The TRUTH About Motherhood

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The Ever Changing Rules and Regulations of Being a Teen Girl
My oldest is 13-years-old. Where did the time go? They are growing up faster than I feel like I can let go. Pretty soon, they are going to have to pry themselves from my cold dead hands. Then they’ll still probably have to break them in order for me to release, I’m just holding on that hard.
But the Big Guy, for as liberal as he pretends to be, is going to have an even harder time than me. He’s actually told the girls that they can’t date until they are 18 and he.was.serious. I just laughed. I told him that’s what my dad said too but I started dating when I was 15. I just didn’t tell my dad. That’s not what I want for our girls so we’re all easing into it.
READ ALSO: My Daughter Loves Me
The kids at school are all pairing up. 13-years-old, for me, is a bit young to be paired up BUT I do remember being that age and having crushes. In fact, I think somewhere in 8^th grade is where I lost my mind and went completely boy crazy. At least that is what my 8th-grade diary would have me believe. #SoEmbarassing
Bella’s always been too involved with ballet to have time to care about boys. But recently, there has been KJ Apa, Cole Sprouse and Robert Pattinson screensavers where there once was unicorns. But apparently, this is the case for the entire eighth-grade girl population.
A couple weeks ago she was homesick and instead of binge watching funny fails on Youtube she binge-watched the entire Twilight series and can’t stop talking Jacob’s chest. Kiss/Kill/Marry is the new favorite pastime with the girls.
I just watch and listen and let them know that it’s all normal. I don’t encourage or discourage. I simply pay attention and try to guide them through these confusing times of hormones and puberty.
There have been a couple boys and I can tell by my daughter’s sheepish smile and sparkly eyes that these boys are as good as KJ Apa and Cole Sprouse. But I don’t push. I don’t want them to feel like I’m pushing them to like boys (or girls) but I also don’t want them to feel like I am holding them back. I want them to know that as long as they respect themselves and aren’t cruel to anyone, it’s their choice to make. It’s a natural part of growing up.
Obviously, they are too young to actually date anyone but I can’t stop them from growing up. I can’t stop them from having feelings or wanting to get to know someone better. I can only encourage them to do it in a respectful, honest and dignified way.
A few weeks ago, when I picked Bella up from school, she excitedly recounted the day’s events which to my surprise involved a certain young man who knows how to use his words. It was a dress-up day and this boy, very sweetly pulled up his pant legs to reveal to my daughter a pair of socks with hearts on them. Then, he says, “I wore these just for you, Bella.”
She turned 50 shades of red and changed the subject. I know this because it’s exactly what she did when she told me about it. She’s shy, especially in this situation. What new teen wouldn’t be? Though I’m not quite ready for this next phase, the story was very sweet.
She’s starting to embrace becoming a teen and all which that entails; the good, the bad and the terrible. She’s even looking forward to high school when just this past summer, she wasn’t. She really is growing up so fast.
I’d like to think it has something to do with our style of parenting; let them know your love is unconditional and you will always be there to listen with understanding ears and an open heart but really, I think we just got lucky with a couple of good girls.
READ ALSO: Girl You’ll be a Woman Soon
Just a few months ago, puberty was barely on the horizon, off in the not so far distance. But that milestone has come and gone. We’ve got puberty covered. Thanks to lots of reading, lots of remembering my own teen years, lots of understanding and Knixteen’s period proof underwear and bras. Things are different from when I was 13-years-old.
Apparently, the teen years are a roller coaster of emotions and feelings and parents and kids alike are strapped in for the duration. All we can do is hold on to one another and try to enjoy the ride together. Never stop talking and more importantly, never stop listening. You never know what you might hear or what they might need you to say.
I know these sweet moments of blushing and sparkly eyes are just the beginning of what will become her long, complicated and beautiful story. I just hope she writes it down somewhere so when she’s a mom, she can look back and remember she was once at the beginning when things were confusing and new and scary and that will help her have the patience and courage and love it takes to get back on that roller coaster with her own daughter.
2018/10/26
Everything in life worth having, I got in college
Yesterday, here in the Midwest, was Sweetest Day. Not familiar with the Hallmark Day? Well, don’t feel bad. I believe its only celebrated here in the Midwest. What can we say, we love LOVE! It’s basically Valentine Day’s little not so bright sister. Same idea on a much smaller scale.
All excited for the first road trip in the Jeep
The Big Guy and I decided that yesterday was a perfect day to take the girls back to where it all began… Purdue University. We woke up and spontaneously made the 2+ hour trip south. It was a gorgeous autumn day. The leaves were every shade of amber, yellow, red and brown, the sun was high in the blue sky, and it was perfect sweatshirt and jean weather.
Indiana autumn
It was very exciting for us to be back on campus. We haven’t been in about 8 years. We were living in another part of the country and then we had the girls and there’s just not been a “right” time to go back. But yesterday morning, it was time. The girls were just excited to go on a road trip in Daddy’s new jeep..its very loud and rugged and they think it is awesome.
Daddy and his girls

The place where it all began; September 29,1997
We got to campus and parked so we could go get something to eat at our favorite restaurant. Of course, we hadn’t counted on it being Homecoming weekend and Breakfast club still going on at noon.So we couldn’t take our girls to our favorite joint for loaded fries because they were still serving alcohol as a bar. We had to explain to my 5-year old why all the college students were running around in costumes ( in case you are not familiar with the term, breakfast club is when you stay up all night drinking then put on your most outrageous costume and continue drinking at 7 am until you pass out.) We wanted to show the girls where we met, Harry’s chocolate shop, of course, there was a line down the street because of homecoming drinking.
Daddy and the girls @ the engineering mall. His old stomping grounds.
We decided to find a restaurant before we all passed out from malnutrition and were violated by the costumed hooligans:) The littles just thought it was so cool that all the students were dressed up. Of course, hey were in a state of shock and awe when an over zealous co-ed ran up to them and yelled “BOILER UP!”. Bella looked as if he had just cursed her out. Long story short we ate something and showed the girls where all of our favorite memories together were made, where we had lived, where we had classes, where we met, my first all girl dorm as a
Long story short we ate something and showed the girls where all of our favorite memories together were made, where we had lived, where we had classes, where we met, my first all girl dorm as a freshman, where we spent that first long night laying under the stars telling each other everything in the middle of those damn soccer fields, where he asked me to marry him, where he told me he loved me and where our lives changed forever.
Where the Big Guy Proposed January 28,1998

Picking leafs at Purdue

The famous “fountain”
The whole time, my chest was filled with pride to be sharing such a wonderful part of our history with our girls. It felt like being back in our first home as a “we”. It also was weird to be in a place that was such a momentous part of my past, standing there holding the hands of our future. It was weird, like the two could not exist simultaneously. At the same time it was amazing to be able to do so. To be able to watch my little girls walk the halls, paths and lie in the grass and touch the trees of the place that made me who I am today was a surreal feeling. To see my little girls in their Boilermaker p
To see my little girls in their Boilermaker princess t-shirts or pink polka dotted PURDUE t-shirts, traipsing along the streets that saw me turn into a woman almost brought me to tears. By the end of the day, hearing them yell, “Boiler Up” to complete strangers, and for my Bella to say “Mommy, this is the best day ever” as she chomped on Mad Mushroom cheese sticks made my heart happy.

Outside the Liberal arts building; my old stomping grounds

Enjoying the campus
It reminded me of my time in college, starting out as a scared little girl afraid to leave home, thrust onto this huge campus with no one. I met my best friend that year in the dorms.The girl who would become fairy Godmother ( as Bella calls her) to my Bella, maid of honor in my wedding, my greatest ally in life aside from the Big Guy.
She is the friend who is so close we are sisters. She is the friend who knows all of my flaws and secrets and still loves me. I never have to be anything other than myself around her. We are so close that her family is mine and mine are hers. So close that my happiness is her joy and my sadness causes her to cry and I am the same for her. That was just the first year of college.
My girl in the same spot I took my first ever picture on campus on Move in day , freshman year!

My best friend, my sister, “hermanita”.
A time passed by I became the woman I was always supposed to be. I grew from a child who wanted and did childish things to a woman. College was where I loved, grew, cried, laughed, and learned to sort out who and what was really important to me.
And then it was the place where I met the greatest love of my life, the love of my life. It was where I learned what it meant to be all in. It’s where I learned that love is not about who is in control, who has the most power or what you look like, it’s about giving your heart over to someone and knowing that they will take care of it and guard it with their life. It’s where I learned that beauty is only skin deep and first impressions are not always right. It’s where I learned that anything worth having is worth taking big risks for and going for it. Purdue is where I finally met “ME”.
I’m sure the girls did enjoy the day on campus but they will never know what this first trip with them meant to me and the Big Guy. I looked at him and saw the awkward, long and lanky alternative boy with the bleached blond hair and blue tips sporting an eyebrow ring that I had met at Harry’s. I’m sure he saw the spunky coed who was thin as a rail but could throw back the drinks with the frat boys.That girl who was fearless and carefree. The girl who would stay up all night lying in a field watching the stars and talking about our pasts and future all in that first night. I liked how that made me feel.
Being back there was like coming full circle and I can’t wait to do it over and over again. Everything in my life worth having, began on that campus. It was the beginning of the biggest journey of my life and I think that makes it pretty much a sacred place for me. Sometimes the sweetest day of all is just stepping back, taking a deep breath , remembering where it all began and enjoying what you have accomplished in this life.

My baby walking my old path to class ( also the same path to the Big Guy’s house:)

The wonderment that began at Purdue! Thank you Purdue for the most amazing memories and beginning to my lifetime!
BOILER UP, BABY!
2010/10/18
Netflix’s To the Bone Realistically Portrays Life with Eating disorders
Have you ever watched a movie or seen a show and thought to yourself, “Damn, that’s me! That’s my life!” I know it happens all the time because the human condition is a shared one. We don’t live in a vacuum and life is just a series of conditions, right?
The other day, I watched a movie and I saw me, exactly who I once was and it scared me because, by the way it was written, it was someone else too. Someone else had been where I had been and that made me think again about whether or not my girls might some day go down that same path. It was the Netflix Original To the Bone.
I see me, or rather, who I used to be. The anorexic girl. The one with the conflicted home life. The Unpresent dad, the checked out Mom who tried to help in her own way, while at the same time refusing to admit that there’s a problem at all.
Denial. It where we thrived. My job was to keep my dirty secret. Their job was to pretend it wasn’t happening. I fell through the cracks of a childhood held together by rubber bands and chewing gum.
I was alone, so very alone with my disease. People don’t really want to know when these sorts of things are happening, even if they suspect or even glimpse it with their own eyes, it’s too uncomfortable to discuss; to face head on. So we all pretend it’s not happening. Meanwhile, a child is dying.
READ ALSO: A Day in the Life of a Girl with Eating Disorders
It won’t go away. It doesn’t just stop. Sometimes, the darkness is so enveloping and the loneliness so crippling that you hope they don’t notice. You’d rather just disappear into the abyss without any fanfare or long, drawn out goodbyes. You want to cease to exist and other people’s concern only serves to prolong your agony.
The worst part for me was realizing that I was so good at it. Worse, I was so good at hiding it and it turned me into someone I despised because the only way to survive is to lie. Soon, you’re lying about everything to keep the one secret that you hold dearest to your heart.
There are never good days. It’s just a series of days you control better than others. You are being held at gun point in a prison of your own making; your head. There is no escape. There is no chance for parole. There is just a life sentence and, if you’re lucky, a life lived in daily recovery. Every day, for the rest of your life, you have to choose life because the alternative is that you die. You will literally die.
Though it may seem soothing and tempting, the thought of no longer having to endure; but the fucking guilt of it all is unbearable so every day, you get up, and you make the choice to live or to die.
For 8 years, I restricted and threw up every single day. Every single thing I ate. I threw up. I never binged, unless it was on alcohol and that was more to forget the world of shit I was living in, the complete loss of control and the fact that I was really hungry. I was starving in every sense of the word.
Five years before that, I began dieting. It was my gateway drug to starvation. I was 12-years-old when my journey started. 12, the magical age of awkward bodies caught between a child and a woman. My dad suggested that maybe I needed to “run more”. That was enough especially at that time in adolescence when you gain weight, right before you begin to develop and everything goes to the right place. You know, the exact same age as my daughter is today.
I’ve spent my entire motherhood tenure doing everything I can to not repeat this cycle. Here we are. This precipice that silently scares me to death. I’m constantly looking for all the signs. But I’ve done a good job. She thinks she’s perfect. She loves herself and her body. Then, it happened, beyond my control.
READ ALSO: Tips for Raising Healthy Daughters
As we were leaving the pediatricians office after her well visit last week, our dr was telling the girls where they rank on the charts. My 12-year-old has consistently ranked around the 98th percentile since birth. But this time, the new dr ( a female and girl Mom) told her “your BMI is a little high, so technically you are overweight.”
I shot her a death stare as I wanted to murder her on the spot but didn’t want to make a big deal of it in front of the girls. She continued, but that’s to be expected in a girl your age because most girls put on a little weight during puberty before everything goes where it’s supposed to go.
I saw the gut punch on my daughters face. I felt the humiliation of being told that you’re not perfect. Then, I saw her second guess what she’s always known about herself … we she good enough?
I spent the ride home assuring her that the doctor said this was normal at this age. I assured her that she eats right and is very active and an athlete. She trusts me because I’m her mother. She accepted my words. But I know that now, forever, the seed of doubt has been planted and that crushes me.
Words have weight. Thoughts sometimes should be kept inside your head. Actions are forever.
I know there has been some controversy about the movie To the Bone. But coming from someone who knows, I think it was far from making anorexia seem desirable, or acting as if it stems from a desire to “look skinny.” The writing is sensitive but unsparingly real because it comes from personal experience. There were lines in there that only someone who has suffered from eating disorders would say or know. An anorexic can spot another anorexic from a mile away.
It’s the directorial film debut of Marti Noxon, a writer and executive producer on such shows as UnREAL and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and to write To the Bone she drew on her own battle with anorexia. (The film’s credits note that it is based on actual events.) I wouldn’t recommend you show it to your teen daughter but as a parent of a teen girl, or someone who loves someone living with this disorder or even for the girl surviving it…this movie, in my opinion, is a must see.
Have you seen To the Bone and what were your thoughts?
Disclosure: I am a member of the Netflix Stream Team, so I binge a lot of Netflix, but my opinion about To the Bone and my personal experience with eating disorders are all my own.

2017/08/25
A Girl and Her Grandpa
Imagine explaining racism to a child when they learned about it for the first time when someone was making fun of their grandfather from another country. Kids are born perfect, accepting and loving. I wish we could just keep them that way forever. But the world comes in and
My daughters are pretty freaking amazing. I know we all think that about our kids but my girls have very big hearts and they are very loving and sweet. Don’t get me wrong, they have their moments when they can be complete terrors but not cleaning their rooms and fighting with one another aside, they are good girls. They both leave me random sticky notes and drawn portraits of the two of us that tell me that they love me and that I am the BEST MOM! Which, let’s be honest is nice to hear every once in a while amid all the heat of the moment, “I hate YOU”s. So, it makes me go full on mama bear if anyone ever hurts them. (more…)
2013/05/29
According to CNN, “Promising Futures” of Steubenville Rapists Snatched Away by Rape Victim
Trent Mays,17, and Ma’lik Richmond,16, are not “stars” of the Steubenville rape trial show. This case was not a cautionary tale movie on Lifetime. It really happened and these boys are monsters and they aren’t the only people who were effected by this trial. There is a young girl, a victim of gang rape, who was publicly shamed, drugged, mistreated, graphically and publicly assaulted, whose life will never be the same again. And yet if you were watching CNN yesterday morning as the Steubenville rape verdict was presented you might have gotten confused and thought that those boys were the victims of some coercing, long island Lolita/ Black Widow type. You might have gotten confused and felt some sympathy. I, myself, was utterly disgusted and flabbergasted. (more…)
2013/03/18
Throat Punch Thursday~ Aliahna Lemmon: A sheep among wolves
Aliahna Lemmon; Little Girl Lost
Aliahna Lemmon~ By now, I am sure that many of you are familiar of the case of the little missing girl from Ft.Wayne Indiana, Aliahna Lemmon. This is a case of the most disgusting kind and never have I had a Throat Punch Thursday happen so close to home. It frightens me to my very core to think that there is this kind of evil walking amongst our children every single day and we never know it.
In case you are unfamiliar with the case here is a recap: Aliahna Lemmon was a beautiful little 9 year old who lived with her Mother,Tarah Souders, and step father in a trailer park on the north side of Ft.Wayne. Aliahna Lemmon’s mother moved her and her 2 sisters to Fort Wayne when Ms. Souders father ( a convicted child molester) was dying and needed his daughter to help take care of him in his last days. Ms. Souder’s father just happened to live in a trailer park that housed 14 other convicted offenders. Why anyone in their right mind would move their children into that area, no matter what the circumstances, I don’t know. As a mother, moving your child into a known den of sex offenders is as irresponsible as leaving your child in the care of a complete stranger. Oh wait, that comes later.
Aliahna Lemmon: A Sheep among Wolves
Last Thursday, 9 year old Aliahna Lemmon disappeared from the trailer of one 39-year-old Michael Pulmadore. Why was she at this man’s trailer you ask? So did I. Apparently, Aliahna Lemmon’s mother, Tarah Souders, was sick with the flu and had left her 3 young daughters in the care of this man, who she calls a family friend. Does this sound fishy to you? As the mother of two small girls, I would NEVER EVER leave my daughters in the care of anyone who is not blood related for a week, especially not in a neighborhood where 1/2 of the neighbors are convicted sex offenders.
Friday, she was reported missing by Michael Pulmadore after he said he talked to Tarah Souders and realized that she had not taken little Aliahna home. Allen County sheriffs department was alerted. All weekend the entire city searched for little Aliahna. By Tuesday, Michael Pulmadore admitted to having killed the little girl on Thursday night by bashing her head in with a brick. In a panic he put the little girl’s body in a garbage bag in a deep freezer in his trailer ( the very trailer that used to belong to her Grandfather who died earlier this month). Then he took her out of the freezer and used a hack saw to dismember Aliahna Lemmon’s body. He then put her head, hands and feet back into the freezer while dumping the remainder of her body in a dumpster at a local convenience store. As of today, the coroners report has not been released so we don’t now if the little girl was molested. We also don’t know what the motive was for that sick fuck Michael Pulmadore to bash her head in with a brick. Nor do we know what the hell made her mother think it was alright to leave her small daughters with a man who was practically a stranger.
Poor little Aliahna Lemmon has been brutally murdered and nobody knows why. Throat Punches go out to all the people who failed this little girl; her Mother who put her in harms way, her Grandfather who promised she would be safe, her father who said he trusted Michael Pulmadore, her stepfather who allowed her to stay at Michael Pulmadore’s trailer and Michael Pulmadore who abused this little girl’s trust and brutally murdered her for no apparent reason. I hope Michael Pulmadore pays for what he did and that those who loved Aliahna Lemmon can have some peace in knowing that finally she is safe from her neighbors.
Aliahna Lemmon; May you rest in Peace

2011/12/29
I almost vomited over a Snowflake
Snowflake, be still my beating heart. Saturday, the day we’d been waiting for for the past 3 years finally happened.Ella started ballet when she was 3 and since then has been longing, planning for the day when she would be in our city’s ballet production of the Nutcracker. I remember the first days of taking her to ballet class, she was so nervous and uncoordinated. She was practically a baby in her pink tights, leotard and ballet slippers. She was so small, it was difficult to even find shoes that fit her appropriately. But like all things she sets her mind to, Ella achieves what she desires. She doesn’t really understand limitations. I like it that way. I hope she never loses that. Saturday was one of the destinations that this journey has been headed towards. Saturday was the first time she was old enough to audition. We woke up Saturday morning. I was nauseated from nerves. Ella was excited. As I put on her tights and leotard, I could feel the stress building inside me. While pulling her hair back into her ballerina knot, I was almost brought to tears by the thought of what if she isn’t chosen. She has been looking forward to this day for over half of her short life. As she pulled on her rain boots, I realized this was one of those defining moments in her life. This was the day she either became a performing ballerina or the first day she experienced rejection.Either way, I was nervous for her.
Daddy’s little Snowflake
We walk in to the dance theater and register. The place is packed full of a range of ballerinas. I immediately start sizing my girl up to every other ballerina in sight. After getting her into her slippers, her father and I offer some words of encouragement. At this point, I am pretty much vomiting a little bit in my mouth. Ella is unphased. She just wants to get on with it and get her part. Her confidence is inspirational.
Mommy’s Little Snowflake
She locates a couple of competition her friends from class. They squeal at the sight of one another. All of us Moms breathe a sigh of relief that we are not sending our girls to the wolves alone. Then it happens. They call for the 5-7 age group. With a kiss for good luck and a smile, we send our girl off to her fate. I say a little prayer. We are all praying our little 5 year olds get to be mice ( standard part for that age group) in the Nutcracker.
Time passed s-l-o-w-l-y. I watch her ascend the stairs, my little girl, and I realize this is just one more of those firsts in life that I can not do for her. She is excited and a little nervous, but mostly excited. I am a half a breath away from falling to the ground and assuming the fetal position.
We wait for her to return. And wait. And wait some more. A half hour later, part of the group ascends the stairs. I hold my breath and wait for Ella to appear. One of her classmates comes down, her mother is standing, waiting with me. She is carrying a letter. She has the part! She is a MOUSE! Hurrah!
Uh oh! The mice have been cast. Where is my Ella? Oh, no my worst fears are coming true. She is not a mouse. All I could think was, she will be heart broken. Pull it together Debi. You have to be strong for your girl. I was going over all my pep talks in my head. “It’s OK, next year we can try again”, ” You are a great dancer, there were a lot of little girls trying out and everyone deserves a chance”, “Mommy loves you, these people are stupid (LOL,I’d never say that..well, probably not)”. I shot my husband an “Oh Shit” look. He gave me the “breathe woman” look, as usual. I congratulated the other little girl. She was so proud.
Then ,15 minutes later, another group is released. I see Ella. She is holding an envelope. All I could think of was “how the hell am I going to explain why she’s not a mouse”. She walked over to me all smiles ( poor unsuspecting fool). I asked her how the audition went. She thought it went fabulous. She used to be taught by the director ( who was actually at audition selection) and she was just so exited to see Ms.Prima Ballerina. It’s really all that she cared about. Then I took the envelope out of her hands, I braced myself, and I opened it.Deep breath!
She wasn’t a mouse. She was a SNOWFLAKE! It’s a bigger, more advanced part and she gets to wear a white tutu , with a tiara and dance as snow falls onto stage. She was happy. Her Daddy and sister were proud and happy for her. I was relieved and so full of pride of my little girl that I thought I might bust at the seams. I texted every family member we have, on both sides, and told them to pencil in the weekend of December 10-12 to come and see our Ella in her stage debut as a snowflake. Her first performance as a ballerina will be attended by every family member who can make it. There will be a showering of flowers and love on our little girl at a diner in her honor. It will be a night she will not forget. And to think,
I almost vomited over a snowflake.
Ella, you are always Mommy’s Prima Bellarini. I am so proud of you. You will not be capable of understanding this feeling that I have until you have your own child. It is more than any pride than I have ever felt in myself. I love you! 9/11/10 First Audition date ever. We have our very own Snowflake this holiday season.
2010/09/13
Throat Punch Thursday;Dead Beat Dad & Mommy Dearest Edition
I realize that there are a lot of assholes in this world. I realize that children can drive you up a flipping wall and make you pull all of your hair out.Believe me. I understand this. But it takes a special kind of crazy bitch and douche bag to go to these lengths. I’m really losing my tolerance for people in general.Put on your big girl panties and deal with it people! Watch the video. Then we’ll talk.
https://abcnews.go.com/assets/player/walt2.6/flash/SFP_Walt.swf
I know by now you have all heard about Zahra Baker, the missing 10 year old from Hickory, North Carolina. The case started out as an amber alert after her Father,Adam Baker, and Step Mother, Elisa Baker, reported the little disabled girl missing last Saturday afternoon. They reported that she was last seen sleeping in her bed about 2:30 a.m. Saturday. Really? Would you wait 12 hours to report a 10 year old girl missing? Where the hell did they suppose she had went? Out for cigarettes in her car? Or maybe they thought she had run off and eloped.
Zahra, a 10 year old survivor of bone cancer who had lost her hearing and had a prosthetic leg, we are suppose to believe disappeared in the middle of the night. Apparently, it mus happen on a regular basis since No one thought to report it.By the way, Zahra has not been found and is assumed dead, the hearing aids have been found, but not the prosthesis, Hickory Police Chief Tom Adkins has said. Still with me? Does any of this make any logical sense to you so far? ME, neither. I’m not buying it.I’m calling BULLSHIT! I’m also quite irate.
A search warrant application filed in the case said authorities responded to a call about a burning mulch pile at the family’s home about 5:30 a.m. Saturday.Seriously, who burns mulch before day light?Oh yeah, that’s right..assholes who are trying to hide something and work with wood chippers, maybe burning a little 10 year old girls remains; evidence.
Upon arrival, firefighters found a Chevrolet Tahoe with its passenger door open and an envelope with handwriting on it on the front windshield.They notified the police, who approached the SUV and smelled gasoline coming from inside. The note written on the envelope was addressed to a “Mr. Coffey,( Adam Baker’s boss, Mark David Coffey). Hmmm? Sort of suspicious, don’t you think?
The note said, “Mr. Coffey, you like being in control now who is in control .We have your daughter and your pot smoking red head son is next unless you do what is asked $1,000,000 unmarked will be in touch soon.” In the bottom right, the note said, “no cops,” You know, just as an FYI. Wow! These people maybe have a combined IQ of, I’m guessing, 47? Coffey and his daughter were at the residence at the time of the fire, according to the warrant.
Adam Baker called police about 2 p.m., saying someone had poured gas in his car and left a note saying they had his boss’ daughter. Baker told police he believed the person who left the note had kidnapped Zahra. The Bakers consented to a search of their home. A cadaver dog indicated the possible presence of human remains in or on the Chevrolet Tahoe as well as a burgundy Toyota Camry on the property. Authorities were testing swabs taken from the Tahoe to determine if blood was also present. So, let’s think..what do we really think happened?
Since then, it has come to light that Elisa Baker, who was already in custody on unrelated charges, admitted to police that she wrote the ransom note that was left on the car Saturday, the day Zahra was reported missing. Police are charging Elisa Baker with felony obstruction of justice.Relatives and friends of the family have alleged that Elisa Baker physically abused Zahra and said she was reported to state social services officials.The North Carolina Department of Health and Human Services has declined comment on the case. It has also come to light that no one outside of Adam and Elisa have had a visual on Zahra in almost a month.What the FUCK? Seriously,there are so many idiots involved in this case that I am wondering who should get the Throat Punch. The list would probably be smaller of who doesn’t deserve it.
This case disturbs me to my core. Want my two cents?Probably not but you’re going to get it anyways. I think that the crazy bitch Step Mother and piece of shit Father, know what happened to this little girl.Maybe it got a little too hard to take care of the little girl. Maybe they were just lazy white trash, who shared a brain. All I know, beyond speculation, is the little girl is gone and the Step mom admitted to writing the ransom note. Does this not remind you of Jon Benet Ramsey? Reminiscent of Caylee Anthony? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, there needs to be a license and IQ requirement to have children. I know it’s hard sometimes, but kids are not merchandise from the local Target, you can’t take them home, try them on and return them.They are NOT goldfish, just because you are tired of taking care of them, feeding them, paying their medical bills, what have you..you can NOT drown them, flush them, hang them, stab them, bury them in cement or throw them in the river or a wood chipper. There was more than one person responsible for the death of this little girl; the school who never reported her missing, the step Mom and dad who probably are literally responsible, DCFS who never followed up,the relatives who just didn’t think it was important enough to do something, and where the hell is Zahra’s birth mother? Did this bitch just give her a jacked up name, find out she was sick and abandon her to her fate? It takes a village people! And Zahra’s whole freaking village needs to be pistol whipped and thrown into the wood chipper! Throat Punches are too good for these people. I hope enough evidence is gathered to put these people in prison for the rest of their lives.Maybe there they can get the punishment they deserve from their inmates!
For the complete story please go here.
P.S. My faith in humanity has hit an all time low with this case.
2010/10/15
Best Tech to Help You Get Healthy in the New Year
Time to get healthy. It’s that time of year again when I’m not quite sure what day it is and my jeans no longer fit. Even the jeggings are being pushed to their limits. Well, technically, I can still zip my skinny jeans but they are functioning more like a tourniquet these days than actual clothing and there is nothing “skinny’ about the situation. Unless you consider the magic they hold that can hold a 10-pound sack of ass in a 5-pound bag sort of stretchy magic. I’m afraid I’m going to be in public and a bend in the right direction is going to send my derriere publicly exposed in all directions.
I am in full on Humpty Dumpty land and feeling every bit of all of those holiday carbs that I’ve been shoveling into my face between Halloween and the New Year holding their hands up and demanding to be counted. This happens every year. Somehow, I slowly phase out the cute skinny jeans for full skirts, A-line dresses and the dreaded Christmas leggings and voila, here we are…”fat girl in a little coat” ( or jeans as it were) time.
It sucks. I hate feeling perpetually bloated. And I’ve convinced myself that my skinny jeans have to weigh at least weigh 15 – 18 pounds. It’s not me. It’s them and they need to get on a diet STAT. It’s the only logical explanation. I’m sure this new egg shaped physique that I’m sporting has nothing to do with all the cakes, pies and alcohol that I consumed at all the holiday gatherings. Oh and I blame my period, as I always do. Has to be. I mean that’s at least another 5-10 pounds of water weight, right?
All I know is that if this state of being is not remedied soon, I’m going to go postal in the nearest fast food joint or maybe the nearest 1200 calorie latte serving Starbucks. Sonsabitches, I knew that caramel crème brulee latte was French for fat girl. Bastards. The thing is no one made me eat it. No one forced me to sip that sweet, overpriced, calorie stuffed latte. I wanted it and with wild abandon, I consumed in typical American nature. Moderation? I don’t need any stinking moderation. Come on we all know that I operate on two speeds; restriction or no moderation whatsoever. It’s a sickness. Really.
Anyways, you know me, I’m not one to go gently or silently into anything. I’m scrappy and I’m going to fight it to the death. It’s that time once again when I feel the need to beat the fat back into submission. Okay, all joking aside, I’m not delusional. I’m never going to sport the waif like body of my 20’s ever again. Mostly because I’ve been in eating disorder recovery for nearly 20 years and I can’t relapse into full on anorexic, not with tween girls in the house, that would make me a terrible role model. Hey, I didn’t say it’s right but everyone has their thinspiration’ mine just happens to be healthy for my girls without being off the rails mentally ill in front of my girls while doing it.
It’s a daily battle that I’ve mostly been winning. I won’t lie, there have been days when I’ve purged out of guilt after a particularly rich meal or simply passed on something I should have eaten because I needed the control on that day and there has even been the bad choices of mania laden juicing or over exercising. I know my triggers and I know, like an alcoholic, I’ll be in recovery (one day at a time) for the rest of my life. Eating disorders are a life sentence. Nobody tells you that.
I don’t want the setback if I can help it so that means I have to jump into that familiar territory of “healthy living” or as I’d like to call it “Moderate restriction with good intentions.” Don’t worry, it mostly entails actually watching what I’m eating, getting those 10000 steps in a day and just saying no to all the cakes, pies, fast food and alcohol for a while. But don’t feel sorry for me, it also means looser jeans, better fitting tops, lower blood pressure, lower sugar, feeling sexier in my own skin and feeling strong and the cherry on top, being a good role model for my girls.
I’m sharing a few of the things I’m using to get healthy in 2017. Because I don’t care what the number on the scale says anymore. I do, however, care about how my clothes fit me and that I have enough energy to play with my kids. They are tweens now so we’re not chasing them on the floor but the hours they can walk in the mall is mind boggling. I may as well put on a pair of good gym shoes and become an undercover mall walker. Plus, side note, no one wants to be their kid’s very own Gilbert Grape’s mom, right?
I’m sick of feeling sick and tired. Also, after the break last year and the subsequent loss of weight, now that I’ve gained it back, I can really feel the effect it is having on my knees, ankles and back. It’s not good.
Here are my favorite tools in my arsenal to battle the holiday bulge.
ExoSOLS inserts: These are awesome because they are custom-made orthotics that are made specifically for your foot, to give you the support that your feet need. No prescription is required, simply download the SOLS app and capture images of your feet to render your true custom foot support. Made for you, on-demand, ExoSOLS will be shipped six days later.
Gel-Nimbus 18 Lite Show by Asics: I found out that I suffer from supination or as you runners call it underpronation.Basically, my ankles roll out in a state of sprain your ankle or stress fracture your legs at all time so I need to take precautions (Along with my physical therapy and orthotic inserts…see above) just not to fall.My world is filled with metaphorical banana peels.
TRX training: Get the workout of your life using your own body weight and it’s easily taken with you and doesn’t take up a lot of space. TRX, the global leader in Functional Training and creators of the Suspension Trainer and Suspension Training, has teamed up with PEAR Sports, the leader in app-based, real-time audio coaching focused on performance and fitness, to provide world-class interactive training to TRX newcomers and devotees anytime and anywhere, at home or on the road.
Qardio scale: This is my favorite scale ever because it not only sleek and beautiful, it is a very functional, wireless smart scale and body composition analyzer that provides users with in-depth knowledge and a broader view of fitness goals by measuring body mass index (BMI), muscle mass, body fat percentage, and water and bone composition, in addition to weight.
QardioArm Blood Pressure Cuff: High tech blood pressure cuff that works wirelessly through an app on your phone. It is accurate, convenient and awesome. It offers users a convenient way to take medically accurate measurements of key heart health metrics including blood pressure and heart rate. It’s a great way to be proactive about monitoring your health.
PEAR Sports: PEAR Sports delivers an innovative and intuitive technology that guides users through every step of their fitness journey. With over 500 unique workout programs including running, cycling and strength, users can experience real-time, interactive audio workouts and personalized training from some of the world’s most talented athletes and fitness experts. Utilizing biofeedback and data, PEAR’s interactive software empowers its users to train smarter, keeps them motivated throughout the process and shares in their successes. PEAR is helping the everyday fitness enthusiast achieve better results, faster.
Huawei Watch: I wear my elegant like it is going out of style, which it never will. With the Huawei Watch, classic Swiss design meets smart technology to create an enduring timepiece. A superior full circle display offers a window onto the world. A wearable to be worn in the gym, to the office or on a night on the town. I loved it so much I got my husband the classic for men.
Portion Control boxes to measure my food because I need portion control in my life badly.
Oh and CIZE and Pure Barre videos because honestly, I love to do classes but I just don’t have the time and money right now to be on someone else’s schedule at the gym.
Now, I start the work. I’ve already begun the portion control and better choices, less carbs and alcohol part of the new year healthy living plan. Tomorrow, when everybody goes back to their respective places, I will begin my workout regime. Wish me luck.
What’s your favorite thing you do to get healthy?

2017/01/03
Weekend in Chicago the Aladdin Experience
This past weekend, we took a road trip to Chicago. I still can’t believe that there is so much that I haven’t taken the girls to do in my hometown. Over spring break, I took the girls to see some of the more nationally known sites in Chicago. Usually, we just go to grandma’s house.
But last week, I took the girls home to some of my old stomping grounds i.e. the beach. My girls hear me talk about “the beach” all the time. They know I spent all my summers swimming and playing in the waves at “the beach” but as they’ve gotten older, they are all, “Hey, ma! There’s no beach in Chicago. It’s a lake!” And I‘m all, nope, Mommy doesn’t do “lakes” in the traditional sense because..ewwww, fresh water ( more like doesn’t move water) barely moves and unless there are rapids or waves, I’m not getting in. You’ve heard about those parasites that go up your nose and your urethra. No thank you!
Anyways, I totally digress, my point is I had to show them that my beach was a beach like the coastal beaches they’re used to, not like a rock covered pool of stagnant water buried in tick country. Yeah, don’t invite me to your lake house. I won’t come. I took the girls to the beach twice in 3 days. They get it now. They know what I mean. They loved it. They want to move to “the beach”. This makes me happy.
We also consumed lots of food that is indigenous to “the region”. The region is where I hail from, it’s the Chicagoland area but not the city. We are 20 minutes from downtown, on “this side” of the border. Meaning everything we grew up doing was in Chicago but since you could walk to the state line in 5 minutes from my house, technically, I lived in Indiana but I knew nothing about Indiana. I never even saw corn until I went to college. Boiler up!
We hit our usual local eatery favorites; Barton’s Pizzeria and White Castles. You can take the girl out of the region but you can’t take the region out of the girl. Then we hit Portillos. I had a hot Italian beef with all the Giardiniera they could put on it. The spicier the better. It was delicious. My youngest ordered a Chicago dog with nothing on it but ketchup. WHAT? She nearly lost her ish when they brought her a poppy seed bun. Fortunately, she was too hungry to go into a full on refusal.
But this trip was even more special than usual because aside from hanging out with cousins and barbecues and beaches, we took the girls to the city for an extra special date night that included a stop at the Joffrey with my two ballerinas to surprise their besties visiting from North Carolina.
A side trip to Marshall Fields (oops Macy’s! Who am I kidding it’ll always be Marshall Fields to me the way the Sears tower will never be the Willis Tower) because mama made an unwise shoe choice and then we had dinner at the Randolph Tavern about a 1 minute walk from the Cadillac Palace Theater. It was delicious and even on a Friday night, it was perfect for the kids. Even had an awesome kids menu and did I mention the Sangria because I should have. It was delicioso!
But the piece de resistance was that we took the girls to see Disney’s Aladdin at the Cadillac Palace Theater thanks to the generosity of Broadway in Chicago. You know how we love our theater. If you have the chance to take your kiddos to go see it…go see it! It was amazing. In fact, you don’t need kids to go see it. If you watched it back in the day when you were a kid, it’s even better on stage. Bet you didn’t think it could be possible did you? Well, it is. I like live productions and 3-dimensional characters. I was in theater heaven.
The Cadillac Palace is a gorgeous old building located in the heart of Chicago’s theater district.
Aladdin the musical, adapted from the Disney film and centuries-old folktales including, “One Thousand and One Nights,” is brought to fresh theatrical life in this bold new musical. Aladdin’s journey sweeps audiences into an exotic world of daring adventure, classic comedy and timeless romance. This new production features a full score, including the five cherished songs from the Academy Award-winning soundtrack and more written especially for the stage.
That was the press release version of Aladdin the musical.
This is my version of Disney’s Aladdin on stage.
The colors are vibrant. The atmosphere is vibrant. It’s electricity and you can feel yourself drawing from the energy of those on stage. It started with a bang. I honestly was not sure that they could pull it off, bringing an animated story to the stage. I thought it would fall flat of my expectations but I was pleasantly surprised by how animated and magical it all felt.
The music was pitch perfect and so animated that you almost forget that you’re watching it on stage as you are transformed into an animated world of Agrabah.
Genie, played by Anthony Murphy, was a show stopper. He was absolutely hilarious and played the part as larger than life. The only thing more grandiose than his stage presence was his powerful voice.
Aladdin, played by Jacob Dickey direct from the Broadway production, looked a bit like a young Rob Lowe. He was the embodiment of the animated Aladdin. I didn’t think it could be done but he really brought the character to life, literally.
Jasmine, one of my girls’ personal favorite princesses, played by Isabella McCalla, was the tiny, spit fire that I always hoped Jasmine could be. She was feisty and sassy and perfection.

Another favorite character of mine was Jafar’s sidekick, Iago, played by Reggie De Leon . Firstly, I loved that they changed the character from a bird to a human on stage. It just played better. He was a sidekick no more. He was hilarious, perfectly timed and his dry humor was appreciated more than I can convey.

I loved that the Abu character was replaced by 3 friends of Aladdin (Babkak, Omar and Kassim) not only did it play better in a live production, it gave the story a new dimension that made more sense in the real world. They were sort of an attractive, endearing version of the three stooges but they had pipes.
I know that everyone loves the “Whole New World” scene in Aladdin the animated movie but I have to say the magic carpet ride in the live production was nothing short of magical. I swear I saw no strings and I still don’t know how they did it. It must be that Disney+Broadway+Chicago=Magic.
Now, I will warn you, if you are a die hard Disney Aladdin animated purist, like my husband, there have been some changes. I will list them here so that you know they are coming. There are more songs ( because it is a musical), Abu has been replaced by 3 male friends of Aladdin ( so there is no monkey on stage), Rajah has been replaced by 3 female attendants (so again, no tiger on stage. I think that’s safer for all involved), Iago is not a bird but instead a human and Genie is not a cartoon but he is larger than life and very animated.
My personal opinion, I’ll take the live action production on stage.The animated movie is still near and dear to my heart because of the hundreds of times that I’ve watched it with my girls but you can’t beat the magical feeling of being part of a live production. I think my daughters and my nephew totally agree with me.

Aladdin is now playing in Chicago as part of the North American tour launch at the Cadillac Palace Theatre (151 W. Randolph Street) for a limited premiere engagement through September 10, 2017.
Tickets for Aladdin at the Cadillac Palace Theatre start at $44. In Chicago, tickets are available at all Broadway In Chicago Box Offices (24 W. Randolph St., 151 W. Randolph St., 18 W. Monroe St. and 175 E. Chestnut), the Broadway In Chicago Ticket Line at (800) 775-2000, all Ticketmaster retail locations and online at www.BroadwayInChicago.com. A select number of Premium Ticket Packages, which include a prime seat location, a commemorative souvenir program and an exclusive merchandise item, are also available for many performances. Group tickets for 10 or more are available by calling Broadway In Chicago Group Sales at (312) 977-1710. For a complete performance schedule for Aladdin, please visit www.BroadwayInChicago.com.
Disclosure: I was provided tickets to see Disney’s Aladdin at the Cadillac Palace in Chicago by Broadway in Chicago but all opinions and love of Broadway stage productions are my own.
2017/07/14