The TRUTH About Motherhood

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That Day My Teenage Girl Told Me How She Really Felt
Teenage girls get a bad rap. They are painted as moody, bitchy, argumentative creatures who are just plain mean, even cruel at times and above all else, they hate their mothers. I’m not sure that’s a true representation. I know being a teenage girl is difficult on a good day.
Now, I’ve never personally hated my mom. There was a brief moment in history when I thought I knew better than her and I was inclined to telling her so. I believe it the ages of 15-17. I talked back so much, it’s a wonder that I have any teeth left in my head. I was very willful and headstrong, as children becoming adults often are. I was one step above throwing tantrums.
My mom was a saint, aside for the occasional moments when she just couldn’t stand it anymore and would, without saying a word, push her bony knuckles into my thigh. Don’t feel sorry for me, I deserved much worse and now, I know what restraint it took to not say a damaging word to me.
I always wanted to skip that part of motherhood and to be honest, I was terrified of it. It was the part when my mom and I put some space between us, or rather I did. I took every word and look as a transgression from her. She really could do no right. Now I see, how hard she was trying. After all, when I was 17, she was a mother of 4 teenagers, a 10-year-old and a newborn. I don’t know how she managed and right now, I applaud her for not killing us all.
READ ALSO: My Daughter Loves Me; the In-Between Years
People warned me of what I had to look forward to when my own girls entered the teen years. I had nightmares of my sweet, loving daughters turning into gum smacking, eye rolling, ish talking monsters but mostly I feared the wedge it would drive in our relationship. Honestly, it’s been hovering like a rain cloud for their entire childhood. I think it’s part of why I’ve tried so hard to build an open, honest relationship with my girls. It’s what I always wanted with my own mom.
Don’t get me wrong, my mom and I were close. She’s one of my favorite people but I think we could have been closer had we clung to each other during the rough patch rather than have pushed one another away. Heated emotions allowed us to walk away. At the time, I think we both felt it was to cause less damage but in retrospect, it allowed for complacency. I realized some relationships are worth staying and fighting; the one with your mom is one of those.
Here I am many years later, entering the teen years again. This time I’m the mom. I’ve put in 13 years preparing both of us for this moment. It’s been work and consistency every single day. It’s meant having hard discussions, being completely open and not being perfect. It’s meant tears and hard choices but always my heart was looking to the long game. Every moment has been a teachable moment. There is no room for complacency in my motherhood.
I never know if I’m doing it right. Most of the time, it feels like I am doing it absolutely wrong. But then every so often, my daughters do something that validates everything I’ve been doing. It’s never big sweeping gestures. I don’t want those. Anyone can do those, it’s like going to church on Christmas. It comes in quiet moments in the form of unexpected words or actions that I’m not even sure are meant for me to see. It’s in the kind of human beings they are becoming but sometimes it’s more obvious but still just as powerful and meaningful and I find myself crying because I am moved.
READ ALSO: Tips for Raising Teenage Girls and Not Damaging Your Relationship
Why am I talking about this? Well, a couple weeks ago I was visiting my parents alone. No Big Guy and no girls. I actually got to be just a daughter for the first time in many years and it was glorious, but that’s a post for another time. Anyways, back to my story.
While I was at my parents’ house not being in charge and having all of my whims indulged, my phone dinged. I was mid-conversation with my mom. Ironically, it was my daughter. Wasn’t sure that I wanted to open the message because, honestly, I was in such a good mood and I just knew it was going to be the girls pulling me into an argument they were having or them trying to convince me to overrule a decision their father had made. I never do that by the way because marriage=solid front.
Anyways, against my better judgment, I opened the message from my teenage girl.
Did I mention this was during the last couple weeks of school so hell was breaking loose? The girls bickering had gotten out of control. It moved beyond simple arguing and tattling to a full contact sport and it was exhausting to watch and to mediate. This is one of those moments when I completely feel like I am failing at parenting. But, I can’t ignore my children. I opened the email and this is what I found.
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Not going to lie. It made me cry. It made me puff out my chest. It made me feel all the feels and I immediately ran over to my own mom and showed her what an amazing granddaughter she has. She raised me, so she gets credit too. And I think we both felt all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that even if our relationship may have been strained for a few years, it made me the mom I am today. A teenager who randomly sends her mom this song for no reason at all, well, I’d say I’m doing something wrong…at least on that day.
Love your teenagers the way you loved your toddlers; same kid, different body. You keep putting that love out there, even when everyone wants to walk away and it’s easier, you keep momming that kid. You might not know it by looking at them when they’re ignoring you and rolling their eyes but they see you. They hear you. They love you and they know you love them unconditionally. P.S. It might kill me when they leave for college.
What has your teenage girl or teen boy done that’s surprised you?
2018/06/07
Why You Should Always Friend the Older Mom in the Class
I think role model moms should be standard issue to all new moms. Being a mom is hard. It is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Not because of all the work it entails but the sheer force of the all-consuming energy that unconditional love tolls on your mind, body and spirit. Having done it twice, I really think that most of us spend the first four years of of our children’s lives in a fog induced by sheer love meeting complete desperation and exhaustion. I mean, I know I didn’t have a full night’s sleep until year 8 and it was only once.

The thing is when we come up for air from the insanity of new motherhood, we need to look for a mom role model.
I don’t mean someone to emulate or keep up with. Believe you me, I’ve had more than my fair share of those in my parenting lifetime. I’m not even referring to those amazing mom friends who hold your hand and lift your soul when you are neck deep in diaper blowouts, colic and regression. Though those broads are worth their weight in gold, for the listening and nodding agreement alone. If they can offer helpful advice and be a gentle sounding board, bonus.

When I say a role model, I mean a mom you meet who has older kids who are turning out pretty damn good. She might know a thing or two. Sure, she might not have cloth diapered but her oldest just started college and that kid’s got all of his shit together. This mama knows how to get things done the right way. I was fortunate to meet one such amazing woman on my oldest daughter’s first day of kindergarten.

You see, it was my first child and I didn’t want her to go to school all day. I wanted to cherish these final moments together. Plus the kid was still taking naps and who was I to take that away from us. Her sleeping peacefully while I gently stroked her head and silently sobbed because she was leaving me. Looking back now, on the precipice of puberty, I wasn’t wrong.

Anyways, I digress. This other mom, let’s call her Maureen ( because that is her name and she is too awesome for me not to refer to her by her real name), had a little boy who also happened to be only going ½ day. We.were.the.only.2. ( It’s Catholic school, people. Most of these mamas have plenty more and full day it was.) But not us, we wanted our kids home with us.

I walk into the corridor to wait for my daughter and I see this lovely woman, blonde and beautiful. Obviously, she has her shit together. She was not wearing the yoga pants and t-shirt with spit up on it that I was and her hair was so not in a ponytail like mine. We started talking and she was a little teary eyed and all I thought was dear Lord, what are they doing to our children that this obviously seasoned mom was brought to tears by. That’s when she told me that not only was this her youngest child’s first day of kindergarten but her oldest child’s first day of college. You see the irony, first and last and last and first all in the same day. I got a little choked up myself. I just wanted to hug her but I didn’t because that would have made me seem deranged, right ? Well, maybe I did, who can remember, the brain fog was strong with me in those days. Either way, I knew I loved this woman instantly.

Her heart was as big as anything I had ever seen and she was is (she’s not dead or anything) just a really lovely person. She had kind eyes and an unspoken kinship that put me at ease. For once, I felt like I could shut up and listen and not tell the other mother what month of life my child achieved a basic life skill (good thing too because I was getting tired of pulling out those motherhood aces up the sleeve: Bella walked at 10 months and Gabs totally potty trained herself by 18 months. Ok, see that was the last time.)

From that first day, I knew we would be friends and when I met her other children ( she has four) I realized that I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. Her kids are kind, well-mannered, smart, well-rounded citizens of the world. Her kids blow my mind, ergo, her mom skills are the bomb.
Six years later and she is still my mom role model. I hope one day I can be the same for some other new mom because God knows, I am not the youngest mom in the class, ever.
Who is your mom role model?
2016/01/19
Doesn’t Every Child Deserve a Full Belly?
Every once in awhile I get the opportunity to use my piece of the Internet for something good. I love when that happens because it makes me feel like I have a higher purpose than just documenting my life online. It gives me a chance to actively make the world a better place for my girls, to be a good example and give back.
I partnered with The Motherhood and Champions for Kids for their Snacks for Students Program. Champions for Kids is the first of several campaigns to launch nationally, with the goal to provide resources for more than 10 million children in 2015. It makes it simple to give kids in your own community the resources they need to thrive. Since 2004, Champions for Kids has served more than 5.4 million children across all 50 states through in-store donation campaigns, service projects and community events.
Champions for Kids, General Mills, Kellogg’s, Emerald and Kettle Chips have joined forces to make it simple for communities to provide basic resources for students through in-store donations.
The Snacks for Students program is part of the Champions for Kids program that seeks to make it simple for shoppers to purchase and donate items to children in need. I chose to work with a local organization called Charis House for Homeless Mothers and Children. This is a cause close to my heart because there are so many brave women who have to make the decision to leave an abusive relationship, many relinquishing all financial stability in order to give their children and themselves a better chance at life.
From February 16 to March 2, U.S. customers at more than 3,600 participating Walmart stores can purchase snacks and breakfast items for children and place them inside designated donation bins. All donations made in-store will stay in the local community and be distributed through school districts or youth-based organizations. This is the perfect way to give back to the people that should matter the most to you, the children in your own community. Doesn’t every child deserve a full belly?
In addition, Champions for Kids, General Mills, Kellogg’s, Emerald and Kettle Chips will provide 13 awards, totaling $45,000, to school districts and participating youth-based organizations based on the total number of donated items collected in each store.
I am proud to be a part of this program and to be able to help the Charis House for Homeless Mothers and Children. Who will you help feed?
Disclosure: I partnered with The Motherhood, Champions for Kids and Walmart to provide donations for the organization of my choice but all opinions are my own.
2015/03/07
Making Memories When You Least Expect It
This is a compensated campaign in collaboration with Johnson’s® and Latina Bloggers Connect but all opinions are my own.
Remember when your children were tiny and they depended on you for absolutely everything? Those first couple of years felt like they lasted forever. They were arduous and while down in those trenches of motherhood, I’m pretty sure that every one of us wished them away. Then one day, suddenly, not only could they walk they could run.
But there were good solid bonding moments amongst all that exhaustion and minutia in the early days, only you might not have realized it then. I remember breastfeeding my daughter, every hour and a half in those first weeks. In all honesty, it felt like she never left my breasts. The hours upon hours of staring into the face of that amazing, little person who I’d spent my entire life waiting to meet were so profound. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t have sacrificed.
I remember those first baths. The careful juggling of fragile perfection and praying that I wouldn’t break her in some meaningful way. I held her gaze and her teeny fingers in my hand as I gingerly let the lukewarm water pour over her like sunlight spreading over the world at the beginning of a new day.
Bath time was always a time of bonding with my girls. When they were toddlers, we’d take bubble baths together, blowing the suds around and laughing, chatting together and singing songs. There was no place else that I would have rather been. These moments are where my daughter learned to focus her attention, to grab, to talk and to understand the words I was saying to her.
I can still remember my daughter being 18 months old and being so excited about her night time bath that the Big Guy and I had to spell “B.A.T.H” because if we said the word out loud, she’d be running out of the room, taking her diaper off and making a mad dash for the tub.
Every night, the bathroom would fill with the relaxing scent of baby wash. She’d splash and play as our special bedtime ritual began. After bath time and before reading to her, I’d help her relax by massaging her her tiny little legs and arms with JOHNSON’S® lavender scented baby lotion. After that, she’d climb up into my lap and cuddle into me, while I read her a favorite book or two. The scent of lavender takes me right back to those early days of motherhood.
Once our second daughter came along bath time was two sisters bonding. Squeaks of delight would echo through the house as each sister made the other laugh while they spoke their secret sister language, sharing inside jokes and understandings.
Bath time has always been a special bonding time in our house, a special time when moments turn into memories that last a lifetime. Fresh and clean bath time smells evoke great and powerful emotions of the most precious moments in a baby’s life. Just remember that sweet smell of your precious little one after bath time. Bath time is about #SoMuchMore than just getting clean.
For more than 120 years, JOHNSON’S® has been committed to the happy and healthy development of all babies, pioneering the science and setting global standards in baby skin care by providing products that are formulated and designed with baby in mind.
Because JOHNSON’S® believes in enhancing baby care rituals that unlock and release the full power of the senses, and providing parents an opportunity to nurture baby’s ability to learn, think, love and grow, JOHNSON’S® researchers are now working with external experts to further explore and understand the role of sensorial experiences in happy, healthy baby development.
For updates on this research, follow @JohnsonsBaby on Twitter.
What is your favorite bath time memory with your child?
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This is a compensated collaboration with Johnson’s® and Latina Bloggers Connect. However, all opinions expressed are my own.
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2015/02/18
How to Send an SMS Text Without Humiliating Yourself or Anyone Else

Are You Sure You Want to Send That SMS Text?
The combination of sending an SMS text and motherhood is as tricky as mixing cranky toddlers and shark week. It’s probably not going to turn out well for anyone involved. Motherhood is a complex house of cards built on trust and kept in tact by out of this world organizational skills and having a keen sense of direction and the ability to remember what you are doing are a bonus. I, however, do not posses the ability to remember what I am doing nor have I ever been organized enough to keep track of my text messages. I’m pretty skilled at keeping track of little people but my texting gets a little lost in the shuffle. I should have an editor for my texts and completely forget about the send SMS Now function. I’ve gotten lucky many times over the years and even though the mommy brain is a stage four, the five year old has a memory like an elephant. But even then sometimes I get my Mommy wires confused when trying to do too many things at one time. (more…)
2012/07/25
Michelle Gregg I’m Sorry I Called You a Terrible Mom
A couple days ago, I wrote a piece about Michelle Gregg and the Cincinnati Zoo gorilla, Harambe, who was shot and killed as the result of a terrible situation gone out of control. A 4-year-old boy dodged out of his mother’s sight and found his way into the gorilla enclosure. Meanwhile his mom watched helplessly as the animal dragged the toddler around the moat like a rag doll. I can only imagine what hell that must have been.
We’ve all made mistakes and had situations with our children escalate or get out of hand in a matter of seconds. These are moments that we all wish we could change but we simply cannot. These accidents happen and all we can do is learn from them and pray we survive them.
Myself, I’ve had a 3-month-old roll off the changing table, when I turned my head for a split second to see why her 2-year-old sister was screaming bloody murder. We ended up in the ER and she was fine but I still feel terrible guilt over that.
I know toddlers are like tiny Houdinis and quite frequently bolt for doors, down streets and try to get out of your reach; most often as some sort of game. There is a unique pleasure that toddlers find in things that happen to terrify their parents. They don’t have rational thoughts so what they see as great fun, a game of tag with mommy or daddy, we find as absolutely horrific because we are acutely aware of all the things that could go wrong. That’s why we are responsible for keeping them safe. Parenting is hard work.
I remember once my 2-year-old daughter bolted off down our Cul de Sac when I was 9 months pregnant with her sister. I was terrified. I chased her down, praying all the while that she wouldn’t dart out into the road. The entire time she was looking back at me smiling, giggling and laughing. She thought it was a game. All I could think was, “Dear God, please don’t let this little person who I love more than life itself get hit by a car!” So I smiled back, using my sweet mommy voice (as not to spook her) while I was panicking inside. So see, I do understand how these things happen.
When I wrote the piece, I was very upset that the child was hurt in what appeared to be such a senseless and preventable situation and I was upset that the Cincinnati Zoo gorilla had to be put down due to human error. I lashed out in my piece. I became harsh and judgmental in my words and I shouldn’t have because the person I was putting all the blame on is only human. She is a mom I know what a labor of multitasking, exhaustion and complete love motherhood is.
I wrote the piece too early, with not enough information. While I did do my research, there was still not enough helpful information available at the time of publication for me to accurately write about the situation. It’s not an excuse but, anyone who has ever read this blog, knows that I do tend to react immediately while my emotions are still running high. It’s how I process things. It’s also why I am a blogger and not a journalist.

Here are a few facts about Michelle Gregg I didn’t know when I wrote the original post.
I know now from further investigating that Michelle Gregg only turned for a second and was being distracted by another of her crying children who needed her attention. She tried to go over the enclosure herself to rescue the boy but was warned by zoo officials that it would only cause the gorilla to become more aggressive. When the boy told her he was going to go into the enclosure, she told him no but when he saw his chance to get into the enclosure, he took it.
I always believed that the gorilla had to be put down in order to secure the child’s safety. That’s a no brainer, a human child’s life always holds more value than an animal’s life. I have two daughters and nothing has more value to me in the world than their lives. I’m certain that had it been my own daughter, there is nothing I wouldn’t have done to insure her safety. I’m fairly positive that I would have been down in the enclosure myself because I tend to react first and think about the consequences later.
I was very disappointed that more wasn’t done to help the child and mother before the toddler got into the enclosure. I know that some people did try to help but said they couldn’t get to the child in time but it just reminded me that we live in a world where people don’t necessarily try to help others, even when they see it happening because it might be an inconvenience. What happened to it takes a village?
I’ve been in situations where I have seen a stranger’s child heading towards danger, not to this degree obviously, but about to run into a parking lot or get fingers smashed in a door and I always try to stop the child from getting hurt because how the hell could I just watch something like that happen, especially as a mother, myself? But we live in a world where sometimes when I help, the parent gives me a dirty look because I spoke to their child, completely disregarding the reasoning behind it. People just don’t go out of their way to help their fellow people like they used to.
I have no super powers and sit on no throne ( as many of my commenters facetiously stated). I don’t think that my mothering choices are beyond reproach. I’m just a mom trying to raise my children the best way that I know how. I don’t normally make a habit out of judging other moms. Generally, I believe parents should parent however is best suited for their family.
After initially hearing that the child had told his mom that he wanted to go into the enclosure several times before hearing her side of it, I felt like the mom could have saved herself a lot of pain by just taking his warnings more seriously and locking him down; stroller, hand holding, handing off to another adult or whatever. I now know that a willful 4-year-old is going to do what he wants to do if given the chance.
It’s easy for me to say what I would have done because I am not the one who suffered the ramifications of this momentary lapse in judgement. I’m sure Michelle Gregg will feel terrible about this for the rest of her life and every time she looks into her sweet boy’s eyes she will be thankful that he is alive and acutely aware that things could’ve ended much differently.
Toddlers are quick and fearless. No matter how hard we try to be the best moms to our children, sometimes bad stuff still happens. Anyone who has ever read this blog knows that I am flawed and have made a shiton of mistakes in motherhood. In fact, that was the entire premise of this blog in the beginning.
I judged another mom harshly because I didn’t agree with her parenting choice. I had a knee-jerk reaction and I condemned a woman for making a one-time error in judgement.
I’m sorry Michelle Gregg, you’re not a terrible mom; you’re just a human, like the rest of us.

2016/05/31
Donald Trump Will Destroy Our America
Donald Trump’s Republican National Convention Nomination acceptance speech was about 79 minutes too long. That man with the Oompa Loompa skin tone and crazy road kill hair has got the floor and the Republican nomination. This horrible joke has gone too damn far. I took me 2 days to watch it because I was so flabbergasted by the words coming out of his mouth, I had to keep pausing and digesting. They were more outlandish than I ever could have imagined and, quite frankly, terrified me.
You know that old Jeff Foxworthy skit, “You Might be a Redneck”? Well, if the thought of Donald Trump being the president of your United States doesn’t frighten you to your core, then you might be a racist. He’s already successfully built a wall, he has divided the United States; the sane from the insane, the love from the hate, those of us who respect all human life equally and those of us who do not.
He wants to keep people out. He’s all about shutting out refugees seeking shelter from other governments and political asylum. But where will those of us who can’t live under his tyrannical regime flee to when our complacency allows this buffoon to take office? Who will take our poor wretched and hungry?
I can’t even watch him talk. Every smirk is so condescending. Is it just me or has Donald Trump actually assumed the identity of his SNL caricature? He is so unpredictable and outrageous, he has given the seedy underbelly of the American People carte blanche to be as hateful and prejudiced as they want to be and that makes him the most dangerous man alive today.
Donald Trump has shown us who he is since he began campaigning. He has made no excuses for his misogynist, bigoted, racist and xenophobic ways. He has embraced them. Why don’t we believe him when he tells us who he is? Why do we not take him seriously? This is how the second Hitler will end up in the Oval office. This is how we set the hands of time back 100 years. This is how we undo progress and to be quite honest, I’m pretty sure that this could be the way the dinosaurs died. What I mean is that Donald Trump is the end of society, tolerance and human respect and dignity. He Is the breathing embodiment of pure hatred.
Donald Trump is a weird dude, with tiny jazz hands that makes funny faces and has crazy hair but make no mistake, he is no joke. He is just dangerous enough to destroy this country and take all of us with him. How can you not see that?
I watched his RNC nomination acceptance speech and it was disturbing and duplicitous. The man has two sides to his face and he is talking out of both of them. He is scrambling to kowtow to his voters by using terms like “Make America One Again” and “Make America Great Again.” The only problem is that when he says “One” I think he means white and when he says “GREAT” he’s implying that currently it is not. He fancies himself the great white hope and he certainly is not, not in my America. He terrifies me.
Here are a few Donald Trump quotes from his acceptance speech,
“Together we will lead our country back to safety, prosperity and peace”
He says this with a straight face as he is actively inciting hatred and separation.
“We will be a country of generosity and warmth but we will also be a country of law and order.”
Purge anyone? Lynching? Build a wall. Jazz hands. Cha cha cha. If you are not reading between the lines, you are blind.
“Safety will be restored.”
“We cannot afford to be so politically correct anymore”
Code for let’s all be openly racist, misogynistic, bigoted and xenophile assholes. Genocide, anyone?
“There will be no lies. We will honor the American people with the TRUTH and nothing else.”
When the crowd went wild chanting “USA” as if they were at a Nazi Party youth rally, Donald Trump did his best impression of my grandma doing the running man challenge. I half expected him to raise a hand in the air for his idol Hitler and wave it around like he just didn’t care. Because he doesn’t. Donald Trump cares about no one other than Donald Trump.
“Nearly 180,000 illegal immigrants with criminal records ordered deported from our country are tonight roaming free to threaten peaceful citizens.”
Is it just me or did you hear a banjo playing softly in the background too? Boy, you sure do have a purty mouth. Why does he hate brown people so much? What have we ever done to him? Latinos are to Trump what the Jews were to Hitler. Do you know how scary that is to me as a Latina?
“The number of new illegal immigrant families who’ve crossed the border this year already exceeds the entire total from 2015. They are being released by the 10s of thousands with no regard for the impact of public safety or resources.”
The crowd of racists goes wild chanting..build that wall (the mein fuhrer is silent but it’s there). THEY? We here you Mr. Trump and we know exactly what you mean when you say they!
Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth a little bit. What’s with the teeth sucking? Also, now he brings up one immigrant who murdered a woman newly graduated from college. Dirty immigrant murders beautiful Caucasian with 4.0 GPA, of course, because we’re all criminals and they’re all perfect. Because the borders are open.
Then he goes on to quote numbers of unemployed African Americans and Latinos, basically referring to POC as a scourge on American society. This man has something against anyone a darker shade than paper white.
Trump keeps talking about how he’s going to “fix that” but doesn’t tell us how because it’s not that simple, if it were doesn’t he think one of the previous presidents would have tried to wish or pray it away?
“This is the legacy of Hilary Clinton; death, destruction, terrorism and weakness”
He can point out all the problems but he has no real solution. What’s the solution? Give me a plan that doesn’t entail just building a wall and bad mouthing Hilary Clinton and President Obama.
“Our plan will put America first!”
America is code for white people, you know that right?
“The American People will come first, once again!”
“My plan with safety at home which means safe neighborhoods, secure borders and protection from terrorism. There can be no prosperity without law and order.”
Now he thinks he’s Wyatt Earp and this is the old west. He wants to blow people up if he isn’t locking them out. He is all about the guns and all about law and order. He is also about being a dictator and anyone who doesn’t see that is willfully blind and ignorant.
“Every day I wake up determined to deliver a better life for the people all across this nation that have been ignored, neglected and abandoned.”
Oh he’s talking about the white America who blames loss of jobs on immigrant workers who’ve taken their jobs.
“These are the forgotten men and women of our country…but they’re not going to be forgotten long. These are people who work hard but no longer have a voice. I am your voice.”
1% meet 99% and if you think he’s going to be “your” voice, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. This man cannot be anyone’s voice. How can he represent a people, an America, that he is so far out of touch with?
He spent most of his speech bad mouthing Hilary Clinton. That was his platform. He didn’t speak about how he was going to make America great while in office. He had no plan just wishes and pandering.
“The powerful can no longer beat up on people who cannot defend themselves.”
Isn’t he one of the powerful doing the beating up?
“Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it!” Narcissist much?
“An attack on law enforcement is an attack on all Americans!”
Yet, he fails to mention what instigated the entire domino effect. Racist cops with itchy trigger fingers in a country who loves it guns more than its children. He made no comment on the senseless deaths by guns only on the attack in Dallas on cops.
He’s dubbed himself the law and order candidate and when I see all of his supporters clapping with shit eating grins on their faces, I just imagine some macabre scene out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and instead of those creepy family members standing around clapping while grandpa tried to bash in that girl’s head with a cattle hammer, Trump’s “Americans” are clapping and smiling as they have their purge night against all the minorities in this country.
“Only weeks ago, in Orlando Florida, 49 wonderful Americans were savagely murdered by an Islamic terrorist.”
Every time he even tries to say the word LGBTQ out loud, it sounds like it’s getting caught up in his mouth. Is it just me or do you feel like there are a lot of words unspoken in Mr. Trumps speech. I am reading between the lines (I’m picking up what he’s throwing down) and it isn’t good for any of us. He’s fear mongering. Look at all the bad shit that’s happened to us, want it to happen again? Build a wall. Law and order. But he never explains how he proposes to get from chaos to his coveted law and order.
“This time they targeted LGBTQ community and no good. We’re gonna stop it.” Who writes his speeches, a 9-year-old boy? Whoever it is, he should fire them immediately. As the crowd chants, “Help is on its way!”
We’re supposed to believe he’s the white knight to save us all?
“We must immediately suspend immigration from any nation that has been compromised by terrorism until such time as proven vetting mechanisms have been put in place, we don’t want them in our country!”
Them and they are code words for people of color.
“I only want to allow individuals who will support our values and love our people. Anyone who endorses violence, hatred or oppression is not welcome in our country and never ever will be.”
“Americans will finally wake up in a country where the laws of the United States are enforced.”
“Americans want relief from uncontrolled immigration, which is what we have now. Communities want relief.”
“It is time to show the world that America is back. Bigger, better and stronger than ever before.”
If none of this scares you, you are not paying attention. If Donald Trump gets into office, he will break America. Make no mistake, he is dangerous. This is not a joke. He will destroy the American we love.
Even if you don’t love Hilary Clinton personally, is it worth not voting or voting Republican and bringing into office the next Hitler? You have to stand up for your America and for your children and do what’s right. Do we want to be the nation that becomes the cautionary tale? No , we don’t!
Vote like your life depends on it, because it just might this time around.
Register to vote here.
Do you love him or hate him? Why?
What are your thoughts on Donald Trump as our next President?

2016/07/25
Why Assuming is a Bad Idea
Ever wonder where the old adage about why assuming is a bad idea came from? I like to think of myself of as being open-minded yet, a tad cynical. I feel it’s what gives me my “scrappiness”. I’m not doe-eyed and I’ve always been skeptical, just a little bit. I never trust anything 100% because that’s when we make an ass out of me and sometimes you.
Anyways, I must be getting soft in my old age because I forgot my own wisdom and made an assumption about someone. I was wrong. I was very wrong but it reminded me of something, never judge a book by its cover. Get to know the story first.
It also reminded me that you never know what’s going on in someone’s life at any given moment. So that sour puss they are sporting, the one you are judging them for, it may be the best the could muster on this day. Maybe their dog just died. Maybe they just found out they have cancer. Maybe they really need to go to the bathroom and you are what’s standing between them and a bowel accident of epic proportions. The thing is we never know, do we? Bear all of this in mind, when I share the story that reminded me to always get to know the story behind someone. It’s seldom easy and never black and white, so stop judging and dole out a little more kindness and understanding.
There is an elderly gentleman in our neighborhood, who for the better of the past 5 years that I’ve lived in this house, has walked the trails behind our home. I see this man on a daily basis more than I see almost anyone else. He is constantly walking.
Over the years, he has lost weight and gotten in shape. He has smiling eyes and always says hello. He just walks, all year round. Headphones on, head down, walking for infinity.
I won’t lie, somehow from his smiling eyes, stoic determination, and gentle face, I made the leap ( the assumption) that he was most likely an elderly man who had fallen on ill health and rather than give up, he was determined to be in peak physical health. I imagined him beating cancer, heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and just about any physical ailment that a man his age might be encountering.
In a way, he inspired me. I saw him walking when I was dealing with my own health issues and he inspired me to get hold of myself. I mean if a man at least 30 years my senior could be so dedicated to his cause, I could at least put forth an effort and so, I did and it worked. I’m healthy.
But you know, I never had a real conversation with this man. I talk to a lot of my neighbors but he is always walking and I know how hard it is to stay motivated to work out so I didn’t want to interrupt his groove. I had this whole idea of him that I looked up to. I’d see him from my kitchen window as I washed the dishes or from the laundry room and think to myself, Get it Grandpa! Then, I found out the truth.
One day while talking to another neighbor, who has lived here for many years longer than I have, this elderly man with the smiling eyes walked past and waved to her. She, around his same age, waved back but in an almost annoyed way. I was curious.
I said, “Wow! That guy walks a lot! He must be the healthiest man in the neighborhood. I wish I could be as dedicated to working out as he is. Did something happen to him?”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Did he have a heart attack or something? I see him walking constantly, all day long. I assumed he had some kind of health scare that caused the inspiration to walk constantly.”
“Nope, He didn’t have a heart attack. Nothing is wrong with him except he is a drunk!”
Not what I expected, at all. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve known him for many years. He used to be a fall down drunk. Now, he’s a walking drunk. He drinks so much that he gets sloppy and falls into bushes and talks too much to the neighbors. My husband ( a sheriff) has found him in our bushes many times and taken him home.”
Aghast, “WHAT?”
“Yeah, his wife wouldn’t tolerate it anymore so now, he drinks until he’s drunk. Walks it off. Drinks some more and then walks it off. This is what he does all day long. Drinks and walks.”
WTF?? Talk about missing the mark. I was so far off the mark; I wasn’t even on the right continent. I have to admit, I am somewhat disappointed. He’s not an inspiration; he’s just trying to make the best of his shitty situation which when you think about it, isn’t that all any of us is really doing?
Maybe he is an inspiration after all. Obviously, not in the traditional sense. I won’t be joining his workout program anytime soon or anything but he’s making lemon drops out of his lemons and that’s something, right? But it was a gentle reminder, it doesn’t help to make assumptions about other people, good or otherwise, just let the story unfold an get to know people and their stories for what they are not for what you imagine or expect them to be.
2018/03/06
Graduating Member of the Class of We Made It
A friend posted a link to Shane Koyczan’s To This Day Project video (above) about bullying. I don’t usually click on videos. I should have been doing so many other things. It’s the end of the month. I have deadlines. But, for some reason, I watched this video. I found myself sobbing by the end of it. It stirred something in me and forced me to face a truth about my childhood that I have tried desperately to forget. I’m not in denial but I don’t let it define me. I don’t give the past that much power over my present. I try to forget but it’s there, right beneath the surface, always with me. We all have these things pushed way, way down from our past. We push them down so that we can survive them and move past them. (more…)
2013/03/25
Talking to Your Teen about a Toxic Friend/Partner
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Welp, it finally happened. The girls have finally “dated” partners that gave me the “ick”. No, it wasn’t anything personal, or even that I could put my finger on. What it was… my mom intuition. We all have it but I’m a bit of a natural bruja and when my mommy senses start tingling, I can’t ignore it. But how do you talk to your teen when you notice red flags in their partner or bestie? You won’t always love your teens partner but try talking to your teen like an adult instead of at them.
The girls and I have always had very open, honest, close and transparent relationship and there’s nothing off limits, but I make it a practice not to bash their friends and partners. My girls consider me a friend so I don’t want to switch gears and go all dictator on them. It’s their choice but I’m their mom so I can’t ignore obvious red flags that they may be blind to due to inexperience, the love bubble or an onslaught of love bombing.
Fellow parents in the trenches of parenthood, are you ready to tackle a conversation that can feel trickier than parallel parking after a tequila tasting? I’m referring to talking to your teen about a friend or partner who raises your red flags.
Let’s face it, our teens are navigating the social jungle, and sometimes, they pick up companions who make us want to grab a metaphorical hairbrush and untangle the mess. But before you launch into a full-on “they’re-not-good-enough-for-you” tirade (trust me, been there, done that, resulted in slammed doors and epic eye rolls), let’s pause, take a deep breath, and approach this with the finesse of a seasoned diplomat.
Why the Worries? Buckle Up, Buttercup, Here Comes the Truth:
As parents, we have this built-in radar that goes off when something feels off with our kids. Maybe it’s the way their “friend” manipulates them, constantly needs rescuing, or leaves them feeling drained and down. Or perhaps it’s the partner who exhibits controlling behavior, puts them down, or makes them question their worth. Whatever the reason, our mama and papa bear instincts kick in, and we want to shield our precious offspring from harm.
The Tightrope Walk: Navigating the Conversation Minefield:
Here’s the thing: direct attacks rarely work. Calling someone names or forbidding the relationship altogether might push your teen further away and make them even more defensive. Instead, we need to be strategic ninjas, wielding the power of communication and empathy.
Step 1: Become a Listening Ear, Not a Judgmental Judge:
First, create a safe space for your teen to talk. Let them know you’re concerned, but avoid accusatory language. Phrases like “I’ve noticed you seem different lately” or “I’m curious about this friendship/relationship” can open the door to honest conversation.
Step 2: Ask Open-Ended Questions, Not Leading Ones:
Instead of planting seeds of doubt with questions like “Do you think they’re a good influence?”, encourage critical thinking with prompts like “How does this relationship make you feel?” or “What are your concerns about this person?”
Step 3: Validate Their Feelings, Even the Ones You Disagree With:
Remember, your teen is experiencing this relationship firsthand. Even if you don’t like the person, acknowledge their feelings by saying things like “It sounds like you care about them” or “I understand why this is challenging.”
Step 4: Share Your Observations (But Gently):
Once you’ve established a safe space, you can cautiously share your concerns. Focus on specific behaviors, not personal attacks. For example, instead of saying “They’re manipulative,” you could say “I’ve noticed they tend to guilt you into doing things you don’t want to do.”
Step 5: Empower Them, Don’t Dictate:
Ultimately, the decision is up to your teen. You can offer guidance and support, but avoid ultimatums or threats. Encourage them to trust their gut, set healthy boundaries, and know that you’re there for them no matter what.
Remember: This may not be a one-time conversation. Be patient, supportive, and offer a listening ear whenever they need it.
Bonus Tip: Lead by example! Build healthy relationships in your own life and model the kind of love and respect you want your teen to experience.
The Takeaway:
Talking to your teen about a questionable friend or partner can be tricky, but it’s an important conversation to have. By approaching it with empathy, open communication, and a focus on healthy relationships, you can empower your teen to make wise choices and navigate the complexities of their social world. Honestly, the relationship I have with my girls is the most important thing ever so I will do whatever it takes to keep them safe and happy but, at the same time, our relationship is one built on trust, respect and unconditional love so I have to keep it real with them. Also, you are not always going to love who your ten choses to spend their time with or invest their love into but when you see them headed for danger, you should try to talk to them in a way that respects them as young adults.
Now, onto you, fellow warriors! What are your tips for communicating with your teens about tough topics? Share your experiences and advice in the comments below!
P.S. Remember, taking care of yourself is crucial when navigating the sometimes-turbulent waters of parenthood. So, do something small for yourself today – take a walk, read a book, or indulge in your favorite dessert. You deserve it
2024/02/26