Every parent fears losing a child. It is one of my greatest fears. It doesn’t matter how of the thousand ways that I could lose them, but the very thought of not having them in my life scares the hell out of me. It leaves me breathless and overcome with sadness. The very thought of it keeps me up at night on occasion, in fact, I’m writing this post at 3:30 am. I was sleeping.
Losing a Child is something No Parent should have to Experience
I dreamed that I dropped my 4 year old daughter off at preschool and as I walked away, I turned back for one last glance. You know how we always need that one last look to make sure they are safe; that one last glance to let them know that we love them more than life itself? Instead of seeing the back of her backpack walk into the doors, I saw her run after someone. I look, it was a tall man. My little 4 year old girl is screaming “Daddy, Daddy” to a complete stranger and running off into the opposite direction. It’s not her father. I can see that clearly.
Losing a Child is like surviving your own death
I try to run after her but she’s too fast, the crowd’s too thick and my legs won’t carry me to her fast enough. I scream her name, at the top of my lungs, as loud as the universe will allow me to yell. She’s too far away. She does not hear me. I see the man target her. I can’t get there fast enough. I’m out of breath. My heart is beating out of my chest. The man, in the distance, smiles and takes her tiny hand and leads her off into the opposite direction from me. Away from me. I’m trying to push through the sea of people. I’m hysterical but no one notices. No on hears my cries for help. My child is being taken. I am helpless and useless and on the verge of crisis. My mind is breaking, my heart is bursting and my life is ending right before my very eyes.
They are getting further and further away and then she turns around. She realizes what is happening but it’s too late. The man that she so eagerly ran to when she mistook him for Daddy is putting her into his car. She looks panicked and afraid. I am running towards her and yelling for help. Why can no one hear me? Why does no one help? She is crying and screaming for me, “Mommy, Mommy. Help me!” But I can’t help her because I’m on the other side of the parking lot. The car pulls away with my daughter looking out the window, screaming, begging for me to rescue her. I wake up.
My heart is beating out of my chest. I am crying hysterically. I look over and she is peacefully asleep beside me; her little hand reaching out to find me. I willingly take it and kiss her forehead and hug her tighter than she will ever know. She stirs. Her eyes open and she says, “Mommy, me love you, ” and then rolls over and returns to her safe and peaceful slumber. None the wiser of the events that have transpired…in my nightmare. No idea of the heartache and grief that I just survived, right next to her. Me love you too baby! She may be taking the day off from preschool tomorrow.
Today, I am at the awesome Natalie’s blog; Mommy of a Monster and Twins sharing my Monster Mommy Moment. I know, shocking that I have those, right? I hope you will all stop by and check out Nat’s blog. She is definitely worth getting to know. Not only is she a fantastic blogger, she is a great person to follow on Twitter if you want someone with a dynamic personality and engaging conversation,plus she is supercalifragilisticly sweet and a great friend. Go check her out!
Also, just a reminder for you fabulous readers that I have the Shabby Apple giveaway this week. I am giving the gorgeous Lois Lane dress away to one lucky reader! Entry is easy and entries are low. Giveaway ends Thursday night at 11:59 pm EST and the winner will be announced in this week’s Fashion Haul Friday Post. Enter to win. It’s simple. Here’s to no more nightmares of losing a child and to good luck to you all to win a fabulous red dress for the holidays!
Have you been wracking your brain and every gift guide on the Internet trying to find a gift to wow? The holidays are here and everyone is trying to find that perfect gift for the woman they love. It’s no small feat because women are as different as snowflakes and no two are alike. For example, I am a tech lover but I also like beautiful girly things; CES is my Disney World and beautiful things are my weakness. These are the top things on my list this year.
If the woman in your life is into tech or fashion, she will love almost everything on this gift guide.
Everyone who knows me, knows that daisies are one of my favorite flowers because my Grandma was named Daisy. Inspired by the boundless spirit of daisies and blue skies, Daisy Dream reflects Marc Jacobs’ irresistible mix of intricate details, elegance, and femininity for a fresh interpretation of the iconic Daisy motif. The fruity-floral fragrance has a light and airy touch, bursting with top notes of blackberry, grapefruit, and pear. The heart notes are introduced with a bouquet of jasmine, lychee, and blue wisteria, and a medley of white woods, musks, and coconut water reveal the base notes.
The glass bottle is enveloped in a shawl of laced daisies, topped with a silver cap, and adorned with gold hues and daisy accents. The bottle is as beautiful as the scent inside. I didn’t think that I could love anything more than my Grandma Daisy but this scent comes close.
Maximize the fashion potential of your wardrobe with this trans-seasonal boot, crafted from waterproof leather with a wool blend shaft and decorative double buckle detail. The Simmens is lined with luxurious, natural wool for moisture-wicking comfort and features a new outsole design, utilizing cork-infused White Spider rubber for optimum traction in slippery situations. $170.
Helena Locket by BaubleBar and Misfit Flash
Make a statement with the Helena locket. It features vintage accents with classic BaubleBar sparkle. The fashion –forward accessories are as smart as they are stunning. The BaubleBar Locket opens to reveal Misfit’s sportiest tech- the Flash fitness tracker. Misfit Flash tracks your sleep and activity levels, including calories burned, distance traveled, steps taken and sleep quality and allows you to set your personal goals and check your progress. The Helena is exclusively available at Target. $69.99
The first wireless charging ecosystem for iPhone eliminates the need for cords from the lives of iPhone users. The all-too-familiar feeling of sifting through a bag, crawling under a desk or standing tethered to the wall to charge a phone is now obsolete. STACKED advances the busy lives of mobile users by enabling both a full charge and connectivity at all times, without a life full of wires.
The shortest distance between two points is no distance at all. STACKED charges faster than any other technology because it comes in direct contact with the phone. The beauty of the bundle system is that the Power Pack is what needs to be recharged, not the phone itself. The Power Pack is recharged via the included AC wall adapter, which allows up to five Power Packs to be charged at once. Users can now maintain an arsenal of wireless charging solutions at their disposal at all times. $129.
Aventura clothing is a lifestyle apparel brand that makes and sells comfortable clothing with an active focus while being thoughtful to both people and the environment. Aventura is family owned since 1965, creating a supportive family-oriented culture where the little details of life (and clothing) are cherished. Aventura makes the perfect every day clothing. It’s well made, quality clothing made to fit a woman’s body.
Aventura is passionate about creating fashionable clothing with low environmental impact. Their eco-friendly styles not only prevent synthetic fertilizers and farm chemicals from polluting the soil, they look and feel amazing. Now through December 31st, free standard shipping is available.
These chic Rose Gold headphones with A-Audio’s distinctive silhouette and sound quality can’t be beat for the music lover on your list. The ear cups with memory foam padding for comfort and isolated sound collapse for easy storage and travel. Built with 40mm custom drivers, powerful circuitry and anti-vibration aluminum for premium sound. Bonus, the Lyric has dual jacks for sharing music with friends. $199
I’ve wanted one of these since day one. I finally got one and I am in love and you will be too. It’s all the quality and ease of usability that we have come to know and love in Apple products, right there at your wrist. Apple Watch Sport features a rose gold anodized aluminum case, retina display with Force Touch. It also has a heart rate sensor, accelerometer, and gyroscope with up to 18 hours of battery life. My favorite feature, aside from voice texting, is that its water resistant so no worries if I accidentally run it under the faucet. It’s beautiful, functional and the perfect gift for any woman on your list this year. $350.
Women need the most sleep because generally we are the caretakers of the family. Yet, we are the ones who get the least amount of sleep. LilyBed has taken this into consideration and designed the first bed made for a woman’s body but strong enough for a man. A few of the amazing features of the LilyBed mattress in a box include premium cover that’s soft, cool and hypoallergenic, super soft layer surface, responsive core for perfect balance and complimentary full body support. Bottom line, it’s the best night’s sleep I’ve had in years.
Inspired by the elegance and lightness of feathers, these airy dangle earrings represent stunning, natural beauty. Shimmering stones accentuate the splendor of their stylized form, making them a great choice for eveningwear. Sparkling clear cubic zirconias and swirls of sterling silver depict feathers in these beautiful dangle earrings. $100.00
Lomo’Instant’s new wide instant camera lives up the Lomo rep. This fun vintage-inspired camera kit features three creative shooting modes and comes with three cool lens attachments (wide-angle, close-up, and splitzer), a lens cap that double as a shutter remote control and easy-change color gels that add a wash of color to your photo subjects. It’s like Hipstamatic but in real camera form. I’m as excited about this as I am the USB TypeWriter and Qwerkywriter. $259
Sleep solution made of a Bluetooth® enabled sleep mat and app that cycles through temperatures through the night to mimic your body’s circadian rhythm so that you wake up well-rested. It warms slightly when you are going to sleep; cools you down during the middle of the night, and then warms you back up to mimic your natural circadian rhythm. Starting temperature range: 69° – 105°
Controlled using free nuyu™ app which can be used with the Activity Monitor to track sleep. It is also machine washable mattress pad and hose, washer bag included. $499.99
I have a great Nikon DSLR that I depend on for most of my travel and family photos but, honestly, I am a big iPhonographer. My phone is never far away and always convenient to shoot with so I’m super excited about the Olloclip Active Lens. Olloclip Active Lens is a compact, lightweight, 2-in-1 with a telephoto lens and ultra-wide angle lens that snaps onto your iPhone 6/S or iPhone 6 Plus/6S Plus. It works with both the front and rear facing cameras on the phone too. Easy to use, just snap it on and snap it off. $99.99
Never miss the moment. When extraordinary happens, capture it with the accelerated α77 II with an astounding 79 high-density AF points, 12fps continuous shooting, and a 24.3MP Exmor CMOS sensor. Every moment is made eternal. Translucent Mirror Technology enables precise phase-detection AF in live view and movie modes. $849.
Built with individuality and simplicity in mind, Brooklyn Bedding delivers personalized comfort with a bed-in-a-box designed for every type of sleeper. Breaking the “one-comfort-fits-all” mold, three sleep comfort levels cater to every type of sleeper with Soft, Medium and Firm options. Luxurious, soft quilted pillow top cover knitted with moisture-wicking cotton for cloud-like feel and breathability. It’s like sleeping on a cloud. $450 – $1,050
Every mom I know will want this palm-sized tracking device that notifies parents of their children’s exact location via companion iOS or Android application, providing peace of mind. This user-friendly device that can be tucked in a child’s pocket or clipped on their backpack
Panic alert button sends the current location of a child to multiple devices.
Battery lasts up to seven days and can be recharged via integrated micro-USB port. Tracking services range from $5.99/month for 12 months, or $7.99/month for 6 months
The Zip is a super-simple, instant photo printer. Turn it on, connect it to your iPhone or Android via Bluetooth and hit the print button on the free app. The result: 2X3” full-color instant prints. The Zip uses special photo paper (a 30-pack only costs $14.99) that’s ink free and comes out dry-to-the-touch. $129.99
Zara is my favorite place to buy affordable clothing that is cute and feminine. The inventory is constantly updating for the seasons and I love the feminine fabrics and cuts. It’s a great selection of outfits for work and evening wear.
The DxO One will turn your iPhone or iPad into a DSLR quality camera for less than the price of a DSLR. It pairs perfectly with your iPhone so that you can take amazing photos anywhere. It shoots 2.1-MP photos and 1080p video and you can toggle between the two modes with a tiny 1-inch touch screen on the side of the device. The DxO One gives photographers DSLR-like modes like aperture priority, shutter priority, program and manual. $599.
If you are looking for something like nothing else, might I suggest an ugly sweater or Christmas jumper from Tipsy Elves. I recently received the Women’s Blue Reindeer Jumpsuit and they are the super cozy and toasty. The design has a bold blue background a white Fair isle design with grazing reindeer. The front pockets include zippers and a red accent color on the cuffs to complete the outfit. This jumper is great for Christmas morning, lounging during holiday break or wearing to your favorite ugly sweater party. Bonus, it also comes in Mens and children’s sizes.
Margaritaville®: New Key West™ Frozen Concoction Maker® This is the perfect gift to celebrate at all the holiday parties and will definitley help you ring in the New Year! Refreshed version of this classic now features an extra-large ice reservoir that holds ice for 3 full pitchers so you can enjoy the party longer before it’s time to refill
· Shaves ice, instead of crushing like other machines, for perfectly smooth beverages
· Margaritaville® maritime detailing that features a new silver base to match modern home décor
· Produces 36-ounces of restaurant-quality frozen drinks
· Includes manual shave & blend controls
· Includes a 36 oz., sturdy glass blending-jar and with Easy Pour lid
Price: $399.99
What’s your favorite present on this gift guide?
Disclosure: Some of the products on this gift guide were provided for review purposes but entirely opinions are my own.
The Rio Olympics are in full swing and so is the misogyny. What if we talked about male Olympians the way we talk about female Olympians?Unfortunately, hate to say it but this week’s Throat Punch Thursday has to go to all the misogynistic men out there. No, I’m not talking to you good feminist men. You’ve got this shit handled. You understand that women are equal. You want a partner, not a slave. You see women as people, for that I commend you.
That’s right, in this day and age, I still have to commend men who are not blind and have respect for fellow human beings because misogyny is still that rampant in our society. It happens on a daily basis, even more so than all of these police shootings of black men lately.
Aww, thank you smartphones for allowing us to reveal to the world the asshatery that plagues us. P.S. You KNOW that the twits that are shooting black men are the same sort of men who are dismissing the value of women. It’s a classic case of if you are not a white man, you really aren’t human in their eyes.
I still haven’t figured out the hierarchy though. Are black men higher up the rung or lower than women? I guess I’ll never know, being a minority woman. I’ll always be on the bottom. Lucky for you, I have a big mouth, so you’ll never forget I’m down there and you’ll always hear me. Squeaky wheel, party of all women and minorities please.
Anyways, so there have been misogynistic attacks on Hillary Clinton and Melania Trump because apparently being a woman is a liability. Having a vagina in the world puts a target on your back and it becomes a free fall for men to exploit any semblance of femininity you have as an inherent characteristic flaw.
What Melania being naked has to do with the kind of president Donald Trump would be makes no sense at all. I think he leaked it to let her take the fall for his obvious shortcomings. You know, if you’re certain that you’re going to lose an election why not blame the wife? And there have been so many crazy things said about Hillary that I can’t even list them. One of the worst, being the first woman to ever be elected as a presidential nominee and having the cover story photo be of a man. What the f*ck?
But then there are the Olympics, one amazing female athlete after another crushing it but do we give them credit? Nope, we reduce them to feminine stereotypes or attribute their success to their husbands. Firstly, gold medal gymnasts are highly evolved athletes not bubble gum smacking teeny boppers at the mall. These young ladies have poured hours of their lives, their very childhood, into becoming super athletes don’t trivialize their achievements or their sacrifices.
Also, when a woman wins a medal, don’t attribute the medal to the man she is married to. She’s the one who did the work. She’s the one who earned her spot. She’s the one who trained and made the sacrifices. Give her the glory. I don’t give a fuck what football team her husband plays for or if he helped train her. Do we give credit to Michael Phelps fiancé and coach every time he medals? Why do we have to undermine these women’s achievements? Does it make men feel better that they can take credit for our successes?
What’s next, commentary on fashion and how the female athlete’s bodies look in their outfits? Oh wait, I’ve already seen a thousand dirty comments about wanking to the women’s volleyball team. Have some respect people. Women are people too! A gold medalist is a gold medalist is a bad ass and her accomplishments should not be reduced to another pat on the back for the man in her life.
The problem with little boys is that society grooms them to grow up to be misogynistic men or rather we don’t do anything to prevent it from happening. We’re so busy teaching girls to protect themselves while living in a rape culture world that we totally (for the most part…not everybody…not you) take it for granted that boys will just know to respect girls, wait for consent and be decent. Not tell dirty jokes, grab women or use their power and leverage to, literally and figuratively, have their way with women.
Can you believe that I heard the radio DJ this morning saying, “He’s old. It was probably harmless. He comes from a different generation.”
WTF? NOPE! Sexual harassment is sexual harassment, no exceptions. Why do we always err on the side of men when they do something stupid? Why do we always choose to believe that they didn’t mean it?
The problems with little boys might just be us…wait, I did it again.#ViciousCycle
The thing is we’ve hit that strange period in parenting where boys are noticing my girls. Wait! What? Yes, apparently, my girl had her first boy “ask her out”. I know this because I heard it as she mentioned it matter a factly when she told me what she had for lunch that day.
Wait! I gotta get the baby book. Right? I mean, this is a milestone. It’s not a tooth or a first word but I think it’s a pretty important first. It was last Thursday (10/19/17)…that was for me, not you (baby book b*tches). Tawanda!
Suddenly, I find myself approaching the conversation like she is a puppy off its leash and if I speak too loudly she might run off into oncoming traffic and SQUISH! But I want to know more. I want to know everything but she can’t know I want to know everything or…you got it…SQUISH!
It takes me 3 random, nonchalant conversations to figure out what “asked me out” means to a 12-year-old these days. Turns out, it’s what we used to call flirting. Remember “Notes”? Basically, if a 12-year-old boy asks a 12-year-old girl “out” he’s letting her know officially that he likes her and maybe he wants to text her or communicate via a barrage of Music.ly messages. It’s a tween boy letting you know he’s interested and wants to get to know you better for one reason or another. But we are not quite there yet.
I ask my daughter what she said when he “asked her out”. Her exact response was, *Laugh in shock as if he just asked her if she still wore diapers (that’s my impression of what she showed me) and then she said, “Uh…NO!” Pretty much as if he asked her if she’d like to share a shit sandwich for lunch.
Now, I’ve always taught my girls to not be cruel to other children. I’ve even asked the girls to please not be mean to boys who like them. Let them down easy. Say things like, “Thank you but no” or, “I’m flattered but I’m not interested in you in that way.”
WAIT! What the fuck did I just say? Worst f*cking feminist ever*
Holy shit! I’m part of the problem with little boys!
Why do I give a flying flip about some boy’s feelings? Boys who don’t learn what consent is and think raping girls who are drunk or ruffie-ing co-eds is okay. I don’t.
I don’t care about their fragile egos. Not one bit. Because believe you me, if it’s between some strange boy’s feeling and my daughter’s safety…I don’t give a damn about your son.
See, I thought I was doing something good. I was thinking of all little boys and men as the Big Guy but they’re not. The thought of some mean girl laughing in the Big Guy’s face when he was going through his 12-inch growth spurts and looking like some kind of praying mantis creature in his tweens broke my heart. But I’m not his mama. I am my daughters’ mom in a world that treats women like they are disposable. There are a lot of creepers and misogynists out there and I don’t care about them or their imaginary right to every woman’s body.
I’ve spent the last few years consciously uncoupling with the word “SORRY”. My parents raised kind, thoughtful, well-mannered children. We were taught to say Please, Thank you, excuse me and I’m sorry.
F*ck “I’m sorry.” Sorry is appropriate when someone dies. Sorry is appropriate when you make a mistake and want forgiveness. Sorry is not for when you have to ask someone to pay you what they owe you (money and respect) or when you aren’t interested in someone in “that way.” That causes confusion and leaves them with a glimmer of hope. Nope, sorry about your feelings boy I don’t know but I want my daughter to be strong, solid and uncompromising in her NO to you. I don’t want her to be unnecessarily cruel but NO is not cruel, it is honest and no is no! SQUISH!
I really thought that if I taught my girls to be kind with their rejections, it would save some other mom’s daughter from getting the guy who had his heart broken and his ego smashed. We’ve all dated the guy who dated some crazy broad before us and it’s not fun but it’s not my daughter’s responsibility to protect your son from ever feeling bad about himself. Make better choices. She’s not the world boy feelings police and neither am I.
So while boys are on the approaching horizon sooner than later, politeness needs to be thrown out the window. I want my girls to say, “NO” loud and proud like they mean it. I want it to ring out and register like a rape whistle. Maybe that way, these little boys will get the meaning that no means no, in no uncertain terms.
Polite, demureness will get you raped and killed in a world where boys are taught that consent is a moving target. If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no, boys.
See the real problem is not little boys at all but the misogynistic men they are allowed to grow into in a world where men are king and women are expendable collateral damage.
Let’ start by teaching our little boys to respect our little girls and then go from there. The opportunity for change is now, as grown women we can fight back against the oppression that we have lived in. We can name our assailants and call them out for their crimes. I encourage it. Every damn transgression, if you can. If you want to.
But more importantly, let’s try to stop that from being our daughter’s reality. Maybe she won’t have to fight for her right to exist as a woman, a real live human being who deserves equality and respect and is more than the sum total of her female parts.
There’s nothing quite so terrifying to a woman over 40 than unintentionally skipping a period because it means one of two things, either you’re unexpectedly pregnant or you’re perimenopausal; neither option is very appealing to me at this point in my life. (more…)
It’s taken me a week to write this post because I had to suss through all of my feelings on it. Sounds crazy, right? Why do I need to have feelings on it? It’s not me. At first, I was really pissed that people were mad because why is it anyone’s business where Hilaria Baldwin is from or what her ethnicity is? Who is she hurting? But, something wouldn’t let me post that 1st version because I just felt like there was more that I needed to know. Then, I realized, I was identifying with her, as I am a white Latina. The thing is, she’s not a white Latina or a Latina at all. We’re both Americans with dark hair and fair complexions but that is where the similarities end because while I actually do have Spanish roots, she does not.
In Defense of Hilaria Baldwin and her Spanish Accent from a White Latina
I’ll be honest with you; I don’t know Hilaria Baldwin. We’re not friends. I didn’t grow up with her. I don’t know anything about her, other than that she is married to Alec Baldwin and had a bunch of beautiful babies with Latino-inspired names. She is called Hilaria, so as a Latina, I assumed she herself is Hispanic or Latina (yes, there is a difference). She looks like me; white skin, dark hair, and eyes, and spoiler alert: It’s hard being a white Latina. I don’t know if she’s Hispanic or not but she could be.
That’s right, I said it. It always has been hard and it probably always will be hard being one ethnicity and looking different than the typical stereotype that Americans expect. You think it’s hard being Latino or Black in America because people can see the color of your skin and you’re a target from the minute they see you coming? It is. It’s true. You can’t hide it. You can try. They make creams, treatments and cosmetic surgeries for just these kinds of things. People are dying trying to be white for some reason. Somehow, white has become a barometer for beauty to many. Not to me. To me, beauty radiates from within.
Yet here I am, speaking out
In Defense of Hilaria Baldwin and her Spanish Accent from a White Latina
I am a first-generation Mexican American. I am a white Latina. At first glance, you’d never consider that I’m a minority. Born in Ohio, raised in Chicago. I don’t have a thick Spanish accent. If you see me, most people have guessed that I’m Greek or Italian. When I was a child, I looked like I didn’t belong to either of my parents. My mom has blue eyes and fair skin and light hair. My dad is golden brown, with dark hair and eyes. He speaks with a thick accent, then again, so does my mom (just his is from Mexico and hers is from Tennessee.) My daughters have blonde hair and blue eyes. They are Latina. Latinos come in all shapes, sizes and shades from alabaster to bronze, so I make no assumptions.
I was raised on two languages, in two countries with two cultures. I love them both. I am proud of them both. But I was made to feel, by people who didn’t know me, who judged me based on the color of my skin, that I didn’t belong to either. I was always made to feel like I was lacking in both and needed to prove myself. I had to work twice as hard to fit in. Until I decided I just wasn’t going to care about what anyone else, except for those who either gave birth to me or I gave birth to, thought. It was very hard to navigate my formative years.
Why is it so impossible to believe that Hilaria Baldwin could have a Spanish accent?
The result is that when I am around other Latinos, my accent does become thicker because I feel freer to speak Spanish in a way that is more authentic to those around me because they understand me. I actually think that is pretty normal for most people who grew up speaking more than one language. Latino/ Hispanic is not just a label it is way of life. It radiates from within, it comes from your soul and is a receipt on all of your love for your Latino heritage and the Latino way of life. It’s a privilege.
But, I live in the United States and I have been through many years of university, I can speak 3 other languages, so when I speak English, I sound completely American. However, I go between speaking English and Spanish often (so much so that I could count Spanglish as my fifth language), probably from the years of translating it in my head when speaking to my dad or my grandparents, or celebrating Spanish mass or enjoying my childhood, constantly set to a Banda soundtrack and yes, sometimes, I forget the English word for some things, despite it being my first language, especially if I’m excited or nervous.
This White Latina doesn’t have a Spanish accent but I occasionally forget the English word for things. It happens.
While my friends call me Debi and I was born in Ohio, my full name is Deborah. Deh-BOr-AH. Maybe you say it De-BRA but that’s not how I grew up hearing it. I grew up hearing it in my dad’s rich, thick Spanish accent. Or my mother’s sweet, slow southern accent, calling out for Debi Sue when it was time for dinner. My point is that your name does not determine your culture, race or ethnicity. We are who we are and it’s not anyone else’s business or right to judge whether or not we are enough to prove it to you.
I watched Hilaria’s Instagram videos and whether she is Spanish or not, as a Latina, I am not offended. When brown and black people try to “fit in” it’s called assimilation and everyone is cool with that because it’s America and that’s what is expected (always conformity) but the minute a Caucasian dares to speak another language with even a hint of an accent (from living in another country) everyone is up in arms calling bullshit. Madonna’s acquired British accent as a grown-ass woman, I call bullshit on. Someone who spent their formative years living in another country and speaking another language, perfectly plausible. My point is why are all the white people mad that Hilaria might or might not be Spanish? Who gives any fucks? We are in the middle of a pandemic? There are still kids in cages and black men being shot dead in the streets by cops. Hilaria’s (or Hilary’s) accent is the least of any of our worries. If she faked being Latina, the only one who should really be upset is her husband because he was duped thinking he married a Spaniard woman when he didn’t.
If she were trying to dupe people for some gain, appropriating the culture as a native Latino or making a mockery of it and the people, without any of the weight that comes with it, I would be pissed. But I don’t feel that is what she is doing. In fact, I am way more offended by American’s celebrating Cinco de Mayo as an excuse to get wasted, dressing in panchos and straw sombreros at frat parties and sharing those Mexican Word of the day memes than I am by Hilaria Baldwin letting people believe she’s Hispanic. I feel like she loves the culture so much and wants to be a part of it so badly that she let people have their assumptions. If she respects and admires the culture so much so that she has learned the language, lives in the country and embraces its history and people, what is the problem?
People assumed that she was from a Spanish speaking European city because she speaks Spanish. Who actually created the issue? Why does it even matter? It isn’t like the situation with Rachel Dolezal who not only pretended to be a black woman but actually took a job that should have belonged to an actual black person. Rachel Dolezal actively lied and stole opportunities from black people; she intentionally hurt them. Hilaria didn’t clear up an assumption; these are different things. So here I am, in defense of Hilaria Baldwin and her Spanish Accent from a White Latina to you.
In the end, Hilaria Baldwin is not a white Latina or a Hispanic woman. She is a Bostonian who speaks Spanish fluently and happens to look like a Spaniard but more than that she is someone who is part of the Spanish community, maybe not by birth or blood but by choice. In the end, why is the world so offended? I’m a Latina and I don’t feel betrayed or hurt by her wanting to belong to my culture. If you are, ask yourself why?
Have you ever heard the names, Elle Darbyor Paul Stenson? Me neither until today. Talk about an influencer’s nightmare, I’m not sure it gets too much worse than this. A British Youtuber, Elle Darby, had the “audacity” to privately email a hotel, the Charleville Lodge Hotel, and ask for accommodations in exchange for “exposure” of their property. The property owner, Paul Stenson, clapped back by not only refusing and ostracizing her but doing it publicly on the establishment’s social media channels. Therein lies the snafu and now, in response to Influencer backlash, he has banned all influencers from his establishment.
Obviously, I am being facetious. If you have worked in this space for any amount of time, at least in the United States, you know this is a common practice. Not necessarily that all influencers cold pitch businesses to ask for product in exchange for promotion. That’s a bold move and to do that, you need to have some serious confidence and influence to back it up. Seasoned influencers know this. We also know if you don’t ask, it’s always a no but there is always a chance of a no and it does not feel good, even in private.
Just to put this in perspective, brands and PR firms have absolutely no qualms about reaching out to influencers on a daily basis and asking us to work for free, for “exposure” (I keep putting this in quotes because I find it simultaneously hilarious and insulting because I can’t feed my children “exposure” and if I am spending my time away from my family working on promoting a brand, I need to be compensated) or for product. I prefer cash because that’s how I pay my bills but if the product/event is something that I am interested in and the value is equivalent to what I charge for work, then I definitely do consider it. Everything is negotiable except for my opinion, which is honest and if not positive, I always give the brand the option to opt out of the post going live. You know, the whole if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all thing.
I’ve been pitched, in the early days, to write positive reviews on products without even being provided the product. Obviously, I didn’t do that because I can’t tell you about or promise a positive review on a product that I’ve never tried. Also, crafting a well-written post, editing photos, creating video and promoting on social media all takes time and effort. No one would expect a marketing executive or an advertising firm to work for free, why would you expect an influencer to work for free?
First, I think a couple things need to be defined in this space. Why does anyone care if I (an influencer) promote a brand? How do I influence anyone? Why does my opinion matter? For any of this to make sense, you have to understand what being an influencer means.
What is an influencer?
A Social Media Influencer is a user on social media who has established credibility in a specific industry. A social media influencer has access to a large audience and can persuade others by virtue of their authenticity and reach.
Why does this matter?
Using social media influencers in your marketing is the practice of building relationships with the people who can build relationships for you. Whether an influencer’s audience is small or large, an influencer can reach consumers via their blogs and social networks that your brand may not be able to.
You see while some influencers may have little influence, some have a huge influence. It’s about more than numbers, it’s about engagement, credibility and connecting with your audience. If an influencer has developed a following over time and that audience has become invested in that influencer’s life, they do care what that influencer has to say, in the same way they might value a friend’s opinion over a brand’s commercial. Of course, there has to be taken into consideration the influencer’s integrity. Are they going to give an unbiased review? That really depends on the influencer.
After years of influencers being approached by brands to work in exchange for hosting, attending events and product we know that this is common practice. It is not unreasonable or even rare for an influencer to make this ask in return. In fact, many venues/events have media inquiry pages with forms just for this sort of ask.
I am fully aware that it sounds sketchy and maybe even entitled when you randomly find out about this practice from a salacious story on the Internet about a ghastly influencer who dared ask for something like this. Pay your own way, you think. But that’s because the general population is not aware of these practices in the digital space. I can tell you, and any brand will agree, it is easier to get paid $20000 in product than it is to get paid $1000 in cash but sometimes you don’t want $20K worth of kidney beans or bras or baby toys. That has everything to do with budgets and write-offs for the companies.
Again, if you work in this space, you already know all of this but the average person does not. My brother still doesn’t understand how “the internet” pays me. I think he thinks checks fall from the sky out of thin air. I tried to explain it once but his eyes glazed over and I could see he was hearing the Charlie Brown “Wah wah wah wah” thing. So I gave up but not today, Satan.
Elle Darby, who I had no prior knowledge of before this story blew up was just trying to “live her best life” (Generation Z you make my chuckle) working with what her mama gave her. We influencers know that if a company isn’t willing or doesn’t have the budget to pay us so we can pay for those things we need to live, it’s perfectly acceptable to (what I call) work for food, or in this case a holiday. The end result is the same.
We promote their brand to our audience (which is usually their target audience because we do our research) and in exchange they provide us with a good or service that we would have bought with the money had they paid us. We’re the new pioneers. It’s called bartering. It was the original form of payment. Google it. I’m kidding…don’t Google it. I’m sure people paid for goods and service with rocks or some shit a long time ago in caveman days
The problem is the person who did the clapping back is a skilled shit stirrer. Elle Darby made one fatal mistake and that was of asking the wrong person, Paul Stenson. The wrong person got her email or rather since he is the owner, she should have googled him before she emailed and then she would have known better.
Don’t get me wrong, full disclosure, I went to his blog and Paul Stenson is funny AF and I quite enjoy the wit and honesty, with which he writes. He gives his truth and doesn’t give a flying flick what anyone else thinks, generally, I admire that quality in a human being. He doesn’t take himself too seriously and I think that may be why he was so annoyed by the Youtuber’s gall to ask for this hosting in exchange for her work. I don’t know for sure but his blog seems like a personal blog and maybe he doesn’t work as an influencer for his own blog. After all, he has owns The White Moose Cafe and Charleville Lodge that I’m assuming his salary is in cash money. Lucky bastard.
Here is where my problem stems from, the message Paul Stenson posted on FB along with his message (both below) were not coming from his personal account but from the business account which was very unprofessional. He could have simply replied with a, “No, thank you.” No harm, no foul.
Had Mr. Stenson did the same thing from his personal account, that would simply be his opinion but as he did it as a representative of the resort and released a private business email then proceeded to chastise Ms. Darby over standard practice on behalf of the establishment, reflects very poorly on his establishment. I don’t think he’s a bad person, I just think he did a social media f*ck up under his business account. He should have hashtagged that shit #hacked.
Dear Social Influencer (I know your name but apparently it’s not important to use names),
Thank you for your email looking for free accommodation in return for exposure. It takes a lot of balls to send an email like that, if not much self-respect and dignity.
If I let you stay here in return for a feature in your video, who is going to pay the staff who look after you? Who is going to pay the housekeepers who clean your room? The waiters who serve you breakfast? The receptionist who checks you in? Who is going to pay for the light and heat you use during your stay? The laundering of your bed sheets? The water rates? Maybe I should tell my staff they will be featured in your video in lieu of receiving payment for work carried out while you’re in residence?
Lucky for us, we too have a significant social media following. We have 186k followers on our two Facebook pages, an estimated 80k on our Snapchat, 32k on Instagram and a paltry 12k on our Twitter, but Jesus Christ, I would never in a million years ask anyone for anything for free. I also blog a bit which as far as I’m aware is another way of saying “write stuff on the internet”. The above stats do not make me any better than anyone else or afford me the right to not pay for something everyone else has to pay for.
In future, I’d advise you to offer to pay your way like everyone else, and if the hotel in question believes your coverage will help them, maybe they’ll give you a complimentary upgrade to a suite. This would show more self-respect on your part and, let’s face it, it would be less embarrassing for you. Here is a little video I produced which you may learn from. (just Google it)
Best regards,
Paul Stenson
P.S. The answer is no.
And Paul Stenson isn’t changing his mind anytime soon. Of course, now that I see this tweet, I feel a little skeptical about the entire situation. Was it all a media stunt for publicity? Maybe the two did collaborate, after all?
I do have to say, Ms. Darby’s “over 30” reference left a bad taste in my mouth too but let’s chalk it up to youth.
Either way, what are your thoughts on this situation who do you side with the Elle Darby or Paul Stenson?
A couple weeks ago I was reading the Huffington Post and came across a post on Dadchelor Parties~because everything’s an excuse for a Pub crawl. Have you heard of these? Did your husband have one? I think the Big Guy would certainly would have loved to have had one of these but our first was born back in the dinosaur days of 2005. You know before push gifts were all the rage? Don’t get me wrong, I think push gifts are an amazing idea. Hell fire, if I have to push a 15 inch head, 8 lb 13 ounce bundle of joy out of my woohoo meanwhile ripping myself in half, cracking my ass-bone resulting in 25 discrete stitches and a lifetime of itching from the scar…I think I damn well deserve a piece of jewelry. But a Dadchelor party? That’s something all together different!
[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”]You may think they are staring at her ass but actually these expectant fathers are staring at her flat belly:)
Dadchelor Parties~Because apparently Everything’s an excuse for a Pub Crawl
What the hell is a Dadchelor party you ask? It seems it is a last hurrah for expectant fathers before they become a Daddy. You know how they feel the need to go out with their friends , drink like camels, cat call harass unsuspecting 20 something year olds, waste our money on strippers and illicit hookers before getting married? Yeah, just like that. Because apparently getting married and sentenced to conjugal visits with the same lady forever is so hard to fathom that men feel the need to act like complete morons on their last night of freedom with the boys. Well, it now seems that men have let the secret out that there is something in fact worse than sex with the same women for all eternity and that would be denied conjugal relations with that same woman after the babies come. What ? You don’t think this is fair? Me either!
Dadchelor Parties~Because apparently Everything’s an excuse for a Pub Crawl
Where was my last hurrah before the baby was born? I didn’t get a girls weekend in Vegas to cut loose and sew my last wild oats. Hell, I didn’t even get a sympathy nap or a courtesy reach around from the OB/GYN! What I got was a crappy old lady party with a bunch of relatives that I see once every five years buying me the same crap onesie that Target had on sale and everyone else bought me…because apparently my baby was going to wear 375 size 0 onesies in 1 month. And guess what, now even the husbands get to come to the baby shower. Hell, the Big Guy was thrown his very own baby shower at the office. I wasn’t even invited.
But let’s be clear, these Dadchelor parties are just one more reason for men to go out with their friends guilt- free and have a boys night out. I think they are complete crap. So what if your life is going to change? Mine changed from the moment of conception! Morning sickness, all the things no one tells you about being pregnant and how out of control my baby bump would become, these were all collateral damage of pregnancy that directly affected my body. I guess, we ladies get to do all the heavy lifting while the boys and their village go out and celebrate their virility. Why do men deserve a pub crawl? Do they? What are your thoughts on Dadchelor Parties?
Dadchelor Parties~Because apparently Everything’s an excuse for a Pub Crawl
As I get older and I have time to breathe, out from under the weight of all the firsts of being newly married and a new mother, my dreams are once again growing. I can see clearly and I know what I want for our future. The time for pressing on, pushing through and getting by is over. I want to live in abundance without fear of how to get through the next catastrophe. I want all the easy tips to grow your savings today for a financially secure tomorrow.
I’ll be honest with you; I’ve never been one to want to be rich. But I want enough money to not worry about how to afford the life I want to live. I grew up in a blue-collar family with a stay-at-home mom and 6 siblings. We learned to get by that was our state of existence. Savings is not an option when you are living paycheck to paycheck. Don’t get me wrong, we were happy and we had food, shelter and love. When it comes down to it, we were luckier than most but I don’t like the anxiousness that comes with being the adult in the situation. I want to be financially comfortable.
Whether we want to admit it when we’re younger or not, saving money is important for securing our family’s future. It’s the very thing that can help you move to your dream home, ensure you have an emergency fund saved up and pay for things like your kids’ high school and college tuitions, quinceañeras, memory-making family vacations and their weddings.
Having savings goals gives you something to work towards, helping to motivate you to stick to your budget. It might not be fun saving but it’s extremely satisfying reaching a savings goal or paying off bills, but what happens when you get there? Growing your savings can boost your assets and provide you with even greater financial security for the future.
Do you want to be more financially comfortable? Tired of living paycheck to paycheck. Sick of feeling like you’re working your butt off and have nothing to show for it? Could you do more to grow your savings? Take a look at some of the following ideas.
Easy Tips to Grow Your Savings Today for a Financially Secure Tomorrow
Choose the right kind of savings account
Is your savings account providing you with benefits? If you’re using an ordinary savings account, you could be missing out on valuable interest that could help you grow your savings. Learning how to choose the right savings account can help you find an account with great interest rates, helping you earn money on your savings. Work smarter not harder.
Try a side hustle to put more money away
Starting a side hustle is a great way to add to your savings. But know going into it that side hustles take work, a lot of work. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it. I’m a freelancer so I am a queen of side hustles. Many people take on a side hustle to generate an extra income that can help them reach their savings goals quicker than expected. Have you considered mining Bitcoin as a way to earn some extra money? It could be an enjoyable and profitable side hustle that could even turn into a full-time venture. Explore different side hustle ideas to find a good fit, and see how it could benefit your finances.
Invest your savings wisely
Investing your savings is another way to grow them. You’re never too old to learn how to invest, with some options that are ideal for novices, as well as more experienced investors. Some employers provide investment schemes that can help you invest a portion of your salary, or you can work with a broker to help you find the right sort of investments for you. Having investments can be a great way of boosting your savings, but it’s important that you make yourself aware of the risks before you commit.
Find ways of cutting back to allow you to save more
Is there more that you could be doing to save more? There are ways you can save money every month you might not have thought about. From haggling with your phone and internet provider to cutting back on your energy use, you could make a lot of additional savings each month. Take a look at your outgoings and set yourself a target that will help you spend less so that you can save more.
Being able to save is a huge achievement – a lot of people struggle to save money successfully. But once you’re in the habit of saving, you can take things to the next level by finding ways of maximizing your savings to boost your family’s finances. With so many ways to grow your savings, make sure you take advantage to help ensure a bright future for your family.
What’s your best easy tips to grow your savings today for a financially secure tomorrow?
Spending money is something I take very seriously. I’m not cheap by any means but I know how hard it is to earn money and I know what it feels like to not have it so I’m frugal. I don’t deprive myself but if I buy something it has to be worth it to me…in some way. I don’t believe in waiting for special occasions so I want to invest in things I can appreciate every day and I want to appreciate every day like it’s the last day.
Today you can find clothes, shoes, handbags and watches ranging from a few tens of dollars to hundreds or even thousands of dollars depending on if it’s an original piece of couture by Dior, a high-end luxury piece off the rack like Zimmerman, a midrange dupe by a less expensive designer like Steve Madden, fast fashion like Primark or a mega mass-produced copy of a dupe sold on Shein. You choose your own fashion adventure but keep in mind, that not all products are created equal but they all have their place. Most people own reasonably priced pieces with a few luxury pieces interspersed within their wardrobe. Owning luxury items is not easily accessible to everyone and to be honest, not everyone cares about the brand name.
But thanks to many amazing brands, you can still have a quality fashion wardrobe on a budget if you are an intelligent and patient buyer without always paying the highest price. For example, just look at the GMT Master II guide. But the question remains: why buy a luxury item, when you can get it for less? Here are some valid reasons to wear a luxury watch!
1. To be at the forefront of technology
When we talk about being at the cutting edge of technology in the watchmaking sector, some will quickly think of the famous Apple Watch. Yet the largest watches are a thousand times more complex. Owning a luxury watch means having years of innovation, research and testing on your wrist, each more complex than the next. In short, wearing a luxury watch means having an object designed and built down to the last detail, thanks to decades of know-how. The big brands carry out all the stages of production: from the casting of gold alloys to the assembly of the movement elements, the case, the dial and the bracelet, including machining and finishing. It is a sign of the times, and a sign of fashion.
2. For social status
Wearing a luxury watch is an indescribable feeling. A feeling of confidence, exclusivity, specialness which can only be found with the biggest brands. This is valid for you, but also for others. Your high-end watch is more than just a watch. It is a symbol. It says to the world that you belong in all the rooms. When you wear luxury fashion you know who you are and it shows.
3. For the universe that goes with it
Having a luxury watch on your wrist encompasses a whole universe. You don’t just walk into a Rolex store. You enter the world of the brand. Specific smells, watches displayed in a certain way and salesmen dressed in costumes. It’s an experience. In addition, the greatest watch models have a unique history. The Rolex Submariner for example highlights its crossing of the Atlantic. Omega’s Speedmaster and his conquest of the moon. These watches do more than carry a story: they feed the legend.
4. For an irreproachable quality
The precision of assembling a luxury watch is comparable to that it takes to plan the trajectory of an earth-moon rocket. In other words, surgical precision. Wearing a luxury watch means having all risk insurance on your wrist. You have gone away for several decades with your timepiece, if not several generations. To give you an idea of the performance of these little jewels of watchmaking, NASA has equipped an astronaut with an Omega. This one remained 365 days in space.
5. To make an investment
When you buy an after all mundane watch, you are spending money. This is called a liability. On the other hand, the purchase of a luxury watch, on certain models, is a real investment. The watch will gain in value over time. After a few years, you will be able to resell it with a nice added value. This is called an asset.
