Author

Deborah Cruz

Cold Season & Damaged Lady Bits

by Deborah Cruz 2013/12/16

Why is it that women of a certain age who have children can no longer cough or sneeze without crossing their legs to stop themselves from pissing. Don’t even get me started on the coughing fits. I have another cold and I am terrified that I might piss myself in public. I am actually choosing my wardrobe based on which is least likely to reveal my coughing fit piss stain. I am becoming a Holiday hermit for fear of urinating myself in public.

I’ve tried party-liners and, let me just be frank with you, they only work if you have one of those teeny tiny sneezes or can slam your thighs shut in the spur of the moment like a bear trap. But if you have a full-on coughing fit or, God forbid, a child or dog sitting on your lap when the unfortunate incident takes place, foggedaboutit you better just get yourself a pair of Depends because in some situations its just better to be safe than sorry. Sorry you pissed your pants Grandma. Yeah, I feel 105 every time I cough. I love my daughters but did their heads have to be SO damn big?

As if it were not bad enough that they split me apart and there is no longer a urethra, vagina and asshole but just one gaping wound, now I can’t even keep liquids down..errr inside..you know what I mean! This should be included in the What to Expect when You’re Expecting manuals. This should be told to every little girl that watches the puberty video. We should all be forewarned that we will piss ourselves after giving birth.I don’t know about you but I don’t particularly relish the thought of running around all stuffed up from a head cold smelling of the faint scent of urine like the homeless women on Randolph because I can’t smell anything and no one has the heart to tell me. Just tell me.

I was so concerned about shitting on the delivery table while pushing my children out into the world, if only I had known about the entire pissing ever after, I may have begged for a Caesarian section. They say that a steady regime of Kegels will rectify the situation but I say, they are damn liars. I have kegeled so much that I walk around with my vagina closed tight like a fist and yet, one rogue tickle in my throat and cough and there I stand, with a leaking closed fist where my vagina used to be. It should come standard to do some sort of urethra/bladder reconstruction for all women after giving birth. At the very least, can we stick an extra stitch or two in there to bring it back to some semblance of normal? Hell, sew it shut. I just don’t want to have a steady drip during flu season. Yes, doctor, I would like the number 3; urethra reconstruction, labia beautification and a tummy tuck.

Anyone else dreading cold season and stocking up on panty liners? Don’t say know because I noticed a definite shortage of Tylenol cold and flu and pantyliners at the local Target, coincidence? I think not!

2013/12/16 2 comments

Parenting

Stolen Moments

by Deborah Cruz 2013/12/13

written by Deborah Cruz

I was awoken this morning by the sweet, soft baby-like voice of my 6-year-old as she leaned in close and whispered into my ear, “Mommy, can I sleep with you?” Half asleep and not quite sure whether I was dreaming or awake, I scooted over and made room in for her in my warm bed, we snuggled close because I know these moments are fleeting with every day that passes; soon she will stop coming to me for comfort in the middle of the night.

It’s not always like this. Sometimes, she presses her face close to mine, loudly announces her presence and startles me into consciousness and my first reaction is to take her immediately back to her own bed but not today. This is what all the parenting books teach us to do, right? But why? What’s more important; following some guideline or embracing all the moments of childhood? Life is short and I plan on stealing all the moments with my children that I can.

We’ve been completely enveloped in the Nutcracker for the past two weeks, in case you were wondering where I’ve been. It’s been an emotional and exhausting time for all of us. No time for distractions, I want to be present. I don’t want to miss a moment of any of it.

Gabs approached her first season with trepidation. I gently nudged her to continue on, as mothers do. Reassuring her that I will always be there, when she turns around to support and love her. Bella only needs my presence now as a touchstone of normalcy in all the chaos; to calm the opening night jitters and do her make-up. Gabi looks to Bella to calm her. My role in all of this is like a beloved and worn pair of ballet slippers. I am comfortable and familiar.

I’ve been backstage the entire time, just like every year, providing moral support, reassurance and love…when requested otherwise keeping my distance to let my girls grow and shine. It’s a delicate balancing act to let go and still keep hold of our children. But, once they take the stage, I exhale. I watch from stage left with pride and love as I choke back the tears as Tchaikovsky swells throughout the theater. This has become a sort of a love song to my daughters.

I can’t hear the Waltz of the Snowflakes without tearing up as I remember my Bella taking the stage for the first time at 5-years-old as my tiny ethereal snowflake. When I hear the battle scene, I remember my little soldier and tiny mouse that bravely took the stage and danced even when she began to feel fluish. My heart nearly bursts out of my chest when the orchestra begins to play the Enchanted Palace and the Kingdom of sweets because I can see my Bella, my angel, floating under the house lights as the smoke machine transforms the stage into a magical place.

The same thing happens now, when I hear the music for the dance of Arabian Coffee. You might hear beautiful music, I see my Gabs dressed as a parrot taking the stage for the first time ever, trying her damnest to remember the intricate dance. I see the nervous smile that only I know is nerves and not stage presence. I feel the relief and pride in her hug as she safely exits stage right and lands safely back into my familiar arms. I see the side-glances and smiles meant just for me off stage. I know the comfort they take that I am there and it makes me happy these stolen moments that we have together, that no one else knows about.

Parenthood is big and all consuming sometimes it feels like a job instead of an honor but it is, you know? The greatest privilege I’ve ever had is stealing moments with these two amazing creatures that I get to call my daughters and now, I must rouse everyone from their slumber because we’re not done yet. We have three more performances; three more chances to soak in these once in a lifetime moments that we so often take for granted.

It’s so easy to get lost in the holiday season and obsess over making it the perfect holiday that it becomes a chore. This has happened to us every year but this year, we made the conscious decision to make the moments together count. It’s not about what it looks like to other people; it’s not about things. It’s about what it feels like. It’s cuddling during down time watching Christmas movies, it’s about making fudge with daddy and cookies with grandma. It’s about letting the girls decorate one tree any way they want to without moving or straightening a single ornament. It’s about stealing kisses with my husband and moments with our daughters.

What’s your favorite stolen moment?

2013/12/13 3 comments

Blogging

…and Then Blogging became A Pissing Contest

by Deborah Cruz 2013/12/09

written by Deborah Cruz

They like me, they really, really like me! These are the words running through my head as I read the email that I had been selected as one of Babble’s top 100 bloggers of 2013 reader’s choice in the Latina category.

I’ve been blogging for almost 5 years and in that time, I’ve come to know and love a lot of bloggers. I know it’s cliché but you ladies have become my true tribe. You’ve seen me through some of the best and worst days of my life and some of you are like sisters to me, even though we’ve never met. I know it’s genuine because those of you who I have met in person, it was like seeing an old friend not meeting someone for the very first time. Many of you are on my speed dial. I love you broads. Blogging is about so much more than just tapping away at a keyboard; it is sharing our stories, our lives with other people. For me, it’s about opening up and being real.

Friday, Babble announced it’s top 100 bloggers of the year. It wasn’t just mom bloggers this year but spanned 10 different niches. I was chosen as the reader’s choice Latina blogger and I am honored. I’ve been sharing my life, my children, my successes and failures with you all in a very honest way over the years and that is scary. To be acknowledged for that, was surprising because I usually feel like I am writing for an audience of one…myself.

Honestly, I was shocked. I am not the most popular blogger on the Internet, I don’t have the outrageous top tier numbers nor do I write about what everyone wants to read. I am honest and sometimes abrasive. I know I piss people off. I am the Throat Punch Thursday girl, for God’s sake. I am a loose canon sometimes who writes without a filter and that is not exactly attractive to some people. I am rough around the edges, so to be chosen by Babble was flattering but to be the reader’s choice was humbling.

I have seen so many of my talented friends receive this award in the past years and I have always been happy for them; ecstatic! Because, lets face it, we bloggers are the book nerds, introverted, quirky and deep types. We’ve spent our entire lives afraid that people will figure out who we really are and yet we bravely write it out and share it on our sites. We make ourselves vulnerable by exposing ourselves through our writing. This is why I love my blogger friends so much. Our blogs are the one place in life where I feel like we are all seeing one another’s true selves. That means something to me.

Anyways, I was excited about this award because honestly, I am never nominated or win anything. Congratulations came pouring in from my blogger friends around the globe. Some of you made me cry with your too kind words. It felt great and then I began reading the flippant comments on Facebook about how meaningless the Top 100 was. How it was “stupid”, how no one cared about these bloggers, how no one wanted to scroll through these writer’s life stories, how it was bullshit and all the winners were not very good bloggers. It took the wind out of my sails a bit. It tarnished it.

I know the award means nothing really; there’s no new job, money, trophy or car involved. My life won’t change because Babble has given me this award. But for someone who’s stayed true in her writing, to who she is, being chosen by the readers as their choice was something. It is validation that my fellow bloggers appreciate my writing, respect me enough to choose me to represent them and that somebody else reads what I say besides my mom.

I am proud to announce that I am one of Babble’s Top 100 bloggers; Latina Reader’s choice and next year, when you win, I will be genuinely happy for you because you deserve it and I am happy when my friends succeed. I am sorry if you don’t like those who were chosen on this year’s list. But mostly, I feel sorry for those who were belittling the list ( and in effect the winners) because it would suck to be that jaded and cynical. Thank you all so much for the very sweet and kind words over the past few days. They mean more than you will ever know and thank you Babble for selecting me to be on this list. But most of all, thank all of you who read me because without you I’d still be writing to an audience of one.

2013/12/09 5 comments

elf on a shelf, elf, Christmas, holiday traditions

Humor Parenting

The Elf on the Shelf Problem

by Deborah Cruz 2013/12/06

written by Deborah Cruz

Our elf on the shelf elves have once again arrived. Well, three out of the five have arrived. Currently, we have Ed, Analee (because someone who shall remain nameless forgot to remove the nametag…. I’m talking to you Grandma) and Rick Astly ( that bastard’s never gonna give you up! Can you say Single white Elf Male?) We are still missing Herbie Hancock and Rick (i) James (bitch!)

So you’re probably thinking that maybe I have some sort of nasty little elf on the shelf fetish or way too much time on my hands, I assure you that it is neither of those. Well, maybe I do have a little extra time on my hands seeing as I was just downsized from one of my 12 jobs. Damn, what ever will I do with all of that free time the last week of every month? But I digress, we have so many elves because when the girls were small we were moving a lot and the elves got packed away in storage lost on their way back from the North Pole! So every year, we had to replace the lost elf. Look, my mommy brain is not what it once was and I forget shit…like where elves went into the witness protection place the year before or sometimes even the night before.

Our elf on the shelf problem started with Analee.

He came in a beautiful gift box with a letter from the man in the red suit because he knew the girls were having a horrible year leaving their friends and everything they knew and moving across the country. Analee came to give love and moral support.

The next year, Analee “lost” his way to our house because we had moved back to Indiana so “Santa” sent another elf, Ed (this is what happens when Daddy names the elves) to entertain the girls while their daddy was living in Iowa for work. They only saw the Big Guy once a week and we assured them that the elf could check in on daddy each night before he went back to the North Pole and reported to Santa. Then one day, Analee found us and just showed up on the Christmas tree like a damn serial killer stalking his prey and then the two became Santa’s henchmen because we don’t tell our girls about the boogie man.

The following year, we had moved in with our in-laws because 2 years apart was too much for all of us. Unfortunately, we had forgotten our two little buddies they couldn’t find us because we had moved yet again. Enter, Herbie Hancock (he likes to rock down to electric avenue) coolest elf ever. He even has a naughty and nice placard to let the girls know where they stand. But by this time, Bella was 6 and Gabi was suspicious of that damn placard, “Mommy, why does he look like a stuffed animal?” (Because we spare our children the damn traditional scary elf on the shelf) “Because Santa doesn’t want children to be afraid” Near miss. This kid is on to us. I just know it.

Then last year, we moved into our house and it was the mass exodus of elves. They descended upon our house like locusts. Analee, Ed, Herbie Hancock, and then Rick Astly ( what a mischievous little guy he is. You never know what you’re going to wake up to.) He looks like the traditional elf on the shelf, I’m trying to throw the 5-year-old off the scent. Then she demanded to know why no one arrived in the official Santa box and you guessed it, Rick(i) James showed up a couple days later in the box from the North Pole with an official letter addressed to the girls.

So the winter of my discontent 2012 was the year of the elves (that were very mischevious). The mischievousness rubbed off on the girls and so we had to tell them about Santa’s “special” cameras that are installed in the fire alarms throughout the house. Elves were popping up in toilets and refrigerators, backpacks and boxes of cereal or not moving at all or being chewed up by crazed puppies.Kids were dancing naked in front of the fire alarms mooning Santa and blaming shit on their sister. I was still stumbling across rogue elves covered in cob webs in April.

This year we have 5 elves, 3 have arrived, 2 will be here any day I am sure of it. Oh and Gabs is back on board, since finding out that a classmate of hers had a pocket elf who has gotten elderly and now in his wheelchair talks openly to the child. No longer hiding his secret. What an imagination and guess what she prayed for that night? Her very own pocket elf, but not “an old one in a wheelchair” a regular one. Now, we have another elf to remember to displace. As of yet, he is still nameless and harmless ( no baby Jesus stealing or conga lining with the 3 kings…yet) I’m think we name him Too Short or maybe Prince Napoleon.

So to all of you who say that elf on the shelf is stupid, I say to you…stick to your guns. Our elves have played a wonderful part in comforting my girls when they were small and our lives were upside down and we all missed the Big Guy but now, the elves are running amuck and I keep forgetting where they are at night and one keeps stealing baby Jesus and eating all the Fat Boys and Mentos in the house.

I know it’s nonsense and has absolutely nothing to do with why we celebrate Christmas but I also know that my girls love their elves and look forward to their magical appearance every year. It is magic and I am not taking that away from them.

What’s your most creative idea for elf on the shelf shenanigans?

2013/12/06 7 comments

Caroline Berg Eriksen, weight loss, mommy wars, sisterhood

Confessions Health

Women, Stop Hating on One Another

by Deborah Cruz 2013/12/03

written by Deborah Cruz

So it happened. You know that moment when something just clicks? Well, yesterday something just clicked. I decided to just do it. I am doing it. This morning was the first day.

I’ve been seeing this photo floating around FB of Caroline Berg Eriksen, the Norwegian soccer wife and fitness blogger, in her undies and bra looking like a svelte supermodel four days after giving birth. People are annoyed by her and asking why she would do something like this. People are pissed off. How dare she look that good 4 days after giving birth! It has to be a fake.

Well, not me. I say, Go GIRL! Hell, I don’t know how she did it. I am assuming that she was in pretty damn good shape before giving birth, being a fitness blogger and all and maybe she just has those good genes. We don’t know her story or her struggles. We just saw a picture and got pissed because life isn’t fair. I won’t lie, I’m a little jealous. She’s got my “after” body. You know the body I “hope” to have after getting in losing weight and getting into shape.

My sister-in-law had 4 kids and after every birth, she looked svelte. Of course, she was an athlete and I was not. Both times, I left the hospital at my pre-pregnancy weight, wearing my regular pants, with a muffin top and the best thing that ever happened to me bundled in my arms. As far as I am concerned, I was the luckiest girl in the world. I wish we didn’t all define ourselves by the size of our asses and that we didn’t always compare the size of our asses to everyone else’s asses, but we do.

All summer, I was very diligent about working out. I was walking/jogging 5 days a week and watching and logging every single morsel of food that went into my mouth. It was becoming a habit; a healthy way of living. For someone who has obsessed over her weight for most of her life and then tried to cheat her way to skinny, a shift in my way of thinking and habits was almost a miracle. I was embracing it. I felt proud of myself. Hell, I even felt a little sexy which is something I never feel. My clothes were fitting better and life just seemed brighter. If you’ve ever battled with body image, you know that this was not vanity; this was security.

I felt good about myself and that was something foreign to me but it felt good. Then I went to BlogHer and I fell off the wagon. I was eating whatever I wanted, drinking alcohol to be social and snacking on tiny cheeseburgers at all hours of the night. I just wanted to be normal; enjoy my time with my friends and not worry about food. Fucking food is the bane of my existence but I didn’t just fall off the wagon, I went charging off the wagon head first.

I had every intention of getting back on the wagon when I got back home but I never did. I tried but here I am 5 months later confessing that I gained all the weight back. I am disappointed with myself but instead of doing something about it, I just fed my shame with more carbs and it made matters worse. Since Halloween, all bets have been off. My eating habits have been like a runaway train chocked full of poor choices and absolutely NO.EXERCISE! Every day is a perpetual walk of shame. If you’ve ever been heavy or unsatisfied with the skin you live in, you know what I am talking about.

This is a mighty slippery slope for the girl in recovery from Eating Disorders. I’ve caught myself lately thinking; maybe I should just throw that up. Mostly, I don’t but in all honesty, a couple times I have; silently and quietly and then I find myself thinking, I can do this. But I don’t want to and I don’t let myself but right there in my brain, I know the cheater’s solution. I know how to gain control of this runaway train (or maybe just trade it in for a better looking model). I have little girls and my selfish days are long over, I can’t be that horrible example for them. I need to be better than that, in spite of myself. I need to be strong. I need to be healthy.

I’ve had some very inspirational women present in my life lately; my sister with hard work, exercise and a change in eating habits has changed her life. My friend Erin is bravely facing her challenges in life and getting stronger every day. It’s not easy but she is worth fighting for, finally she knows that. My friend Jenni is one of the strongest women I know and she never gives up. She dusts her self off, does what needs to be done and kicks another day’s ass. My friend Niki always keeps going, even when she is too tired and weary to take another step. She stays positive and never loses sight of what’s important. My friends Amy & Jennifer, they are busting their asses and you can see the changes in their bodies, minds and in their spirits. They are happy and determined. All of these women are changing their lives by making the decision to face the hard choices and to take control when the whole damn thing is out of control. They inspire me. I am happy for them. I support them for being their best even at life’s worst an for persevering even when life’s challenges seem insurmountable. I want to do the same.

I don’t need to knock anyone else down in order for me to stand tall. Who cares if Caroline Berg Eriksen looks unnaturally perfect after giving birth, we don’t know how she’s come to where she is in life and we don’t know her struggles and challenges. Truly, I’ve got plenty to worry about in my own house, like my own weight and making sure I am being a good example to my girls, I don’t have the time or energy to be hating on a new mom who looks fantastic. I’m happy for her because I wouldn’t wish unhappiness with your body on anyone.

I am doing it. Today, I made the decision to stop listening to the self defeating voices in my head and know in my heart that I can do this…the right way. Thank you for the inspiration ladies.

2013/12/03 2 comments

Disney Entertainment

Disney’s Frozen Sends Message that Sisterly Love Conquers All

by Deborah Cruz 2013/12/03

written by Deborah Cruz

We’ve been waiting for Disney’s latest picture Frozen and it’s finally here! This morning we took our girls to see Disney’s Frozen. I will be honest, I wasn’t expecting much from the movie. Don’t get me wrong, I am a big Disney fan but from the promos it looked very hokey. I think it was Olaf the snowman. Very cute but I just had no idea what the lesson of the movie was going to be.

I found out pretty quickly.

Frozen is the charming tale about two princesses who are sisters, Elsa (Idina Menzel), the eldest child of the King and Queen of Arendelle, has the power to freeze things and Anna (Kristen Bell), the younger sister who admires her big sister.

After a small mishap with her powers, Anna is made to forget about Elsa’s powers and Elsa and Anna are separated as children. Soon after, the Queen and King are in a fatal accident and die. The girls are left with no one but each other and Elsa keeps herself away from her little sister, for fear that she will accidentally injure her again.

Time passes and the girls grow up and apart but at the heart of it all, they are still sisters and their love is a bond that not even time can alter. The day comes for Elsa to be crowned queen and with trepidation she opens the castle gates to the public once again. After years of being separated from one another and their subjects, the two girls are once again face-to-face.

The love is palpable but still, for Anna’s safety, Elsa must distance herself.

An incident occurs and again, Elsa finds herself feeling vulnerable and incapable of controlling her powers around people. She runs off into the frozen abyss and as her emotions run high, her powers freeze Arendelle.

Fearless optimist Anna sets off on an epic journey, teaming up with rugged mountain man Kristoff (Jonathan Groff) and his loyal reindeer Sven, to find her sister Elsa, whose icy powers have trapped the kingdom of Arendelle in eternal winter. Encountering Everest-like conditions, mystical trolls and a hilarious snowman named Olaf (voice of Josh Gad), Anna and Kristoff battle the elements in a race to save the kingdom.

On the way, they unexpectedly find love and Anna sacrifices her own safety to break through the icy exterior that surrounds Elsa’s heart. Her act of unconditional love proves once and for all to Elsa that love can conquer all and with your sister to support and love you, there is no obstacle too big and no winter too cold to weather.

I loved this movie so much because it was not about a princess who is saved by a prince charming, but about the love and bond that sisters share. In the end, Elsa’s one true love was her little sister, Anna, because no matter the time that had passed or the incredible circumstances that they had to muddle through, her sister was always there for her.

Anna’s selfless kindness saved Elsa’s life and in turn, showed her that warmth emanated from within and in that moment, Elsa unfroze Arendelle and they all lived happily ever after.

This is one of my new favorite Disney movies, tied for first with The Princess Frog and Brave.

What’s your favorite Disney movie?

2013/12/03 0 comment

Entertainment

Join Us for a National Geographic Kids #WeirdWednesday Twitter Party

by Deborah Cruz 2013/11/25

written by Deborah Cruz

As many of you might know, I am a National Geographic Kids Insider! #NGKInsider I’m honored to be a part of the National Geographic Kids Beta Ambassador program. So far, it’s been amazing going behind the scenes at one of my favorite non-profits. I’ve got to interview LeVar Burton, get pointers from one of National Geographic’s amazing photographers, Kelley Miller, and many other exciting behind the scenes opportunities. My girls love the National Geographic books and magazines because they are interesting and the stunning photos have always caught their attention. So you can imagine their excitement when we received a holiday surprise package in the mail the other day from National Geographic; a box filled with gorgeous Nat Geo Kid books. First Big Book of the Ocean, Ultimate U.S. Road Trip Atlas, Ultimate Weird but true 2, Treasury of Egyptian Mythology, The World is Waiting for YOU, Space Encyclopedia, Ye Olde Weird but True and Ella’s Bath and Animal Creativity book. My girls went wild! The books are absolutely gorgeous and what a fantastic holiday gift for the little bibliophile or adventurer in your family! My first thought was I wish all kids could have these amazing books. Well, guess what? National Geographic Kids has partnered it me and we are going to do just that. On December 4^th, National Geographic is declaring Wednesday #WeirdWednesday and will be encouraging the world to take over social media with weird but true facts and photos. NGK will be crowning Austin, Texas weird but true town of the year. Voting begins for next year’s WBT town at www. Weirdbuttruetown.com. Maybe your town will be crowned in 2014! Are you in? In celebration, we will be hosting a #WeirdWednesday National Geographic Kids Twitter party. It will be at 9 pm EST/ 6 pm EST on Wednesday, December 4^th, #WeirdWednesday. We will be giving away loads of great National Geographic books focusing on the Weird But True series. I’d love to invite you to our #WeirdWednesday Twitter Party on Wednesday, December 4th at 6:00 PM PST/ 9:00 PM EST! We’ll be giving away several National Geographic Kids books during the Twitter Party!!!

WHAT: National GeoGraphic Kids #WeirdWednesday TWITTER PARTY

WHEN: WEDNESDAY, DecEMBER 4TH, 2013 FROM 6-7 PM PST/ 9-10 EST

HASHTAG TO USE WHEN TWEETING IT UP: #Weirdwednesday

WHO TO FOLLOW @TRUTHFULMOMMY (host) AND @NGKids (SPONSOR)

Awesome Panelists: @Aboutamom @sunandsipcups @mommyPowers @MOmmmyNiri

PRIZEs:

10 Weird But True Books (1-5 and Ye Olde Weird But True)

2 Weird But True Collector’s Box sets

1 Ultimate Weird But True

1 Ultimate Weird But True 2

1 Ultimate Weird But True Book Set

1: Grand Prize: The entire Weird But True set – all 5 Weird But True books, Ye Olde Weird But True and Ultimate Weird But True 1 & 2

RSVP: PLEASE RSVP BELOW.

JOIN IN THE National Geographic kids #WeirdWednesday PARTY For FUN CONVERSATION AND A CHANCE TO WIN These awesome prizes. Don’t forget to post #WeirdWednesday facts and photos on social media!

**Please RSVP with your twitter name and link to qualify for a chance to win a prize during the National Geographic Kids #WeirdWednesday Twitter Party.

**Even if you can’t attend the Twitter Party, you can still enter to win a year subscription to National Geographic Kids or National Geographic Little Kids using the rafflecopter entry below. a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclaimer: I am an #NGKids Insider but I’ve loved National Geographic long before I was an ambassador. I was given the books by National Geographic to review but all opinions are my own. [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

2013/11/25 2 comments

Confessions

Like a Mack Truck

by Deborah Cruz 2013/11/24

written by Deborah Cruz

It’s been one of those weeks. You know the ones where you are bone tired but at the same time there is something inside that won’t shut off. It’s like your flight or fight response has kicked in and you have no one to fight and nowhere to run because the cause follows you because it is within you.

The week started with a midnight ding on my laptop; a comment on a blog post about my battle with anorexia. God that seems like a lifetime ago in the miserable state of affairs my body stands in today. The comment was left by a 15-year-old girl in New Zealand who is struggling with eating disorders. She is crying for help but no one believes her. I know how this turns out if no one pays attention; the story ends with her dying. Gone. No more because even her own parents wouldn’t take her seriously. I reply. I give her some number and emails to a hotline. I am triggered. I want to swoop in and save her but I can’t. I am here. I can only offer assistance, listen, believe her and hope she takes the next step. Fight.

Then a couple days later, I hosted a twitter party. I was really excited about it because it meant that I could giveaway a prize that I thought would make some little girl’s Christmas morning. That meant something to me because I know there are mothers out there who can’t afford to give their children anything for Christmas and I could help a mom give her child the best Christmas ever. It took a lot of work. I’ve been planning and negotiating this since August. Then I even got to give away 2 houses and then after it was all said and done, I was called a liar and a cheat by two participants who didn’t win. I know I shouldn’t take it personally but I do. Fight.

Then I read a post by an asshole man called, Five Reasons to Date a Girl with an Eating Disorder. You know, the disease that kills women, the disease that might be killing a 15-year-old in New Zealand right now and the disease that could have killed me. He makes light of this disease that I suffered from for 8 years; the very same thing that I will be in recovery from for the rest of my life; the disorder that kills women. He obviously has no understanding of it or is the most callous and unkind human walking the face of the earth. Fight.

Then today, November 24^th, what would have been the first birthday of the baby I lost. I accidentally watched a 1^st birthday video of a friend’s daughter and that’s when it hit me like a MACK truck. I should be celebrating but instead my lap is empty and my heart is heavy today. The air is thick and it’s hard to breathe. I don’t know when this will stop happening. I don’t know if we ever really get over our hurts in life. I think maybe they grow to be a part of us and change us. Flight

I’m here, hammering out deadlines and avoiding my reality. My heart is pretty fragile this week and the slightest push of pressure in the wrong way may break me completely. But in this moment I thank God for what I have; a man who loves me with all my flaws, children who I can hold in my arms a little longer than I need to today, a best friend who reaches out from across the universe to make sure that my heart is still in tact and work. Work that keeps my mind occupied and tears at bay.

2013/11/24 7 comments

Ward Miles, Benjamin Scot, Lyndsey Miller

Parenting

A Mother’s Love Captured on Video

by Deborah Cruz 2013/11/22

written by Deborah Cruz

I am sharing this video of Ward Miles’ miraculous first year because this powerful video embodies a parents love for their child and you can feel the pain and all encompassing love of parenthood that words can’t bring justice. The love that only a parent knows because to love your child is like loving nothing else.

Ward Miles – First Year from BenjaminScot on Vimeo.

Ward Miles was born 15 weeks prematurely, scored the lowest he could on a test for bleeding in his brain and spent his first 107 days of life in a hospital with soaring heart rates. At 25 weeks into her first pregnancy, Lyndsey Miller started having cramps at work and went into labor. Her son was born four hours after she arrived at the hospital that day.

Her husband, Ben, a photographer and filmmaker,made this video of Miles first year as a gift for Lyndsey’s 32nd birthday, which coincided with a year to the day that little Ward came home from the hospital after 107 days.

It’s beautiful and I hope each of you that watch it is as touched by it as I was when I saw it.

2013/11/22 0 comment

Melissa Bachman, African lion, animal rights,

Social Good Throat Punch Thursday

Melissa Bachman Murders Endangered African Lion for Sport & Fun

by Deborah Cruz 2013/11/21

written by Deborah Cruz

Melissa Bachman is a huntress, slayer of defenseless animals and seems to enjoy it a little more than most. The Minnesota-based television personality and big-game hunter’s photo of herself posing with an African lion she’d killed in South Africa goes viral just as conservationists warn that the big cats could be gone from the wild in the next decade. 75 percent of the wild lion population has been killed just in the past 20 years and if we don’t stop, the only lions left will be the ones in cages at the zoos.

Lion hunting is not illegal in Africa, so Melissa Bachman, traveled her animal killing for sport happy ass to Africa to hunt and kill one of the world’s most endangered and majestic species, the lion, just because she could. Then there was the awesome photo op because obviously it takes a lot of sport to hunt and kill an unarmed animal. She was smiling so big you would think she won the lottery.

There are only 30,000 lions remaining in the wild, these majestic big cats are vanishing from the African landscape. Habitat loss and human-wildlife conflict are the main reason, but trophy hunting by assholes like Bachman is responsible for the slaughter of 600 lions each year. Nearly 60 percent of all those slain kings of the jungle are killed for sport and shipped to the United States of America to set in someone’s trophy room. This is able to happen because the U.S. Endangered Species Act does NOT protect the African lion.

Look, I won’t lie, I am against all sport killing and mistreatment of animals in general. Unless you are going to eat the animal and use every usable square inch of the animal for shelter, clothing, food and protection just leave it alone. Honestly, I don’t think you should do it at all unless you are being attacked.

You know what I think? I think if you are only hunting for sport and not for survival you should be required to fight with a knife not a rifle. Let’s make it a fair fight. Let’s see how sporty you are feeling after you come face to face with a living, breathing, pissed off threatened African Lion. If the Lion would have been at her dwelling and stalking her as prey, then yes, shoot him to save yourself or protect your family but don’t just go out and shoot a living being for no purpose other than you can.

I don’t hunt. I don’t believe in guns and I don’t believe in hunting for sport. If I had no option and my kids were starving, I would hunt for survival but never for sport. What kind of monster must you be to take pleasure in killing an animal who is minding his own business, simply existing in his own habitat? It’s like we learned nothing since the Bob Parson’s incident.

Melissa Bachman you’ve earned yourself a King of the Jungle sized throat punch this week for being most outrageously offensive human being and grinning like a psycho the entire time.

2013/11/21 7 comments

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