The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Dog is My Co-Pilot
My dog, Lola, is more than just a pet. She surpasses anything I would have ever imagined that a family pet could be. She is part of our family. In fact, with the girls in school all day now and the Big Guy at work, she is my closest companion and that is the reason why I give her cbd oil to enhance her well being, read more at the link to learn its benefits.
Lola came into our lives one Christmas 2 years ago and filled a great big gaping hole left in our hearts from the loss of our first family dog, Saffaron. Saffy was our practice for children. She was the puppy who taught us responsibility and how to love and nurture something beyond ourselves and she returned that love ten fold.

We adopted Saffaron about a month into our marriage and she was our constant loyal companion for thirteen amazing years, up until the moment her heart just couldn’t go on. Saffy was with us as we moved around the country and grew from a young naïve couple into homeowners and then parents. She welcomed home each of our daughters with love and enthusiasm, gracefully moving aside as our family grew.
Never malicious or jealous, always filled with just a little bit more love and cuddled as close as she could get to our hearts. We loved that dog. She was more than just a “dog” she was a vital part of our family. When we lost her, we lost part of ourselves and it was hard to imagine life without her cold nose and warm kisses, especially for our children who had accepted her as one of their own.
4 months later, the hole was still gaping and the wound fresher than ever. The scab has busted off and the only way to begin healing was to welcome a new canine member to our family; enter, Lola. It’s been 2 years since she came to live with us and I think we’d all agree, life is sweeter with Lola sitting next to us.

She cuddles right up to us on Friday Family nights with her dog blanket as we gather around the coffee table playing a rousing game of Monopoly or just watching Gilmore Girls, Once Upon a Time or my daughters’ favorite new Netflix series, The Adventures of Puss in Boots. Just like next month, you can bet your sweet tukus that she will be sitting on my lap while I binge watch House of Cards Season 3 ( February 27th..Don’t miss it!)Lola is always there with us. Wherever we go in live, there she is.
Dogs are smart. If I’m watching a movie that tugs at my heartstrings and I find myself crying, Lola cuddles in just a little closer and licks my hand. It’s as if she’s telling me that it’s ok. When we laugh, she doesn’t laugh but she certainly does get excited. Lola is just as much a part of our family as any one of us.
That kind of loyalty and devotion deserves a treat.

Homemade Peanut Butter Cookie Treats for Your Dog
Ingredients
Vegetable oil cooking spray
2 cups whole wheat flour, plus more for dusting
1/2 cup old fashioned oats
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 cup low sodium chicken broth
1 cup creamy peanut butter, at room temperature
1/4 cup grated Parmesan
Directions
Place an oven rack in the center of the oven and preheat to 375 degrees F. Spray a heavy baking sheet with vegetable oil cooking spray or line with a silicon baking mat. Set aside.
In a large bowl, combine the flour, oats and baking powder. Stir in the broth and peanut butter until the mixture forms a crumbly dough. Press the dough together to form a ball.
On a lightly floured work surface, knead the dough for 30 seconds until smooth. Roll out the dough into a 10-inch circle, about 1/2-inch thick. Using a bone-shape cookie cutter, cut out bones and place on the prepared baking sheet (any scraps of dough can be formed into a ball and re-rolled). Sprinkle with the Parmesan.
Bake until light golden, 20 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack and cool completely. Store in an airtight container for up to 1 week.
Your four-legged family member will adore you for this treat!
Pets are part of our family. As long as these four-legged family members live with us, we are never quite alone. I don’t know about at your house, but at mine, Dog is my co-pilot in life.
What makes your pet special to you?

Disclosure: I am a member of the Netflix StreamTeam but all love for Lola and opinions are my own!
2015/01/30
The Sexiest Thing You’ll Ever Put in Your Mouth
I have a new tall, dark and handsome in my life and his name is Nespresso. Thank you William’s and Sonoma for introducing us.
I used to be a Keurig devotee. We were best friends ( friends with benefits really); every morning he’d wake me up with a hot, sweet caramel kiss on the lips. But I cheated on him. I couldn’t help myself.
I longed for something more and I was tempted by an old familiar flame, Starbucks. Beautiful and glorious bastard that he is, who could say no?
He was my addiction. He was so hot, smelled so good and I could just pull him to my lips and stay there for hours.
Keurig is better than Folgers, I’ll never deny that, but Keurig is no Starbucks not even by a long shot (not even with an extra shot ). He is the poor mom’s Starbucks. It’s like the difference between Lena Dunham and Angelina Jolie, Zach Galifinakas and Alexander Skarsgard, a hairless Chihuahua and a Unicorn. My God, you know you always want the unicorn even if it is impractical so beautiful that it sears your retinas to look upon it and the damn thing costs an arm and a leg to house and feed. No matter, you must have it. Who cares if you have to second mortgage the house? Screw those brats and that private school. Don’t you deserve to be happy? Coffee is all we have moms. That and those yoga pants.
But life is not so black and white and neither is coffee. Well, unless you drink it black in which case…you could just exit this conversation right now and head to the nearest Speedway. They’ve got you covered, it’s like 99 cents for a metric ton of coffee. Lucky bastards.
I forgot that there is a beautiful world filled with sexy shades of milky caramels, where unicorns run free, are grass fed and only came when called.Where children don’t bicker and teething babies sleep through the night. Where toddlers aren’t overly attached and teens still like you. ( I went too far with the teen analogy, didn’t I? I could feel it going too far when Is aid it. Damn it. If you go too close to the sun, you get burned. Rookie mistake. Wait, where was I? Oh yeah…) It can be beautiful. I forgot that life is not made of only Folgers and Keurig’s alone…there is Nespresso!! And I’ve been told that what I have with my Nespresso is not an addiction but a “lifestyle choice”. Whatever you want to call it. It’s who I am and I love it and I don’t care who knows it.
Nespresso machines and Nespresso pods are the GD unicorns of coffee makers and at home brewing.The Aeroccino, it’s silent but I swear I can hear angels singing every single time I brew a cup. Each time I make a Nespresso at home, the world is a better place. It’s more vibrant and beautiful. It’s not coffee, it is happiness in a cup, I always tell people not to have toomuch coffe during the day, mayne people are not aware of the fact the you can have long term stomach proems due from too much caffeine. look for a Remedy from stomach problems from too much caffeine.
I can enjoy it in my comfy chair in my pajamas or yoga pants or naked if I want too. ( Wait, no, I don’t drink coffee naked, that would just be weird and dangerous, right?). It just tastes better. I’m not sure if it’s because each cup is fresh and never scorched or only cost me 95 cents. Maybe it’s because I can flavor my froth. Maybe it’s because I’ll never need whip again because good head beats whip every damn day of the week. Maybe it’s the perfect excuse to entertain. Whatever the reason is, I’ve ended it with Keurig and Starbucks and I are on an indefinite break like Ross and Rachel. But unlike Rachel, I’m never going back.
Now, if I could just figure out how to make a damn Oprah Chai Latte that tastes as good as Starbucks…at home.

2014/11/10
How to Easily Make the Perfect Halloween Dia De Los Muertos Costume
Halloween and Dia de Los Muertos are only a few days away.
Last weekend was our city’s annual Fright Night and Zombie walk. My daughters have been wanting to participate for the past 3 years but we’ve felt they were too young to be immersed in the middle of all of those “zombies” so we’ve been watching from the sidelines. This year, we decided would be the year that we all walked “amongst the dead”. They were zombies and I was la Calavera Catrina, recognized as a sugar skull.
My husband and girls dressed as authentic walking dead zombies. My husband was a typical zombie ironically wearing a blood smeared “Be Kind to the Earth” t-shirt with a vintage plaid flannel. I guess he was going for hipster zombie look.
My 9-year-old was a prom queen zombie. Luckily her ballet rehearsal was done in just enough time to get home, change into her “prom” dress and dead face. My littlest one was the cutest dead school girl ever.
My little brother and I chose to go in a different direction. I love the Walking Dead but I just can’t make myself drag my legs and growl at people so my brother dressed as a sugar skull and I dressed as the Grand Dame of Dia De Los Muertos, la Calavera Catrina. The best part? Everything I needed was in my closet.
Here is how to apply the Dia de Los Muertos make-up and pull together a costume that will make heads turn.
I think it turned out awesome!
1. 1. Begin with an even layer of the Ben Nye Clown White make-up all over the entire face, except the eye sockets, with a sponge, and set with powder. You can buy setting powder at the Halloween shop but, honestly, baby powder works just as well. It is important to set the color with the powder, because the black lines and color on top may get smudged unless you place a barrier in between. Seriously, your face will look like it is melting off if you don’t and who wants to go through all that time painstakingly applying make-up only to have it slide right off your face?
    Next, I sculpted the perimeter of my eye socket with a black liquid eyeliner, it’s much easier to use than regular black face make-up and it lets you be more precise with your lines. Then intensify the area by blending a matte black shadow in the same hue over the top of the entire eyelid and filling in the drawn socket.
    For the detailing, pick up a black liquid liner with a precise tip, and draw an upside-down heart on the nose, the two rows of scalloping, connected by a circular motion, that surrounds the eyes and the two small circles on either side of my cheek bones. Mark out seven lines in a V-shape on your forehead. I made a jewel in the middle of mine, you can too or not, whatever you choose. Connect the lines with curved shapes to create a spider web.
    Use the same liquid liner to draw the two lines on your cheeks and draw a rose on your chin.
    Use a color wheel of your choice to fill in the scalloping around your eyes, your jewel and any other designs on your face that need color. I set the color with more translucent powder, not too much, just enough to keep the color from running.
    Moving on to the lips, I wanted red lips so I used my Red Chanel lipstick to draw in my lips. Then with the black liquid eyeliner, I drew in the intersecting lines across my lips. I let all lines dry well and then went over with liquid eyeliner again.
    With the liquid liner, add a few dotted details over the face, and a flower on your chin. Touch up individual areas with the color palette of your choice as needed, and after a few coats of mascara, I used fake-eyelashes to give my eyes a little extra umph.
For the hair, I simply washed my hair and dried it curly. Teased it. Pulled it to a curly, side pony tail and then added two oversized red roses behind my ears, which I held in with bobby pins. You could also opt for a headband with flowers on it.
To finish the look, I shopped my closet. Sometimes being a Latina with a dad who retires to Mexico 8 months a year has its advantages. I wore a long black skirt, a white peasant blouse with red, yellow and green roses from Mexico as my blouse, an ornate, traditional Kelly green velvet apron with gold scalloping and bright gold shawl. It came together perfectly but, honestly, the make-up makes the costume.
What are you dressing up as for Halloween?
Do you celebrate Dia de Los Muertos?
2014/10/27
The One Thing that All Mom’s Have in Common

No matter how hard we try as parents, sometimes we still have a parenting fail followed by the inevitable mommy guilt.
I stay-at-home with my girls. I have always stayed at home. There was a brief 6 month period while I was pregnant with Gabs that I worked outside of the home but other than that I have chosen to stay-at-home. I have worked from home the entire time but I have always been within an arm’s reach of my daughters when they were small.

I am the one who arranges everything just so. I make sure that birthday parties are exactly what they dreamed they would be. I am the one who plans vacations. I am the one make sure Christmas morning is everything they could ever imagine. I am the same person who pulls teeth, kisses booboos, wakes in the middle of the night for every fever and puke filled moment of it. I am the one who reassures them that there are no chickens or lemurs hiding under their bed.

I am the one who makes their favorite meal. Knows their minds before they speak and knows when to hug instead of lecture. I notice the innuendos. I see the trembling lips. I know when they are fibbing or scared or nervous. I know every crease and crevice of their face and every curve of their existence. I like being that mom.
I put broken hearts back together when daddy had to leave back to Iowa. I explained the unexplainable to toddlers and when they didn’t understand, I took the brunt of their frustration and held them as their tiny broken hearts tried to make sense of it all. I cried in silence after they went to bed that maybe I had made the wrong choice.
I’ve kissed the tops of their heads and rubbed their backs as they’ve fallen asleep more times than I can count. I wake in the middle of the night to make sure they are breathing and covered. I listen when they think I am not. I make their favorite meal when they least expect it and most need it. I cuddle randomly and with wild abandon. I tell them I love them like every day is my last chance.
I was there for their first word, first tooth, first step, first breath and first heartbeat. I always want to be there for everything. I want them to know that I am forever their soft place to land. It’s never just them against the world because I am always there beside them, when they need me.
I’ve never missed a ballet or tap observation, rehearsal or Nutcracker performance. I volunteer backstage. I’ve never missed a school party, field trip or mass they’ve participated in. I am their room mom. I drive on every field trip. Never missed a soccer match, swim practice or field day. I have scheduled my life to be there for those moments. For me, there is nothing more important.
I want to show them the world and teach them to live in it, proactively. I want them to go after their dreams and know that they can do anything. I also want them to know that no matter how old they get or how far they go, I am here. I am proud of them and they are loved beyond comprehension no matter where life takes them or who they become.
I’ve never missed anything…until today. Tonight, I sent my girls off to tap class with the Big Guy like I do every Tuesday evening. I take them to ballet on Wednesdays and we alternate rehearsals. Tonight, my little one asked me if I could go instead. I said no because 1) I have a terrible migraine but 2) I have to work the book fair tomorrow morning and I needed to get some work done tonight. Then 20 minutes later, I received a text that tonight was observation night. I’ve never missed an observation night; not in 7 years. I am the crazy mom with the camera, the phone and the video recorder but not tonight.

Tonight, I dropped the ball. Maybe it was the migraine. Maybe it was the girls being sick the last 2 weeks. Maybe it was the hurried rush of the weekend. All I know is that in that moment that I looked down and saw that text, my heart broke because I missed my first “FIRST” ever because tonight was Gabs’ first tap observation. So, I’m sitting here sobbing, feeling like the world’s biggest failure.
I guess every mother has this moment of reckoning. The moment that we realize that no matter how hard we try, how much we sacrifice or how much we want to we cannot protect our children from the world or be there for every moment. Eventually, they will have to do stuff on their own and we have to trust that we taught them and loved them enough to know they can and that just because we might not be there in person, our hearts are with them always but damn it still sure hurts missing those moments.

What was the parenting fail that you instantly wished you could do over?

2014/10/22
Mom Claims that she is TOO POOR to Be HEALTHY and I Call Bullshit
Yesterday, I stumbled across the above photo with the caption
“ I’m too poor to be healthy! “
“If I was well off, I’d be able to buy fresh food and afford a gym membership!”

It was something I saw and immediately found hard to digest. Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW that fresh food is expensive; obscenely so. We do live in a world where it is hard and expensive to be healthy because we live in a world where everything is supersized and instant gratification is expected at all times. People are busy and there is no time. No money. See, how I did that? There ARE a million excuses as to why our lives are not as we would like them to be. This caused quite a stir on my Facebook timeline.

As someone who had active eating disorders for 8 years and who is now overweight I can tell you a few things

1) Even if you have all the money in the world and all the fresh food and gym memberships, if you don’t use them they don’t work. Believe me, middle class suburbanites all over the world can attest to this. Am I right?

2) Even if you are the “ideal” weight that does not secure that your life will be “ideal”. That’s a myth. I know. I had the ideal weight and body size and I still “needed” to lose “just 5 more pounds”. If you don’t fix your perception of yourself, you can’t be happy because no matter what you look like, you will still be unhappy on the inside. Being skinny is not a magic happy solution.

3) You have to be accountable for and to yourself in order to change yourself. Blaming others for your situation is giving up. I firmly believe that where there is a will, there is always a way. You only have to be willing to look for it and work at it.

4) The real reason most people are overweight, myself included, is simple; lack of movement, an abundance of unhealthy choices and not knowing correct portion sizes (who could blame them. We live in a world of indulgence and excess.)

** Also, I am completely aware that there are people with health and medical issues that make losing weight even harder than normal or even impossible but most of us are fat, if we are honest with ourselves, because of life choices we make. I made the choice to starve myself for 8 years. My metabolism is shot dead but it’s not impossible. I just need to work harder at it than most but most days, I still choose to eat the pizza or drink the Latte because I want it. I sit on my ass all day at a desk working. This is why I am overweight. I can’t blame anyone or anything. No one shoved the food in my mouth. No one forced me to not prioritize working out. Only I can do that and it doesn’t cost anything to walk.

So, I did my research and I found the real story behind the salacious title ( we all know how online publications like to do that) unfortunately, she really is full of shit, as I originally thought. Here is the story from the Daily Mail UK..

An obese mother-of-two who lives on benefits says she needs more of taxpayers’ money to overhaul her unhealthy lifestyle.

Christina Briggs, 26, from Wigan, says she hates being 25 stone (350 pounds for you Americans) but she can’t do anything about it because she can only afford junk food. Meanwhile, exercise is out of the question because she doesn’t have the funds to join a gym.

The single mother told Closer Magazine: ‘It’s not easy being overweight and on benefits. If I was well off, I’d be able to buy fresh food and afford a gym membership.

‘I tried swimming but it cost £22 a month and it meant I had to cut back on my favourite pizza and Chinese takeaways.’
Unemployed Christina gets £20,000 in benefits a year and lives in a council house with her two children by different fathers, Helena, 10, and Robert, two.
She left school as a teenager after falling pregnant with her daughter following a one night stand.

The family feast everyday on takeaways, chocolate and crisps as Christina says they can’t afford low fat foods. As a result, the mother is currently a dress size 26.
She has been warned by her GP that her health is in danger because of her size – medical complications relating to obesity include heart disease and diabetes. Christina is desperate not to leave her two children without a mother and doesn’t want her size to take her to an early grave.
But she insists ‘it’s not my fault – healthy food is too expensive’.
She feels her only hope is for the government to give her more money so she can afford to buy fruit and vegetables and join a gym.
She also believes she should be paid to lose weight as that would give her the motivation to fight the flab.
She told the magazine:
‘I need more benefits to eat healthily and exercise. It would be good if the government offered a cash incentive for me to lose weight. I’d like to get £1 for every pound I lose, or healthy food vouchers.

‘If the price of healthy food was lowered that would help, too. I need help, but I need it from the government.’

She added that she can’t get a job to gain more money because she’s needed at home to care for her children, especially as her daughter has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and issues with her kidneys.

She explained:
‘There’s no way I could get a job. I don’t feel bad about the taxpayer funding my life and my child’s medical problems, because I don’t treat myself or buy anything excessive. I just get enough money to live on – the taxpayers should help fund my diet.’
There you have it, all in her own words. It’s Thursday and this entire situation needs a throat punch. She KNOWS that she needs to exercise and eat more healthy. She knows that much. BUT she is making excuses and blaming others. Does she need more nutrition education? Yes! Does the cost of healthy food need to be more affordable? Hell yes to all of that! But are all of her life problems because the government is not funding her weight loss program? HELL NO!
You can’t tell me with cabinets filled with junk and refusing to give up on her favorite Chinese take-out that her current weight situation is not entirely of her own doing. Choices my friends. Buy in season veggies and fruits. Shop sales. Walk. Move. Buy frozen or canned fruits and veggies, they beat a bag of chips any day.
Here are some links to help you eat healthy on a budget:
Real Food on a Food Stamp Budget
Eating Healthy on a Budget
Good and Cheap Eat well on $4 a day
Get Healthy on A budget
Ways to Stay Healthy on a Budget
Free Online Workouts
What do you think?
Is she too poor to be healthy?

2014/10/09
How to Eat Take Out food and Stay Healthy
How to eat take out and stay healthy? That is the million-dollar question. We all know that fast food is cheap, convenient and if you’re hungry enough, almost anything tastes good. Unfortunately, eating take out fast food can pack enough calories, sodium, and fat for an entire day or more in one meal. Eating fast food on a regular basis can cause all kinds of health problems but the price and turn around time make it hard to resist. So why not make better choices?
I’m a busy mom and I love to eat fresh fruits and veggies and home cooked meals as often as possible but on those days when I have lots of work deadlines and the girls have school and dance and whatever else happens to pop up on any given day, on those days, I need help. I need take out, preferably delivered to my door and not loaded with enough calories to feed a baby elephant.
Moderation is the key. Finding a healthy, well-balanced meal in most restaurants can be a challenge, but there are always choices you can make that are healthier than others. Learn to make healthier choices when ordering
Prepare ahead by checking guides that show you the nutritional content of meal choices at your favorite restaurants. I love Fitness pal and Dotti’s food score because then I can plan my meal before ordering. If I plan early enough, I can make sure that my entire day stays on track.
Tips for making healthy choices when ordering take out.
- Make careful menu selections – pay attention to the descriptions on the menu. Dishes labeled deep-fried, pan-fried, basted, batter-dipped, breaded, creamy, crispy, scalloped, Alfredo, au gratin, or in cream sauce are usually high in calories, unhealthy fats, or sodium. Skip the fat by asking for your food to be grilled, steamed or broiled instead of sautéed or fried and request that your food be cooked “dry” which means no oil or butter.
- Order items with more vegetables and choose leaner meats.
- Drink water with your meal. Skip the pop. It’s just a bunch of empty calories. Instead order water with lemon or unsweetened iced tea.
- “Undress” your food. When choosing items, be aware of calories and fat-packed salad dressings, spreads, cheese, sour cream, etc. Ask for all condiments, special sauces and dressings on the side.
- Special order. Many menu items would be healthy if it weren’t for the way they were prepared. Ask for your vegetables and main dishes to be served without the sauces. Ask for olive oil and vinegar for your salads or order the dressing “on the side” and spoon only a small amount on at a time. Ask that they be cooked in the healthier option.
- Eat mind fully. Pay attention to what you eat and slow down. Have a side salad before you eat your main course. Chew your food. I’ve always had a bad habit of eating on the run or waiting until I am starving and then overeating. It takes time for your body to register that you have eaten. Stop eating before you feel like you are going to explode from all of that lasagna.
- Always order food your way. Order smaller lunch sized portions, avoid salt and don’t add bacon to your order. Order food with no salt and no sauce. Get it on the side and then ration as needed.
What are your best tips for eating take out and staying healthy?

Photo Josh Mazgelis
Disclosure: This is a sponsored post by EatNow but all opinions are my own.
2014/07/01
Don’t get your panties in a bunch
So, Gabs has decided that she is going to take me on a fast train ride to Crazy town! You heard me right folks. My 3 year old is behind the wheel and has the gas pedal pressed through the floorboard.
Lately, every single time I …wait a freaking minute, every single time I try to put a stitch of clothing on my child she goes completely berserk on me ( sorry, temporary relapse of Mommy brain). Son of a bitch, I have a little nudist on my hands. Shit, I was really getting worried. I thought maybe we were having some sensitivity issues. But I digress, every single time I put socks , shoes, jeans or undies on my 3 year old, she ~~adamantly vehemently~~ violently refuses. Today ,for instance, Gabs decides she wanted to put on new panties ( for absolutely no reason at all. I normally argue but it wasn’t worth the battle today). Ok, I’m game. Let’s do it. After sifting through a menagerie of panties, she settled upon a pair of Fancy Nancy panties. Promptly upon putting them on her person, she began to SCREAM, cry, and stomp her foot. I was a little annoyed and asked her what was wrong. Annoyed because we had already wasted 20 minutes ( at dinner time) sifting through unnecessary panties. Me: ” Gabs, what’s wrong?” Gabs:” Me NO Like these panties!!!!!” ( as she stomps her foot and subsequently resumes her screaming, unintelligible tirade on the awfulness of said panties). Me: (trying to remain calm..wanting to shoot myself) ” Why? What’s wrong with those panties?” You love Fancy Nancy!” Gabs: ” Well….me NO LIKE! Them keep moving from side to side.” Me: “O……..K…… ( I am speechless), let’s just take them off and find some other ones.” Gabs:( in absolute complete hysterics) ” NO!!! You NOT MY MOMMY!” ( and she puts her head down and looks up at me like she literally wanted to stomp me..opposed to the floor who is my poor substitute.) I remove the panties out of the equation. She runs off to her bedroom, bare assed, and repeats for about 15 minutes straight ( at the top of her lungs) “YOU not my Mommy! Me no Like YOU!” ( Oh yeah? Well, you’re not winning any prizes over here either) and that is where she stayed, until she realized I wasn’t following her and begging for forgiveness. Then you hear a very sweet and quiet, “Mommy…me Love you!” Choo, CHoo, All Aboard!!! You hear that train bound for Crazy town? It’s building steam. Did I mention, we had the exact same episode earlier today..just swap out panties for socks.Hey, I think this kids been to Crazy town before. In fact, I think she may be the president of Crazy town!
Apparently, socks, too, can be a life threatening affliction if not worn in just the right manner. What a terrible Mom I am. And don’t get me started on tags! Holy shit Batman, if I have to cut the tag out of one more piece of clothing for this kid. Yes, I am convinced seeing it in writing…she is a nudist!
2010/06/03
MY First EVER….Throat Punch Thursday
Throat Punch Thursday~ So, all week, I have been waiting for Throat Punch Thursday because, let’s face it, I’ve had a crappy week and I had a ton of shit to complain about..shark week will do that ya know? There was so much I wanted to punch in the throat. Then today, asshole that life can sometimes be, the sun comes out and life is all diamonds and ice cream ( yeah, its my own new saying..watch everyone will be saying it soon). I mean seriously, the day that I actually need to have a throat punch delivered life plays a happy joke on me. My husband is coming home in the morning..yey! SO, I can’t throat punch him. My girls were super awesome ( probably because I wasn’t being a raging bitch), so couldn’t would absolutely NEVER throat Punch them. I actually get to have a real life, honest to goodness Anniversary date with my husband this weekend, complete with fancy restaurant, movie and drinks ( MIL is coming to sit, so I can stay out and play in peace!) Certainly, NO throat punch there. Then I looked in the mirror and much to my OMG WTF! chagrin, seems I have spontaneously developed a bindi smack dab in the center of my forehead! Can I throat punch a pimpleBindi? Seriously, the weekend of my first date alone with my husband in what seems like a hundred years but is actually more like 5 ( still…a very long time). Where’s that little bastards throat? I’m punching…and then I am snapping a photo for posterity’s sake! Take that blemish, you bastard!

Crap!! So, I was trying to look up a photo of a bindi or a pimple to illustrate my point about my blemish when I came across this photo of Bindi and Steve Irwin. Buzz kill. I have a new candidate for a throat punch, pimple step aside, the damn Stingray that killed the Crocodile hunter. It’s gotta be a hard one, its 4 years too late but it still breaks my heart. My Bella has always loved the Wiggles Safari video, as does her lil sis Gabs, and every single time I see that crocodile hunter….I want to cry. So, new plan..I’m throat punching the damn stingray who iced the Crocodile hunter. What a cheeky bastard to do some dirty shit like kill a kids hero! Bindi, this ones for you! Truthful Mommy’s going to throat punch the crap outta that stingray and maybe Elizabeth Hasselbeck too ( just because she really friggin annoys me!)
2010/05/13
If you’ve haven’t used in in two seasons…throw it out !
I’ve been watching a lot of Real Housewives lately..don’t know why. Maybe to annoy myself, maybe I’m bored, maybe its just so rainy and crappy out there’s nothing else to do but I did happen across a very important life lesson the other day. “If you’ve not used it/needed it in 2 seasons..throw it out!” So, I am going through purging my life of needless things today. Clothing, dishes, nick knacks, toys ( oh yeah even some of the kids stuff..some of the tough love feedback from last weeks post ..stuck), all slowly decreasing the clutter. I love it. I feel liberated. Then I realize, does this only have to apply to things? What about people? I know that sounds really awful but you know what I mean. Do I really need that FB friend who only really friended me ( in my personal FB not my fan site) to be nosey? I know its true because they’ve never said anything to me except the original “will you be my friend?” If we’ve not genuinely engaged in the last two years, I say I take you off my friends list. It’s fair, right? If you have been my friend over the past 10 years and you don’t know that I have a 5 and 2 year old….then I am eliminating you from my life. See how this works? If we dated a zillion years ago and God knows we absolutely don’t care what’s going on with one another…we shouldn’t be friends. If you don’t return calls consistently and anyone who has not been genuinely involved in my life via conversation or physically (one or the other or both) in the last 2 years, then I think we are not really friends and we should just eliminate one another from our lives.People are in our past for a reason, there’s is usually a good reason they are not part of our present, so why try to force a future? I know this sounds cold but I have always tried to keep all my friendships going all the time. It is exhausting! There are some people who you can go months without seeing each other and talking but you pick up the phone and time never passed. Those are the exceptions. Those are the real friends! And those people never let 2 years pass without checking in on you. All the other relationships are a lot of work and if they are not doing their part, then what’s the point of trying. It takes two in a friendship. I don’t want to impart upon my daughters that they have to be people pleasers and keep every friend they ever make. Sometimes we just outgrow one another and life takes different directions. There is no wrong doing in that. It is evolution. But sometimes we hold on so tight in relationships that we end up either making ourselves miserable or smothering the other person with our expectations, or both. So, I’ve decided to stop holding on to the past, and concentrate on the future. I am de-cluttering my life and making room for all the wonderful things that are to come, instead of trying to figure out the past. In the spirit of that here is a little something I wrote ( feel free to use it if you’d like);
Ode to a Shitty Friend
Dear shitty friend,
You used to be my closest friend~
But now , after years of friendship thrown down the toilet by you~
You are indeed the shittiest of friends!
We used to be like sisters~
Where there was one, there was the other.
I shared in your happiness,
I was your biggest cheerleader!
Your friendship was more valuable to me than anything else in the world.
Then, the time came when we had to grow up.
The friendship could have evolved, it could have survived, it could have flourished~
But you chose to cut me out of your life.
Returning only on occasions when you felt especially shitty about yourself and you needed me in your cheering section.
You were like some crazy friend version of a booty call.
You’d call when you needed a friend and disappear when you didn’t need it.
But when I needed my cheerleader, you were no where to be found.
When I needed guidance, sisterhood, love,support and friendship,
You turned your back on me;stopped answering your phone.
I kept waiting, even coming back for more.
I figured, you needed my friendship more than I needed my dignity.
Now, the calls have become few and far between.
Maybe once every year or so, you check in~
Just to make sure that I am not perfectly happy, you like to drop in and infuse my life with a little misery.
It’s OK. I don’t get upset and cry anymore,
I barely even care.
In sad reality, I expect nothing of you
And there lies our friendship, on the floor in a million pieces.
I don’t worry about you ever reading this,
I know that you wouldn’t afford yourself the inconvenience.
There is no benefit in it for you.
Thanks for the lifetime, but lets move forward.
I have children of my own now and I can’t keep stroking your ego,
And feeding your narcissism.
I am too tired, too old, and even less interested.
Please don’t call me inebriated, professing love and friendship
and making promises that you have no intentions of keeping in the light of day.
I have endured my last frustration and worry over you.
I wish you nothing but happiness in your life~
But I refuse to any longer try to resuscitate a friendship that is so long dead.
Yours truly,
Someone who is finally coming to their senses
Happy Mothering!
2010/05/19
So much bloggy love
Wow! I have been sent so much bloggy love lately that I feel like the Katherine Hepburn of blog awards. Thanks so much to all of my wonderful readers, without whom, lets face it, I’d just be annoying the crap out of my kids with all my incessant droning on. Thank you to my husband and my daughters, without whom ( as I’ve said before ) this would be a blog about nothing. Thank you so much to these lovely ladies who awarded me with these awards ( wow! That was a mouth full!) I am so appreciative that you not only thought of me, but thought my ~~writing~~ ~~life~~ blog warranted being recognized! You Ladies rock my world! Here are the lovely awards I was given over the past week and they are listed by who gave them to me.These women are great bloggers themselves and obviously have great taste ,so please hop on over and check them out. You won’t be sorry that you did!
Peryl @Parenting Ad Absurdum
awarded me the Gorgeous Blog and the Honest Scrap Award
Passing along to
My Fantabulous Wonderful Life
Love comma Ashlee
Magically Ordinary
Honest Scrap
Passing along to
Real Mommy 365 @ Real Mommy 365
How to survive the suburbs
The Ins-&-Outs of a Stay @ Home Mom and WIfe
The Brewery
The Sunshine Award Given By
: Queen Bug @ The Dysfunction of Motherhood
Ashlee @ Love Comma Ashlee
Real Mommy 365 @ Real Mommy 365
The Sunshine Award
This goes out to those bloggers who’s positivity and creativity inspires others in the blog world!
Passing along to:
Ma whats for dinner
Reflections of a Navy Wife
The Sweet Blog Award and Blog Monster award given by Real Mommy @ Real Mommy 365
Passing along to:
The Brewery
Got one past the Goalie
Jelly Belly
The Dysfunction of Motherhood
The Sweet Blog Award
This award is for the sweet and friendly blogger
The Blog Monster!
This award is for all the bloggers out there who constantly work hard to keep an updated and insightful website. They aren’t afraid to take a bite with their honest reviews and enjoyable content. You amaze me, you inspire me so I call you a blog monster.
Passing along to:
Boobies, Babies, and a blog
Parenting Ad Absurdum
My Fantabulous Wonderful Life
Organic Motherhood with Coolwhip
All I ask of the recipients is that you pass them along to some deserving candidates! Happy Mothering!
2010/05/24