The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Maggie Goes On A Diet
Maggie Goes on A Diet ~ Is a new book with a targeted reading level of ages 4-8 years old and coming out in October of this year by author Paul M.Kramer. It is complete with cartoon like pictures and will be readily accessible and easy to read by your preschool-elementary aged child.
Synopsis: This book is about a 14 year old girl who goes on a diet and is transformed from being extremely overweight and insecure to a normal sized girl who becomes the school soccer star. Through time, exercise and hard work, Maggie becomes more and more confident and develops a positive self image.
Maggie Goes on A Diet; Don’t do it!
I have not read the book, or seen any excerpts, nor will I. This book will not be allowed in my house. I am the mother of two little girls and a survivor of eating disorder and forever a fighter of body dysmorphic disorder. Never heard of it? Let me help you become educated by defining something that has defined me for most of my life.
According to the Mayo Clinic: Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a type of chronic mental illness in which you can’t stop thinking about a flaw with your appearance — a flaw that is either minor or imagined. But to you, your appearance seems so shameful that you don’t want to be seen by anyone. Body dysmorphic disorder has sometimes been called “imagined ugliness.”
When you have body dysmorphic disorder, you intensely obsess over your appearance and body image, often for many hours a day. You may seek out numerous cosmetic procedures to try to “fix” your perceived flaws, but never will be satisfied.
A leading Cause: Environment. Your environment, life experiences and culture may contribute to body dysmorphic disorder, especially if they involve negative experiences about your body or self-image.
This has consumed me since about the age of puberty and will probably be a battle that I fight every day for the rest of my life. I have been told that I basically can not trust anything I see in the mirror. Do you know how that feels? Can you imagine not being able to trust your own judgement? It may seem inconsequential or vain but when you don’t see the real you in the mirror, that becomes a problem. This goes way beyond being unhappy with gain of 10-15 pounds. This is never being satisfied with my appearance.When you never feel physically good enough, or sub par, it takes a toll on your life in almost every facet. It’s a little easier for me now because I know that the disorder exists within me. With therapy and education, I have been able to begin to not allow the disorder to define me . I know that I will probably never be satisfied with what I see in the mirror and that is not a reflection of some ineptitude on my part but a symptom of the disease, in that I can take some small comfort.
Maggie Goes On a Diet
This book cover alone disturbs me deeply. This may seem innocuous but the message it sends to a child will be profound. This is how my reflection has always been but the opposite. No matter how small I was, I only saw someone large and ugly in the mirror. Not that the two go hand in hand, they certainly do not but for me (in my disease) I always needed to be just a little bit better. A little bit taller. A little bit smaller. My hair a little bit longer. A little bit curlier. A little bit straighter. My lips a little bit fuller. My eyes a little bigger. My nose, oh the bump on my nose, was monumental..practically a mountain. Boobs perkier. Legs longer. Fingers longer.Do you get the picture? No matter what I may have looked like, it was NEVER enough. For me, this book fosters this behavior. It sets a standard that perfection in appearance equals perfection in all areas of your life. This is simply not true. It never has been . It is an impossible standard. The next step in the progression would be eating disorders. Obviously, if you think that having the perfect body equals having the perfect life you are going to do all tat is necessary to reach that goal.
I do not believe that children should ever be put on a diet per se. I understand restricted diets for medical reasons; diabetes, allergies, etc. but just because a child gains a small amount of weight, I don’t think they should be put on a “diet”. It is our responsibility, as parents, to insure that our children get good quality healthy food and live a active lifestyle. We are the examples. We are the caregivers. I have had my own issues with food that I have had to deal with.They were dealt with long before I had children but it has made me aware that it is my responsibility to make healthy choices in mind, body and soul for the sake of my children. When anyone, a child or adult hears the word diet it instantly has a negative connotation associated with it. I feel that using the word diet with a child is imprinting a flaw in their mind. If I had it my way, my girls will never worry about the scale. I feed them a balanced diet and keep them active with play and dance. I don’t want them to know or care what they weigh. I just want them to be satisfied with who they are and to know that they are beautiful and perfect, as is. This book undermines that lesson and teaches children that to be beautiful, popular and a star of the team , you must be aesthetically pleasing to others and beautiful. This book cover alone screams the message that to be happy with your life, you must be perfect in the mirror. Shouldn’t the message be that to be happy in your life, you must be beautiful on the inside and satisfied with your place in the world not the size of your dress?
Just Say No to Maggie Goes on A Diet
2011/08/29
Nutrisystem Update Week 16~
This week was by far one of the worst weeks that I’ve had on my Nutrisystem journey, as well as one of the worst weeks that I’ve had in the month of February. I gained 2 pounds. How did this happen, you ask? To my chagrin, I traveled all last weekend and that created a little hiccup in my diet. I did have meals on hand but we were on the road and I ended up eating out a couple times. Even worse, when I returned home, my back went out. Which meant two things, I was not able to work out. To be honest, I could barely sit upright without wincing. I could NOT walk upright. My back felt like a rubber band pulled to its absolute extreme.I was just waiting for it to pop and snap. It’s done it before and I’ve ended up incapacitated in the praying to Mecca position or flat on my back on the floor. Either scenario not optimal, especially with the Big Guy out of town. I couldn’t even drive the car to get my Bella to school. This was serious business. My sister had to catch a train and come to my rescue, which meant she resumed all my duties while I took my meds to relax my back and keep the insane pain that accompanies such injuries away . It was a real big hot mess around here. While I was in La-la med land, lying flat on my back atop of a heating pad or ice ( depending on the moment you checked in on me) I did not eat appropriately. I didn’t get all my foods in and I wasn’t drinking enough water. The entire week was a wash. It was of no fault of the program, it was me not working the program. But, the back is doing much better and I am pain free,med free, standing upright and drinking my water so I am hopping back on that horse and making it work for me! This weight is coming off, kicking and screaming maybe but it is coming off.
I am so proud of what I have accomplished so far with Nutrisystem. It is a great feeling to see the scale going down. It’s even more encouraging when the clothes start to bag and droop. This small hiccup does not worry me. Nutrisystem is a fabulous program and I know it works. The key is to keeping within the guidelines of the program. So the lesson here is..if you don’t work out, don’t eat the Nutrisystem foods and veggies, fruits, and dairy that you are supposed to, don’t drink the recommended daily amount of water and simply have the Nutrisystem food sitting in the pantry…don’t expect it to work. But if you are serious and want to lose the weight, get healthy in your own skin and be the best you that you can be…Nutrisystem might be for you! Visit Nutrisystem today or call 888-853-4689. Don’t forget right now, Nutrisytem is at the lowest price it has been since 2003! There is no better time than the present to get started on your journey. Bathing suit season is right around the corner!

DISCLOSURE: Nutrisystem is providing their program to me free of charge in exchange for my participation in the Nutrisystem Nation Blogging Program and weekly updates. I am not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed in this post are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255
2011/02/27
Change~I just had a Come To Jesus Meeting..with Jose!
*Change anyone?* It’s that time of year again. You know what ‘m referring to, no not back-to-school, that was Monday. It’s a little over a month until my birthday and you know that can only mean ONE thing…mental, physical and spiritual inventory must be taken. This is my process so this morning I had my first ( of what will be many, many) come to Jesus meetings over the next year. I had it with Jose. No, it’s not some nickname we Latinos have for the almighty, it’s my little brother who is one ( as I found out the hard way this morning) hardcore, ass kicking personal trainer.Seriously, it’s his profession. I knew that he knew how to take care of himself, obviously. He’s always been in top physical shape since he was old enough to lift his first dumbbell. But we’ve never lived in the same city. Now, we do. This is Jose.
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This is Jose. This is 200 lbs. of badass personal training in a 160 lb. bag of cuteness.I think the photo says it all *Charming*
He who rejects change is the architect of decay~Harold Wilson
Doesn’t he look sweet? That’s what I thought. What you are looking at, my friends, is my salvation ( physically speaking anyways). Two years ago, we moved to a new city. My life hit the reset button. I joined Weight Watchers and lost 25 pounds. Life was good. Then the Big Guy was downsized. Life was not so good.I had to quit the program and since I am very apparently a stress eater, I ate those 25 pounds right back on and with them came a few more. I was depressed about it. Former eating disorder girl say what. It’s really hard trying to stay the straight and narrow when what you are doing is so NOT working. But I do. I fight the urge every day to seek the comfort of the path that I know. I fight to be a good example for my girls. I fight to be the change I want to see in the world for the young girls today. I want to be better than my circumstances.
Then last year, right smack dab in the middle of the whole commuter marriage fiasco, I was offered an amazing opportunity to be a Nutrisystem Nation Blogger. Again, I lost that 20 pounds and felt amazing. But then life started spinning out of control again. Then we had to put the house on the market, we were going to be moving and I was stressed beyond capacity. There was my old friend ( arch nemesis) food to comfort away the uncertainty. That is if comfort means to bury it deep down and surround it by a giant hug of fat. But the only uncertainty it remedied was the uncertainty of whether or not I would gain back those 20 pounds again. Guess what? I did! What can I say those damn 20 pounds llloooovvvveeee me! Me, not so much feeling that love.
If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit
That brings us to this morning. We are moved. I am hitting the reset again. Hopefully for the last time for a long time. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am happy. I know it. I feel it in my very core ( well, that and a terrible side stitch that I haven’t been able to shake since my brother boot-camp). I have committed myself to the ~~drill Sargent~~ my little brother and made a promise to myself…I will feel comfortable in this skin of mine.Body dysmorphic disorder and Bulimia/Anorexia can all be damned. I’m not having it, ever again. With the help of my brother, the MOST invested, no nonsense personal trainer that anyone could ever ask for, fueled by a genuine concern and love for his sister, the next year will bring about huge change. I have a goal that I want to hit by my birthday next year and he is going to help me reach my goal. This is one of those moments in life where you are standing at a cliff and you have to decide if you want to take a chance and jump or maintain the status quo. I’m jumping! After this week, I may not be walking but I am jumping.
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We're going to call this the official BEFORE photo. I'll allow you to see me a sweaty mess but sweaty ponytail, no makeup and luggage under my eyes..A girl's got to maintain some tiny dignity:)
This journey is about more than just losing weight. It is about changing my entire lifestyle..forever. It’s no diets or gimmicks, it’s me facing the mirror and taking a good hard look at myself. It’s hard work personal training with my brother and learning to make good, healthy choices with real food. It’s me learning to live in the world. It’s me learning to love my body for all that it is and none of what it’s not. This is me, yelling it from the top of the cliff. I am proclaiming it to the world. It will happen. And this time when the first 25 pounds comes off, I’m giving all the clothes that are too big to the homeless shelter.I will do it every 25 pounds until all I am left with are the clothes that fit who I become.
My change starts right now
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2011/08/17
The Diva Cup~Naturally Divalicious
The Diva Cup~Naturally Divalicious
Diva Cup test ~Have you ever…(?)
- co-opted toilet paper from a public washroom as a temporary measure *(GUILTY.How I hate the clump of TP waddle of shame)
- planned a vacation around your period *(Many Times.)
- avoided white pants for that one ‘special’ week of the month. I call it shark week for a reason, it’s dangerous.*(When I was a teenager,white was my enemy for this very reason)
- done a supplies hand-off with a girlfriend while the dates weren’t looking *(always and it’s never as covert as we plan it to be.Nothing like dropping a tampon to the floor in front of a blind date)
- cautiously tucked the telltale string into your bikini *(why must it always slip back out.I’m not a party popper, nor do I want to “celebrate’ my period)
- accidentally pulled a mystery object from your purse in front of a curious male audience *(Yes and it’s always a stranger not someone you know.Instead of your husband, it’s someone like your husband’s boss or a potential client. “just let me get a pen..Oops, never mind my tampon that just fell on your hand))
- scuttled to the washroom to survey the leak damage after a sudden ‘surge’ *(I hate knowing I’ve leaked and can’t do anything about it but run for the restroom and pray for mercy from the menstruation Gods)
- clogged your toilet with “flushable” feminine products *(let’s not bring up the septic system that my in laws love to remind that I ruined with my tampons)
- left a party with a jacket tied around your waist * ( or high school, the club, a wedding reception,PTA meeting,mass)
- had a tampon somehow turn itself completely around inside and lose the string *(My biggest fear realized)
The DivaCup to the rescue!!!
The DivaCup is a non-absorbent menstrual cup that simply collects menstrual flow. *( Ok, take a moment and get past the ICK factor. I know it sounds kind of gross at first thought. But it is amazing and Green (BONUS)). It is inserted into the vagina and sits at the lower base of the vaginal canal. It is worn internally, yet because it is soft and smooth, it cannot be felt nor will it leak when inserted properly.*(You may however need to trim the stem for comfort which is a very simple fix)

The DivaCup is the most clean and convenient method of feminine hygiene protection. No need to touch the flow. It is worn low in the vagina, not near the cervix, so it is easy to remove. No mess! * ( No more evidence left on your fingers from lodged strings) Just remove, clean with Diva wash, re-insert and leave in for 12 hours. So easy.

The DivaCup ends hassles with unreliable disposables in endless absorbencies, shapes and styles. It is perfect for all activities – giving women true freedom without the worry, guessing and unreliability that disposable feminine hygiene products pose. *( absolutely great for running, dancing, high impact workouts like Turbo Fire and even Zumba)

The DivaCup can be worn for up to 12 hours before emptying, washing and reinserting for use for another 12 hours. It can be used for light or moderate flows and is emptied more often to accommodate heavy flows. Perfect for overnight use. *(I loved not having to worry about getting up in the middle of the night to check for accidents on the sheets or to change my pajamas.)

The DivaCup’s expert, proprietary, patent-pending features make it comfortable and assures ease of use and reliability. Perfect for traveling, running, biking, hiking, dancing, camping, swimming, diving, scuba, yoga, extreme sports and more…
- Latex-free, BPA-free, plastic-free
- No dyes, colors or additives
- Comfortable, reliable
- Clean, convenient, easy-to-use
- Worn for up to 12 hours at a time
The Diva Cup is a modern miracle, as far as I am concerned. I have been plagued with a heavy, unpredictable period since I hit puberty way back in the 80’s. It’s been no picnic and has left me with intense cramps and praying for menopause. No more! The Diva Cup has eliminated the mess, is able to be worn on those days that I “might” be starting and relieved the cramps.Relieved the Cramps!!
I highly suggest that if you have not tried the Diva Cup you do! It may take a couple of cycles to get used to it but once you do, you will be thanking me for turning you on to the Diva Cup. Through the generosity of Diva Cup, I am giving away a Diva Cup to one lucky reader. All you need to do is become an email subscriber and leave me a comment telling me your best green tip. The random winner will be selected on Friday June 17 at 9 pm EST.
The DivaCup really is an ingenious product. It’s a wonderful alternative to disposable pads and tampons and offers unsurpassed protection and worry-free ease in an innovative design. So, before you just say NO give it a try – it really is a “menstrual solution”!
Where to buy? Check out the The DivaCup website for more information.
The Diva Cup~Naturally Divalicious
Disclosure: I was provided with a free Diva Cup to use in order to review the product and give my own personal opinions on the Diva Cup. The opinions I have given are mine and may differ from others but were NOT influenced by Diva Cup.
2011/06/13
….And Then I BECAME a MOM!
Today, I have the pleasure of having one of my favorite people and a fantastically talented writer, my great friend, the lovely Laura Willard of A(n)(Un)Common Family guest post as my final guest in my month long 2nd year blogiversary celebration.
“And while being a mom is a huge part of who I am – the part that changed me in ways nothing else could, that made me get in touch with an inner soft side (one that could actually cry!), the part that suddenly realized what true, unconditional love actually feels like – it’s not all that I am. There’s more to me, even if it’s far less adorable than my kids.”
Laura’s blog is about motherhood, marriage and how she has evolved over the years while maintaining the woman she was before the kids. It started with child adoption and she touches on just about every single issue a mother or woman can face. She shares her soul and knowledge all with a twist of a wicked sense of humor. I love her and so will you. You can also find Laura on Twitter. Thank you Laura for sharing your Truth about Motherhood. On a side note, if you are planning to adopt a child, you may also want to include open adoption in your options.
I need to get a few things out of the way before I start:
(1) If I didn’t love Debi, I’d hate her for putting me at the end of a month-long lineup of fabulous bloggers that humble me. I mean, really? I have to follow those ladies?! Have you been reading this month? They are ah-ma-zing.
(2) I have no free time. Washing my hair is a luxury. Okay, fine, I probably wouldn’t wash that shit regularly even if I had time, but you get the point. Free time = premium. Still, when Debi asked me to post here, I was thoroughly honored, even though I can’t keep up on my own blog, because I was asked by an amazing woman and mom that I’m proud to call my friend (and pillow-fight-in-lingerie buddy for BlogHer, but that’s for another post..).
Debi embodies what women and mothers should radiate – support, love and honesty. She doesn’t sugar coat the journey that is motherhood, she doesn’t BS and she doesn’t hurt.
And she’s beautiful – inside and out.
Okay, now I’m ready to share MY truth about motherhood
Fine, I don’t have one.
You caught me with my pants down.
(Gross. I know. I’m scared for you.)
I didn’t have a vision for motherhood.
I married my husband when I was very young. I wasn’t quite drinking-legal yet (we won’t talk about how long I’d actually been drinking at that point). He was eight years older (no, he didn’t have money and no, I didn’t have a crappy home life). I knew he was The One, and I was right. Ten years later, he’s still The One.
(It’s okay. Go puke. I just did.)
I always knew I wanted to adopt my kids and when I told him while we were dating, he said, “Cool. That sounds good.”
So after we were married for six years and after I’d finished law school, we started the process.
I was in control of my life. I was smart. I was calm. I had life by the balls.
And then I became a mom.
It rocked my world. In the best way possible. But it was rocked.
I became a parent to a child that had an entire life’s worth of experiences before he came to us at 10-months-old. A lot of work, over one year of entirely sleepless nights and physical and emotional stretching that I didn’t know was possible, occurred during the first year. But I figured it out.
And then 14 months later, I became a mom for a second time to a child whose immediate medical needs made mine look boring. And whose personality was the opposite of my son’s. So I went back to the drawing board and learned how to mother from scratch.
I’ve only been at this motherhood gig for three-and-a-half years. And yet I’ve learned more than I did during seven years of “higher education.” Would you like to know what I’ve learned?
(Of course you would.)
Not as much as I thought I would have.
Just when I think I know something, I learn something else that shows me that I didn’t quite know everything.
So I suppose I do have a few truths about motherhood. Motherhood teaches you something new every day. It humbles you to no end. Sometimes it stretches you so far you think you might break. But you don’t. And it fills your heart with unconditional love.
*P.S. Laura, you are amazing and I already loved you hardcore but after this post, I must say..you made me weep a bit:) What a wonderful way to end this series!XOXO
2011/05/30
Melissa Chapman~The TRUTH about Motherhood
Today, I am truly honored to have the lovely and witty Melissa of Married my Sugar Daddy. She writes with humor and honesty that make me keep coming back for more. If you have not had the pleasure of reading /knowing Melissa (@Madijack) , I certainly recommend that you get to know her. She is snarky and funny and 21 flavors of entertaining. I love reading her blog, I always come away feeling like I’ve been catching up with an old friend. She has made me laugh,cry and think…sometimes in the same post. Thank you so much Melissa for sharing your truth with so much going on right now. XOXO

The TRUTH about Motherhood
I really believed when I was smack in the trenches of arguing with my husband about not wanting him to buy the no-frills diapers-, since my kids ALWAYS leaked through them- that once the stage of them being completely dependent on me for their basic needs was done- I’d be in the homestretch.
I thought those early years- getting up at the crack of 2am to heat up a bottle (which I only realized after my second baby- was as simple as popping a cup of water into the microwave as opposed to boiling hot water over an open flame for 20 minutes) was the grueling part of motherhood. But the thing is- during all those early years- motherhood’s challenges are primarily physical. They test your endurance, school you on how to be a muti-tasker and at times make you feel like you are operating on auto-pilot. But your kids-unless they’re dragging around a soiled diaper- are for the most part, happy, smiling little babes, who let you dress them up and create your very own mirror image in them.
Then they grow up- and of course, no one tells you that the real meat and work begins then. As my kids have gotten older, the questions- that seemingly come out of nowhere have begun to permeate our every conversation at this breakneck pace- and my inability to keep up and juggle all their feelings, thoughts, self-esteem issues, confidence and little egos feels like a balancing act that is simply impossible.
I often feel ill-equipped to be the source for all these pressing concerns- like; who the hell am I to answer all these questions, assuage their fears and am I enough to be able to raise these two individuals and arm them with everything they’ll ever need to become independent enough to feel okay on their own. And I know I’m not alone in these thoughts, in my insecurities about motherhood. But honestly I just wish there was a manual that would fool-proof every impulse I have and make sure it was the correct one. The truth about motherhood is that no one tells you what an awesome responsibility this motherhood thing is- and that there are no guarantees it will all end up the way you want it to.
2011/05/25
Happy Accidents
Happy Accident Today is the 12th year wedding anniversary of the Big Guy and myself. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the way we met and came to be engaged. It’s really a sweet story and when I recount it, it makes me warm and fuzzy inside. But knowing how dangerously close this all could have gone a completely different direction, it reminds me of how a Happy Accident changed the course of my entire life.

The Big Guy and I had a mutual girl friend in college who really wanted us to meet, as friends I mean REALLY wanted us to meet. She hounded me for weeks. After several failed attempts to meet one another, finally we were in the same place at the same time. I remember ditching my LSAT class that Monday night in September just to finally make his acquaintance. I walked into that bar alongside our mutual friend never knowing how this night would alter my perception of the world. I was expecting this guy to be the best thing since sliced bread. I mean after all, it was my friend’s best friend and she had nothing but good things to say about him. Instead of a knight in shining armor I found someone unexpected. My friend and I walked up to the bar and as I’m looking for the typical college frat boy, she stops short in front of this long, lanky, bleached blonde hair with BLUE tips, an eyebrow ring and smoking a cigarette boy.WTF?? I thought to myself,well, at least she’s not trying to set us up. To me, he looked like someone that I might have dated in high school when I was going through my “alternative” phase but no one I would date as a grown woman. She introduced us. I was cordial. I said, “Hi,I’m Debi” he nonchalantly cast his eyes downwards toward me and said “hey” barely acknowledging my existence.I immediately did not like him. I could barely stand him. Who did he think he was?Seriously?
As the night progressed, we ended up back at the house he shared with several other guys and they were having a party. Needless to say, the girl who introduced us and begged me to accompany her to the party, promptly disappeared, leaving me alone once again with this guy who , at first glance, seemed quite rude and disinterested in even having a functional conversation.
I had an astronomy exam that I desperately needed to study for and all I wanted to do was go home.But, being me, I had absolutely NO idea of how to get home.Finally,after hours of me sitting there waiting for my friend to reemerge, he offered to walk me home. Which, at first, I found the idea ridiculous but out of necessity I agreed. I was completely at his mercy. I was praying that the walk was quick and that he was not a serial killer. It started off as a walk, then he took me to the roof of the parking garage to point out constellations and we began to talk.Really talk. Then we continued walking, I learned later that he took the longest possible way home. I remember being at the soccer fields, lying on our backs looking up at the stars at that moment as night meets dawn and the birds start to sing and you are so deliriously tired but the excitement of the newness propels you forward. In those few hours, we shared our entire life with one another. After a stolen kiss and butterflies, he finally walked me home…and we’ve been together ever since.
Today, as we celebrate our 12th Anniversary of marriage, I look at him and thank God for happy accidents. I am also reminded that love can find you anytime, anywhere and to never judge a person by a first impression.Life is made up of second chances and good things can only happen if we’re open and willing to experience all of the happy accidents that life has to offer. I love you baby! Thank you for walking me home that night so long ago.
2011/05/15
My 10 Truths About Motherhood
Today, I have one of my favorite bloggy friends to help celebrate my 2nd blogiversary, Jennifer of Perfectly Disheveled. If you have not read Jenny before you are in for a treat. She is light-hearted, honest, funny, with a pinch of snark and always looks freaking completely put together. I am as serious as a heart attack. If she weren’t so damn awesome, she’d definitely be the Mommy I was jealous of looking so damn fashionable and cute all the time. Anyways, it’s late and I’m rambling. Bottom line is this, she is a fabulous writer, an awesome friend ( you know the kind who’d have your back in any situation but somehow still remain a complete lady), and an even more fantastic Mommy. She’s here to share her 10 truths about Motherhood and I am thrilled to have her here at The TRUTH about Motherhood.
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Courtesy of Perfectly Disheveled
The truth is…

I love Poop Talk. I’ve always thought poop was funny. I was the girl in elementary school (okay, maybe college too) that laughed when the boys farted. Thirty years later, I’m still the girl that laughs when a (three year old) boy farts– Only, my “laugh” is now in the form of “please say, ‘excuse me.’” or “please refrain from saying poop at the table, honey. That’s potty talk.” But in truth, I’m cracking up inside.

The truth is…

Cheerios have become as crucial as oxygen.. I never knew I could get so comfortable sleeping on them, finding them in pockets, pushing them aside in my purse. Crushed or whole, I have come to accept them every day, all day long.

The truth is…

I’m exhausted.

The truth is…

I love boogers.Let me be clear, i love my SON’s Boogers. I could wipe his nose or squeejie out snot with that little hospital bulb- turkey baster thing all day long if he’d let me. This applies strictly to his nose and his nose only though. Ask me to help you with your runny nose (or worse, pop a zit), I will vomit.

The truth is…

I “get” guilt mom guilt. I mean, I get it and I GET it. I understand how deep love can be and I understand how you can be so in love it can eat you up and even make you feel bad, because all you want to do is be so good. I get it.

The truth is….
Stay at home, work at home, work full time, work part time, work abroad, wealthy, privileged, poor, single, divorced, or somewhere where in between it is the hardest job in the entire world. Period.

The truth is…

Overall my body is actually “better” than it was before I had a baby (not withstanding that very-never-to-be-seen-again-wedding-weight.) The state of my boobs, however, I blame entirely on breast feeding advocates.

(Speaking of which…) The truth is…

Breastfeeding was not easy for me. I did it exclusively for 6 months but in truth, not sure if I loved it at all. I will absolutely breastfeed for my next baby (no plans in the near future in case you’re wondering). But I will definitely not put as much pressure on myself. My mom didn’t breastfeed me and judging by the 25 phone calls and texts exchanged daily, I’d say we’re pretty bonded. And I’m kinda smart.

The truth is…

It’s the best lesson in “don’t knock it, ’til you try it.” Before becoming a mom, I was definitely that person who judged other parents… how they disciplined, what they fed their children, how much TV they allowed. Yeahhhhh….. Sorry about that. I stand corrected. About it all. I get it now.

The truth is…

Nothing Matters more. This is not to say that I’ve given up on all things other than motherhood. This just means that it’s the thing I want to be the very best at.

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2011/05/12
Throat Punch Thursday ~F*ck Cancer Edition
This weeks Throat Punch Once again, Throat Punch Thursday has us back in Florida. Why does it seem like we are always in Florida on Thursday? Thursday recipient has had it coming for a long time. I mean for at least 12 years but , actually more like 20 years, for me personally. In general, this recipient has had it coming for as long as it’s been around. You know who I am referring to..CANCER! That sonofabitch has hurt a lot of people for a long time and almost everyone has been touched by it. I lost my Grandmother to it. I lost a close friend to it. It has completely rearranged the lives of many women I know. The last straw was when my nephew , who was only 3 at the time, was diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully, he has had a full recovery and is now a freshman in high school but that didn’t make going through it any easier when he was 3. I hate cancer….with a passion. I don’t hate too many things or people, I strongly dislike but I HATE cancer. Every time I see a friend who lost her mother, or almost lost her mother to cancer, my heart breaks. When I see my girlfriend who was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 months after having her child, my heart hurts. When I look in my nephews beautiful face, I am reminded of what he had to endure at such a young age and I can barely breathe. When I look into my girls eyes and realize that this awful thing could ever touch them, it is unfathomable. Oh, yes, I effing HATE cancer! Then I came across this bit on CNN ( you know, my source for all the sunshine I spread on Thursday)
Now, cancer just got kicked up a notch on my list.As if there weren’t enough reasons to hate cancer, this video made me want to choke cancer out and watch the life of it slowly go out. I feel that it is high time that this bastard be eradicated from the planet. Don’t you agree? To CANCER I give the reverse right legged roundhouse to the back, coupled with two lightening swift throat punches to the gullet, followed by nunchucks to the head and for good measure. I would spit in cancers face.I know,you’d expect a lady not to be so vulgar but that’s how much I HATE cancer!If you want to read the entire article about Mary Villet please go here.

Who or what is worthy of your throat punch today? Come link up. Grab a Throat Punch Thursday button ( under buttons tab), include it in your post, link up, comment and enjoy the relief that comes come relieving yourself of the stress of the world’s stupidity.
2011/04/28
Just say No to Kiwi fuzz
Wasn’t it yesterday that I was cleansing my face with Noxema, wiping it religiously with alcohol & then moisturizer…all in the name of preventing a pimple? You know, because I’d get 1 every other month due to hormones. But it was the END of the world.Ah, the teen years. I had so much wildly curly hair that I had no idea what to do with it, other than complain and wish I had less. Straighter.I was a perfectly healthy size 10 but I wanted to be a 7,so ,obviously, I was never happy. Always, working out and staring at myself in the mirror, wishing that I was someone else. My teeth were so bright white that they could blind someone and thanks to braces they were unnaturally straight.Unnaturally.I even complained about that. I was 5’7″,I wanted to be 5’8″ because that’s how tall you had to be to be a model and all the girls in the magazine were at least that tall. I had to be at the beach ALL the time because I NEEDED a tan.Did I mention that I’m Mexican…naturally olive. I constantly had perfectly manicured fingers and toes because,really, what kind of manual labor was I doing? Waking to school? Lifting a hand to flip all that hair?That was me at 17.
This morning, I revisited an old friend of mine,you may know him Biore strips.Oh my, Jeez!How long has it been since I’ve had time to give any attention to myself? Seriously, when I pulled that little strip off..let’s say it revealed some astonishing things. Either I had 10 years worth of deep black heads or I have began sprouting hair in yet another place that I don’t want it.Either way, when I puled that strip off..it looked like kiwi fuzz. I assure that I am not walking around in public looking like this because if I were, let’s be certain of one thing, the Big Guy would most certainly have brought it to my attention. This triggered a chain reaction. I realized that my simple regime of keeping away the zits has evolved in to a full fledged routine. When did this happen? Now there is cleanser, deep cleanser, astringent, toner and that’s just to keep it clean and my pores from looking like an escape hatch from within. Then I have to add wrinkle night cream because God knows that I’ve got to keep those suckers at bay.
All that hair that I was *ahem* complaining about, well, I’ve noticed that it’s thinned out considerably from stress of life.Now, I wish I had that big crazy bush atop my head.Of course, it has began to grow rampantly on other parts of my body. My upper lip, my arms, my legs, my eyebrows…you know just all the places that a woman doesn’t want all that hair. Size 10? Well, let’s just say that I’ve not seen size 10 in about as many years! YEARS! In college, I was a 5 and then somewhere along the way I passed 10 right up on my journey to size 14, 16, 18,16, 14.Things have been stretched out and moved about and nothing looks like it did when I was 17 on this body.This body is foreign to me.This body has lived. Years of drinking coffee to wake up, Diet Coke to keep going and wine to go to sleep has made it necessary that I use whitening mouth wash, whitening strengthening tooth paste, and I’m probably going to have to move on up to full on whitening bleach soon.Can someone please invent clear coffee? Peryl, can you put a word in with Starbucks?
Tan? I am so pale most of the year now that I am pretty sure that I glow. I’ve seen the beach 3 times in the last 10 years. I used to my entire summer lying on the beach frolicking in the water. Now, you have to bribe me with money and booze to even put on a suit and go in public. The poor fingers and toes, they have been held hostage by Mommyhood for far too long. It started with pregnancy hormones drying all my skin up and my poor feet have yet to recover. I am in such desperate need of a pedicure that I’m actually ashamed to let the spa manicurists see my feet. It’s so far past the point of no return that I may need a big burly man manicurists with a sand blaster.I’m seriously thinking of going a state over to have this miracle performed just because I’m too ashamed of the possibility that I may run into them in the general public. I don’t think I could handle their judging eyes and knowing looks.
My point? What happened to all the waiting to grow up? I squandered all my beauty trying to grow up and now I’m etching closer and closer to 40 and trying to hold on to every ounce of youth I have left. I used to wake up bright eyed, bushy tailed and beautiful…now, I wake up tired! At least I get to look at my bright eyed,bushy tailed beautiful girls, right? Wrong! It’s not enough anymore to just bask in their glow. Mama is making a declaration..Mama needs to give herself some of the TLC that she’s been giving away by the bushels to others.There is no way that I’m walking around looking like my nose is covered in kiwi fuzz….anymore.KIWI FUZZ! I think I just vomited in my mouth a little at the very thought. I’m seeing a manicure and pedicure in my very near future, as well. Flip flop season is on the horizon.Time to make that dreaded trip to the next state over to meet with the big burly manicurist.
What do you do to make yourself feel beautiful? What do you think is the most important reason for you to be beautiful to you? Let’s all get our pretty back.hell, let’s bring our sexy back. And for God’s sake, Just say no to Kiwi Fuzz!

2011/03/15