This week I left the frigid below zero temperatures of the Midwest bound for LA and 70 degree weather to attend the #WeAllGrow Summit for Latinas. To say that I’m excited is a gross understatement. I’ve been doing all the usual fun conference stuff like obsessing over what to wear (in LA since I’ve never been), scheduling a little pampering for myself (so I don’t frighten any other bloggers away) and trying to schedule in face time with some of my favorite bloggers.
I’ve been badgering all of my LA friends about what I should wear because I don’t want to get laughed or pointed at and was told by my friend Jessica that I could wear sandals in February but my pedicure better be on point. I live in the Midwest; so obviously, my pedicure is not on point. Not even close. My feet have been hiding inside of fur-lined boots, my skin has been buried under layers of clothing and my entire beauty regime consists of mostly bathing, brushing my teeth and moisturizing. I’m not setting foot in California in this state, lest the pointing begin.
I’m dying the grays, waxing all the hair and undoubtedly getting my pedicure and manicure. I tried to schedule in a massage too but between deadlines and life, I just ran out of time. While a massage would have been perfect for relaxing my mind before a long day of flying and a week of intense networking, it just wasn’t meant to be. Next time, I’d really like to try a thai yoga massage.
I can imagine the smell of lavender oils and the ambient lighting filling the room. The scent of lavender always reminds me of a relaxing spa day. It’s one of those luxuries that we moms are not often afforded. I’m like Pavlov’s dogs in that way; I smell lavender, I instantly relax and associate the situation with luxurious pampering.
So imagine my surprise when I received a large box of Angel Soft toilet paper, lavender scented. Yes, it smells so good. My entire bathroom smells like a spa. I know it’s just toilet paper, but isn’t it the little things that make life special. In case you are wondering (because I was), no it’s not purple. It’s the same Angel soft toilet paper that it’s always been, only it smells fantastic and you’ll feel like you are pampering yourself every time you use it.
If you are interested in learning more or winning a year’s supply for yourself, you should totally RSVP for the Twitter party.
#LlevalaSuave Bilingual Twitter Party with @AngelSoftLatino
Date: Thursday, March 5, 2015, 5pm PST / 8pm EST
Where: On Twitter with the hashtag #LlevalaSuave
You can use this link for easy access starting now: https://twubs.com/LlevalaSuave
What were you thinking running the article about Motherlode columnist, Amy Klein’s fertility issues, titledShould We Be Sympathetic to a 42-Year-Old’s Fertility Struggles?May I ask, were all the editors on vacation? Was there a hiatus on good judgment and common decency? Seriously, wtf were you thinking? Normally, I am a fan of Babble. Many of my friends write there and generally it’s very PG and non-threatening, a great resource for parents, but this particular post was deplorable. I know from her bio that the author is a comedienne but this shit was not funny.at.all!
And in answer to your “question” …Yeah, Hell Yeah! You should feel sympathetic to anyone’s fertility issues because it’s a problem for the person who has it whether she is 25 or 45. Just like you should feel sympathy and compassion for a rape victim, no matter what she was wearing, how drunk she was or who she was dry humping the night she was raped. The same reason you feel compassion for patients with cancer, whether they smoked every day of their life, drank themselves into oblivion or played with radiation!
You are sympathetic because you are human and you have compassion to people’s struggles. You are sympathetic because you have not lived in their shoes and don’t know their story. You are sympathetic because you shouldn’t kick a person when they are down. You are sympathetic because you don’t want to be the mean kid on the playground; the bullying asshole that everyone else hates. But, instead, you chose to let one of your writers pen a condescending post on her thoughts on fertility issues, from her fertile high horse. Nice move; not very Disney of you, at all.
“These are the days of ugly emotions. Infertility hijacks your schedule, damages your relationship with your spouse and unleashes in you terrible jealousy of other women, women who conceive easily, without thought, without drugs, without dozens of days lost to medical intervention. Women whose biggest problems are swollen feet.”
Those seem like fighting words coming from a 42-year-old woman trying to get pregnant for the first time, I thought. Surely this woman must understand that at her age fertility problems are to be expected when trying to conceive for the first time. How could she be so angry? Didn’t she see this coming?
Moreover, like so many people do when confronted with this sort of thing, I thought, ”Are we really supposed to feel sorry for a 42-year-old woman who is doing IVF when she could just adopt?”
My head nearly exploded when I read the above part of the article. Let’s be honest, I know all about link bait and controversy. In fact, I am no stranger to controversy and I know I piss people off with my strong opinions on everything from gun control to breastfeeding but I would never make fun of a person who is physically unable to do something like breastfeeding, I don’t poke fun at the mentally ill and I certainly would never interview a mother of a child who found her gun and shot himself and ridicule her because I have one thing that this article lacks; human decency.
The article began dripping of judgment and condescension, on a parenting website. This should be a safe place for moms, not a place to be shamed and ridiculed. Then the author said she was going to give the woman the benefit of an interview, for context and understanding, only the entire interview read like this; ( paraphrased; these are not direct quotes ) To be fair: I do not know this writer or her story or her issues, I am only responding to how the piece was written. She may be perfectly lovely and may have just been having an off day but this is how I felt the piece came off and many of my FB followers agree.
Amy Klein (Interviewee) : Explanation, explanation, and explanation
Author at Babble: (dripping with condescension) You should have tried to get pregnant earlier.
Author at Babble: Why don’t you adopt?
Author: I married young because I knew I wanted to get married and I wanted to have a family. In marrying so young, I made a choice that didn’t work out and I’m now divorced, but I have a beautiful daughter. It seems that often women are cornered in these ways: wait to find someone you feel truly compatible with and enter a marriage you feel as certain as possible will last but then deal with potential fertility issues, or marry young and take your chances when you’re still quite fertile. Not that it’s always an either/or situation, but still. Based on the way things have played out for you, what advice would you give to younger women when it comes to love/marriage/babies? I mentioned on Facebook a while back that women should take the time they need to try to find a truly healthy love relationship, but that if they don’t find a great partner by their mid-30′s, they should just have a baby alone.
Author at Babble: That’s why I had my baby when I was young and fertile. I am divorced now, but I have my kid. Maybe you should have thought about all of this 20 years ago…when you were still fertile.
Amy Klein (exhausted and demeaned): Goes Home.
Please, Please, Please editors, read posts before they go live. Babble, I expected more from you. We all do. This post has left a bad taste in my mouth for Babble and I am sure it has for other readers, as well. Try a little human kindness when addressing the issue of fertility.
It’s Friday and I have been meeting a lot of new up and coming bloggers and it got me to thinking, I really wish someone would have written me a how to guide when I first started. Not on just the mechanics of how to blog but who to know and who to follow and who’s fun and what not; where to find good paid opportunities and places to write for and how to pitch. I had NO idea how to pitch a piece. (more…)
Disclosure: This is a compensated collaboration with Hefty® but all opinions are my own.
Where there is a will, there is always a way. This is the one life lesson my mom taught me that has always stuck with me. In fact, it plays on a loop in my brain in the background of every single thing I do. I don’t quit, as a rule.
I remember this saying so specifically because not only did my mom tell me these words every day of my childhood, she said it to me from a place of desperation. She was living in a metaphorical hole but she loved me so much that she made a point of telling me that I could do/be anything. Imagine if you will a mom in a deep hole with her small children, sacrificing every ounce of strength and hope she had for herself to push her children to the surface. That was my mom.
She may not have a wall full of degrees, millions of dollars in the bank, a big house or have traveled the world, but she was, and still is, a simple and humble woman with a big heart filled with love, even if she had nothing else to give. She went without so that we could have what we needed. Sometimes it felt like we had nothing too but we did, because we always knew we had our mom. So no matter how bleak things might have looked throughout my childhood, I knew I had unconditional love and that meant something.
She also told me that chasing my dreams was going to be hard but it would be worth it to catch them and live on my own terms. The gratification of accomplishing the goals I would set for myself could carry me through my hardest times and she was right. This is what I try to teach my girls.
The circumstances are quite a bit different though. Whereas I saw my mother had nothing, my girls see where my hard work has paid off. They don’t see the close to the poverty line, blue-collar hole I was pushed out of to get to where I am. They haven’t felt the ramifications of the hard work or seen everything that goes on behind the scenes. I’ve protected them from feeling that. I shouldn’t have.
Recently, I made a point of taking advantage of a teachable moment and explaining to my girls that the blisters in life are what give us the calluses to make it through the tough times. I reiterated what I have always known and what I’ve always told them, “where there is a will, there is always a way.” The only difference was that, in that particular moment, there was a situation affecting them that could make the words tangible. It gave them weight and purpose and finally, they became more than words; they became fact. In that moment, we all became stronger.
Hefty® is celebrating all the strong moms out there. The ones who stay up late forgoing their own sleep for the colicky baby who needs a little extra attention, the ones who make the tough decisions and sacrifices so that their children know they always have their backs, the moms who give all their love and attention to their family even when they are too tired to shave their own legs. We are strong and fierce in our resilience. We are ultra-strong and Hefty® honors that. Game recognizes game.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fKDlMGeZJM
I love this ad with WWE superstar, John Cena, and his mom, Carol Cena, because they remind us that Hefty® has the best bags ever at a lower price than the competition, but they also remind us that moms are strong, Hefty® Ultra Strong™.
Did you know that Hefty® Ultra Strong™ trash bags feature ARM & HAMMER™ patented odor neutralizer, which is awesome because no one wants garbage that’s stinky.stinky.stinky. Thank goodness for all those fresh scents that they come in. I’m partial to Clean Burst.
Hefty® Ultra Strong™ trash bags also have active tear resistant technology for better puncture-resistance, which I love because there is nothing worse than pulling the bag out of the bin to throw it away and getting covered in garbage soup. All caps EWWWW.
Did I mention the break resistant grip drawstring? Because Hefty® Ultra Strong™ trash bags have them and they are awesome because anything that keeps the garbage off of me and the floor is awesome. If all that is not enough, there is a 100% satisfaction guarantee: Hefty® can handle all your trash bag needs or your money back. So it is totally no risk.
Disclosure: This is a compensated collaboration with Hefty® but all opinions are my own.
I am a member of the Collective Bias ® Social Fabric® Community. This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for #CollectiveBias and its advertiser.
Women’s Health has suddenly become top priority in my life. Recently, I’ve been focusing more on creating my own healthy habits. Maybe it’s my age or just the fact that the older my daughters get, the more time I have to actually focus on my own health and mortality; you know, now that I have a free moment to pee alone now and again.
Did you ever consider that what you do for a profession could affect your health? I mean, we know that if you are a stunt man or a cop, your life is generally at higher risk than the general population. Of course, I never considered that being a blogger/writer/ sitting at my desk all day could be detrimental to my health. We all laugh at “blogger butt” and joke about sitting around in our pajamas all day but did you ever really consider that blogging could be bad for your health? Me, neither. But when it comes down to it, bloggers can suffer from issues with our vision from staring at a screen all day. One option is to look into great glasses from https://www.eyeglasses.com/. It can also result in issues such as repetitive strain injury.
Blogging has made me happy. I love what I do. I love freelancing. I love social media. I love letting my girls see me pursue my dreams and get to do something that I am passionate about. It’s important to me to be a good example for my girls. In fact, as a mom of girls, being a good example is probably the most important thing to me that and just being around to see them grow from my babies into women.
So imagine my frustration when I went to the doctor and aside from gaining weight, which I can obviously see, my sugar and cholesterol levels were both elevated but normal. All that I heard was blahblahblah HIGH blahblahblah AT RISK blahblahblah.
My brain went directly to all the things I would miss if I were to suddenly die (yes, I am one of those people); first dates, driving, graduation, college, falling in love, growing up, getting married, getting pregnant, becoming a mom, repeat. Then I thought of all the smaller things like taking care of them when they are sick, holding them when they experience the first crushing blows of falling in and then out of love, the fear and excitement in the big moments, giving the gentle nudges forward when they need to be pushed in the right direction or even just being there to listen when they needed undivided attention and a mother’s unconditional love. I need to be an advocate for not only my health but for #herhealth, as well; both of them. In that moment, I knew exactly what I needed to do. My path had never been so clear. I made all of the doctors’ appointments and I made a plan. I need a plan. I can accomplish almost anything with a plan in hand.
My first stop was the corner Walgreens to buy myself a bottle of Vitafusion Women’s Daily Multivitamin, Gummies. These have been my favorite vitamins as an adult. They are small and easy to swallow because you chew them and they don’t have that bitter mineral after taste that many adult multivitamins have. I like them so much that I started buying Vitafusion multivitamins for the entire family.
Next, I started paying attention to what my FitBit was telling me. The first thing that I noticed is that without consciously making an effort to move, a blogger can exist on only taking 337 steps in a day; my goal is 10,000. No wonder why “blogger butt” is a thing. Now, I am getting between 6500 and 12,000 steps a day just by spending an hour every morning taking a walk or bike ride with my daughters. I can feel the difference. I can do better but at least I am off in the right direction.
I’ve eliminated pop from the menu and replaced it with iced water and switched out my daily coffee for unsweetened green tea. I love coffee but I was using so much creamer that it made each coffee have about 250 calories and the caffeine itself was contributing to my terrible insomnia. Now, coffee is a treat that I look forward to once a week (early on Saturday morning) and sleeping without the help of some kind of pill is a wonderful new bonus in my life.
I linked my FitBit to My Fitness Pal app and started logging everything I eat. You have no idea what you consume until you log it. You might think, “I don’t eat that much or that badly!” Believe me, you probably do. Some days, I found that I didn’t get enough calories and other days, I was going over by about 1000. My Fitness Pal also lets me stay aware of the sugar and cholesterol in everything I eat. In the past month, I have lost 12 pounds. I’ve also committed myself to seeing my doctor once a month to check in on my progress and keep me accountable. These are all baby steps to make sure that I am around for the big and little moments of my life to come.
What do you do to maintain or improve your Women’s health so that you are around for the big and little moments?
I just received this award from the wonderful Robin @https://yourdailydose-robin.blogspot.com/. Thanks so much! I adore getting awards. They make me smile..ear to ear! Thanks for reading my blog. Thanks for giving me the coolest award ever! So here are the rules;
1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER! 2. Choose ONE of the following options of accepting the OMB award: (a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus. (b) Write about your most embarrassing moment. (c) Write a “Soundtrack of your childhood” post. (d) Make your next blog a ‘vlog’/video blog. Basically, you’re talking to the camera about whatever. (e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (hair, make up, etc) and post it. 3. Pass the award on to at least three, but preferably more, awesome bloggers as yourself. Don’t forget to tell them.
OK, I am choosing option B. I am a klutz on wheels so I have a bottomless pit of “most” embarrassing moments. I will give you a couple choices and you choose which amuses you the most.1st, I was about 16 , the epitome of the girl next door. Totally in love with my own personal Jake Ryan ( boy next door). He was older, much cooler, and drove a way super cool Mustang GT that he had gotten for graduation.He used to pick me up for lunch (making me that much cooler). Anyways, one day my girlfriend and I are walking home from school for lunch..totally minding our own business. When who do I see coming directly towards us in his brand new shiny black Mustang..my all -American blonde haired, blue eyed boy next door. My ears all perk up, I am grinning from ear to ear, smiling so hard that my face hurt because I was so happy. I’m lucky my braces to slit my lips I was smiling so big. When out of no where, a group of boys from my high school pull up behind me , lean out of the car and promptly slap me square dead on my 16 year old ass, as my boy next door..love of my life at 16 , watches on in horror and then erupts into uncontrollable laughter. I was absolutely MORTIFIED! Next, fast forward about 5 years. I am now college hottie, wearing next to nothing at a Hootie and the Blow fish concert.I was July, hot as hell , at an outdoor concert. I am wearing short shorts, a tiny top, and the highest platform sandals imaginable. Long story short. I had been consuming a lot of beverages in the heat. I had to hit the ladies room. Of course they are playing “let her Cry”( or whatever the hell the name of that uber popular Hootie song was), they have the spotlight on the crowd. As I am tiptoeing my way down the hill (yes, it was an outdoor concert on a hill) trying not to pee myself, all the while still trying to look really cute while the spotlight is circling and I just know Hootie sees me:) I am not clear on what happened next but I do know that some how , in the spotlight no less, I fell head over feet. I know Hootie saw me because….he chuckled! Oh Lord, at least I didn’t pee on myself..or spill my drink. SO there you have, 2 very embarrassing moments in my life. Here is the fun part… I get to tag at least three people to pick up this award and run with it. ~J @ https://boobiesbabiesblog.blogspot.com/ Nikki @https://westbrockblog.blogspot.com/ Angelica @https://funwithbella.blogspot.com/ Ms. S @ https://thedailymommynews.blogspot.com/
Orkut is a now-defunct social networking site, that started out as a place to find and reconnect with old schoolmates. Think of it as Google’s version of Linkedin and Classmates.com having a baby social networking site. Orkut was named after its creator, Orkut Büyükkökten, launched in 2004 and shut down in 2014 and proved to be extremely popular in Brazil, so much so, that 90% of its page view was from users in Brazil. With all the makings of success, Orkut is a lesson in why small dreams end in failure. Just like in life, in all things, we need to dream bigger and evolve to meet the changing world.
But what is Orkut? Just like all the other social networking sites you are used to now, Orkut’s original purpose for existing was so that users could find like-minded people who shared similar interests and communities via keyword search, descriptions and other users. Orkut came to fruition at the same time as industry giants Facebook and LinkedIn and before Twitter, Instagram or Pinterest were ever even thought of.
Orkut was ahead of its time.
It grew quickly, within the first four months, Orkut had over 50,000 communities. The whole premise and strategy for the success of Orkut were built on users wanting to connect and reconnect with friends, classmates, and acquaintances from school, work and neighborhood groups. On this fact alone, Orkut garnered 20 million users by 2012. In the time it existed, we learned a lot about using social networking sites for marketing.
The community structure of Orkut (like more modern-day social networking sites) spoke to the changing role of the digital consumer because it gave consumers a place to interact and engage in communities with like-minded individuals, often of the same demographic, eager to connect and interact. Presenting the right products and services to these people would be beneficial and less commercially than traditional marketing structures.
Why would consumers be more interested in participating with these messages rather than a diffusion strategy because it feels more organic for the consumer? When social networking ads target consumers by their preferences by what they like, those promotions feel more like word of mouth recommendations from a friend versus an advertisement pushed on a consumer. It’s less intrusive and more welcomed.
As a networking site, Orkut was very popular with the more tech-savvy students and workers in those industries; something for the CES and Silicon Valley crowd. It was great for connecting and engaging with friends, as well as, leaders in the industry and mentors. Many people were eager to be a part of the Orkut community as much because of its prestigious, invite-only membership as its affiliation to Google.
Belonging to Orkut held a lot clout as it inferred that members were highly connected in the technology field.
The site itself was clean, simple and sophisticated for a networking site at the time. It was also easy to use, navigate and join communities. Friends were able to rate each other on how sexy, cool and trustworthy they found each other. This was a predecessor to today’s modern-day likes system.
Orkut also allowed users to make recommendations about products and services like YELP, allowing members to point fellow members in the right direction based on experiences. This was part of its charm for Brazilians.
Why Orkut was such a hit with the Brazilians:
Brazilians do a lot of online shopping with one of the strongest markets for online retailers. They’ll soon reach the potential the USA online market has, which is growing day by day thanks to all those sales and discounts on websites like Raise consumers have access to.
They also happen to love social media.
Outdoor marketing isn’t allowed in Brazil, so you won’t be bombarded by billboards. However, it has made online marketing lucrative and effective.
In Brazil, 77% of Brazilian social media users like to shop online, most of them use social networking sites like Orkut to research products and of those, they are more likely to trust recommendations from someone they know online.
In Brazil, online marketing is not an option, it is the way to be successful. It’s about more than just existing online they need to actively engage via blogging, social gaming and online video that required in marketing campaigns. Online video is King and Okrut could have done a better job with the video.
Orkut proves that as technology evolves so must digital platforms to meet the needs of the user.
In the end, functionality problems killed the social networking site. Orkut had issues with its website, including blockages, limiting the number of friends and difficulties in loading and sharing photos. Once Orkut stopped meeting the needs of the culture and audiences they served, they became irrelevant and lost consumers. Eventually, they were replaced by newer sites. In the end, Orkut had all the makings of a successful networking site, however, it didn’t have a plan to evolve to meet user’s needs or the fortitude to push and grow beyond the original vision. Orkut simply got left behind by refusing to change.
Were you familiar with Orkut? What is currently your favorite social networking site? Why or why not?
May has been hell, to say the least and there’s still a few days left. It started on May 1st and only 5 days later, it went from bad to worse. Our dog died. Yep, it sucked even more than you can probably imagine. I’ve lost pets before but out Lola, she hit different because she was the first dog the four of us got together. Not to mention she came into our lives at a crucial time.
My parents never warned me that the price of getting to really and completely love someone or something is unfathomable heartbreak you have to endure when they are no longer here. That’s a shitty lesson that I’ve had to learn all on my own over the years.
I’ve lost people and I’ve lost pets but what we’re going through right now feels heavier and more devastating than almost anything I’ve ever experienced previous. This one, it hit different. On Saturday, May 6th, we lost our beloved Lola. It was more than just losing a pet, she was a decade of our lives. She was my children’s childhood. She was glue and we absolutely adored everything about her and every second we got to spend with her.
Like a furry little angel, Lola came to us when we needed her most. 2012 was a really hard year for our family. It was marked by transition and loss. We relocated and left behind all of our friends in South Bend and that spring we lost our third baby and a couple months later, our beloved Saffaron (Brindle boxer, our first fur baby) who we adopted right after we were married. As a family, we were devastated and feeling a huge void from two great losses. It felt as if there was no way we could weather the storm of our life.
But on December 14, 2012, we met Lola. The most beautiful, sweet, kind, caring, funny, loving and quirky Victorian Bulldog. It was love at first sight. She even came to us on a day when our hearts were filled with sadness and she made us smile through our tears. That is what our Lola did. She was redemption and hope all wrapped up in fur and a big pink bow.
All of us loved her just as much as we would any child in our family. I know some of you are scoffing at the fact that I just compared my dog to your child but it’s the truth. I’ve had dogs and I’ve had human children and Lola was closer to human than not. All the love we had to give, to our Saff and our third baby, was poured into our Lola and she reciprocated every single bit of it. If you were sad, she would sense it and come sit by you, snuggle in and fill you up without fail. If anything, we loved her too much and now, the hole is too deep to fill. There will never be another Lola.
In 2015, when I broke my leg, shattering bones and dislocating ankles, and could not walk for 3 months, Lola was my constant companion. She never left my side. At a time when I felt my most depressed and vulnerable, she was there for me. She was dedicated and loyal to the very end. On her last day, I returned the favor and she died in my arms.
She’d been sick for months. Late last summer, she was diagnosed with Cushing’s disease right before her 10th birthday. She would have been 11 this upcoming September 6th. She had suddenly started gaining a lot of weight and was very thirsty. We thought maybe she was diabetic. But a series of blood tests determined that it was Cushings.
We didn’t know much about the disease other than it was an overproduction of cortisol. We followed the doctor’s orders and gave her the medication they prescribed and hoped to prolong her quality of life for as long as we could. However, soon instead of being overweight she was severely underweight. She lost almost 20 pounds in just a few months and looked emaciated despite the fact that we were taking her in every 2-3 months for level checks and giving her medication daily for the disease.
At some point the medication overworked and our Lola had no cortisol. She became weak and would hardly eat. Some, most, days I had to sit on the floor and hold her while I hand fed her chicken, fruit, pumpkin and water. I didn’t care, as long as she wasn’t in pain, this was the least I could do. The vet said she wasn’t but we could see and feel her declining. I won’t go into all the details because this wound is still too fresh and I may never stop sobbing if I go down that path.
Long story short, no matter how much you expect it or reconcile yourself to the fact that someone or something you love is dying, when the time comes, it is excruciatingly painful. No amount of preparedness can ready your heart for the monumentally gaping hole that will be left by losing someone you love. Yes, even a dog.
Honestly, losing our Lola may have been more painful than some of the human losses we’ve recently suffered. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to demean any loss. I am only saying that our Lola was more than a dog to our family. She was a sister, a daughter and a friend and she is irreplaceable in our hearts. I spent almost every day of the last 11 years with her at my side, at my feet and in my arms.
On morning that she left us, she woke up and could not steady herself. When she went outside to potty, she vomited. She never vomits. Weakly, she continued to stumble around the yard like a wobbly newborn calf and I knew something wasn’t right. She headed toward me and locked her eyes on mine. Something wasn’t right. As I was holding her, she relieved herself all over me and went limp. My heart broke, I thought she’d died.
Then, she moved. I cleaned myself up as the Big Guy and the girls cleaned up Lola. In my heart, I knew, that this was our last day with our sweet Lola. I was terrified but on the other hand I was ready to help her peacefully transition. She’s been sick for almost a year and, as much as we wanted her here with us, we could not bear to watch her suffer. I promised myself that when the time came, I would sit with her in our favorite chair and hold her until the end.
We all surrounded her and loved on her. Through our sobs we held her and told her we loved her and how good she was. We could not change the inevitable but we knew we could give her a peaceful and loving goodbye, no matter how much it broke our hearts. It’s the least she deserved after being our faithful and loving companion for the past decade. I administered one of her pain pills just to make sure she was comfortable.
I sat in the big brown, leather, oversized recliner (where the two of us sat together countless times over the years) and I put her in my lap, wrapped in her favorite blanket (she was rail thin and always cold lately), she placed her tiny head on my heart and she slept there for hours. Only rousing ever so often to gently raise her head and look at me and then drift back off to sleep much like a milk drunk newborn.
Later in the day, her breathing became labored and shallow. She was no longer conscious and was no longer lifting her head. I placed my hand on her tiny heart and I could feel it racing beneath my hand like a thousand wild mustangs running across the plains. And then suddenly, it slowed down to what felt like 1 lone baby mustang and then it felt as if she disappeared right beneath my fingers.
Her heart was beating so faintly beneath my fingertips that it was almost undetectable. But still, she was very faintly breathing. We couldn’t take it anymore. I’d spent the entire day holding her so that she could pass peacefully in my arms but even when it’s what’s best for the one dying, it is almost impossible to survive for the loved ones watching them fade away. We decided to rush her to the emergency room. Not to be saved but just to make sure that she didn’t linger in between life and death.
We walked into the emergency room sobbing, holding the limp, seemingly lifeless body of our beloved and loyal Lola knowing that this was the last time we would ever see or hug her again. Knowing that this was the last time that we would ever get to rub her neck or kiss her forehead, knowing all of our days with her, were behind us now. We were there when she took her final breath, loving her until the very end. Ushering her to the other side with an abundance of gratitude and love.
We cried all day that Saturday. We’re still crying today, 3 weeks later. I feel like we might cry forever over our Lola. It was one of the worst things we’ve gone through recently. This morning I woke up and saw that my husband had emptied her food bowl (probably to prevent me from having to do it) and I started sobbing. Last night, I slept restlessly. I woke up reaching out for her. My heart can’t get used to her little head not being on the pillow next to mine. I see her in her bed, in the corners, under the chairs and couches, around every corner. I’ve cried for days over this loss. I don’t know how we’ll ever return to normal after losing the tiny angel who saved my family from more loss than our hearts could handle in 2012.
Lola we’ll love you forever. You are, were and will always be the best girl, our sweet Floki Moki.
Can young children be depressed? I’ve come to realize something very important, 2nd grade is a turning point in a child’s life. This is where, as the Big Guy says, the rubber meets the road. Education gets real serious, real fast. Last year was playtime, this year is planners and hours of homework and violin and pre-ballet has now turned to ballet and there is no more time for childish games. Suddenly, everyone is serious.
This is the year that our children really begin to take it all in. It’s the year that grades are beginning to count, teachers expectations are raised and the age of reason. Obliviousness and the carefree, reckless abandonment of being a preschooler has to be shelved and children are forced to grow up in many ways. I’ve noticed this for my daughter and I’m not sure I like it, at all. (more…)
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