The TRUTH About Motherhood

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As Graceful as a Bulldog in a China Shop
The Big Guy and I have two daughters but long before we ever had 2-legged babies, we had Saffaron, our Brindle Boxer. She was an amazing dog and she gave me a little taste of what it would be like to be a mother. She taught me to give of myself, to be selfless and to love and nurture something that was completely dependent on me. Last August, after 13 years as our first “baby”, our Saffaron died and our hearts were broken. Last Christmas Lola came into our lives.
Lola is our 13-month-old, red and white, Victorian Bulldog. She is big, beautiful, mischievous and vivacious. She brings laughter back into our home. In her old age, Saffaron was quiet, introspective and docile. Lola is nothing like Saffaron. When our daughters were little, Saffaron would let them love all over her and never with so much as a nip or Grrrr. They learned to walk holding onto Saffaron for dear life because they loved her so much they always wanted to be wherever she was. She happily accepted her new role in the family as beloved protector to the 2-legged babies. When she passed, our daughters were beside themselves. Not completely understanding their feelings about the situation, the girls asked for a new puppy.
Enter Lola, silly, funny and full of energy and life. She is fierce! She loves the girls like crazy and protect them with her life but she is still a baby herself. She has no patience for lying around or kids who want to lounge when they should be running outside. She is a herder of children only she doesn’t know her own strength and her energy is limitless. She needs lots of exercise to wind down. She loves long walks and running with wild abandon throughout the house; sometimes knocking us down in the process. In fact, they should probably change the saying to “ As graceful as a bulldog in a china shop.”
We are always looking for fun, creative, non-dangerous for us ways to get Lola outside and burn off some of that extra energy and if we get some exercise too that’s a bonus. In fact, the holidays are right around the corner so there is no time like the present to start getting into shape. Luckily, Purina, who is known for creating good things for our pets, has created Purina® Pro Plan® Fitness Group Page.
This site is a partnership with MapMyFitness that many of you are probably already familiar with from your own get-in-shape efforts. The Purina® Pro Plan® Fitness Group Page challenges owners to get active with their dogs, and provides a way for us to track that activity. It’s a great thing because Lola is a part of the family and we want to keep her around for as long as we can so that means keeping us all healthy plus it’s a great example for our children. Family walks are a great way for us all to get some exercise and talk. It’s a total win-win.
From September 30 to November 13, Purina’s Leash On Challenge is… ON. We are doing it with our Lola. What about you? Join me in the Leash On Challenge here. Do it for 30 days in a row and you can earn a chance to win a year’s supply of Purina® Pro Plan® Dog Food. A whole year of free Purina dog food!
Purina® ProPlan® has partnered with MapMyFitness and created the Purina® ProPlan® Fitness Group Page to get pet owner’s more active with their dogs. Check out the Fitness Group page here and start getting active with your dog today!
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Purina® ProPlan® . The opinions and text are all mine.
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2013/10/21
Vi and Va Hit the Mark with my Little Latinas ( Giveaway)
This is a compensated campaign in collaboration with Vi and Va Dolls and Latina Bloggers Connect.
You all know how skeptical I get about ethnic dolls. It seems that most times, the manufacturer either over shoots the mark and we end up with something like the Mexico Barbie fiasco with a cartoon representation of an entire race or no real effort is made at all and we end up with the same Barbie only with brown hair. This is also not acceptable. There has to be a happy medium.
There is a new Latino culture inspired fashion doll line for little girls, Vi and Va (Viva!).
They are sold exclusively at Target so I am assuming since most of us spent at least $80 twice a week in that joint, we’ve all seen them. I was provided one of each doll for review purposes.
Viviana (Vi) and Valentina (Va) are teenaged sisters. The other two dolls in the series are Felicia and Roxxi who are not just friends, but family. All four of the girls are related. The purpose of the line is to help young Latina girls embrace their heritage while showcasing the diversity in the Latino culture and celebrating family bonds. This is what the press release tells us.
Here is what I think. My girls took the dolls out of the boxes and immediately loved them because of the diversity in how they looked. You see, my girls understand that not all Latinas look alike. We come in all shapes and sizes (like the rest of the population). For example, my sister is 5’2″ has jet black, very curly hair, green eyes and beautiful olive skin. I am 5’7″, have dark brown, wavy hair, light brown eyes with flecks of green, very fair skin with freckles. My daughters have blue eyes, one has straight and the other has wavy, blonde hair and both are very fair-skinned. We are all proud Latinas and I was happy to see a doll that looked sort of like all of us.
I know that some people were offended by the fact that the dolls came with a boom box, an art easel, a baking tin and a guitar. I get it. I was offended that the Mexico Barbie had papers but I can’t be offended by what the Vi and Va dolls have because, in my house, we do all of these things.
Both my girls and I have guitars. Both girls have an art easel and regularly can be found walking from room to room with a sketchpad in their arms. Both of my girls have been in ballet since they were 2-years-old and you’d better believe that while we don’t have a time machine so we can’t get our hands on a boom box, my girls can’t pass up an opportunity to dance if music is playing on Pandora. And if I’m really being honest, my 10-year-old loves to cook. This not something I forced on her. My husband is quite the chef and she enjoys cooking with him. I’m not offended by the accessories, at all.
The dolls come dressed in bright, vibrant colored clothing with bold patterns and prints. You know, just like most teens (Latino or otherwise) are wearing these days. In fact, when I asked my 7-year-old about the dolls this is what she had to say, “I like them because they look like me and Bella and they dress like us. I only wish that they switched the things they do because I am the artist and Bella likes to cook!” What can I say, I think if making all little Latina girls feel “Latina” was the point, they hit the mark, at least for my girls because when you don’t look stereotypically “Latina” sometimes its hard to feel included.
My girls have been playing with them non-stop since they opened them. I really think they feel special because there is a “Latina doll” with blonde hair (like them) but she’s Latina. That might not make sense to you if you are not Latina, but if you are you know exactly what I’m taking about.
They only had two small complaints. First, they are annoyed that the 1 million Barbie outfits they own, won’t fit the Vi and Va girls. They are built different than Barbie; shorter and curvier. Secondly, the doll’s feet are weird. What can I say, I am not a fan of feet on anyone but there should be a warning for small children, “Do not be alarmed, the tiny toes are there, you just can barely see them.” Other than that, my girls really like the dolls.
Look, these dolls are not supposed to take the place of human role models. It’s just a very small step to making our littlest Latinas feel like they belong, are represented and help them to be proud of their culture. I think Vi and Va does that wonderfully.
As for role models, well, that’s my job so I’m not too worried that just because a doll happens to have a baking pan, my daughter might begin to believe that she is supposed to be barefoot and in the kitchen. I want my daughters to know that they can be and do anything they want, no matter what they look like, where they are from or what others think of them. I want my girls to know that if they are willing to work for it, there is nothing they can’t do.
If you like the Vi and Va line and would like to find out more about what’s going on with these diverse, modern Latinas you can find them on the website, Facebook and Twitter.
I’m giving one lucky reader a Vi and Va Birthday Celebration Doll Pack.
What? A Quincinera and a Sweet 16 party in the same year? If you think your little girl would enjoy this set, please enter to win via rafflecopter below.
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This is sponsored post in collaboration with Vi and Va Dolls and Latina Bloggers Connect. However, all opinions expressed are my own.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
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2015/04/24
What to Do When Your Tween Gets Bullied
Now that my daughter is getting older, I have found myself faced with the question of what to do when my tween gets bullied. It’s not like when they were toddlers. My daughters seem to be magnets for bullies. Despite being nice kids who are friendly with almost everyone (according to their teachers), they always seem to be the target of bullies. Now, I know we live in a world where parents like to overuse the term “bullying.” I don’t think I do but when you go single white female on my child and then harass her relentlessly when she just isn’t that into you, I think that constitutes being a bully, bordering on harassment and just a scoatch out of the stalker realm. Any way you slice it, you’re not being nice and I just don’t trust the situation.
My girls have had a bully almost every other year since preschool. I’ve taught my girls not to take it personally and to ignore these people. This is for my kid than the bully. I don’t want my daughters obsessing over what someone else thinks of them. Honestly, it’s irrelevant. I also don’t want my kid being teased, hurt and harassed because another kid doesn’t like something about them. Can’t we all just get along and move along.
I live in a reality based world. I don’t expect everyone to like everyone else. Sometimes it’s nothing more than non-compatible personalities. Hey, we’ve all known someone who we just don’t like based on fundamental personality differences and that’s okay. I don’t even want my girls to want or try to be liked by everyone because that just sets them up for a life of people pleasing and, pardon my French but, f*ck that.
This is how bullying usually goes. My kid starts acting weird. I ask them what’s going on. They don’t want to tell because they don’t want to tattle and they feel embarrassed that someone is picking on them, making fun of them or harassing them. I ask a few more times and finally, they end up breaking down and telling me.
I tell them to rise above it, ignore it and it’s not about them, it’s the fault of the bully. Bullies have low self-esteem and it manifests by them being mean to others to make themselves feel better. It’s a weak person’s way of leveling the playing field. Instead of rising to the occasion, bullies prefer to pull you down to their level. I also tell my children to tell me and they’ve done nothing wrong. Then, I handle it with the powers that be.
You see, in a world where kids plant bombs and go on shooting sprees, in a post-Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan world, I don’t believe in a “kids will be kids” do nothing parenting. I in no way fight my children’s battles but I also do not stand by and let my child feel like they are alone in the situation. I have no problem contact the school or wherever and keeping them abreast of the situation. Which brings us to this past weekend.
For a couple months, my daughter has been telling me that a girl at ballet doesn’t like her. Up until now, it’s been what I’ve perceived as a non-compatible personality situation. Petty things like bringing all the girls in class a piece of candy and purposely excluding just my daughter. Granted, it’s a shitty thing to do but it’s not “bullying” it’s just being a punk kid. I told my kid to ignore it and I bought her a bag of suckers and on the day she took them into ballet, I made sure she had enough for everyone. I thought let’s kill it with kindness. I’ve always taught my girls that you can’t control others reactions but you can control your own actions so put good into the world and if someone doesn’t return it then that is on them, not you. You do good, that’s all that you can do. Well, that didn’t help the situation at all.
Then, this particular little girl decided to try to befriend my daughter’s core group of friends. One-by-one she starting talking to them and trying to ingratiate herself into their lives by plying them with sweets and trinkets but her fatal flaw, as soon as they would talk to her, she would say something mean about my daughter and reveal herself to be the mean-spirited person she really was. Two of the girls were friendly to her in the way you are friendly to colleagues, which is essentially what they all are but she wanted more.
Still, she was calling my daughter prissy, annoying and saying that she talks too much. I mean, she is my daughter so she probably does talk a lot and prissy and annoying, well, that’s just that damn personality thing I was referring to. However, then it began to get weirder. Her tactic of befriending was more of collecting friends to exclude my daughter. It was more about alienating my daughter than having friends.
These girls are all tweens ages 11 and 12-years-old. My daughter has a group of four “best friends” who talk every day and have sleepovers and genuinely care about one another, more than just like a colleague more like sisters. They are protective of one another but they are a good group of girls. They are not mean. They actually try to be very diplomatic, as much as you can be at that age.
So, a couple weeks ago, the bully decided that if I can’t steal the friends and exclude Bella (my daughter) they will all suffer my wrath. First, she started calling one of the little girls “fat” to the three other girls. I told my daughter that they should shut it down and tell the bully it wasn’t okay but not tell the girl who she was calling fat because it would only hurt her feeling and make her feel embarrassed. Let’s be honest, as a tween girl, being called fat can have some serious ramifications, especially if you’re a ballerina. 12-years-old is when my eating disorders were first triggered. Then, she told another one of the girls that my daughter was fat, which by the way she is not even close to being. This girl just knows that calling any girl fat, no matter her size especially in their industry, is a trigger.
She is not saying any of this to the actual girls she is talking about but rather telling one of the other girls in the group. It’s like she enjoys not only talking shit about one girl but torturing the other girls by putting them in this awkward position. All the while, she is trying to befriend each of the other girls, except for my friend. She eventually goes through the entire group calling them all names like fat, can’t dance, blackhearts, prissy, annoying, clumsy, untalented and talks too much. It’s all very superficial but it really hurts these girls’ feelings and in the end, it’s not about whether I think it is serious or not, it’s about how it’s making the girls feel and they feel terrible. It’s about the effect it has on the bullied child. Then the notes began.
Apparently, the girls sticking together only angered the bully and she decided to attack them in letters. It started two weeks ago. She stuck a note in my daughter’s ballet bag that read, “I don’t like talking to annoying, prissy people. Sorry, not my type.” And she signed her name. My daughter didn’t even tell me. She crumpled it up and threw it into her bag. I guess my rise above it mantra is sticking.
Not getting the reaction she wanted from my daughter, she went on to one of her friends and wrote her a creepy single white female letter. Basically saying, your other three friends are shit and they called you shit when you weren’t here. Then she went on to say, let’s have a sleepover and exclude those girls. You need to become best friends with me, etcetera, etcetera. It was a very weird note but that’s the gist of it. Instead of taking the bait, the girl who was given the note shared the note with the other girls at a sleepover they had on Friday.
Instead of being mean back to her, the girls googled how to write a form letter and then must have ended up on some manager training site because they wrote a letter with the formula “for every bad thing you tell her to say something nice and always use empathy.” They brought me a copy of both letters because, as my husband says, the kids all know that you’re the mom who gets shit taken care of.
Super long story slightly shorter, I spoke with the principal and the director at the ballet on Saturday morning. They took it very seriously because the 4 girls also brought the original f the note the bully write and their reply for proof. You’d think they were going to court. I was assured by the ballet that it would be handled.
The girls as a whole at ballet were given a warning about behavior and etiquette and how this sort of petty behavior and bullying would not be tolerated. They were reminded that they are a company and are supposed to be tolerant and supportive of one another. However, the bully has an older sister who is friends with my daughter and her group of friends. She told her mom what her little sister had been up to and the mom handled her daughter, the bully. Did I mention this all happened on a performance day?
We all went home and thought it was handled. Until Sunday when one of the little girls was cleaning out her ballet bag and found a second note basically threatening my daughter and her group for getting her into trouble. She called them idiots and jerks and said she would get revenge at ballet and to have great lives in hell. Concluding with, I hate you. She wrote this note after she had been reprimanded by the ballet and her mother. So basically in the face of punishment she was angry enough to say to hell with the consequences.
I am dumbfounded. This has been going on, on and off, since last spring but has been slowly escalating. It’s to the point now, especially after the last note, that I don’t feel terribly comfortable with my child being around this child. I feel it’s getting to Tonya Harding levels of desperation.
What would you do if your tween gets bullied?

2016/10/17
I’m HARDCORE!
I 3 weeks ago just received this beauty from the awesome Ms.J @ https://boobiesbabiesblog.blogspot.com, who happens to be one of the most hardcore chickies I know. I have been so wrapped up with all the craziness that is my life my Mommy/wife duties that I completely forgot to post it and pass it on. Be rest assured, ~J, I am so honored to be the recipient of such an awesome award. Thank you for thinking I am , indeed, hardcore! I’d also like to thank my husband who has left me with this single mothering gig throughout the week, which is indeed making me more hardcore by the minute:) Thank you to my girls, without which this would be a blog about nothing. Most importantly,thank you to my readers…YOU are Hardcore and I love you all!!
The ‘rules’ of The Hardcore Award are going to be…
Link and list 5 (or less) people who you think are awesome, amazing and rockin’ and then share a few things that you think make YOU awesome! I think that people are so used to being humble and don’t want to seem narcissistic but Mami thinks EVERYONE should think they are awesome and amazing and rockin’. Maybe your an amazing baker or you have a great butt…whatever it is…tell the world and feel good about it! Yeah! Oh and you need to let them know someway (a comment is prob easiest) that you have awarded them.”
What makes ME awesome? I think I excel at all that I do, when I am not overwhelmed and failing at it! I am an overachieving multitasker and a perfectionist. I am a big boobied hot mess who loves with all that she is, makes a fool of myself on a pretty regular basis to make those I love smile.I am honest to a fault, masters wielding intelligent , fashionista when I have the time and desire so not too often anymore, hardcore effin MOMMY, WIFE, FRIEND, and BLOGGER EXTRAORDINAIRE! Oh yeah, and I am Modest…very Modest!
I think if you read my blog-you must be hardcore-but I’m gonna adhere to Mami’s rules hook up a few specific people!
- Mrs.Beer@https://thebreweryblog.blogspot.com/
- Peryl@https://blog.seattlepi.com/parentingadabsurdum
- Jennifer @ https://thetoyboxyears.blogspot.com/
- Gucci Mama @https://www.mamastillwearsgucci.com/
- The Vegetable Assassin @https://vegetableassassin.blogspot.com/
I know its probably faux pas to give the award back to my giver but I just want to say, ~J @ https://boobiesbabiesblog.blogspot.com/ really is awesome. Please go check her out. Her blog will leave you in stitches and she always has great giveaways! Happy Mothering all!
2010/04/27
What Gwen Stefani Taught Me about Parenting
I learned something life altering at the Gwen Stefani concert last Sunday.Raising girls has taught me to be a better woman. My little girls are no longer little girls. . It is beautiful and sad at the same time. On one hand, they amaze me by the young ladies they are becoming but on the other hand, to be honest, I am nostalgic for the babies who so desperately needed me. I’m torn. Happy for this new phase of real closeness that’s replacing the relationship where I got to be the hero. But, on the other hand, I do miss being the hero. Being human in your child’s eyes is both humbling and liberating but absolutely equalizing. Everybody who has ever had a child that’s grown into an adult knows this. I’m still figuring this all out.
Something strange is happening in our house, the girls are growing up and turning into actual human beings that I love spending time with. The thing is that this is not what I expected. I based my parenting beliefs on one untruth that my daughters would naturally separate from me as they grew older. I was dreading it but this is something I was counting on saving me from dying from a broken heart when they leave for college. But, contrary to my experience with my own mother, we seem to be growing even closer as they enter these years and this scares the hell out of me. How am I to survive the pending separation in a few years?
I’m not the kind of mom who would ever keep her kids close for her own satisfaction. I had that done to me and, honestly, I think it truly altered the course of my life. No, I believe that if you love something you have to set it free. I have to give my children wings to fly, no matter how much my selfish heart wants to clip them and keep them with me forever. The thought of not seeing their faces every single day breaks my heart. I try not to think about it too much.
Lately, I find myself catching my breath at the realization that I made this. When they were newborns, I used to be in awe of their sheer perfection. How could someone so imperfect give life to something so amazing and unscathed? But now, I sometimes watch them while they sleep and stand in silence and awe because I can’t believe these amazing humans they are becoming. It’s more than just cute and smart and funny, it’s big hearts with passionate minds and an openness that blows my heart wide open. They’ve been living in this world and they actively pursue goodness. They strive to love in a world filled with so much hate. They inspire me to be better. Then I’m stopped in my tracks when I realize they are reflections of their father and I and that’s wow. HUGE!
I remember being thrilled with each passing milestone; each defiant act of independence made my heart explode a little bit. The thing is this summer, there has been a huge shift happening, one I never anticipated…my girls are becoming human beings that I really enjoy being around. I thought I’d never be able to love them more than when they were sweet little newborns and toddlers and depended on me for survival but there is certainly something to be said for your children choosing to be around you rather than just needing to for survival.
This summer has brought some slight physical changes in my girls, things I won’t talk about because it’s my blog and not my story to tell, but I will say at a time when most girls begin to shut their mom’s out, my girls seem to be turning to me for guidance. Yep, I am as baffled by this as you because when I was a tween and I started “changing” I shut my mom out, first thing. But instead, they’re coming to me with questions, and for hugs and guidance.
Somewhere between the last day of school, all of these little changes have been happening very subtly. My cute little caterpillars are changing like whispers into butterflies. We have real conversations about real things and they listen and want my advice. It’s almost overwhelming because I was prepared for battle and instead, I’ve found allies. I didn’t think it was possible to love them any more than I already did but I was wrong. The bond is getting deeper.
The changes are small, minute almost, but they are definite. Suddenly, my baby is almost as tall as me and her feet are only a size smaller than mine. We can shop from the same stores and in the same departments but the thing that surprised me the most is that instead of wanting to be nothing like me, they want to be exactly like me. I don’t deny them this because they could definitely have worse role models. Sometimes I feel a little embarrassed when the oldest wants to dress alike because I’m sure the perception by strangers is that I’m trying to look younger by dressing like my daughter. That’s definitely not the case. I think, in her way, she uses it as a way to pull closer to me at a time when she feels herself naturally pulling away.
It’s a whole host of moments that have happened this summer. The kind that you’d miss if you weren’t paying attention. Moving into the juniors department and leaving the kid’s department behind. A new perspective and dedication to the things they love, not that of a fickle child but of a determined young lady. Suddenly, they are spending more time at the side of the pool talking to me on a lounge chair than cannon balling. Then there are the glances from boys that I don’t think they even notice, but I see it happening.
They are finally cool enough to enjoy Gwen Stefani in concert!
Their taste in music has improved drastically, they now love to play the violin, i got one from https://www.runthemusic.com/violin-for-kids/. We’ve long been past the days of the Wiggles and YoGabbaGabba (well, not too long they will still listen if a CD finds its way into the cd player) but they have been comfortably smack dab in Radio Disney land and that’s ok. They love pop music but suddenly they are developing a taste for alternative and rock and and an openness to all kinds of music (like myself). In fact, we took them to their first ever concert (that wasn’t a kid’s group) to see Gwen Stefani and her This is what the truth feels like tour and they loved it and we loved seeing them love it. It was definitely a moment that I will never forget. So for example, your child loves rap music, let them attend those concerts or join them by searching for rap concerts near me because you can definitely cherish those moments with them.
School starts back next week and I’m honestly sad to see our summer together over. The school year brings with it obligations, rehearsals and a full schedule. We literally have one free day a week. I only have 7 more years, 7 more summers with my oldest in my house before she leaves for college and I can tell you definitely, it is not even near enough.
They say childhood goes by fast but in those first few days holding your newborn, you can never imagine just how fast. It’s a flash and I think if you do it right, when the time comes to send your child out into the world, it will break your heart into a million pieces but you will be able to take peace in the fact that they know you will always be their home and you are always there if they need to come home. At least that is what I’m believing from my short 11 years of parenting.
What was your Gwen Stefani moment this summer with your kids?
2016/08/05
Throat Punch Thursday ~ WTF America?
School stabbings. School shootings. School bombings. Children molested by trusted adult. Nanny murders children. Mom drives minivan full of children into ocean. Terrorists bomb the Boston marathon. Teenagers knock out unsuspecting adults for “fun”. Teens lure an unpopular teen out to some deserted place and kill him because they are bored. Kids cyber bullying kids to the point of suicide. Young girls get gang raped and videotaped while others watch. WTF America? Does anyone else feel like the world has become the unsafest place in the universe? The world used to feel safer; more innocent. Less cynical. It seems that lately no one is safe, anywhere. Unfortunately, as people are no,t as of ye,t living on Mars, this is all we’ve got.
When I was a child, we played outside until the streetlights came on. We rode our bikes up and down the block with no supervision. We walked to school with a group of friends. Our parents trusted our friends’ parents and people were kinder to one another. There was a modicum of respect for human life. It wasn’t perfect, we had serial killers and we were cautious. Sure, there were assholes. There always are but for the most part, when you let your kids out of the house to go to school or left them with a babysitter, you weren’t afraid that it was the last time you’d ever see them.
The other day, I saw a video from 1987. It was a group of 18-year-old guys in Orlando at a convenience store with their camera asking strangers questions. Actual strangers interacting with one another, no smart ass comments, no knock out game, no bullying, no bullshit..just simple human communication. There was no real point to this video. It was just a rare snippet into an innocuous moment in history before every moment was documented. It made me nostalgic for those days before whatever this is happened. If you tried that same thing now, you would be ignored or worse, assaulted.
There were no school stabbings. You used your words.
When I was a teenager, back in the 80’s, high school boys would call high school girls that they didn’t even know because they had seen them in the hallways or a friend told a friend about so and so, actual human interaction. Yes, boys would actually cold call girls on a landline telephone. Start a fucking conversation and try to impress her, maybe even ask for a date. Hell, some guys would even pull up after school and offer you a ride home. If the girl liked him, more often than not, girls would take the ride or at the very least give him her phone number. Sounds crazy, right? Sounds like something that would give me a heart attack if my daughters did that today. Back then, either there was not so much danger or we just didn’t know about it because there was no social media and Internet. I miss those days. I miss my ignorant bliss in a time when people knew what consequences were.
I am sad that my girls live in a world where they will never fully know trust in another human being. They will never not be exposed and bombarded by social media. I am sad that they might never know the butterflies that you get when a boy who likes you walks over to you and makes adorably awkward conversation because now it’s all text and social media and there is nothing “adorably awkward” about a teen boy’s penis in a sext or finding out your hotness rating on some website. The world has become to in-your-face for my liking. It’s abrasive and feels unsafe to me.
Yesterday morning, Alex Hribal, a 16-year-old at a Pennsylvania High School went on a stabbing and slashing spree for no apparent reason. At 7:15 in the morning, he ran through the hallways slashing and stabbing anyone he could get; 22 people in 5 minutes. His attorney says that he is “confused, scared and depressed”. Yeah, well, guess what? Who gives a shit what he is. His time for fucking counseling is over. The only ones who have a right to be confused, scared and depressed are his vicitms…the American people that this asshole has made feel, once again, unsafe in their own homes.
I am so sick of the Alex Hribal, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, Adam Lanza and James Holmes of the world. So they were a little weird and misunderstood. So fucking what? We’ve all been an outcast at some point or another. We’ve all felt alone but that doesn’t give you the right to take it out on innocent people. They say he might have a mental illness. Get therapy. Take your meds. Talk to your parents. Change your life but don’t take other people’s children with you because you’re having a fucking bad day! Many of us have mental illness but most of us don’t go batshit crazy and try to kill everyone in sight.
We live in a world where every single morning when I drop my little girls off at school and watch them walk toward the school hand-in-hand, I get a knot in my stomach and pray (literally PRAY) that this is not the last time that I see them. How twisted is that?
Something has got to change. We can’t unring the technology bell that has gotten us to this point. We can’t make people like people but we can raise our children in a world where they are not taught that if everything is not going their way they can just go crazy and kill people. It’s a fucking temper tantrum. It’s a poor pitiful me pity party of epic proportions. We hover and coddle and then we turn our children loose into the teen years with no social skills and an expectation of instant gratification. They don’t know consequences and they feel like the world owes them a pound of flesh because everything’s not going their way and they exact their punishment. We are raising a generation of narcissistic assholes who are so detached from human emotion that they can walk into a school and stab 22 people, shoot 26 elementary aged children, bomb an entire marathon of unsuspecting onlookers, shoot up a theater with families and not give a shit because all they care about it how they “feel”.
We have to change this. I can’t bear to hear about one more school stabbing or shooting. It starts with us, the parents. We need to teach our children that there are consequences to their actions. We need to teach them that life is not always about getting what you want or how you “feel”. Sometimes life sucks but we make changes, we talk it out, we get help, we fight for ourselves and we move on.
We teach them that these bad days don’t last forever. We quit raising kids who think the world revolves around them; who think that if they fail it’s the end of the world. We teach them to learn to get over rejection and work harder to be better. We teach them to respect human life. We teach them tenacity and self-confidence. We let them know that we are there for them and that we love them unconditionally and we pray that’s enough.
What are your thoughts on the school stabbings?

photo Trang Nguyen
2014/04/10
Mamas Latinas
Client: Mamas Latinas
Website: https://www.mamaslatinas.com/
Task: Freelance Writer
https://quemas.mamaslatinas.com/blogger/43/deborah_cruz

2019/04/27
SheKnows
Client: She Knows
Website: https://www.sheknows.com/
Task: Freelance Writer
https://thestir.cafemom.com/blogger/109/deborah_cruz

2019/04/06
CafeMom
Client: Cafe Mom
Website: https://www.cafemom.com/
Task: Freelance Writer
https://thestir.cafemom.com/blogger/109/deborah_cruz

2019/04/06
The Problem With Education Vouchers is that Some Kids Don’t Belong in Private Schools
Okay, at the risk of sounding like a complete asshole, I want to discuss Education Vouchers. Our state has recently put into place a program that provides education vouchers for many children in the state to give them the financial ability to attend a private school of their choosing. Sounds awesome. Finally, children who were not wealthy could still have access to a private education.
I grew up poor but was always at the top of my class. I worked my ass off because my parents stressed the value of a good education. It was important to our family.Had the voucher program been in place when I was a kid, I could have gone to private school and received a more challenging education than what my public school education could provide.
My girls attend a private co educational school because we place value and importance on education. We are by no means wealthy but we made the choice to prioritize our girl’s educations over other things.We made the decision to sacrifice in other areas. We go without some things so the girls can get the best education we can provide for them. Unfortunately, even though we are not wealthy we also don’t qualify for the education voucher but I was still 100% in favor of education vouchers because if it could help one kid who needed it to get to an education they deserved, it was perfect.
Here is the problem, the education voucher was a great idea in theory prompted by people with seemingly good intentions but in fact, it is failing miserably, in my own personal experience. You see when you attend private school, there are usually a battery of entrance requirements; interviews, stipulations, testing. Parental involvement is a must and if it’s parochial, so is involvement in the church. At out school, the staff know al the parents because we volunteer on a regular basis. We see each other several times a week and we are in many ways, a family. But when you attend private school on an education voucher none of that applies. None of it. None.Of.IT!! I don’t think that is fair at all but that’s not here or there because fair is a luxury life doesn’t usually afford us. This is not me being an elitist snob this is me stating facts.
Every morning at drop off, I see kids whose parents took the voucher and forced their kids to attend private school. Some want to be there but others don’t. I don’t begrudge a parent for wanting better for their child but if you are going to go in, go all in and be involved with their kids education more than just dropping them off at school. They are not required to be involved in school activities like the parents of traditional students. At our school, traditionally it is required that the entire family be involved. There are requirements and expectations in place for both parents and students.
We oblige because we want the education for our children and we want to optimize the experience because we are invested ourselves, financially and personally. What bothers me is that the parents of the children attending on vouchers are not required to volunteer at the school or attend the church. Since the voucher went into effect, our school rating has fallen. I think it has a lot to do with uninvolved parents who are not invested in the program because they didn’t have to pay for it and in effect, children who take for granted what they’ve been given. It’s just not that important when you don’t have to earn it or pay for it.
I’m paying a lot of money in tuition for my kid to go to what is becoming a subpar school while these other parents send their child to the same school for free. We bust our ass to meet the stringent requirements as a family in order to attend the school. Meanwhile, the parents of the voucher students don’t have to do anything. My issue is not with the children, my issue is with the program. There needs to be equal admissions qualifications for all families, vouchers aside.There needs to be academic standards in place as criteria for admissions. Some sort of academic testing should be in place and there should be an interview process in which the parents are made aware of and held to the same standards as all the other parents and students.
I think financial need should be a qualification but there needs to be testing to make sure they deserve to be there; that they can keep up educationally and that they actually want to be there. If they don’t qualify then they shouldn’t get to attend the school; voucher or not. Why should the kids whose parents have worked their asses off to provide them with a great education and who have worked hard since kindergarten to be a part of the school, now have to accept the new lower standard in education excellence?
What do you think about kids being accepted into private schools simply because they qualify for free tuition through education vouchers?
2014/01/15