The TRUTH About Motherhood

Category: News

How Donald Trump will Destroy America for our Children
I wanted to write a lighthearted Saint Patrick’s Day post today but Donald Trump has me terrified. It has nothing to do with being a Republican or a Democrat; it’s him, as a person. I am a Political Scientist by degree, I’m not sure many of you know that about me. Politics are my jam. I know all the ins and outs and I have my affiliations but I’m not asking you to vote the way I vote, I’m just asking that you consider all the facts.
I absolutely believe in the right to free speech and the right for every single person who is a citizen of this country to be able to vote for who they want to lead us, we are the people of “we the people”. It is our country. The President is an elected official. By staying silent and allowing a monster to be elected, because you don’t want to get called for jury duty, makes you part of the problem, not the solution and your (yes, you!) vote counts!
I’m not here to Trump bash, though if you know anything about me, you know I can’t stand his politics. But this is Throat Punch Thursday and I don’t think anyone deserves a bigger punch to the gullet, with a Chuck Norris round house kick more than Mr. Trump. If you support him, we’re probably not friends and aren’t reading this so I won’t worry about you unfriending me but on the off chance you are a Trump supporter, I would love to hear why you think he is the best candidate for you in the comments.
When I think of Trump the businessman, and I know many people think that the United States needs a business savvy person to run the country to fix the economy, I think of the top 1%. He is without a savvy businessman. He has more money than he knows what to do with and I think with that comes a God like feeling. When you don’t need people, I think you begin to lose touch with reality and that is a slippery slope to losing your humanity. It’s almost as if he can’t help it. He’s lived in this Trump bubble of his for so long that the situation the other 99% lives in (paycheck to paycheck) is not even fathomable anymore.
What scares me the most about the thought of Donald Trump winning the presidential election is that he thinks he is above all reproach. He will not be held accountable. He incites hatred and has made racism, misogyny, bigotry and xenophobia acceptable behavior by American people. In the short amount of time since he has began campaigning, people are crawling out from under their rocks and hurling hatred at one another in the most disgusting ways and it’s trickling down to our children.

Children hear and see everything. I discuss politics with my daughters. We have dinner together every night and we discuss our days and the news. I don’t believe in keeping my kids in bubbles. I think that kind of gullibility makes them vulnerable and susceptible to other people’s opinions so we discuss. I allow them to form their own opinions by presenting the facts. They know that they don’t have to agree with me but they do need to make informed choices in life.
I’ve worked really hard parenting my children to become good human beings. I don’t want Donald Trump to ruin our children’s futures with his agenda of hatred. Personally, I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job of parenting and I want my kids to stay on the trajectory they are on as good, decent human beings who see other human beings.

What do you think of Donald Trump and his campaigning antics?
Donald Trump: A History of Violence"
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2016/03/17
5 Things Beyonce Can Teach Our Girls
Saturday, I saw Beyonce‘s video for Formation and I fell in love with it. I’ve been a fan of Beyonce since Destiny’s child. Not a rabid fan but I had a genuine appreciation for her as an artist. She has a beautiful voice and she’s all about the girl power, which as the mother of two daughters, she had me from the get.
What I love about Formation is how strong she is. Giving absolutely zero fucks. I’m going to speak my mind because bitches I’ve been silent too long. She came out the box with words a blazing. The lyrics alone were strong and on point but the imagery of the video told the whole story.
She is the kind of role model I want for my little girls. Hell, she’s my new shero with this bold new side.
Here are a few lessons all little girls, especially those little minority girls of ours, can learn from Beyonce and her new video.
1. “My daddy’s Alabama, my mommas Louisiana”
Be proud of who we are no matter where we come from. Who cares if you are from the country like Bey or the ghetto like me. Where we come from makes who we become. If I hadn’t been poor and grew up in the ghetto, I probably wouldn’t be the strong broad I am today. Coming from hard places makes you scrappy and a fighter and that’s nothing to be embarrassed ever.
2. “I just might be a black Bill Gates in the making”
We can be anything we want to be. If we are ready to put in the blood, sweat and tears to get it. It can be ours. We are not limited by anything but our own determination. Don’t let other people’s opinions matter more to you than what you think of yourself. Work hard and do you.
3. “I carry hot sauce in my purse”
Firstly, me too girl, me too! Be yourself and be proud. Give zero fucks about what other people think about you. You have to live with yourself. Make yourself happy. Life is too short to spend your life worrying about what other people think about you. We can’t leave our happiness in someone else’s hands or we’d all be unhappy. We’ve got to be who we are and go after what we want.
4. ” I like my baby hair, with baby hair and afros. I like my Negro nose with Jackson Five nostrils.”
Love your body. Love what God gave you. If you are black, white, Latino or whatever else you might be we might all be the same on the inside (human) but we most certainly look different on the outside. We have different body types and we need to embrace them. I’m never going to have the “model body” of a 10-year-old boy. I have curves. It’s how I’m built. I have no ass to speak and rather large breasts. I can’t change any of it and instead of spending my life hating the body I was given, I need to embrace it and love it for what it is and not hate it for what it isn’t.
This part is everything.
5. Go for it! Slay it. Put your heart, your soul and your back into it. Take no shit. Stand up for what you believe in and don’t be afraid to make your voice heard because we all matter!
I see it, I want it
I stunt, yeah, little hornet
I dream it, I work hard
I grind ’til I own it
I twirl all my haters
Albino alligators
El Camino with the ceiling low
Sippin’ Cuervo with no chaser
Sometimes I go off, I go off
I go hard, I go hard
Get what’s mine, take what’s mine
I’m a star, I’m a star
Cause I slay, slay
I slay, hey, I slay, okay
I slay, okay, all day, okay
I slay, okay, I slay okay
We gon’ slay, slay
Gon’ slay, okay
We slay, okay
I slay, okay
I slay, okay
Okay, okay, I slay, okay
Okay, okay, okay, okay
Every woman…can I please get a HELL, YEAH? This is the anthem for African Americans and women alike. It’s a call to action. A wake-up call. We all matter and that’s worth fighting for and I can’t think of anything better that I’d like to teach my little girls.
What did you think of Beyonce Formation video and its message?

2016/02/08
Detroit Homeless Man Now Accepting Credit Cards via Square
A 42-year-old Detroit homeless man, Abe Hagenston better known as Honest Abe, is in the business of being homeless. You read that right, he has taken panhandling to the next level by developing a website for people to use to hire him and other homeless people to do odd jobs. He even bought a square so that he can accept credit cards from his cell phone. He has a business license and merchant’s account and all card swipes go through square.com and they do his merchant processing so he has no access to your credit card info.
I was confused because I thought homelessness was the result of some horrible thing that happened to someone, like getting AIDS, losing your house in a fire or having your child get hit by a car and here in your arms one minute and gone the next. I thought that these things could happen to anyone. That was the tragedy. Any of us could fall victim to this type of travesty at any time through no fault of our own just really shitty circumstances. That’s why I give when I can but when I heard words like square, website and business license, it felt more like a choice than a situation beyond one’s own control. It felt intentional but I didn’t know the whole story.
Apparently, honest Abe has been in the business of being homeless for nearly a decade and just got tired of hearing people say that they wish they could help but they just didn’t have any cash on them. It’s true; we are becoming a cashless society. I seldom have cash and usually, I give food because I can charge it. He got tired of just waiting for something to happen to turn his life around so he created a way to help himself and others.
“Being homeless is my business. Now my business is being homeless,” he said.
At first when I heard this story, I was a little leery. I mean, how the hell can a homeless man afford a phone, a data plan, have a website and think to use a square to get donations? I would never have thought of all of that and I work online in the space. Apparently, Honest Abe has a better business sense than most.
When I heard the blurb on the radio this morning, I firmly believed this guy was a scam artist who was lazy and just trying to find an easy way to make a buck instead of working (because there are people who do that.) There was an entire expose a few years back about suburbanites who made panhandling their jobs to the tune of $65,000 a year because they didn’t want to work. They enjoyed the hustle. That’s when I started giving food.
But then I researched his site, watched his video and read his story and I may have been wrong. I think this guy is just smart and trying to make the best out of a bad situation. He actually doesn’t want a hand out, he wants a hand up and he wants to pass it on.
It seems that my life has been a series of rebuilding. Along the way I have learned that hard work, determination, ethical and moral decision making, along with a positive attitude is the right combination to pull yourself out of a hole. However, just once I wish there was someone with a rope to assist. I have never had the benefit of being assisted. I have always found myself in the wrong demographic, ineligible for assistance other than food stamps, having to struggle when I could have been making progress. I have never even heard of a homeless program (let alone seen one) that actually presented itself as a viable pick you up, dust you off and send you running, all the bells and whistles included full package program.
Being homeless gives a person a lot of time to reflect on what went wrong, and what a person could do differently if given the chance.
Hagenston’s cellphone was provided by the federal government’s Lifeline Assistance program and is known as the “Obamaphone.” His website is a free WIX website that he set up and accesses via the public library.
He doesn’t get food stamps and he refuses to lie about his mental state or do anything illegal to get housing. He wants to earn his way but, due to circumstances beyond his control, he is without a home and any identification and this prohibits him from securing employment.
There are 4 options left to me. I could steal, deal drugs, prostitute, or fly a sign. The first 3 are out of the question. I am not slick enough to steal, I am not mean enough to deal drugs, and I am not pretty enough to prostitute. So, you see me at 8 and Woodward. I mean what else am I supposed to do? Just lay down and starve to death?
I think he seems rather bright and business savvy. He may just be a genius. He is not only trying to get himself and other homeless people honest work and pay, he is trying to develop an app to identify the truly needy homeless from those who just pretend to be panhandlers which I would personally love to have because I love to help others but I’d like to know that they are actually in need of food and care not just panhandling because they don’t want to be stuck in a cubicle all day.
If this guy is for real, he is everything we need in this country. We have so many starving, homeless people on our own streets that we need to feed and if they can work for what they earn and provide for themselves, maybe we can help not only feed them but allow them to feel/be productive in society. That is a genuine win win situation for all of us. I find his entrepreneurial sense refreshing. He’s not giving up on himself, he’s reinventing himself within his circumstances.
What do you think of Honest Abe and the business of being homeless?
2016/02/01
Ground Control to Major Tom
As I sit here stunned, I can’t believe David Bowie is no longer on this earth. The news was sudden and jolted me to my core, not because I was his biggest fan but because, like air that I breathe, like my parents love, like my faith in religion he has always just been there; a piece of my puzzle.
He was an amazing, thought provoking, forward thinking, take-no-prisoners kind of artist whose presence will indeed be missing from this world. Oh, but what a legacy he left and really isn’t that all any of us wants? To leave a mark on this world, something to make the world remember we were here even if only for a brief moment, long after we’ve gone, like the sharpied commentaries on the human condition decorating bathroom stalls across the universe?
His art was trailblazing. He pushed the boundaries between the acceptable and the absurd. No matter what you thought of his genre of music, you had to respect the technique and the lyrics. You had to respect the man who would not let himself be shackled by conventional thinking. Every word he sang was layered and nuanced, nothing meant exactly what it said and was so much more than you’d expect.
David Bowie was the soundtrack to my formative years.
He made deep, dividing political statements palatable and made being weird beautiful and cool. He made love so deep that it tore at your soul and made death transcendent. Bowie made you not only think your own thoughts but question the status quo and, somehow, made it all not awkward.
David Bowie stepped outside of everyone’s comfort zone to stretch the comfort zone big enough for all of us. He made the world all inclusive with his art. It was a good thing in this world and now he’s gone. I will miss knowing he’s on this planet.
I will miss his music always playing at just the right time or just beneath the surface, saying just the right thing at just the right time. He made us all believe we could be heroes no matter how weird, little, strange or different we may have been. He made us feel like we meant something and we could do/be anything we wanted to and it was all going to be alright.
Bowie taught us to fall in love and be all in, to live with no regrets in big, bold, beautiful living color. That lesson was imprinted on my soul. I think we all need a little Bowie in our lives to keep us shooting for the stars even when we know that we probably won’t stick the landing. I think there’s a little Rebel Rebel in all of us.
The heavens shine a little brighter tonight as I lay here questioning my own mortality and place in the world, even in death, Bowie makes me contemplate the deeper meaning of life. There’s been a cosmic shift and it feels as if all the air’s been sucked out of the atmosphere because something that always was, in my life, no longer is.
I fell in love with David Bowie the first time I heard Space Oddity and fall in love over and over again each time I hear it.
This morning I lay in bed with my youngest sharing headphones, like I did so many times in my youth with a brother or sister or friend, and we listened to my favorite Bowie songs and I saw how he will live on forever in his music/art. When someone leaves an imprint this big on time and space, they are truly unforgettable.

Photo Courtesy of my brother, Obie Cruz.
2016/01/12
Why the Peace on Earth Holiday Photo Doesn’t Infuriate Me
When you think of peace on earth does your mind immediately go to women should be seen and not heard? Do you think the above photo can be construed as funny? I don’t. I find it offensive that a family would request this sort of photo that makes light of such a serious topic as sexism and condones domestic violence. How can a photo of your wife and daughters bound and gagged ( even with Christmas lights) with your toddler son giving a thumbs up be found anything but disgusting? But I’m not mad so much as I am saddened that anyone would think this is okay.
I can take a joke just as much as the next person. Hell, I’ve written some pretty off the cuff pieces, dare I say maybe even bordering on offensive, humor pieces about lady bits and I’m no stranger to controversy but as someone who has experienced abuse and spent my childhood being told that I should be seen and not heard, sometimes even threatened by physical injury and other times being on the receiving end of a good slap for speaking up, I don’t find this funny.at.all. In fact, I find that it makes a mockery of domestic violence and women’s rights in general.
I’m not sure why this picture was taken or whose idea it was. The mom’s? The dad’s? Either way, why did the other one go along with it? What kind of message is it sending to their daughters? What kind of message is it sending to their son? What kind of message is it sending to the people they know that they might send these cards to?
There is nothing funny about this photo. I know people push the envelope to get these awkward, funny to some, creepy to others holiday photos. I get that but this photo offends me on every level. This photo clearly sends the message that women should be forced into submission and seen but never heard. It objectifies women and dehumanizes us.
I’ve spent my life speaking up when I was told to shut up. It wasn’t easy and it was even dangerous. It took bravery to break that cycle. Do you know what it feels like to be afraid of your own voice? Do you know what it feels like to be punished for voicing your thoughts? It is a misogynistic way of breaking one’s spirit by humiliating them at their very core. The message is clear, to be seen and not heard means that you are invisible and your thoughts, your existence, do not matter. You do not matter and your very existence is only allowed by someone else’s permission.
Peace on Earth is not achieved by silencing women.
I can’t even be irate by this photo because I am too busy being so saddened that this is the message these parents want to instill in their children. This one photo, that speaks volumes, is telling their children that women should be silent or suffer the consequences and that men only get peace through violence against women. This photo is telling their children that women don’t matter.
I’m sure these parents thought this would be a funny gag but maybe, as parents, they should consider the ramifications and lasting impressions they are making on their children. This one small moment has ripples and if they took this picture, as anyone who has ever told a joke knows, there is always some truth to the joke so if they thought it was funny, somewhere inside they believe that this is how peace on earth is achieved.
Women bound with Christmas lights with duct tape over their mouths, with a young boy giving a thumbs up and a grown man holding a sign that says “Peace on Earth” is not my idea of funny. It’s sexist and wrong. Simply put this photo condones the subjugation of women, in fact, it celebrates it. I want a better world for my daughters and I hope the family in this photo, want more for theirs.
Dear Peace on Earth Family,
I hope this was a failed attempt at being funny and there is nothing more nefarious or, indeed, true about the logic behind this photo. As a mother, a woman and someone who has been told that she was to be seen and not heard at threat of violence for her entire childhood, I implore you to please consider the message you are sending your children, all of them.
Readers, what do you think of this photo of “peace on earth”?
2015/12/16
Is Donald Trump the Next Hitler or a Hoax?
On a daily basis, Donald Trump says something that either shocks or appalls me. The man says the most outlandish, hateful and bigoted things; things that seem almost as if he is testing the American people just to see how stupid they really are; how far they will allow him to go, like a toddler testing their boundaries. I don’t know about you, but Donald Trump and his proposed immigration reform scares me.
I cringe every time he insults another race because each time he does, more and more American racists stand up and cheer. There is strength in numbers and with a presidential candidate crazy enough to vocalize the hatred in the hearts of many prejudice people, he gains more support and more influence and that scares me as a Latina woman and as a human being. In the midst of all of this, the brazen racist are revealing themselves; crawling out of the dark corners and alleys and rallying their aryan battle cry.
This goes way beyond Republican and Democrat party lines. Donald Trump is calling for banning entire groups of people from entering the country solely based on the color of their skin and their religious affiliation. He wants to build walls and mark people to identify them. You’ve heard the saying, those who don’t know their history are destined to repeat it? Well, hello, Mr. Trump sounds a little too much like Adolf Hitler to me. In the beginning his over the top antics were certainly controversial but almost comical because, surely, they were not genuine but now, I believe he’s blatant because he just doesn’t care who he offends.
I don’t know about you but I can’t stand by and watch this man round up all those he feels are unworthy to come into our country and persecute them. People who were escaping religious persecution founded this country. People who left everything they knew and loved behind in pursuit of freedom, happiness and a better life for themselves and their families. It’s the entire mission that our country was based on and now; Trump has made it his personal mission to shut people out; to discriminate and persecute the very people that need our refuge. The scariest part of all of it is that with each bit of hatred he spews, more Americans stand up and support these ludicrous, radically racist ideas.
I keep thinking that this has to be a joke. No one can hate these many people. Hatred even in the name of patriotism is still hatred.
Donald Trump must be trying to see how far he can go before someone stops him.
Surely, he cannot be this bigoted. He is a businessman who has made money working with people from all over the world. Am I to believe he has secretly despised them all? Surely, this must be a hoax. Maybe this is a ploy to capture the Republican nomination only to alienate himself so badly that the American people have no other option but to vote for a democrat. Maybe he is a political genius who is a secret democrat.I hope none of this vitriol is real.
If we believe every outlandish thing he’s said, we’d have to believe that he wants to ban Muslims from entry into the United States solely on the basis that because of their religion they should be considered dangerous. Well, I think the Westboro Baptist people are pretty dangerous but I don’t see him trying to kick them out of the country.
He wants to ship the Mexicans out because he wants the American people to believe that we are all criminals, rapists, murderers and drug cartel members. According to his proposed immigration reform, I would be sent to Mexico even though I was born here and have never lived there. He also doesn’t particularly like Asian people or women either. Each thing he says is crazier than the last and still his support grows. What’s next? Will he try to deport all of the African Americans back to Africa? Or maybe he will try to reinstate slavery or make it legal to continue to shoot unarmed black men?
Make no mistake, Donald Trump is dangerous. I don’t want to hurl insults and go off on a tangent about how ignorant I think what he’s saying is but I want to be clear that I am disgusted by his racism, his political tactics and his blatant disregard for basic human rights and I am scared for our country that there are some people who think this is okay. There are people who silently walk past me on the street and inside their head, they agree with him. This makes me feel vulnerable and unsafe in a way that no terrorist ever has. Trump running for president is entertaining to some until he actually gets elected and is corrupted completely by his power.
What are your thoughts on Donald Trump for President?
2015/12/10
Every Morning I drop My Girls off at School I’m Terrified its Our Last Goodbye
My mind has been swirling with all the mass shootings and talk of gun control or should I say, lack thereof? Between Trump, shootings and racists using a burned out van to vilify all the Mexicans, I felt I was due for a Throat Punch Thursday post.
I’ve been spending a lot of time lately feeling nostalgic for my “good old days of blogging.” You remember, the days when I used to stay up to all hours of the night documenting my trials and tribulations of early motherhood after the babies went to sleep? I miss the whole exhausted, cut your wrists, open up a vein and bleed all over your keyboard days.
I miss the days before monetization, SEO and giving a damn who was reading and who I might be offending. I really miss my regular Throat Punch Thursdays so here I am, opening up my veins.
I know sometimes I’m controversial. I know that I’m political and opinionated but I think you come here to read the real truth through my mom goggles not rose-colored bullshit that’s strictly politically correct. Nothing I say should come as a surprise. I’ve never changed my opinion on gun control, ever.
Anyone who has ever met me knows that I am a lot of things but politically correct is not one of them. I have a giant heart with all the feels and not a lick of filter on my words. I’m passionate and I need to write things out to navigate the mucky waters of my mind.
Which brings me to todays rant, first Throat Punch Thursday in awhile, gun control. If you have ever read me before, you know that I believe that there should be stricter gun control. My belief is that people with guns kill people. Guns are not necessary. They were once, when we needed people to readily mobilize into a militia but we are way passed those days.
We live in a world where we’ve had more mass shootings this year than we have days in the year. We are no longer shocked when we hear that there has been another mass shooting, we expect it. We simply hold our breaths until we find out that our loved ones are not within range and then we exhale and pray to make it through another day. It sickens me that this is what it has come to.
Every single morning that I drop my daughters off at school, I kiss them and tell them that I love them. I watch them as they walk into the building. I watch them until they are through all three sets of glass doors and then, as I pull away, I pray that no one shoots them while they are trying to get an education, trying to grow up. I hold my breath every day until they walk back through the door. Every siren makes my heart jump into my mouth. This is what the world has come to.
My daughters have “drills” they do on the regular to learn appropriate protocol for what to do in case a gun wielding “madman” gains access into the building. I pray a lot. The Democrats say we need stricter gone control and the Republicans say we need better mental health. I agree with both.
Honestly, I wish we lived in a world where there were no guns. I hate violence and I think most people who have guns don’t need them. We live in a country where a person dies every 16 minutes from a gun. The scariest part is that people are being shot in places where they should be safe, where people are most vulnerable. No one is expecting to go to church, the movies or school and get shot or die.
Current gun control is not acceptable.
The staggering reality is this, anyone can buy a shotgun and almost anyone can get a handgun by applying for a license and waiting a few days. There are no required classes, training or enforced restrictions on keeping and owning a gun. Simply apply, wait, take your gun home and hope you don’t shoot yourself of your kids don’t find it.
This is what REALLY scares me. I had an actual conversation with someone I know, who appears by all accounts intelligent and worldly. We were having a deep conversation about mental health and a suspected diagnosis. My suggestion was get help; make an appointment, see a psychiatrist to get an accurate diagnosis and a psychologist to talk it all out.
On mental health, I am a firm believer in get help. Screw “what people think”. I’ve been on both sides of it and it’s always better to seek treatment than to try to deal with it on your own. The response I got shocked me, “I’m afraid to see a psychiatrist because if I have an official diagnosis in my record, it may restrict me from being able to purchase a gun in the future. “ It was everything I could do to not let my jaw hit the ground. This is a person who already owns guns and is not a hunter. These guns are for protection but with an undiagnosed, untreated diagnosis his biggest danger to him is himself.
So basically, our gun laws are just making those who might be mentally ill avoid getting treatment because it might interfere with their right to bear arms. Is this really what we want? Mentally ill people ignoring their mental illness so they can have guns in a full on state of crazy? Wouldn’t it just be safer for all of us if there were no guns?
What kind of world do we live in where the mentally ill are so afraid of the stigma of illness that they’d rather be suicidal and a danger to themselves and others than go to a doctor and have to disclose that they got help for a diagnosis? Wouldn’t we rather people be treated and healthy than undiagnosed and on the loose buying guns at will? How did our values get so screwed up? When did we start vilifying sick people? Why do we need so many fucking guns anyway?
I feel like I’m ranting but it’s because I’m mad that this keeps happening. Isn’t this the exact definition of insanity? What is it going to take for people to realize that its time to change our policies? I don’t want to be afraid to send my girls to school. I’m tired of being afraid that every trip to a public place could be our last.
We need more than just thoughts and prayers, we need deeds and actions if we want to make this world a safer, better place for our children to live in. I’m sick and tired of living in a world where every time I see my girls walk away, it could be the last time.
What are your thoughts on gun control, San Bernadino and all of this?
2015/12/03
In the Face of the Unfathomable Pray for Humanity
If you are the praying sort, please pray for humanity. I’ve not written about the situation in Paris until tonight because mostly, I was just trying to sit with it and digest it. I am having ripples of those same vulnerable feelings that overcame so many of us on 9/11. I am not an expert on what has happened, or what is going on in Syria, Beirut or any other place in the world where terrorists are wreaking havoc on our combined societal psyche but I am a citizen of the world.
Here is what I do know. I have seen what ISIS has done. I have witnessed the videos of random beheadings. I know that a terrorist and a Muslim are not the same thing. A Muslim is a member of a faith and a terrorist is someone who strikes fear into the hearts of others with no remorse. A terrorist sneaks in like a lamb and then attacks without provocation. Above all else, I know that we are all humans.
I know that terrorism is an act of cowardice and no matter who is in the line of fire, it is always a loss and we are all victims of the tyranny. The only way to overcome the brutality of terrorism is for those of us who have felt it’s wrath to rise up, band together and fight back. We have to be willing to make the sacrifice to stand up for what we believe in and be brave in the face of our greatest fears. We must believe in our purpose as much as they believe in their hatred.
People all over the world are splitting hairs in the wake of this tragedy. Trying to make sense of such a senseless act leaves heavy hearts making rash decisions and placing unwarranted blame on innocent victims. This is what is happening. Fear mongering is creeping in, perpetuated by politicians and those who already had hearts full of hatred. Bigots are using this as an excuse to proclaim themselves righteous.
The thing is this, we are losing sight of what is really happening. We are being manipulated. The terrorists are winning. If we live in fear and ban refugees from seeking shelter in our country, the terrorists win.
Trump and other members of the GOP are taking this opportunity to push their agenda. Even with fear and sorrow in my heart, in light of the recent terrorists attacks, I refuse to believe that we must shut people out to keep ourselves safe. More stringent vetting before we allow anyone to cross borders anywhere, I get but shutting entire populations out because of where they come from is insane.
Maybe my perspective is a little different because being a Latina I’ve already been on the politicians’ list of people who should be kept out. If we believe the politicians, all Latinos are rapist and drug dealers, all Syrians are members of ISIS and all Muslims are terrorists. The problem with absolute statements is that there are no absolutes in life. People are not an all or nothing sort of situation.
I get it, we’re scared. We are all scared of ISIS and terrorism in general and we should be. They are dangerous, they kill without discrimination and they hate us but I think it is appalling that politicians like Trump would use this terrible tragedy to push a political agenda.
How can we turn our backs on the people who need our help the most? How can we turn refugees seeking political asylum, which could mean the difference between their life or death, away and send them back to imminent death?
I’ve written before about the Latinos coming to the United States to escape persecution in their own country; to give their children a better life. They risk everything to come to the United States to keep their children safe and give them a chance in life, leaving behind everything and everyone they’ve ever known or loved. The Syrians who are seeking refuge are doing the same. They want to live. They have warrior hearts and they need shelter from the terrorism in their own country.
You know, not every Mexican is in the cartel and not every Syrian is a part of ISIS most of these people who are so desperate to cross our borders into the United States just want the chance to survive. How can we deny them that?
Hearts are broken, faith shaken and fear has taken hold of us all but we cannot let that happen because if we do, we condemn those who need us most and we let the terrorist win. We cannot live our lives hiding from the what ifs because in the end, danger can always find a way. We win by retaining our humanity in the face of this crisis. We win by reaching out to those who need us the most and giving them a helping hand, not kicking them in the teeth and sending them home. Remember, over half of these refugees are children.
Pray for Paris. Pray for Beirut. Pray for the Syrians. Pray for humanity. Pray for the whole world. Be safe. Do whatever you need to do to gain your bearings and then open your heart and remember who the true enemy is…ISIS not the Muslim people in general.
I know you’re afraid. We are all afraid but please don’t let this change your humanity.
2015/11/17
Is the Starbucks Red Cup Debacle Just a Marketing Ploy?
I don’t drink Starbucks coffee that often because honestly, it usually tastes a little burnt and I prefer my Nespresso but the other day, on the way to physical therapy we stopped in for a chai latte and I noticed the cup was red which to me signaled my brain that it was the start of the holiday season.
A couple days later I saw a video that was being circulated around the Internet, Joshua Feuerstein, an Arizona-based evangelist who describes himself as a “social media personality,” was up in arms because the cup was too minimalist for his liking.He posted on his Facebook page that this year’s spartan red cup illustrated Starbucks’ dismissal of Christmas as a Christian holiday in favor of political correctness. He went on to crack jokes and decided to fight against the “war on Christmas” by giving his name as “Merry Christmas” when ordering. To really stick it to “the man” he wore his Jesus shirt and carried his concealed weapon into Starbucks. (I found that part the most offensive and scary myself).
In the video, Feuerstein says that Starbucks “wanted to take Christ and Christmas off of their brand new cups. That’s why they’re just plain red.” Feuerstein said that instead of boycotting the coffee chain, he wanted to start a “movement,” so he went into a Starbucks–with his gun, as Arizona has an open-carry law and Starbucks has not outright banned firearms–ordered a hot drink, and told the barista that his name was “Merry Christmas,” which was subsequently scribbled on his red cup.
“So guess what, Starbucks? I tricked you into putting Merry Christmas on your cup,” Feuerstein said in his video. He urged his Facebook followers to do the same. The video has been watched about 12 million times and nearly 500,000 people have shared it.
Anyways, the video and verbiage in it made me feel like maybe the entire thing was a marketing stunt on Starbucks’ behalf, honestly. Anyways, I carried on and then I began to see all sorts of social media posts about some people being outraged that “Christmas” had been removed from Starbucks and then the rest of the people were outraged that the Christians were outraged. It quickly escalated to religious persecution by way of making a mountain out of a molehill.
Me, I am a Christian of what some might say is the worst kind, a Catholic, and this is what I think. If you don’t like Starbucks’ cups or you feel that they are stepping on your right to religious freedom, don’t buy their coffee. Don’t give them your money if you are so offended. But what I don’t say is to get over it because if it bothers you and is important to you, then draw your line in the sand. Mine however is not over coffee cups. That, my friends, is not the deciding factor to my ever-lasting salvation. I get my religion at mass and at home, I don’t need it on my coffee cup for validation.
On the other hand, if you feel that you can tell the Christians to get over their butt hurt over the cups, I hope you are not one of those ridiculous people who enjoy the benefit of all the Christmas holiday rituals (and time off) but don’t actually believe in or celebrate the birth of Jesus (yes, I already know that is not his actual birthday. I have the History channel.) P.S. A holiday tree is not a real thing people. It’s a Christmas tree. You can’t have your anti-Christian beliefs and celebrate Christmas too. Well, you can but then that makes you kind of an asshole.It’s like pretending to be homeless for the free food.
Like it or not, Christmas is a religious observance holiday and if you don’t believe in the religion then you shouldn’t be celebrating the holiday. If you want to celebrate the winter solstice or whatever, fine but it’s not Christmas so lets not pretend that we are celebrating the same thing. Celebrating “Christmas” and not being a Christian is the same as having a quincinera and not being a 15-year-old Latina girl or having a Bat Mitzvah and not being Jewish. These are religious celebrations. Christmas (not Winter Solstice) is a religious celebration.
So while you’re making fun of the Christians being up in arms over their coffee cups, I’ll be over here at drop off sipping my Chai Latte minding my own business. And if anyone wants to wish me a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah or Happy Kwanza I will happily accept it because even though I may not celebrate all of those holidays, I do accept well wishes and good tidings from all. I will smile and I will thank you because I don’t think you are trying to convert me. In my mind, you are saying, “Debi, live long and prosper!”
Are red cups worth getting upset over to me? No. It’s a cup, people. But if it really offends you, you have every right to not buy your coffee from Starbucks and I can respect that because I am an adult and as long as you’re not making the decisions for me, it’s not my business.
When did we start living in a world where people feel like they have to run every single thought, word and coffee cup design through a filter before they say it out loud? Stop that. I’d rather I know you, the real you, no matter who you are than only know some diluted, politically correct version of you. By over thinking every single word that comes out of our mouth, we are diminishing any hope of establishing true human connections.
Be happy, people. Just be yourself and let others be.
Do you find the Starbucks Red Cups offensive and why?
2015/11/09
Dear Nicole Arbour On Behalf of Fat People Everywhere
I watched the video of youtuber, Nicole Arbour, going off on a tangent in her video, Dear Fat People. Since being posted, the video has amassed more than 17 million views on Facebook and more than half a million views on YouTube. Could it be considered offensive? Sure, but anything can be. She has her right to voice her opinion and she wasn’t making up statistics. She was making a commentary on the state of obesity.
Soon after being uploaded, Arbour’s YouTube channel, as well as the video she’d created, was suspended. She was censored, which I find ironic since Donald Trump and Ann Coulter are still allowed to speak in public.
I was not offended. I am a fat person. I got that way all on my own. I can’t blame her for pointing it out. Besides, I agree with her, 99% of the time being fat is not a disability but something we have done to ourselves.
Is it fun? Hell, no. Are there extenuating circumstances? Hell, yeah. Hello, years of eating disorders can actually cause your metabolism to say, “Fuck you, Big mama. You tried to cheat the system. Chew on that!” And then bam! It stops working. Can you still lose weight? YES! Is it super, duper ridiculously hard. YES!
Are there people with pituitary tumors? Yes. People with thyroid problems? Yes! People who gain weight on medications or from autoimmune disorders? Yes! Are there people who get fat by absolutely no doing of their own? YES!!! I am not one of those people. I am fat because, while yes my metabolism is on protest after years of unhealthy eating disorders, I also eat a lot of bad foods and don’t move nearly enough.
That woman, Nicole Arbour, who everyone is pissed off at for “fat shaming” is merely telling the truth. And yes, fat shaming is awful and mean. Was she a bit harsh? Yes. Maybe harsh is what we need sometimes to shock us enough to wake us up from our food coma, our denial and our assisted suicide.
I hate to say it but she had some good points. Some points most of America, especially the food industry, needs to hear. Look, I don’t ride carts in the grocery store or let my fat spill over onto others when I ride in a plane (or at least I hope not, if I do…sorry.) I do sweat like a whore in church when I try to run through the airport. It’s not pretty but I never cut the line, even when my knees do hurt at the airport.
Being fat is not a disability, it is a state of being. Usually, one we can change with diet and exercise. It’s not easy. If it were, we’d all be looking like models and feeling great, living to 107-years-old. But, honestly, put down the Mountain Dew, the once a day Starbucks, the Mega sized French fries and the $5 pizzas. Make better choices and park a little further, walk a little more. Love your body and love yourself and make sure that you are around for the people who love you most, especially the little ones.
As for Nicole Arbour, I feel like taking her video down is censorship. Put it back up. If people don’t like it, they don’t have to watch it. Just because we don’t like what we hear doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t have the right to say it. I might not agree with everything Nicole Arbour said and it’s certainly not politically correct but it is true in some circumstances. Honestly, I’d prefer that if we’re going to censor something, let’s please take away public speaking privileges to bigots like Trump and Coulter.
Sticks and Stones people. Arbour has no power over you, unless you give it to her. If you don’t approve, just ignore her.

What did you think of Nicole Arbour and her Dear Fat People video?

2015/09/08