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  • Middle Class Mom Private School Kid CoVid Problems and Why I Hate Pandemic Parenting

    Middle Class Mom Private School Kid CoVid Problems and Why I Hate Pandemic Parenting

    Estimated reading time: 8 minutes

    Not saying CoVid and this pandemic are issues especially hard for middle class moms with private school kids but not saying it isn’t either. I’ve noticed that, at least from my viewpoint, public schools are doing more to stop the spread. Public schools are funded by the government and are more likely to follow government guidelines and recommendations because they are cognizant that not doing so can end in losing funding. Private schools on the other hand are funded by donors, usually wealthy alumni who gift large sums of money, often with “suggestions.” What I’m saying is that if you think super-rich kids are terrible, well, you’ve never experienced their entitled parents firsthand.

    They don’t like to be told what to do. It infringes upon “their freedom” so they will scream white at the top of their lungs while staring directly at a black wall. If you disagree, you are not right, you are obviously blind because you chose to believe your own eyes over what they tell you. This is the situation.

    Middle Class Mom Private School Kid CoVid Problems.

    Science and research show that vaccines, masks and social distancing are the way to end the pandemic. Some people at private schools say none of it exists and refuse to allow their children to follow guidelines for a “political pandemic” created by the liberals to make us all sheeple. After all, this is MURICA! Caught right in the middle of it all, the faculty and administration just trying to do the right thing by humankind without alienating the very people who pay their salaries.

    Omicron is here and making my life more difficult than ever. I hate pandemic parenting because I’m terrified to send my kids to school. Let me start by saying that this whole pandemic has been a lesson in versatility, patience and pushing past fear. It’s enough already. I give. I’ve learned my lesson. I wash my hands religiously, I prioritize people and I live like every day could be my last, because it could be but my breaking point seems to be when I live in a world where others are pretending that none of this is real. People are dying and where I live, people are pretending that nothing is wrong. People are dying and nothing is wrong? Is this logical to anyone reading this? If so, please help it make sense because I can’t and it’s literally making me feel insane.

    At this point, my family has been vaccinated and boostered, except Gabi who will get hers this week as soon as I can get her an appointment. We rarely go anywhere. With Omicron we are actually reverting to our March 2020 hermit lives. We wear masks in public and we social distance when possible. We wash our hands and change our outside clothes. We disinfect everything. In our state, we are in the minority.

    At our daughters’ school, there are no preventative CoVid safety measures in place this year other than CDC guideline quarantining for the minimum 5 days if exposed and showing symptoms. But there is no social distancing or mask policy in place. There is no vaccination requirement. So every day, my rational and intelligent girls who have common sense go to school knowing they are 100% exposed. This is not okay.

    Middle Class Mom Private School Kid CoVid Problems.

    They are under so much stress (as any rational/ thinking person would be) that they have now both developed severe stress and anxiety due to the mishandling of the pandemic. They are kids who should be doing kid things but instead they are worried they are going to die or kill someone else because the adults are dropping the ball. The adults in charge are neither caring or protecting our children from Coronavirus, Delta or Omicron. They’re just seeing how this all plays out and that’s just not working for me anymore.

    The other day I was driving to pick my daughters up from school and the truck ahead of me had a bumper sticker that read, “Unmask Our Kids Now.” In my head I heard, “unhand my mother” or “Free Nelson Mandela” only it wasn’t about saving anyone. In fact, quite the opposite. It basically read, “Societal rules don’t apply to me because I’m a selfish toddler who doesn’t care about anyone else but me and it’s my right to do whatever I want.”

    You see, all over the country, friends of mine are taking their 5-11-year-olds to get their vaccination. In fact, they went on the very first day of eligibility, some of them drove to neighboring cities and even states, just to do their part to help end this pandemic. I’m elated. We took our girls as soon as they were eligible. Now, we’re getting them boostered because that is what all of us should be doing to end this pandemic. Was I nervous about giving my daughters a brand new vaccination? Yes. But I’m more afraid of CoVid and the long-term effects of Coronavirus.

    There are still adults who haven’t gotten 1 shot yet. Y’all should be ashamed. You’d probably jump in the lifeboats ahead of the women and children too, am I right? Come on, this is embarrassing, America. Be a grown-up and do your part. Yes, I know, you don’t believe in CoVid but he believes in you and if you’re just going to live your life like you’re pursuing happiness, Consequences be damned, YOU WILL GET COVID. Regardless if you believe or not.

    Middle Class Mom Private School Kid CoVid Problems.

    So here we are. My daughter has missed 30 days of in-person school. I’d say at least 20 of those days were mandatory quarantines from exposure or from having “symptoms” like coughing or sore throat. I did it because even though they were vaccinated, the rules are in place to protect all of us. Also, the girls have caught a few viruses this year (as expected when reentering public places after 17 months of isolation) and pre-CoVid if my children were sick, I kept them home to protect others from catching it and to let my girls rest and recuperate. But suddenly, CoVid is the only acceptable reason for an absence.

    Here’s where the real frustration comes into play, aside from kids at school chastising those who are vaccinated and/or wearing masks now the administration is questioning whether or not my daughters are “really sick” or just “don’t want to be there” when I call my daughters in sick. This began after we made them aware of the mental health struggles our girls are dealing with (as are most intelligent adults and teens). Talk about minimizing mental health. What else did I expect from a place that literally had a speaker come in and tell the kids that depression is evil and they need to pray away their mental health issues? Look, I’m all for leaning on God for strength when you feel helpless but to make it a character flaw to seek mental health help is something entirely different altogether.

    Honestly, I didn’t write this post to complain about my kids’ school, I’m simply frustrated and exhausted from all of this. My daughter’s been vomiting and nauseous for the past 36 hours. Obviously, I can’t send her into a school like that nor would I send a child who is feeling that terrible into school. I called the attendance office and explained and braced myself for the inevitable call from the school nurse telling us we’d need a negative CoVid test to return, even with being vaccinated and boostered. Can I just mention that we’ve had to get so many CoVid tests in the past 2 years that the pharmacy techs at our local CVS know us by name now? It’s embarrassing. All that aside, I did get the call for the nurse but not before I got the call from the Vice Principal telling me that we “need to have a meeting to discuss her attendance”. It’s the first day of the new semester, what is there to talk about? She.Is. SICK. End of the story.   

    Middle Class Mom Private School Kid CoVid Problems.

    I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. My first priority is to keep my girls healthy, happy and alive. ALIVE. At this point, I’m getting as afraid of their depression and anxiety as I am of CoVid. No child should have to feel so hopeless and helpless. I spend many nights a week reassuring my daughters that we can get through this. Holding them while they cry about what they’ve lost and the normal teen experience that they simply cannot have right now. They are missing normal human connection and being able to attend school safely. Every day they feel under threat and I don’t blame them. So I advocate for them, reassure them, hold them and love them as much and as unconditionally as I can but it’s hard when I’m just as stressed, anxious and depressed as they are.

    Update: Day 2 of vomiting and nausea, they are requiring a doctor’s note or fax saying the doctor doesn’t need to see her in order to excuse the absences. Even the pediatrician is like, it hasn’t even been 48 hours, she’s not dehydrated and she’s not running a fever coming in would be more dangerous than waiting it out. They can’t even do anything for a stomach bug. FML.

    What would you do in my situation? What are you doing to not only protect your family from CoVid Omicron but all the long-term side effects of surviving a pandemic in a world where conspiracy theorists and CoVid deniers pretend nothing is wrong and none of this is real?

  • Back-to-School Truisms

    Back-to-School Truisms

    Back-to-School ; it’s the most wonderful or awful time of year (depending on how old your children are) again.

    Back-to-School

    • Purchasing all the items on the school supply list is like a going scavenger hunt for the holy educational grail. It’s exhausting, exasperating and you will most likely not find the last item on the list.
    • Abruptly dragging kids off the beach to go school clothes shopping is like trying to take a carb starved model away from cake.
    • Trying to wake a kid ( who’s been sleeping in all summer) for school is like trying to lose ten pounds on the chocolate shake diet.

    Back-to-School Truisms

    • Shopping for school uniforms is about as exciting as watching paint dry, for all parties involved.
    • Walking away from your child on the first day of kindergarten is emotionally harder than 13 hours of transition labor.
    • Lunches, do yourself a favor and invest in a bento box, one of those cooling Packit lunch boxes and make lunch for your kid. What they let pass for a healthy lunch these days are NOT what any Mommy in her right senses would consider “nutritious”. A bread stick, grapes and something fried…does not a healthy lunch make.

    • The first time you leave your child with strangers (school, ballet, child care) you will cry and feel overwhelming guilt. You are not a bad Mommy. Guilt is the benchmark of a great Mommy.
    • For the younger sibling of a kindergartener, every morning is like sending the kindergartener off to war and every pick up is like the return from the war…safe and victorious.
    • NOT allowing your child to go on a field trip with 47 five year olds, 2 teachers and no chaperones is not only a good idea, it’s pretty much required for safety.

    Back-to-School;Back to letting go

    • Watching your child struggle in social situations is like watching them try to learn how to walk for the first time. You stand back, see what happens and then you give them gentle nudges in the right direction,if all else fails, you grab them by the hands and show them how it’s done.
    • In all things concerning your child’s well being, trust your mommy gut. It’s not there just for decoration.
    • The first week of school will be exhausting, overwhelming and frustrating. It won’t be a picnic for the kids either.
    • You will take three trips to seven different stores to find that just right sized pair of uniform pants that fit perfectly and don’t look to “uniformy”, only to find out that they are $200 vintage khaki’s that were worn by Marcia Brady on an episode of the Brady Bunch and you can’t afford them anyways.
    • First day of drop off, you can be sure that some uber Mommy will walk right up to you , call you by your name and talk to you like she’s known you forever while you stand there speechless because your brain is fried from the summer sun and you have NO idea who the hell she is..
    • Seeking absolution from your drop off faux pas, you will feel the need to step up your Mommying game.This can cause you to do something foolish, like volunteer for several different committees. DO not do this.Your guilt will pass but those committees will expect you to show up.
    • Back-to-school is more than checklists, new clothes and a new school year. Back-to-school is letting go and growing up. More often than not, Back-to-School will leave you in a pool of snot and tears.

    Back-to-School

  • I’m Starting a Revolution

    I’m Starting a Revolution

    REVOLUTION

    There was no revolution. I turned 40 a couple of days ago, you may have heard. Oddly enough, it passed quietly with dignity and grace. There was no bucking and raging against the night like there was for my 30th or even my 38th. I did not feel overwhelmed with failure or the need to fight my evolution tooth and nail. I was enveloped in peace and all consuming contentment. Sounds strange, right? I’ve never felt this way before, except for the first few minutes immediately after my children were born and on the day I got married. I’m assuming it’s the calm before the storm of life changing events.

    I am Resolving to incite a revolution

    I am way past the point of making resolutions. After all, what the hell is a resolution anyways, nothing more than an empty promise, a flimsy threat at the most. Nope this year, I am declaring war. I’m inciting a revolution.I am resigning myself to a little shock and awe!

    No MORE Cheating! You heard me. I don’t mean that I’m cheating on the Big Guy, never! I mean cheating on diets, cheating myself out of life, cheating myself short on opportunities, cheating my girls out of my complete attention and devotion.

    Embracing Exhaustion! Oh yeah, I am about to make it my mission to exhaust every single iota of potential that these bones have in them. No more sitting on the sidelines letting life happen to me or waiting for things to be done for me, this broad is grabbing life by the balls and making him my bitch. I am going to work this potential so hard, its not going to know which way is up. As the old cheer goes, “Be aggressive..B*EE* EE Agressive!” I’m about to be the change I want to see in my world!

    Organization, Organization, Location! I am a planner, a scheduler, a write it down on paper and DOER! Life seems to have gotten out of control.I don’t mean a little bit off kilter, I mean it has spun right the hell off its axis.Well, NO MORE! Hey, life! Guess what? I AM IN CHARGE..NOT YOU! So, I’m putting pen to paper ( yes, I’m old school like that sometimes) and I’m making a schedule. I’m waking up earlier, getting more sleep, not rushing through life because I’ve planned accordingly, and ( because I am still a bit reckless) I’m even allowing copious amounts of free time for spontaneity. I may even take a day or two off of social media and just put my feet up and take it all in.

    Love Hard, Love often! I am making sure that the Big Guy and our girls know how very much I love them and how important they are to me. I’m not referring to telling them, speaking the words. I do this already, several times a day. In fact, I’ve told the girls ( constantly) since birth “Guess what? I have a secret.Want to know what it is?” They used to get all excited, their eyes like saucers and ask”Yes, Mommy. What is it?” My answer, I’d bend down and whisper in their tiny ear ,” I Love you more than anything.” Now, they just give me a sheepish smile and say, “What is it Mommy? Tell me!” But more than saying the words, I want to show them with my thoughts and actions.I want to be present in every moment with these family and friends that I have been blessed to be surrounded by in my life. I want them to know in their heart that when I say “I love you” it means..forever, for always, for good, for bad, for ups, for downs, for skinny, for fat, for Always. When they speak, I want them to know I am listening and that what they say matters to me. No more decorum.I am loving on my littles, the Big Guy, my family and friends with an embarrassing amount of exuberance. I want them to feel it to their core.

    Revolution: A Commitment to Change

    Prioritize, Perspective, and Present. The only way to get it all done, in conjunction with my handy schedule, I have to prioritize what’s really important to me and my family. This depends on my perspective. I am choosing to utilize my own perspective finally. I am not considering all the outside factors, aside from my girls. I’m also willfully choosing to see life as ALWAYS half full and at my disposal because, in reality, it is. My only limitations have been those I’ve set upon myself. No more! Last but not least, I’m living in the moment. I’m embracing every stinking moment as it happens. I’m not planning for next year, next week, tomorrow…I’m living in the now..RIGHT NOW,with my girls and the Big Guy. I want to enjoy the small things of my life as they happen, not in 20 years in retrospect as a memory. I want to feel the full effect of my life.

    Forgiveness I am forgiving myself for not being perfect. I am not the perfect wife. I am not the perfect Mom. I am not the perfect friend or daughter.I don’t have the perfect body. I don’t have the perfect house. My temper leaves something to be desired. I over extend myself. I expect too much from myself and others. I fall short, in a lot of ways. But that doesn’t mean that my efforts do not have merit. I am hitting reset for everyone I know. I’m passing out forgiveness like Kool-aid at a Jonestown party. No more Mommy guilt, no more fatty McFatty guilt, no more I’m not the perfect wife.My house is disheveled. My kids aren’t perfect.No more, I wish I was Bree Van De Kamp bullshit. From this moment forward, I am going to try my best at every endeavor that I choose to undertake with my priority being excelling at being a good example of a the kind of woman I want my daughters to see me as. I will never be perfect, and that is perfectly acceptable, as long as I am living my life as the best me.

    Incite a Revolution. I’m initiating a change in my way of life. I am actively taking steps to become the person that I want to be.That woman who lives inside of me and has been too afraid for a long time to take a gamble.The woman who, even though I hate to admit this, I have realized has been so afraid of failure that I have let it stave off success. No More! No more excuses. I’m not afraid of failure anymore.If I fall, I will just pick myself up and try, try again!But today, I am inciting a revolution between the version of myself that I’ve let myself get comfortable with and the woman I know I can be. I’m starting by setting fire to excuses and self doubt and I’m marching forward with self confidence.

    How do you treat yourself well? Do you treat your body well? Your soul? Your mind? You are worth the revolution.

    The Revolution Starts Today

     

    **I am hosting a Twitter party this Sunday night September 30th for #Previlean at 9 pm EST/ 6 PST. I hope you can make it. Just follow @TruthfulMommy @PreviMedica and @JessicaGottlieb to join in the conversation. Please leave your Twitter handle in the comments so that we can follow you back!  I’d love to find out what you do to treat yourself right? How will you start your revolution?

     

    ****Part of this post was originally posted here.

     

  • Pottery Barn Kids; Revolutionizing Back-to-School

    Pottery Barn Kids; Revolutionizing Back-to-School

    Pottery Barn Kids, Study Space

    My Pottery Barn Kids Inspired Study Space

    Last week I had the honor of participating in a Pottery Barn Kids Study Space Design Challenge. There is some pretty steep competition. We’re talking 4 other awesome bloggers who also designed study spaces. I really want to win. I am in third place.

    The time to vote is now!  Voting only goes on through October 1st, so I need your vote like yesterday.

    Click here to vote at the PBKids Facebook page!

    Why should you care if I win?

    If my design wins, I get to give one of my readers a set of the same products that I used in designing my Pottery Barn Kids inspired study space.

    It would mean the world to me if you’d head over to the Pottery Barn Kids Facebook page and vote for me but voting only goes until October 1st. It would mean even more to me to be able to give something back to you, my readers. You have given me so much love and support over the years that I would be ecstatic to be able to share with one of you these amazing products so that you could design your own A+ study space for your little one.

    I’m not one who usually begs for votes for anything because I don’t like to be that blogger but this isn’t just for me. Sure, I would love to say I won the Pottery Barn Kids Blogger design challenge ( who wouldn’t) but truly, I just really want to be able to be able to give one of you your own products to use for your children so I am humbly asking that if you can, please take a second and vote. It’s just a click.

    I am honored to have been asked to take part in this challenge and I think  that all had something to do with each one of you.

    Click here to vote at the PBKids Facebook page!

    Pottery Barn kids, Study space, design challenge

    If you have the time, I would sincerely appreciate your vote for my Pottery Barn Kids Inspired Study Space to win.

    ****Disclaimer: I was not paid to participate in this blogger challenge but provided all the items mentioned above  by Pottery Barn Kids and, as always, all opinions and design are my own.

  • One in Ten Babies is Born this Way

    One in Ten Babies is Born this Way

    Disclosure: This is a sponsored post written in partnership with the Anthem Foundation, however, all opinions are my own.

    Did you know that one in every 10 babies born in the United States is born prematurely? In fact, I was born prematurely at just barely 7-months. I weighed 4 pounds and my dad said you could fit my entire stretched out body in the space between the crook of his elbow and his wrist. I was tiny. I was jaundiced and I wasn’t what anyone expected.

    Babies born prematurely before 37-weeks gestation can face a host of issues like breathing problems, difficulty with feedings, cerebral palsy, developmental delays, vision and hearing impairments. I know first-hand that these are true because I myself have had chronic breathing related issues my entire life and live with a 15% hearing loss. I was sick a lot as a child, almost constantly in the early years and fun fact, my mom said when I was born I was covered in lanugo. That usually falls off before you are born, but when you are born prematurely, you’re simply not done gestating.

    In the U.S., prematurity is the number one killer of babies, and those born just a few weeks early have higher rates of illness and hospitalization compared to full-term newborns. In addition to the stress and worry toll, it takes on parents, the cost of prematurely born babies is estimated at more than $26 billion annually by the National Academy of Medicine. No new parent needs that extra financial burden on top of trying to care for a premature newborn. The Anthem Foundation is investing in healthy maternal practices, giving more babies a healthy start in life.

    Can you imagine? Being so excited for your brand new baby, waiting for months to hold her in your arms and then realizing she came too early before her little body was ready to be born; before she was fully formed and functional to live on the outside. My parents said the worry was constant in those first few months, especially since they were first-time parents to this tiny premature baby. But that was a long time ago and there have been significant advancements in prenatal care and the programs women have that provide them with more easily accessible information about pregnancy and their bodies.

    Since 2010, the Anthem Foundation has provided more than $4.3 million in grant funding to the March of Dimes to scale up and implement several programs that encourage and facilitate first-trimester prenatal care and help at-risk mothers commit to behaviors that reduce the numbers of low-birthweight babies.

    These programs include quality improvement initiatives related to the elimination of early elective deliveries, smoking cessation, Healthy Babies are Worth the Wait Community Programs® and a group prenatal care model called CenteringPregnancy® (CP). This last program brings together 8 to 10 women with similar due dates, and from all races, ages and socio-economic backgrounds. The women meet for nine sessions. In the last year, more than three thousand women were registered, of which 1,410 were Latinas. By 2020, the Census Bureau projects that there will be more than 13.8 million Hispanic women of childbearing age.

    Get Informed visit www.marchofdimes.org and https://www.anthem.foundation.

  • As Graceful as a Bulldog in a China Shop

    As Graceful as a Bulldog in a China Shop

    The Big Guy and I have two daughters but long before we ever had 2-legged babies, we had Saffaron, our Brindle Boxer. She was an amazing dog and she gave me a little taste of what it would be like to be a mother. She taught me to give of myself, to be selfless and to love and nurture something that was completely dependent on me. Last August, after 13 years as our first “baby”, our Saffaron died and our hearts were broken. Last Christmas Lola came into our lives.

    Lola is our 13-month-old, red and white, Victorian Bulldog. She is big, beautiful, mischievous and vivacious. She brings laughter back into our home. In her old age, Saffaron was quiet, introspective and docile. Lola is nothing like Saffaron. When our daughters were little, Saffaron would let them love all over her and never with so much as a nip or Grrrr. They learned to walk holding onto Saffaron for dear life because they loved her so much they always wanted to be wherever she was. She happily accepted her new role in the family as beloved protector to the 2-legged babies. When she passed, our daughters were beside themselves. Not completely understanding their feelings about the situation, the girls asked for a new puppy.

    Purina pro plan

    Enter Lola, silly, funny and full of energy and life. She is fierce! She loves the girls like crazy and protect them with her life but she is still a baby herself. She has no patience for lying around or kids who want to lounge when they should be running outside. She is a herder of children only she doesn’t know her own strength and her energy is limitless. She needs lots of exercise to wind down. She loves long walks and running with wild abandon throughout the house; sometimes knocking us down in the process. In fact, they should probably change the saying to “ As graceful as a bulldog in a china shop.”

    We are always looking for fun, creative, non-dangerous for us ways to get Lola outside and burn off some of that extra energy and if we get some exercise too that’s a bonus. In fact, the holidays are right around the corner so there is no time like the present to start getting into shape. Luckily, Purina, who is known for creating good things for our pets, has created Purina® Pro Plan® Fitness Group Page.

    purina pro plan

    This site is a partnership with MapMyFitness that many of you are probably already familiar with from your own get-in-shape efforts. The Purina® Pro Plan® Fitness Group Page challenges owners to get active with their dogs, and provides a way for us to track that activity. It’s a great thing because Lola is a part of the family and we want to keep her around for as long as we can so that means keeping us all healthy plus it’s a great example for our children. Family walks are a great way for us all to get some exercise and talk. It’s a total win-win.

    lolated

    From September 30 to November 13, Purina’s Leash On Challenge is… ON. We are doing it with our Lola. What about you? Join me in the Leash On Challenge here. Do it for 30 days in a row and you can earn a chance to win a year’s supply of Purina® Pro Plan® Dog Food. A whole year of free Purina dog food!

    purina pro plan

    Purina® ProPlan® has partnered with MapMyFitness and created the Purina® ProPlan® Fitness Group Page to get pet owner’s more active with their dogs. Check out the Fitness Group page here and start getting active with your dog today!

    This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Purina® ProPlan® . The opinions and text are all mine.

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  • Vi and Va Hit the Mark with my Little Latinas ( Giveaway)

    Vi and Va Hit the Mark with my Little Latinas ( Giveaway)

    This is a compensated campaign in collaboration with Vi and Va Dolls and Latina Bloggers Connect.

    You all know how skeptical I get about ethnic dolls. It seems that most times, the manufacturer either over shoots the mark and we end up with something like the Mexico Barbie fiasco with a cartoon representation of an entire race or no real effort is made at all and we end up with the same Barbie only with brown hair. This is also not acceptable. There has to be a happy medium.

    There is a new Latino culture inspired fashion doll line for little girls, Vi and Va (Viva!).

    They are sold exclusively at Target so I am assuming since most of us spent at least $80 twice a week in that joint, we’ve all seen them. I was provided one of each doll for review purposes.

    Viviana (Vi) and Valentina (Va) are teenaged sisters. The other two dolls in the series are Felicia and Roxxi who are not just friends, but family. All four of the girls are related. The purpose of the line is to help young Latina girls embrace their heritage while showcasing the diversity in the Latino culture and celebrating family bonds. This is what the press release tells us.

    Here is what I think. My girls took the dolls out of the boxes and immediately loved them because of the diversity in how they looked. You see, my girls understand that not all Latinas look alike. We come in all shapes and sizes (like the rest of the population). For example, my sister is 5’2″ has jet black, very curly hair, green eyes and beautiful olive skin. I am 5’7″, have dark brown, wavy hair, light brown eyes with flecks of green, very fair skin with freckles. My daughters have blue eyes, one has straight and the other has wavy, blonde hair and both are very fair-skinned. We are all proud Latinas and I was happy to see a doll that looked sort of like all of us.

    I know that some people were offended by the fact that the dolls came with a boom box, an art easel, a baking tin and a guitar. I get it. I was offended that the Mexico Barbie had papers but I can’t be offended by what the Vi and Va dolls have because, in my house, we do all of these things.

    Both my girls and I have guitars. Both girls have an art easel and regularly can be found walking from room to room with a sketchpad in their arms. Both of my girls have been in ballet since they were 2-years-old and you’d better believe that while we don’t have a time machine so we can’t get our hands on a boom box, my girls can’t pass up an opportunity to dance if music is playing on Pandora. And if I’m really being honest, my 10-year-old loves to cook. This not something I forced on her. My husband is quite the chef and she enjoys cooking with him. I’m not offended by the accessories, at all.

    The dolls come dressed in bright, vibrant colored clothing with bold patterns and prints. You know, just like most teens (Latino or otherwise) are wearing these days. In fact, when I asked my 7-year-old about the dolls this is what she had to say, “I like them because they look like me and Bella and they dress like us. I only wish that they switched the things they do because I am the artist and Bella likes to cook!” What can I say, I think if making all little Latina girls feel “Latina” was the point, they hit the mark, at least for my girls because when you don’t look stereotypically “Latina” sometimes its hard to feel included.

    My girls have been playing with them non-stop since they opened them. I really think they feel special because there is a “Latina doll” with blonde hair (like them) but she’s Latina. That might not make sense to you if you are not Latina, but if you are you know exactly what I’m taking about.

    They only had two small complaints. First, they are annoyed that the 1 million Barbie outfits they own, won’t fit the Vi and Va girls. They are built different than Barbie; shorter and curvier. Secondly, the doll’s feet are weird. What can I say, I am not a fan of feet on anyone but there should be a warning for small children, “Do not be alarmed, the tiny toes are there, you just can barely see them.” Other than that, my girls really like the dolls.

    Look, these dolls are not supposed to take the place of human role models. It’s just a very small step to making our littlest Latinas feel like they belong, are represented and help them to be proud of their culture. I think Vi and Va does that wonderfully.

    As for role models, well, that’s my job so I’m not too worried that just because a doll happens to have a baking pan, my daughter might begin to believe that she is supposed to be barefoot and in the kitchen. I want my daughters to know that they can be and do anything they want, no matter what they look like, where they are from or what others think of them. I want my girls to know that if they are willing to work for it, there is nothing they can’t do.

    If you like the Vi and Va line and would like to find out more about what’s going on with these diverse, modern Latinas you can find them on the website, Facebook and Twitter.

    I’m giving one lucky reader a Vi and Va Birthday Celebration Doll Pack.

    What? A Quincinera and a Sweet 16 party in the same year? If you think your little girl would enjoy this set, please enter to win via rafflecopter below.

    This is sponsored post in collaboration with Vi and Va Dolls and Latina Bloggers Connect. However, all opinions expressed are my own.

    a Rafflecopter giveaway
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  • What to Do When Your Tween Gets Bullied

    What to Do When Your Tween Gets Bullied

    Now that my daughter is getting older, I have found myself faced with the question of what to do when my tween gets bullied. It’s not like when they were toddlers. My daughters seem to be magnets for bullies. Despite being nice kids who are friendly with almost everyone (according to their teachers), they always seem to be the target of bullies. Now, I know we live in a world where parents like to overuse the term “bullying.” I don’t think I do but when you go single white female on my child and then harass her relentlessly when she just isn’t that into you, I think that constitutes being a bully, bordering on harassment and just a scoatch out of the stalker realm. Any way you slice it, you’re not being nice and I just don’t trust the situation.

    My girls have had a bully almost every other year since preschool. I’ve taught my girls not to take it personally and to ignore these people. This is for my kid than the bully. I don’t want my daughters obsessing over what someone else thinks of them. Honestly, it’s irrelevant. I also don’t want my kid being teased, hurt and harassed because another kid doesn’t like something about them. Can’t we all just get along and move along.

    I live in a reality based world. I don’t expect everyone to like everyone else. Sometimes it’s nothing more than non-compatible personalities. Hey, we’ve all known someone who we just don’t like based on fundamental personality differences and that’s okay. I don’t even want my girls to want or try to be liked by everyone because that just sets them up for a life of people pleasing and, pardon my French but, f*ck that.

    This is how bullying usually goes. My kid starts acting weird. I ask them what’s going on. They don’t want to tell because they don’t want to tattle and they feel embarrassed that someone is picking on them, making fun of them or harassing them. I ask a few more times and finally, they end up breaking down and telling me.

    I tell them to rise above it, ignore it and it’s not about them, it’s the fault of the bully. Bullies have low self-esteem and it manifests by them being mean to others to make themselves feel better. It’s a weak person’s way of leveling the playing field. Instead of rising to the occasion, bullies prefer to pull you down to their level. I also tell my children to tell me and they’ve done nothing wrong. Then, I handle it with the powers that be.

    You see, in a world where kids plant bombs and go on shooting sprees, in a post-Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan world, I don’t believe in a “kids will be kids” do nothing parenting. I in no way fight my children’s battles but I also do not stand by and let my child feel like they are alone in the situation. I have no problem contact the school or wherever and keeping them abreast of the situation. Which brings us to this past weekend.

    For a couple months, my daughter has been telling me that a girl at ballet doesn’t like her. Up until now, it’s been what I’ve perceived as a non-compatible personality situation. Petty things like bringing all the girls in class a piece of candy and purposely excluding just my daughter. Granted, it’s a shitty thing to do but it’s not “bullying” it’s just being a punk kid. I told my kid to ignore it and I bought her a bag of suckers and on the day she took them into ballet, I made sure she had enough for everyone. I thought let’s kill it with kindness. I’ve always taught my girls that you can’t control others reactions but you can control your own actions so put good into the world and if someone doesn’t return it then that is on them, not you. You do good, that’s all that you can do. Well, that didn’t help the situation at all.

    Then, this particular little girl decided to try to befriend my daughter’s core group of friends. One-by-one she starting talking to them and trying to ingratiate herself into their lives by plying them with sweets and trinkets but her fatal flaw, as soon as they would talk to her, she would say something mean about my daughter and reveal herself to be the mean-spirited person she really was. Two of the girls were friendly to her in the way you are friendly to colleagues, which is essentially what they all are but she wanted more.

    Still, she was calling my daughter prissy, annoying and saying that she talks too much. I mean, she is my daughter so she probably does talk a lot and prissy and annoying, well, that’s just that damn personality thing I was referring to. However, then it began to get weirder.  Her tactic of befriending was more of collecting friends to exclude my daughter. It was more about alienating my daughter than having friends.

    These girls are all tweens ages 11 and 12-years-old. My daughter has a group of four “best friends” who talk every day and have sleepovers and genuinely care about one another, more than just like a colleague more like sisters. They are protective of one another but they are a good group of girls. They are not mean. They actually try to be very diplomatic, as much as you can be at that age.

    So, a couple weeks ago, the bully decided that if I can’t steal the friends and exclude Bella (my daughter) they will all suffer my wrath. First, she started calling one of the little girls “fat” to the three other girls. I told my daughter that they should shut it down and tell the bully it wasn’t okay but not tell the girl who she was calling fat because it would only hurt her feeling and make her feel embarrassed. Let’s be honest, as a tween girl, being called fat can have some serious ramifications, especially if you’re a ballerina. 12-years-old is when my eating disorders were first triggered. Then, she told another one of the girls that my daughter was fat, which by the way she is not even close to being. This girl just knows that calling any girl fat, no matter her size especially in their industry, is a trigger.

    She is not saying any of this to the actual girls she is talking about but rather telling one of the other girls in the group. It’s like she enjoys not only talking shit about one girl but torturing the other girls by putting them in this awkward position. All the while, she is trying to befriend each of the other girls, except for my friend. She eventually goes through the entire group calling them all names like fat, can’t dance, blackhearts, prissy, annoying, clumsy, untalented and talks too much. It’s all very superficial but it really hurts these girls’ feelings and in the end, it’s not about whether I think it is serious or not, it’s about how it’s making the girls feel and they feel terrible. It’s about the effect it has on the bullied child. Then the notes began.

    Apparently, the girls sticking together only angered the bully and she decided to attack them in letters. It started two weeks ago. She stuck a note in my daughter’s ballet bag that read, “I don’t like talking to annoying, prissy people. Sorry, not my type.”  And she signed her name. My daughter didn’t even tell me. She crumpled it up and threw it into her bag. I guess my rise above it mantra is sticking.

    Not getting the reaction she wanted from my daughter, she went on to one of her friends and wrote her a creepy single white female letter. Basically saying, your other three friends are shit and they called you shit when you weren’t here. Then she went on to say, let’s have a sleepover and exclude those girls. You need to become best friends with me, etcetera, etcetera. It was a very weird note but that’s the gist of it. Instead of taking the bait, the girl who was given the note shared the note with the other girls at a sleepover they had on Friday.

    Instead of being mean back to her, the girls googled how to write a form letter and then must have ended up on some manager training site because they wrote a letter with the formula “for every bad thing you tell her to say something nice and always use empathy.” They brought me a copy of both letters because, as my husband says, the kids all know that you’re the mom who gets shit taken care of.

    Super long story slightly shorter, I spoke with the principal and the director at the ballet on Saturday morning. They took it very seriously because the 4 girls also brought the original f the note the bully write and their reply for proof. You’d think they were going to court. I was assured by the ballet that it would be handled.

    The girls as a whole at ballet were given a warning about behavior and etiquette and how this sort of petty behavior and bullying would not be tolerated. They were reminded that they are a company and are supposed to be tolerant and supportive of one another. However, the bully has an older sister who is friends with my daughter and her group of friends. She told her mom what her little sister had been up to and the mom handled her daughter, the bully. Did I mention this all happened on a performance day?

    We all went home and thought it was handled. Until Sunday when one of the little girls was cleaning out her ballet bag and found a second note basically threatening my daughter and her group for getting her into trouble. She called them idiots and jerks and said she would get revenge at ballet and to have great lives in hell. Concluding with, I hate you. She wrote this note after she had been reprimanded by the ballet and her mother. So basically in the face of punishment she was angry enough to say to hell with the consequences.

    I am dumbfounded. This has been going on, on and off, since last spring but has been slowly escalating. It’s to the point now, especially after the last note, that I don’t feel terribly comfortable with my child being around this child. I feel it’s getting to Tonya Harding levels of desperation.

    What would you do if your tween gets bullied?

     

  • I’m HARDCORE!

    I 3 weeks ago just received this beauty from the awesome Ms.J @ https://boobiesbabiesblog.blogspot.com, who happens to be one of the most hardcore chickies I know. I have been so wrapped up with all the craziness that is my life  my Mommy/wife duties that I completely forgot to post it and pass it on. Be rest assured, ~J, I am so honored to be the recipient of such an awesome award. Thank you for thinking I am , indeed, hardcore! I’d also like to thank my husband who has left me with this single mothering gig throughout the week, which is indeed making me more hardcore by the minute:) Thank you to my girls, without which this would be a blog about nothing. Most importantly,thank you to my readers…YOU are Hardcore and I love you all!!
    The ‘rules’ of The Hardcore Award are going to be…
    Link and list 5 (or less) people who you think are awesome, amazing and rockin’ and then share a few things that you think make YOU awesome!  I think that people are so used to being humble and don’t want to seem narcissistic but Mami thinks EVERYONE should think they are awesome and amazing and rockin’.  Maybe your an amazing baker or you have a great butt…whatever it is…tell the world and feel good about it!  Yeah!  Oh and you need to let them know someway (a comment is prob easiest) that you have awarded them.”
    What makes ME awesome? I think I excel at all that I do, when I am not overwhelmed and failing at it! I am an overachieving multitasker and a perfectionist. I  am a big boobied hot mess who loves with all that she is, makes a fool of myself on a pretty regular basis to make those I love smile.I am honest to a fault, masters wielding intelligent , fashionista when I have the time and desire so not too often anymore, hardcore effin MOMMY, WIFE, FRIEND, and BLOGGER EXTRAORDINAIRE! Oh yeah, and I am Modest…very Modest!
    I think if you read my blog-you must be hardcore-but I’m gonna adhere to Mami’s rules hook up a few specific people!
    • Mrs.Beer@https://thebreweryblog.blogspot.com/
    • Peryl@https://blog.seattlepi.com/parentingadabsurdum
    • Jennifer @ https://thetoyboxyears.blogspot.com/
    • Gucci Mama @https://www.mamastillwearsgucci.com/
    • The Vegetable Assassin @https://vegetableassassin.blogspot.com/

    I know its probably faux pas to give the award back to my giver but I just want to say, ~J @ https://boobiesbabiesblog.blogspot.com/ really is awesome. Please go check her out. Her blog will leave you in stitches and she always has great giveaways! Happy Mothering all!

  • What Gwen Stefani Taught Me about Parenting

    What Gwen Stefani Taught Me about Parenting

    I learned something life altering at the Gwen Stefani concert last Sunday.Raising girls has taught me to be a better woman. My little girls are no longer little girls. . It is beautiful and sad at the same time. On one hand, they amaze me by the young ladies they are becoming but on the other hand, to be honest, I am nostalgic for the babies who so desperately needed me. I’m torn. Happy for this new phase of real closeness that’s replacing the relationship where I got to be the hero. But, on the other hand, I do miss being the hero. Being human in your child’s eyes is both humbling and liberating but absolutely equalizing. Everybody who has ever had a child that’s grown into an adult knows this. I’m still figuring this all out.

    Something strange is happening in our house, the girls are growing up and turning into actual human beings that I love spending time with. The thing  is that this is not what I expected. I based my parenting beliefs on one untruth that my daughters would naturally separate from me as they grew older. I was dreading it but this is something I was counting on saving me from dying from a broken heart when they leave for college. But, contrary to my experience with my own mother, we seem to be growing even closer as they enter these years and this scares the hell out of me. How am I to survive the pending separation in a few years?

    Gwen Stefani, 1st concert, this is what the truth feels like, parenting, girls, milestones

    I’m not the kind of mom who would ever keep her kids close for her own satisfaction. I had that done to me and, honestly, I think it truly altered the course of my life. No, I believe that if you love something you have to set it free. I have to give my children wings to fly, no matter how much my selfish heart wants to clip them and keep them with me forever.  The thought of not seeing their faces every single day breaks my heart. I try not to think about it too much.

    Lately, I find myself catching my breath at the realization that I made this. When they were newborns, I used to be in awe of their sheer perfection. How could someone so imperfect give life to something so amazing and unscathed? But now, I sometimes watch them while they sleep and stand in silence and awe because I can’t believe these amazing humans they are becoming. It’s more than just cute and smart and funny, it’s big hearts with passionate minds and an openness that blows my heart wide open. They’ve been living in this world and they actively pursue goodness. They strive to love in a world filled with so much hate. They inspire me to be better. Then I’m stopped in my tracks when I realize they are reflections of their father and I and that’s wow. HUGE!

    Gwen Stefani, 1st concert, this is what the truth feels like, parenting, girls, milestones

    I remember being thrilled with each passing milestone; each defiant act of independence made my heart explode a little bit. The thing is this summer, there has been a huge shift happening, one I never anticipated…my girls are becoming human beings that I really enjoy being around. I thought I’d never be able to love them more than when they were sweet little newborns and toddlers and depended on me for survival but there is certainly something to be said for your children choosing to be around you rather than just needing to for survival.

    This summer has brought some slight physical changes in my girls, things I won’t talk about because it’s my blog and not my story to tell, but I will say at a time when most girls begin to shut their mom’s out, my girls seem to be turning to me for guidance. Yep, I am as baffled by this as you because when I was a tween and I started “changing” I shut my mom out, first thing. But instead, they’re coming to me with questions, and for hugs and guidance.

    Somewhere between the last day of school, all of these little changes have been happening very subtly. My cute little caterpillars are changing like whispers into butterflies. We have real conversations about real things and they listen and want my advice. It’s almost overwhelming because I was prepared for battle and instead, I’ve found allies. I didn’t think it was possible to love them any more than I already did but I was wrong. The bond is getting deeper.

    Gwen Stefani, 1st concert, this is what the truth feels like, parenting, girls, milestones

    The changes are small, minute almost, but they are definite. Suddenly, my baby is almost as tall as me and her feet are only a size smaller than mine. We can shop from the same stores and in the same departments but the thing that surprised me the most is that instead of wanting to be nothing like me, they want to be exactly like me. I don’t deny them this because they could definitely have worse role models. Sometimes I feel a little embarrassed when the oldest wants to dress alike because I’m sure the perception by strangers is that I’m trying to look younger by dressing like my daughter. That’s definitely not the case. I think, in her way, she uses it as a way to pull closer to me at a time when she feels herself naturally pulling away.

    It’s a whole host of moments that have happened this summer. The kind that you’d miss if you weren’t paying attention. Moving into the juniors department and leaving the kid’s department behind. A new perspective and dedication to the things they love, not that of a fickle child but of a determined young lady. Suddenly, they are spending more time at the side of the pool talking to me on a lounge chair than cannon balling. Then there are the glances from boys that I don’t think they even notice, but I see it happening.

    They are finally cool enough to enjoy Gwen Stefani in concert!

    Their taste in music has improved drastically, they now love to play the violin, i got one from https://www.runthemusic.com/violin-for-kids/. We’ve long been past the days of the Wiggles and YoGabbaGabba (well, not too long they will still listen if a CD finds its way into the cd player) but they have been comfortably smack dab in Radio Disney land and that’s ok. They love pop music but suddenly they are developing a taste for alternative and rock and and an openness to all kinds of music (like myself). In fact, we took them to their first ever concert (that wasn’t a kid’s group) to see Gwen Stefani and her This is what the truth feels like tour and they loved it and we loved seeing them love it. It was definitely a moment that I will never forget. So for example, your child loves rap music, let them attend  those concerts or join them by searching for rap concerts near me because you can definitely cherish those moments with them.

    School starts back next week and I’m honestly sad to see our summer together over. The school year brings with it obligations, rehearsals and a full schedule. We literally have one free day a week. I only have 7 more years, 7 more summers with my oldest in my house before she leaves for college and I can tell you definitely, it is not even near enough.

    They say childhood goes by fast but in those first few days holding your newborn, you can never imagine just how fast. It’s a flash and I think if you do it right, when the time comes to send your child out into the world, it will break your heart into a million pieces but you will be able to take peace in the fact that they know you will always be their home and you are always there if they need to come home. At least that is what I’m believing from my short 11 years of parenting.

    What was  your Gwen Stefani moment this summer with your kids?