The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Lena Dunham and the Over Share Heard Round the World
I’ve read all kinds of posts on the Lena Dunham debacle. At first, I thought surely people were overreacting. I mean, come on, it’s Lean Dunham. She’s made her name by pushing the envelope, by making us go to those unpleasant and uncomfortable places. Seriously, did anyone want or need to see her running around 80% naked for most of all the seasons of Girls? Of course not but we watched anyways. In her own weird, melodramatic, neurotic way she is really endearing. She’s slightly annoying and incessantly talking to hear herself talk but there is something about her that makes us feel better about ourselves.

The problem with Lena Dunham is that she reminds us a little too much of someone we might know or worse, someone we might be or were or might be one day. I’m chunky, I’m pale and I do not dance around the house naked. I wish I could. I can’t because I’m so screwed up that I can’t even love my own damn body. I try, I do but I fail, over and over again. It is a battle that I can never win. In that way, I am envious of Lena Dunham. She is intelligent, articulate and obviously, pretty fucking comfortable in her own skin. I envy anyone who can honestly love themselves like that but in other ways, she is wounded ( ain’t we all).

Which brings me to the next and more pressing matter, her new book, Not that Kind of Girl. She shocks us. I think most of us expected that, right? She is the kind of person who takes the truth and shoves it in your face and holds you there daring you not to look away. She forces us to see what we might otherwise go through life ignoring, because let’s face it, sometimes it’s just easier that way. However, this time her in your face approach has gone too far. She’s tapped into something that has down right freaked people out.

Now, as someone who tells the truth on a the regular, I know that it is scary. 50% of the time, people will hate you, mock you and fear you. 100% of the time, they will judge you. But 50% of the time, they will support you and let me tell you, that support is priceless so we take the risk. Maybe they’ll read it and get to see a hidden side of us and embrace it or maybe they will see a hidden side of us and turn away in disgust and anger because we should have known better and just kept it to ourselves. Believe me, I’ve been there too. You have to learn to take your lumps like a grown up and have a mature, intelligent discussion. I try to rise above it because sometimes I might learn something, even if it’s that I knew I was right and the other person was an idiot.

I have not personally read the book (though I do want to) but I have seen out of context passages and read many a scathing piece on the book so my post is based solely on my own deducement without all of the facts. The part about a 7-year-old Lena Dunham curiously looking into her 1-year-old sister’s vagina, I find harmless. I mean seriously, she was 7. It was curiosity and thank goodness she did, she found pebbles in the kid. Has no one asked what the hell the toddler was sticking pebbles in her vagina for? It wasn’t like Lena Dunham was fingering her, excuse my vulgarity.

Then there is the part about bribing her little sister to “rest on her” or to kiss her for 5 seconds..both of these wreak of a little girl who needed affection. Her comment,
“Basically anything a sexual predator might do to woo a small suburban girl I was trying.”
I honestly, think ( I Hope) was a failed attempt at humor and all of it was taken out of context. We can all sound like monsters out of context.

The situation of a 13-year-old Dunham masturbating in her own bed, after her little sister crawled into her bed while her sister was sleeping, while not necessarily appropriate was a solitary action. She was 13, she was masturbating, that is normal. Her sister crawled into her bed, it wasn’t like she invited her into her bed and then had the little sister participate. One had nothing to do with the other.

I think Lena Dunham over shared in a big, fat, freaking way but do I think she is a deviant, child molester? I don’t but then again, I am not a psychiatrist and neither are most of the people ripping her to shreds for being honest. I don’t necessarily think Dunham did anything wrong other than misjudge her audience and her own isolation from judgment. She forgot for a minute that she is still subject to the rules of the rest of us and that fickle fans and especially strangers can turn on you, just as fast as they can fall in love with you; sometimes even quicker.

I’d love to hear your opinion but I think we should leave the diagnoses to the psychiatrists.
What do you think?
Was Lena Dunham just a curious kid or a child predator?
2014/11/05
Why RVing is the Best Family Trip You Can Take Your Children On
I’m definitely a 5-star resort kind of girl . I love luxury, lazy rivers, hot tubs, and wifi. I blame my husband. Before him, I was the outdoorsy type. I’m not sure if I loved roughing it or I just grew up in a family of 6, so roughing it was the standard on vacation. I never considered that RVing is the best family trip you can take your children on.
I could often be found hiking, swimming, rolling down some grassy hill, laying outside looking up at the stars or just staring in wonder at the natural beauty surrounding me. I took great pleasure in the simple things. The beauty of a sunset, the grass beneath me and the sand and surf between my toes. These things made me happy.
I graduated from university, started having babies, a bad back and no time. Suddenly, 5-star resorts became my gold standard. I’m not afraid to admit that I adore a good room service breakfast in bed. Achy bones and a weary body make a good bed and a deep tub my happy place. Until a couple years ago.
READ ALSO: Why Every Family should go RVing before their Kids Grow Up
I attended an epic road trip with Ford where I drove from Kamloops to Calgary and it was a life-changing moment for me. I was reminded of how truly awesome this world is and how it is ever changing. I knew then that I needed to share this with our girls.
I came home from that trip changed forever. I wanted nothing more than to immerse them in that inspiring, mind-blowing beauty in person; to see how breathtaking mother earth is without the distractions and noise of everyday life. I wanted to take them to this quiet solitude with nothing but the hum of cicadas, the soft summer breeze as it rustles the trees and the crash of the surf meets the shore. I wanted them to hear the ripple of their life that you can only hear when alone in nature.
My love for nature is innate. Both of my parents descend from farmers, so we appreciate the earth because we know it gives life. I guess I just never realized how damn beautiful she was until that moment in Banff. I was ready to share this immediately but photos can’t do justice to that sort of beauty. It always falls short plus that kind of natural peace has to be felt to be understood. But due to circumstances beyond my control, that moment would have to wait.
Finally, last month, we got the chance to give them a taste of all that beauty. We took the girls on a camping trip to Michigan, courtesy of the Traverse City KOA and GoRVing and it did not disappoint.
A bad back and age sometimes make me feel like I’m in my 80’s. But, I dream of sharing all the national parks in the United States with my girls; being outdoors and appreciating the small things that we take for granted so often. I want them to look up at the sky at night and see the millions of stars surrounded by nothing but nature and love. I want them to see the Aurora Borealis dance across the sky and be left breathless. To do all of that, you have to leave the bright lights of the city and go to where nature is still untouched. You have to go camping to really be in it.
We stayed in a stationary RV that looks just like a cabin but is actually built on an RV chassis and towed to its final destination. It was gorgeous and perfect for the first-time camper, the person who wants to be one with nature but prefers indoor plumbing , the avid glamper or those of us who just might prefer some of the luxuries of home, while communing with nature.
READ ALSO: The Secret to the Best Road Trip Ever
However, you slice it, I would highly recommend staying at the Traverse City KOA and renting a GoRVing RV, stationary or otherwise. You won’t be disappointed. I know we weren’t. It had all the comforts of home, including tv and WiFi, which we didn’t really use but it was nice to know it was available if we needed it.
Our trip was for 4 days and it was the best vacation we had all summer. We travel a lot and we do love it. We love big cities and exciting things but being in nature is a different kind of vacation. There was no need for scheduling and planning. The only plan was to get on the open road, enjoy one another and the nature all around us.
Camping is the kind of trip that refuels your soul. There was something absolutely magical about sharing the Sleeping Bear Dunes with my daughters, swimming on a private beach and eating the best pizza ever at a market.
We combed the beach for rocks to make kindness rocks for others. We danced and sang with our tweens as we barbecued outside and laughed so hard that we cried while sitting around a bonfire talking and roasting smores. It was magical because we slowed down enough to just be with one another. We talked. We listened. We laughed. We came back together stronger.
I don’t know about you and your family but I suspect it’s similar to mine, we work all the time. We work hard. Between the Big Guy and I working, the girls going to school and 6 days of ballet a week, there is not a lot of time for just being, as much as we would love more of it. We try to have dinner together and we do talk to each other every day. We make the effort to ask questions even when we are all so busy and tired all we want is a nap and some silence. Camping together allowed the rest of the world to fall away for four days and it was just us and nature and it was truly the most special time.
Before we even got home, the Big Guy was talking about making this an annual trip. But I think we want more. I’m hoping to get to take my family to the national parks out west next summer, hopefully in an RV. I want that togetherness that camping provides.
I only have 6 more summers with my oldest daughter before she goes off to college and that fact is not lost on me. Each moment is precious. I’d love to have at least 6 more RV camping trips with our girls. I want them to look back on their childhood fondly and remember all the magical moments together standing in awe of the beauty of nature surrounded by all the love.
I want to extend a sincere thank you to GoRVing.com and the Traverse City KOA for facilitating this absolutely magical trip for my family. It’s changed the way we vacation. I guess I’m not as much of the 5-star hotel girl as I thought I was. The outdoorsy me is still inside and begging to sleep out under the stars.
If you don’t have an RV, staying in a park model cabin like the one we stayed in is a popular option to try out the RV lifestyle. Some campgrounds also have travel trailers all set up on site available for rent.
In addition, there are some companies like Camp N Style located in San Diego that will bring an RV (could be a travel trailer or a motorhome) right to the campground and hook it up so when you get there, its ready to go! These are generally equipped with pots, pans, dishes, full kitchen & bath, AC & heat, too!.
Ready to plan an RV adventure of your own? Visit GoRVing.com for info on how to get started, how to choose the RV that’s right for you, where to go, what to bring and so much more!
2017/09/20
The Freedom to be Spontaneous with the Gift that Keeps On Giving Every Time the
I am a member of collective bias and this shop has been compensated by #CollectiveBias, Inc. and it’s advertiser. All thoughts and opinions are mine alone.
Warning: This is a PG-13 post in which I discuss marital relations between consulting adults but if you are easily offended by discussing adult themed topics, you are welcome to stop reading.
What do you get for that special man in your life who has everything this Christmas? There is one thing that I know the Big Guy (and every guy for that matter) always likes…you know what I’m talking about, the freedom to be spontaneous like before you became parents. A little unprovoked, unsolicited, uninterrupted (ahem) personal “attention” and he can’t buy that (well, he can but he really shouldn’t.) Since I don’t own a time machine, nor are my beloved kids refundable, I’m asking Grandma to keep the kids overnight, adding a little personal lubricant ( come on ladies, you all know what I mean, sometimes we need a little jumpstart) and letting the good times roll. Merry Christmas, baby!
The Big Guy and I have been married forever for 15 years. When we first got married, romance was easy. We were in our 20’s so attraction and having relations didn’t take any effort at all. We were breathing and we were always ready. It didn’t hurt that we were both pretty hot. We were spontaneous because we had the leisure of time, privacy and youth. There was no stress, laundry or tiny people crawling on us and promptly spitting up on one or both of us. FYI, spit up.is.not.attractive.Not even on Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp. These days, we are simply spontaneous challenged.
We’re 40ish. We have kids who are just old enough to be nosier than they should be. I have insomnia. He gets up for work at 4:30 a.m. and every night is a game of musical beds, thanks to recovering co-sleepers who still think they lay claim to our bed. Sometimes we’re just too damn tired. Yes, it happens!
Don’t feel sorry for us yet. Thanks to a couple afternoons of working from home, we manage some “us” time but I miss making out on the couch (with no one under 5 foot asking, “What cha doin?”), and being able to be spontaneously whisked off to bed/floor/kitchen countertops or finish what we started because kids arguing over Barbie dolls in the next room causes everything south to go dry like the Sahara. Honestly, why does no one tell you that children are female erection killers?
Speaking of which, last week, for 48 hours straight, on 3 occasions, the Big Guy and I were trying to “have relations” when the 7-year-old burst into the room or beat at the door. It’s like she’s my mom and she has radar whenever I might be trying to do the deed. I’m a teenager all over again, except this time I’ve got a mortgage and gray hair and I’m trying not to get busted by a person who sometimes still needs me to cut up her food. Thank God for bathrooms with locks.
So forget waiting for the perfect time, I’m sick of trying to fit “couple time” in between the minute they go to sleep and the surprise hour that they have to pee/get water/ or remember they had homework. Mama needs some adult time with the Big Guy.
This Saturday, I’m giving us an early Christmas present, a child-free night where we can just be Debi and the Big Guy (not mommy and daddy) and maybe channel those two college students who met 17 years ago. I’ve enlisted grandma to keep the girls overnight, made a trip to Target and bought some K-Y® LIQUIBEADS® (to make sure everything down below is ready to go at a moments notice), made reservations for dinner at a place that doesn’t serve chicken nuggets and can’t wait to see where the night leads.
I’ve heard good things about the K-Y® LIQUIBEADS® and they seem easy to use.
- Simply place the OVULE insert firmly into the top of the applicator so it will not fall out.
- Hold the applicator containing the OVULE insert by the opposite end from where the OVULE insert is located.
- Gently insert the applicator into the vagina as far as it will go comfortably.This can be done while standing with your feet comfortably apart and knees bent.
- Push the plunger all the way in to place th OVULE insert as far back in the vagina as possible.
- Throw away applicator after use.
- Insert a bead once every few days so that your body is ready whenever the mood may strike.
I know sometimes when you are pregnant, you really want to be “spontaneous” often, especially with all those “romantic” dreams but if you’re pregnant or nursing, consult a doctor before using.

Coupon available coupon available at coupons.com $1 off any K-Y® product –
2014/12/18
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about CES
Last week, I attended CES! CES!!!! I feel like I’ve been waiting my entire life to attend. Just me and about 170,000 other tech junkies descended upon Las Vegas. It was my first time; I was a CES and a Vegas virgin. Talk about go big or go home? WOWZA!
I could go on for days, hell, weeks, writing about this experience but I will start by giving you the jist of what it feels like to attend CES, it’s like climaxing and then despite your better senses continuing on, in that crazed, hyper sensitive, overwhelming feeling of pleasure and pain overload but you still want more….more….more…THAT.IS.CES!
The next thing you know, your feet are on fire, you drank too much at some VIP event because you forgot you weren’t 21, you want all the tech, you’ve been up til 5:30 eastern time every night because you are so jet-lagged. You really don’t know what time it is anymore and then you find yourself so overwhelmed after 3 days of walking in the dessert of lights with that ginormous fucking badge that weighs twelve pounds that you hit a wall (figuratively not literally, though if you are tired enough you might do that too.)
You’ve seen more hookers than you ever have on HBO real sex and Taxi Cab confessions combined, been given directions by a Mexican Elvis who requests a selfie with you and seen and heard gadgets that have blown your mind.
Next thing you know, there you are crying, stranded in the airport in Dallas, your flight’s been cancelled because of “weather” and you were the dumb ass who “voluntarily” checked your carry on because some smiling flight attendant asked politely in Vegas and when you ask the flight attendant in Dallas to help you find your much needed luggage, she rolls her eyes at you (ROLLED.HER.EYES.AT.ME!!), scolds you and turns you into a sniveling, sleep deprived ball of snot in the middle of the Dallas/Fort Worth airport with TSA eyeballing you like you just smuggled in heroine ( or maybe it was that new Vibe selfie flash) in your anal cavity.
Speaking of strange and weird shit happening, as a stranded traveler living my own personal version of Planes, Trains and Automobiles, I ended up in a shuttle with 1) a gentleman from California who happens to be the boss of one of our closest friends from college, who now lives in Colorado but originates from Chicago 2) an ex-lobbyist turned UCLA Poli Sci Professor who has a reoccurring roll on Hawaii 5.0. This trip was all about the surreal.
Finally, around 10 p.m. Texas time, there I was wearing my new scarf as a sarong, in 20-degree weather while washing my panties and yoga pants out in the sink so I had clean clothes to wear the next day. I did this all by hand. A friend told me that MANY people use the in room coffee makers to wash their unmentionables. I didn’t but think twice before you use those to make coffee. That “weird” taste might be someone else’s ass.
Anyways, aside from all the drama of the flight home, CES is awesome. Being that it was my first time there are some things that I wished I would have known going in, so I am sharing them here with you. Yes, I will get to all the really, cool shit I saw tomorrow.
- Wear Comfortable shoes. Repeat after me…WEAR.COMFORTABLE. SHOES! Save your cute shoes for nighttime events. Wearing cute heels to CES means that you are either certifiable, dead from the waist down or a hooker. Go away, P.S. even TOMS can wreak havoc on the feet of sensitive soles. Let’s just say, I somehow managed a blister the size of my baby toe on top and on bottom of said baby toe. I was crippled, people. Gym Shoes, UGGs, Frye Boots, COMFORT PEOPLE but please NO CROCS ALLOWED. If you wear crocs the homeless people will make fun of you.
- Register early to avoid fees.
- Pick your badge up at the airport, the line is quicker than at the hotels. But if you are PRESS ( as I was) go to the PRESS kiosk or you may find that your badge was given to someone named Donald.
- Cabs are expensive and traffic is horrible in Vegas. Take the shuttles. It’s $8 one way or $14 round trip. Very cost effective.
- If you are a single woman who is looking for love with a nerdy, highly intelligent, somewhat wealthy, possibly a gamer, with a great BIG sexy brain… this is your heaven. The men outnumber the women about 9 to 1. STEM PEOPLE. This needs to be a priority with our girls.
- Have a plan. Vegas is huge and there were 170,000 attendees and 3600 booths. You do the math. There is no way you can cover every booth in 5 days. It’s not possible. Make a plan.
- Forget about passing out your cards. This is not a blog conference. Get cards. Give cards if asked or if there is a spot to leave them.
- Network at events and smaller venues. You are not going to stand out at CES unless you are naked or wearing crocs. Wait, I stand corrected, you are not going to stand out at CES unless you are wearing crocs.
- Walk the strip. You have to. It’s beautiful at night. Also, #Highroller. It’s bigger than the London eye and the view is not only natural it is fucking spectacular!
- Schedule down time. I am serious, if you do not, you will hit a wall and end up in your room in the middle of the day in your pjs, eating a slice and taking a nap against your own will. P.S. It’s really hard to network when you are delirious from sleep deprivation.
- Also, speaking of naps, get some sleep. I’m one of those people who physically get ill after a certain point of no sleep. I have insomnia so my threshold is pretty high but if I stay up past 3:30 a.m., I will literally get nauseated. I guess my body decides it’s had enough and it’s shutting down.
- Don’t over schedule yourself. I made the rookie mistake of making lots of booth tour appointments. I was just so flattered to be asked but I will tell you, then you find yourself rushing around and not enjoying things. CES is all about flexibility; you need to be able to spend time where you find your interests.
My takeaway, have a plan but be flexible. Wear comfortable shoes and clothing that you can stay comfortable in for 12 + hours. Be prepared to walk because I walked about 15,000 steps every day I was there. Be spontaneous. There are so many cool gadgets and tech and people that you never know where the day might take you and if you have the option, take a friend. Life’s never quite so overwhelming when you have someone with you to help you conquer the world.
If you love playing with gadgets like I do or just love being in the tech know, when given the chance attend CES. It is awesome. Come back tomorrow and I will tell you all about the great new tech gadgets coming out this year.
Were you at CES this year, if so what was your favorite new gadget?
2015/01/12
Strong Like A Girl #LikeAGirl
” Like a Girl ” what does that even mean? Like a boss? Like your best? Like you? Bigger? Bolder? Brighter? Faster? Harder? Stronger? Longer? Better? I’ve never gotten that phrase and I’ve always hated the negative connotation that is inferred by it. I’m a woman and I love being a woman. I don’t think being a female makes me less, it makes me more.
“Why do people say “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”
― Betty White ( Like a girl)
I am the proud mom of two very strong willed, strong minded and strong bodied, amazing girls. Girls who are smart, funny, caring, loving, challenging, athletic, witty, love science and math and give everything they do 110%. They are also beautiful, delicate, stubborn, opinionated, whimsical and 110% girl.

They are two of the fiercest little girls I know. They are everything they want to be and my only wish for them is happiness being their best version of themselves. I never want them to lose the belief that they can do and be anything they want to be. It’s all a matter of working hard and has absolutely NOTHING to do with what is between their legs. Contrary to popular belief, a vagina is not a liability. It’s a mother f*cking miracle.
You see, I’ve never put my girls into a box and I’ve NEVER in my life understood the asinine turn of phrase, “Like a girl” because it makes no sense. Girls grow up to be women. Women grow babies, give birth, hold careers, make homes for their families and hold shit together when the world starts to fall apart. Without women, quite literally, the species would cease to exist. Girls are can do anything boys can do, in most cases, even better because they’ve had to work twice as hard to get it.
The “Like A Girl” campaign as a social experiment to destroy the negative implications of the phrase. That ad was shown during last night’s Super Bowl game.
The video shows grown up men and women being asked to run, throw, and fight like a girl. In each case, they watered it down. They reacted slower, more cartoonish and awkward like. They “dumbed it down”. THEY thought it was funny. I don’t think it’s funny at all, especially when women are doing this. This makes us part of the problem, not the solution.
However, when the producers of the video asked young girls under the age of 10 to run, throw or fight “like a girl” they did it with all of their might. They ran as fast as they could. Fought as hard as they could. Threw as far as they could. They did not undersell themselves because they were doing it as they always believed they could. They had not yet been conditioned and beaten down by society’s stereotypes and become a cartoonish, underwhelming specimen of a woman. They were strong.

As a woman, who survived puberty, we all know that once puberty comes and your body starts to change. Your confidence is shaken. People react to you differently. You cross over from being a kid to being a woman and the expectations change. With breasts, you become shackled with limitations. It is a sad but true fact. Right now, my girls are still at the age where they do everything like no one is watching and there is a quiet strength and beauty in that.
The video bothered me a lot, then again I knew this day was coming. My oldest is about to be 10 and I have worked her entire life to make sure that she NEVER sees “like a girl” in a negative way. I want her to always know and accept that she is as good, as strong, capable and intelligent as any boy. If anything, I want my girls to know they are special because not only can they do every thing that men can do, we can do one thing that they can’t…conceive and give birth to a child. We are stronger in that capacity than any man can ever hope to be because we are the keepers of the world.
I think I’m doing a pretty good job, my girls look completely baffled when I ask them to do anything “like a girl” I have to clarify…just do it the way you do it. I’m pretty proud of that and them. Like a girl should be synonymous with Like a boss because that is how we do it around here.
I think my girls are the two most amazing creatures I know. They are strong, bold and fierce in ways I only wish that I was. I watch them grow in awe and humbled by their spirit. They inspire me to fight harder, to be better to make this world better for them….to make it what they deserve.
What does ” like a girl ” mean in your house?
2015/02/02
I Shaved my 7-Year-old
Last fall, I received a personal laser hair removal system because I’d already shaved myself silly for the past 30 years and waxing hurts my feelings. My 7-year-old saw it and asked what it was. I told her. Then, she mentioned the hair on her arms. She said if the laser hair removal treatment worked, she wanted me to use it on her. I took notice but didn’t want to make a “thing” of it. It felt like a little punch to my gut that this was a concern of my 2^nd grader. It broke my heart a little.
For those asking, opulentlasers.co.uk has the permanent laser hair removal at home which you can check out now.
I’ve always believed that when my daughters came to me about hairy legs, out of control eyebrows or the inevitable extra lip hair (because God knows I am living proof of maintenance) that I would help them. It wouldn’t be an issue, until they came to me if it bothered them. As long as they love the skin they are in, that’s all that matters to me.
I remember being in middle school myself and having hairy legs and my dad forbidding me to shave my legs. I had to wear ugly tube socks to hide the Sasquatch I was evolving into. It was humiliating. Eventually, embarrassment and humiliation got the best of me, I butchered shaved my legs and nearly took my ankle off with it. I never wanted my girls to have to sneak and shave their legs, tweeze their eyebrows or, heaven forbid, wax their mustache. Mostly, I never wanted them to feel that awkward humiliation or be stumped when someone else pointed out what they already knew.
So, when my 7-year-old came to me for a second time last night and asked me if I could laser her tiny little arms, I looked her straight in the face and asked her, “Why do you want me to take the hair off of your arms?” And she answered, “Because it bothers me, Mommy.” I made the decision to stick by my guns and I agreed to shave her arms.
You see when she originally asked about it, I consulted my aesthetician and she recommended shaving her arms. When my daughter came to me, very seriously, after several months and still wanted the hair gone. I had to do what was best for her.
I took her to my bathroom. I explained that hair is natural and we all have it. Some of us have more than others but that if this were what SHE wanted, I would shave her arms. She was sure.
I washed her arms. Lathered them with shaving cream and almost surreally,
I shaved her tiny arms from her elbow to her wrist.
When we were done, she hugged me and said, “Oh, Mommy! They are so smooth. Now, I don’t have to wear my fleece every day in class to cover my arms!”
She was ecstatic. She ran downstairs to show her dad and her sister. And then I died a little bit inside, as I held back the tears because I realized that she hadn’t given me the entire story.
I followed her downstairs, pulled her aside and asked, “Baby, why do you wear your fleece every day in class?”
Then she said something I never wanted to hear, “ Well, *Sophie asked my why my arms were so hairy. Then she told me they were weird. Then she laughed.”
I can tell you that as a mom, I wanted to punch this other 7-year-old in the face because she has put it in my daughter’s head that her arms are weird because they have hair on them. That will never go away. She’s never going to forget that moment that someone laughed and called her “weird” because of her body. That infuriates me.
I know some of you reading this are thinking why on the earth would you shave your 7-year-old’s arms? I realize that it sounds vain and cosmetic and no I don’t want to encourage my girls to believe that they need to change to meet society’s expectations of beauty. This wasn’t about that. This was me helping my daughter feel better about herself because it bothered her just like I would take her to a dermatologist if she had acne or get her braces if her teeth were crooked.
I shaved my daughter because that’s what she needed to feel happy in her skin.
I’m thrilled my daughter feels more confident without the hair on her arms but I’m hoping, since I didn’t have the entire story, that I didn’t send the wrong message. I don’t want her to think she has to conform to other people’s concept of beauty because I think she’s perfect already.
What would you have done in this situation?
Would you have shaved your 7-year-old if you could see it truly bothered her?
2015/03/09
Help My Child’s a Tyrant
My daughter has metamorphosed from a sweet, loving child into a tyrant who rules with a iron fist and a sadistic sense of humor. It feels as if she’s made it her mission to frustrate me to the point of submission. I have to admit, she’s getting close this morning.
I was all set to write my post about this upcoming year…my resolutions. I have them plenty, only mine aren’t resolutions they are revolutions. Nope, no empty threats, just promises to myself to do and be better. I had it all worked out in my mind only I can’t write that post today because I’m laying here on my bed contemplating the meaning of it all. This, my friends, is what happens when you are taken emotionally hostage by a tiny tyrant whom you happen to love unconditionally.
Look, I’ve never been the mom who could say, suck it up and rub some dirt on it and move on. I’m the mom who gasps and kisses booboos, even when it’s not my kid who got hurt. My mommy heart is just too damn big for my own good. My daughters know this.
Sure, I come off like a cold-hearted twat sometimes but I’m not. Not even a little bit, especially when it comes to little people. That’s my soft spot and when they are my own, well, that’s my fucking kryptonite and they know that.
This morning, my littlest one made it her mission to do my head in. There is no other possible explanation for it. You see, my eldest has entered the tween years and is emotional, hormonal and has perfected the eye roll to my dismay. I expect this and I have developed a tolerance as to not lose my mind. We’ve been having long discussions about hormones and puberty and why it’s necessary to wash your face every single day, especially since your dad suffered from acne. She half gets the message. All I can do is offer advice, give her a facial cleaning system and be there, astringent in hand, when the shit hits the fan.
However, when the 8-year-old gets a full on, honest to God pimple on her chin and literally freaks the fuck out, I have no idea what to do. I tried rationale but let’s be honest, you can’t be rational with an 8-year-old with a white head about to burst. She worked herself into such a tizzy that yesterday, I kept her home because she had diarrhea. I know TMI but I honestly, thought the kid had the stomach flu. Not until last night when she came to me with tears in her eyes asking if I could cover up the pimple and told me that her stomach issues were caused by her nerves did I realize the weight of that damn pimple.
I spent yesterday coddling and reassuring her that it’s no big deal and I would help her clean her face and astringent the damn thing to death. I felt bad for her. I know the frustration that comes with pimples and a body that you have no control over. I was understanding and nurturing. I was going to smother that pimple in love and self-confidence if it killed us both. Hell, I even let the little one climb into my bed when she told me she was nervous and her stomach was bothering her at bedtime. However, that was yesterday. This morning was a different story.
In the place where my child who wanted pity and coddling stood yesterday was a defiant, mean spirited tyrant this morning. She woke up tired, because she stayed up too late explaining her stomachache and pimple woes last night. She didn’t want to get out of bed. Finally she got ready. Argued over breakfast. Went to the bathroom, where she proceeded, not to use the bathroom. Cried as I covered up the pimple as she had asked and just when it was completely invisible, she grabbed a tissue and yelled at me that it wasn’t working and smudged the whole thing.
Then she told me that I don’t care about her because if I did I wouldn’t send her to school where she very well might “poop” herself or throw up in mass. I email the teacher to make her aware that my daughter may or may not poop or throw up during mass, either way, please call me to pick her up if she does so and for the love of God, if the kid says she has to go to the toilet…this is not a drill. Heed my warning, woman. What kind of monster am I? (Probably the kind who hasn’t been alone in 3 weeks.)
Meanwhile, I go on feeding her sister and brushing hair, all the while the littlest is dragging her feet and making us late and absolutely refusing to eat. I can do no right. Every single thing I do, including taking breath is annoying her. I wasted so much time trying to cajole her into gear that I have to get myself ready in 1 minute. It’s okay; I have no intention of ever leaving my vehicle. Finally, we head out the door with 4 minutes to get to school that is a minimum of 5 minutes away. She’s fidgeting and sighing exasperation at a deafening tone. I ignore it as I tell myself, this too shall pass.
We get to school and she refuses to kiss me goodbye. Oh the defiance is strong with this one. You know when you’re a child and you piss your mom off and she curses you by saying those fateful words, “I hope you have one just like you when you grow up?” Well, my mom was good at it because I got a Mega mini me on steroids; big heart, big mouth and more stubborn than any mule who has ever lived. It will serve her well in the real world someday but it’s slowly driving me insane.
After all this, in the middle of my daily prayer for them to survive their school day, she walks back to the car and tells me that she’s going to be sick. I offer to walk her in. She refuses and walks away, only to instantly turn around and say, “Are you coming or what?” I jump out of my car, looking like a homeless person (who wasn’t expecting to be seen in public) as I have to chase her down in my boot cast (because I just had surgery a week ago and am back in the boot). She stays at least 15 feet ahead of me all the way into the building.
Finally, I hobble into her classroom, looking even crazier with sweat and explain the possible shit situation to her delightful teacher who looks at me like I might need some lithium in my life. I then walk over to my daughter to confirm that I have, in fact, made the teacher aware of the situation and there will be no shitting or vomiting on herself on my watch to which she responds by giving me the side eye as she maintains her 15-foot buffer and mutters, “Whatever!” I catch up and kiss her goodbye just to show her whose boss.
Just to make the morning even more magnificent than being caught in public wearing leggings as pants and looking like a homeless person covered in sweat and frustration, I was greeted while exiting the building by the annoyingly good looking 20-something year old vice principal who I serve on the school board with. I thought parenting was supposed to get easier as our children got older so why am I feeling like I’ve just been water boarded by a tiny tyrant with a pimple on her chin and a really terrible, no good, very bad Napoleon complex?
If this tyrant attitude is hanging around for the teen years, I may not survive.
2016/01/05
Fat Girl Walking
There have been days where I’ve looked in the mirror and all I can see is the fat girl I’ve become and nothing else. Those days are over. You know the saying; “One day she believed she could and so she did”? That’s me this morning. I’m doing. I’m a little scared because this is the third time I’ve started this journey in 6 years. I’ve yet to get to my destination and I’m an all or nothing kind of person, so either I’m losing or I’m gaining. Not intentionally, mind you.
It just seems if I’m not actively trying to lose, I throw the baby out with the bath water and just eat anything and everything I want. You know the whole, “to hell with it, this days ruined anyways ” attitude. That’s how I got where I’m at today… 100 pounds away from where I need to be.
So, I’m sitting in a green, plastic chair feeling kind of sick in my stomach, you know that feeling you get when you leap without looking? Waiting for my first meeting (first day of the rest of my life and all that). The most humiliating part is over; a stranger has weighed me. She knows my weight. I can’t kill her, so I guess I’d better change it. That’s how I function, deadlines and public shaming.
What’s brought me here today? An airplane ride to Los Angeles was my come to Jesus meeting. Yep, airplane rides always remind me that I need to lose weight. You see, depending on the airline, every flight is a “cross your fingers, pray to God, hope the damn seatbelt fits” situation. It always does but lately, I’ve had to suck in more than I want to.
Then there was the layover in Minneapolis that had me literally running across the entire airport to make my next flight. I REALLY thought I was going to have a heart attack, right there in Minnesota. I was out of breath, coughing and my heart was pounding. I coughed and wheezed and it took me about 15 minutes to recover. Then it happened, I realized that I shouldn’t be putting my life in imminent danger trying to catch a flight. That’s not the call I want my husband and daughters to get.
All I could think, as I was fighting for my breath was…
Fat Girl Walking.
I was sure that someone recorded the entire thing and I was going to end up on Youtube or as a hilarious GIF. That was 3 weeks ago. This morning I’m sitting at Weight Watchers.
I’ve been here before. The first time, it worked and then we moved mid weight loss journey and everything got screwed up because if you’ve ever done Weight Watchers, you know that your meeting leader and the people in the meeting make a big difference. Then, I started Weight Watchers only to find out 2 weeks later that I was pregnant. This is my third time and my last time because this time, I’m not stopping.
Last month, I wrote a post about the Burden of being a Fat Woman. Then I met and heard from some incredible women who said that they could relate. All I could see when I looked at them was amazing women. Not fat. Not obesity. I saw their beautiful kind hearts and it made me sad that they could identify with my burden. Why couldn’t I do the same for myself? That’s when I decided to change the things I can, accept the things I can’t and to have the wisdom to know the difference.
I will never be 107 pounds again, nor do I even want to be because when I was, I was not healthy. I was probably the unhealthiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. I can accept that. I want to be healthy and I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. I want to be around in 50 years. I want to see my daughters go to prom, graduate from college, get married, have babies of their own and be happy. I want to live, not just exist. I want to be able to run across the damn Minneapolis airport if I want to without being in danger of dropping dead. I can change that. I know the difference between what is unattainable and what is realistic.
My mind is right. My heart is ready and my body desperately needs this. I deserve this. I’m doing this.
I’m letting go of my fat girl status.
2015/03/20
What Really Happens at the Water Park (Family Blooper Reel)
Last weekend, I went to a Great Wolf Lodge Water park with my family and I took my GoPro HERO4 Black. I got it for my birthday last year and I know everyone was wondering what the heck a “mom” was going to do with that camera. I mean no one wants to see first person diaper changes, toddler tantrums or tween eye rolls, right? It’s not like I’m jumping off of cliffs or going to be skydiving anytime soon but still, I think being a mom is pretty exciting stuff so I started bringing it with me on trips.
Mostly, I’ve been using it for recording purposes, just like I would any other camera but when I made our reservations for the water park, I packed the GoPro and my new XSORIES: U-Float 100% waterproof and buoyant handheld camera mount because I thought I might catch some fun shots of the girls or capture a thrilling ride down a waterslide.
Oh, I caught something all right. I caught my entire family losing their minds on the Tornado waterslide. Unfortunately, my husband was the one recording so mostly you see my oldest daughter and I completely losing our minds. I like to think of it as my own personal Mom’s Gone Wild video, wild as in primitive, primal and out of control of her reactions.
This video is not normally something that I would share because well, I am definitely not showing my “best” side plus I’m in a bathing suit. But you know, life is short and I’m always honest with you about what my life really looks like so I’m sharing the video of what most people really look like when they ride terrifying waterslides. Nobody can keep their composure and be cute all the time and I have to say this crazy little video made my entire family laugh.
We will never forget our weekend at Great Wolf Lodge thanks to this water park video.
I know a lot of people share what they want you to know on social media; painting the picture of the perfect life. I don’t do that. My life is complicated, sometimes hard and crazy beautiful because even when life’s harder than hard, I have the 3 other people on this inner tube to laugh, cry and love with. I am blessed to be able to have these moments.
So, here I share it with you and I encourage you to share it with anyone you know who needs a good laugh because people being terrified as they are being thrilled is funny to watch. Just don’t judge me on my bathing suit body. I’m a work in progress. Aren’t we all?
What’s the best water park or adventure vacation you’ve ever taken your family on?
Disclosure: I was provided the Xsories U Float camera mount for review purposes but all opinions and water park mayhem are my own.
2015/04/07
Does Advanced Maternal Age Really Mean You’re Too Old to Give Birth?
What do you consider advanced maternal age?
What age do you think is too old to have a baby?
Pushing aside, finances and social norms what is your cut off date? I had always said I’d never have a baby after 35.
I know. I was so adorable thinking in absolutes. I drew that line in the sand before I knew anything about life.
Then I found myself wonderfully and unexpectantly pregnant at 39 and I couldn’t think of a reason in the world why that would be wrong. I was scared; terrified to be exact. I’d heard all the horror stories of all the things that could go wrong.
READ ALSO: Unexpectantly pregnant at 39
In the end, it didn’t work out the way we had hoped but if it could have, I was absolutely ready to have another baby because even though my eggs might have been 39, my mind and heartfelt 25. Does that matter? How much does that factor in?
Is 39 too old to have a baby?
A German woman, Annegret Raunigk, is about to make history as the world’s oldest woman to give birth to quadruplets.
The 65-year-old mother of 13 and grandmother to 7 already made the news ten years ago when she gave birth to her daughter Leila at the age of 55. Well, she’s making news again now because Leila has requested a younger sibling.
The things we won’t do for our children, right?
After several rounds of artificial insemination, Raunigk finally became pregnant with four embryos. Thankfully, the pregnancy hasn’t had any major complications so far.
Is 65 too advanced maternal age to have a baby?
Of course, Raunigk has been blasted with questions regarding the pregnancy, her age and the effect the pregnancy might have on her and her unborn children’s bodies. This is her response…
“I’m not actually afraid. I simply assume I’ll remain healthy and fit. In matters of organization I have enough experience, that’s not new for me.” When asked about the “moral implications” of being pregnant at her age by German broadcaster RTL, she had this to say “How does one have to be at 65? One must apparently always fit some cliches which I find rather tiring . . . I think, one must decide that for oneself.”
I am all for living your life your way and I don’t think it is anyone else’s business to tell anyone, man or woman, what to do with their body. Female empowerment is one of my life causes and anyone who has been a long time reader of The TRUTH knows that I am a ferocious advocate for women’s rights, reproductive especially. I don’t believe in putting people into boxes or labeling human beings.
READ ALSO: My truth about motherhood
However, in this case, I think there is something that no one has mentioned, what about those children? Granted the children may be perfectly healthy and happy, which would be ideal and I don’t necessarily think it’s my business to tell anyone when and how to have their babies but what happens in 20 years when these babies are 20 years old and she could quite possibly be dead?
It’s one thing to survive a pregnancy and delivery at 65-years-old but it’s quite another to bring a child into the world that you won’t be around to be available to them. My mom is 65-years-old and you can’t tell me that she would be able to be the same mom to a newborn as she was to me.
I realize that any of us can die at any time and age has nothing to do with how much we love our children but I just feel like giving birth at 65-years-old could be irresponsible and not fair to the children because 20-years-old is too young to not have your parent. This is a very real possibility for these babies.
Parenting is something we do for our entire lives and our children need us to guide and love them well into adulthood. Maybe that’s naïve of me but when I read this story I felt sad knowing that this mother might not be around to see these children grow to adulthood, get married or have their own children.
I guess the world is full of uncertainties and unexpected blessings and we can only do our best to thrive in our current situation but I feel that the emphasis in this entire situation should be on the children and not Ms. Raunigk.
What advanced maternal age do you think is too old to have a baby?
2015/04/15