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The TRUTH About Motherhood

Category: Mental Health

  • Be a Better Me ( YOU) Challenge-Day 3~ You are what you think you are

    Yesterday’s Be a Better Me Challenge – Day 2-Admit your goals
    went pretty good considering that I outed my dream to all of you here. In the past 6 months or so, I’ve told my entire family, my husband, his family, pretty much anyone who will listen. I’m sure they all think I’m crazy. It’s like saying you want to be a famous actress but live in the Midwest. It seems about as likely as winning the lottery and it really feels childish to say out loud… at first. But I believe where there is a will there is a way, it just depends on how hard and long I am willing to work on it. And I, my friends, am not giving up! I’m worth it! I wouldn’t let my girls give up on their dreams without a fight and so I will not give up on mine! Decide what your goal/dream is and do it!

    Today’s Be a Better Me Challenge~ You are what You think you are
    Basically, be who you want to be. Be the change you want to be in the world. If you want to be a runner..run. If you want to be the hot mom…be hot! If you want  to learn to cook gourmet meals…go take a class.  What ever you want to do or be, how you want the world to perceive you…You are the only one who can make that happen. We put ourselves into these boxes. It’s not our husbands ( not in most cases anyways), its not our children, our friends or society. Sure we may be where/who we are today because in some small way it reflects their effect on our lives but ultimately it is us who choose who we are. Last year, I was feeling frumpy, lumpy, overtired, overworked…basically like I had lost complete control of who I had become; complete control of my life. My husband had lost his job and we had to relocate.It would have been hard on anyone. Life was difficult but I was letting it beat me. I hated that feeling. It was shameful. It was frustrating, then I realized..hold on lady, YOU let this happen.YOU have got to change it! So, I put on my big girl panties( and my yoga pants to actually workout) and I jumped into my life. I started taking control of what I ate, when I exercised, what I wore, what I did, how I looked, how I reacted to life, how  I interacted with people and it changed me. I began to be who I wanted to be. It made me realize I didn’t have to be all those things I didn’t like about myself. But as long as I thought I was all those things and did nothing but feel bad about it…I stayed stagnant. I dug deeper into being who I didn’t want to be. Then I made sacrifices and my whole mentality changed. My life changed.

    Of course, my husband lost his job again ( but has since found work but with loads of traveling) and things have been spiraling out of control again this summer. Here I am telling you,once again, I am putting on my big girl panties and I am changing who I think I am because I want to get out of my rut. Nothing defines who I am except me. I am beautiful, intelligent, witty, a great mother and wife, a great friend, healthy, successful, strong willed, fantastically talented writer..that’s who I say I am. Who are you? Remember ..You are who you think you are so set your expectations high. Be the change you want to see in the world! Know NO boundaries!Link up and share what you think YOU are!

  • Be a Better Me Challenge – Day 2-Admit your goals

    Yesterday’s Be a Better ME ( YOU) Challenge -Day 1~Out with the old 
    was a success. I did not rock the ponytail, nor did I wear my Yoga pants. I traded them in for a pair of shorts, a blouse, flip flops and my hair down. Maybe not quite the standard yet but definitely a step in the right direction away from my yoga pants. This morning I actually blew my hair out ( last night after my shower), threw on some jeans and a cute top, even put on some mascara and lip gloss. Those who know me in real life know that was a big step for me…on a Thursday morning. Of course, I walked out the door looking cute but then it rained on me! Story of my life. No problem, I did walk out the door feeling much better about myself and everyone knows a drowned rat that was fixed up looks cuter than one that started out as a hot mess. How did yesterday’s challenge go for you? Let me know!

    Today’s Be a Better Me Challenge is Admit your goals. What I mean is before we were who we are now ( probably Mommies), we had dreams, goals, passions, aspirations..dare I say it , potential. I know I did and I know I was not the only one. Part of the dream for me was to be a Mommy and I am so glad that I got to do that.It has changed me forever but at my core there is still something that I need to do for me. It is as necessary to me as the air I breathe.I need to write. I need to tell a story through the written word. It’s more than putting words to paper for me; its creating art with my words. It’s something all mine. It’s my way of connecting with the universe, a community and leaving a legacy.

    Why are we so willing to accept that to have a dream and be a Mommy can not co exist? The two are not exclusive to one another. Why are we so willing to condemn the Mom who goes after her dreams?  Maybe we are jealous, just a little bit that she is out there chasing her dream and we are buried under a pile of diapers, laundry, and dishes.Obviously, our children are our priorities. They are part of us in every manner of speaking. They are one of our greatest contributions to the world but do they have to be the only contribution? Why should we feel guilty and sub par for having dreams of our own? If our dream is to be successful at a career, why is that wrong?I’m here to tell you that it is not. Maybe you’re a dancer? A writer? A singer? An artist? A dressmaker? Whatever your talent is, its yours and it was given to you for a reason. Don’t squander your gifts. Believe me, by relinquishing who you are completely and losing sight of your own dreams and goals, you are for one setting a bad example for your children and secondly, you are making yourself unnecessarily miserable. There is nothing worse than a life squandered wondering what if. Maybe your babies are small or maybe you need to be at home with your children for you, for them, for whatever reason but don’t lose sight of your dreams. Write them down, yell them from the rooftop, share them with your friends, your husband, your children but keep them alive. Make some small effort to achieve them…to be happy. Maybe we can’t work at our dreams/goals 100% because we are raising our miracles but remember; you are a woman, not just a  Mommy, and you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. Today’s challenge; Admit your goals to yourself; to those around you! Only by acknowledging them will you ever make strides to achieve them.

    Now link up and tell me what your goals are!Let’s spread the word. We all deserve to pursue our dreams and exhaust our potential! I’m chasing my dream and bringing you along for the ride!

  • Bringing the feisty broad back

    Bringing the feisty broad back

    I am a Mommy, first and foremost. It’s a fact of my life. I love it. I chose it. This is not something that I got trapped into, this was something that I intentionally chose, in fact, it was one of my loftiest aspirations. I used to be a daughter and sister, then a wife, then a Mommy. Somewhere in there, for a brief fleeting moment, I got to be “Debi”. I remember that girl, I liked her. She was a lot like me but had absolutely no real ramifications for her behavior. It was awesome.

    It was pre-filter on the mouth and brain for child security reasons, yet, post the imposed filter of my personal freedoms by my Father:)It was wonderful; it was euphoric. I was selfish, carefree, and completely oblivious to the wants and needs of others. I always did exactly what “I” wanted to do, with no care or concern for anyone else. I know it sounds terribly vain and narcissistic, and perhaps it was, but it was fabulous..for that time in my life…all 15 minutes of it. These days, I am “Mommy”, “Honey”, “Mama” ,”You”, “Mother”, and “Mrs. Cruz” but hardly anyone ever calls me “Debi” anymore.I feel as if I have disappeared figuratively and literally. But for someone who is invisible, I certainly do stay busy. How can this be?

    It is absolutely mind-boggling to me but I am fairly certain that I am not alone in this situation. Can I get an amen from my Mommies out there:) So, I go through life, these days, busier than ever before yet feeling like I really never accomplish anything in my days. Every night, I am thoroughly exhausted ( believe me..just ask my husband)but usually can’t sleep.Every morning, I am still tired because I was up the previous night until 2 am thinking of all the “Stuff” I have to do the next day. No fair, right?

    Last year, I made a conscious decision that 2009 was going to be the year of “Debi”. I had my mind made up, I was planning to plan to revive that feisty broad.It’s pretty bad when you are telling your husband something about yourself before he met you and he is looking at you like you are full of shit because the “you” he knows, would never do something like that.I was determined, I was making a comeback in my own life. That was my plan! Then, real-life and minutia got in my way.

    So, around September ( my birthday to be exact) I put my foot down and started getting to it…for like the 100th time since I had realized that I wanted to change some things. This time it was different though. This time, I made real efforts. I joined Weight Watchers ( yes, to my initial utter embarrassment. I had so convinced myself that I was not “that” fat but I was, in fact, “that” fat and let me tell you..admitting it was the first real step towards fixing it !) , I started walking and working out and making a genuine effort..and didn’t quit or make up excuses after I got bored with it. This time I approached it like an adult. I also joined some Mom’s groups that stress being a woman and not just a “Mommy”, I made new friends ( I had to we had just moved halfway across the country from absolutely everyone we knew), I got a babysitter ( a first for my children aside from the very occasional grandparent) and I forced myself to go out without my children. At my husband’s insistence, I even made it out to a few MNO!

    Life was turning around. People were calling me “Deborah”, granted it wasn’t Debi but hey, a more adult version of myself is a good thing, right? Then the holidays hit. We traveled and it was one thing after another. So, here we are at the beginning of 2010. I am still forging on to revive myself. I am the priority in my life now, well…I am one of the top 3, for sure. I am a work in progress, but that is ok. As long as I am on my own to-do list, there is hope for “Debi” My point being, with a little real concerted effort, I am 25 lbs. smaller than I was in September, and I have made some wonderful new friends, and I am feeling more like the starring role in my own Cinderella story versus the cat that belonged to the ugly stepsisters.

    I feel like by getting back to “Debi” and introducing that intelligent, beautiful, healthy, cultured, well-read, strong woman to my girls I am not only regaining my independence, my very existence… I am showing them, by living example, that they are important and vital to their own life story. That no matter who they are, what they think, what they look like, and what they choose to be or do in their lives, they must be present and they must be content with the versions of themselves who are present because they are imperative to their own happiness and nothing is more important than feeling like you matter and being fulfilled with who you are in your own life.

    Who I am is a direct reflection of who my daughters will someday become. I want them to know they can have the world and that they deserve it all and so does Mommy.The paddles are out, Clear…..