The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Weekend update, a complication & a few challenges
As many of you have probably noticed, I have been MIA since last Thursday. I will start there. My Mother went into the hospital for a simple outpatient procedure on Thursday morning.After the almost 6 hour surgery was done ( yeah, I don’t know how that qualifies as outpatient but whatever),my sister calls me with an update that there has been a complication. A COMPLICATION? Not words that I ever want to hear in conjunction with anything to do with any of my loved ones, least of all the person who gave birth to me. A simple procedure turned into a rare complication that left my Mom with blood pooled around her heart. It was very scary for all of us, and I can’t imagine what my poor Mother went through waking from her surgery only to find that she could not breathe and felt as if she were going to die. It was an emergency and my own Mommy instincts kicked in and I immediately packed a small bag,called my husband to meet us, grabbed my girls, jumped in the car and headed home to Chicago to take care of my Mom. I’ve told you all before (on multiple occasions) that I am a complete control freak. Well, that means I can’t wait for someone else to call with updates. I had to go to my Mom to know that everything that could be done to get her well , was actually being done. My sisters and brothers who were closer were there but , maybe it has something to do with being the oldest, I had to be there. I got there that night and she was feeling pretty weak and helpless. They were giving her blood and loads of pain meds, she had a chest tube to drain the blood and a catheter sticking in her neck ,it was pretty gruesome to look at but all I cared about was her getting well. I could tell she was frightened when I walked in. So, I pulled my Mommy face on and I set out to make sure that I knew exactly what was going on, that she was comfortable and in capable hands and then I went to trying to make her smile ( which is exactly what she would have done for me). The first thing I said when I saw her, ” Mom, is there anything you won’t do to get me to come visit?” She chuckled and I felt better knowing that she could smile under the circumstances. She ended up in the hospital for a couple more days. I am happy to report she is home now and resting comfortably. I just wanted to thank all of you who had expressed concern. I just could not get to a computer under the circumstances; my mind was obviously on other things.
Next, when I returned and finally had a chance to read some of my comments I came across this gem from Robin @ Your Daily Dose and it made me smile. On a weekend when I was so exhausted and spent from the emotional roller coaster of the previous days that I thought a smile was impossible, this video she tagged me in for her Here’s to you Thursday post did. She says it reminds her of me / my blog. What are your thoughts?
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If you could have plastic surgery, would you? If so, what would you get done?
Yes, return my boobies to their original place of origin, some botox, maybe some ass implants, tummy tuck, lipo on my hips and butt:)
What laws have you broken?
Aren’t they only technically broken if you were caught? So following that logic, I will admit to speeding & maybe a little reckless driving.
What is your quirkiest habit?
I hate even numbers ( so I do shit in odd quantities but at the same time I crave equality..its gets dicey sometimes), I refuse to drink out of Styrofoam cups ( the sound and feel of my teeth touching it wigs my the hell out), eat baby corn ( Because it creeps me out) and last but not least I count the letters in words as people are speaking when I am anxious ( don’t laugh, I’ve talked to my doctor about it. Its an anxiety coping mechanism and its not uncommon).
If you only had 3 songs to listen to for the rest of your life what would they be?
This requires too much thought @ midnight but I will try…
Sweet Surrender by Sarah Mclachlin because it reminds me of my husband
Ottoman by Vampire Weekend because it makes me happy
Pretty Much anything that Keane has ever sung. I used to sing them to both my girls in utero and to rock them as newborns and that always makes me happy when I hear it.
and finally…
How often do you have sex?
Well considering that I only get to see my gorgeous husband 3 days a week, it ranges from 1 to 3 times a week:)
Now to catch up on my Be a Better Parent Challenges . I will catch us up by listing challenge 13-15.
Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 13 – The dreaded “in a minute”
I know we’ve all got some form of this – either it’s “in a second” or “give me a minute” or some variation of the above, but it’s basically translated in little brains as “Never” “Mommy won’t keep this promise” or ” I say in a minute but this probably won’t happen”. It’s a bad habit and its sending my kids the wrong messages; that they are unimportant and Mommy doesn’t keep her promises.
- In five minutes (and set the timer) which is one more reason that I love my iPhone I can set the alarm. I’ve done it when its time to come in from play so now I can use it when Mommy has to be done with her “thing”.
- When the show is over ( basically when whatever I am doing is done within a reasonable time frame).
- When I’m off the phone ( why do they always insist on talking to me about nothing when I am on the phone? Seriously, is it in the kids handbook?)
This is a challenging one, but it’s made much easier when you give your kids an actual MEASURABLE TIME. And then, the hard part, sticking to it.

Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 14 – Catch them being good
I love this challenge because I know from experience that this really does work for me and it works wonders for my daughters’ self confidence. Now, it’s super easy to compliment your child when they do something awesome, but it’s a little harder to remember to catch the smaller things – things that you might not generally notice but could really do with some positive reinforcement so that THEY KEEP DOING THEM!
That means everything from playing nicely with a sibling, responding to you after only one request – the simple things.The sorts of behaviors, actions, and reactions that often times go unnoticed because they are, in our grown up minds, small. However, they are not small in the long run and may actually be a big feat for a teething toddler to master.
For example; “I love how you’re sharing your dolls with your sister.” or “I really appreciate that you picked up your socks the first time I asked you.Thank you”
It’s way more effective than telling them “no” or “don’t do that” all the time.Plus, I get pretty tired of always sounding negative.I don’t want my kids to think they are bad kids because they are always being reprimanded.
There will still be plenty of times where you’ll be doing that – don’t get me wrong, but catching them being good is a fabulous way to get them headed in the right direction
(your direction). Try it! – and tell me how it went tomorrow!
Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 15 – Start a tradition
I know it may seem odd to just create a tradition for today, but the least you can do is start thinking about it. And by tradition, I mean some sort of weekly family ritual that you do every week – something that your kids can count on, look forward to, and something that’s uniquely yours (and theirs).Something they can look back on fondly and pass on to their own children.
I suppose an easy and common one is the big Sunday breakfast – whether it’s going out to eat after mass or making a big Sunday brunch at home.
Maybe it’s a weekly game night or make your own pizza night where the kids gets to pick the toppings they eat for their own pizza and top it. Perhaps it’s ice cream on Saturdays or a Thursday night dance party where you dress up and blast the music in your living room.We tend to like to have Slumber parties on Friday nights ( we do Manis and pedis , crazy PJ’s, and popcorn) or Saturday night Rock band marathons.
You may even already do this, and if you do, please share. And if you don’t, now is a great time to come up with one. I figure a part of better parenting is creating fun, positive memories for our kids, and something like this will do just the trick.Can’t wait to hear all of your new traditions fro your families.
And I almost forgot
Giveaway for the Get Moving; Family Fitness game for the Wii
it ends this week and there are NO entries! So, right now its pretty easy to win. Come one… it’s a lot of fun. You know you want to.
One more thing…
Since I always tell you when my kids are acting crazy.I absolutely must share how they pepper the chaos with moments of sublime awesomeness.Yesterday, I was talking with my Bella, “You are so beautiful! Where do you get your good looks from? Your Mama?”
Obviously , I was teasing her about getting them from me. For Christs sake , my kid is a model and I am not, enough said. But this was her answer, and probably one of the many reasons that she has a special little place in my heart today..
Bella: “No…my Mommy is WAY cuter!”
Is this kid not the most precious thing ever? Just like the moment she was born, I am wrapped tightly right around her and Gabs’ tiny little fingers and (Shhhh) there is no where else I’d rather be tonight.
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2010/08/16
Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 4 – Get down on their level
OK, yesterday’s Be a better parent challenge was No More “Good Job”. It was a great challenge and one that I will be more mindful of in the future. I have been working in education and with children for a long time now and I know this challenge is true. In fact, I used to be really good at coming up with new ingenious ways of saying “Good Job” but apparently with my own kids, I’ve become lazy. Yesterday instead of saying “Good Job”, I was a little more specific. For example:
“Awesome listening skills”, “I love the way you arranged your doll house. It looks amazing!” “Way to go, that bed looks like a professional did it!” “I love the way you helped your sister find her shoes!”
Just a few spins I put on it. I think it went pretty well. How did you do?
Today’s Be a Better Parent Challenge ; Get Down on their Level . This is another fabulous idea. What is meant by get down on their level is pretty much what it sounds like.When you are speaking with your child, bend down, take a knee. You’ll establish eye contact and know they heard what you said. Kristen says that she asks for a “Yes, Mommy.” as an acknowledgment that they actually heard and understood what was said. I , personally, have been requesting a ,”Yes, Ma’am” only because I want these girls to learn respect for their elders at a young age, plus they know I am serious. She also makes the point that talking to someone’s head is not the smartest thing to do. I agree. It’s pretty much like talking to someone’s back. Who knows if the person you are talking to hears anything you say? Plus, how can you hold a child accountable for their actions if you are not even sure if they heard your instructions? So, today, I start bending down and taking a knee. No more talking to the tops of beautiful little heads. Eye contact , Mommies. It also shows respect for the person we are talking to. I mean if another adult didn’t make contact when talking to us we’d have a conniption fit. Let’s give it a try. I can’t wait. My girls will love it.
I think these challenges make perfect sense to us Mommies, we are just always so busy we never have the time to actually think about utilizing them. I think I might print the challenge out and share it with all my Mommy friends.Let me know how your challenge is going! Happy Mothering!
2010/08/04
How to Keep Your Children Safe Online from Toddler to Teen
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
Children and teens love being online. The older they get, the more they love it. Whether it’s watching videos on YouTube, playing Fortnite or interacting with friends from school on SnapChat and Instagram, our kids spend a lot of time online. The thing is, do we really know who they’re hanging out within the online world? We can’t even be sure that we know who we’re dealing with in this world of online personas and filters. Is anyone who they seem to be? I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to keep my children safe online from the toddler age through to their teens.
Maybe it would be easier if our kids were just playing outside. But that’s not the real world. It’s only part of it and our kids need to learn how to navigate safely through the digital world. It’s not like when we were kids. There’s a whole online world connecting our children to people all over the world. All the hoping and wishing is not going to unring that bell.
READ ALSO: Online Persona who’s real and who isn’t? How to know the difference.
There may be those that argue that digital technology makes children unhealthy from the lack of fresh air and physical activity. People will tell you that this generation of kids will be awkward and develop poor social skills but I think that’s an alarmist attitude. Our children need to have their bearings in both worlds because currently, the future is living in one and experiencing life in the other.
There are solid arguments in defense of having exposure to technology from a young age. Many games involve complex problems that need solving. Schools use online classrooms and apps to teach our kids. These same games can improve hand-eye coordination and children learn very quickly how to use technology in great depth, in a very natural and intuitive way.
A bigger concern though is how safe our children are online. With access to so much, often unrestricted content, how do we know that our children are not going to come into contact with things that they’re not old enough to deal with? We have parental controls on our daughters’ computers and phones. They are only allowed the apps we give them permission to use and we check often. But even the most vigilant parent can’t be everywhere all the time. We need to teach our children, from an early age, how to be safe and smart online.
READ ALSO: How to keep your family safe online
The other aspect of this is also a concern over who they might come into contact with. There is always a worry with social media or games that have chat functions, that children may come into contact with strangers who prey on the young. My biggest fear is a pedophile posing as another child, gaining my daughters’ trust and violating them in some way.
So how do we deal with this challenge? Nobody wants to cut their children off entirely from enjoying something they love, and with technology being a bigger and bigger part of our lives, the children of today will have even more of a relationship with technology. As parents, we have to keep them informed, tech-savvy and safe by doing a few simple things.
Take An Interest In What Your Child Is Doing Online
Make online activities a family experience where you can. Get involved with their gaming, and spend time understanding what they’re doing when they are online. My girls only game online when their dad is playing with them. Keeping a healthy, positive interest will mean that your children will be less likely to hide activity from you. If you know the games, they’re playing, and the sites that they’re visiting, you’ll have a better idea of what any specific risks are. This will help you put things in place to minimize these risks.
Teach your children about passwords by sitting with them when they sign up to their first sites. Make sure they learn early on how important passwords are, and that they should use different passwords on different websites and use a healthy mix of letters (upper and lowercase), numbers and special characters.
Having Straight, Honest Conversations
Be honest with your children about the dangers of strangers online, and the kind of content on there, but try not to scare them too much. They do have to live and work online. Encourage them to be cautious. Encourage your children to talk to you about anything that they see so that if something ever happens, they go to you immediately.
Parental Controls
Make sure you know how to access any master parental controls from your home router, as well on every device your children might have access to. This is so important. Find out about the best apps and devices for monitoring your kids safe online activity. Make sure that these are installed and working.
“Friend” Your Children
If your children are using social media, befriend or follow them online. Your children need to learn that anything they post online has the potential to be viewed by anyone and that once it’s posted, even if it gets deleted, it could come back and cause them damage. I taught my girls from the beginning to not post anything that they wouldn’t want their grandpa seeing. I’ve also shown them how screenshot works and the reality that nothing is temporary on the internet. The Internet is forever.
These are just a few tips for keeping your children safe online. What’s your best tip?
2019/07/08
My Honeymoon & Wedding Day Mishaps Made Marriage Seem Easy

Happiness is….
Remember your honeymoon?
My wedding and honeymoon were 15 years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. I’ve been helping my baby sister plan her wedding and I won’t lie it’s been taking me back to my own wedding and honeymoon. Weddings and honeymoons are all about new beginnings and starting your life and for us, a new beginning couldn’t have happened without a series of unfortunate events preceding it. Into every life a little rain must fall, of course, for me it was more like a monsoon wedding. It’s funny how when you look back you only ever remember the good parts of your wedding day.
Our mishaps began the night before the wedding; it started with a rehearsal dinner that ended up at a local club, which ended with a giant blowout between a couple in our wedding. Long story short, I spent the entire night before my wedding driving my bridesmaid around the city looking for her husband, a groomsman.
I got home around 5 am. My alarm for the biggest day of my life went off at 8 am; I woke in a hurried rush, grabbed my baby sister and the luggage under my eyes and barely made it across town to my 8:30 a.m. hair and nail appointment. Then the day just got crazier; lost bridesmaids, missing flower girl, a dad who wouldn’t take off his sunglasses, exes at the church and a bride who hadn’t eaten in 3 days and was having a full on panic attack but through it all, one thing was for certain, I knew the Big Guy was waiting for me at the end of that aisle and I couldn’t wait to be there…with him.
Father wears sunglasses in church because he’s too cool to cry in public.
At one point at the rectory, when I should have been sipping on champagne and being fawned over, I instead was struggling to find my way into my huge Cinderella-esqe dress on my own and had a mom on each butt cheek fastening my garters to my thigh highs. Talk about getting close with your mother-in-law. That was a bond sealing moment to say the very least.
Finally, I made it down the aisle but not before my ring bearer had a complete meltdown and wouldn’t walk down the aisle. 3-year-olds, what are you going to do? At that point, I was so nervous that I jumped the gun and nearly ran down the aisle into the Big Guy’s arms before my music even started playing. Just an FYI, if you ever find yourself in that situation, the organist, flutist, violinist and musician will all change their tune (quite literally) to keep up with the bride. I am sure it was amusing as an attendee.
3-year-olds are the best!
Once down the aisle, not once but three times did I almost take out the priest and entire front row of the church with my enormous gown. Think, Godzilla with a 10-foot train, in a China shop made of delicate Catholic souls. Thankfully, the presiding priest had a very in tact sense of humor and offered at one point to shear off the back of the dress to prevent any harm being done to women and small children. Thankfully, no one was hurt in the making of this wedding or honeymoon.
The groom looks debonair. The bride looks like maybe she needs to go peepee.
Of course, a bride who hasn’t eaten in 3 days, had a near miss with a panic attack and ran down the aisle as if she were Cinderella about to turn back into a pumpkin probably should not have been given celebratory cocktails. From what I remember of the evening, there was a trolley ride for the entire bridal party that included alcohol on an empty stomach, then there was an arrival to Star Wars Music (it was my one compromise) and then a bouquet thrown before anyone had a chance to take a photo (waiting is not my strong suit) and the combining of champagne glasses. Let no man put asunder what a bride has combined into champagne flutes.
No sleep, no problem. Bride takes quick nap on way to reception.

I vaguely remember it taking 4 bridesmaids to assist me in the peeing process ( 2 to hold each side of my ball gown wedding dress, one to hold my hands and balance me as I hovered over the toilet and one to pull my panties down and dab) and something about a 10 foot train that kept coming unbustled. Boy, do I have some good friends. Then it gets blurry.
Wind blown, no food and keeping it classy with a can of beer. Ain’t love grand?
Next thing I remember was leaving our reception to find our SUV saran wrapped covered in condoms, rice and Vaseline. We were in our early 20’s and apparently our friends were infantile. We had to cut our way in and then make a quick stop at a car wash before heading to our honeymoon suite at the hotel downtown. I remember doing the peepee dance in my stark white wedding dress, in front of our SUV and it’s fuzzy but it seems there was some hanging on to the bumper and trying to balance myself enough to pee while my brand spanking new husband help up 50 pounds of satin and tulle. Champagne goes right through you.
Next stop, the fancy downtown hotel. By this time, I am barefoot and running around the hotel lobby in search of a restroom large enough to accommodate my dress looking and behaving anything but fancy. My bridegroom rushed to check in before I ended up on the evening news.
Bustle broken, bride busted; time to hit the potty! NOT 1987…1999 & we partied like it was. I was scaring small children with this monstrosity of a dress.
We got up to the honeymoon suite to find more champagne and a basket full of wedding night sexiness but all I could do was the peepee dance and order my husband to get me out of the dress as quickly as possible so that I could pee in peace. Finally, I got to pee and then I promptly passed out leaving my husband to drink champagne and feed himself chocolate covered strawberries.
The next morning, I awoke to discover my wedding dress and trousseau on the floor and my overnight bag and shoes curiously missing apparently in the hurry and chaos, no one remembered to pack MY (the bride) overnight bag. There was no way that I was putting that dress back on, so I wore my husband’s (who is 6’5″ while I am a mere 5’7″) tuxedo back to my in laws house where we were opening gifts in front of friends and family before departing on our official honeymoon. I looked like the kid in Big when he changed back to a kid. It was embarrassing and ridiculous but that night we had a honeymoon reboot and it’s been awesome ever since. The rest of the honeymoon and the marriage have been easy compared to the wedding.
I guess it could have been worse; I could have gotten a UTI on our honeymoon. Yikes, that would really put a damper on romance; not exactly the type of “burning love” that I was looking forward to on my honeymoon! We know that having a lot of sex in a short period of time without letting your body recoup can cause irritation, which in turn can make it easier for you to get a UTI. Also, certain positions such as woman on top cowboy or reverse cowboy can increase the risk of contracting a UTI. Isn’t lots of sex in various positions in a short period of time the exact definition of a honeymoon?
Luckily, there is Cystex PLUS Urinary Pain Relief Tablets, an OTC UTI medication with an antibacterial agent that helps to contain the progression of infection, as well as help reduce the pain and burning sensation with an analgesic while you wait to see your physician. For recurrent UTIs, Cystex Liquid Cranberry Complex is a great-tasting, drug-free, daily supplement that is clinically proven to promote urinary health with its convenient Proantinox cranberry formula containing vitamin C!
Enter the Cystex® Romantic Night In Giveaway hosted on www.facebook.com/Cystex for three winners to have a chance to win a gourmet dinner for two delivered to your door with a gift certificate from GourmetStation.com, a $150 gift card to Victoria Secret to create more honeymoon moments and a box of Cystex® PLUS Urinary Pain Relief Tablets and Cystex® Liquid Cranberry Complex. Entry period for the Cystex® Romantic Night In Giveaway will occur from 7/24/2014-8/21/2014.
For more information about Cystex® and to learn more about burning love visit www.cystex.com
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Cystex®. The opinions and text are all mine.
2014/08/11
Co-Sleeping is Not for Sissies
Did you know that co-sleeping was a lifetime sleeping choice? If you are a new parent or parent-to-be thinking of co-sleeping, STOP, collaborate and most importantly, listen!!
Sure, that pink, squishy-faced, little newborn is irresistible. You can’t say no and you just don’t want to miss a giggle, sigh or breath and especially not a cuddle so co-sleeping seems the perfect solution. Be warned those beauties grow into toddlers and then into kids and eventually into tweens.
It’s bad enough we can never pee alone. If you ever want to sleep alone in your bed with your husband again and not end up permanently sleeping in separate rooms, then just say no. Hell, be inhumane and let them cry it out. That is, unless you want them to sleep with you forever. At this point, I’m afraid they’ll be trading in my bed for their husband’s in 20 years. Hey my kid’s have done crazier things. Meanwhile, we’re having to sneak around like teens just to have sex.
Is Co-sleeping really a lifetime commitment?
Because that part wasn’t in any book I read. I thought co-sleeping was temporary, transitional, like lovies and binkies and night lights. Nobody told me that I was committing to it forever and if I tried to stop it was a direct afront to the very bond we had forged as parent and child. Did you know if you tell a 7-year-old that she can’t co-sleep with you, it’s the same as saying you don’t love her? According to her it is!
Believe me, I used to be the biggest co-sleeping advocate around. I guess, deep down, I still am but recently, my 7-year-old has decided that every night around 1 a.m. she “needs” to sleep with me. She climbs in bed, cuddles up to me like a little monkey and then the thrashing and kicking begins.
Oh wait, maybe I’m just bitter because my 7 and 10-year-old fought non-stop for 2 hours last night over who will be “sleeping with mommy” with absolutely no consideration for the Bug Guy. He has been reduced to a bedtime gypsy, an exhausted shell of a man who sleeps among the butterflies and unicorns in a sea of pink. He’s the lucky one.
If you think a toddler hurts when they kick you in the nose or headbutt you with a rogue noggin, can you imagine a tween with feet as big as your own feels like? It hurts. A LOT! Don’t get me wrong; I love the middle of the night cuddles and sweet little girl’s gangly arms wrapped around me first thing in the morning. But when do I ever just get a moment to sit in peaceful quiet? These apron strings are choking me out.
I adore butterfly kisses and the sweet sound of a little voice whispering sweet nothings in my ear. But sometimes, a mom just needs some sleep; uncompromised, more than 7 inches of the bed, straight through the night, no waking and no blows to the head sleep. You know what I mean?
Last night, I woke up in a cold sweat and I swear I heard them chanting from beside me, “Hell no! We won’t go!” Then I realized I was still dreaming. Then I awoke and I swore I heard them chanting from their room, “Co-Sleepers for LIFE!” But when I ran to check on them, they were sound asleep, wrapped around one another like pythons. Adorable.
Why must the price of cuddling with your baby, co-sleeping, be a lifetime sentence of never sleeping alone or in peace ever again? You know I think I’m going to start doing some research (necessity is the mother of al invention and all that jazz) and write a book….how to stop co-sleeping because I think that needs to be disclosed.Stay tuned!
What’s your stance on co-sleeping, love it or hate it?
2015/03/12
Breaking up is hard to do
Breaking Up is hard to do~ We’ve all been there. That’s moment in a relationship when you know its not going anywhere, and its certainly not moving forward, that’s the moment that you know its over. Your challenge is to decide whether to let it die a slow painful death or to end it quickly, and just pull it off like a band aid on a hairy arm and pray for not too much collateral damage. After the breakup, you might even need some coping tactics, such as a breakup recovery course, just to revitalize yourself. We expect these situations when we are dating but not when we are play dating. But alas, it happens, and more often than not, I suspect.
It starts off innocent enough, you have a friend whom you know, however well, and one, or both of you, has the brilliant idea to form a sorority of friendship held together by the glue that is our children. Then one, or both of you, decides to enlist other friends or acquaintances into said group because, after all, the bigger the better. A seemingly perfect scenario of coffee amongst the pitter patter of little feet, quickly evolves into headaches amongst screaming children, at the very least. There you are with a group of strangers, that you may or may not have anything in common with, vying for one anther’s attention. People start to clique off but amongst it all there is an eerie façade of equal friendship. That “OMG, we are all so great. I love you all so much” bullshit that you keep spoon feeding one another because you are afraid if you are human and don’t love every single one of them, or at least pretend to do so, you will be known for the truly horrible bitch that you really are. It’s frigging high school with babies. Now, there are a lot of benefits to joining these groups for example; you meet women who are , at the very least, in the exact same situation as you are, as far as having children and raising them ( most times that is where the similarities end. It is sorta like lobbying to your family why you are dating a certain gentleman with the only weapon in your arsenal being that he is a human being. Not much of an argument after all).
Joining play date groups gives you an opportunity to get advice, share war stories, feel safe, get guidance in where to go and what to do with your lovely, beautiful fruit of your loins. It sounds fantastic doesn’t it? It also gives us a place to be judged at every choice we make concerning our children, its like inviting other women into your life and licensing them to insult you, not only with their words but with their thoughts and actions. After all, they are Super Moms and you are a mere human so if you don’t see it their way and have no remorse about your imperfection, well then , you deserved to be damned to hell. How could every single woman in the world not want this peace, loving ,warm ,frigging, fuzzy feeling? Have we been idiots up until now and where would we be? How would we function without the great invention of play dates?
We’d be happy and a lot less insecure and probably less judgmental and a little more caring and fulfilled. I love my “play date moms”, that’s what we refer to one another as because God, knows we seldom evolve past that point. If you can maintain superficial friendships, and hang out with women that you have nothing in common with ( other than both having children), and this doesn’t bother you…then play dates are the place for you. I have made a couple of truly remarkable friends amongst my “Play date Moms”. Real, honest to goodness friends who I would like whether they had children or not. It just helps that they have kids because that way we have one more thing in common( partial sanity) and we are in a similar place in our lives, which is always beneficial to a friendship . The other way around being friends only because you both have kids, is sorta like being friends because you both have brown hair or teeth. It’s ridiculous.
My experience has been not unlike that of my experience with my boyfriend at 15, somebody is crazy for somebody and someone else doesn’t care. You both start out in a relationship all excited about this journey and then about 15 minutes in , you realize that you are truly up a creek without a paddle; only it feels more like you’re in the ocean. One person wants to spend every waking moment together, infiltrating every single facet of your life and the other is running for their life in the opposite direction. It’s like there is no in between, there is no common ground so there is only one thing left to do, break up.
The word is so dreaded; all the connotations are negative. There is nothing positive about breaking up. It is admitting failure and you know how us women are, we hate that. So, we try to force them to break up with us, after all, we know we want out so they are not really ending it; we are, they just don’t know it. Seldom does that work. We try avoiding them, not returning phone calls, emails, we even simply just don’t show up. But it doesn’t work. You know why? Because she won’t give up either, she doesn’t want to admit failure that she couldn’t make this relationship work. It is a vicious cycle. The children are being drug all over town, why Mommies smile their Vaseline smiles with absolutely no sincere feelings , at all, behind them. Rooms are filled with the buzzing of absolutely nothing of importance being said, mixed with the latest gossip of those who had the misfortune of not attending and it is all thinly veiled as concern. Pish Posh , I say. Finally, some one’s got to be the adult and put an end to this madness. In your most grown up, unbiased, level headedness, you excuse yourself from the group. You simply inform them that though they are wonderful, (they are not for you:) something has come up and it is better to remove yourself from the play date roster. In the end, you are still going out revealed as the ” the truly horrible bitch that you are.” That which you tried to avoid from the get go. So, you see breaking up is sometimes almost impossible to do, even with the best intentions. Who knew breaking up with a group of ladies was going to be harder than breaking up with an obsessed 15 year old boy?
2009/05/27
Hot Damn!Mama Got some New Brian James Shoes & I’m Giving Away a Pair
Shoes! God, do I love shoes and I am not just saying that because I’ve partnered with Brian James Footwear to check out their summer line. No matter how fat or skinny you are, your shoes (usually) always fit. I love that about shoes, they don’t betray you like a pair of bitchy jeans. Shoes and bags are by far the most forgiving of the clothing and accessories.
As I’ve gotten older (and wiser) I’ve realized that I don’t mind paying a little more for quality. I almost die of shame every time I think of the unlined dresses, see-thru tops and tight Gap jeans that I lived in in my 20’s and the shoes? I lived in Wild Pair platforms and Payless trendy boots. Thank God when you’re in your twenties you are pretty and too naïve to know how terribly skewed your fashion sense is.
Older and wiser, more money and a bigger caboose have made me realize that you get what you pay for and if you buy cheap, expect cheap. I used to shop BOGO sales like my life depended on it. I also owned 150 pairs of shoes one summer. These days, I prefer to spend $100 on a pair of nice shoes that fit well and don’t make me feel like I want to punch myself in the face.
This is why I adore Brain James Footwear. They are made by the same people who make PediPeds for your children and they are so comfortable but with a grown up fashion sense for the most discriminating taste.
I tried the Gabrielle in noir and the Monique in Black and Snakeskin. They are cute, chic and comfortable which is great news for this mama’s feet.
The Gabrielle Noir by Brian James
3.5 inch stacked wedge with a contemporary feel. This sandal wedge is styled with stone embellishments and unique cutouts, along with a Velcro closure for adjustability and raw edges for buttery comfort. Perfect for summer date nights with a cute little dress.
– Available in Noir and Taupe Kid Suede
– Features a cushioned footbed
– Velcro closure for adjustability
– Leather lining
– 3.5 inch stacked wedge
– Includes dust bag

The Monique in Black and snakeskin by Brian James Footwear
Minimally sleek. We reincarnated the classic ankle strap style with tonal color block and snake embossed leather. Silky cow leather, cushioned footbed and flexible rubber outsole create a lux feel without the fuss. I rock these everywhere and they are awesome because they work with capris, shorts or dresses. They are very versatile.
– Available in Nude, Noir & Noir, Snake
– Features silky, sheep leather & cushioned footbed
– Leather lining
– Velcro ankle strap for adjustability
– Includes dust bag
These are both perfect for this summer and into the fall, depending on where you live. Also, there are lots of great styles for this fall at Brian James. I’ve been a huge fan of this brand since my first pair. They are stylish, comfortable, well-made and super cute and who doesn’t love cute shoes? Speaking of cute shoes, Brian James is letting me give away one pair of shoes to a reader. To enter, simply go to the Brian James website and leave me a comment HERE telling me what your favorite pair is. I will randomly select a winner a week from today. Contest ends August 12 at midnight! Good luck.
So, what is your favorite pair of shoes from Brain James footwear?
2014/08/05
Mom Myth #1 Exposed
Mom Myth that we all want to Believe
Mom Myth #1 ~ My Kids are perfect. No they are not. None of our children are perfect. It is a mom myth.You know some bullshit that other mothers perpetuate so that we are not on to them and know that they are struggling with this mothering gig just as mush as the rest of us. They are. Just pay attention; if you look hard enough, there is spit up on her Kate Spade blouse ( why else do you think she is wearing that crazy print?), she may not be wearing yoga pants but look closely, there is spandex in them there jeans or they may even be designer maternity. Sure that loose falling pony is the sexy in thing, but hers was not on purpose the baby was pulling on it this morning and those stunna shades..OMG, that is the universal code for Mommy didn’t get any sleep last night. Of course, we all want to appear to have all of our Mommy shit together. That is why these mom myths exist at all. We think by pretending that our kids are perfect, that makes us perfect mothers. Logically, if they are winners, we are not losers. There is no such thing as a perfect mother and if there is, that bitch is riding a unicorn high as a kite in a tornado.
We need a support group to support one another, not a panel of Judgy McTired Mamas to point out all of our flaws while desperately trying to hide her own. Let’s call it the We’re not perfect, just human’s doing our best club. Who wants to be the newest member? I am the founder and president.
I’ll go first, My name is Debi and my kids are not perfect, that’s a mom myth and I rebuke it.
I am an official Mom Myth buster.
There is an invisible hump located somewhere between the ages of 5 and 7 and the divide is great. As many of you are aware, I have two wonderful little girls, Bella, who is 7 and Gabi, who is 5. They are wonderful, amazing and bright and all that other rainbows and sunshine shit that parents are supposed to say about their children but lately they are becoming increasingly more and more of a pain in my ass. I believe they are wonderful and beautiful because they are mine and I see all they do through Mommy goggles but I also get the privilege and the only right to know and call them out as being assholes on occasion.Yes, I said it, my kids are a pain in my ass.
I know that it’s not politically correct to say that and damn it, I still love them with all the fierceness of a mama bear in drag but it had to be said. They are not perfect, neither am I, they have an asshole streak in them the size of Texas and I just don’t have the patience I need to deal with it on some days. Yes, I am perfectly aware that assholery and asshatery are both genetic and they have probably inherited it from their father or myself, or probably from both. I blame the Big Guy.
This is what has happened. Bella,the 7 year-old, has decided to never tell a lie… to her sister….unless it suits her situation. To the rest of us at home, she has become a down right exaggerating guru. This kid is the Pecos Bill of our house. She doesn’t necessarily lie so much as stretch the truth. I do not like lies. I loathe them and despise liars. It’s a trust thing and if I can’t believe what you say, your word means nothing and that just doesn’t work for me. I can’t have kids who think lying is ok. It’s not. We are working on it. She’s getting better at differentiating between what is real and what is not. She’s on the path of the straight and narrow now, especially when it is most inconvenient.
All that being said, Bella is at the age of reason. Damn you reason. Her little sister is still in that wide-eyed, life is magical phase. Bella and her new found honesty has been a real buzz kill lately.You know those little white lies that we all tell our children, ” oh yes, honey, that is the most beautiful elephant mommy has ever seen drawn!” when what it really looks like is a Picasso and it’s anybody;s guess what it might truly be. It’s all eyeballs and assholes. Well, Bella will come in right behind me and say something like this, ” Ugghh, Gabs, I can’t really even tell what that is!” Sometimes the truth is a little mean and sometimes my kids are pains in the ass and all the time, I love them so damn much that I just don’t care. I don’t need to adhere to some mom myth, I just need to love my children unconditionally…. and pray that Bella figures out that sometimes you can be generous with the truth to spare people’s feelings but I can’t explain that to a 7-year-old.
Do you perpetuate the mom myth or do you simply do your best and not worry about what other people think of your parenting?
Mom Myth #1 Busted Wide Open
photo credit: ^riza^ via photopin cc
2012/10/02
Words Matter the Importance of Honesty in Marriage
Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
Recently, I’ve been approached to be interviewed for some pretty lucrative positions. I haven’t been interviewed to get a job in years since most of my work comes from WOM recommendations or personal connections through past work partners. To be honest, I wasn’t looking because I’m finishing up my master’s in digital marketing and planned to evolve my career when the program is completed. But when opportunity knocks, you have to at least listen, right?

As I said, these positions are lucrative and to ignore the opportunity that sought me out would be crazy, so, I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone( out of my joggers and sweatshirts that have been my work uniform for the past seventeen years)(nervous and unsure) and went for it, talk about imposter syndrome? I felt like a guy dating way out of his league.

There have been 3 interviews thus far 1) was a huge editorial opportunity at a digital news outlet paying great money 2) an editor position heading up their newly formed parenting channel 3) an opportunity to enter the digital marketing field as a strategist. To say I was stressed about having these out-of-the-blue interviews would be an understatement but I’ve never let fear stop me from jumping in head first before, why stop now?

I pulled on my big girl panties and so I lept. Now, the reason I’m able to do this is that I’ve always had my core group of family’s unconditional support and confidence. My husband has always been my biggest supporter. No dream too big. No goal too lofty. “Baby you can do it!” Before the Big Guy, my dad was my hype man. While I’m humble, I’m not afraid of trying. I don’t particularly like failure but I always remain optimistic and try my hardest. A lot of that has to do with my unwavering support system and their belief in me. They truly lift me up so you can imagine what it would feel like if I found out maybe that wasn’t always the case.

Thursday, I was prepping for what would be the most stressful interview yet, the opportunity in digital marketing. Stressful because I’ve only worked from the content creation and influencer side and this position is in the strategist side. Plus, this wasn’t a phone interview but a video conference with not 1 but 2 of the executives. Did I mention I have an issue controlling my facial expressions and so ramble when I’m nervous? Also, how do I dress to look professional but youthful, energetic and creative without looking like a try-hard imposter, matronly or age-inappropriate? When let’s face it, I am often age-inappropriate because even though I’m on the verge of middle age, my heart and soul are stuck around 23-years-old. There were 100 different ways this could all go sideways and so couldn’t stop running every one of those scenarios through my head. I spent all that morning on the precipice of vomiting but I pushed through and decided to get out of my own way.

About an hour and a half before the interview, I sent the Big Guy to pick up the girls from school so I could finish centering myself and get ready (suit up in my interview armor so to speak). I was so nervous that I was getting irritable and second guessing every choice so when my girls got home I asked for their opinions on one fashion options. In retrospect, this was a completely futile and terrible choice. They’ve never been on an interview in their lives but I was desperate for reassurance.

That’s when, in my frantic state, my youngest pulls me aside to drop a truth bomb.I pride myself on raising my girls to be upfront, honest and transparent and to never, ever say something behind someone’s back that you wouldn’t say to their face. I guess I should have more clearly explained timing and how sometimes silence is the best option if the truth will hurt someone you care about. But, some lessons are learned late which Im still debating if it’s actually better than never.

The truth bomb she hit me with 45 minutes before my interview, “dad says you’re really nervous about your interview. You’ve been out of the game too long and you probably won’t get the job.”

In my head…. He said what!?!?!!!!!!!! Not in anger but in shock, awe and heartbreak.

She may as well have shot me on the heart because that’s literally what it felt like.

So, 30 minutes before my interview that I was already feeling insecure about, I’m beginning to look like a leopard from the crying. I can’t figure out how to react. Am I angry? Am I sad? Is this grounds for divorce? Was all that faith in me bullshit? Is our entire marriage a lie? If he, the man who supposedly “loves” me doesn’t believe I can do it, will anybody? Should I cancel the interview! Oh my God, he thinks I’m old??? I fucking hate it here. I’m an imposter. I have no business talking to these people. What was I thinking agreeing to this?? Omg, it’s virtual. They’re going to see my red-spotted, puffy just cried face. Every insecurity I had 45 minutes ago had been amplified by infinity. Does this man even love me? Do I even know who this person is?

Frantically spinning out of control like a helicopter caught in a hurricane about to crash into the ground and kill us all.

Then, 20 minutes before my interview, still not sure what to wear and trying to put on my makeup to cover my leopard spots, thanks to my toxic optimism, stubbornness and refusal to let anyone define what I can or can’t do ( thanks dad for raising me to believe in myself even when others don’t, to take pleasure in proving people wrong and succeeding to spite other peoples underestimation of me) I decided to let it go ( for the duration of the interview). Priorities.

I had a great interview. I was honest about everything including that most of my strategy work has been for class projects but I’m eager to learn and apply everything I’ve learned in class to real-world situations. We had a good rapport and the interview lasted a little over an hour( longer than they’d planned for), I did my best and I’m ok with however it plays out. TBH, I’m thankful for these interview experiences and less afraid of entering back into a corporate position. I feel more confident about my skills and what I have to offer. But even so, is saying thoughtless, hurtful things ( in any context) grounds for divorce?

In the end, I wasn’t mad but truly hurt … wounded. I had a talk with my husband and explained how his comments undermined my faith in myself and my trust in him. He tried to explain that it was taken out of context and he didn’t mean it “that” way. He humbly apologized. I know he felt shitty about me knowing he said it but I told him I was more hurt that he even thought it and in the end, how can I ever believe him when he hypes me up? I felt foolish, embarrassed and betrayed. I don’t like any of those.

He was upset that our daughter told me this before my interview. I told him, I was upset he said it at all. If you won’t say it to my face, then you shouldn’t say it behind my back. I wasn’t mad because she told me, I was sad that he thought that without discussing it directly with me. In fact, always supported me and told me he believed in me. It stung and it’s the only serious argument we’ve had in 25 years but it was serious. Not going to lie, it’s a chip in the foundation and that scares me because it’s the little things that erode a relationship.

We talked it out immediately ( well, as soon as the interview was over) because grudges and pushed-down hurts have no place in a marriage. But we both learned some lessons that day and I’m still processing them. This may sound trivial to some but in our relationship, it’s a big giving deal. Words matter and we all need to think a little more before we say things that may be hurtful to the people we love most because when we stop caring about the wounds we give, do we even love at all?
What would you have done? How much do you think words matter in a marriage?
2022/04/04
How to Be a Better, More Inspired Parent
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
One of the most important facts you’ll ever learn when you become an adult is that parenting is tough and you should really think about it before you embark on that journey. You think adulting is hard? Parenting is adulting X infinity with so much love and stress that you seldom can decipher where you end and your child begins. They say the army is the toughest job that you’ll ever love. I call bullsh*t. Being a parent is the hardest job but also the most rewarding and best thing that you will ever do in your life…if parenting is for you. Just keep in mind, that its not for everyone and that’s okay.
Whether your child is 3 or 13, raising children never seems to get easier, but the problems do change. For example, you know that your three-year-old may be acting up and screaming all day long, but at least they’re in your house and you know where they are.
Your 13 year old may not act up or scream, sometimes, but they’ll be out with their friends and you can’t always monitor them so it’s a different level of worry. Empowering yourself as a parent is not the easiest thing to do, because the days can feel so repetitive sometimes. You say the same things, and you act the same way, and you manage the same problems. Sometimes it feels like you’re starring in your very own Groundhog Day parenting edition. The good news is that there are ways to empower yourself as a parent and feel more inspired. Blogs like mine and others like Everyday Power can offer parents real relatable advice from other parents who’ve been where you are. It’s not always easy to be a better parent, and parents are constantly striving to do better than they did the day before. There is a massive amount of guilt that most parents carry especially when it comes to disciplining their children or having to say no because they have to work.
Parenting challenges never seem to end, but there are lots of things that you can do to be a better parent. Here are some of those things.
Listen
One of the most important things that you can do for your children’s to listen to them when they talk. If you listen to the little things, they will want to tell you the big things, and children shouldn’t be seen and not heard, they should be seen and heard. Being their sounding board even for the most mundane things to you, is important because those mundane things could be the most important thing in their day. When you listen to your children you can build their independence, and you are giving your time and a listening ear to hear what it is they have to say. Children are fun, insightful and curious, and even though it can be relentless to hear so much noise all day long it’s not always a good thing to say no to listening.
Don’t compare your children
It’s the hardest thing to do as well as a parent, is not to compare them. When your older child starts talking at 18 months old but your youngest is still mute by the age of five, it can be very difficult to compare them. But children are like apples and oranges, very different but just as sweet. The trick is recognizing the moments when your actions and your reactions can help your child to learn and grow, and while it’s nice to instill good manners and good habits into your children you have to remember that these are children. Their brains are not yet developed cognitively to consider the world the way adults do, and that can be a frustration at times, but it’s also a blessing. Who wants to believe in the world being a dangerous place when you can just believe in Father Christmas and the tooth fairy?
Actions speak louder than words
When it comes to parenting there is no truer phrase. children learn from what they see, so you are actually children teaching your children something every minute of every day. It’s not always easy as a grown up to model good behavior that you want to see in children, but if you are looking to ensure that you are teaching your children good traits and good manners, then you must do it yourself. Being respectful, saying please and thank you, being open and honest, showing love to your friends and family, your children are going to see all of this and they’re going to mimic that behavior.
Be okay with mistakes
To be a better parent you need to make sure that you are OK with your children making mistakes. That means that when they forget themselves, you need to gently remind them of their manners or the way they speak to other people. When you see that your children are building towers and they knock them down, it’s OK. Don’t avoid the crash. Don’t avoid your child falling over if all they’re going to get is a grazed knee and a bruised ego. Nice to prevent accidents, but it’s not going to help them. children need to learn mistakes and make those mistakes in one piece and be free to do so because then they can learn from them. If you keep rescuing your children they are never going to learn. This kind of mistake can help your children to understand cause and effect, but it’s so much healthier to allow your children to learn from those mistakes and grow as individuals.
2023/01/12