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  • Maggie Goes On A Diet

    Maggie Goes On A Diet

    Maggie Goes on A Diet ~ Is a new book with a targeted reading level of ages 4-8 years old and coming out in October of this year by author Paul M.Kramer. It is complete with cartoon like pictures and will be readily accessible and easy to read by your preschool-elementary aged child.

    Synopsis: This book is about a 14 year old girl who goes on a diet and is transformed from being extremely overweight and insecure to a normal sized girl who becomes the school soccer star. Through time, exercise and hard work, Maggie becomes more and more confident and develops a positive self image.

    Maggie Goes on A Diet, eating disorders, body dysmorphic disorderMaggie Goes on A Diet; Don’t do it!

    I have not read the book, or seen any excerpts, nor will I. This book will not be allowed in my house. I am the mother of two little girls and a survivor of eating disorder and forever a fighter of body dysmorphic disorder. Never heard of it? Let me help you become educated by defining something that has defined me for most of my life.

    According to the Mayo Clinic: Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a type of chronic mental illness in which you can’t stop thinking about a flaw with your appearance — a flaw that is either minor or imagined. But to you, your appearance seems so shameful that you don’t want to be seen by anyone. Body dysmorphic disorder has sometimes been called “imagined ugliness.”

    When you have body dysmorphic disorder, you intensely obsess over your appearance and body image, often for many hours a day. You may seek out numerous cosmetic procedures to try to “fix” your perceived flaws, but never will be satisfied. 

    A leading Cause: Environment. Your environment, life experiences and culture may contribute to body dysmorphic disorder, especially if they involve negative experiences about your body or self-image.

    This has consumed me since about the age of puberty and will probably be a battle that I fight every day for the rest of my life. I have been told that I basically can not trust anything I see in the mirror. Do you know how that feels? Can you imagine not being able to trust your own judgement? It may seem inconsequential or vain but when you don’t see the real you in the mirror, that becomes a problem. This goes way beyond being unhappy with gain of 10-15 pounds. This is never being satisfied with my appearance.When you never feel physically good enough, or sub par, it takes a toll on your life in almost every facet. It’s a little easier for me now because I know that the disorder exists within me. With therapy and education, I have been able to begin to not allow the disorder to define me . I know that I will probably never be satisfied with what I see in the mirror and that is not a reflection of some ineptitude on my part but a symptom of the disease, in that I can take some small comfort.

    Maggie Goes On a Diet

    This book cover alone disturbs me deeply. This may seem innocuous but the message it sends to a child will be profound. This is how my reflection has always been but the opposite. No matter how small I was,  I only saw someone large and ugly in the mirror. Not that the two go hand in hand, they certainly do not but for me (in my disease) I always needed to be just a little bit better. A little bit taller. A little bit smaller. My hair a little bit longer. A little bit curlier. A little bit straighter. My lips a little bit fuller. My eyes a little bigger. My nose, oh the bump on my nose, was monumental..practically a mountain. Boobs perkier. Legs longer. Fingers longer.Do you get the picture? No matter what I may have looked like, it was NEVER enough. For me, this book fosters this behavior. It sets a standard that perfection in appearance equals perfection in all areas of your life. This is simply not true. It never has been . It is an impossible standard. The next step in the progression would be eating disorders. Obviously, if you think that having the perfect body equals having the perfect life you are going to do all tat is necessary to reach that goal.

    I do not believe that children should ever be put on a diet per se. I understand restricted diets for medical reasons; diabetes, allergies, etc. but just because a child gains a small amount of weight, I don’t think they should be put on a “diet”. It is our responsibility, as parents, to insure that our children get good quality healthy food and live a active lifestyle. We are the examples. We are the caregivers. I have had my own issues with food that I have had to deal with.They were dealt with long before I had children but it has made me aware that it is my responsibility to make healthy choices in mind, body and soul for the sake of my children. When anyone, a child or adult hears the word diet it instantly has a negative connotation associated with it. I feel that using the word diet with a child is imprinting a flaw in their mind. If I had it my way, my girls will never worry about the scale. I feed them a balanced diet and keep them active with play and dance. I don’t want them to know or care what they weigh. I just want them to be satisfied with who they are and to know that they are beautiful and perfect, as is.  This book undermines that lesson and teaches children that to be beautiful, popular and a star of the team , you must be aesthetically pleasing to others and beautiful. This book cover alone screams the message that to be happy with your life, you must be perfect in the mirror. Shouldn’t the message be that to be happy in your life, you must be beautiful on the inside and satisfied with your place in the world not the size of your dress?

    Just Say No to Maggie Goes on A Diet

  • Throat Punch Thursday ~ Dr.Oz of Arsenic and Apple Juice

    Throat Punch Thursday ~ Dr.Oz of Arsenic and Apple Juice

    Throat Punch Thursday~Dr.Oz, Arsenic, Apple Juice

    Arsenic is harmless?

    Dr.Oz of Arsenic and Apple Juice~ I won’t lie, I was a little disturbed when I heard the report last month about Mott’s apple juice and it’s high amounts of arsenic. Arsenic?? Yes, I know, like everybody else who’s ever taken a science class in elementary school, that apple seeds have arsenic in them. I know this.I try to be a good crunchy mom. I guess, when it came to giving my girls apple juice, organic all natural APPLE JUICE, I was so worried about pesticides and hormones that I completely forgot about the effing arsenic inside the damn apple. You know the apple that they use to make the apple juice. Arsenic, you sneaky little bastard.

    When Dr. Oz televised his findings of arsenic in apple juice, I was not fear mongered into being cautious, I was reminded once again to put cut back apple juice on the list. One more thing for that neverending list. People are all pissed and bent out of shape, making Dr OZ the villain because they don’t want to hear what he’s saying. I know we’ve all been giving our kids copious amounts of apple juice in those damn sippy cups. Let’s be real, Organic milk is expensive and it spoils a hell of a lot faster in the hot sun in those sippy cups than any arsenic ridden apple juice. We didn’t know any better. We gave our kids apple juice because we thought it was healthier than the Kool-Aid and Tang we were given as kids. NO? Was that just my house?

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    Dr.Oz, Apple juice, Arsenic
    Deborah L.Rothenberg

    Poor Dr.Oz nobody likes the Arsenic Police

    Problem is that we don’t really hate Dr. oz for sharing his findings. He just happens to be the messenger bringing the bad news and well, we all know what happens to the messenger. The argument is that arsenic in small doses ( those allowed by the FDA, who by the way probably doesn’t allow their own children to drink the apple juice..I’m just sayin’) is not harmful. Dr.Oz argues that we don’t know the long term effects of this higher dose of  arsenic. I say, at what level is giving poison to your child acceptable? I think most of you would agree that the correct answer is NONE! What next , will the out of control Dr.Besser show up and tell me red-faced that arsenic is harmless? Oh yeah? Dr.Besser how much rat poisoning is safe for human consumption? Ridiculous? Exactly, my point!

    Throat punch goes to anyone who tries to tell me that ANY amount of arsenic is healthy for my girls to drink. It may be harmless but it may be poisonous. Either way, I don’t want to take the gamble on arsenic when the cost is my girls’ health. I know that it seems that nowadays everything has some sort of carcinogen, poison, pesticide, hormone, antibiotic, or poison in it or maybe we just never saw the arsenic on the label because we were too busy throwing stones at the fear mongering messenger. What are your thoughts on the arsenic in apple juice dilemma? Is this study ( or just the reminder of the topic) enough to scare you straight on the arsenic and apple juice situation? Will you be thinking twice before filling your baby’s sippy cup with arsenic apple juice next time? I know I will. Or do you agree with Dr.Besser that arsenic is harmless in small doses?

    Just Say no to Arsenic in your baby’s apple juice

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  • That Day My Teenage Girl Told Me How She Really Felt

    That Day My Teenage Girl Told Me How She Really Felt

    Teenage girls get a bad rap. They are painted as moody, bitchy, argumentative creatures who are just plain mean, even cruel at times and above all else, they hate their mothers. I’m not sure that’s a true representation. I know being a teenage girl is difficult on a good day.

    Now, I’ve never personally hated my mom. There was a brief moment in history when I thought I knew better than her and I was inclined to telling her so. I believe it the ages of 15-17. I talked back so much, it’s a wonder that I have any teeth left in my head. I was very willful and headstrong, as children becoming adults often are. I was one step above throwing tantrums.

    My mom was a saint, aside for the occasional moments when she just couldn’t stand it anymore and would, without saying a word, push her bony knuckles into my thigh. Don’t feel sorry for me, I deserved much worse and now, I know what restraint it took to not say a damaging word to me.

    I always wanted to skip that part of motherhood and to be honest, I was terrified of it. It was the part when my mom and I put some space between us, or rather I did. I took every word and look as a transgression from her. She really could do no right. Now I see, how hard she was trying. After all, when I was 17, she was a mother of 4 teenagers, a 10-year-old and a newborn. I don’t know how she managed and right now, I applaud her for not killing us all.

    READ ALSO: My Daughter Loves Me; the In-Between Years

    People warned me of what I had to look forward to when my own girls entered the teen years. I had nightmares of my sweet, loving daughters turning into gum smacking, eye rolling, ish talking monsters but mostly I feared the wedge it would drive in our relationship. Honestly, it’s been hovering like a rain cloud for their entire childhood. I think it’s part of why I’ve tried so hard to build an open, honest relationship with my girls. It’s what I always wanted with my own mom.

    Don’t get me wrong, my mom and I were close. She’s one of my favorite people but I think we could have been closer had we clung to each other during the rough patch rather than have pushed one another away. Heated emotions allowed us to walk away. At the time, I think we both felt it was to cause less damage but in retrospect, it allowed for complacency. I realized some relationships are worth staying and fighting; the one with your mom is one of those.

    Here I am many years later, entering the teen years again. This time I’m the mom. I’ve put in 13 years preparing both of us for this moment. It’s been work and consistency every single day. It’s meant having hard discussions, being completely open and not being perfect. It’s meant tears and hard choices but always my heart was looking to the long game. Every moment has been a teachable moment. There is no room for complacency in my motherhood.

    I never know if I’m doing it right. Most of the time, it feels like I am doing it absolutely wrong. But then every so often, my daughters do something that validates everything I’ve been doing. It’s never big sweeping gestures. I don’t want those. Anyone can do those, it’s like going to church on Christmas. It comes in quiet moments in the form of unexpected words or actions that I’m not even sure are meant for me to see. It’s in the kind of human beings they are becoming but sometimes it’s more obvious but still just as powerful and meaningful and I find myself crying because I am moved.

    READ ALSO: Tips for Raising Teenage Girls and Not Damaging Your Relationship

    Why am I talking about this? Well, a couple weeks ago I was visiting my parents alone. No Big Guy and no girls. I actually got to be just a daughter for the first time in many years and it was glorious, but that’s a post for another time. Anyways, back to my story.

    While I was at my parents’ house not being in charge and having all of my whims indulged, my phone dinged. I was mid-conversation with my mom. Ironically, it was my daughter. Wasn’t sure that I wanted to open the message because, honestly, I was in such a good mood and I just knew it was going to be the girls pulling me into an argument they were having or them trying to convince me to overrule a decision their father had made. I never do that by the way because marriage=solid front.

    Anyways, against my better judgment, I opened the message from my teenage girl.

    Did I mention this was during the last couple weeks of school so hell was breaking loose? The girls bickering had gotten out of control. It moved beyond simple arguing and tattling to a full contact sport and it was exhausting to watch and to mediate. This is one of those moments when I completely feel like I am failing at parenting. But, I can’t ignore my children. I opened the email and this is what I found.

    Not going to lie. It made me cry. It made me puff out my chest. It made me feel all the feels and I immediately ran over to my own mom and showed her what an amazing granddaughter she has. She raised me, so she gets credit too. And I think we both felt all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that even if our relationship may have been strained for a few years, it made me the mom I am today. A teenager who randomly sends her mom this song for no reason at all, well, I’d say I’m doing something wrong…at least on that day.

    Love your teenagers the way you loved your toddlers; same kid, different body. You keep putting that love out there, even when everyone wants to walk away and it’s easier, you keep momming that kid. You might not know it by looking at them when they’re ignoring you and rolling their eyes but they see you. They hear you. They love you and they know you love them unconditionally. P.S. It might kill me when they leave for college.

    What has your teenage girl or teen boy done that’s surprised you?