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The TRUTH About Motherhood

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  • Somewhere Over the Rainbow

    I borrowed this video from Juliana @ A Blonde walks into a Blog. Here’s me being hopefully optimistic and spreading the message with a little sunshine instead of a heart full of disgust and hopelessness. Hope this makes us all a little more aware of the depth of humanity at which this situation is affecting us all. I hope it inspires you to make the choice to leave a better world for your children and your children’s children! If you’d like to help make a difference, please click here. Happy Mothering!

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  • Mother’s Little Helper

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    Last night, as I was up FB chatting and texting my bestie at 3 am, (no we are not vampires, yes we are Mommies) we started talking about this song  and its been stuck in my head ever since. Basically, I am walking around with a theme song playing in my head now. So, I am sharing it, I think its going to be that kind of day. That’s what I get for staying up til all hours of the night trying to catch up on emails and bloggy business. But so worth it that my bestie and I got to actually “talk” with no one in the background whining….”Mmmmmmmooooommmmmmmmyyyyyyyy!!!” Of course, I think we were both pretty much slap happy and functioning at half speed at that time. It’s OK though, she’s known my flavor of crazy for almost 20 years now. In fact, she may be one of the only people who knows my flavor of crazy in its entirety, aside from the big guy. It reminded us both of when we were in college together. Good times. Yes, this post is pretty much pointless. I just wanted to share the song.I’m off to have my coffee and will return shortly with more insightful things to say….hopefully.
    P.S. After further inspection of this video, it begs the question..Did Mic Jagger’s lips get bigger with age? Or did his head get smaller? Things that make you go hhhhmmm?[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

  • This kinda Morning!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNkp4QF3we8?fs=1

    My kids love this video, because it is so much like them:) Oh, the joys of Motherhood!

  • Weekend update, a complication & a few challenges

    As many of you have probably noticed, I have been MIA since last Thursday. I will start there. My Mother went into the hospital for a simple outpatient procedure on Thursday morning.After the almost 6 hour surgery was done ( yeah, I don’t know how that qualifies as outpatient but whatever),my sister calls me with an update that there has been a complication. A COMPLICATION? Not words that I ever want to hear in conjunction with anything to do with any of my loved ones, least of all the person who gave birth to me. A simple procedure turned into a rare complication that left my Mom with blood pooled around her heart. It was very scary for all of us, and I can’t imagine what my poor Mother went through waking from her surgery only to find that she could not breathe and felt as if she were going to die. It was an emergency and my own Mommy instincts kicked in and I immediately packed a small bag,called my husband to meet us, grabbed my girls, jumped in the car and headed home to Chicago to take care of my Mom. I’ve told you all before (on multiple occasions) that I am a complete control freak. Well, that means I can’t wait for someone else to call with updates. I had to go to my Mom to know that everything that could be done to get her well , was actually being done. My sisters and brothers who were closer were there but , maybe it has something to do with being the oldest, I had to be there. I got there that night and she was feeling pretty weak and helpless. They were giving her blood and loads of pain meds, she had a chest tube to drain the blood and a catheter sticking in her neck ,it was pretty gruesome to look at but all I cared about was her getting well. I could tell she was frightened when I walked in. So, I pulled my Mommy face on and I set out to make sure that I knew exactly what was going on, that she was comfortable and in capable hands and then I went to trying to make her smile ( which is exactly what she would have done for me). The first thing I said when I saw her, ” Mom, is there anything you won’t do to get me to come visit?” She chuckled and I felt better knowing that she could smile under the circumstances. She ended up in the hospital for a couple more days. I am happy to report she is home now and resting comfortably. I just wanted to thank all of you who had expressed concern. I just could not get to a computer under the circumstances; my mind was obviously on other things.

    Next, when I returned and finally had a chance to read some of my comments I came across this gem from Robin @ Your Daily Dose and it made me smile. On a weekend when I was so exhausted and spent from the emotional roller coaster of the previous days that I thought a smile was impossible, this video she tagged me in for her Here’s to you Thursday  post did. She says it reminds her of me / my blog. What are your thoughts?

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    Monday Minute

    If you could have plastic surgery, would you? If so, what would you get done?
    Yes, return my boobies to their original place of origin, some botox, maybe some ass implants, tummy tuck, lipo on my hips and butt:)

    What laws have you broken?
    Aren’t they only technically broken if you were caught? So following that logic, I will admit to speeding & maybe a little reckless driving.

    What is your quirkiest habit?
    I hate even numbers ( so I do shit in odd quantities but at the same time I crave equality..its gets dicey sometimes), I refuse to drink out of Styrofoam cups ( the sound and feel of my teeth touching it wigs my the hell out), eat baby corn ( Because it creeps me out) and last but not least I count the letters in words as people are speaking when I am anxious ( don’t laugh, I’ve talked to my doctor about it. Its an anxiety coping mechanism and its not uncommon).

    If you only had 3 songs to listen to for the rest of your life what would they be?
    This requires too much thought @ midnight but I will try…
    Sweet Surrender by Sarah Mclachlin  because it reminds me of my husband
    Ottoman  by Vampire Weekend because it makes me happy
    Pretty Much anything that Keane has ever sung. I used to sing them to both my girls in utero and to rock them as newborns and that always makes me happy when I hear it.
    and finally…

    How often do you have sex?
    Well considering that I only get to see my gorgeous husband 3 days a week, it ranges from 1 to 3 times a week:)

    Now to catch up on my Be a Better Parent Challenges . I will catch us up by listing challenge 13-15.

    Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 13 – The dreaded “in a minute”

    I know we’ve all got some form of this – either it’s “in a second” or “give me a minute” or some variation of the above, but it’s basically translated in little brains as  “Never” “Mommy won’t keep this promise” or ” I say in a minute but this probably won’t happen”. It’s a bad habit and its sending my kids the wrong messages; that they are unimportant and Mommy doesn’t keep her promises.

    • In five minutes (and set the timer) which is one more reason that I love my iPhone I can set the alarm. I’ve done it when its time to come in from play so now I can use it when Mommy has to be done with her “thing”.
    • When the show is over ( basically when whatever I am doing is done within a reasonable time frame).
    • When I’m off the phone ( why do they always insist on talking to me about nothing when I am on the phone? Seriously, is it in the kids handbook?)

    This is a challenging one, but it’s made much easier when you give your kids an actual MEASURABLE TIME. And then, the hard part, sticking to it.

     

     Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 14 – Catch them being good

    I love this challenge because  I know from experience that this really does work for me and it works wonders for my daughters’ self confidence. Now, it’s super easy to compliment your child when they do something awesome, but it’s a little harder to remember to catch the smaller things – things that you might not generally notice but could really do with some positive reinforcement so that THEY KEEP DOING THEM!
    That means everything from playing nicely with a sibling, responding to you after only one request – the simple things.The sorts of behaviors, actions, and reactions that often times go unnoticed because they are, in our grown up minds, small. However, they are not small in the long run and may actually be a big feat for a teething toddler to master.
    For example; “I love how you’re sharing your dolls with your sister.” or “I really appreciate that you picked up your socks the first time I asked you.Thank you”
    It’s way more effective than telling them “no” or “don’t do that” all the time.Plus, I get pretty tired of always sounding negative.I don’t want my kids to think they are bad kids because they are always being reprimanded.
    There will still be plenty of times where you’ll be doing that – don’t get me wrong, but catching them being good is a fabulous way to get them headed in the right direction
    (your direction). Try it! – and tell me how it went tomorrow!

    Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 15 – Start a tradition

    I know it may seem odd to just create a tradition for today, but the least you can do is start thinking about it. And by tradition, I mean some sort of weekly family ritual that you do every week – something that your kids can count on, look forward to, and something that’s uniquely yours (and theirs).Something they can look back on fondly and pass on to their own children.
    I suppose an easy and common one is the big Sunday breakfast – whether it’s going out to eat after mass or making a big Sunday brunch at home.
    Maybe it’s a weekly game night or make your own pizza night where the kids gets to pick the toppings they eat for their own pizza and top it. Perhaps it’s ice cream on Saturdays or a Thursday night dance party where you dress up and blast the music in your living room.We tend to like to have Slumber parties on Friday nights ( we do Manis and pedis , crazy PJ’s, and popcorn) or Saturday night Rock band marathons.
    You may even already do this, and if you do, please share. And if you don’t, now is a great time to come up with one. I figure a part of better parenting is creating fun, positive memories for our kids, and something like this will do just the trick.Can’t wait to hear all of your new traditions fro your families.

    And I almost forgot

    Giveaway for the Get Moving; Family Fitness game for the Wii

    it ends this week and there are NO entries! So, right now its pretty easy to win. Come one… it’s a lot of fun. You know you want to.

    One more thing…

    Since I always tell you when my kids are acting crazy.I absolutely must share how they pepper the chaos with moments of sublime awesomeness.Yesterday, I was talking with my Bella, “You are so beautiful! Where do you get your good looks from? Your Mama?” 

    Obviously , I was teasing her about getting them from me. For Christs sake , my kid is a model and I am not, enough said.  But this was her answer, and probably one of the many reasons that she has a special little place in my heart today..

    Bella: “No…my Mommy is WAY cuter!”

    Is this kid not the most precious thing ever? Just like the moment she was born, I am wrapped tightly right around her and Gabs’ tiny little fingers and (Shhhh) there is no where else I’d rather be tonight.

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  • Throat Punch Thursday: Cigarettes for Babies Edition

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    When I saw this footage, I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry. Surely, it had to be a joke. Some trick of the camera. A little person disguised as a a baby. There’s no way, I thought, that some moronic mental dwarf would actually not only allow but introduce and support the nicotine habit of a baby. You heard me right! The Daddy of this toddler introduced the kid to cigarettes. Hey, dude remember the stupid Mom who took the picture of her kid with the bong? She is nothing compared to the idiocy of this Dad. What did he think? It was cute? Funny? Sure, real cute and funny when your baby ( still on a bottle as you can see from the video..I guess he graduated from breast milk the moment he started smoking) is dying of lung cancer. This kid now has a  40 cigarette a day habit! That is ridiculous!

    Today it was reported via CNN, that two-year-old Ardi Rizal of South Sumatra, who reportedly smoked 40 cigarettes a day, has broken his nicotine addiction through a 30-day rehabilitation program, according to the Jakarta Globe  Thursday. Well, Thank God and the Sumatran version of DCFS for that small miracle!

    “He has stopped smoking and doesn’t ask for cigarettes anymore,” Arist Merdeka Sirait, chairman of Indonesia’s National Commission on Child Protection, said, according to another publication, Earth Times.According to earlier reports, the child was placed in state custody after the video emerged and the boy’s parents said he would cry and throw tantrums if he went too long without smoking a cigarette. Well, shit, I wouldn’t want them to put themselves out by having to actually look after the well being of their baby. You know how annoying those damn tantrums can get. Just give the kid a cigarette and shut him up, who cares if it kills him at least his crying won’t interrupt their good time. You know the one they are having using their kid as a parlor trick to show to the local villagers.

     It was reported that heavy smoking appeared to have caused the boy’s brain to shrink and could cause other health problems later, Sirait said, according to Earth Times. NO, really? You mean giving cigarettes to a baby is bad for them? I’d say the second hand smoke has caused some brain damage to his parents as well.

    “He needs to be in a smoking-free environment so that he doesn’t start smoking again,” Sirait said. Really? You don’t say? So who leaves the hut? Him? Or his asshole Daddy who got him hooked on the cigs in the first place? I say they send Daddy to jail and that solves the problem of no smoking around junior.

    Anti-smoking advocates say Indonesia’s tobacco industry markets its products to children, according to the Globe. What can I say, they need to be throat punched along with little chunky Ardi’s parents. Are they actively trying to kill off their children in Indonesia? Any moron that thinks its funny, cool, acceptable to poison a child for money or a laugh, most certainly deserves the coveted Thursday THROAT PUNCH! Come here Indonesian tobacco company and stupid moronic Daddy, I got a couple hot, smokey Throat Punches with your name on it![/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

  • Throat Punch Thursday:Bullshit Blogger Edition

    This week, I was all set to give the throat punch to Pastor Jerry Jones because lets face it, he is a douche bagger in a major way.Burning people’s Bibles, come on now. That is just not right. What’s next burning people at the stake?
    But alas, in the last 24 hours, incredibly enough an even bigger douche bag, ass wipe has come to my attention.Oh yes, any blogger worth their salt knows of whom I am speaking. I don’t want to speak her name ( if she really even is a she) She  He It has lied about everything else. I am not totally sure they are who or what they say they are. God knows, not one of their posts have they written themselves. That’s right. They have stolen every one of the posts on their site and had the gall to back date them.This moron even copied the about and uncut pages. Can you believe this? I highly doubt the photos of the children on the blog are even hers. Or real, for that matter. It’s probably some weirdo, no life having, living in their mama’s basement sort of douche bag.
    As bloggers,we all know how hard it is to build a community and maintain a blog.It’s a lot of work. It’s like raising a child. If you want it to grow and be strong and respected, you’ve got to put your blood, sweat, tears, heart and a whole lot of  elbow grease and time into it.That being said, it is a cardinal sin to steal someones content. That is stealing someones thoughts, experiences, feeling; their life, their talent, their passion. For that, you deserve a hell of a lot worse than my throat punch but that is all I have to give. I hate to do this but I feel its my duty to share the blog address so that you can all go check it out and see if this idiot has stolen your content. If they have, please report them to the appropriate people.I encourage all authors of original posts copied and pasted here, to fill out a copyright infringement claim at:

    https://www.google.com/blogger_dmca.html

    Here is the blog Outnumbered by Testosterone. I’m not sure what kind of racket this broad is running but she needs to be shut down.She’s like the single white female of the blogosphere and she needs to be locked up in a padded room , or at the very least locked out of the blogosphere. Yes, this weeks throat punch definitely goes to the crazy bitch that steals other people’s lives. Happy Mothering!

  • Just the Way You Are

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    I’m driving home from morning drop off and I hear this song on the radio for the first time. I was totally blown away. This is why…as women this is what we want long to hear the man we love say to us. This is what we dream of from the time we notice boys.To be amazing. To be seen as perfection…just the way we are. That’s the key…AS WE ARE! Problem is, we are never satisfied and constantly evolving.

    This is the irony, the Big Guy always tells me that I look pretty and that I am sexy to him. He does, however, realize by now that what he thinks is important is not nearly as important as how I feel about myself or what I believe I look like. So, we spend our lives looking for validation from the men we love and even when they earnestly mean it and freely give it; we reject it. What will it take to satisfy our souls on this subject? I KNOW the Big Guy loves me. I KNOW the Big Guy finds me attractive but if I don’t feel it myself, its almost impossible to believe it truly.

    I love this song because it gives me hope that one day I can believe and feel as amazing as the Big Guy believes me to be. By the way Big Guy, you are pretty effing amazing just the way you are too! I’m a lucky girl to have such a great man to share my life with..even if I hardly ever get to see you anymore.

    Ladies, listen to this song. Let it fall on your ears like prayer, let it marinate for awhile. Drink it all in. And in the end, KNOW in your heart that this is how the man that loves you sees you. This is why he chose you! Remember it! Write it Down! Believe it! There’s Not a thing I would change. Cause Girl You’re Amazing JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!![/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

  • Throat Punch Thursday; The “Dad, Momma’s feeding junior bugs again” edition

     Welcome to Throat Punch Thursday my friends. Well, this weeks choice was fairly easy being all the bullshit that surrounds this hot mess. YOU know what I’m referring to, come on. What would make you madder than running out of diapers in the middle of the night? Finding beetle larva in your baby’s Similac, you say? What would make you even madder than finding out live on The Bachelor that you were NOT the one he chose, after you were led to believe that you were ?( sorry, its late I couldn’t think of any other analogy)How would you feel about trying to contact Similac to see if your formula lot number was recalled and not being able to ever access a human being? Just one more reason for la Leche League to yammer on about the breast being best. There is usually not a whole lot of bug contamination in your Momma’s boobies. I tried the whole boobie thing, it worked for about 6 weeks, I never made enough milk and I had to supplement the entire time with….SIMILAC!

    I would be irate if I had a newborn and found out that they could possibly be ingesting bug parts. Imagine it being your first newborn and learning this. OMG,it would have sent me into a stark raving fit of lunacy. Seriously, they wouldn’t have had to worried about my calls. I would have had my crazy ass in the car. Oh yeah, I’d have no problem finding out where they were located or how to get there..I’m computer savvy and internet learned.

    On Wednesday, Abbott Laboratories issued a recall of about 5 million cans of certain Similac-brand powdered infant formula, due to the possible presence of beetle larva. Did you read that..5 MILLION cans!

    If ingested, the FDA said that this type of beetle could cause discomfort and irritate the gastrointestinal tract, making infants lose their appetite. Well, no shit! Umm, my second child was colicky from dairy formula..can you imagine if had beetle larva in it what it would do to a colicky kid? That’s reason enough to take their heads of with a Throat punch. This may be more serious than a Throat punch, maybe a  full on decapitation? The more I recall the days of walking in the middle of the night with no sleep due to colic, I say yes..beheading may be the way to go. Lets make that throat punch count!

    Following the recall, Abbott (ABT, Fortune 500) established a 24/7 phone hotline and directed consumers to a website for more information, including the product lot numbers affected by the recall. Repeated attempts to access both services by CNNMoney have been mostly unsuccessful. No shit, what are they going to do answer the phone,get screamed at and say, “Hi, Similac speaking. Sorry about the bugs we fed to your perfect little newborn. Hope he does’t turn into the fly.OOPS! Gotta go!”

    My Throat Punch is most certainly going to Abbot Industries for not only their beetle larva ( SKEEVE) but even more so because they are not available to give these parents some damn  counsel. So they are the lovely recipients of not 1 but 2 Throat Punches, 1 for the bugs and 1 for the awful customer service. Now come here so I can feed you a nice warm glass of beetle parts.

    Here’s the number if you need more information..You can call it but they probably won’t answer. My suggestion, if you have Similac lying around, just throw it out!EWWWW

    For information on the recall, Abbott said that parents and caregivers can go to www.similac.com/recall10 or call Abbott’s consumer hotline, (800) 986-8850, for more information.
     

  • Nutrisystem Week 4 Update; Slow & Steady wins the race ( The VLOG)

    DISCLOSURE: Nutrisystem is providing their  program to me free of charge in exchange for my participation in the Nutrisystem Nation Blogging Program and weekly updates. I am not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed in this post are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

    Sorry, the quality isn’t better but I just wanted to give you all an update! You rock! Thank you for the support!I couldn’t do this without all of your encouragement!Down 7.5 pounds in 28 days, YEY ME!!!! Happy Mothering!

    I’m cheezy because I lost 7.5 pounds and I get to drink my coffee out of this awesome new mug! Don’t you just love it? My bloggy diva narcissism shining through, once again! For some reason, I keep hearing that song “Don’t you wish your Mug was hot like mine! Don’t cha wish your Mug was a freak like mine?Don’t cha?” I don’t know if I’m giddy about the weight loss or just plain silly.What do you think?

  • Mommy Truisms:Too Blessed to be Stressed Holiday Edition

    It’s a special time of year for us Mommies and so I thought I should share a special set of Mommy truisms. Hope this adds to your holiday enjoyment! Merry Christmas!

    • If your half asleep child wakes up in the middle of the night and you are caught red-handed wrapping “Santa” gifts, its better to gently walk said half asleep kid back to bed versus assuming they saw anything and telling them “Now that you know there’s no Santa….”.Believe me you can’t unring that bell.
    • If you decide to make the elf on the shelf a part of your family tradition and tell your kids that the elves have magical powers of teleportation, its best not to get caught red-handed removing the elf from your luggage at the in laws house. Again, it’s mighty hard to explain your way out of that mess.
    • Speaking of explaining your way out of a mess, if you accidentally use a term that you don’t want your kids to know anything about, do NOT try to make up an explanation on the fly.It will end badly. For example, telling your kid that the “Boogie Monster is like the Cookie Monster but sucks the boogies out of sleeping children’s noses” does not a situation better make.Just shut your mouth and pretend you said nothing.
    • When your littles are bugging the ever loving crap out of you wanting to make Christmas crafts, Christmas Cookies, or sing Christmas songs and you are running yourself crazy trying to make it the best Christmas ever..stop, take a deep breath and remember what its all for and about.It can’t be perfect if you are annoyed with the very little people that you are trying to make it perfect for. Forget about the to do list and give those littles a little Christmas….NOW!
    • Don’t drive yourself insane searching for the perfect gift.Don’t do it. For the little ones it will change on a daily basis.Use your best judgment and give with your heart.Christmas morning is about smiles and togetherness.If you are there in the moment with them and the love is flowing,it will be the best Christmas ever.
    • If you don’t heed the previous warning, as I may or may not have in the past, you may find yourself crying at the end of Christmas morning because the Fancy Nancy book that you ordered special, the easel from France, or the freaking $100 chair you bought them (that you KNEW was going to be perfect) is met with a “why the hell did she buy me this” look.
    • Christmas, like life, is what you make of it. It’s not about how much money or how many gifts you give.It’s about the passion with which you celebrate. Do you want your littles to think the season is about money and material things or about the spirit of love, a sacred religious celebration, and spending time with those you love? Remember, we are teaching them what it’s all about.
    • Don’t assume every gift your little one wants comes from a store.Sometimes the most meaningful gift a parent can give their child is attention, a warm cuddle, a nose kiss, time together, lap snuggles, bed time stories, and REALLY listening to what your littles are actually saying. The smile these things bring is genuine and worth everything.
    • When you are buried up to your eyeballs in snow and and it looks like you are living in a snow globe, and the kids keep begging to go outside, sometimes the best thing you can do is throw on all your layers, go outside and have a snowball fight for 15 minutes. These are the moments that memories are made of, why make the memory be of you saying no.Make the memory be, my Mommy was so cool she stopped the world and played with me in the snow.
    • Christmas eve may be about traditions and Santa but Christmas morning is about presents and a big breakfast.
    • Stress and worry are the only Mommy emotions less valuable than guilt. Don’t do it!
    • When all else fails, coffee and wine will get you through the holidays!

    Happy Holidays to each and every one of you. I hope that you have a wonderfully fabulous day basking in the glow of your families love. Kiss those littles, tell your Big Guy how much he means to you, and know that you are a great Mommy and wife.Merry Christmas, my friends.

    This song is Christmas to me.

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