I am blessed that my heart is now a stranger to separation. Life is not always what I might have wanted or even what I had expected, every minute of every day. Sometimes things are harder than I think they should be or than I ever imagined they could be. (more…)
I drove the long trip home with the test, it seemed like hours; it was only 20 minutes. Next to me, on the passenger side of the car, sat a tiny plastic bag that held a small pink box, that held the key to my future. I felt slightly nauseous and filled with trepidation, exhausted and scared. This wasn’t what I had planned. This would be a life changing surprise but one that I think I knew the answer to before it was even asked. He knew the answer. He had a feeling. I think I knew, I was just afraid to say it out loud. If I say it out loud, it will be real. I drive in my denial of silence a bit longer but this is all speculation. This tiny little box with a tiny little test could change my life forever.
My mouth was dry, it was impossible to swallow.The car was so quiet I could hear the road meeting the tires and the wind as it hit the car. I could hear the line in my forehead furrowing as I drove in deep thought. I could barely remember to breathe. I drove in solitude, completely alone. Just me. Inside my head. Alone. Well, maybe not completely alone but that was the million dollar question that the stick in the tiny little pink box was going to answer. I could hear the blood rushing to my head at a dizzying rate. I inhaled deeply. I was driving but I wasn’t seeing anything. I was on autopilot. I was exhilarated. I was terrified. This must be what it feels like when you get everything you ever wanted and didn’t realize it.
Breathe, Debi. This may not have been planned exactly but you can’t really be shocked. After all, you are a grown woman. You know how the works. You’ve had the talk…decades ago. Breathe! You may be surprised but you know how and when this happened. You made a choice. You both did.
I pull into the driveway and, as if in slow motion, I make my way into the house alone. I walk to the bathroom, remove the tiny stick from the pink box and follow the instructions. I hold my breath and I wait for my life to change and then I took three more tests, just to be sure. The first test that truly changed my life was the positive pregnancy test with my first daughter. How did you feel the first time you took a pregnancy test?
Bedtime at our house has always been a chore. I have two little girls who are, more often than not, co-sleepers. I won’t lie, I do love the cuddles and snuggles that come with having my children in bed next to me. Of course, now that they are respectively seven and four, the once adorable cuddles and snuggles are escalating into flailing arms and kicking feet, usually to my torso or face. Ouch!
We put the girls in their own room at night but some time between bedtime and dawn, one or both always finds their way into our bedroom. This almost always ends with either us pulling them into our bed with us or one of us walking half-asleep back to their room, snuggling in and staying for the duration. It’s not a bad deal but some times the Kung Fu fighting antics makes it a bit difficult to get any quality sleep for the adults. Apparently, they lose no sleep over the fact that they are sleep Kung Fu Masters.
The girls know that they are at an age now where we would prefer that they stay in bed and fall back to sleep, preferably on their own. After all, waking themselves completely up and then proceeding to wake us up provides for a not so restful sleep for any of us.
One night, my four year old ran from her room and jumped in our bed. Literally, jumped completely over me and landed between the Big Guy and I. It startled me and woke me from a dead sleep. She was crying. I asked what was wrong and her answer was , “Mommy, there were lemurs dancing around my room and jumping on my bed. They came from under my bed. I can’t sleep in there any more!!!!” So much for letting a four year old watch Madagascar.
She was very serious. I cuddled her and reassured her that there were no lemurs dancing around her room. There were no lemurs jumping on her bed. There most certainly were not any lemurs living under her bed. But, I told her just to be sure that I would spray under her bed with “Lemur spray” in the morning. She was sufficiently satisfied,cuddled into me and fell back to sleep.
You know? Lemur spray. It looks like Febreeze but it has a lemur skull and crossbones on the label and reads “Kills Lemurs dead!” No? You don’t have this at your house? We also have Chicken spray, creepy doll spray and boogie man spray. Are you sure you don’t keep some in your laundry room for just such occasions?
The next morning, I sprayed that bedroom down like Father Michael McFlannigan; blessing every nook and cranny while exorcising all rogue dancing lemurs, for good measure. I prayed and blessed and then repeated the entire process until my four year old was sufficiently satisfied that her room was lemur free.
There’s got to be an easier way to get my girls to go to sleep, stay asleep and prevent scary dreams. What do you do to alleviate the stress of scary dreams? How do you soothe your child’s irrational fears in the middle of the night?
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This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Sprout. The opinions and text are all mine. Official Sweepstakes Rules. The bedtime drama, all mine.
Being Home ~ I’m sure many of you who read this blog regularly have been wondering where the hell I have been. Life’s been incredibly busy lately. I know, you are all playing your tiny little violins and having a teenie tiny pity party for me. It’s okay. It’s been busy and chaotic but in a really wonderful way. I’m trying to get my bearings in a new reality. It’s sort of like learning to walk for the first time. I’m a bit wobbly and I’ve fallen a couple of times ( metaphorically) i.e. the missing in action status. I am here, reading your comments and missing you all desperately but it seems every time that I turn around some new and exciting situation is presenting itself .
Aside from all of the wonderful working opportunities that we have been blessed with lately, there has been a house on the market for over a year now that we desperately want to sell so that we can move out of a holding pattern and on with our lives. This past week we were informed on a Tuesday that we needed to relocate our packed boxes out of our garage and storage area in our basement and to a storage facility. Yes, we needed to move all of our stored belongings out of our $1300 a month storage unit ( the house we pay for and don’t live in) and into another storage unit (an additional $100 a month for storage, 4 days away from work, $60 for a uhaul to move the boxes and my husbands back that went out while moving the boxes). This was all done because a potential buyer couldn’t see passed the stacked boxes of our lives in the garage. This is how desperate we are to sell this house. Have I mentioned that we have been living in a bedroom at my in laws?
While we were there, I was flooded with what might have been. This is the house we moved to when Ella was 5 months old. We uprooted our entire lives so that we could raise our girls nearer to family. This is the house where Ella said her first words, learned to walk, had her first play date and celebrated every single birthday up until this year. This is the house where Abbi was conceived, came home from the hospital to, learned to roll over and crawl, say mama and got her first booboo. This is where she came home and danced in her very first pair of ballet slippers, this is the place she became a little girl. This is the house where the Big Guy got down on his knee and re-proposed, on our 11th wedding anniversary because the first time he was too nervous and just blurted it out. This house has been our home almost since we have become a family. Within these walls, I learned the true definition of what it is to be a mothers. Being home, I realized that this house holds my heart.
Life has been difficult for the past 3 years with all the moving, job changes, commuter marriage, changing schools and now living with our in laws. The girls have missed a lot of the type of childhood that we had dreamed for them. Don’t get me wrong, they are blessed. We all are. We have our health ( knock on wood), we have love and we are together. Really, what more could you hope for in life?
I mean the little things, the simple things that we all take for granted that I was reminded of this weekend in our home. Sleeping in your own bed. Knowing that you are home. Playing with your toys without rebuke or being chastised for making a mess.Sitting down for dinner just the 4 of us, at our table and talking, laughing, being sincerely happy. Being home. Watching the girls play with all their toys, climbing on the swing, and playing with their neighborhood friends made me happy.Going to familiar places, driving down familiar streets and being someplace where you feel you belong; like falling into a comfy lounge in the warm sun. Being home.
That’s where I’ve been. I’ve missed you madly. I loved being home, even if it had no internet and it was pack and move stuff to storage. There is no option for us to return to that city. It’s hard to say goodbye to the only “home” we’ve ever known.
How do you say goodbye to people and places that are your home; the very things that make up your memories? How do you leave after being home?
The past week has been the hardest of my life, thus far. I’ve been walking around in a surreal state of existence since last Monday, only half-feeling my grief.
I can’t seem to get the ultrasound image of my perfect baby out of my head. He looked so peaceful. In my heart, that was my baby boy.
The girls have been distracted. I’ve gone out of my way to keep them occupied. Partly because I don’t want to see them sad, partly because I can’t survive another round of my 4-year-old ugly crying telling me that maybe if she loved the baby more, the baby would still be alive. My heart can’t handle being broken into too many more pieces or it may never heal.
I’m not crying constantly anymore. I’ve spent most of the last week in a Vicodin induced fog and I’m all right with that. I need the physical and emotional pain dulled. Each ache and pain is a constant reminder of what I’ve lost.
People are afraid to talk to me and when they do, I see the pity and sadness in their eyes. I’m able to talk about it now, a little bit. I still can’t say the word miscarriage aloud without crying. I’m still trying to wrap my brain around all of this. It’s hard. I’m trying to see the purpose but I can’t make myself understand.
One thing has gotten me through without jumping out of my skin or curling up into the fetal position and dying, and that is you. All of you. Your love, support, kind words and endless prayers have given me the strength to survive this tragedy. People I have known my entire life, my parents, my family, my friends and my beautiful husband and children have been here to love me, to hold me and to give me the space I needed to muddle through.
But you have given me a steady stream of reassurance and by sharing your stories of your own losses; you have made me feel not alone when I have felt the loneliest of my life. When I felt my whole world was spinning out of control and I was losing sight of any hope of normalcy, you have been my touchstone. A terrible thing has happened to me but through it, it’s been made clear to me how blessed I am in my life by the people I know. You are all so much more than just readers, followers and people I know on the computer, you are friends because only a friend could show such genuine love and continued compassion. Your words have saved my life and my sanity. Thank you does not seem to express the gratitude and love I feel for what you all have done for me in this past week but it’s the only words I have, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Last night’s dream has me perplexed. This morning has thrown me for a loop. I am a bit out of sorts. It’s only my second day completely alone since the girls started school. This is weird for me. I’m not so sure that I like it. This is it. I will never have my sweet little girls home with me on the weekdays again. Is it wrong that I am actually looking forward to days off?
Sunday night, I stayed up until 1 am. I blame HBO and insomnia. Anyways, when 6 am on Monday morning rolled around, I was pretty much feeling like death warmed over. Not just tired but sick to my stomach. My body was mutinying saying “BITCH, why don’t you give us more sleep and better food?” I splashed some cold water on my face, brushed my teeth and got everyone ready for school. I came home and cleaned like a crazy woman, trying to avoid looking in any direction because all I kept seeing was where my dog is supposed to be. The tired mind plays tricks on you. Needless to say, I spent most of the morning folding laundry through tear filled eyes; partly because I miss my dog and probably in part because I miss my Gabs being home with me during the day. It’s lonely when you’ve been used to a little side kick for the past 7 years. I’ve not been lonely because I am never alone until now. Yes, I stood around my house crying like a big baby all by myself. So last night, I did what any really tired, completely sane person would do. I went to bed when I put the girls to bed, at 7 pm.
Guess what happened? I woke up three times and I had a shitload of weird freaking dreams. The first dream was this; I was with my girls at what looked like a school of some sort. We were there to see some sort of pet show. Obviously, in this dream, Gabi, my 5-year-old, immediately runs toward the animals. This kid loves animals. I see veterinary medicine in her future. Quite honestly, I’m pretty convinced this kid prefers animals to people most days of the week. The entire time that she ran ahead, I had her in my sight because I am terrified of stranger danger and I’m pretty sure that I would die if something really bad ever happened to the girls. Suddenly, the dogs became roving exhibit and those bitches were being moved to another location. Gabi was not stopping. She ran after them, out of my line of sight. I am running down the longest corridors I’ve ever had the misfortune of running with her sister in tow. We run down the retractable bleachers and at the bottom they were not pulled all the way out. I jump about 6 feet to the ground. I am not stopping. I. MUST. CATCH.GABI. My 7-year-old refuses to jump.
I beg and plead with her. Gabi is disappearing into the venue and I can’t even hear the stampede of children anymore. This is my nightmare. Bella looks at me and shakes her head with that “not gonna happen” smirk that infuriates every mother. We’ve all seen it. And then she turns and runs in the opposite direction. I am simultaneously terrified and pissed off. Who do I follow? Who do I save? What if something bad happens to them? Then. I . Wake. Up in a cold sweat.
I lay awake for 2 hours in the middle of night trying to figure out this riddle of a nightmare. Here’s what I came up with; it obviously has something to do with the fact that we just lost the dog and Gabi is having such a bad time of it. It also speaks volumes to the fact that Gabi always runs off without thinking (not listening to me) and Bella has recently started defying me, to test boundaries.
Then I tried to go back to bed and had another nightmare. What? Forget this. I’ll just be tired and stay an insomniac. Sleep is brutal, not for the weak.
When I went back to sleep, I dreamed that I was at a hotel with the Big Guy when we spotted an elderly woman who could not walk and had been stranded in the lobby by her people. She gave us some story about feeling really dizzy and needing to get up to her room. The Big Guy, being the nice guy he is, picks the elderly woman up and carries her up to her room. We were waiting for the valet to bring our car so her told me to wait while he took her up. Then he never came back. I spent what felt like forever searching the hotel for my husband. He had been kidnapped. It was a scam to get him upstairs. Eventually, after much freaking out, questioning hotel patrons and workers alike and crying on my part, we found him locked in a dog cage, which is totally bizarre because the Big Guy is 6’5″ and would never actually fit in one of those cages. Even more bizarre was that when we arrived at the room and found him locked in the dog cage, our deceased dog was walking around the outside of the cage.
So what the fuck does all this mean? I’m serious anybody have any good theories? Obviously, it has something to do with losing the dog and fearing losing the people I love but it was one of the weirdest dreams that I have ever had. I may be off sleep completely after last night’s dream.
This election is a game changer. I’ve been sucked in, once again. I never think of myself as overly political. Yes, I am technically a political scientist. That is what one of the degrees in my office says anyways. I own it. But I’ve tried to stay out of it this election season but when others begin to attack me for my beliefs solely for my stance on an issue and then try to place blame on my suspected political affiliation, I take offense especially when the case in point had nothing to do with political affiliation and everything to do with calling bullshit on something that I found to be disingenuous. I don’t appreciate being called names and having my beliefs questioned simply because someone suspects I’m a democrat. I take offense because I don’t practice politics with blind, unfounded hate. There is no you and I. There is only “WE”, we the people.
There was a point in time where I loved absolutely everything about politics and history and the United States and law, but that was a lifetime ago. There was also a time that I was a Republican and almost fainted when I got to shake the hand of of George H.W. Bush at my campus rally. he was no Bill Clinton but hey, we can’t all be that damn charming. Yes, that was many moons ago, as well. But that is not who I am anymore.
Today, I am a grown up. I have children, responsibilities, parents who are retired, a mortgage and a quality of life. I can’t play fast and loose with my future. Today, I know that life is not black or white but various shades of gray ( maybe 50 or so). When I vote in an election or choose a candidate to support, I don’t vote straight democrat or republican because I am not blind, deaf and dumb.
I do not live in a bubble. I vote on the issues. I vote for the candidate who is going to make the world, at the very least, this country, a better place for my daughters to grow up in. I vote for the person whose ideology most closely resembles my own and who has the capability to make the changes in the world that I want to see. I vote issues and if the person who agrees with my issues happens to be charismatic, that’s a bonus.
I want a doer not a talker. I want a person of integrity and action. I want someone who is accountable to their constituents. I want someone who understands what an honor and privilege it is that we are bestowing upon him/her.I want someone who respects and values women and our control over our own bodies. I want someone who doesn’t think of women as property or cattle. I want someone who treats everyone fairly regardless of class, sex, religion or color of skin. I want someone who only sees red, white and blue and not just green.
I want someone who understands the American people, after all government is supposed to be for the people and by the people. I think a lot of people have forgotten that. We have the right and privilege of electing these people. They are our representatives. Their job is to make our government reflect our wants and needs, not the other way around. People seem to have forgotten that. Government is not for big business. That may be who funds campaigns but that is not who votes them in. That, my friends, is you and I.
My point is that we are voting for people who we hope can fix the issues that are important to us. We are voting for humans not mastheads.I generally try not to be outrageously political on my site, but sometimes you have to take a stand for what’s right. Do what makes you happy. But I become a little bit dismayed when I see politics being played so blatantly only for votes, where there is no substance, no relevance and deceptions are being transpired. A presidential election should not be a beauty contest or a popularity contest, a presidential election should be considered with the weight and gravity that it holds. An election is a chance to change the world and the person we vote for is the person we trust to make that happen; to represent us, to fight for us, to protect our basic rights. The person we vote for in this election needs to be able to truly identify with ‘we the people’.
I don’t understand how some people can be so blindly partisan that the minute you mention one candidate or the other, walls go up, insults are hurled and grown adults become as undignified and rude as overtired, tantruming children in the toy aisle.
I know who I am voting for this November. It’s the same man I helped put into office four years ago. The same man who changed history. The man who is making a difference for the better. President Obama was handed a mess when he took office and he’s been working his ass off to clean it up. He’s like a mother with several children under the age of 6, trying to keep everyone satisfied, fed and clean while trying to make ends meet and maintain a successful relationship with the people around him on little to no sleep. He’s doing his best and it’s making a difference. Slow and steady wins the race, my friends.Fast talking and promises with no merit mean nothing.
Please vote wisely. I don’t care who you vote for this election as long as you know the issues and choose the candidate that you feel can truly do the most good for our country, no matter if he happens to be an ass or an elephant.
God Bless you and God Bless America
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
Being a parent is super tough. It’s the hardest job that you’ll ever love and on some days, you might even hate it. It’s hard. There’s always so much to do and never enough time ( or energy). One huge issue parents experience is balancing their work life with their home life. For many moms, running a business of their own is seen as a perfect way to achieve a better work-life balance because we “think” its going to be easier, more convenient and allow us to be “more present”. Of course, it’s all a lie we tell ourselves powered by hope. The reality is that being in charge of your work life is really helpful and not having a “boss” certainly has its advantages.
Because running your own business is an incredible amount of work with no off hours and people misunderstanding your flexibility for free time. You’ll likely find that your work consumes pretty much all of your time ( on call 24 hours a day). Having a business to run can feel like having another child to look after. While it’s a labor of love, its also a lot. This means that there’s a lot of responsibility resting on you.
Figuring out how you can successfully balance running a business with a personal life is tricky. Hell, at some times, it feels down right impossible. But, understanding how to be a parent while successfully running a business is a question many people want the answer to, especially in today’s increasingly popular remote work and digital nomad culture. This can feel like a really massive challenge because, not to scare anyone but, it is . However, it doesn’t need to be as daunting as it seems. Yes, it will be difficult, but there are ways to ease your workload successfully and it will be worth it.
The daily running of a business is incredibly intense. It’s so easy to get caught up in the many tasks you need to perform each day. This level of intense working means that it’s hard to see the bigger picture. Taking a tiny bit of time out provides the perfect opportunity to assess your business. While time is at a real premium for you, there’s still loads of benefits to be gained from pausing to assess your business.
Just a few hours out of your day can help you figure a lot of things out. Assessing your business as a whole can provide a host of insights. This is especially helpful to do if you have been consumed by everyday tasks. Examining the bigger picture will help you to spot the tasks that take up most of your time. You can also then find inefficiencies and areas that could be changed to make your life easier. This review can deliver some really surprising results and ultimately change how you work.
Once you’ve carried out a review of your work, it’s time to take action. It’s great to take a step back. But unless you do something with the information you gather, things won’t change. Make a plan to take action and figure out how you can work more efficiently. Now that you’ve seen how your time is spent, it should be much easier to spot opportunities to cut time spent on certain tasks.
Understanding how you spend your time is an excellent way to identify ways to get more out of your working day. But it’s not the only way to make time savings. You can also help yourself work smarter. Looking at your software and how it supports your business is vital. You may find that your existing software isn’t fit for purpose and makes life complicated. This completely goes against the point of using software in the first place.
Your company’s software should support your business and make your life easier. All too often, business owners get stuck using software that is frustrating to work with. This can make everyday business tasks a hassle. Worst of all, it can have a serious impact on your time. Switching to new software can completely transform your business. But first, you need to be sure you pick the right software product.
Choosing software that’s specifically designed for your industry is super helpful. Doing this can really transform the daily running of your company. Look for industry-specific software, such as venue management software. Software that is created to help business owners just like yourself will be packed with handy features to make your life easier. This enhanced functionality can shave time off your regular tasks. This means your working day is more efficient.
Running a home, raising kids, and managing a business are huge responsibilities. Trying to do all these things alone is an almost impossible task. So, it’s important to know that you don’t need to do it all yourself. Instead, it’s really helpful to delegate.
Passing some of your to-do list onto others can feel alien to start with. But you’ll soon get into the habit of delegating at home and at work. If you’re super busy and the task can be completed by someone else, simply let them do it.
One final way to balance the tricky task of running a business as a busy parent is to change your mindset. Trying to be present in both your home life and work life is one way to master this. So, when you’re at home, focusing on spending time with the kids, running your household, and maintaining relationships. Then, when you’re at work, keeping your mind focused on the job. This may sound impossible. However, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
The benefits of being present in whatever situation you find yourself in are immense. You will find it so much easier to really concentrate. It’s now well known that attempting to multitask can be really harmful to both your wellbeing and your productivity. Ensuring you’re focused on each area of your life, wherever you are, is always really helpful. You should find that this helps you to enjoy the time you spend with your kids so much more.
Being free from the distractions of thinking about work all the time can be really liberating. You’ll probably feel much happier as a result. At work, you can then focus on being as productive as possible. Changing your mindset in this way is really beneficial for anyone that feels like they’re being pulled in all directions. Who knows, you may even be able to shake off that persistent feeling of mom guilt that many working parents struggle with!