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  • Three Tiny Rings

    Three Tiny Rings

    Today, I woke up and remembered that I should be snuggling a 3-year-old in my lap this morning. Celebrating with giggles, random hugs and sweet, baby voiced, “I love you”s. Instead, my lap is empty. The only things I have to commemorate what should have been are three thin stackable rings, the birthstones of the three babies that grew inside me once.

    Two I kiss and adore and hug and cuddle into my lap every single day, one I never got to hold, not even once. I looked down at that ring a thousand times today, a secret for only me. Suddenly, these three little stackable rings are my most prized possession. They are not worth much money but to me they mean everything. They are tangible, right there on my finger to look upon at will.

    Sometimes I feel like that baby was a figment of my imagination. My third baby is like a whisper that lingers for always in my heart; like the sweet smell that lingers after a breeze carries in the smell of fresh flowers on a warm sunny day. It’s a glimpse of happiness quickly followed by sorrow and only for a moment; never enough time to make it tangible.

    For three years, I’ve spent this day alone in my head. There are always people around. Sometimes I wish there weren’t so I could wallow a bit in my sadness rather than pretending that the day is like any other day.

    Every year on May 1st, the day I miscarried, I allow myself to feel my loss to my very core. Sometimes it hurts terribly. Sometimes not as much. But to do it again on what should have been the day my baby was born, feels overindulgent. I feel like making the leap from one day to two takes me from normal grieving to “weird” as if you can quantify grief.

    I don’t know how this is supposed to work or when/if November 24th will feel like just another day. In actuality, nothing of distinction happened on that day. It’s just a due date that was printed on a scan of a baby that I never got to hold. But to me, that day is imprinted on my heart and I’m afraid it always will be.

    Does it ever get easier?

  • How to make an Easy, Elegant Thanksgiving Tablescape

    How to make an Easy, Elegant Thanksgiving Tablescape

    Thanksgiving is seriously my holiday jam and this year, I needed a Thanksgiving tablescape to convey that. No joking, aside from Christmas, it’s my absolute favorite holiday. I love everything about it; the food, the family and even the chaos. I love the smell of pumpkin, roasted turkey and sweet potato casserole baking that permeate every nook and cranny of my house. As soon as you walk in the door, it’s like a great big giant hug and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Normally, we host between 30-35 people for Thanksgiving dinner. Don’t feel bad for us. We love it. I come from a huge family and it’s always been my dream to give my girls that feeling of a big family. We host dinner for both sides of the family because we want everyone to be close. For us, it is one family.

    Nothing makes my heart soar more than hearing my girls chatter on about their lives to their great grandma Gigi or the way they patiently listen to stories of when their Great Aunt Maxie was a child. I love seeing all of my nieces and nephews laughing and joking together. I love seeing the melding of the Latino and the German cultures but mostly, I love all the love that fills the room like air.

    Unfortunately this year our guest list will be much smaller. This year it will be an intimate Thanksgiving dinner for 13. Since breaking my leg, everyone wanted to give me a break this year and made other plans with in laws and such. It’s okay and I do appreciate the thoughtfulness. I’m still not fully walking on my own and I know they’ll all be around my table again next year. But I will definitely miss the house being filled with the warmth of family.

    You see a long time ago, my husband and I decided that we wanted to host both families for Thanksgiving and we always would because no matter what happened, we wanted our parents to always have a place to come for dinner to celebrate.

    This year may be small but I thought I’d take the opportunity to make it extra special and kick everything up a notch. This is the year for experimenting with a little more elegance and refinement starting with my tablescape.

    Normally, there are so many guests that we use Thanksgiving themed plastic tablecloths and paper goods along with plastic silverware and napkins. This year, with there only being a small group, I’ve decided to break out the chargers and the china.

    The food is always spectacular (here are all the recipes for the perfect dinner) but this year, I want the dinner to be an experience. I want it to feel special and cozy and warm. We might not have the bodies this year but I still want the house to feel cozy and inviting. I want the people who are here to know that they mean everything to us.

    Thanksgiving, tablescape, thanksgiving tablescape, holidays, thanksgiving recipes,turkey, entertaining, family

    For my Thanksgiving tablescape, I decided to go with warm neutrals with a little bit of sparkle for elegance.

    Thanksgiving, tablescape, thanksgiving tablescape, holidays, thanksgiving recipes,turkey, entertaining, family

    I chose a burlap runner because I feel like it gives the table a natural and inviting feel.

    Thanksgiving, tablescape, thanksgiving tablescape, holidays, thanksgiving recipes,turkey, entertaining, family

    I topped that with small wreaths that I used to surround the bottom of my candleholders.

    Thanksgiving, tablescape, thanksgiving tablescape, holidays, thanksgiving recipes,turkey, entertaining, family

    I chose white candles to accentuate the crisp white of the plates.

    Thanksgiving, tablescape, thanksgiving tablescape, holidays, thanksgiving recipes,turkey, entertaining, family

    I went with robin’s egg blue chargers to give the table a little pop of color and tie in the wallpaper in the room.

    Thanksgiving, tablescape, thanksgiving tablescape, holidays, thanksgiving recipes,turkey, entertaining, family

    I opted for my charcoal grey napkins that have silver and gold striations in them. I felt they tied in well with the centerpieces.

    Thanksgiving, tablescape, thanksgiving tablescape, holidays, thanksgiving recipes,turkey, entertaining, family

    I feel like it looks beautiful and I can’t wait to eat dinner at this table surrounded by the people that I love most. For more great ideas to create the perfect Thanksgiving tablescape check out Wayfair.

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    What will your Thanksgiving tablescape look like this year?

    Disclosure: I am a Wayfair ambassador and  this is a compensated post but, as always,  all opinions and this Thanksgiving tablescape are my own.

    Wayfair, Thanksgiving, tablescape, thanksgiving tablescape, holidays, thanksgiving recipes,turkey, entertaining, family

  • Dear Nicole Arbour On Behalf of Fat People Everywhere

    Dear Nicole Arbour On Behalf of Fat People Everywhere

    I watched the video of youtuber, Nicole Arbour, going off on a tangent in her video, Dear Fat People. Since being posted, the video has amassed more than 17 million views on Facebook and more than half a million views on YouTube. Could it be considered offensive? Sure, but anything can be. She has her right to voice her opinion and she wasn’t making up statistics. She was making a commentary on the state of obesity.

    Soon after being uploaded, Arbour’s YouTube channel, as well as the video she’d created, was suspended. She was censored, which I find ironic since Donald Trump and Ann Coulter are still allowed to speak in public.

    I was not offended. I am a fat person. I got that way all on my own. I can’t blame her for pointing it out. Besides, I agree with her, 99% of the time being fat is not a disability but something we have done to ourselves.

    Is it fun? Hell, no. Are there extenuating circumstances? Hell, yeah. Hello, years of eating disorders can actually cause your metabolism to say, “Fuck you, Big mama. You tried to cheat the system. Chew on that!” And then bam! It stops working. Can you still lose weight? YES! Is it super, duper ridiculously hard. YES!

    Are there people with pituitary tumors? Yes. People with thyroid problems? Yes! People who gain weight on medications or from autoimmune disorders? Yes! Are there people who get fat by absolutely no doing of their own? YES!!! I am not one of those people. I am fat because, while yes my metabolism is on protest after years of unhealthy eating disorders, I also eat a lot of bad foods and don’t move nearly enough.

    That woman, Nicole Arbour, who everyone is pissed off at for “fat shaming” is merely telling the truth. And yes, fat shaming is awful and mean. Was she a bit harsh? Yes. Maybe harsh is what we need sometimes to shock us enough to wake us up from our food coma, our denial and our assisted suicide.

    I hate to say it but she had some good points. Some points most of America, especially the food industry, needs to hear. Look, I don’t ride carts in the grocery store or let my fat spill over onto others when I ride in a plane (or at least I hope not, if I do…sorry.) I do sweat like a whore in church when I try to run through the airport. It’s not pretty but I never cut the line, even when my knees do hurt at the airport.

    Being fat is not a disability, it is a state of being. Usually, one we can change with diet and exercise. It’s not easy. If it were, we’d all be looking like models and feeling great, living to 107-years-old. But, honestly, put down the Mountain Dew, the once a day Starbucks, the Mega sized French fries and the $5 pizzas. Make better choices and park a little further, walk a little more. Love your body and love yourself and make sure that you are around for the people who love you most, especially the little ones.

    As for Nicole Arbour, I feel like taking her video down is censorship. Put it back up. If people don’t like it, they don’t have to watch it. Just because we don’t like what we hear doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t have the right to say it. I might not agree with everything Nicole Arbour said and it’s certainly not politically correct but it is true in some circumstances. Honestly, I’d prefer that if we’re going to censor something, let’s please take away public speaking privileges to bigots like Trump and Coulter.

    Sticks and Stones people. Arbour has no power over you, unless you give it to her. If you don’t approve, just ignore her.

     

    What did you think of Nicole Arbour and her Dear Fat People video?

     

     

  • How to Remove a Stain from Almost Anything

    How to Remove a Stain from Almost Anything

    As a mother with young children, I am no stranger to stains — spit up, baby food, grass stains, coffee, and knocked-over wine, but my least favorite is blood. Not just because that means someone got hurt but also because it’s hard to get it out. It means extra work and time that I don’t have, precious time that I could be spending with my girls.

    Both of my daughters are ballerinas. You might not think that would be a dangerous sport but if you add to it a hot, dry studio and a child prone to nose bleeds, you have a recipe for near-constant disaster. White cotton leotards and bloodstains go together like oil and water.

    A bloody nose during ballet used to mean trashing the leotards, letting go, and buying a new one, but as the girls get older and the leotards get more expensive, that’s becoming less and less of an option. What’s a mom supposed to do?

    Well, the solution is finally here. OxiClean™ Laundry Detergent is an all-in-one solution for all of your laundering* needs. It helps save time since it is the the best laundry stain remover and it helps you save money that you would have wasted on replacing stained items.

    OxiClean, laundry

    Blood is a protein-based stain that OxiClean™ Laundry detergent can help remove. As with all stains, the faster you can treat the stain, the better the results will be. I rinse the bloodstained leotard immediately and let it fully soak in cold water. Then I use a little bit of OxiClean™ laundry detergent to pretreat the stain, wait 10-15 minutes and then wash with OxiClean™ laundry detergent. Then, before drying the leotard, I double check to make sure the stain is completely gone.

    The OxiClean™power we’ve all come to know and love is now available in a liquid laundry detergent.

    It’s powered by three color-safe OxiClean™ stain-fighters that penetrate fabrics to get them really clean while removing a wide range of tough stains. It’s available in a Fresh Scent or Perfume and Dye Free.

    OxiClean, laundry

    OxiClean™ laundry detergent helps remove those stains that all of us moms struggle with: grass, blood, fruit juices, fruits, wine, chocolate ice cream, ketchup, spaghetti sauce, and barbecue sauce. It helps me to be less uptight and just let my kids play and enjoy their childhood without worrying whether or not they are going to ruin their “good clothes” every time they wear them. Clothes are made to be worn, and life is made to be lived.

    When I see my daughters dancing on stage, I don’t want to worry about whether or not their leotards are blood-stained. I know all the blood, sweat, tears, and years of dedication it took to get there. I want them to look clean, fresh, and ethereal when they dance, and OxiClean™ laundry detergent has the “wow factor” that allows my ballerinas to have the confidence to shine on stage, uncompromised by the limitations of bloody noses or anything else.

    OxiClean, laundry

    *Please follow manufacturer directions for your garments. For best results, pretreat stains with laundry detergent, wait 5-10 minutes and then wash.

    Disclosure: This post was sponsored by OxiClean™ through their partnership with POPSUGAR Select. While I was compensated to write a post about OxiClean™ n Laundry, all opinions are my own.

  • Back-to-School means Time to Get Back to Me

    Back-to-School means Time to Get Back to Me

    Summer was insane around here, packed full of traveling and the making of all the fun childhood memories but now it’s time to get back to me. It was awesome for the girls and us too. I love having them home but for me it was a little bit of the summer of Mom Interrupted.

    My house looked like a cyclone hit it at all times. Getting work done felt like a covert opp because I was doing it after they went to bed, before they woke up and sneaking away for quiet moments at my keyboard while they were occupied with the Big Guy outside; all the while my heart was longing to be outside with them enjoying it. The mommy guilt was strong with me this summer, even though I was putting most things aside to be in the moment. It just never felt like enough.

    I’ve noticed the older they get, the faster the summers go and more and more often I feel myself being torn between being their mom, his wife and my own person. I want to be happy and to be happy; those three components need to coexist in harmony. I need to be there for them but I definitely need to be here for me too. When the balance gets out of whack, my entire universe starts spinning off its axis. The truth is that one thing fuels the other and makes it better.

    But how do I be there for them and still get back to me?

    Being a good wife means a happy marriage, which means a stable, happy home for my children but none of that is possible if I am not happy with myself. So I have these three balls in the air at all times; my career, my daughters and my husband. Usually it is easy, I mean these are my priorities so 3 priorities are perfect until anything unexpected or extra comes up (which has been happening all summer) and then all the balls start dropping and I am jumping around like a mad woman trying to catch them before they hit the floor and shatter because obviously in my mind my balls are fragile. But my balls are strong; they are made of rubber. Anyways, enough about comparing my family to balls. The point is they are more resilient than I give them credit for and so am I.

    But school has started back and I am writing in quiet from the hours of 8-2:30 and our routine is hectic but it’s manageable because we work together as a family to function smoothly. Sure there are hiccups but with everyone being flexible and having our priorities, life is easier. The thing that really keeps all the balls in the air is recognizing when one of us needs a break from the juggling or needs some extra TLC.

    Every so often when things at the office get a little too hectic or my husband has a big project due, we all recognize that he might need a little more time to play Call of Duty and kill some zombies to decompress so I ask him to do less around the house during that time. Sometimes the kids get overwhelmed with homework and extracurricular activities, especially when they have performances or big tests coming up and that’s when they get extra cuddles, more understanding and maybe a pass on chores. And sometimes, I really need a day of quiet, to sleep in or just someone else to juggle all the balls for awhile because my arms are exhausted and this is when my family steps in and takes over; back-to-school is one of those times of year.

    The girls are excited and anxious about starting a new school year with new teachers and new friends but at the same time, I am juggling all the balls and about 20 more and after a summer with just throwing balls and letting them fall where they may, this is near impossible and very stressful. I am in desperate need of a girl’s weekend in Chicago, a week at the beach or just a spa day.

    Who am I kidding, I would settle for a day of no obligations; sleeping through the night without any interruptions and waking up on my own, a hot, relaxing bath, take out, no kids bickering and a back massage by the Big Guy. That sounds just about like perfection to me.

    What’s your idea of the perfect back to me day?

     

    Disclosure: I am a Wayfair ambassador but all opinions about how I get back to me are my own.

  • Carrie Fisher the Warrior Princess who Gave Me Hope

    Carrie Fisher the Warrior Princess who Gave Me Hope

    Today, in some bizarre twist of fate, the moment Rogue One began to play on the screen, my Apple watch flashed the breaking news, Star Wars icon, Carrie Fisher, dead at 60. Her big, beautiful heart just stopped beating. Just like that, she was gone and all the air was sucked out of my lungs. It was a cosmic punch to the gut. I sat there in shock in the dark theater as the words, in a galaxy far, far away flashed on the screen. It was surreal and the most ironic thing I’ve ever experienced.

    carrie Fisher, bipolar, addiction, Princess Leia, star wars, rogue one

    I spent the duration of the movie watching from behind tear-filled eyes, stifling inappropriate sobs. I wasn’t crying over the loss of Princess Leia, that was just a character that she played in a movie. I was devastated by someone that I felt a kindred spirit in so many ways.

    Carrie Fisher was a hero to me for her outspoken, feisty, live out loud female empowered way that she lived her life but she was particularly my hero because she was a survivor. We survivors, we recognize scrappy in one another and we admire it. I admired her.

    carrie Fisher, bipolar, addiction, Princess Leia, star wars, rogue one

    She survived addiction and Bipolar, and believe me, if you’ve not had to survive either of these you have no idea just how strong this woman was. She faced it head on and said, “Fuck you! I’m not going down without a fight! Bring it on, bitches!” (That’s NOT  a direct quote but a sentiment sort of an inner warrior princess battle cry.)

    When we are children and young adults, we naturally gravitate towards heroes to emulate that we recognize glimpses of ourselves in. I saw myself in Carrie Fisher. I loved the way she just told it like it was. There was no time for bullshit. Life is too short, especially when your mind takes you on a perpetual roller coaster ride.

    She came out publicly about her struggles with addiction and her bipolar diagnosis in the mid-90’s. She inspired others to do so too. Soon after, I was diagnosed bipolar 1. When you are suffering undiagnosed and self-medicating just to try to feel “normal” it’s like you’re not even really living; you’re getting by. You feel broken and to find out that there is a name for it, to find out that you are merely bent and not broken, is sweet relief. I could identify on so many levels with her on this. We shared that experience and its sort of like sharing cancer or war together. It etches that person on your heart in a way most others can never be.

    carrie Fisher, bipolar, addiction, Princess Leia, star wars, rogue one

    After I was diagnosed, I made it my mission to learn everything I could about the disease. Not only did I see my psychiatrist and psychologist weekly and religiously, I read every book I could get my hands on, including the DSM. I gave books to my family and friends so that they could educate themselves and understand why I was the way I was. I learned all of my comorbid diagnosis and how to cope with them; some with medication and all through behavioral therapy. I learned what made me tick. I embraced the madness. I even took it a step further and took a few graduate clinical psychology courses just to wrap my brain around it as much as possible. I learned how to diagnose not because I wanted to diagnose anyone but because I wanted to recognize, educate and help anyone else who was feeling broken.

    Every time Carrie Fisher spoke up about mental illness and advocated for mental health, she made it easier for the rest of us. She also inspired us to be honest to tell our mental health truths. Having a mental illness diagnosis is not like having a physical illness diagnosis. When you have a mental illness, somehow the world sees you as defective by your own choice; as if you did something to deserve it or it was some punishment for being weak-minded but no one would ever say that about someone with diabetes or cancer. Carrie fought those stigmas at every chance because once you can separate yourself from the disease and see with that intuitive clarity, you just want to help anyone you can.

    carrie Fisher, bipolar, addiction, Princess Leia, star wars, rogue one

    Carrie Fisher’s bravery inspired me to share my own stories; my diagnoses. I told the world things I hadn’t even said out loud to most of my friends because I was ashamed they would somehow think less of me or make every fault about the diagnosis. I was terrified to tell you my deepest, darkest most stigmatized secrets but I wrote them out and became an advocate because by being open it destigmatizes it just a little bit for the next generation; the next group of sufferers. That’s who Carrie Fisher was to me. I saw myself in her and I will miss her. She gave me hope.

    In the last 5 seconds of Rogue One, just when I thought I couldn’t possibly hold it together for one more second, there on the screen was Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) turning around to face the audience, beaming in the way only Carrie could, and she said, “We have hope.” It was one last serendipitous pep talk from a woman who has inspired me to be strong and brave when I was at my most vulnerable. Rest in peace, my fellow warrior.

    carrie Fisher, bipolar, addiction, Princess Leia, star wars, rogue one

     

  • How to Live with Your Heart Walking Around Outside of Your Body

    How to Live with Your Heart Walking Around Outside of Your Body

    This post is sponsored by Disney’s Pinocchio. All opinions and the wish for my child are my own.

    Ever think about what your greatest wish for your child might be? Do you want them to be smart? Successful? Healthy? Happy? Good human beings? Maybe all of thee above. When I was a child, I thought the tale of Pinocchio was just about a boy who lied and when he did, his nose grew. The moral of the story for me, as a child, was to not lie because it’s bad and liars get caught. So not worth it, plus, I didn’t want my nose to grow. I was vain so that lesson quickly stuck with me. Years later, that’s how I became “Truthful mommy.” I simply can’t lie because my face shows every thought that comes into my head. I think it’s a pretty awesome thing and it’s something I’ve taught my girls, the no lying part, the face betrayal is pure genetics (fortunately for me they’ve inherited that too).

    As an adult, I’ve read the story of Pinocchio with my children and I see it with a fresh perspective. I see an even deeper aspect to the timeless story. I see a man desperate for a child; someone to love unconditionally. Geppetto wants what all parents want, his own little miracle.

    From the moment I knew that I was pregnant and felt those first flutters and kicks, I’ve known that being a mother was a privilege. Sure sometimes I’m exhausted and the minutia of motherhood makes me feel like I’m a little bit brain dead. But, then out of nowhere I’m inspired or flabbergasted and other times I’m just outright amazed by the way they move through the world. They truly are miracles to me. Don’t get me wrong, they can also be a handful. It’s certainly not always sunshine and rainbows but I totally see why Geppetto wished on a star to make his puppet son a real boy. Nothing can substitute the love shared between a parent and a child.

    wish for your child, wish upon a star, pinocchio, parenting, motherhood

     

    When I was younger, I always knew that when I grew up, I wanted to be a mom. I come from a big family; 6 children. I like to call us the Mexibilly Brady Bunch, only we all came from the same set of Catholic parents. I’m the Marsha of the family. Children have always been a part of my life. I was always the girl who went to family/friend gatherings and spent a bulk of my time entertaining the children. It was all I had ever known and I knew one day, I wanted my own children to love.

    I grew up, got married and eventually had a couple little girls of my own. There is nothing quite like motherhood. You can babysit a million children, read every book and watch every movie and it still never prepares you for being a mother to actual children. First, you are overwhelmed with all the heart-exploding love that you never even knew existed in the world that you feel for said ooey, gooey baby from the instant you see them. And forget about it once they put that baby in your arms, you are done for. There is no recovery from that kind of love. Instant and eternal addiction.

    Then complete and overwhelming, all-encompassing fear because holy moly you realize this baby is perfection and you have absolutely no idea what you are doing and the last thing you want to do is mess up the most perfect thing you will ever do in your life. When the doctor said I could go home from the hospital with my first baby, I was overcome with sheer panic because what were they thinking? I felt like the world’s biggest imposter. I was terrified. None of my experiences up to that point had prepared me for what I was feeling in that moment.

    wish for your child, wish upon a star, pinocchio, parenting, motherhood

    Then more fear because, oh my goodness, I love this little person more than anything I’ve ever loved in my entire life and now they are out in the world, exposed to the elements; the crazy (all the crazy), global warming, sharp edges and mean people (people who could hurt their feelings or worse). And what if I messed it up and she stopped breathing or I couldn’t feed her or I dropped her (all of which happened by the way) or the list was endless of ways that I could damage her? That’s when it hit me like a train, loving someone has no guarantees. Being able to love someone so precious so much comes with a price and that price is the uncertainty that it will all be alright. The price for great love is great pain if it’s ever lost but it’s totally worth the risk. Once you’ve seen your child look at you like you are the best thing in the world, you will die, kill and risk it all just to see them smile; everything else becomes meaningless when you have that kind of clarity. When you give love to a tiny human, you accept the responsibility and you never look back, only forward.

    Geppetto’s wish for Pinocchio was that he became a real boy. How could he not? I have two wishes for my daughters and they are these: health and happiness. Sounds simple, right? Not so much because one day I may find myself confronted with the choice of watching my child choose a path that might not be what I would have chosen for their happiness, but it’s not my life to live. I am only the giver of their lives but it is their lives to live.

    wish for your child, wish upon a star, pinocchio, parenting, motherhood

    Sometimes we have to watch our kids struggle before they reach their goals. That’s how they learn to work for their dreams. That’s how they learn to become who they are meant to be. That letting go to let them grow up is almost impossible but it’s part of the unwritten parent/child agreement.

    I can keep my daughters healthy and happy in my house because I control the climate but once they get out in the world, I can only be there to catch them when they stumble. I will always do all that I can to help them make their dreams come true but I can’t do it for them because then the happiness will lose its effect.

    wish for your child, wish upon a star, pinocchio, parenting, motherhood

    So my wish for my girls is all the happiness that the world has to offer them. I teach them to go for their dreams. I teach them to pursue their joys and to never be afraid to change their expectations because sometimes life and happiness don’t fit neatly into a box. Life is messy and beautiful and I just want my girls to be open to enjoying every single moment of it.

    disney, wish for your child, wish upon a star, pinocchio, parenting, motherhood

    New to The Walt Disney Signature Collection, the movie that inspired the world to wish upon a star, Pinocchio is a timeless tale for the whole family. Bring home this magical story of friendship and epic adventure now on Digital HD & Disney Movies Anywhere, on Blu-ray Jan 31. Pick up your copy here. It includes hours of new and classic bonus content.

    This is the wish for my child, what do you wish for yours?

     

  • Ogunquit, Maine is the Perfect Beach Getaway

    Ogunquit, Maine is the Perfect Beach Getaway

    Last week, I was in Ogunquit, Maine.As my Instagram feed would have shared, I was on vacation with my family. Never heard of Ogunquit, Maine? That’s okay, neither had I but now, I will never forget this quiet, quaint coastal town. It’s the perfect east coast beach getaway and what I happily refer to as Xanax for my soul. It’s the first time in years that I’ve gone on vacation and actually come home feeling relaxed.

    The Big Guy was headed to Maine for business and, as we sometimes do during the summer months, we tagged along and made it a family affair. I’d always wanted to visit the Eastern Coast and play on its beaches so I looked for a hotel by the sea. At the suggestion of a friend, I found the Anchorage Resort by the Sea. Just the name itself conjures up images of waves crashing into the shore and families building sandcastles.

    Ogunquit,Maine, Coastal Maine,Beach Getaways, East Coast, Marginal Way

    After a 15-hour road trip with children, sanity still in tact, we arrived at our destination and it did not disappoint. Upon first glance, it was everything I imagined it to be. Bluish-gray siding and white shutters just like in the pictures. The staff was friendly, well-versed in their small town and attentive. The rooms, while not huge, were clean and comfy. We stretched our legs, changed our clothes and immediately started exploring.

    Our first introduction to the small town of Ogunquit was our walk down the Marginal way to Perkins Cove for dinner at Barnacle Billy’s. It was at dusk. The tide was low and families were still frolicking on the beach as we walked the mile or so down the path serenaded by waves crashing as day slowly metamorphosed into night. This was only the second time our girls have been to the ocean and the scene mesmerized them.

    Ogunquit,Maine, Coastal Maine,Beach Getaways, East Coast, Perkins COve

    Once we made it to Perkins Cove, after several stops for photo ops along the way, we made it to Barnacle Billy’s a local institution. Barnacle Billy’s is located right in Perkins Cove near the footbridge; you can watch all the boats come in to dock as you enjoy your dinner. It was quite pretty. Many people opted for the hour plus wait for a seat on the patio but we were starving and sat inside.

    Quick tip: If you opt for sitting inside, you will be seated immediately, you can enjoy the scenery completely and you avoid the smell of “fish”. We sampled the crab cakes (which were amazing), the lobster roll ( which for the coast was a bit pricey but absolutely delicious), the fish and chips ( which were also delicious and some of the cleanest tasting I’ve ever had) and of course, the chicken tenders ( kid tested and approved.) They also offer an assortment of local beers and are known for their Rum Punch, I would not endorse the punch however. It was very strong, so if your goal is to be drunk, go for it but overall, it didn’t taste very well.

    Ogunquit,Maine, Coastal Maine,Beach Getaways, East Coast

    The simplest way to describe Ogunquit, Maine?

    If you were ever a fan of The Gilmore Girls, Ogunquit is  the Stars Hollow of coastal Maine and it is absolutely endearing nothing like the bustling cities we normally visit.

    Day 2: The girls and I wandered down the shop-lined Shore Drive to the Ogunquit Beach, which was a 5-minute stroll from our room. Now, the beach in Ogunquit was different than any beach I have ever been to before in that the tide came in further and further back the shoreline about 20 feet every 20 minutes, so what started out as a huge beach at 11 a.m. ended up being about a 20 foot deep shoreline by the time high tide rolled around at 3:30 p.m. It was our first time, so we learned this the hard way by moving all of our belonging 4 times. Life lesson learned: invest the $25 in one of those little chairs to sit on the beach ( much easier to move than wet, sand filled towels). We also learned the hard way that you should always double check the SPF on your sunscreen and reapply frequently while spending the day on the beach. Summer getaways, like the dock and dine hudson river, are a great way to reward and pamper yourself amidst all the challenges you’ve faced on a daily basis.

    Ogunquit,Maine, Coastal Maine,Beach Getaways, East Coast

    We had a lot of fun on Tuesday but learned a lot of hard lessons. For instance, if you build a sandcastle on a moving shore, you will have to build it several times and children and sunburn don’t mix well. I also learned what “Jimmies” were. Ever heard this term before? Apparently, in that part of the country, it means sprinkles on ice cream. Where I’m from, it means condoms so imagine my confusion when the girl at the counter asked me if I wanted “jimmies “on my ice cream cone?

    Ogunquit,Maine, Coastal Maine,Beach Getaways, East Coast

    That night, after what we thought was stupendous day at the beach, the family had dinner at another local establishment called Jonathans. The restaurant is in what used to be the owners childhood home. The décor is quaint, the setting is intimate and the service was excellent. The customer service was so phenomenal, in fact, that when I originally called to make the reservation (before succumbing to open table for reservations) no one answered the phone. Due to my impatience, after 3 rings I went online. While I was doing that, the manager called my phone to apologize for missing the call and left a message telling me that there were tables available. Who does that? I was impressed.

    Ogunquit,Maine, Coastal Maine,Beach Getaways, East Coast, Jonathans

    Once at Jonathans we ordered the lobster bisque (phenomenal), the Calamari Rhode Island style (which was supposed to be spicy but it was not, but it was very good) and I had the Seafood pasta with clams, lobster and shrimp (it was warm buttery goodness). The Big Guy had the Italian pasta which was also very good but the portion was very generous so, if you plan to have it, come hungry. I also tried the Bloody Orange Martini, which was absolutely delectable. I could have drunk those all night long. Also, we tried the chicken tenders and macaroni and cheese, again, kid tested and approved. Then, we all strolled back to the room with full bellies and happy hearts.

    Ogunquit,Maine, Coastal Maine,Beach Getaways, East Coast

    There were lots more we experienced in this amazing little beach town in Maine but I will break this into two posts, as it is getting pretty long.

    Ogunquit,Maine, Coastal Maine,Beach Getaways, East Coast

    Bottom line, if you ever find yourself anywhere near Ogunquit, Maine, the beautiful place by the sea, do yourself a favor and stay awhile.

  • Why Assuming is a Bad Idea

    Why Assuming is a Bad Idea

    Ever wonder where the old adage about why assuming is a bad idea came from? I like to think of myself of as being open-minded yet, a tad cynical. I feel it’s what gives me my “scrappiness”. I’m not doe-eyed and I’ve always been skeptical, just a little bit. I never trust anything 100% because that’s when we make an ass out of me and sometimes you.

    Anyways, I must be getting soft in my old age because I forgot my own wisdom and made an assumption about someone. I was wrong. I was very wrong but it reminded me of something, never judge a book by its cover. Get to know the story first.

    It also reminded me that you never know what’s going on in someone’s life at any given moment. So that sour puss they are sporting, the one you are judging them for, it may be the best the could muster on this day. Maybe their dog just died. Maybe they just found out they have cancer. Maybe they really need to go to the bathroom and you are what’s standing between them and a bowel accident of epic proportions. The thing is we never know, do we? Bear all of this in mind, when I share the story that reminded me to always get to know the story behind someone. It’s seldom easy and never black and white, so stop judging and dole out a little more kindness and understanding.

    There is an elderly gentleman in our neighborhood, who for the better of the past 5 years that I’ve lived in this house, has walked the trails behind our home. I see this man on a daily basis more than I see almost anyone else. He is constantly walking.

    Over the years, he has lost weight and gotten in shape. He has smiling eyes and always says hello. He just walks, all year round. Headphones on, head down, walking for infinity.

    I won’t lie, somehow from his smiling eyes, stoic determination, and gentle face, I made the leap ( the assumption) that he was most likely an elderly man who had fallen on ill health and rather than give up, he was determined to be in peak physical health. I imagined him beating cancer, heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and just about any physical ailment that a man his age might be encountering.

    In a way, he inspired me. I saw him walking when I was dealing with my own health issues and he inspired me to get hold of myself. I mean if a man at least 30 years my senior could be so dedicated to his cause, I could at least put forth an effort and so, I did and it worked. I’m healthy.

    But you know, I never had a real conversation with this man. I talk to a lot of my neighbors but he is always walking and I know how hard it is to stay motivated to work out so I didn’t want to interrupt his groove. I had this whole idea of him that I looked up to. I’d see him from my kitchen window as I washed the dishes or from the laundry room and think to myself, Get it Grandpa! Then, I found out the truth.

    One day while talking to another neighbor, who has lived here for many years longer than I have, this elderly man with the smiling eyes walked past and waved to her. She, around his same age, waved back but in an almost annoyed way.  I was curious.

    I said, “Wow! That guy walks a lot! He must be the healthiest man in the neighborhood. I wish I could be as dedicated to working out as he is. Did something happen to him?”

    “What do you mean?” she asked.

    “Did he have a heart attack or something? I see him walking constantly, all day long. I assumed he had some kind of health scare that caused the inspiration to walk constantly.”

    “Nope, He didn’t have a heart attack. Nothing is wrong with him except he is a drunk!”

    Not what I expected, at all. “What do you mean?”

    “I’ve known him for many years. He used to be a fall down drunk. Now, he’s a walking drunk. He drinks so much that he gets sloppy and falls into bushes and talks too much to the neighbors. My husband ( a sheriff) has found him in our bushes many times and taken him home.”

    Aghast, “WHAT?”

    “Yeah, his wife wouldn’t tolerate it anymore so now, he drinks until he’s drunk. Walks it off. Drinks some more and then walks it off. This is what he does all day long. Drinks and walks.”

    WTF?? Talk about missing the mark. I was so far off the mark; I wasn’t even on the right continent. I have to admit, I am somewhat disappointed. He’s not an inspiration; he’s just trying to make the best of his shitty situation which when you think about it, isn’t that all any of us is really doing?

    Maybe he is an inspiration after all. Obviously, not in the traditional sense. I won’t be joining his workout program anytime soon or anything but he’s making lemon drops out of his lemons and that’s something, right? But it was a gentle reminder, it doesn’t help to make assumptions about other people, good or otherwise, just let the story unfold an get to know people and their stories for what they are not for what you imagine or expect them to be.

  • A Year Ago Today, the Loss of the Unimaginable

    A Year Ago Today, the Loss of the Unimaginable

    miscarriage, loss, grief, pregnancy, parentingMay 1st is the anniversary of what has so far been the worst day of my life; the day that I lost my third baby. I feel so many emotions. I am overwhelmed and consumed, swallowed by inescapable grief. There is a feeling of finality that I was not prepared to feel. I don’t want to feel this; not today of all days. (more…)