What is a vaginal cuff ? Everwonder what that even means? I’ll be honest, I never even heard of the word before I got one. I can tell you that it is not anything like an ear cuff. It’s not a piece of jewelry. It is not an accessory of any sort. It does not adorn or make anything look fancy. It’s a procedure that is done when your uterus and cervix is removed. Basically, it’s a separation.
I’m on day 6 of recovery from my hysterectomy. I’m sure that you are all tired of hearing about it and I’m sorry but it happens to be the giant squishy elephant in the room at his time. Yes, it was squishy and big (like a softball) and apparently, the damn thing was so heavy my body decided my cervix should dilate a centimeter to help my body expel of this thing.
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Basically, just like my misplaced gallbladder, my uterus didn’t look as was expected. That’s exactly what you want to hear after having the beast removed from within the fruit of your loins.
How do I feel? It’s the number one question everyone keeps asking and I keep telling them that I feel exhausted and sore. After all, I have 5 incisions in my frankenstomach now. In addition to the butcher marks from when they removed my gallbladder, my stomach looks like you can play a game of connect the ugly scars. I have become a carnival game for small children. And yeah that hurts.
But what really hurts is that it feels like I’ve done a zillion sit-ups. I guess that is what happens when they are tugging away trying to remove an organ the size of a freaking softball from the walls inside your body cavity. Oh, and did I mention that my vagina has been sewn shut?
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I found this out after surgery. No, it’s not like they sewed my face shut at the lips. No, it’s more like they sewed my mouth shut at the back of the throat only… between my legs. Are you getting the picture? Apparently, a few IRL people don’t because they keep asking me if I’m “really” supposed to be in bed and I’ll probably be healed in a couple of weeks. Obviously, they know more than my doctor.
See when they remove your uterus, your fallopian tubes, leave 1 ovary …they also remove your cervix. Its purpose is for the transit of babies from uterus to the outside world. As I will be having no more babies. I no longer need the cervix. Leaving it behind would be of no benefit, require yearly paps and the only purpose it would have is for me to get to play the delightful game of will she get cervical cancer or not for the rest of my life. So, they took it.
Well, like I asked my husband (not to be too graphic, as I am not a doctor) so what happens when you ejaculate? I mean, I love you Big Guy but I don’t feel particularly healthy about your sperm just roaming around my upper chest cavity like ghosts in an old house. That’s when I read up and was graphically explained while high as a kite on Percocet about a vaginal cuff. Sounds like a fashion accessory, right? I assure you that it is not!
What happens ( if you don’t want to know….stop reading here) when they remove your uterus and cervix and all the goodies inside ( save my left ovary who was left behind like a sacrificial lamb to stave off menopause) they have to cut the cervix free from the vagina. Yes, cut, it free from the VAGINA!
Remember your 8th-grade anatomy, it goes labia ( hello, come in. Welcome to my vagina. ) Vagina ( the grand foyer of your lady parts…it’s where you spend time getting to know one another…enjoying one another’s company), then comes the cervix ( mine was super deep and I like to think of it as the long walk to the back room) the uterus is where the magic ( and babies) were made. That’s where the babies grew and to be honest, as deep as my cervix was, I’m surprised I had any kids at all. They were determined. Those are my champion, long-distance swimmers.
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So, now that you know what the set-up is. In my scenario, you now come into the fun room ( the vagina) and then the rest of the house has not only been sealed off but removed. That bitch has been condemned; vacated and torn down.
I have a zillion questions going through my head. Will my husband still fit? He’s a Big Guy. Is it going to be too crowded? Will it hurt? Will things still work like they are supposed to?
Aside from all of this, I have people who have never had a hysterectomy telling me how I’m supposed to be feeling and how fast I’m supposed to be feeling and asking me if I actually feel as bad as I appear to be. Am I really supposed to be in bed?
I want to shout, “No, I’m just doing it because I’m lazy.” That’s the answer I feel like they want. I feel judged for trying to recover.
Well, I’m not a gynecologist and the people who are asking me aren’t either, but my doctor was pretty adamant that I take it easy as to not rip any stitches and end up back in the hospital. But hey, I’m sure this stranger’s cousin’s sister’s friend who was the janitor in the hospital knows better.
Basically, I feel like I’ve had a c-section minus the baby. Instead of pulling out the baby, the removed my entire uterus. It hurts. It’s uncomfortable and I’d appreciate it if certain people would quit questioning if this major surgery is “really that bad”.