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before kids

If you would have asked me a mere 3 years ago if the daily splash in our pool would substitute for a nightly bath, I would have answered a resounding “HELL NO!” Followed by, “That is disgusting! Mom’s who do that are lazy and gross!”
Fast forward to a second child, a raging case of Mommy brain that sometimes feels like a slight case of sun-downers and I’d say, “Maybe?” “It’s better than nothing, right?” “Chlorine is in bleach and bleach is a cleaning agent,ergo the girls are sorta clean, right?”

First, let me start by admitting, I know that it’s gross! Also, let me say that I know this is no substitute for a bath. But sometimes, on those long tiring days of summer,when all time, space and reality is out of whack…it is what it is! Before, I would have reacted like a mad woman, yelling and screeching while overtired, wanting to be playing outside ( damn you long days) children fought the bath like a cat about to be drowned. Oh but I would have won the battle, probably much weaker from the wear. But I am a bigger woman these days, I’d much rather just admit defeat and own up to the fact that some night, like tonight..I wasn’t sure what day I last gave the girls an actual bath. I’m pretty sure it was Saturday Morning before our road trip,so they are due but it will have to wait until tomorrow morning before our next road trip. You didn’t think I was going to take them to my in laws dirty, did you? Geez, what am I some kind of “bad” Mother? Don’t judge me and don’t tell me that your kids have never substituted a day in the pool for a 20 minute splash in the bathtub! That being said, obviously a splash in any organic  body of water is not acceptable. My rule is if fish, or anything else, procreate , defecate, masturbate and urinate in it…it doesn’t count as a substitute. That would be why public pools do not count! EWWW!
What are your thoughts? Have your kiddies ever missed a bath or , ahem, two during swimsuit season? I’m not perfect, but I fight the good fight! Happy Mothering!

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I just woke up, an hour earlier than usual. I suppose it has something to do with me trying to actually get some sleep these last few nights. Hergo no late night, 2 am blogging sessions. Sorry about the posts shortage but for my sanity’s sake I had to get caught up on some sleep. I was beginning to feel a bit disjointed. Speaking of which, I awoke this morning with the remnants of a bad dream lingering on the horizon. Let me preface this by saying, I’ m pretty sure this has everything to do with  the current living situation (due to an out of town job for my husband), stress of being a part-time single mom, and nothing to do with reality…at least not to my knowledge. In this dream, my girlfriend who is about to burst pregnant comes to visit ( in reality , my husband has never even met this woman). She is at my house complaining about wanting this baby out and her husband always being out of town ( which he, in fact, always is due to work).My husband enters the room, sits down by her and begins to console her. Now, in reality, my husband is the type who is very ‘friendly’ with my girlfriends. I don’t mean flirty, I mean actually friendly. He is a very jovial man ; he likes to laugh and thinks himself to be very funny. So, this is no stretch that he would see one of my friends down and jump right in like one of the girls. But in my dream, he pulls her toward him and leans in and kisses the side of her head. I was watching ,uncomforatble and shocked. What the hell just happened? It seemed innocent enough, but not in the context…being that she’s not his wife. Remember, he doesn’t  know her. After she left,. I asked him, “What was that?” He shrugged his shoulders and said, ” I don’t know…I like her.” What? Half jokingly, I said,”Well, don’t like her too much.” The whole thing had a really weird feel about it. Then, the next day, we’re in the car (my husband and I) and he tells me,” I’ve been thinking about it and I really do like her.” This is not what any woman wants to hear about her friend. He was serious and the implication was I like her more than you. So, I sat there in disbelief and listen to this cornucopia of reasons why he likes this woman he barely knows more than his wife of a decade. It went something like this…She’s blonde (I’m brunette), She’s so small (I’m 5’7″ and slightly overweight), she’s so vulnerable (well, I have to hold it together because he’s always gone and I have to be strong), she’s quiet (I’m opinionated.I have a brain and I like using it.), she’s pregnant (he doesn’t want any more) and the list went on for what seemed like forever. Which I suppose it would if you had to listen to your husband list why he likes another woman more than yourself. It was all like a horrible, cruel joke. Ever see that movie where the teenage girls were hazing the other girls and they would circle and point out every single flaw you  they had, and laugh and mock that flaw.That’s how I woke up feeling. I’ve never felt so vulnerable and raw in my entire life. I’m not sure if this sleep thing is for me, if this is the product of sleep. Sometimes we spend so much of our time as Mommies powering through life that we never take the time to actually dwell on things like we did before we had kids. That is normally a good thing because it saves us from living like lovesick teenagers; worrying about every look, glance, hidden meaning behind every word or gesture, second guessing our relationship. But maybe sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we are not just Moms, who have to be strong for everyone.Sometimes we need to dwell on ourselves and our relationships with our spouses because they fell in love with soft young girls, who doted on their every breath and hung on every word. I know we don’t have time for such niceties with the house falling down around us and kids swinging from the chandeliers,bills to be paid, laundry to be done, but I think this dream was a reminder that I need to make more of an effort to be just ‘Debi’ when he and I are alone. I need to be able to switch back into woman mode, from Mommy mode. Mommy mode is too high strung to stay on 24/7…Mommy mode will burn out our motors and leave us broken. Hey nightmare, thanks for the friendly reminder! Now, please leave me alone…I have things to do and places to be, until Friday when I switch back into Debi. I wonder, when Debi’s around…who’s going to run the joint? I guess Daddy will have to figure it out.I’ll be busy being vulnerable and soft.

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