The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Mommy Brain~ When Your Vagina gets the Fa-La-La-La-La-La-La-La-Lah
We’ve all heard of Mommy brain, right? You know that condition that makes everything foggy, forgotten and not quite sure if it’s really happening, supposed to be happening or already happened? Yeah, that’s Mommy brain. Hell, I’d bet my reminder list that most of us are in the throes of it at this very moment. Me, I’m convinced that I am probably on the verge of a full-blown case of sun-downers of the Mommy Kind. Shark week and a severe case of mommy brain seem to be co-existing in my life right now, running rampant if you will. I am not exaggerating when I say that if it weren’t for my head being attached, I’d have misplaced it by now. I have had some pretty near misses while experiencing my advanced stage of Mommy brain but some experiences stand out above and beyond the others in the humiliation department. Like this one…
Oh Mommy brain, why have you forsaken me?
It was a cold day in January and I had an OB/GYN check up. I was at that point in my pregnancy where I couldn’t see my feet. Let’s be honest, I couldn’t see anything south of the topside of my burgeoning belly swell. Who knows what the hell was going on south of that border? But I had a check up, nonetheless, and there was no way I was going in for it without a little landscaping down below beforehand. I refused to look like I had a chia pet in a headlock. It wasn’t happening.
I stepped into the shower and almost immediately; I was trying to lift my belly out of the way, to just be able to catch a small glimpse of my lady bits. Oh ,my poor lady bits I don’t think I’d actually seen them since conception. All I could do was feel my way. Scratch. Bump. Crease. Opening. Labia. Clitoris. Baby. I’m making a mental note of the lay of the land, as I go. After much panting, praying and contorting, I started the near impossible task. This was a dangerous endeavor, to say the least. I’m no Helen Keller. I’d never done this before. There was a huge chance that some very important parts of me could be permanently severed and left behind to circle the drain. *Holy Mary, Mother of God, Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death* Hour of our death? Yes, this could have been at any moment. Can you imagine the amount of blood loss one could suffer if I she severed a lip? That thing’s attached for a reason. Sure it may look like it’s coming detached but damn it, it’s not.
Mommy brain, note to self..no lip left behind
An hour later the deed was done. I grabbed the mirror and when I lifted my belly, what was revealed to me looked very similar to a teenager trying to grow his first beard. Patchy with tufts of what looked like tiny Fu Manchu’s scattered all throughout my groin region. And not the tiny Fu Manchu’s that you might see on some hipster band mates, no these were the scary tiny Fu Manchu’s that you might see on a little person Kung Fu Master with a bad attitude and one eye. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I returned to the bowels of shower hell and after much effort on my part and a mirror that perpetually steamed up; I, finally, got the job done an hour and one freezing shower later.
I was so proud of myself. I was going to walk into that appointment, drop trough, and show that handsome OB/GYN the most impressively landscaped vagina he’d ever seen on a woman that far into her pregnancy. Of that, I was certain. But wait; let’s take it to the next level. Why stop at just pretty? I grabbed the feminine hygiene spray and after a quick once over, I was not only impeccably groomed but I KNEW I smelled like a beautiful summer’s day. I got this.
After the exam was done, my doctor looks up at me and says, “Everything looks great and (with a knowing smile and a wink) very festive.” What the F*ck? That was inappropriate but I was a over cooked, over stuffed, waddling pregnant Godzilla in need of some extra attention. Hey, Big pregnant Girls need love too. Of course, I had no idea what he was referring to until I returned home. After a quick look in the mirror, to my utter surprise, what I thought was feminine hygiene spray was actually my 2 year olds Christmas themed Barbie spray. Yes folks, festive indeed. My hairless Chihuahua was now covered with green sparkly glitter spray. Nothing says Happy Holidays like a freshly decorated vagina.

*P.S. My birthday is next Saturday (9/25) and I would LOVE to reach 1000 blog followers via GFC by then. MY damn GFC was actually not working most of the past year so if you loved this story, or you just love The TRUTH about Motherhood please consider clicking the GFC box and following me! Thanks. XO Debi
This is your vagina on Mommy brain
2011/09/14
The Greatest Mother’s Day Gift Ever
Moms will tell you they want nothing for Mother’s Day. Some will tell you that you are enough. Your cute little faces and your sticky little hands. She means it, for about an hour Mother’s Day morning while you are serving her breakfast in bed and handing her sweet homemade gifts. They really are the best Mother’s Day gifts of all; tiny handprints and papier Mache flowers made with love and baby spit add to it a sweetly scribbled I love you by your little one and you are mommy mush.
But that’s not what she really wants. What every mother wants for Mother’s Day is the day off. No cleaning. No dishes. No laundry. No cooking. No obligations.
Quite frankly, the best Mother’s Day gift is the day off from mom duty.
Don’t take it personally. It’s not you, it’s us. Just kidding, it’ you.
Being a mom is amazing. I love being a mom 364 days a year. Ok, maybe it’s more like 355 days a year but I need days off people. Even the janitor gets 2 days off a week.
But most moms are too afraid to say it out loud because they don’t want to offend anyone, least of all aforementioned children and the man who helped make this dream of motherhood come true. But if I’m being completely honest, and I am speaking on behalf of 99.9% of the moms (I know because I took an unofficial poll of moms drinking wine and dropping truth bombs) we all want the day off.
I want to sleep in until I wake up. Then by all means, please bring me a hot breakfast in bed with milky hot coffee. Spoiler alert, mommy does not like cold food. I never have, baby. To be honest, cold food is kind of disgusting. I’d rather not eat at all. I’ve been faking it for years.
I don’t want to do anything. I want no obligations. I want to move freely in the world with no one tethered to my side. I want to play the music I want to hear at the degree of loudness I want to listen to it and I want to dance without you looking at me like I’m a weirdo.
I want to watch whatever R rated movie or mind-numbing television I want to watch with no regard for what you want to do. I want to take a long, hot bath with no one knocking on the door or hearing bickering children. I want more out of life than an unlocked, half-open bathroom door where I take a semi-private timed race piss. I want privacy.
I want time to be able to fix my hair, put on my makeup, iron my clothes and get ready without having to be somewhere. I don’t want to get ready while you rush me because I need to taxi you someplace I never wanted to go in the first place. And no, your obnoxious friend who never shuts up and is entirely too loud cannot come over today. No child that hasn’t sprung from my vagina cannot be in my house on Mother’s Day. Go bother your own mom.
I don’t want to have to break up any sibling fights. Suffer the wrath of any rolling eyeballs or be subjected to listening to endless hours of you. On this one sacred day, can it please be about me? For the love of God, can I eat strawberry ice cream? You are probably wondering what the hell I mean by this.
It has come to my attention recently that my favorite ice cream is fresh strawberry ice cream. However, fresh strawberry ice cream will never be found in my house. Want to know why? Because my children don’t like strawberry ice cream and apparently, I live my life around their happiness and forget about my own. Well, not today suckers! I am eating strawberry ice cream while drinking vodka and watching a Fifty Shades of Gray marathon. Just kidding, no fucking way am I wasting my day off watching a movie whose book reads like it was written by an illiterate teenager.
Mostly, I want to have choices to do what I want to do, free of the influence of what everyone else around me wants to do. I think all moms deserve a day off to spend however they want to without guilt or retribution. If she wants to spend it with you, she’ll call you. You don’t have to call her.
I won’t lie, I am pretty lucky. The Big Guy figured me out around my 3rd Mother’s Day. He came in and said, don’t lift a finger. I’ll take care of everything. Take the day off. And that’s when I decided he’s never getting rid of me. We are lobsters. I’m never taking my claws off him. This man gets me.
So if you think taking mom to brunch and making her hang out with the kids all day is what mother’s day is all about, you have missed the memo. We get it. We’re moms. We do it every single day. If you want to make things special. Take the kids to the park or the movies and give mom time to relax and think, maybe catch up on her favorite binge-watching a show or take that long hot bath with her 80’s music blaring. Give her time to miss you and appreciate the kids. Hell, go crazy take them away for the weekend. Come back on Sunday for the celebration.
If you’re looking for something at a gift shop to give us and want to throw some chocolates and diamonds at us, or if you’re planning to pick up flowers from a florist, we don’t mind. Those are the cherries on top of motherhood. But what we really want is the day off to do what we want. Think of it this way dads, on Father’s day, you probably don’t spend the day at home being held, hostage. Most dad’s get the day to go golfing using this overhead mounted monitor like all men like to do without kids. Why is that? Because sometimes you just want to feel like a human and not just someone’s parent. Well, we moms…we feel the same way.
Don’t get me wrong, we love those little people we created (probably more than you, if we’re being honest. After all, we’ve been known to horde teeth and umbilical cords. Some of us have even sucked snot out of babies noses and masticated their food. (not me of course. I’d never do that to food. Besides babies don’t eat cucumbers 😉 ) The thing is all good things in moderation.
We will happily accept your gifts and your notes but know, what we really want is peace and permission to be ourselves; a day to exhale. I guess what I’m really trying to say is just give mom a lot of love and a little space this Mother’s Day.
But in all seriousness, be kind to all the moms you know; yours, the mother of your children, your friends who are pregnant and even those desperately struggling to become pregnant and especially those moms who have lost babies and those who have lost their moms. And really, be kind to your mom every day, once a year is not nearly enough to show ample affection for the woman who gave you life.
What’s the best Mother’s Day gift you ever received and what’s at the top of your list?
P.S. I Love you, mom.
! Happy Mother’s Day!
2018/05/11
How Mom 2.0 Summit Renewed my Faith in Blogging and Myself
Today is my 9^th blogging anniversary. I can’t believe the TRUTH about Motherhood was started when my baby was only 1-year-old. Where did the time go? Seems like just yesterday that I was writing under the pseudonym Truthful Mommy and you were all my lifeline. I wrote the stories but you guys were definitely my phone a friend. Thank you for being on this fantastic journey with me.
I’m just back from the Mom 2.0 Summit and still really high on all the energy and people that I just spent the last week soaking in. I networked with a lot of solid brands that I love and are a good organic fit for me. I got to rub elbows with the likes of Kristen Bell, Debbie Allen and Brene Brown. I learned so much at the most amazing sessions. Even after almost a decade of blogging, I am still learning. Most importantly, I had the opportunity to connect and reconnect with all my friends who live in my computer.
If you’re a blogger, you know exactly what I mean. If you are not and you actually get out in the world at a time in history when most of us communicate through our tech devices, bravo for you because you are one of the lucky ones. The thing is I’ve made friends who’ve virtually held my hands through some of the toughest and happiest moments of my life and we’ve never met face to face. Things get lost in translation when you are communicating online. There is no tone.
READ ALSO: This Blogger’s Life, Vera Sweeney
However, when you meet someone that’s been there for you and vice versa for almost a decade the transition is almost seamless. I got to meet some friends for the first time ever. I got to hug people who I haven’t seen in at least a year and some even longer (too many to mention but you know who you are and I love you all so much) and I finally got to meet a couple of my blogging heroes, women who write from the heart and put it all on the line.
I met quite a few new bloggers who I’d never read before but now I will because of the amazing conversations we had in the hallways, elevators, the pub and restrooms. I have to say, the IRL interactions with all of these women are what blogging is all about. I even finally got to drive the KIA Stinger and I may, or may not, have gotten In & Out.
But one of the most unexpected exchanges that happened at Mom 2.0 Summit came out of nowhere and bowled me over. It came from one of my former editors and it was as unexpected as a blow to the head at a church service.
As a writer sometimes (a lot of the time) it feels like you are sending your thoughts out into the abyss. You are never quite sure anyone is reading and if they are, you often wonder are they actually seeing you; understanding the meaning of the words you are writing. Sometimes I feel like I’m writing in a foreign language.
For me, writing is fulfilling on a deeper level than most other things and it is truly how I process life. It’s my medium and when you open your soul and share your story, you hope that someone (anyone) is reading and it means something to them. In a lot of ways writing is like motherhood, it is beautiful and soul filling but at the same time, it is often thankless.
I spend most of the time feeling like a failure at what I do and the other half feeling like an imposter. Since people have stopped commenting on blogs like they used to, it really feels like I am shouting out into the nothingness. Some days I wonder why I’m doing this. Then, I remember it is not about other people, it’s about getting my thoughts down and preserving these moments for my daughters. Still, it’s always nice to feel like your words helped someone, even if it is just by making them laugh or giving them the solace of knowing they are not alone.
The thing is this editor came up to me during the party after the IRIS awards. I was standing there in a room full of winners feeling like a giant loser. I was tired and jetlagged and was seriously considering sneaking away but I stayed because the only thing worse than Imposter syndrome is FOMO. I often feel like I need to make my exit before I’m revealed as the imposter that I am.
Anyways, this woman who is a phenomenal editor (who edits amazing writers every day) came up to me and told me that it was a privilege and honor to have edited my stories. How these are the moments that made her work feel worthwhile. I was stunned.
She said more but I don’t remember the exact words as I was crying like a baby next to the dance floor because her words moved me. In those few moments, she validated me and made me feel like I was heard and I belonged. I don’t know if she knew how much her words meant to me. I’m not sure that she can.
I tried to convey it, as I stood there with my face melting off as I cried through my contouring but words seemed too small when such a big gesture had been made.
You see, for the past year, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by the backend of blogging. I think many of us are. All that I’ve ever wanted to do was write. Write my stories free of worry about all the things like SEO, keywords, traffic, meta tags, understanding google analytics, pinning to win, facebooking to reach the masses, having the perfect cohesive Instagram, posting at the right times on the right days and writing for the right audience.
I want to write but blogging is my business and to have the honor of doing what I love, I have to learn to do a whole lot of other things that are out of my wheelhouse. This often leaves me feeling like I am on the outside looking in because in the blogging world, traffic equals jobs. Numbers equal traffic not always considering engagement so where does that leave me? Content is no longer king, it is the queen and SEO is the King and I feel like while the queen and I are besties, the King doesn’t much care for me.
I guess the point that I’m trying to make is that after 9 years, when I was tired and feeling like giving up, feeling like the biggest imposter on the Internet, I went to this Mom 2.0 Summit and I heard all the right things from all the right people. My heart was full. My soul set on fire and my mind could clearly see the direction I need to go. I’m not quitting, I’m rebooting. I’m going back to what I love… writing from the heart.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still trying to understand the business side of all of it. I have to, it’s irresponsible not to but I’m not letting myself get overwhelmed by it. Blogging is my passion and sharing my stories with you is what fuels my soul. If just one person gets something out of my words, it is all worth it.
Hearing her words reminded me that you never know where your words are landing and how they are touching others. I’m not an imposter, I am a writer and my words deserve to be read just as much as I deserve to belong. I can’t be on the outside looking in because I am the protagonist in my story.
Here’s to being lucky enough to be writing for you in another 9 years. Thank you for reading my stories and sharing yours with me.
Here’s to many more Blogging Anniversary
2018/05/07
Throat Punch Thursday ~ Mama’s Got the Flu Edition
This Throat Punch brought to you by the FLU
Mama’s got the flu~ Unfortunately, today I am feeling way to ill to write my Throat Punch Thursday. The girls have been sick now for going on 3 weeks, previous to that, I had a sinus infection and it appears that the sickness has come around from behind and sucker punched me..just in time for the holidays. I’m not sure exactly what I have, but I suspect that it may be the flu. I woke up this morning with the cold sweats, a sick stomach and a headache. I basically woke up feeling as if I were in the end stages of death. Not pretty. I’m calling it the flu. Maybe it’s exhaustion coupled with something viral, maybe that nasty sinus infection is taking a new approach or maybe it’s the bubonic plague but I’ve not seen any large rats in the house so I’ m sticking with the flu. I hope you will forgive me for punking out on Throat Punch Thursday but I will still have the linky open and welcome all of you to link up. I can still read . I don’t feel much like thinking because at this point it makes my head hurt but I can read and leave comments. I can’t promise they will be coherent because of the fever and medicine. Hell, who am I kidding, I can’t guarantee they’ll be coherent on a good day with my damn six degrees of separation thing I’ve got going on but I’ll try!
I fought the Flu but the Flu won
I really wish I could muster the energy to be witty and snarkalicious about the CNN news today but I’ll leave the end of the Iraq war, Lindsey Lohan, the reasoning for the acquittal of Amanda Knox, the golden globes, the potential presidential candidates and apparently, the shocking news that Matthew McConaughey is currently bald ( ~~who knew?~~ who cares?) and all the rest of the world’s dumbest criminals! Have fun. Throat punch somebody this holiday season. You know you want to! All the frustration of holiday stress, this will help to relieve it!
All you have to do to link up is write a post about a situation,something or someone that you think is worthy of a throat punch. Honestly, it’s not that hard and once you start thinking about it…you’ll have more than enough worthy recipients! Then you go up here to the “buttons” tab on my blog, grab yourself a Throat Punch Thursday button and put it in your post. Then you link up. Then me & anyone who reads my blog comes and checks you out. I’ve learned from experience, the more outlandish the title..the more curious readers are, so go for broke and give me your crazy Throat Punch titles. OK, I’m getting dizzy. I’ve got to climb back into bed. One last thing, come back tomorrow..it’s fashion haul Friday and I am giving away an awesome $100 gift certificate to one lucky The TRUTH about Motherhood reader. The post is already written, so even if I die of this plague…the Big Guy has been given strict instructions to continue on with the giveaway and give one of you a prize posthumously on my behalf. I’m a giver even from beyond. Oye, I’m getting delirious.
Throat Punching the Flu on behalf of all You Good People
So link up to Throat Punch Thursday! Do it for the children! Don’t let the flu win!
2011/12/15
Blogiversary celebration Guest Post #1 ~Scary Mommy
Today, I have my first guest post blogger in a series of bloggers to help kick off my 2nd blogiversary celebration. 2 years people!OMG! ( I feel like streamers and balloons should be dropping from the bloggy ceiling right about now). I am absolutely over the moon to welcome the fabulously wonderful Jill AKA Scary Mommy to The TRUTH about Motherhood. I adore Jill for her honesty and her candor on her blog. Her tagline says An honest take on Motherhood, so she is absolutely my kind of people. If you are not already familiar with her blog, I suggest that you go and check her out and make sure that you congratulate her on her new Target deal. She’s so pretty, witty and wise that she has been selected by Target to be a part of their new Fashion Experiment . She will make you laugh and cry,sometimes both in a single post. No matter the situation, you will walk away feeling like you just had a long talk with a good girlfriend..a real mom. You know…one just like you but with a much better sense of humor. Thank you so much Jill for joining in on my Blogiversary Blogipalooza celebration!

Mothers & Daughters

Jeff and I were lazy parents last night. We stuck the kids in our bed, put on a movie and decided they could just fall asleep without teeth brushing, stories and songs.
The two of us sat on the couch together; no computers, no kids. It was nice. We talked.
Jeff told me about how sweet Lily has been with him lately.
The night before, when he tucked her in, the two of them lay side by side in her twin bed and reminisced. He told the story of the night he fell in love with her, in her lilac room in our very first house. She was a few months old and crying in her crib. He went it to console her and she looked up at him, smiled and he melted, as only a father can.
He told her of the time when he’d been away on business and came home and she was so happy to see him that she cried tears of joy as she hugged him close. She teared up and cuddled with him, remembering that feeling. They traded countless stories and laughed and dozed off together.
She’s been amazing, lately, Jeff said, his voice shaking. Fathers and daughters, I sighed.
He looked at me, expectantly.
She told me she hated me four times today, I contributed.
Mothers and daughters.

2011/05/03
And then just like that..my heart melts
Me: “Bella, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
(her standard answer used to be a teacher and a movie star, but I actually think the whole modeling ordeal has changed that a little:)
Bella: (non-nonchalantly) “Umm, a mom!”
Me: “A mom? Anything else? You can be a Mom and anything else you’d like to be when you grow up.”
Bella: “No, after college, I just want to be a normal Mom.” (WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? At least she got the Motherhood after college drilled into her head:)
Me: (I’m perplexed) ” Why do you want to be a Mom?”
Bella: “Because Moms take care of their kids and love them all the time. That’s all I want to do!”
Me:” Bella am I a normal Mom?”
Bella: “Yeah, but you work online so sometimes your not normal”
Me: DUMBFOUNDED..scared to ask what that means. But before I had the chance she told me.
Bella: “But don’t worry Mom…you always love us!”
I always do! I guess I’ve set such a shining example of Motherhood that my daughters just want to do the same. Or else, I’m doing such a pissy job of it, she wants to show me how its done. How I love my girls!
1/2 hour later
Me: “Gabi, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Gabs: “UMMMMM, ME want be a MOMMY!”
Me: “Why?”
Gabs: “Ummmm, BECAUSE! ( What she meant to say is because Bella said so)
Me: “Any other reason why?”
Gabs: ” You a Mommy!”
Me: “Yes, I am. You can be anything you want to be baby”
Gabs: “You Great Mommy!”
Ah, I always knew she was my sunshine. She brightened my day so much, she will never know what those words meant to me today.
2010/04/21
My Promise To Baby Was Made Before I Ever Met Her
What was your promise to baby?
I am partnering with JOHNSON’S® Baby and Latina Bloggers Connect to share with you avery special campaign that Johnson’s has undertaken to make moms feel safe.JOHNSON’S® Baby always listens to moms and although their products have always been safe, they took a stand and changed their formulas to give moms peace of mind.
We all make promises to our babies. From the moment we know that they exist, we make an unspoken promise to care for them and love them until the day we die. It is the single largest commitment we will ever make in our lifetimes. From the moment we hear that first heartbeat, until we draw our last breath, we promise to love our babies and keep them safe. That’s what we do as parents.
Before we ever got pregnant, I would pray to God to let me be a mother someday. I promised myself that when I had my own child, there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect her and keep her happy. Mind you, we weren’t trying at the time. We were planning to plan and I wasn’t in a hurry but I knew that I wanted to become a mother, I wanted to love someone “all in” the selfless, fulfilling way that only a mother can.
I remember each time that I found out that I was pregnant, I promised myself that I would love my baby unconditionally every day for the rest of my life. I promised myself that every moment would count because, every moment is a gift. Even if that moment has you in tears over a colicky newborn and your heart being held hostage by a toddler, those are the moments when we keep those quiet promises that we make to God and to unborn children.
From the moment that I first held my daughters, I looked into their sweet faces and remember thinking what did I do to deserve this? I don’t deserve this. This precious and perfect little person is more than I deserve. I remember feeling, for the first time in my life, that I was not the center of my universe and that I had a much greater purpose. Motherhood fulfilled me. It completed me. I believe that motherhood is my true purpose, everything else just exists comorbidly.
I promise to always love my daughters, even when I don’t necessarily like them. I promise to listen, even when I don’t like what I am hearing. I promise to always be there, no matter how dire the circumstances because I am a mother and my most important mission in life is to make sure that my babies are safe and know they are loved completely. I don’t take chances when it comes to my children. There is nothing more important in the world to me and if that means sacrifice and inconvenience, it’s all worth it to me to get the honor of being their mommy.
Thankfully, JOHNSON’S Baby always listens to moms and to give us peace of mind and eliminate any doubt of the safety of their product for our little ones, they changed the formula. They made a sacrifice so we could trust and know that our children’s health are not at risk.
The seven newly reformulated products:
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby HEAD-TO-TOE® Wash
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby Lotion
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby Shampoo
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby Shampoo & Conditioner for Thick and Curly Hair
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby Shampoo & Conditioner for Thin and Straight Hair
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby Shampoo with Calming Lavender
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby Soothing Vapor Baby Bath
This video concept was inspired by a Japanese legend that folding 1,000 origami cranes will result in a wish granted and a promise fulfilled, which is thought to be a big labor of love. Changing Johnson’s baby products was their labor of love for moms and babies. The Johnson and Johnson’s family made 1000 origami storks in their video because they represent the delivery of babies, and the hopes and promises of families. I think the sentiment behind the video is beautiful, as is every mother’s commitment to her child.
2014/07/31
Moms & Dads, Parenthood is Not a Pissing Contest!
You know how sometimes you read something and it just rubs you the wrong way? Well, this post by Stephanie Metz rubbed me the wrong way. Her sanctimommy antics have caught my attention and not in a good way. Apparently, these days, to be a good parent we are not supposed to give a shit about our kids and sit back and just let life happen to them. Do them a favor and let them learn about life the hard way because that’s the way God intended it to be.
Don’t let those entitled little snots think they are the center of your world. Life is hard and if you want to raise good citizens of the world, you have to make the hard choice and go against your maternal instinct and ignore your children’s needs, put your own needs first and to hell with what any tree hugging, baby-wearing asshole says about you. You have to do your children the favor of showing them just how hard life can be. Hey kid, you are born alone, you will die alone and I am not your mama..oh wait, I am. Anyways, don’t count on me either. I have things to do. Well, at least that is what all the anti-attachment parenting, baby bjorn burning, ferberizing people of the world might have you think.
I say if you had them, take care of them. I am not saying to put them in a damn bubble but you can’t just toss them off to the wolves as toddlers because it’s too “inconvenient” for you to have to exert yourself to raise them; to parent them; to protect them. If you didn’t want to be a parent then maybe you should have passed on the whole “having a kid” thing in the first place.
I’m not advocating that children should have their mommies and daddies do all of the heavy lifting but we have to at least teach them to stick up for themselves not just abandon them in the line of fire and hope they figure out how to bob and weave. Look, I have learned, the hard way, that kids outgrow the protective bubble so we have to teach them to live outside of our bubble of protection. We absolutely have got to give them a little space to figure out who they are and how to exist in the world when we are not there. If not we are doing them just as much of a disservice as those crazy moms who throw their kids to the metaphorical wolves. The point is we have to be present to teach them. There’s got to be a happy medium somewhere between attached at the hip, wearing a helmet and free-range, do whatever the hell you want because I can’t be bothered.
The rules of parenthood keep changing so quickly that my head is spinning. First, if you weren’t crunchy all the time, you were a shit parent. So we all ran out and bought all the organic food in pouches and cloth diapers we could find. Then it shifted and we were supposed to give our kids the freedom to be who they are. Who the fuck are they? Isn’t that part of the joint journey of parenthood and childhood to help them find out? Now, all the free-rangers turned on the helicopters and a parenting civil war ensued. So many casualties, what’s a new mom to do?
Who is she supposed to believe? Poor thing she’s standing there in a corner huddled with her newborn swaddled tightly, crying because today changing a diaper is like deciding which wire to cut; is it the blue or the red? If you’re wrong. BOOM! The whole damn thing will blow up and you’ve ruined this perfect person’s life forever. Don’t you know which diaper a kid poops in could be life altering? Bad.Parent! And now, the tide has shifted again and there has been an onslaught of mom’s shouting their battle cry at the children of the world, “YOU.Are.NOT.the.Center.of.my Universe!!!” just to prove to other mothers, and maybe to themselves, that they are more than just someone’s mommy. Look, I understand. We all begin to feel like were drowning in motherhood from time to time but I don’t think the answer is to throw our kids in the deep end and tell them to sink or swim.
My kids ARE the center of my universe and while, I am not going to fight every battle for my children I don’t think I have the stomach for watching them learn things the hard way. That’s my job, to be there to protect them and teach them how to live in the world and if all else fails, I want them to know mommy has their back.
We are better parents when we prioritize ourselves because over-exhausted and overwhelmed in martyr mode, renders us pretty much useless to everyone including our children. Everything ends up half-assed.
Sure, I miss peeing alone but I signed up for the “no pissing alone for 5-10 years zone” when I decided I wanted to be a mom. I knew kids needed my time, attention and love. What I didn’t count on was my own obsession with keeping them safe and happy. Can’t we all just get along for our kids’ sakes. Parenthood is not a pissing contest. Motherhood is YOUR journey with YOUR children.

My girls are the center of my universe because I love them enough to let them be.
2013/11/19
RAW

If you have landed here tonight looking for whimsy, snark, or a mommy truism; you may want to stop reading. No, tonight is a post for me. Sometimes you just need a post where you can get it all out of your system; where you can rage, wallow, and come out the other end a stronger, better person for surviving. That’s what this post is going to be. This is me trying not to drown. If you are a woman and you’ve ever felt swelled up, rolled, and pinched into the corner that is your life and the gravity of reality has hit you all at once like a ton of bricks, this may be a post you can relate to. If not, I am happy for you.You are dismissed…
Today, I woke up after 10 full hours of sleep. Probably the most peaceful rest I’ve had in months, truly. My sleep is about as effective and complete as my 3 year old cleaning her room.Some things may get moved around, she goes through the motions, but in the end, the effort was useless.The room is NEVER any cleaner,but there is a perceived sense of “cleaned”..but not really. Every night, I more or less pass out from exhaustion than drift off into peaceful slumber.When I do go to sleep, its that Mommy one eye open, both ears functioning like dogs, and I wake if the dog farts in another room..across the house. It’s just the way I’m built. Probably much like you. But last night was different,last night..I relaxed before bed time ( like I did before kids), I watched a movie, and a let myself “fall” into sleep. It was glorious. I always took that for granted but it really is a wonderful thing to experience. But then I woke up.

Funny thing about a full night of restful sleep.It gives your mind time to rest, relax, repair itself and, heaven forbid, in my case, think clearly. I woke up this morning and the fog had lifted off my brain.Anyone who’s followed me for any length of time, knows my story. Quick recap; The Big Guy lives in another state Sunday through Friday ( due to work location)for the past 11 months. We (myself and my two littles) live here ( due to several external factors). He comes home on Friday nights ( this is my Christmas each and every week). It is hard. Really, really hard…on all of us.But we’ve been doing it for so long that I am on autopilot most days.Basically, living for the next Friday, the month, the year when this horrible living arrangement is over.Always, looking toward the end in sight.Worst of all; I love my husband.I honestly, truly; really love my husband and more than that I like him.
But this morning, with the fog dissipated and my brain functioning at full capacity, all of the sudden reality slapped me right across the face with the force of freight train and I could no longer restrain myself from facing reality. I had to get it out.I tried to hold it in. After all,the Big Guy is in this same situation and I try not to let on how hard this is for me. I admit to having a mini meltdown every 3 months or so, but this was like nothing I’ve ever felt. It was overwhelming, raw pain. It was like losing someone, or something and then I realized..I am. We are being robbed of our life together. It’s NOT fair.
I guess I should tell you the whole story of this morning.I woke up fine and then, I realized it was Sunday ( which means the Big Guy is leaving..again) which normally leaves me with a knot in the pit of my stomach but today it was like somebody stabbed me in the chest. At that very moment, I was making breakfast for the girls who have decided that they are going to refuse me everything I offer them, at least three times. And that is what cracked me. I started to tear up, I couldn’t eat because I couldn’t swallow anything with that giant lump in my throat and I walked away so the girls wouldn’t see. My emotions were overwhelming me.I was drowning.
Then lunch rolled around, I served the girls lunch..same thing.They didn’t like what it was, why did I give them this;I should know better; and they both refused again. To which, the weight was too much and I broke. I started to cry this time, part anger; part despair; part frustration. Then I went to the bathroom and I cried for what seemed like forever but I think it was more like 45 minutes.Every time, I thought I was done I’d remember one more piece of shit that was piled on my plate. Finally, I pulled it together enough to come out of the bathroom.The Big Guy was concerned and checking on me, I think he thought I was trying to escape down the toilet bowl. I felt as though I had some catharsis, crying my heart out..there in my desperately needing to be cleaned bathroom. Then I came out.
He had sent the girls to their rooms and the Big Guy was helping me take down the Christmas tree in silence and then I opened my mouth to speak. My heart was heavy, so heavy that I felt as though trying to force the words out of my mouth might choke me to death but I had to do it. He stood there in silence and listened as I fought for my life. I told him how I have no one to talk to and I’m all alone. I told him how I’ve been so busy trying to be strong for everyone else that I’ve neglected to deal with my own feelings. I opened up about how hard this is on me and the girls. How they are acting out in anger to the situation.They are hurt, they are confused. I explained how I feel like a failure as a mother because I am so tired, and so busy and always patching just to get by instead of nurturing because it’s all I can do to get by from one day to the next. I told him how I am overwhelmed by never having enough money because we are living in separate places, leading separate lives. I told home how much that bothers me. I told him how I feel like a failure at my dreams because its just one more thing that I don’t have time for. I feel like I am not utilizing my opportunities in a way I am supposed to. I see my friends, my age, achieving their goals, managing their families, making head way on their dreams…I feel like I am banging my head on a wall..a brick wall…falling short in every single category. On top of all that, the thing that I think actually made the weight too much to bear, the plans we had to be together this summer has been put on hold. We had a place to stay but now that choice is no longer an option (one of the reasons I hate putting my happiness in the hands of others). So now, the end in sight that has kept me going all these months..is gone. This was too much today. This broke me..but only for a day.
I’ve got it all off my chest,I cried, I screamed, I raged and now,I am moving on. Just one more thing I feel like a failure at, I am always positive. I am a half full type of girl. I always believe that everything is possible through hard work and determination and I truly believe that. I do, with all my heart, but my problem is I haven’t been acknowledging the situation. I’ve been so busy getting through it that I’ve not been dealing with it. This is me, feeling sorry for myself…for 24 hours, acknowledging, admitting that it is HARD, sucking it up and moving on. I will not be defeated. This situation has not broken me, as I first thought; it has bent me, it has rattled me and I will move forward stronger with an ever greater determination. I make my own success and happiness; that is what I am focusing on. I will tread water until I regain my strength to swim, but I will not drown.
Have you ever felt like you were overwhelmed in your life? In motherhood? How do you deal with it? What do you do to get over the hurdles of motherhood and life?
2011/01/10
So much bloggy love
Wow! I have been sent so much bloggy love lately that I feel like the Katherine Hepburn of blog awards. Thanks so much to all of my wonderful readers, without whom, lets face it, I’d just be annoying the crap out of my kids with all my incessant droning on. Thank you to my husband and my daughters, without whom ( as I’ve said before ) this would be a blog about nothing. Thank you so much to these lovely ladies who awarded me with these awards ( wow! That was a mouth full!) I am so appreciative that you not only thought of me, but thought my ~~writing~~ ~~life~~ blog warranted being recognized! You Ladies rock my world! Here are the lovely awards I was given over the past week and they are listed by who gave them to me.These women are great bloggers themselves and obviously have great taste ,so please hop on over and check them out. You won’t be sorry that you did!
Peryl @Parenting Ad Absurdum
awarded me the Gorgeous Blog and the Honest Scrap Award
Passing along to
My Fantabulous Wonderful Life
Love comma Ashlee
Magically Ordinary
Honest Scrap
Passing along to
Real Mommy 365 @ Real Mommy 365
How to survive the suburbs
The Ins-&-Outs of a Stay @ Home Mom and WIfe
The Brewery
The Sunshine Award Given By
: Queen Bug @ The Dysfunction of Motherhood
Ashlee @ Love Comma Ashlee
Real Mommy 365 @ Real Mommy 365
The Sunshine Award
This goes out to those bloggers who’s positivity and creativity inspires others in the blog world!
Passing along to:
Ma whats for dinner
Reflections of a Navy Wife
The Sweet Blog Award and Blog Monster award given by Real Mommy @ Real Mommy 365
Passing along to:
The Brewery
Got one past the Goalie
Jelly Belly
The Dysfunction of Motherhood
The Sweet Blog Award
This award is for the sweet and friendly blogger
The Blog Monster!
This award is for all the bloggers out there who constantly work hard to keep an updated and insightful website. They aren’t afraid to take a bite with their honest reviews and enjoyable content. You amaze me, you inspire me so I call you a blog monster.
Passing along to:
Boobies, Babies, and a blog
Parenting Ad Absurdum
My Fantabulous Wonderful Life
Organic Motherhood with Coolwhip
All I ask of the recipients is that you pass them along to some deserving candidates! Happy Mothering!
2010/05/24