you”.

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