The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Fashion Police, Puh-Lease!
There is nothing quite as sobering as walking around a “fashion” mall after having children. Instantly, I am aware that since having my children, my body has shifted and contorted in ways that no longer allow “fashion” to fit me the way it used to ~ the way it’s supposed to…the way in which it would actually look “fashionable”. No, instead I end up looking like a sausage in an ill fitted casing..in silk bloomers. Let’s just call it what it really is #Fashionfail.
Next, I realize that since having my girls, I don’t actually have any extra money lying around to afford high “fashion”. Hell, I can’t even afford a low fashion makeover. Well, that is NOT entirely true. I can afford it. Or I could, if all my assets were fluid and not tied up in, oh I don’t know, private school tuition, ballet, soccer, headbands, tutus, kids concerts, enough toys to fill my very own Toys R Us, organic food, $8 gallons of milk, doctors, dentists, clothing and shoes for said children.It’s like a gave birth to two of the most adorable little money pits on the face of the earth. I give willingly but at times, like my visit to the “fashion” mall, I am slapped across the face with my sacrifices.
Finally, I try to just give in and let myself visit a place I’ve not been in many years..you know what I’m talking about. That place in your mind where you gingerly ( as if I’ve been able to gingerly do anything since having kids) linger over beautiful clothes, outfitting yourself in your head. Perusing books and art. Fingering the purses and admiring the shine of some audaciously over priced piece of silver jewelry. You know, something oh so Bo-Ho chic.Trying on multiple pairs of lovely shoes in every possible style, color and heel height available. You remember, pull back ..way back, into the recesses of your mind…shopping. Ahhhh, exhale.Isn’t it absolutely fabulous? I used to be that woman who would shop all day long, until I found the perfect ensemble. The perfect piece of jewelry. The perfect heel. I thrived there, between the racks and amongst the other shoppers.So, when I walked into Anthropologie ( already devastated at my state of affairs) you can imagine the deflated feeling that overcame me when the moment I eyeballed something of splendor…my 3 year old began to whine. The Big Guy heavily sighed in aggravation and my 5 year old said, “I want to go someplace else!” Apparently, I am not even allowed the simple courtesy of being able to window shop in peace. They have taken one of my most sacred past times and turned it to shit….in a matter of minutes.
I left thinking, forget the fashion mall, who needs a $300 shirt anyways? Nobody NEEDS it but damn it, what I wouldn’t give to have the option to decide of my own volition if I even wanted to buy the damn thing.On most days, I LOVE my girls so much that I can’t stand it. But after the trip to the “fashion” mall, I can’t decide if I’m excited for them to be teenagers and enjoy “shopping” with me (of course, then I still won’t be able to shop because again I will be buying everything for them) or perhaps, I am excited for them to be excited to shop so that I can return the favor and NOT let them enjoy their shopping experience. Turn about has to be fair play in motherhood, right? I mean, my mom wished on me a child exactly like me and I got two. The least I can do is dole out some karma, right? Isn’t that my Mommy duty?

2011/04/11
Nutrisystem Update~ Week 23
I have been on my Nutrisystem journey for 23 weeks now. It’s felt like a long trek. Of course, I guess nothing worth having is ever easy, is it? After gaining, 1.5 pounds last week, I have lost .5 pound this week. I know I should be really excited and happy that I have lost ….anything. My brain knows this, my body knows this, my heart not so much. I’m not referring to the physical health of my heart. I am referring to my heart that gets discouraged and sad with every movement of the scale. It’s always been this way. Maybe it always will be. All I know is that I feel like losing weight is a really steep uphill battle for me. I’m trying to stay positive but every time I see a commercial or success story, I feel like I should be further along. I feel like this…
Nutrisystem has been amazing. They are supportive and offer so many great recipes and tips. The food is awesome and pre packaged for convenient portion control. The problem is that I’ve been letting life get in the way. I get distracted by life. Running around with the girls, traveling, trying to get this house sold and keeping it clean, running out the door at all times of the day and night to accommodate for showings. Traveling to take the girls to visit my husband. What it comes down to is I’m letting my life run me instead of the other way around. I have to break the cycle of overwhelming chaos. I feel like I’m treading water here. Anybody have any ideas of how to mentally prep myself to stay on task?What do you do to keep yourself from losing sight of your goals? How do you stay the course,when it seems there are constant storms blowing in?
If you are interested in more information about this great plan please feel free to contact Nutrisytem or call 888-853-4689. What do you have to lose? Aside from a few pounds, that is?
DISCLOSURE: Nutrisystem is providing their program to me free of charge in exchange for my participation in the Nutrisystem Nation Blogging Program and weekly updates. I am not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed in this post are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255
2011/04/18
Perfect Parenting is Perfect Bullshit

Perfect Parenting~Perfect Bullshit I know all of us try,to our best capabilities, to be the best parent we can be. We want others to look at us and say “Wow! That Mom really has her shit together!” More importantly, we need to feel that our kids know that we are doing everything right. We want to do our best for them.I know I try my hardest to achieve a certain level of parenting proficiency.I’ve always been a perfectionist,so parenting was also approached with perfection as the ultimate goal. Perfect children? Perfect Mommy? Perfectly simple? Perfectly happy? That was the part that I hadn’t figured out yet.
Here I am, 6 years later with 2 gorgeous daughters who I think are absolutely perfect, to me. I, on the other hand, am not. I’ve been known to lose my temper and yell. I know, shocking right? I’ve found myself at a loss, stranded in a room completely overwhelmed with no direction and these two perfect beings tap dancing an Irish jig all over my very last nerve. These moments make me feel like the most unqualified parent in the world. After all, what kind of mom doesn’t think her kids are sunshine and rainbows all day, every day? Probably more than would like to admit it , that’s who.
Then it hit me.Parenting is not what I am unqualified for. I am unqualified to try and parent by stringent, ridiculous parenting standards. My girls need me to be a Mommy to them.I’m not getting a grade. There’s not some secret Mommy board of directors who is keeping an ever knowing, all seeing big brother eye on my every move to validate whether or not I follow the approved guidelines. It’s the girls, myself and what works for us.
I know there is most certainly others judging me when my 3 year old has a complete meltdown on Sunday nights over which panties she wears and I give in. But they don’t realize that her Daddy has left every single Sunday night for the past year and she has a hard time dealing with it, she is only 3. She’s sad and panties are not the problem,they are a symptom. Missing her daddy is the real issue but looking from the outside. How could you know?
When my 5 year old had such a difficult time at the beginning of the school year because she had no friends and cried about it for weeks, people looked at me like I was a moron for letting her get so worked up about something so inconsequential. What they didn’t know is that we had to relocate last year and she had to leave behind her school and all of her friends half way across the country.And that was the second time in a years time. I let her overreact about the situation this year because she needed to feel her feelings. It was my job to let her feel them, no judgment and try and help her move through them.She’s thriving now but anyone looking from the outside looking in would have thought I was raising drama queens.

The day that I popped off at the girls for asking me to go to the park for the 37th time and my friend looked at me like I was monster, it hurt and was an embarrassing moment in my Mommy history. What she didn’t know was that it was the 37th time they had asked, I had already told them no because they were misbehaving and they had been at that park yesterday for 2 hours.Not to mention, I parent alone 5 days a week and if you’ve never had to do this you can’t understand how difficult it really is.No one knows these things if they are not told.
Bottom line, my job is to be a good parent to my girls. For me, being a good parent means loving my girls unconditionally, supporting them in their endeavors, raising them with values and manners and doing my best to let them know the real me. I want them to look back on their childhood and know “My parents loved me”, they nourished my soul, my mind and my body. I don’t want to hide the real me from them.I don’t want them to hide who they are from me. There is no such thing as perfect parenting, that is perfect nonsense. We need to strive for parenting in a way that is perfect for our own children, whatever that may be.
What is your perfect parenting style? What parenting “guideline” do you feel is completely obsolete in your parenting world? What parenting technique would you never use? Which parenting technique would you be lost without?
2011/04/26
My TRUTH about Motherhood
Today is the last day of my month long celebration of my 2nd Blog anniversary ( And MY 600th post in 2 years) and I wanted to share Truthful Mommy Tells All~ My TRUTH about Motherhood. I also want to thank all of my fabulously talented and honest friends who shared their truth with my readers. You are my village and you all help me through this journey of motherhood with our conversations. I hope that sharing my TRUTH over these past two years has been a source of comfort and commiseration for you to know that you are not alone in this roller coaster of uncertainty that we call parenting. My truth is something that I have been learning slowly over the past 6 years and even more so since I have joined the blogging community. I don’t think I can contain it all in a single post but I will share some of it here. Again, thank YOU for joining the conversation and trusting me enough to share your experiences with the TRUTH about Motherhood community.
My TRUTH about Motherhood; My Sunshine
- No Mommy is an island. Sometimes, it may feel like you are stranded alone and desperate on an island all by yourself with the crazy little natives but you are never alone. All you have to do is reach out and there you will find the sisterhood that will rescue you from the solitude and the drowning days. Make no mistake, that life preserver can come in the form of family, a friend,your husband, the next door neighbor,the lady sitting across from you at ballet rehearsal, a mommy of one of your children’s friends, a doctor, someone you’ve met online or through your blog, or a complete stranger. We only have to be open to seeing the preserver, which usually comes in the form of a honest conversation.
My TRUTH about Motherhood, my Heart
- It really does take a village to raise a child. I have not lived close to family since having my children so I have had to be dependent on a small but mighty group of women who I am blessed to call my sisters. It only works if you can be honest though. Our tight knit friendships were forged through pain and honesty. The first step is acceptance. We had to accept that we are not perfect and everyone needs a shoulder to cry on, a hand to help up and an ear to listen during the tough times as well as a friend to truly enjoy the happy times.
- Children really do change everything. From the moment you are aware of their existence, they change you from the physicality of your body,what you eat, drink, your lifestyle, your finances, your perspective of the world, your job, your beliefs,your hopes and dreams even the very way that you move through the world.One thing I can guarantee you that you will experience when you have your baby, everything else that you ever held in esteem will become a distant second.
- You will love your children more than you have ever loved anything in the entire world. (maybe not at first and certainly you may not like them at times(especially the hormonal teen years) but you will come to love them always.)You will realize that you have forgotten most of your life before they came into it. You will realize that you are capable of being a selfless person, no matter how selfish you may have been beforehand.You will make sacrifices that you would have never in your entire life thought yourself capable of. Children test our character and stretch our hearts above and beyond capacity.
- You will cry at the thought of them growing up and leaving, no matter how absolutely crazy they may drive you when they are screaming, fighting, tantruming, biting their siblings,asking you the same question 7000 times,or staying up all night with colic. No matter how hard they may make life in the moment, there is nothing greater than tiny arms wrapped around your neck telling you how much they love you….looking at you like a fat kid looks at cake.There is no greater love than that experienced between a parent and a child.
- They make us better people.You will become a better version of yourself. Oh there will be days of complete doubt and feelings of incompetency and guilt. The guilt is almost too much to bear on some days. The guilt is the growing pains of motherhood. It is us metamorphosing into our better self. As we strive to be better people for our littles, we begin to experience regret for some of our actions. This is where we must forgive ourselves. No one is perfect. Some days we growl and roar and some days we cry and other days we do every single thing right and its the BEST DAY EVER but through every single minute of it…we love so big that our hearts are about to burst.This is love.
- Naps are as important to Mommies as food and water are to the rest of the population. Naps for the kids so you can have alone time.Time to decompress, think and regroup…to hang on to that last thread of your sanity. Naps for you because Mommies need sleep. Repeat after me…MOMMIES NEED SLEEP. This is so you can function at human capacity, be a better Mommy and feel better about yourself.Start this routine before the baby is born. If you are tired, take a nap!
- Motherhood is misery peppered with moments of complete bliss.It’s a lot of hard work with no downtime ( and really crappy pay) and anyone who says otherwise is a liar. But the moments of joy, all those moments that overwhelm and eradicate the minutia , they are so big that they fill our hearts like a camels humps and we can live on the joyous moments through the guilt and the self sacrifice and even the tantruming, nothing’s going right..I’m still in my yoga pants from yesterday and my hairs not been washed in a week days. The bliss is ethereal. The misery is relevant. One days misery is another days joy. Embrace it all, every single moment of it because it is fleeting.
- You will never again think in terms of “Me” and “I”, it will forevermore be “We” and “Us”. It’s not enough that I have become this self-sacrificing, put them ahead of my every want and need, person. Now, when I walk through the stores..even when they are not with me physically, I say “Excuse us”” we would like…”. I get the strangest looks. Because even though they are not by my side, they have taken up permanent residence in my heart and I am sure they will remain there throughout my time on earth( I wouldn’t have it any other way). I have finally began to emerge from my Mommy coma and remember who I am and what I wanted before they came into my life. But my perspective has changed, all that was SO important to me before is not that important to me now. Things that were completely unimportant are now vital. I have changed. I am constantly evolving.I am realizing that as they grow and need me less, I can claim a little more of my time and thought for myself but they still permeate the very core of all that I do.For example, I write this blog because writing is a passion of mine, always has been. But I write about my life as a Mother, which is directly influenced by them. See how that works:) I guess I can look at it as I have the best of both worlds.It just took me a little while to learn how to exist with a foot in each world without losing my balance and toppling.
- Motherhood is the most humbling, amazing, insanity inducing experience that one can ever endure with a smile on their face and come out the other end feeling like not only did you survive but you changed the world. When I first thought of becoming a mother, I thought of holding a tiny new baby in my arms and loving it more than anything ever before or since. That I was spot on about. But I never could have imagined the ways in which motherhood has tested me physically, emotionally, mentally, intellectually, and spiritually. It has rocked my very soul. I have been pulled and pushed and stomped and scratched and beaten by motherhood only to emerge, stronger than I EVER thought I was capable of being. Motherhood has taught me that life is unexpected and in the experiencing is the living. We can not plan, organize, chart or will what life will bring to us when we have children. We are at the mercy of our all encompassing mother’s heart. I have been brought to tears by my child’s bravery, a tiny needle in an even tinier vein on my baby’s hand brought me to my knees, jaundice almost sent me into a tailspin, breastfeeding broke my heart, cartoons have made me cry, I have a phobia of raisins because one almost stole my daughter from me. I have gained superhero powers when the moment called for it. I have turned into a mother bear, tiger, and even a helicopter on occasion.I have become pliable where I used to be cut and dry. I have learned that I can bend and twist and stretch and pull and push but I will not break. I have learned that poop can be consumed in small amounts and not kill you. I have learned that pennies can be swallowed an come out the other end. I have learned that pearls, fuscilli, and popcorn kernels all fit perfectly up a child’s nose. I’ve learned that when a phone is in a grown ups hand a child will begin to talk incessantly. I’ve learned that when little people talk, they have a lot to say. I’ve also learned that they are a lot smarter and wiser than we give them credit for being.I’ve learned that when they are hurt or their heart is broken, my heart feels the pain..ten fold. I have learned that I would stop a bullet with my face if it meant keeping my child out of harms way. I’ve learned that if someone rear ends my car with my girls inside, they run the risk of a crazy whip-lashed lady jumping out of the car and attacking them. I’ve learned this and so much more that I’d need to write a book to share it all. But most of all,I’ve learned that MY world is a better place with my girls in it for me to love.
My TRUTH about Motherhood, My Life
- Motherhood is hard work.If anyone tells you any different, they are a liar. It is the hardest job that you will ever love. But there are moments when you won’t love it so much.That’s OK. That’s normal.If you loved every single second of every single day of Motherhood, we’d have to assume that you were on a high dose of prescription drugs or Mommy juice and that’s perfectly acceptable at times too. Just always remember, if you love your child unconditionally, do the best you can to teach them to be good people, and keep them healthy and out of harms way…YOU ARE THE BEST MOMMY EVER! (I know this because my girls tell me this daily, between the I hate yous and I love yous!)
P.S. This post originally went live on May 31, 2011 but I needed the reminder of all these things today. It’s a year and a half later and it’s still all relevant. I am guest posting at my friend, Gigi’s today talking about my early onset holiday burnout. She has a wonderful series called Around the Bonfire and asked me to join in. I am honored. Hope you will check it out.
I shared my TRUTH about Motherhood, what is yours?
2012/11/28
Throat Punch Thursday~Abortion Billboard Edition
Today’s Throat Punch Thursday~Abortion Billboard Edition goes to the 35 year old Greg Fultz,a New Mexico man who said he was upset that his ex-girlfriend had an abortion bought a highway billboard on which he accused her of killing their baby.

First of all, have you seen this man?What a freak. I imagine he is so upset because that may have been his one and only chance of ever being a father. Seriously, how many rufies were needed for him to get anyone with a vagina into bed?
I can only assume that she came to her senses and decided that it would be a disservice to bring the offspring of this monstrous asshole into the world.
Fultz’s ex-girlfriend calls the billboard harassment and invasion of privacy, and has taken him to court under the New Mexico Family Violence Protection Act. But Fultz says he’s exercising his First Amendment rights, said his attorney, Todd Holmes. Harassment? That’s an understatement,if I’ve ever heard one.Thank God he didn’t put her name on it, as well.
“Citizens have the right to express their speech through any media and he chose a billboard,” Holmes told Reuters on Tuesday. “We feel a billboard fits within the First Amendment even if it’s offensive to some.” Offensive to some? He offends me about as bad as those awful anti-abortion bumper stickers and right to life billboards with the photos of dismembered baby bodies. As if I want to explain these sorts of billboards to my children!!!!
A petition filed by Fultz’ ex-girlfriend said that Fultz had a pattern of stalking and harassment, including posting “intimate cyber shots of me from one of our cyber dates,” she wrote. The domestic abuse petition also requested that the billboard be removed and online harassment stopped. This doesn’t surprise me in the least. A creepy ass, ugly pedophile resorts to stalking a female. He seems the sort who would get his hooks into a woman, by any means possible ( including putting her in a hole and withholding food) and then never let go.Can you say,Fatal attraction?
In a hearing last week, a judge ordered the billboard to come down by mid-June. Holmes said he plans to file a motion to keep the billboard up, but he said his client is ready to face prison if necessary.
“That’s how passionately he feels about protecting his free speech,” Holmes said.No,I’m pretty sure he’s just a really vindictive asshat.
According to Holmes, when Fultz and his girlfriend, who was then 18, found out they were going to have a baby, she wanted to get married. Fultz refused, Holmes said, and during a church camping trip there was a “discussion about an ultimatum. Either you marry me or I’m not going to have this baby type of thing.” So, he’s 35? She’s 18. By some mishap, he actually met a ~~woman~~ child who was willing to have sex with him, she got pregnant and HE REFUSED TO MARRY HER??? I’m baffled.Perplexed. Befuddled,even.

The girlfriend later flew to Wisconsin for work and when she returned she was no longer pregnant, Holmes said. She did not explain what happened, but Fultz suspected she had an abortion, Holmes said. He only suspected? He has no actual proof and he is slandering her on a billboard and now nationally , thanks to the media.
“I know it’s her body,” Holmes said. “But his statement is more along the lines of ‘Hey, you know what? Dads have a decision in the process too.” Sure, especially Dads who are involved in the relationship. Father’s who are married to the mothers. What did he think, he was like some prized stud siring a baby with no strings attached?
New Mexico’s Right to Life Committee initially endorsed the billboard, but has withdrawn its support because it received a number of emails from people who said Fultz’ ex-girlfriend had a miscarriage, not an abortion, said executive director Dauneen Dolce. Maybe she had a miscarriage? He has not even checked his facts. Can you imagine if she did have a miscarriage and he is harassing her like this? What a piece of work!
To you Mr. Fultz and your offensive billboard I bestow the super Chuck Norris infused round house kick to the neck. I hope it knocks the glasses and mullet right off of you. You , sir, are of the lowest denomination of mankind…even lower than Weiner!

2011/06/09
Father’s Day a Baby Changes Everything
Today is Father’s Day and I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge two of the most important men in my life; my father who gave me life and my husband, who gave me new life as a mother. These two men have and will always have a place with me, I carry their heart in my heart.
Father’s Day~A Baby Changes Everything
Papi,
You have always been strong in mind, body and soul. When I was a child I ran to your strong arms to protect me from the world. Your chest was where I laid my weary toddler head for consolation from a frightening night terror. When I was a teenager, you spoke to me your words of wisdom about life but I was too young to fully comprehend the weight of the mysteries of the world that you were sharing. You are not often seen as vulnerable, but on my wedding day you wept with tears of joy and loss and I understand that now. Now that I am a woman with children of my own, your wisdom is not wasted. I crave the answers that you can give. I watch you silent in prayer, the way you still quietly approach my mother and caress the arch of her back, or the way that you play with my children with the verve and enthusiasm of a 20-year-old and I am breathless. You truly love them as much as I love them and that makes me love you even more. I am so proud to be your daughter and to continue to know you as a person and a friend.There is so much that we never know about our parents, as people (aside from just being our parent), and I cherish every secret and childhood memory that you share with me.Every glimpse of my father, the man, helps me to appreciate who you are and why you are the way you are in the world. Thank you for always loving me, even when we didn’t understand one another or agree. I love you, Papi.

My Dad & my girls & my nephew
Big Guy,
What can I say to the man who made me a mother? You changed my life forever. You are truly everything, I never knew, I always wanted in this world. You came into my life and redefined my expectations. The moment you held our daughters in your arms I saw you fall deeply in love and in doing so, I fell deeper in love with you than I ever imagined was possible. Thank you for the unconditional love that you always show our daughters( and me).The unwavering awe in which you embrace who they are and who they are becoming. Thank you for your patience and understanding even when you don’t understand fully why it is needed. Thank you for being the strong example by which our daughters will measure all men. Thank you for being my partner in parenting and not just a bystander.I love you more than I can describe and I am so happy to be on this journey of parenthood with you. No one else would ever suffice for me or the girls. All my love.
My Girls and The Big Guy; my loves in life
Father’s Day~A Baby Changes Everything
Wishing a Happiest of Father’s Day to all the men who love their children with a verve and enthusiasm! May you continue to raise daughters and sons who appreciate your worth and experience your unwavering unconditional love.
2011/06/19
Bully For You!
Bully~ bul·ly/ˈbo͝olē/ ( according to Merriam-Webster)
Noun: A person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.
Verb: Use superior strength (in size or numbers) or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
Bully, YOU SUCK!
I’ve written about this before. I may have not have had the misfortune of being the victim of a bully, but I know many people who have. My daughter was bullied by someone who was once her friend. This only makes me despise bullying and those who bully even more so. It saddens me when I see children and teens doing it. I instantly turn into a bit of a mama bear. I always root for the underdog. But when it is adults perpetrating this heinous behaviour, Mommies even, I am completely sickened. Bullying is a foreign concept to me. I think it is the work of those who are weak of mind, body and soul. They use bullying and demeaning others as a vehicle to mask their own insecurities and shortcomings. Those who are secure in their place in the world, who they are and their talents don’t waste time degrading and berating others. Why? That is a weak person’s way of dealing with what they obviously can not handle in their own life. They strike out at those who they are envious or threatened by.
Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones, But a Bully can kiss my …
When I see children bullying one another, I blame the parents. When I see parents bullying their children, I see them for the weak, unhinged person they are ( this is by far the worst kind of bully there is in my book). When I see a grown woman snubbing another woman, the very person she should be finding sisterhood and support in, as sport or for entertainment…I want to smack some sense into her. I know we all have our opinions. I know not all people are one another’s cup of tea. I even understand envy. Do adults really need to behave like unparented children and make fun or shut out another person? I won’t allow my children to do it. I don’t do it. I won’t tolerate it. If I see you being unkind, unjust and just plain mean to someone, chances are that I will call you on your bullshit. You won’t hurt my feelings or make me cry ( as I’ve heard done to others that are too kind and gracious to reciprocate) but I can’t guarantee that I will walk away either. You mean girls have ruined a good time for the good girls for way too long. I’m sorry your daddy didn’t love you. I’m sorry you were picked on as a child. I’m sorry that you have nothing else going for you but to be ridiculously superficial and arrogant. I’m sorry that you have started to believe all the smoke being blown up your ass by your minions. I’m sorry that you don’t have a personality and had to claw people’s eyes out to get them to notice you. I am sorry for all of this. I really , truly am sorry that you have such low self esteem that you need to make others feel small to make yourself feel big. But make no mistake, we are on to you.We know that you are a sad little clown that has no self confidence . How about a hug? Will that help?
I expect missteps in the behavior of children. They are still learning. It is our responsibility to show them the right way. We need to teach our children respect of individuality, tolerance of difference and love of self. But we have to be the example. Our children mimic our thoughts, words and actions. They see everything. By perpetuating bad behavior, eventually we will be the change that we don’t want to see in the world. How will you feel when your child bullies another child because they emulated Mommy’s behavior? Or worse, how will you feel when your child becomes the victim of a bully? You are not the only one out there. There is always one bigger and meaner waiting to inflict their torture. I guess the best way to go through life is to ask yourself, would I want someone to behave this way towards my child? I think you will find that inside you resides a Mama Bear too. Let’s stop this behavior and act like adults.
Bully Be Gone
2011/08/24
Leaving on a Jet Plane~ Boston Bound
Leaving On a Jet Plane
Leaving on a Jet Plane~ This is the sort of Sunday that I thought our family was done with forever. The Big Guy has a business trip this week. It’s only for 3 days and that’s infinitely better than the commuter marriage we were dealing with the last couple of years. Nonetheless, the bitter sting of the past 2 years lingers around us like slow rising fog. We are cloaked and covered in it’s residue of pain. The girls are just coming to terms with their abandonment issues and we are all just getting used to the fact that we are together and nobody is leaving. When the Big Guy told the girls at bedtime tonight that he would be leaving for Boston in the morning for a few days, it quickly became evident just how open the wound still is.
Please No More Leaving,Daddy
Abbi immediately started hyperventilating crying and leopard spotting when she realized he was leaving . The Big Guy tried to console her, as his own heart took some painful cuts. Concurrently, Ella is standing there in stoic, quiet solitude as her lip quivered and her eyes fill with tears at the thought of yet another goodbye. I wanted, so badly, to reach out to them ( all three of them) and reassure them that this is just a business trip but for my girls, there is no such thing as JUST a short business trip. In the end, every time he leaves now…it is him leaving us. They’ve spent too many Sunday’s saying goodbye at their tender ages and it has taken it’s toll. Tonight, the Big Guy laid down to read stories as they gathered around and nestled into him. The three of them fell asleep in a blissful dreamy blur. One of the most beautiful things a Mom can ever see is the man she loves loving their children so completely. We had planned to spend the night together, he and I, snuggled close. Sometimes the cologne on his body transfers itself to my nightgown, such a small thing but a luxury when you are so used to someone leaving. Tonight my simple sacrifice will go a long way in our daughters’ hearts. These are the moments they will look back on and remember, the small gestures of us loving them. I love the way my Big Guy loves our littles and in his loving them, I love him more than I ever thought was possible. I hope the next three days are the fastest we’ve ever experienced. Absence, in small doses, makes the hearts grow fonder and the return home that much more sweet.
Leaving is Just Returning to Someplace Else
2011/09/18
Things I Wish I Knew before becoming a Mommy
Things I wish I knew before becoming a Mommy ~ As I continue to grow older with each passing year, I gain wisdom. Wisdom that I wish I could text to my younger, hotter, thinner, dumber and less appreciative self. I wish I could have honestly told my Pre Mommy self how hard being a hands on, in the trenches Mommy would be and also how absolutely heart filling, soul lifting and empowering it could also be. Here are a few things every woman should know before becoming a Mommy.

Being a Mommy Changes Everything
- If you have a luxury item that you just have to have… a snazzy pair of Louboutins, a Berkin or that hot new Burberry coat…GET IT NOW! That extra money in your pocket, is never “extra”. Soon you will have to save it. You WILL need it!
- Sleep is the most important thing in your world. Nap, often. Sleep in. Cuddle your partner. Sleep sideways. Linger in bed doing the crossword as the birds sing on a Sunday morning.
- Enjoy the silence. Quiet will never be so quiet again. Just be. Still. Silent. Look at the sky and imagine all the endless possibilities of the world.
- You are never going to look this good again…EVER. Never. Run naked through the streets. Stay naked. Jump on trampolines. Show your belly. Show off that derriere. Appreciate the ebb and flow of that body. You are more gorgeous than you can appreciate right now.
- There is no such thing as perfect Mommy or even a perfect person. It doesn’t exist. Don’t even look for it. Don’t try to reach it. Just be the best version of you.The one that makes you proud to be alive and happy with your place in the world.
- Pamper yourself. Get your hair cut, dyed, highlighted. Style your hair. Go for a massage. Pedicure. Manicure. Get that facial hair waxed and those eyebrows threaded. Put on make up. Be beautiful.Feel beautiful. You are beautiful!
Being a Good Mommy is hard work
- Enjoy your food. Eat it slowly. Chew it. Enjoy it while it is still hot.Try new things. Savor the flavor and texture of everything that enters into your mouth.Soon your Mommy fare will be shared, luke warm food, usually leftover on a child’s plate.
- Try everything. Have no fear. Live your life with no regrets. No one ever died wishing they had tried less or worked more.
- Love like your heart has NEVER been broken.Dance like no one is watching. Sing at the top of your lungs.Live out loud!
- Enjoy your solitude. You will NEVER be alone again. Take long baths. Read books.Turn the radio up as loud as you like. Watch rated R movies. Go shopping.
- Enjoy your partner. Go on dates. Whisper sweet nothings. Linger in one another’s arms. Hold hands.Kiss long and often.Look into their eyes. Don’t rush anything. Abide within the moment together.
- Be prepared to love someone more than you EVER though possible. Be prepared to love someone so much that it hurts. Take the love that you have for the person that you currently love most in the world, double it and then multiply that by infinity…that’s how much a Mommy loves her baby.
Mommy; the hardest job you’ll ever Love
*I originally published this piece on Moonfrye back in October but I am super sick today and I’m sure many of you did not get the chance to read it.I think every woman needs to know these things before they become a Mommy.

Photo Credit
2012/01/25
Sick Daddy Walking
Sick Daddy Walking.Really does that even exist? Seriously, when I get sick the world keeps on moving on.Asses need wiped, BooBoos kissed, Dinner made. Lunches packed, Laundry folded.Children chauffeured, dressed, bathed, coddled and loved. The show must go on.(PERIOD)
But when the Big Guy, or any man for that matter, is sick,the world comes to a screeching halt.Full on, falls to the ground, assumes the fetal position and can NOT move.Sniffles are sure to be whooping cough. Diarrhea must be cholera or dysentery. A fever, oh shit,he’s pretty sure its the bubonic plague.Vomiting must be fatal food poisoning.No matter the ailment,the end result is the same. They are dying and you must sit by their bedside and nurse their body while stroking their, (ehem) ego!
My husband and I have had the exact same virus, simultaneously and I had to get up and take care of the kids as he whimpered from the other bedroom ( because apparently when he’s sick he needs to be alone in another room to get his rest…really,novel idea. Can I borrow it sometime?I need some sleep too!)”What do you want me to do ( cough ,cough)?You shouldn’t have to do it all by yourself,( cough, sneeze, sniffle..repeat)but if you’re getting up,I think Gabs needs to be wiped!” Commence eye rolling on my part.
Have I told you about the time I had the stomach flu so badly that I vomited for 9 hours straight,every half hour on the half hour? Well, I did and guess what happened on the 9th hour?I finally felt well enough to walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water for my dehydrated self ( it was about midnight)when my then 4 year old walks out of her bedroom, we meet in the hallway, and she proceeds to say “Mommy, I don’t feel so…BLEH>>>>” all over my feet.As I was cleaning her up and trying to clean up the hallway and …my feet, the Big Guy walks out, only to say, “You Ok?” I say yes (yes, in the vomit was not acid like and had not burned off any of my skin or limbs. But not yes as in, I’m OK, life is dandy with vomit on my toes)and try to explain what had happened…to his back as he was headed back to bed.Guess what I got to do that night, after a long day of puking? You guessed it, I got to stay up all night with a sick daughter who kept puking.What did the Big Guy get to do? SLEEP!But if the tables had been flipped, you can bet your ass that I would have had to stay up and hold the barf bucket, wipe vomit off of faces, and soothe all general ill physical pains and emotions.
Just wondering if this happens at your house too? I love my Big Guy but there is something about a man sized baby that makes me want to gouge his eyes out.I just don’t understand why they get to be all baby like and get pampered and stroked and we have to soldier on. I’m not a soldier, nor have I ever been, and I don’t want to soldier on.When I’m sick, I want to receive the same care and attention the Big Guy and the kids expect from me.I want to be allowed the simple luxury of lying around in my jammies, sipping hot tea, while the world soldier’s on without me. For now,( cough, cough, sniff, sniff, and a trifecta of sneezes)I will soldier on!
2010/11/04