The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Impostor in the House of Mommy
Some days I wonder what am I doing? Who have I become? What have I done to deserve this? Whose life am I leading?Really, whose life am I leading?Someone please tell me and when the hell did I become someones Mommy and wife?
We all compare ourselves to other Mothers.They are our gauge. They are who we measure our self against when we are alone in our thoughts.Most likely we feel like we are coming up short.At least I do, on those days when the whole thing feels like its a house of cards and I have sneaked into the game but have absolutely no idea what he hell I am talking about or doing. I feel like I will be discovered for my deceit at any moment and my rouse will be ousted for all the world to laugh at.This is motherhood for me. I do have moments where I feel like damn, I am doing a stellar job.I am kicking ass at this gig and then I remember that I forgot to brush my 3 year olds teeth…again or that I forgot to read my 5 year old’s library book that has to go back today or we are having cereal for dinner..AGAIN. Or when they are both having meltdowns and arguing with me simultaneously and I lose it. Those are the shameful moments.The moments that I want to crawl into a cave, fall into a pool of snot and tears, and wave my white flag admitting defeat.
But who, WHO is going to do this job better than me? Who else is going to love my children with their everything; I love my kids with my entire being.That is why they can make me crazy and break me down.That is why I feel like a failure. That is why my standards are set so high. Not because I love them less but because I love them more than I know how to express. When Motherhood is good it is blissful, when my girls are sweet little angels and we are cuddling up watching some Disney movie while munching on pizza and milk or lying in bed at night, quiet and still like Gods most precious creature. These moments , I almost can’t stand how wonderful they are.These are the moments that make me question why I don’t have 6 kids like my Mom. But when its bad, its gut wrenching and mind fucking and it hurts..bad.I don’t think there is anything quite as awful for a Mother than being overwhelmed and exhausted and having to be helpless as your child runs a 105 degree temperature. You do everything you possibly can, while your hurt breaks for a whimpering child and you wait for something worse to happen.Or having to lie on top of your 3 year old little boy to hold him down as they do a spinal tap on him for his leukemia and hear him scream “I hate you Papi” as he cries helplessly and lashes out at the only person he knows that loves him so unconditionally that it doesn’t matter what he says, Papi will still love him.The helplessness is crippling.
So, when I feel like I am an impostor in the house of Mommy I have to remind myself that I am human, first and foremost. No one is perfect. We are not born Mommies. We are not sent off to school to train for this job. There is no license or certificate of achievement. There is only loving..lots and lots of loving , growing and learning. What makes you feel like a spy in the house of Mommy? What do you do when you feel overwhelmed and under qualified for this job? What makes you feel accomplished? What do you do with your children that you know is right and amazing? Now, go forth and love your munchkins because no body can do that better than you!Breathe…. Happy Mothering!
2010/11/17
The House that Built Me
I’m feeling a little nostalgic for my home and my parents. Who knows maybe it has something to do with my girls and all these firsts for them of late, the letting go and moving on a letting go some more, maybe it has to do with the loneliness and upheaval of my husband being 300 miles away on a daily basis, or maybe the fact that my Mom has been ill and I have been worried about her health…missing my Mommy. They say love makes a house a home and that home is where the heart is. I believe that. I grew up in a small house with 6 brothers and sisters, but we loved each other. It may not have been much to look at but it was home. It is where I grew from a child to a woman. (more…)
2010/08/26
Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 25 – Get Some Sleep
Today’s Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 25 – Get Some Sleep
is pretty self explanatory. We are all better parents when we get some sleep. I know its hard, if not impossible but when we are well rested we think better, function better, react more maturely.
God knows I am guilty of not getting enough sleep ( i.e. regularly posting at 2 am) but with school starting, I’ve been forced to check my routine. There is no way I can go to bed at 3 AM and wake up at 6:30 and be any good to anyone. Plus, I am pretty sure I’d be as mean as a caged animal. So,I’ve been shooting for midnight and waking at 6:30 and it seems to be working. Now, on nights when I’ve actually gotten 8 consecutive hours of sleep, I’ve been told I am pretty damn pleasant to be around.
#25: Get Some Sleep
I realize that it’s not always feasible for us to get a full night’s sleep, but set your Tivo or DVR, put some projects , emails, blog posts on temporary hold, and get some sleep. It’s really quite amazing what an extra hour (or 4) can do.Happy Sleeping, my friends!
2010/08/25
Be A Better Challenge- Day 21-23
Friday’s Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 20 – Keep a journal
I’d love to say I did a fabulous job but that would be a total lie. I had visitors from out of town and it was impossible to find time to post , little lone journal. I am however going to give it a try this week. I’ll keep you posted. How did you ladies do?
Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 21 – Fake it
Try curtailing your “anger” (which The New Girl determined was more of an impulse control issue rather than anger) by actually faking it. Rolling your eyes, moving along, and pretending.
You’ll see in the comments that she’s not at all saying that you should fake how you’re feeling. Big difference. So that’s not what I’m talking about at all.
But in many cases, we often let ourselves blow up quickly when really, if we just rolled our eyes and looked at the bigger picture, we’d have way fewer massive blow-ups.Basically,we need to fake our reaction. Feel your feelings but fake control:)
Let me know how that works out for you. I know I will have to work hard on this one. I have a quick temper and I have to work hard to step back and think. I am interested to see how this works out.
Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 22 – Dates with your kids
Whether you’ve got one kid or a bunch, it’s really important to spend individual time with them. It’s obviously a little easier when you have just one, and then, increasingly more challenging the more you add to your brood.God knows I spend most days feeling like one is being left out. It was so much easier for me when I only had one. I adore both, but its hard work making sure everybody gets the same attention and no one feels left out or slighted. Lucky for me, they have no issue with letting me know!
So #22: Plan a date night with your kids
Granted, it doesn’t need to be a night, obviously, and it certainly doesn’t need to be anything extravagant. In fact, it could be something that you always do together, month after month. Breakfast out? Trip to a special playground? An afternoon at a museum? This is difficult for us Mommies who are part time single Mothers or those who are actual full time single mothers but it is possible. It’s hard for me to give them each individual personal time because they are so close in age and I can’t justify leaving one out. I am planning on making the time while my 5 year old is on school, special time for my 3 year old and I. I will do the same for my 5 year old, while the 3 year old naps. It’s the best Ic an do.
There are so many fantastic ways for you to connect individually with your kiddos, especially outside of your home, which always seems to be bogged down with 400 things that you need to do other than spend alone time with them. But if you can look past the laundry and the ignore the dishes, quality time can easily be spent int he comfort of your own home.Let me know what ideas you have fro “Date Night” with your kids. How did it go?
And how did faking it go?
Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 23 – Give ’em choices
Only a little over a week left, folks. I hope you’re still with me.I hope that you are feeling like you’re getting something out of this. I am loving the challenges and feel like I am being proactive in my parenting.
I also have noticed by utilizing these techniques I have eliminated a lot of the regular tantrums and meltdowns that we were having, which is AWESOME!!!
And I do hope you found some ideas for date “nights” with your kids. I realize that those are a little hard to do impromptu, but you can certainly plan ahead.
#23: Give ’em choices
Giving your kids choices is a fantastic way to get them to do what you want without a battle (ha) but also to allow them some control, which is super important – particularly for the younger set (i.e. 2-5ish). The key here is to only give them TWO. Yes, and only choices that you actually want to abide by, Don’t make offers that you have no intention of keeping. This is how I have always done choices and it seems to work pretty well. It creates a sense of autonomy without letting them get out of your realm of control.
Forget “What do you want for lunch?” questions and give them options. Just two.
Or when it comes to getting out of the house “You can put your shoes on and come with us, or leave them off and stay here.”This is one of my favorites, Basically, look kiddo you can do as I say and get to go do something fun or we can just stay here. My girls chomp at the bit to get out of the house ( they have their Mama’s cabin fever gene) so usually it goes as I plan. Of course, if you are dealing with a overtired or sick child, expect the unexpected sometimes they go rogue and you find yourself punished and unable to leave the house:(
My favorite: “You can pick up your clothes off the floor or I can pick them up and take them all to Goodwill.” Desperate times, mamas.Desperate measures. This works with my girls because they are clothes fanatics. But you get the picture….”Pick up the Barbie dolls or I will pick them up and give then to the homeless!” See, its easy..just be sure to follow through or you will lose all control….forever!
Anyway, you get the idea. Now go give it a try. Let me know how it goes!
Just a reminder, the Month of September, I will be doing a month long Be a Better Me (You) Challenge in celebration of my Birthday! Hope you can all join me. There’s more to us than just being a Mommy, so next month we will give some attention to that woman:) Also, I am trying to reach a goal of 1000 followers by my birthday September 25, so if you are not already following please do.If you already are please pass it on to your friends who you think might like it, tweet it, Facebook it. Only 432 more followers needed:)Happy Mothering!
2010/08/23
Monday Minute

*Favorite 80s flick?
All time favorite absolutely has to be 16 Candles!
How my heart swooned for Jake Ryan as a teenager:) Sigh*

*One genre of music needs to be banned. Which genre?
It all depend on my mood, but normally I’m not a fan of the Smack my bitch up rap music

*All time favorite candy?
Love the Turtles!

*How ‘flawed’ is your driving record?
Speeding and a lil reckless driving is it.

*What was high school mascot?
The WILDCATS!!!
and finally
What color socks are you wearing?
The intention is to work out, so I am wearing white ankle socks with YOGA PANTS and a ponytail of course.

2010/08/23
Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 29 – Read and Learn
I am super duper sick today! I mean like cold sweats, runny nose, sore throat, ball of mush , I keep losing my balance and getting dizzy. I need to just lie here and veg out. So, I am sharing Kristen @ Motherhood Uncensored’s post verbatim on today’s challenge.I will hopefully be back to myself or more in the range tomorrow but I didn’t want you to miss out on today’s challenge. OK,Never mind I couldn’t do it. I have loyalty to you people Have mercy on me, if it sounds ridiculous..its because I am ridiculously ill.
Today’s Challenge #29: Read and Learn is quite simple. Find parenting books and read them.
Alright, so maybe finding the time to do that is not as simple as it sounds. I have had Eat, Pray ,Love all summer long and have only gotten 30 pages in. I have had Woman, God, 7 Food on my coffee table and have yet to crack it.I even made a failed attempt at reading and finishing 1-2-3 Magic, but I never got around to finishing..that explains some things!
Since I had the bug guy has been traveling a lot this year, I have not really had the opportunity to read much at all. My intentions are good and I am quite the bibliophile but when I have 2 kids who need everything from me at all times, it’s not easy to make a case for reading and ignoring them.Luckily, they have started going to bed really early since school started ( 6 ish) but I am trying to maintain my blog and I actually work online int he evenings so there’s that. One hand I have a ob that pays money, on the other I have my blog that is my passion and then there’s reading…obviously reading gets pushed to the back burner. Yes, I read books to my kids and I read the parenting books but that leaves no time for leisure reading unless I decide to forgo sleep, oh wait, I already gave that up fro blogging!
So, may resort to leaving books that I want to read in the bathroom.Though it kinda grosses me out to think about that. But as a last resort, you never know. I may actually get to finish Eat, Pray, Love.
Fortunately, most of the parenting books I’ve read I can skim, or at least read as a reference book, so I actually do get to glean information from them without reading the entire thing. Also, you can get a bunch of these as audio books or on your fancy readers, which might make it easier for you to digest them more quickly.
Here are some of Kristen’s favorites (these are all Amazon affiliate links, by the way):
1-2-3 Magic (great discipline book)
Protecting the Gift (how to keep your kids safe)
Parenting Beyond Belief (for those of you who practice secular [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][non-religious] parenting)
Raising Freethinkers (the sequel to PBB)
Tell me your favorite parenting books! [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
2010/08/29
Be A Better Parent Challenge- Day 21-23
Friday’s Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 20 – Keep a journal
I’d love to say I did a fabulous job but that would be a total lie. I had visitors from out of town and it was impossible to find time to post , little lone journal. I am however going to give it a try this week. I’ll keep you posted. How did you ladies do?
Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 21 – Fake it
Try curtailing your “anger” (which The New Girl determined was more of an impulse control issue rather than anger) by actually faking it. Rolling your eyes, moving along, and pretending.
You’ll see in the comments that she’s not at all saying that you should fake how you’re feeling. Big difference. So that’s not what I’m talking about at all.
But in many cases, we often let ourselves blow up quickly when really, if we just rolled our eyes and looked at the bigger picture, we’d have way fewer massive blow-ups.Basically,we need to fake our reaction. Feel your feelings but fake control:)
Let me know how that works out for you. I know I will have to work hard on this one. I have a quick temper and I have to work hard to step back and think. I am interested to see how this works out.
Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 22 – Dates with your kids
Whether you’ve got one kid or a bunch, it’s really important to spend individual time with them. It’s obviously a little easier when you have just one, and then, increasingly more challenging the more you add to your brood.God knows I spend most days feeling like one is being left out. It was so much easier for me when I only had one. I adore both, but its hard work making sure everybody gets the same attention and no one feels left out or slighted. Lucky for me, they have no issue with letting me know!
So #22: Plan a date night with your kids
Granted, it doesn’t need to be a night, obviously, and it certainly doesn’t need to be anything extravagant. In fact, it could be something that you always do together, month after month. Breakfast out? Trip to a special playground? An afternoon at a museum? This is difficult for us Mommies who are part time single Mothers or those who are actual full time single mothers but it is possible. It’s hard for me to give them each individual personal time because they are so close in age and I can’t justify leaving one out. I am planning on making the time while my 5 year old is on school, special time for my 3 year old and I. I will do the same for my 5 year old, while the 3 year old naps. It’s the best Ic an do.
There are so many fantastic ways for you to connect individually with your kiddos, especially outside of your home, which always seems to be bogged down with 400 things that you need to do other than spend alone time with them. But if you can look past the laundry and the ignore the dishes, quality time can easily be spent int he comfort of your own home.Let me know what ideas you have fro “Date Night” with your kids. How did it go?
And how did faking it go?
Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 23 – Give ’em choices
Only a little over a week left, folks. I hope you’re still with me.I hope that you are feeling like you’re getting something out of this. I am loving the challenges and feel like I am being proactive in my parenting.
I also have noticed by utilizing these techniques I have eliminated a lot of the regular tantrums and meltdowns that we were having, which is AWESOME!!!
And I do hope you found some ideas for date “nights” with your kids. I realize that those are a little hard to do impromptu, but you can certainly plan ahead.
#23: Give ’em choices
Giving your kids choices is a fantastic way to get them to do what you want without a battle (ha) but also to allow them some control, which is super important – particularly for the younger set (i.e. 2-5ish). The key here is to only give them TWO. Yes, and only choices that you actually want to abide by, Don’t make offers that you have no intention of keeping. This is how I have always done choices and it seems to work pretty well. It creates a sense of autonomy without letting them get out of your realm of control.
Forget “What do you want for lunch?” questions and give them options. Just two.
Or when it comes to getting out of the house “You can put your shoes on and come with us, or leave them off and stay here.”This is one of my favorites, Basically, look kiddo you can do as I say and get to go do something fun or we can just stay here. My girls chomp at the bit to get out of the house ( they have their Mama’s cabin fever gene) so usually it goes as I plan. Of course, if you are dealing with a overtired or sick child, expect the unexpected sometimes they go rogue and you find yourself punished and unable to leave the house:(
My favorite: “You can pick up your clothes off the floor or I can pick them up and take them all to Goodwill.” Desperate times, mamas.Desperate measures. This works with my girls because they are clothes fanatics. But you get the picture….”Pick up the Barbie dolls or I will pick them up and give then to the homeless!” See, its easy..just be sure to follow through or you will lose all control….forever!
Anyway, you get the idea. Now go give it a try. Let me know how it goes!
Just a reminder, the Month of September, I will be doing a month long Be a Better Me (You) Challenge in celebration of my Birthday! Hope you can all join me. There’s more to us than just being a Mommy, so next month we will give some attention to that woman:) Also, I am trying to reach a goal of 1000 followers by my birthday September 25, so if you are not already following please do.If you already are please pass it on to your friends who you think might like it, tweet it, Facebook it. Only 432 more followers needed:)Happy Mothering!
2010/08/23
Mommy Truisms;the Labor Day edition
Just a few more of my Mommy Truisms to brighten your Labor day!
- Labor is like being stuck in rush hour traffic~annoying, boring,uncomfortable and full of anxiety
- Delivery is like minding your own business and suddenly being kicked in the head by a unicorn flying overhead~ painful, unbelievable and magical.
- Watching your child learn/experience something for the very first time is more awesome than winning the lottery and a lot more likely to happen in your lifetime.
- Vaccinations hurt Mommies 97% more than they actually hurt our children.
- Listening to what your 3 year old is trying to tell you is so much more important than any phone call, email, television show, chore~all that other stuff will still be there, your 3 year olds childhood will not.
- Firsts are so hard because they lead to lasts.
- The first time you leave your child alone with strangers (school, ballet, soccer, gymnastics, daycare) you will cry and feel extreme guilt~ You are NOT a bad Mommy!
- Guilt is just a side effect of being a great Mommy!
Happy Mothering, my friends!
2010/09/06
Hopping, Fawking & a pretty much all around Good Time!
Happy Friday everyone! It’s that day of the week again when its time to get your socialization on! Once again, I am blog hopping like a madwoman trying to reach my birthday goal of 1000 followers by September 25th. So, if you are visiting please follow and if you already follow..thank you so much!
Just wanted to let everyone know that the Be a better ME Challenge is in full swing already.Please stop by and link up! We all deserve to be a priority on our to do list! So let’s get our self love on!
Hope you all have a glorious long weekend with your lovely families ; enjoy one another, relax,and just embrace the now! Happy Mothering!And if you are a Mommy Blogger please grab the badge to the right

1. If I didn’t have to work anymore I would…. travel the world with my family and then travel some more!
2. My favorite thing about a vacation is …. getting away from the minutia of my everyday;experiencing new things, people, places, and the vacation mentality…all bets are off, there are no limits.
3. When packing for a trip I…. pack half the house up because I have little kids, then I squeeze all of my husbands and my stuff into a carry on bag. Always over packing ( cause lets face it all I really need is a pair of shorts, t-shirt,a bathing suit,a pair of jeans, a nice shirt and a dress & undies, of course) and never actually bringing what I actually want to wear.

4. If I could go on a road trip with anyone (dead OR alive) I would choose…( aside from the big guy) my 2 best girlfriends; Nikki and Nicole because we would have an absolute blast and we would go somewhere in the Mediterranean were there is loads of sun, beaches, hot men for your viewing pleasure ( as we are all married and looking is all we can do:), good food, good wine, and good friends & conversation; really what more could I ask for?
OOPs, just saw that it said “ROAD TRIP” so same people, same, reason, but we would go from Chicago to the west coast, enjoying some girl time, the great outdoors, culminating in California with some good shopping and spa treatments!
5. My top 3 absolute travel essentials are …my iphone, my sunglasses, my toothbrush!

6. Vacations are … a well deserved break from every day life.

7. On vacation you must always …relax, enjoy your surroundings, live in the moment, leave your worries far, far away.
Now for my FAWK yous of the day:
- Fawk you to this jacked up sickness that has taken me hostage for the past week. Sure I love sounding like an old smoker, coughing up my lung, cold sweats,and general malaise as much as anyone but enough already!
- Fawk you to my RX laced cough syrup that helps me to sleep but makes me see unicorns and ligers. Oh wait, no ..no fawk you to that!
- Fawk you to having to “watch the money”! I just want to experience a little bit of excess of money sometime.
- Fawk you to Irish football starting this weekend; my town is overrun with crazed football fans jamming my route to Bella’s school. Get out of my way people!
  Fawk You to the little one catching whatever I have. Sick Mommy + Sick Baby = Not a good time!
- Fawk You to my 3 year old telling random people “You must be going to have baby. Your tummy is all lumpy!”
- Oh yeah, FAWK ME because she said it to me too:)
2010/09/03
Be A Better Me ( You) Challenge – Day 21 ~ Listen to your heart
Yesterday’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 20 ~Be nice to someone; Pay it forward
is one that I plan on getting started on right away. I already let someone cut in front of me in the drop off line at school. They seemed frustrated and in more of a hurry than me so I figured, rather than getting annoyed to just let them go. Hopefully, that small gesture will make their day go a little smoother for them. It was a very small gesture, I know, but it’s got to start somewhere. Hope you are being nice to others today and paying all random acts of kindness forward!
Today’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 21 ~ Listen to your heart.
Really listen to what your heart wants. The only true key to happiness is following our hearts desire. Certainly, it is smart to follow your head, but I think total rationality is overrated. How many people do you know that go along or do things because they are supposed to not necessarily because they want to? What kind of quality of life are we having if we always do the right thing..or what is expected? Sometimes you have to be brave and follow your heart, even if it seems crazy. One of the craziest things I ever did was agreeing to marry the Big Guy after only dating for 3 months. My mind told me I was crazy if I said yes and my mind told me that obviously he was crazy for asking. I thought about it long and hard, but my heart kept drowning out the negativity of my brain. Of course I was afraid that it wouldn’t last, that impetuous leap he asked me to take. But my heart kept saying, You are crazy if you don’t take the leap. It could end in embarrassing failure or it could be the biggest and best adventure of your life. It could be your happily ever after. My heart talks a lot, just like the rest of me:) I took the chance and it was scary for me to make such a rash decision but look at where I am now; 11 years of marriage, 2 beautiful little girls, and more love than I could possibly have imagined. Listen to your heart, it just may open up all the hidden treasures that your life has to offer.Besides, I think our heart knows what will truly make us happy opposed to our head who only knows what society says will make us happy.
2010/09/22