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The Shark Week Sneak
Vacation Shark Week is Deadly
For all the men, the Shark Week Sneak is like the quarterback sneak only much more bloody and without purpose. For some insane reason, I don’t know why other than my body and all that is holy, shark week for me always falls on a holiday, a vacation, a wedding or when I visit my mother-in-law, who scolds me for flushing tampons for fear that I will make the septic tank system explode and kill everyone within a 100 mile radius, but that’s another post entirely. Think Chernobyl of the cotton and bloody kind. Why I thought my first family vacation in 8 years would be an exception, I don’t know. To top it all off, it was my first shark week since February so it’s a doozie. We are talking no holds barred, tiny midgets chewing on your ovaries, two tampons and a mega MAXIPAD every hour. Not mini, not thin, there were no angel wings. Just me, an untapped hemorrhage and an adult diaper.Yeah, THAT kind of shark week.
And to make matters worse, it happened on the one week of the year when it was damn near guaranteed that I had to be in a bathing suit every day and walking around for hours on end at the fucking happiest damn place on earth. I was not so happy. I wanted to kill every lazy overweight person I saw that was riding a scooter because they were too damn lazy to walk.I was hemorrhaging and dying and my bloated ass still walked for 14 hours a day and don’t get me started on the stupid parents who stopped short on a path to scold their child who they refused to rent a stroller for. I was ready to go full on bat-shit crazy in the middle of Disney World. On the other hand, the Big Guy was about to commit a homicide if I rolled my eyes at him one more time. I couldn’t help it. Shark week had me in it’s clutches and was shaking me around like a crackheaded mother trying to quiet it’s crying baby. It’s a wonder my eyes didn’t roll right out of my head. He should be lucky I didn’t fashion a shiv out of my $100 bottle of Disney World water and stab him in the eye. I could have been a blood bath on a much larger scale.
Shark Week almost Killed Snow White
Don’t get me started on trudging through Disney World and meeting all of those mother effing happy princesses. So beautiful but for the love of God, what’s up with those squeaky voices. Oh yeah, I’m looking at you Cinderella! It was like nails on a chalkboard and teeth on Styrofoam rolled into one and all I wanted to do was take my kids light-up Jedi sword and club Snow White to death. But I didn’t. I carried on and played nice because I wanted my girls to remember their first trip to the happiest on earth fondly, not refer to it as that one time that Mommy got us all kicked out of Disney world for having a boot party on Belle or pulling Rapunzel’s hair around her neck and choking that bitch out because she just wouldn’t stop smiling.
No, in the end, I smiled and laughed and I even played in the rain and walked in a parade. I may have accidentally tripped the woman who pushed my little girl out of the way so that she could watch the parade herself but I’m pretty sure any self-respecting mom would have done the same, even if she were not hemorrhaging. Shark week came in with a vengeance to make up for lost time but it’s done and over with. We all survived. Of course, we are moving this weekend. I am bloated, achy, irritable and eating every single carb in sight. I am thankful for one thing though, I won’t be stuck listening to It’s a Small World stuck on repeat. Shark week should be spent with the ones you love, making them miserable too, not hating poor unsuspecting strangers.
What’s your most memorable shark week story?
Shark Week Not for the Weak
2012/06/26
Throat Punch Thursday ~ Chick-Fil-A Bigots of the World Unite Edition
Chick-Fil-A You Deserve A Throat Punch
We’ve all heard about the Chick-Fil-A fiasco with their COO Dan Cathy telling the world that he is in opposition to same-sex marriage. On Wednesday, dubbed “Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day” by former presidential candidate Mike Huckabee lines were stretching out front doors and around the parking lots; packed with customers coming out to support company chief executive Dan Cathy, who recently came out against gay marriage with statements that have polarized lovers of the Chick-Fil-A. I used to love Chick-Fil-A but I refuse to eat at a company that has such disdain for part of the population.
I had no idea what Chick-Fil-A Appreciation day was or that it was taking place yesterday. Imagine my surprise when I took my little girls out to lunch at the mall and the line circled the entire food court. Surely, this was more than just a lunchtime rush especially since local police was working the crowd and beefed up mall security.
Waiting for Throat Punches at Chick-Fil-A?
My girls were eyeballing Panda Express but I didn’t know where this line led; Panda Express is located directly next to Chick-Fil-A. I walked up to the ever-growing line and asked one of the patrons in the line, “Excuse me, what is this line for?” To which they proudly answered with a big smile (chest puffed out and all) “ This is Chick-Fil-A Appreciation day. We support Dan Cathy and do not support gay marriage.” Where the hell is the ACLU when you need them?
I was appalled and disgusted because this is not about God this is about intolerance. These bigots are using God as an excuse to be intolerant of others. As the story goes, God made everyone and God makes no mistakes so explain to me how same sex marriage is wrong? Are we saying that God makes mistakes? Why is it our business who anyone loves? Isn’t God the only one who can make that judgment? Who are we to speak for God?
I am not a theologian or a homosexual, nor am I God so I can’t pretend to know their hearts and minds. I am a human and as a human being, it doesn’t feel right to judge a person for who they love or who they are born to be in this world. I am religious but I am not a bigot and I don’t think the two go hand in hand. I believe that all humans deserve the rights to freedom of choice, freedom of thought and freedom of love.
Chick-Fil-A summit for intolerant people
I was sickened by the pride with which the customers I spoke with flaunted their disdain for same sex marriage. They spoke of it as if the very thought made them physically ill and, in my book, that is intolerance. Intolerance to that degree scares me for those who are not being tolerated. My mind goes to places like the KKK, Nazi Germany and other scenarios that ended in genocide.
I will no longer be eating at Chick-Fil-A because I refuse to give money to bigots. I understand that we are all entitled to our beliefs and freedom of speech. Dan Cathy can believe whatever he wants but he also has to accept the cost of his actions. He’s told the world of his intolerance and now Chick-Fil-A is ground zero for the culture war. This is why Chick-Fil-A Appreciation day supporters are receiving my throat punch today.
What do you think of hating a person because of who they choose to love? Did you choose whom you loved or did love choose you? The heart wants what the heart wants.
Do you support the Chick-Fil-A kiss in that will be taking place tomorrow?
2012/08/02
Our Hearts Are Breaking
She was never just a dog
It’s been a really hard weekend, we’ve lost a member of the family, our sweet dog Saffaron. I still can’t believe she is gone. Everywhere I look, I see her. Every time I look at her spot on the tile in the kitchen where she used to lay while we ate dinner or in the hallway in front of our bedroom door or on the floor in front of the television in the living room where she spent her last days, my heart hurts a little. The girls are trying to be strong but it’s still too soon for any of us to suffer another loss. It’s all too fresh, couple that with the first week of kindergarten and my 5-year-old is a complete wreck.
Our Saffaron died on August 17, 2012 at 8:37 pm. She was 2 days shy of being 13 years old and 1 month. She lived a very full & happy life and was loved by everyone she ever met, especially the Big Guy and myself and our little girls. The Big Guy and I have loved her since the first time she looked up at us with her gorgeous big brown eyes, she was 6 weeks old. She was no accident. We specifically sought her out from a breeder. She was all we ever wanted in a pet.
When looking over the litter, upon picking up a fresh newly born Saffaron, whose eyes were barely open, Saffaron promptly shat on me and the Big Guy fell in love with the runt of the pack. We could hold her in the palm of our hands. She was so tiny that we could lose her in the deep blades of autumn grass. No dog has ever been more wanted or loved. The Big Guy and I were newly married and little Saffaron was our first baby girl. She taught us to be parents. She taught us to unconditionally and selflessly love a helpless little girl. There is nothing we wouldn’t do for that girl and she loved us so fiercely that she would protect us with her life.
No matter where we moved, or how our lives changed, Saffaron was always by our side, in our bed snuggled in the blankets and curled right between us. When I was sad, Saffaron came and sat by my side while I mourned. When I’ve been sick she’d walk in and climb on the bed & lick my face with all the love she can muster.
No Dog was ever more loved
Later, when we had the girls, each time the Big Guy would bring the baby’s blanket home so that Saffaron could smell our sweet baby’s scent. Every time, Saffaron tenderly welcomed our newest additions with no jealousy only love. As I breast fed my babies in the middle of the night, Saffaron was at my feet. Sure, the attention and playtime suffered but Saffaron didn’t seem to mind making way for each of her sisters. As the girls grew, Saffaron loved them as if they were her own; ever protective and always loving. The girls used her as teething toys and jungles gyms, pulling on her ears and tail, headbunting her when she least expected it and not once did she ever snip, bark or show her teeth. She simply waited for them to tire of playing and then she moseyed off to another childfree room. She knew our girls loved her and that she was a part of our family. Saffaron was an amazing dog but she was so much more than just that, she was our first baby and we loved her unconditionally and we miss her awfully.
Friday night, our beautiful brindle boxer went to heaven. It was not peacefully or in her sleep as we had hoped, she was in excruciating pain in spite of her pain pills. She had, what appeared to be, a heart attack in my in laws living room floor, surrounded by the people who loved her for so many years. We tried to resuscitate her and performed CPR but it was all just too much for our sweet, sweet Saffaron. She went on to heaven to wait for us.
We are all devastated; completely heartbroken. My 5-year-old is having a really hard time with it. She woke up Saturday morning, after saying good-bye to Saffaron the previous night, and asked where Saffaron was. We explained again that our beloved friend has gone on to Heaven to be with God. She seemed satisfied until an hour ago, while her and I sat quietly in her room, she asked me what happened to her Saffaron. I said again that she’s gone to heaven to wait for us and she’s with God. Gabi looked at me & said I know that but what did they do with her body. My heart is exploding. I told her that her soul is in heaven and her body is being prepped for cremation. I didn’t explain cremation. Then she said, ” Mommy, I hope Saffaron is with our baby and there is a Mommy up on heaven to love our baby and our Saffaron until we get there.”
Me too baby, me too.
Our Sweet Girl
Saffaron Zeta Beck
7/19/99- 8/17/12
Beloved girl
You will always be in our heart
May you be eating bacon and chasing rabbits in heaven waiting for us
You will be forever missed sweet baby
Have you ever had to explain death to your child? How do you tell your child the dog they loved has went to heaven and isn’t coming back?

2012/08/20
The Last Day of another Decade of Life
Today is the last day of another decade of life for me. Of course, it would fall on a Monday on the heaviest day of shark week. This does not surprise me. I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring, as none of us are, but if turning 30 taught me anything, expect the unexpected.
(more…)
2012/09/25
I was Almost Miss Teen America
Only the Awesome can be Miss Teen
What the hell does Miss Teen America have to do with anything? I’m not revealing another diagnosis, eating disorder, deep dark secret from my childhood or a life altering loss. In the last year, I’ve revealed so much of myself to you all that I’m pretty sure that you all are searching for the world’s smallest violin to play me a song. Recently, I even got the “Aww, You have been through a lot in your life” comment and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry. I laughed. (more…)
2012/10/09
Chicago: Ten Things to do Before You Die

My girls in Chicago’s Millennium park
I grew up in the Chicagoland area and it is still one of my favorite places in the world. It probably has something to do with the fact that all the people I love most are still there and there is just something magical about sharing the city with my own children.
Chicago is the third largest major city in the United States, but to me it’s home. It’s where I learned about life. It’s the place I had all of my firsts and I take my girls there, every chance we get. I’ve since moved away but my heart always remains in the windy city. It’s more than a beautiful city with an impressive skyline, world class sports teams and a plethora of culture and food; it’s got heart just like the people of Chicago. (more…)
2010/06/24
Like Giving Candy to a Baby~ Candy for Children as Reward for Behavior
Candy for Children as a Reward for Good Behaviors
Candy for children as rewards is like giving candy to a baby, and about as responsible. In a world where kids are being put on diets and touted as being problems for their obesity, how is it tolerated that some teachers are still using sweets as a reward system for educational accomplishments or good behavior? Are you in shock? I am and I am pissed off.
I have encountered teachers who group children into different candy groups and if they accomplish their tasks for the day, they are rewarded with that treat. The treats range from sweet sugary cereals, to skittles, M&Ms, and gummy bears to name a few. Why?
Children accumulate tickets for good behavior or good listening skills, they can then cash the tickets in for sweets or special treats like lunch with the teacher or sitting in a special place. Of course, you have to save a lot more tickets to earn the non-sugary rewards. It is almost as if the children are being encouraged to take the easy reward, the route of instant gratification. Isn’t that how we’ve gotten to the current status of obesity in this country?
Candy for Children as Rewards should be Illegal
I am not a fanatic. I do believe that kids can enjoy the occasional piece of candy, in moderation. Candy is not the devil but it is also in no way a necessity in a child’s life. Candy for children as a special treat is fine but it should not be used as a reward system and given and withheld dependent on a child’s achievements. By doing this, we are teaching children to associate food with celebrations and achievement. We are teaching our children to eat their feelings. The 6 year old buying chocolate to celebrate knowing her addition facts is the same 500 pound woman who will be drinking a 32 ounce coke in the morning to “celebrate” waking up.
From personal experience, I know how hard it is to change your path of bad eating habits once they are learned. Those children that the teacher is giving candy and pop ( oh yes, they can earn tickets for pop too! I don’t even allow my girls to have pop at home and all they need to do is earn enough tickets, for doing what they are supposed to be doing anyways, and they can buy soda pop and candy at free will) to are being expected to have self- control that is most likely beyond their maturity level. I think it’s ridiculous. I have had to sit my daughter down and explain that she is not allowed to purchase ‘treats’ at school that she is not allowed at home. I also explained the effects that sugar has on your health, your teeth, the sugar highs and crashes, etc.
This is being done in a first grade class. What first grader do you know that wouldn’t eat themselves sick on sugar if given the chance? I’m pissed that they are given this option. Aren’t there nutrition guidelines enforced on school lunches for this very reason? This teacher’s reward system, undermines the entire shift in nutritional focus.How would you approach the teacher? I’ve told my daughter not to take the candy and she listens. But why should she have to feel punished? I think the candy should not be an option. What do you think about candy for children as a reward system for good behavior and good grades?
Candy for Children as Rewards should not be an option
Photo Source

2012/03/05
Throat Punch Thursday- Escape from Spring Break
I’m fully aware that my Throat Punch Thursday is 3 days late but there were extenuating circumstances – Spring Break. Who name it that anyway? No doubt some father who gets to go off to work for the week. If you are at home with your children during spring break, you realize there is no break about it. It is complete chaos.
So, my girls have been on spring break this week. This means I have been all sorts of discombobulated. They have encroached on my work time and my general routine. I love these two little girls but damn it if the ear bleeding screeches and the whining aren’t about to make me stab myself in the ears with a Q-Tip.
On top of all of that wonderfulness, I have contracted some sort of virus that is taking me down with the force of a giant with a bad attitude.
Sure the week was chalked full of fun: putt-putt, go-karts, repurposing a shed into a club house (Password: Girls RULE!), cleaning my garage in preparation for a garage sale, more cleaning, lots of eating junk and we saw The Croods (which made me cry ) and Oz the Great and Powerful (which made me pray there is another sequel in the works because it was so amazing) and now we finish it off with a bang. Not only have a almost completely lost my voice from this sickness, my back is also on the fritz, so the girls have not been listening (claiming they couldn’t hear me yelling) and its been general chaos and now, I am under the influence of a fever. I cannot even imbibe in wine for fear that my already irritated sinuses will mutiny and take out my entire face.
Tonight, Spring break and I play a game of chicken. Tomorrow we have tickets to Disney on Ice but tonight I have a fever. Let’s see who swerves first. I’m going to see the damn Disney on Ice. I’ve wanted to go since I was a kid and my parents couldn’t afford it. I am taking my girls…even if I have a fever. I will pop some ibuprofen and a muscle relaxer for the spazomatic back and we will be good to go.
I used to love spring break. The thought of having my girls at home with me this year was especially appealing because they are both in school all day but instead, by Monday I was thinking I should have planned some sort of work travel during spring break. They have been completely insane and me being sick has exacerbated the entire situation. I want my mommy but she’s not coming because she doesn’t want what I have so I will pray and rest and keep pushing the fluids and drinking the cold medicine every 3 hours.
How was your spring break? Was it as exciting as mine? I bet not.
2013/04/07
Mexico Barbie Perpetuates a False Stereotype of Mexican Women ~Throat Punch Thursday
Hey Latinas, does this Mexico Barbie represent you?
Did you know that Mattel has a new Mexico Barbie coming out? At first I thought, hell yeah! I was so excited. I grew up on Barbie. I love her and so do my girls. Now, I’ll have a Mexican Barbie to share with my little girls. A Barbie that represents their culture, their heritage, their mother and themselves. Thank you Mattel!
Then I saw Mexico Barbie.
Mexican Barbie is dressed in a traditional Mexican folkloric dress; a fluorescent pink dress with multicolored ribbons. She comes with a Chihuahua dog under her arm and in the box is also a passport, you know so she’s documented. After all, we don’t want Mexico Barbie in “our” country unless she is here legally with up to date papers.Something about Mexico Barbie does not sit well with this Mexican. (more…)
2013/04/11
Nutrisystem is a Lifestyle Change not a Quick Fix
I am so behind; I started writing my Nutrisystem update on Monday and am just now getting around to posting it. Please tell me that I am not the only one who is running her mommy butt off this summer? I thought summer was supposed to be relaxing. My summer is less like a day at the beach and more like a runaway train.Granted the chasing bubbles and chalk art is glorious but damn it, I don’t think that’s going to pay the bills.
My second week on Nutrisystem was completely crazy. My husband was out of town, which means life was chaotic and filled with even more obligations than usual. I spent the entire week running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I am so exhausted. Between all of the running around and keeping the girls entertained, I just couldn’t get anything accomplished. My sister and nephew came into town to visit for a few days. That was awesome but like any disruption to our routine, it threw us into a tailspin. I was really afraid that I was going to fall off my Nutrisystem wagon.
Like any other diet or weight loss program,slips can happen even on Nutrisystem especially when you are running behind and short on time. The difference between success and failure is whether you have a slip and then move past it and get right back on track or if you just give up because of one slip. The key is to never give up.
Thankfully, I stayed pretty close to the straight and narrow this week even amongst all the craziness. My only slip was having a cup of Garrett’s Chicago Mix popcorn that my husband brought me back from Chicago. Thankfully, Garrett’s is nowhere near where I live so the temptation is not there on a regular basis. I’m allowed to have popcorn on Nutrisystem, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t include cheese and caramel popcorn. So, I slowly enjoyed my popcorn and then I walked an extra ½ hour the next morning and I moved on.
Another evening that could have potentially been a slippery slope of bad eating never happened because of the flexibility of the Nutrisystem program. I was so tired and really wanted nothing more than to just order out, plop my feet up and gab with my little sister but I didn’t do that. I made dinner; chicken nachos with grilled summer squash and zucchini and fresh watermelon. It took about 15 minutes from start to finish.I knew I couldn’t have nachos but I could have a Nutrisystem Chicken and cheese Quesadilla, the grilled veggies and the watermelon. I was even able to have two ounces of the seasoned chicken breasts that I used in the nachos.
It may sound like a weird combination but it was delicious and it let me have dinner with my family. What I mean is I didn’t have to sit there feeling like I was being punished or deprived because really, I was enjoying the same meal with them. This is really helpful to me in staying on plan.
I ended up losing another 1 pound and 8 ounces, bringing my grand total so far to 7.2 pounds in 2 weeks. My weight at Monday’s weigh in was 241.4. I knew this week would be a slow loss after last week’s big number but considering all the disruption to our regular routine, I think I did great and I am proud of myself. I am looking forward to next week.
Bonus: I also lost 2 inches off my arm, 2 inches off my chest, 3 inches off my waist, 3 inches off of my hips and 2 inches off of my thigh for a total of 12 inches in two weeks. That, my friends, is awesome. I can already feel a difference in the way my shorts are fitting. Next week, hopefully I’m back in the 230’s!
Want to join me in losing weight and getting healthy on Nutrisystem? You can join Nutrisystem by calling 1-888-853-4689 or visiting https://www.nutrisystem.com/nsblog
Disclaimer: Nutrisystem is providing my program free of charge for my participation in the Nutrisystem Nation Blogger program but all opinions are honest and my own.

The winner of the EatSmart Digital Nutrition Pro Scale is Daniela Tapia. Congratualtions Daniela! I hope you will enjoy your as much as I enjoy mine. It’s an amazing and invaluable tool to have on your weight loss journey. But don’t worry, I’ll have more great giveaways coming in the future from EatSmart.
Photo: Nutrisystem
2013/06/19