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The TRUTH About Motherhood

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  • It’s the First Annual #HoHoHoHolidayswap 2010

    Today I have the pleasure of being a part of the #HoHoHoHolidayswap ( every single time I say that , I hear the lyrics..hotel, motel, holiday inn…streaming through my head.What’s that say about me?) . Anyways, these are a great bunch of bloggers who will blow your socks off.
    But  it is my pleasure to introduce to you one of my favorite people in the world ( bloggy, real and otherwise) Naomi de la Torre the talented and beautiful author of Organic Motherhood with Coolwhip.She can also be found these days writing her velour covered ass off at SheKnows and also as the voice behind baby Lucha @ Baby Banter.
    She is a talented writer, a fabulous friend, and can be found on twitter hanging out with the cool kids! Make sure to check out her blog and leave her some love here, as well! Now, let’s give a big Truth About Motherhood welcome to the sweetest, mojito drinking, fallopian tube crossing, salsa dancing, baby wrangling, organic ,baby loving blog bestie of mine…..Naomi!
    Today, I can be found spreading my holiday mayhem at A Belle, a Bean and a Chicago Dog.
    Stop by and show me some love!
    Please stop by as many of the blogs as you can. These ladies are all great writers and you will be in for a treat.
    The Bad Sister’s Favorite Christmas
    I’m a good sister. Usually. Mostly.
    But, according to my little sister Aliza, when we were young, I was bad. Very bad. Very bad indeed. My various crimes include:
    1. Tricking her into eating cat food to impress a babysitter.
    2. Excluding her from plans to move to New York City and live in a super fabulous loft and write encyclopedias for a living with our same-age cousin Hillary.
    3. Not taking her to the bathroom and causing her to have various accidents that could have been avoided. (More on this later.)
    4. Sending her out onto a small pond in our backyard on a raft that didn’t float. (Yes, she sank.)
    5. Not playing Barbie Dolls with her. Even when she asked nicely.
    I must admit, I did all those things. And more. But the worst of all my childhood crimes is probably one that occurred on Christmas one year.
    This was during the era when neon clothes, shoulder pads, knee-length sweaters, and Cindy Lauper-inspired stirrup pants were all the rage and my sister had just received a brand-new pair of hot-pink jean stirrups. She was over the moon for her new outfit, which also came with a handful of jelly bracelets and a matching Mickey Mouse shirt. Just as we were trying on all our Christmas loot, my sister said, “Uh-oh! I have to pee!”
    For whatever reason (I simply cannot explain my motives) I raced in front of her, dashed into the bathroom and stood on top of the toilet. She came in and pleaded with me to get off. She begged me to get down. She told me that it wasn’t funny. She told me it wasn’t nice. But apparently, I found the whole situation quite hilarious and I stood there on top of the toilet laughing hysterically. That is, until she became very quiet , turned bright red, and stood motionless while a big wet circle grew on the front of her brand new hot pink stirrup pants.
    After that, I felt bad.
    But apparently not bad enough to avoid the many other crimes that I’ve been accused of during the rest of my childhood.
    Is this really my favorite Christmas?
    No, of course not. There was also the Christmas during which I got my period for the first time and my mother felt the need to shout this information at top-volume throughout my Grandma’s house in front of a whole slew of male relatives. Which caused me such intense mortification that I considered taking up residence in the bathroom and never coming out again.
    But that was probably my sister’s favorite Christmas. Not mine.
    In truth, my sister and I are the best of friends. But when we were kids, we fought as often as we got along. My two boys are the same age difference apart as us and their daily squabbles send me over the edge. Regularly. They tease each other incessantly. They fight over toys. They tell tales on each other. Sometimes, I just want to scream, “Why can’t you just get along!!??” But I guess, considering my sordid past, I really don’t have the right to say this.
    Christmas, for me, above all else, is a

    time for family. And family is love. I love my family with an intensity that sometimes crushes me to bits and makes it hard to breathe. I can’t imagine my existence without them. And I adore this time of year because it gives us all a reason to come together. With a family like mine that is spread halfway across the globe, our times together are infrequent, but they are wonderful.

    And yes, though we are now grown, we still tease each other. We argue. We play favorites. We tell stories on each other. We throw each other under the bus. Even as adults. No one is perfect.
    And though you won’t find me standing atop any toilets when my friends or family are desperate anymore,  I can’t claim that I don’t do something equally irritating and juvenile, just maybe something a little more fitting for my age range.

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  • How do You Know if You’re Ready to be a Parent?

    After falling backward into marriage with a wonderful man, more than I could’ve ever asked for in a person to love me, 5 years later I was getting a little worried. I wasn’t worried about the marriage. I was worried about what came next; babies. How do you know if you’re ready to be a parent?
    There was no time frame on any of it but I knew, in my heart, that one day I would be married with children. I never doubted it or considered it wouldn’t happen.
    One small problem, I met the man of my dreams when I was least expecting him. He asked me to marry him, when I was even less expecting it. I said yes, to the shock of myself and everyone else. You see where I am going with this?
    Life just kept tossing me those lovely wonderful curve balls. I went with it and it all seemed to be playing out perfectly. My life was everything I never knew I’d always wanted, served on a silver platter. One thing was missing, a baby.

    But, how do you know if you’re ready to be a parent?

    It wasn’t missing because I had misplaced it or some unfortunate fertility issues. We weren’t so busy with our careers that we had forgotten about it. What happened was I married a man who wasn’t sure if he wanted children or not. I know it sounds crazy that I would have even considered marriage when I was so certain about this one aspect of my life. I knew I needed to be a mother, at some point, the way I know I need to breathe air. But he wasn’t totally sure that he didn’t want children, I am an eternal optimist, and we took a chance. Actually, I’d say it was more like the biggest gamble of my life because if things hadn’t worked out as they did, my story would be very different. Probably a lot more like Elizabeth Gilbert’s and a lot less like Truthful Mommy’s.
    I remember feeling a lot of trepidation the summer of 2004. It had finally sunk it that maybe this wasn’t going to happen and then big decisions were going to have to be made. Decisions that neither of us wanted to even consider. So we vaguely discussed and kind of decided to plan to plan to have a baby. You know…maybe sometime in that not predetermined future. Personally, in retrospect, I think we were biding our time. He was trying to put off something he still wasn’t sure about and I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I was trying and praying to keep hope alive in my heart. That was the summer of our 5-year anniversary.
    We planned a romantic getaway to New Orleans. It was magical. I’m sure it had a lot to do with the “we’re on vacation” mojo and the ginormous hurricanes they serve in the French Quarter but we had a heart to heart and decided that we were both on board to plan to plan to have our mythical baby…one of these days. We walked around the Garden district holding hands and talking about how awesome it would be to live there. Spent nights walking together, gazing at the stars, eating rich foods on Jazz cruises in the Mississippi. We lingered in the French Quarter drinking all that life had to offer before coming back to our hotel to bask in one another’s love multiple times* wink*wink*
    Then we returned home. Our marriage stronger than ever, our faith in each other renewed, our love undivided and then…I started puking and puking….and puking some more. Our plan to plan had been foiled and replaced by actual living in the now! We were both scared witless, shitless and sideways and oh, yeah excited. Me more excited; him more scared witless. For a couple months, I was wondering how this was all going to play out. Don’t get me wrong, he was very involved.
    We did everything together. I read the pregnancy journal to him every night, so we knew what was going on with our baby. He read and sang to my belly. He was at every appointment. He got choked up at the heartbeat. He catered to my every pregnancy whim. He did everything right but for some reason. I felt like he felt like I had sprung this on him. I was too afraid to bring it up because, honestly, I was afraid of what his answer was going to be. Then I wasn’t sure if it was really fear or some kind of crazy hormonal paranoia. So I just went on basking in my glow and praying every night that he REALLY was too. It felt too good to be true, so I was sure something was afoot.
    3 days before Christmas we went to have a 3-D confirmation ultrasound done because I HAD to know what the sex of the baby was going to be. They had told me a girl but said they could be wrong because of leg placement. The doctor had tried 3 times to get a definite sex reading and always the same. She was a good Catholic girl even in utero, closed legs and a middle finger to the world. I was so nervous, I vomited.
    It was the big day; I was going to finally know the sex of our baby…our accidental, planning to plan love child. The image came up and we saw our baby in 3-D and I knew…we were ready. He was ready. He was happy. He was ECSTATIC. I had my answer, not about the sex of the baby but the answer to a much bigger question.
    Then Christmas came. I didn’t care what I received under the tree because I had already gotten my gift, three days earlier in the ultrasound room. I had gotten peace of mind. All the gifts were open and the Big Guy disappeared. Then he came back in with a huge, beautifully wrapped box and he placed it in front of me. “For me?” I asked. “No, it’s for the baby. I bought it a few months back to surprise you!”  I opened the box and inside it was the most beautiful Burberry diaper bag that I had ever seen, through my tear filled eyes. He said, “a few months back”. I had worried for nothing. This is one of my favorite and most cherished holiday memories of all of my existence.

  • A few more that you might have missed

    You all had such a great response to the throw backs that no one ever read before last week, that I decided to share a few more of these missed gems!Hope you enjoy!

     

    Playdates; A brief deviation from my sequence

    Four years have passed since the birth of my first child, that means it has been just about 3 years and 3 months ( give or take) since we entered the world of play dates. I know, we were late to the scene. What can I say. Anyways,I digress. So,at that time we had recently relocated to a new part of the country. I, being bound and determined to give my child the best childhood ever ( because that is my quest , you know),signed us up for a couple of the “it” classes that are imperative for children at that age, if they are to become anyone later in life. We go to our classes and I cast my net. I try and gauge from our brief encounters and the public interactions of Mommies with their children, who just might be worthy of our friendship, or at the very least, which other Mommies were on “my” level. I know, it sounds horrible when you say it out loud. Keep in mind, this scenario is very much like freshman year in college. You are scared, alone, new to the area and willing to befriend and accept just about anyone into your “clique”. You’ve got to start a clique so you can be a part of something. So, to recap, we have a need to belong to the best clique (for our children’s benefit, of course) but we are so desperate we end up being play date friends with anyone who’ll have us. That is until we get our bearings and regain our senses. In most cases, the original play date relationship dynamic devolves and eventually ends in a slow, painful death. You see, the original net we cast to catch some play date friends usually has a lot of throw backs.Just like freshman year, we find ourselves floundering to unmake the original friendships because we find that we have absolutely nothing in common, except for our one common denominator, said children. Unfortunately, this is not usually enough to sustain a real friendship but it can foster a false sense of belonging. It seems to be ingrained into our minds that we need to subject ourselves to rejection in order to feel accepted. I don’t know why we do this as people, little lone as Mommies because then we are dragging these poor children into this pit and doing it all under the guise that “this is whats best for my baby”. In our hearts, we mean only good and can never, at its inception, perceive or fathom what twilight zone like situations we may soon find ourselves in! Much more to share about play dates, but we will save that for another day!

    Rantings of a Crazy woman; 1st Pregnancy

    So, that brings us to the gloriousness of pregnancy. Well, for me, pregnancy was pretty glorious. I only gained 18 lbs. with my pregnancies (of course I started out on the chunky side), mild all day sickness with my first, I had an ass for the 1st time in my life (not so bad), boobs got a little bigger, no hemorrhoids, no excess gas, still loved sex, still slept on my belly, no stretch marks (well, one but it disappeared after birth).No craziness. I just basked in the glory of my pregnancy. It was amazing and I devoured all the attention, ate whatever I wanted (that was allowed), was completely engulfed in the whole experience. Read every book (with and to my husband), sharing facts like they were going out of style. Rented a Doppler, sang to my fetus, played music to it, talked to it, swayed it to sleep. Everything about it was amazing. Took every class, drove a little slower, and kept a journal of my pregnancy. No one told me that I should pamper myself, because it was the last time I’d be able to do anything alone, for the rest of my life. Oh, to go to the toilet without a chaperone trying to eat the toothpaste. Those were the days. But, I wouldn’t trade one moment of toothpaste eating tag to pee alone again, if it meant that I didn’t have my daughters. Alone time is over rated anyways, yeah, just like date nights and spontaneous sex, said the jealous, tired Mommy. That was my first pregnancy!

    What really happens the second time around

    Fast forward to two years later, we have a beautiful, now demanding toddler (whom I am completely in love with) who wants all of my time, every waking moment. Who decided long ago that co-sleeping was the thing for her, and is still in our bed, with no end in sight? Not that I mind, it’s comforting to see your child’s cherubesque face in the middle of the night when you awaken to pee for the 7th time because you’re 9 months pregnant. But it makes it hard to bask in the glory of the pregnancy of baby number 2, when baby number 1, is still a baby. Still I only gained 18, ok 20, lbs. But for some reason I seemed a lot bigger. Last time, I didn’t even show until I was 8 months pregnant. Seriously, I was thicker in the waist but at my baby shower (2 months before my daughter was born) people were teasing me that I didn’t look pregnant. And I really didn’t, well, only in my ass So here I am, bigger than before, chasing a toddler who has the energy of a boxer puppy on crack cocaine, and I am absolutely drained. I had all day sickness from hell, for 4 months. I had to wear sea sick bands! I looked pretty ridiculous. No one was quite as impressed the second time around. Don’t get me wrong, we were all ecstatic. We planned for baby #2, and got pregnant right away, it was just different because the time that I used to bask in my procreating glory last time, was now being used to shuttle a 2 year old to classes, play dates, and constantly try and explain/prepare her for her new baby sister. I was obsessed with making baby # 1 not feel left out or abandoned by the pending arrival of baby #2. It was exhausting.

    2 year old Selective Hearing Syndrome and other nuggets of wisdom

    I have began to wonder why none, not one,of the parenting books mentions that around the age of 2 children develop selective hearing.Hearing only the things that they want to hear and specifically those things that you don’t want them to hear such as the occasional stump your toe curse word or the fact that your friend needs to lose a couple pounds. Of course they choose to hold on to these nuggets until the most inappropriate times for instance, said friend’s nervous breakdown over her looks, or they blurt out some unexpected four lettered gem in the middle of mass.Why is this information not labeled with a warning in the parenting books. Is it just another one of those secrets we keep because it is too much fun to watch the provisionals experience the embarrassment and humiliation that we ourselves did, not so long ago?Beware this is quite frequently co morbid with Constant Repeat disorder. In a nutshell, not unlike my child, your child ignores you and repeats anything they say constantly as to make sure that you have not acquired their selective hearing syndrome.My daughter’s favorite repeat phrase is ” M..o..m…m.y…EAT!” It is usually repeated in sets of no less then 7 times. Furthermore, even more concerning then the 2 year old selective hearing syndrome, there is the very common but temporary ( I am hoping) 4 year old complete deafness
    disease. This is a little more frustrating because the onset is normally around the age of 3 to 3 and 1/2 years of age and continues on to about the age of 6, only to reappear at around age 11.So, that is something to look forward to in the coming years. My daughter’s particular strain of the disease leaves her completely deaf to any and all requests from her father and I, of any kind, especially those requests that pertain to the well being of her little sister, aforementioned victim of selective hearing syndrome. Sometimes it can be quite scary when you are asking, repeatedly, for the child to stop beating on their sibling, sitting on their sibling,annoying their sibling, doing something dangerous, to eat, be quiet or clean or pick up anything and the child simply does not hear your voice in any form. They become completely oblivious to the parent who is making said requests. Sometimes, we are overcome with the desire to shake said child but don’t give in. At the very moment you move towards the child, like a bunny, they scamper and scurry to another room. Leaving you even more frustrated because with 4 year old complete deafness disease, once in another room deafness is absolute and there is no hope for said child to hear anything you will ever say fro the remainder of the day..possibly ever again!

  • Mommy Friends; Worth their Weight in Gold

    We all know that our friends are priceless. A good friend to share your thoughts with and have some camaraderie with really can make life a lot happier.It makes things fun. You have a cheerleader, someone who always ‘gets’ you.Someone, aside from your husband, who you can be yourself with and they still love you…perks and quirks.

    There is something even more precious than a friend and that is the rare mythical creature called a Mommy friend.I’m not referring to the ladies in the  drop off line that you share nothing with other than being mothers of kindergartners. I am not referring to the ladies in the Moms Groups that have to be nice to you because you go to church together.I’m not even referring to those Stroller Striding, Gymboree, baby wearing mates that you spend your days with. Hell, I am not even touching on the Moms you met through common friends and who you have coffee and gossip with while the kids run a muck.The group I am referencing is that very small piece of the population that you meet through some kid like function, your eyes meet, she looks normal, your kids like her kids, her kids like your kids, and you actually can have a conversation outside of your children about, you know, the other things in your life. *gasp*

    I know its verboten to speak of such things but it happens occasionally. You know the lady you unsuspectingly meet at ballet class or while at the library checking out dvds books and you have the same parenting technique, you are both drowning in the velvet sea of children and someone takes mercy and tosses the other a flotation device…you know, to save her life!And its like falling in love, but without all the sex to mess it up. You recognize her by her nervous smile and exhausted sighs. In that moment, she rescues you from the isolation that was your island of parenting solitude.

    I’ve always had a lot of friends.That’s just who I am. I come from a large family and that’s what we do..people and relationships. When you’re from a large family with not a lot of money, you have to develop a personality.It’s the only thing that you’ve got to offer. I noticed as I had children, loads of my friendships fell to the wayside. Not because I chose it, or even they did, but we grew apart. Either they didn’t have kids or our kids were at vastly different stages in life, leaving us in vastly different stages of motherhood.It makes a difference.It’s like being at the beginning of life or the end of life. Of course we could benefit from that relationship but who has the time or energy when you are trying to chauffeur, cook, fold, clean, wipe asses, comb tangled hair,stop littles from eating the toothpaste and running into the street, and about 2000 other things simultaneously.

    Its a little scary. I have two children and in the 5 years that they have been alive, I have made 5 in real life Mommy friends. Yes, of course I’ve met plenty of wonderful ladies to have play dates with or chat up during drop off and pick up but only 5 have I shared a real connection. Only 5 do I want to sit down and talk about whats really going on in my life. Only 5 that would want to share a glass of wine and  get my advice. Only 5 that I can unleash my verbal diarrhea on and them actually engage with a thoughtful answer and not a head shake, blank stare and a “Right, right”. These ladies are my village. These ladies are the ones who have seen me at my best and my worst and don’t judge me for it. Don’t think less of me for being human.These friends are worth double their weight in gold. They are my tether to sanity.They are amazing.

    Who are your Mommy friends?How and where did you meet them? What do you think qualifies a true Mommy friendship?

  • It’s a Beautiful World I See

    I planned to write a post tonight about my Mommy A-Ha moment and then I read a couple posts of fellow bloggers who I really admire. Tonight, their posts have inspired me to write something different then what I had planned.I know that lately I have been writing syrupy or serious pieces, not my usual “laugh out loud, that lady cracks me up” kind of pieces but that’s just where my head has been lately.Things have been weighing on my mind. I do have a serious side, you know. Sometimes:) Tonight, is not night that the snark makes its reappearance but soon.I promise.

    The posts that I read were  Empty by Jenni Chiu @ Mommy Nani BooBoo and Hey Buddy by Kelle Hampton @ Enjoying the Small Things. Jenni is normally a rip roaring hoot. I adore her because she is absolutely hilarious, snarky in a way that you either fall madly in love with her style or you are completely offended. I fell hard for her snark. She is honest and real, just like life.Tonight, I first read her post about Green Eggs and Ham and her little boy eating his boogers and I laughed out loud. She is challenging herself to write a 50 word story. Commentors  are encouraged to leave a word to be used and she will use the first 50 words that she receives,just like the challenge issued to Dr. Seuss. Of course, given our repartee I  issued the word “pulchritudinous”.Then, I went back a post and read, Empty and my heart cracked open into a million little pieces.

    A few days ago she had a miscarriage at two months along. It’s her story to tell and I suggest that you read it. I can’t do it justice. But it made my heart hurt and made me want to hold me girls really close tonight. I am so blessed that when I crawl into bed after writing this post, I am going to snuggle so closely to my little girls that they are going to wake up and say ,”Mommy, get off of me!Scoot back!You are smothering me!” And I won’t really mind or care because I am just so grateful that I have them here to annoy. These are the moments that change us.The moments that make us realize that we are mortal that we are all here but by the grace of God.

    Then I headed over to Enjoying the Small Things, as I do every single time my blog roll shows that she has posted something new.Have you read Kelle Hampton? She is really an amazing writer, photographer, mother, and lover of life. She is a go big or go home sort of person with her love. I read her for inspiration.She inspires me to Enjoy the Small things and to be a better person. Tonight’s post was about the Downs Syndrome Buddy Walk held in Naples, Florida this past weekend.Kelle and her husband have two beautiful daughters, the youngest, Nella, has Downs Syndrome. I am perpetually inspired by how Kelle views the world and her perspective on life.Tonight’s post touched me beyond words. The gorgeous photos of all family and friends gathered round in support of their little almond eyed beauty in the walk. As I skimmed the photos of Nella herself, in her little Rock star wagon, I found myself crying and smiling simultaneously. My heart breaks knowing how deep a Mother’s love is and how we want every possibility for our children.To see our children grow up, get married and have children of their own, to share their life experiences with us..to watch them exhaust every avenue of potential..that is what we live for. That’s the good stuff. To watch them struggle in any way, tears at our soul.To know that one day limitations will arise for such a small piece of God’s perfection makes me sad. But I am so happy that little Nella has such an amazing Mother, Father,Grandfather, sister, family,  and friends who will be there throughout the good times and bad times, the hard times and the soft times, the sunny days and the cloudy days of life. Her piece made me want to do more, to push the possibilities, to embrace the chaos and to love my children with reckless abandon with a love so fierce that it could rule the world.

    Thank both of you ladies for sharing such intimate moments in your lives. You both have inspired me to be a better woman, mother, and wife.You have made me want to be a better me and to be thankful for this beautiful world that I see. These moments are truly changing me.

  • A-Ha Moments, Not just for Oprah anymore!

    The other day I had my ultimate Mommy Moment thus far in my life as a Mommy. We all think our A-Ha Mommy moment hits sometime in those first few seconds of exhausted bliss after birth. We spend hours in labor, we are ready to be a Mommy.The baby finally makes its way into the world and they place him/her on our chest all ooey and gooey and we fall in love. Deep, breathtaking love. We are a Mommy.That’s it, end of story. That’s when we know we have arrived,right?

    WRONG! Oh so wrong. I did fall into deep, breathtaking love with each of my girls at the moment they came into the world.Hell, let’s be honest I loved them before they were born.It’s just the way I am built. Not everyone does and that’s OK. I mean, its sort of a shock the way they are thrust into our lives, really. But even with all that giant love oozing out of my heart, not a Mommy Moment does that make. Of course if you have a child you are a mother but what really changed about you, the person? Everything and nothing,all at the same time.It’s not a magic wand that instantaneously makes you a “Mommy” There is no apprenticeship, there is no internship, there is no class that immerses you in the reality of a colicky baby, a dirty house, an exhausted brain, and an equally exhausted body. Even if there was a book that told us the honest to God truth, we’d never believe it. The reality is too spectacular. It’s one of those things you have to live through, like war, death, and your own birth. On the job training is the only way to experience it.

    So, back to the Mommy Moment,the exact moment that you KNEW you had evolved from your old self into a Mommy. Was it the moment you conceived? The moment you locked eyes with your newborn? The first time they smiled at you? The first time they called out Mommy and you realized you were the one they were calling out to? The first time you had to stay awake all night checking a sick child’s temperature and didn’t mind? The first time you had to soothe tears and hold your baby so tightly to protect them from the pain of the world? Maybe it was the first time you caught a glimpse of your child’s face and you saw yourself in them? Perhaps, it was the moment that you realized that a world without them would be one in which you would not want to live? Maybe the moment that you realized they hold your entire heart in their tiny little hands? Maybe it was the moment that you had to issue a punishment or say no to them, even though you wanted to just give them everything their heart desired? Was it the moment that you realized that you needed to be there to pick up the pieces when life had let them down? Maybe it was the second that you realized you were capable of murdering any person large or small who directly or indirectly hurt your child, physically, emotionally, on purpose or accidentally?Was it the moment that you realized that seeing the world through their eyes was better than through your own.Possibly the moment that you realized they were your everything and you wouldn’t have it any other way? Or maybe the moment that you realized that  their happiness was more important to you than your own? The moment that you realized how selfless you had become and it didn’t feel like a sacrifice or burden.When did you know in your heart, in your soul, that you were a MOMMY?

    For me, I’ve experienced all the  moments from the previous paragraph and hundreds ( maybe thousands) more in the last 5 years. But how I knew I had really become a Mommy.The realization that I had changed and it was about more than breastfeeding, nap times, yoga pants, ponytails, exhaustion and Mommy brain came when I was out with friends on my birthday last month. I was miles away from my children, for the first time ever.I was having a complete blast being  “me”.I wasn’t obsessing over my girls who were at home with their Grandma, eating chocolate and going to parks, zoos, pretty much anything their hearts desired but they were still with me. Unbeknown to me.But it sneaked out like a silent ninja, that Mommy moment of mine.

    Right there on the dance floor at a hip city club, I was surrounded by enthusiastic dancing 20 something year olds.You know, like who I was before I had children. Everybody was dancing and the music was bumping.I was with my sister and my best friend dancing,  just happy to be out. You know the feeling. It was like someone let the crazies out of the asylum for the night. Then it happened, two girls, probably in their early twenties were enthusiastically jumping around on the dance floor and they kept bumping into me. I ignored them at first, after all, they were only trying to have fun on a super crowded dance floor.They had no idea what a momentous occasion this was for me. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and it happened. I found myself, whipping around, bending down to make eye contact, pointing with my index finger, and using my seriously stern voice to utter these shameful words, “HEY! You girls better be careful. You are going to knock me down and someone’s going to get hurt!”Then I stood straight up and they both, shocked, looked at me and said “Yes, Ma’am!” Then I realized what I had just done. I went Mommy crazy all over their asses. Then I heard them,like my children, giggling behind me. Probably because they couldn’t believe what had just transpired.Had I really just scolded them all Nanny style at Nacional 27 on a Saturday night in the middle of the dance floor. I don’t blame them.As I heard them giggle, it made me chuckle because 10 years prior it would have been a completely different scenario. I would have turned around, pushed them off me and said something more like,”Watch it, Bitch! ” But not tonight, tonight I was a Mommy and I know that it is not something that I do. It is something that I am at my very core, even when my girls are not by my side; they are always with me in my heart, my thoughts, and ( apparently) my actions. Happy Mothering!

  • A few more that you might have missed

    You all had such a great response to the throw backs that no one ever read before last week, that I decided to share a few more of these missed gems!Hope you enjoy!

     

    Playdates; A brief deviation from my sequence

    Four years have passed since the birth of my first child, that means it has been just about 3 years and 3 months ( give or take) since we entered the world of play dates. I know, we were late to the scene. What can I say. Anyways,I digress. So,at that time we had recently relocated to a new part of the country. I, being bound and determined to give my child the best childhood ever ( because that is my quest , you know),signed us up for a couple of the “it” classes that are imperative for children at that age, if they are to become anyone later in life. We go to our classes and I cast my net. I try and gauge from our brief encounters and the public interactions of Mommies with their children, who just might be worthy of our friendship, or at the very least, which other Mommies were on “my” level. I know, it sounds horrible when you say it out loud. Keep in mind, this scenario is very much like freshman year in college. You are scared, alone, new to the area and willing to befriend and accept just about anyone into your “clique”. You’ve got to start a clique so you can be a part of something. So, to recap, we have a need to belong to the best clique (for our children’s benefit, of course) but we are so desperate we end up being play date friends with anyone who’ll have us. That is until we get our bearings and regain our senses. In most cases, the original play date relationship dynamic devolves and eventually ends in a slow, painful death. You see, the original net we cast to catch some play date friends usually has a lot of throw backs.Just like freshman year, we find ourselves floundering to unmake the original friendships because we find that we have absolutely nothing in common, except for our one common denominator, said children. Unfortunately, this is not usually enough to sustain a real friendship but it can foster a false sense of belonging. It seems to be ingrained into our minds that we need to subject ourselves to rejection in order to feel accepted. I don’t know why we do this as people, little lone as Mommies because then we are dragging these poor children into this pit and doing it all under the guise that “this is whats best for my baby”. In our hearts, we mean only good and can never, at its inception, perceive or fathom what twilight zone like situations we may soon find ourselves in! Much more to share about play dates, but we will save that for another day!

    Rantings of a Crazy woman; 1st Pregnancy

    So, that brings us to the gloriousness of pregnancy. Well, for me, pregnancy was pretty glorious. I only gained 18 lbs. with my pregnancies (of course I started out on the chunky side), mild all day sickness with my first, I had an ass for the 1st time in my life (not so bad), boobs got a little bigger, no hemorrhoids, no excess gas, still loved sex, still slept on my belly, no stretch marks (well, one but it disappeared after birth).No craziness. I just basked in the glory of my pregnancy. It was amazing and I devoured all the attention, ate whatever I wanted (that was allowed), was completely engulfed in the whole experience. Read every book (with and to my husband), sharing facts like they were going out of style. Rented a Doppler, sang to my fetus, played music to it, talked to it, swayed it to sleep. Everything about it was amazing. Took every class, drove a little slower, and kept a journal of my pregnancy. No one told me that I should pamper myself, because it was the last time I’d be able to do anything alone, for the rest of my life. Oh, to go to the toilet without a chaperone trying to eat the toothpaste. Those were the days. But, I wouldn’t trade one moment of toothpaste eating tag to pee alone again, if it meant that I didn’t have my daughters. Alone time is over rated anyways, yeah, just like date nights and spontaneous sex, said the jealous, tired Mommy. That was my first pregnancy!

    What really happens the second time around

    Fast forward to two years later, we have a beautiful, now demanding toddler (whom I am completely in love with) who wants all of my time, every waking moment. Who decided long ago that co-sleeping was the thing for her, and is still in our bed, with no end in sight? Not that I mind, it’s comforting to see your child’s cherubesque face in the middle of the night when you awaken to pee for the 7th time because you’re 9 months pregnant. But it makes it hard to bask in the glory of the pregnancy of baby number 2, when baby number 1, is still a baby. Still I only gained 18, ok 20, lbs. But for some reason I seemed a lot bigger. Last time, I didn’t even show until I was 8 months pregnant. Seriously, I was thicker in the waist but at my baby shower (2 months before my daughter was born) people were teasing me that I didn’t look pregnant. And I really didn’t, well, only in my ass So here I am, bigger than before, chasing a toddler who has the energy of a boxer puppy on crack cocaine, and I am absolutely drained. I had all day sickness from hell, for 4 months. I had to wear sea sick bands! I looked pretty ridiculous. No one was quite as impressed the second time around. Don’t get me wrong, we were all ecstatic. We planned for baby #2, and got pregnant right away, it was just different because the time that I used to bask in my procreating glory last time, was now being used to shuttle a 2 year old to classes, play dates, and constantly try and explain/prepare her for her new baby sister. I was obsessed with making baby # 1 not feel left out or abandoned by the pending arrival of baby #2. It was exhausting.

    2 year old Selective Hearing Syndrome and other nuggets of wisdom

    I have began to wonder why none, not one,of the parenting books mentions that around the age of 2 children develop selective hearing.Hearing only the things that they want to hear and specifically those things that you don’t want them to hear such as the occasional stump your toe curse word or the fact that your friend needs to lose a couple pounds. Of course they choose to hold on to these nuggets until the most inappropriate times for instance, said friend’s nervous breakdown over her looks, or they blurt out some unexpected four lettered gem in the middle of mass.Why is this information not labeled with a warning in the parenting books. Is it just another one of those secrets we keep because it is too much fun to watch the provisionals experience the embarrassment and humiliation that we ourselves did, not so long ago?Beware this is quite frequently co morbid with Constant Repeat disorder. In a nutshell, not unlike my child, your child ignores you and repeats anything they say constantly as to make sure that you have not acquired their selective hearing syndrome.My daughter’s favorite repeat phrase is ” M..o..m…m.y…EAT!” It is usually repeated in sets of no less then 7 times. Furthermore, even more concerning then the 2 year old selective hearing syndrome, there is the very common but temporary ( I am hoping) 4 year old complete d
    eafness disease. This is a little more frustrating because the onset is normally around the age of 3 to 3 and 1/2 years of age and continues on to about the age of 6, only to reappear at around age 11.So, that is something to look forward to in the coming years. My daughter’s particular strain of the disease leaves her completely deaf to any and all requests from her father and I, of any kind, especially those requests that pertain to the well being of her little sister, aforementioned victim of selective hearing syndrome. Sometimes it can be quite scary when you are asking, repeatedly, for the child to stop beating on their sibling, sitting on their sibling,annoying their sibling, doing something dangerous, to eat, be quiet or clean or pick up anything and the child simply does not hear your voice in any form. They become completely oblivious to the parent who is making said requests. Sometimes, we are overcome with the desire to shake said child but don’t give in. At the very moment you move towards the child, like a bunny, they scamper and scurry to another room. Leaving you even more frustrated because with 4 year old complete deafness disease, once in another room deafness is absolute and there is no hope for said child to hear anything you will ever say fro the remainder of the day..possibly ever again!

  • It’s all about enjoying the small things

    Yesterday, to put it frankly, was torturous. I was literally at my wits end. Not to be stuck on a topic but kindergarten has really tap danced its way across my sweet little Bella’s nerves. This kid is overwhelmed and emotionally spent every single day. I KNOW this is normal because I have had loads of feedback and complaints of this phenomenon occurring all over the world. Apparently, just 1 more thing those damn parenting books left out is that Kindergarten makes your little one certifiable. After surviving bed time last night all I wanted to do is talk to someone…anyone..particularly the Big Guy. I called him, ranting and raving at the lunacy that I had just endured. In retrospect, I guess I sounded like I was looking for an answer like a heat seeking missile. But I wasn’t. I know the problem, I know that its semi normal. I simply needed my sounding board to bounce things off of..for someone to hear me, especially since , I , suspect, spent the entire day talking to myself. I know this because my girls heard absolutely nothing I had said or they chose to ignore me. I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt and going with they didn’t hear me. But the Big Guy, who is again out of town, felt he needed to give me an answer. I can’t imagine how he feels with me calling out of sorts and him being there. I know he feels guilty but its not his fault. I just needed him to listen. He got frustrated at his own lack of useful suggestions and I became overwhelmed…like “I’m drowning in this craziness” overwhelmed. I became silent. I had to go. I cried..long and hard, alone in my living room with my living room shitting dog staring at me ( probably wondering why I thought I was allowed to have a break down, after all she had things to chew up and shit out. Oh, did I forget to mention that now the dog is mad at me and decided the other day to add insult to injury and tag in with the kids. To do her part, she waited until I had a vomiting migraine, the kids were out of control and then she chose her time; the bitch shit on my floor! Oh yeah, anybody want a slightly used 11 year old boxer? I joke. Or do I?  ). I felt pretty ridiculous because if you have a breakdown and there is no one there to console you or feel guilty, did it really happen? And if so, what was the purpose? Anyways, after I was all cried out, I called the Big Guy out and I told him that all I needed was a sounding board, not a solution and I was rational because I had already had my breakdown with my only witness, that living room shitting dog of mine. I told him( the Big Guy not he LR shitting dog)  that through my monumentally awful shitty day, I had gained some great parenting knowledge. I finally understood why some Mom’s go crazy  and drive their car full of kids off a bridge somewhere. I would never do that; but I so understood how someone could be pushed to the brink of sanity by screaming kids. When they work together they are a powerful force to reckon with. I also now completely understand why some animals eat their young! I heard the Big Guy gasp and sigh at the same time. I hope I didn’t scare him too badly. Or maybe I do.
    Today was a new day. Today, I made a decision that we were not going to have another day like yesterday. I don’t think any of us could mentally survive another one of those days consecutively. I changed my attitude, I changed my reactions, I breathed deeply, and today was so much better than yesterday. I actually felt like we were, before this affliction of kindergarten came through and ravished us all. I got the girls up and had clothes and breakfast ready to go. We made it to school just in time for the bell. I was very laid back. No freaking out about being late. No not me, that wasn’t the bigger picture. It was small.

    When I picked Bella up from school, no arguing. I refused to be sucked into a verbal assault by an overtired 5 year old. She got bored with trying and moved on! One more small victory. We came home to refuel before running any more errands. Normally,we would have just went from school but I knew lunch needed to be provided or I would have tired /hungry meltdowns in PUBLIC! Never a good mix.One more small victory…high five for Mommy! After lunch we hit the library to pick up some movies and books. I was quick. I told them before we even got out of the car, 2 movies and 2 books! They listened! And to make it even better, I found this amazing find for $1!

    How awesome is this? Totally fist bump worthy! We came home and went through the book, admiring the great works of the Louvre. Me and my 3 and 5 year old. This book may or may not have got me on the hook for a trip to the Louvre in the near future. Oh well, much nicer trip than off a bridge, right?LOL
    They were so good, we went to the grocery store and (wait for it) they didn’t even pester me for  one of those God awful ginormous car/cart contraptions that I usually run into everything and everyone in the store.I kept them in line with the promise of some bike riding when we got home. Oh, Thank you God for small mercies. We were in and out, with our handy list, within 45 minutes. By this time, I was getting pretty afraid of what was to come. So we got the hell out of Dodge while the getting was good.
    We got home and I kept my promise.

    I set the timer on my phone and when it was done everyone put their own bikes back into the garage, without incident.Woot Woot! Then  I let them take long bubble baths.I got them dressed and let them watch one of their library movies. I made some sloppy Joes from an awesome recipe I found and some homemade granola while they watched their movie.We enjoyed a semi peaceful dinner ( there as some mutiny when they discovered that I tried to sneak green peppers in on them in the Joes; I removed the peppers and all was remedied). Then teeth were brushed and kids were put to bed. We had a small issue with someone not wanting to go to bed because her Lilo and Stitch movie was “Right at the good part Mommy”. I gave a little and we all survived the day with no crying, no screaming, and no thoughts of the bridge or eating my young. Here’s to tomorrow, may it be even better than today!It really is all about enjoying the small things in life. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go happy dance my ass all the way to bed!Happy Mothering!

  • A Goal, A Hop (or 7) & a little about the TRUTH!

    Good Friday my friends! I am blog hopping like a madwoman. I have a goal of 1000 followers by my Birthday September 25 and I’m only a little over half way there. So, please stay awhile and become a follower:)

    Also, I  wanted to remind everyone that Tuesday I start my Be a Better ME (YOU) Challenge and I hope you can all link up. It will be a month long and we will all feel better for it.I promise!Expect a vlog post on Tuesday!

    Next, I have a badge for all PROUD MOMMY BLOGGERS. If you are a mommy and a blogger, please swipe the bade code from my side bar and wear it proudly on your blog. The goal is to get it out to all Proud Mommy Bloggers. SO pass it on to anyone you think might want it! Happy Mothering, my friends! (more…)

  • Nutrisystem Update Week 16~

    This week was by far one of the worst weeks that I’ve had on my Nutrisystem journey, as well as one of the worst weeks that I’ve had in the month of February. I gained 2 pounds. How did this happen, you ask? To my chagrin, I traveled all last weekend and that created a little hiccup in my diet. I did have meals on hand but we were on the road and I ended up eating out a couple times. Even worse, when I returned home, my back went out. Which meant two things, I was not able to work out. To be honest, I could barely sit upright without wincing. I could NOT walk upright. My back felt like a rubber band pulled to its absolute extreme.I was just waiting for it to pop and snap. It’s done it before and I’ve ended up incapacitated in the praying to Mecca position or flat on my back on the floor. Either scenario not optimal, especially with the Big Guy out of town. I couldn’t even drive the car to get my Bella to school. This was serious business. My sister had to catch a train and come to my rescue, which meant she resumed all my duties while I took my meds to relax my back and keep the insane pain that accompanies such injuries away . It was a real big hot mess around here. While I was in La-la med land, lying flat on my back atop of a heating pad or ice ( depending on the moment you checked in on me) I did not eat appropriately. I didn’t get all my foods in and I wasn’t drinking enough water. The entire week was a wash. It was of no fault of the program, it was me not working the program. But, the back is doing much better and I am pain free,med free, standing upright and drinking my water so I am hopping back on that horse and making it work for me! This weight is coming off, kicking and screaming maybe but it is coming off.

    I am so proud of what I have accomplished so far with Nutrisystem. It is a great feeling to see the scale going down. It’s even more encouraging when the clothes start to bag and droop. This small hiccup does not worry me. Nutrisystem is a fabulous program and I know it works. The key is to keeping within the guidelines of the program. So the lesson here is..if you don’t work out, don’t eat the Nutrisystem foods and veggies, fruits, and dairy that you are supposed to, don’t drink the recommended daily amount of water and simply have the Nutrisystem food sitting in the pantry…don’t expect it to work. But if you are serious and want to lose the weight, get healthy in your own skin and be the best you that you can be…Nutrisystem might be for you! Visit Nutrisystem today or call 888-853-4689. Don’t forget right now, Nutrisytem is at the lowest price it has been since 2003! There is no better time than the present to get started on your journey. Bathing suit season is right around the corner!

     

    DISCLOSURE: Nutrisystem is providing their  program to me free of charge  in exchange for my participation in the Nutrisystem Nation Blogging  Program and weekly updates. I am not required to write a positive  review. The opinions I have expressed in this post are my own. I am  disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16  CFR, Part 255

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