The TRUTH About Motherhood

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How to Raise Brave Women and Compassionate Humans
As many of you know, I don’t often have posts written by guest writers but when I do, they are usually amazing writers with something important to say. Today, I have the privilege of sharing with you one of my dearest friends, Amanda Magee, who just happens to be one of the strongest, bravest, samrtest and kindest women I know. She also happens to be a damn great writer. She is a writer’s writer. Did I mention she is raising three amazing girls who I am sure will be the change they want to see in the world because that is exactly what their mom is exemplifying for them? Thank you, Amanda, for sharing your words and truth here. If you’d like to read more of Amanda, be sure to check her out on her blog.
A quick introduction, my name is Amanda Magee. I live in upstate New York where I own an advertising and communications agency and am raising three daughters. Deborah and I met by chance at a blogging conference a few years back. Over the years we have bonded over parenting daughters and being strong willed women in the world. She has invited me to write here a couple of times and despite my not having come through, she kept asking; the last time after I posted about our experience marching at an Anti-Trump rally with our daughters. I am so grateful for hearts, minds, and voices like Deborah’s.
A couple of years ago I found myself thinking that I knew how to forecast the years ahead. I bought into the idea that hormones were going to be the thing I had to focus on, but it wasn’t true. Yes, there are emotional highs and lows; yes, my three daughters are not yet in the thick of puberty at 8, 10, and 12, but what has become central to our reality is how we will navigate the world—not during our menstrual cycles, more in light of the fact that we (will) have menstrual cycles.
How do I raise brave women? How do I equip them with both confidence and suspicion? Is it possible to raise them to be good citizens and compassionate human beings in the same breath as I say that there are people who will break rules and take without asking? How do I tell them that they can make all the best decisions and still be hurt?
Zits and thigh gap? We’ll be fine, slurs muttered at the mention of homosexual family members and systemic defense and promotion of “boys will be boys” and “you shouldn’t be upset, he just wanted to talk to you,” those are the things that demand my attention.
Over the last year, I’ve begun to speak more plainly with my daughters and I’ll be honest, it’s been bittersweet. I wanted to give them the cocoon of childhood as long as I could, but when conversation on the bus turns to building a wall, grabbing pussies, and sending people away I have a choice, do I defer the world view shaping to other kids and influences or do I talk to them about the spectrum of views? I chose the latter.
I’ve never once painted one side of politics as evil and the other as benevolent, because despite being a lifelong, pro-choice, feminist liberal, I don’t hate Republicans or Conservatives. The only thing I really hate is hate, which is why we were an anti-Trump house and why we are committed to continuing to speak up against the motions that take us as a country to greater stances of division. It’s new territory for me, because I have always looked at the person holding the office of president as our leader. I cannot do that this time.
I am looking to people like Deborah, I am listening to black women, people from the trans community, I am questioning the decisions of lawmakers, and I am donating to organizations like Planned Parenthood and the Southern Poverty Law Center. We as a family are committing to being engaged at the local and regional level, not just every four years. We are reading books like Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls. I am heartbroken that so many people didn’t vote; I am distressed that many people, myself included, have had moments of silence that made them complicit in hate or systemic racism. We are choosing to adhere to a policy of living our beliefs out loud and in public, because the alternative is the kind of inaction that lets hate fester and threaten to overtake us all.
Photos Courtesy Amanda Magee
2016/11/23
What’s so Special about the Nutcracker Ballet?
This past week, Bella performed in her 7^th Nutcracker and Gabs in her 4th. I remember Bella’s 1^st like it was yesterday. I remember how my heart swelled and that tiny little snowflake made my heart burst. I thought that was it. That was as big as a mama’s heart could get. I was wrong.
The girls are getting older and the parts are getting more advanced technically and more detailed. They are no longer the littlest ballerinas practicing for a month for one singular part on stage for 30 seconds in the first half. They have advanced into the world of double castings and multiple roles. They are battling in the first half, quick changing and ethereally descending upon the land of sweets in Act 2. This is exciting if not exhausting.
READ ALSO: The Tiniest Soldier

Gabi’s 1st Nutcracker

They embrace every new part and responsibility like it’s their job. You know, if you really loved your job. Every night since Thanksgiving weekend, the girls have been at either rehearsal or performances after school from 4 to 11 p.m. and that doesn’t even include the school performances they were a part of during 3 of those days.
I am awed at how they not only endure this grueling schedule but embrace every single moment of it. They came home every night either dressed their American Girl dolls as the cast of the Nutcracker and reenacted the ballet or they played the Marinsky Nutcracker on-demand and danced along. How they had the energy, I will never know but they thrive in this environment. I’m exhausted just from driving them, I can’t imagine how tired I’d be if I were actually dancing every day.
The thing with ballet and any ballet mom will tell you this, is that it takes an inordinate amount of discipline and dedication, especially when you are in those transition years between a child and a young woman. That is where my girls are at. Bella is at ballet 5 days a week and she loves every single moment. She is excited to go there; to dance and to be with her friends. It’s taken me 9 years but I finally realized that dance is not something you do, it’s a way of life.
READ ALSO: Stolen Moments
This year, Gabi was an angel for the second year and Bella was the lead soldier in the brigade and the biggest bonbon. Both girls did an amazing job and I’m not just saying that as their mom, I’m saying that as an avid ballet enthusiast.
The one thing that I will never forget about this year’s Nutcracker is not the backstage drama (which there is always plenty of), the difficulty of quick change make-up and costume changes or even the sheer coma-like exhaustion we all succumb to during Nutcracker season, no the thing I will never forget is seeing my daughters’ faces light up as soon as the music begins to swell.

First, let me preface this by saying that every time that I see my daughters’ perform, I get a little misty eyed. I’m a mom, that’s what you do when you see them growing up right before your eyes. However, I don’t normally get so choked up that the tears linger long after the show is over. That happened to me this year.
Seeing your child do something for the first time, never gets old. Watching your child take the stage after months of practice, rehearsals and dedication and absolutely nailing it is priceless but seeing your child exude true, real happiness when performing is moving.
This year, for the first time in a long time, when Bella took the stage as a Bon Bon I saw real happiness not only exude but actually escape her. She was smiling so hard and enjoying herself so much that you couldn’t help but enjoy her performance. It wasn’t the fake performance smile that all mothers know too well, it was genuine, complete and confident satisfaction with herself. I didn’t just get misty-eyed, I full on cried and then I cried again over dinner that night two hours later because I got so choked up remembering that smile, the same one I saw the time she took her first step.
The girls did an amazing job and I’m so proud of them. They are already discussing which parts they hope to get next year. Collectively they’ve already played a little snowflake, a parrot, a page, an angel (X4), a baby soldier, soldier brigade (x2), a mouse and a Bon Bon. Who knows what the next year might bring? What I do know is that I will be there; watching from side stage as my girls give me a thumbs up, a wink or a special smile and I’ll be in the audience watching and getting choked up like I always do because that’s what we do. I’ll be there to support their dreams however I need to.
What’s been a moment in parenting where you’ve just been so proud of your child that you almost couldn’t keep your composure?
2016/12/14
How Scrambled Eggs Made My Marriage Sexy Again
How scrambled eggs made my marriage sexy again or as I like to say, the truest marriage story ever told.
Marriage is different for every single couple. We all have these preconceived notions of what a marriage should look like based on what we experienced within in our own family. On top of that, we all view love from the perspective of our love language; and apparently most of us don’t speak the same language.
For me, my parents’ marriage looked like two people who loved each other, except for when they didn’t. There was a lot of physical attraction and affection but there were definite gender roles. There was no shortage of PDA in our house but they were not equals.
In their marriage, they were not equals and neither spoke the other’s love language.
My dad was in charge and my mom was slightly above the children in her social standing within the family. He took care of her and she liked that but the price of being taken care of was being treated like a dependent instead of a partner. I knew then that was not what I wanted out of a marriage. What I wanted was a strong man who could handle a strong woman. I wanted us to be in life together.
My dad took care of the outside things like going to a job and providing for us, barbecuing, taking care of the cars and the lawn. My mom took care of everything inside the house, including the six children and all the household chores, grocery shopping, kissing booboos and cooking. Never did the two roles meet. That’s not how my marriage is.at.all.
My marriage is equal.
Our marriage is one of partners. I know everybody says it, but my husband really has been my best friend since college. We do what we are good at. Sometimes we do fall into those traditional roles. My dad taught me how to change the oil and my tires but I haven’t since I met my husband. I used to mow the lawn but my husband does to so mostly, I let him do it. Of course, I don’t see anyone fist fighting the cleaning fairy to do the dishes up in this mother but if I ask, the Big Guy always jumps in and loads the dishwasher. And the man is a clothes washing beast on the weekends. Folding? No, that’s another story.
But overall we both do whatever needs to be done. But I do work from home so it’s always just been assumed, by both of us, that I will do the drop offs, pick-ups and volunteering. I pack the lunches and make most of the meals. Though he is always willing to make dinner on the weekends and any night the girls and I are stuck late at ballet. To be honest, he is a much better cook than me.
My husband is pretty freaking awesome. I mean he’s married to me and he’s never asked me to be anything less than who I am and believe me, I am a handful. He’s my biggest cheerleader and my partner in this crime we call parenting. But he did something the other morning that took him to a next level. Yes, the man just leveled up on his husband game. I didn’t even think it was possible. I mean, if you ever talk to my mom she will tell you, he is a damn good man. Seems, the Big Guy is fluent in my love language. He might not speak Spanish, but he is a native speaker in Debi.
In one small chore for husbands, one giant leap for husband-kind he became the sexiest man alive over breakfast on Tuesday. He did something so small but so huge that I can’t believe every husband hasn’t offered to do it. If they only knew the benefits they would reap, there would be an epidemic of feminist men.
Firstly, let me preface this by saying that last week, out of the blue for the first time in 7 years of having children in school, he offered to start dropping the girls at school on the regular. He does it when I need him to but he offered to do it daily. For no reason.
This act of service instantly spoke to my love language.
First, I was shocked. Then I assumed that he must be having an affair and then I was so giddy to know that he was going to get them to school that I convinced myself I could forgive the affair. ( Babe, if you are reading this….I’m just kidding, you know the rules.) That means I no longer have to argue with them about being late (they don’t pull that shit with him), I don’t stress out for the first hour of my day AND I gained an extra hour to my day. It’s brilliant and I’m not going to lie, he got my juices flowing with this out of the blue act of kindness.
I mean, he’s thoughtful and sweet and caring and all those other things but he’s human. Both of us always consider the other one but no one is going out of their way to eliminate the normal day-to-day minutia.
Then, on Tuesday, he blew my mind. He got up, already going to give them a ride to school, and he made them breakfast. BOOM! What? I almost fell over dead because I didn’t even ask him to do it. There he was, like a freaking sexy angel, making the girls scrambled eggs. That eliminated the, “What do you want for breakfast” headache, leaving me with only the, “What do you want for lunch,” struggle. I didn’t think it was possible to fall deeper in love with this man but I did. Not going to lie, it took everything in my body, not to throw him on the counter and take him right there. Anyways, apparently, scrambling eggs for kids gets my motor running these days. Remember when it was a nice ass and abs?
Anyways, that ignited something in me and my husband has gone from regular, old “I love you” sexy to hottest mother effer on the planet. I’ve spent all day the last two days trying to figure out how to kick things up to carnival ride status in the bedroom because him making scrambled eggs, more importantly alleviating the need for me to do so, has just made me want to rock his world. His love language is physical touch.
Now, if I could just get the girls to stay out of our bed maybe I could thank him properly for those scrambled eggs.
That’s how scrambled eggs made my husband the sexiest man alive. What little thing does your partner do that speaks directly to your love language?
2017/01/18
How to Survive Holiday Road Trips with Children of All Ages
The holidays are my favorite time of year. There is just something about the chaos of it all that makes me energized. I thrive on the craziness. It’s my happy place, especially when you add in baked goods, holiday music and all the twinkling lights your heart can desire. There is one part however that I could give a good pass on; holiday travel.
It’s not that I don’t like traveling. I love it. I love visiting family. I love going home. I love seeing new sites and old ones too. I even love the actual act of traveling…the journey, not just the destination but during the holidays, traffic is a special kind of hell. Everyone is trying to get somewhere and all of us are getting nowhere fast. There is nothing I hate more than being stuck. The worst kind of stuck is in an enclosed compartment for long hours with no possibility of escape and children.
My children have fortunately inherited my wanderlust and verve for life. They’ve unfortunately also inherited my lack of patience. On the precipice of tweendom, they are far more pleasing travel companions than they were as toddlers. Aside from the occasional, about 25 times an hour, inquiry, “are we there yet?” they tolerate long trips very well. Nothing a pair of good noise canceling headphones can’t rectify. But when they were tiny, as cute as they were, they were the worst.
Road tripping with toddlers is not for the weak. A few years back on a quick trip to Virginia to check out the city for a job move, we found this out the hard way. The girls were just about 2 and 4-years-old. We decided in our youth and naiveté that a long drive across the country was just what our sanity needed.
The area was one of the most gorgeous parts of the country that I’ve ever been. The weather was perfect, the scenery beautiful, large metropolitan cities concealed by nature. There as nothing not to love about the destination.
The 12-hour journey with toddlers, however, left much to be desired. My, otherwise, sweet loving girls apparently had a time limit to being constrained in those 5 point harnesses. On a good day that was a trip across town. You can imagine their state of mind at the very thought of taking their very first long road trip imprisoned in those body shackles.
My rambunctious eldest insisted on asking, every 20 minutes, “Are we there yet?” I always thought that question was a parenting cliché but now I realize that it is, in fact, the truth of traveling with children. I never realized how frazzling that could be to me as a person. I thought “those” moms have no patience. Just say, “Not yet, in a little while.” Why all the overreaction? Then I realized that it can actually bring you to the brink of insanity and make a grown woman ugly cry if asked in the right voice and enough times over a 12-hour period.
While the oldest was hitting us with the barrage of “Are we there yet”s the youngest was freaking out over a gnat. Yes, a gnat, that supposedly must have been the scariest, meanest, baby eating gnat you ever did see because, god bless her little bitty heart, she screamed bloody murder for at least 3 hours of the trip. We were all ticking time bombs.
In summation, my 4-year-old was wondering if we were there yet, every single second of every single minute we were on the road. My 2-year-old was being terrorized by a gnat and screaming so highly pitched, that all the dogs of the world were seeking her out to eat her and end the misery. I was on the brink of insanity, on the verge of losing the battle and my poor beloved husband was trying to plot his course to the nearest gunsmith to rent a gun and buy a bullet.
Then I pulled out my bag of tricks because obviously, the 1200 DVDs that I brought were not holding their attention. First, we colored (you know those Wonder Crayola colors that magically appear on the special paper but nothing else. That’s what you think, but that’s another story entirely), then we colored the glittery ones, then we colored My Little Pony. We sang, only the songs that they know so we had Bella’s favorites, “Twinkle, Twinkle” and “Mary had a little Lamb” and Gabi’s favorites “Happy Burtday to you!” and ” Five, Five Dolla..Five Dolla foot long!”
Yes, my 2-year-old was obsessed with the Subway commercial jingle. Have you any idea how many times they used to play that thing? I do, because she sang it incessantly for her second year. Don’t get me wrong, in the right context, it was absolutely adorable. She was the cutest thing that ever walked the earth, besides her sister, of course, but everything in moderation. Interrupted only by the “Are we there yet?” inquiry of her sister.
So on the brink of insanity, on the way to the gun shop, we stopped at lunch to let them stretch their tiny legs at some wayward Wendy’s in West Virginia. Not my idea, have you seen Wrong Turn?
We got lunch, they had ants in their pants and couldn’t keep still. We got the food, the chicken flavored whatsamanuggets are not done, still doughy,”EWWWW, gross”, as my daughter liked to say. I returned them. We waited again, I returned with nuggets, all is good in the land.
Then a “fly” dared to descend upon the table. All hell broke loose. Toddlers jumping everywhere, screaming, crying, running away in terror. I mentioned it was a fly and not Godzilla, right? Not a horsefly, just a regular old house fly! In true fix the situation fast fashion, I took off my flip flop and the untimely death of one unsuspecting fly ensued. All was good in the land.
Then Gabs, because all of the attention we just received was apparently not enough for her, screamed, at the absolute top of her lungs “EWWWW, FAARTED.Stinks”. Absolutely, mortified, I say ” OK, honey, it’s OK.” Then I realize, amongst all of the commotion, she did not have any kind of flatulation incident. Apparently, she just thought it was funny and liked to take credit, really loudly.
The point of all of this recounted trauma is that I am so thankful for things like Netflix and noise canceling headphones and toddlers who have grown into tweens who now find many ways of entertaining themselves. Daddy’s hotspot has saved us all many times on long road trips to Disney.
If you are looking for something to binge on your next long trip. My top recommendations are Alias Grace, Godless, She’s Gotta Have it, Glitch, Frontier, Man Down and Stranger Things.
For the tweens, I recommend Riverdale, Stranger Things, Anne with an E and my girls’ favorite, Project MC2.
For the toddlers/preschoolers whom I adore, Octonauts, Beat Bugs, Super Monsters, PJMasks and Word Party which are all available for download.
Speaking of long drives to Disney World, did I mention all of the amazing Disney Movies that Netflix currently has in the queue? What are you binging right now?
Disclosure: I am a member of Netflix’s #StreamTeam but all opinions and genuine love for Netflix are my own.

2017/11/30
Will the Rise of AI Influencers make Human Beings Obsolete?
Artificial Intelligence (AI) is the next logical step in technology, right? We knew it was coming. We’ve been waiting for Rosie from the Jetsons to be a real thing forever but what happens when AI becomes our normal reality and can do almost everything humans can do?
We’ve all seen the movies but I’m here to tell you that the future is now. While listening to Dr. Michio Kaku give his keynote at LiveWorx in Boston last month, I was blown away. It made me start really thinking about how long it would be until humans were useless because let’s face it, humans are flawed.
Humans are by design flawed by emotion, memories and physics. A human body wearies. A human brain is imperfect and, in many cases, damaged by chemistry. We love, we hate, we worry and we fail. In the end, we live on a curve. We peak and then we decline.
We gain wisdom. We grow. We experience. We emote in a way only human beings are able to do. We are perfectly imperfect and for all of our flaws, this is the very thing that makes us special and irreplaceable on some level. Our humanity makes us indispensable.
Perfection has always been our goal as human beings. At least, it’s always been mine. Logically, I know it’s impossible and unattainable but that has never stopped me in my pursuit. Therein lies my flaw; my failure. Chasing a ghost.
Then, this past week I learned about Miquela Sousa, aka Lil Miquela internet phenomenon with, at last count, 1.2 million followers on Instagram. More and more businesses and influencers are flocking to Instagram. And with companies such as Upleap.com, it’s now easier to get Instagram followers. Meanwhile, I’m stuck at around 3.5K Instagram followers. Oh, did I mention that Miquela is an AI Influencer created by BRUD, an artificial intelligence startup?
She has a backstory and everything. She’s a 20-year-old, Los Angeles-based Brazilian/Spanish model rocking streetwear and couture alike with brands like Chanel, Heron Preston and Supreme featured. It’s easy for her to look perfect, say all the right things and wear all the right things because she has been created out of thin air; the fantasy of some human’s imagination.
Lil Miquela has been vocal about the Black Lives Matter movement and Families Belong Together and has even caught the eye of beauty guru Pat McGrath becoming his latest muse. Miquela updates her followers on her everyday “life”, inserting relatable captions in her photos, hanging with her “friends” and eating froyo — completely ignoring the fact that she does not actually exist. Apparently, so do many of her followers even after she outed herself as an AI Influencer.

Virtual influencers are labeled as the start of a new chapter in influencer marketing, peaking the interest of major brands. The thing that bothers me is that she’s influencing humans and she’s not human. It’s a manipulation by a tech startup on all of humankind.
What I mean is that it’s easy for an AI influencer to be flawless because they are computer generated, the creation of a human in the pursuit of unachievable perfection. Miquela can easily have a perfect body and flawless skin because reality has no bearing on her existence. She will be perfect in perpetuity.
Which makes me sad because if you think girls/ women have been unfairly influenced by anorexic models who are airbrushed sending many regular girls into spirals of depression from not being able to attain the perfection of an airbrushed human existence, what the hell do you think is going to happen when our little girls are trying to look like an AI Influencer? Is it even possible? Probably not without extreme body modifications and even then, most likely still impossible.
Setting aside my own experience with body dysmorphic disorder and anorexia, ignoring my entire parenting lifetime of actively raising little girls to love themselves in a world where they are objectified like pieces of meat, what about the ethical fact that the people who created these AI Influencers are trying to dupe mankind? The stakes have never been higher for our little girls and now, we go beyond the human situation into the AI existence? We are systematically making ourselves irrelevant.
Our collective obsession with technology continues to increase daily as we push the boundaries of what technology can do. Building online connections is the norm. People don’t bother with face-to-face anymore because digital is faster, more efficient. Social media has become an integral part of our daily lives, birthing “influencer marketing” with many people looking to mimic the unattainable lives of celebrities. In response to this behavior, a never-ending quest for authenticity has emerged as we look to follow those who have lifestyles that are more relatable to our own. We’ve come full circle. Does that mean that influencer marketing is dead? Nope, it’s here to stay. But instead of following photoshopped influencers we’re being manipulated into following AI influencers; avatars who have human-like characteristics, both physically and emotionally.
The thing is that compared to human influencers, who are more susceptible to criticism, unpredictability and drama, there lies an opportunity here for brands to develop virtual content with AI Influencers with none of those issues. Which means that now, instead of human influencers gaming the system with airbrushing, professional photographers and perfectly staged photos of a life that doesn’t exist we’ve moved on to actual fake people because they are easier to control. We can order them up to our specifications eliminating human flaw from the equation. Sounds good, right?
Nope. We are being lied to and we are punitively relating to the human existence. But there is something that an AI Influencer cannot do, it cannot relate on a human level. Meaning, sure Miquela can put in her Insta bio that #BlackLivesMatter but doesn’t exist and has no idea what life even means. She can’t understand the concept of oppression and the desire for equality because she can’t feel; the very thing that makes us human. Maybe we humans are imperfect, flawed and messy but there is nothing like it. Until we live in a world where only AI beings exist there will always be a need for humans if only to create the AI influencers that we can relate to because without a human driving the experience, it would be completely unrelatable. A complete disconnect.
The way that computers have become invaluable in our pursuit of efficiency and knowledge, I do believe AI will be indispensable in these same ways but an inanimate object will never be able to empathize in any meaningful way and what is our world without that connection?
How do you feel about AI Influencers, virtual influencers, not only taking jobs from human influencers but actually influencing our children who are manipulated into believing that an AI persona is an actual human being?
2018/07/03
Huffpost
Client: Huffpost
Website: http://huffpost.com
Task: Freelance Writer
https://www.parenting.com/users/truthfulmommy

2019/03/30
This Blogger’s Life…Jessica Escobar
This week, I am so proud and excited to welcome Jessica Escobar of Jess in the ATX to This Blogger’s Life. It’s not often that I gush about anyone ( other than my kids) but Jessica truly is my Latina sister from another mister. Aside from being a whip smart lawyer working in a law firm and superhero mom & wife by night, she is an amazing woman who writes from the heart. In her quiet, classy way ( yes, she is my complete opposite in this area) she is fierce and loves and lives BIG. She is an all in kind of woman with a heart as big as Texas. When you talk to her, she is one of those rare people who actually listens and is present. She makes you feel like you matter and this is a gift that many lack.
I don’t know exactly how many years that I have “known” Jessica but it feels like I have known her forever. That’s what it feels like reading her blog, like you are sitting down at the kitchen table with a dear old friend you’ve grown up with and know one another’s secrets. That is the beauty of blogging friends, they know the secrets that you might not tell your in real life friends because it’s just too damn hard to utter the words of weakness or fear but online, for me anyways, I can speak freely and never hold my tongue. I appreciate that in other writers as well because then I feel like I know the real them; flawed and imperfectly awesome. Jessica is so much more to me than what a quick blurb could ever describe so I will leave you with this, please check out her blog Jess in the ATX and see for yourself what a true warrior looks like; quietly stoic and ever pressing on, never giving up. I admire this Jess more than she knows. You will thank me for having the chance to get to know such a truly, strong, amazing and authentic woman. Jess is more than just one of my favorite people on the Internet, she is one of my people in the world. She’s the real deal and you will be a better person for having known her. I dare you to see her smiling avatar and not have a better day. That’s Jess, she lights up the world.
This Blogger’s Life… Jessica Escobar

Why did you start blogging?
I started blogging a few years ago as a way to share my stories about my daughter. It was a way to share her funny moments and my proud mommy moments. It was less about me and more about her.
What’s one piece of advice that you would give to a new blogger?
Don’t make it about trying to be like “that other blogger over there who does that big stuff”. It isn’t about trying to be big. You can’t compare yourself or try to copy their style. You have to have your own voice and speak from your heart.
What are the three words that describe you best?
proud, strong, caring
What is your favorite website?
Hmmm that’s tough. I really don’t have one! I really don’t surf the net. I have a very small list of blogs I love. It’s definitely not the mainstream ones.
What is your favorite thing to do when you’re not blogging?
Running. I’m out of the habit but it’s something that I’m working to get back into it. It’s my release and my me time. Self care is VERY Important and something that often gets neglected as a mama.
What’s the most important thing you’ve learned about yourself from blogging?
You have to find your voice. It’s easy to be scared of what the people in your “real life” will think of you. It’s so much easier to build a community who truly understand and support you. I’m proud to share my experiences because you never know who is reading and understands what you’re going through.
How do you balance life and blogging?
Right now I’m on “hiatus.” That’s a nice way of saying I’m having a dry spell. And I’m ok with that. Sometimes you just don’t have the words and when you aren’t trying to be the next big thing that’s fine. You can’t be hard on yourself and force the words out or you won’t enjoy yourself. You have to make the time when you want to and it’ll just balance yourself out.
How has blogging changed you or your life?
It has given me an absolutely amazing community of women who have been the most wonderful support system and group of friends that I wish I had in my community. They are the best bunch of women that I’ve never met. It’s so true that some of your best friends can live in your computer.
What do you think makes a successful blog? A great blog? Are they one in the same?
They are definitely similar but not necessarily the same, not to me. A successful blog is the one that gets all the big traffic and the one that people know. They have all the “big sponsors” and they’re the ones that people want to be like. That’s all good and great. And there’s the GREAT blogs. It’s being awesome but more than hits. They’re the ones like Deb who truly speak they’re minds and are real and open and about LIFE. Many bloggers speak from the heart. Sometimes you blog for the hits. We’ve all done it and it happens. No harm no foul.
If you were to stop blogging today, what would you do with the rest of your life?
I would be fine. I would look back at what I wrote and be proud. But I would never let go of my blogging community.

How do you balance telling your story, without telling the story of others in your life?
That’s the hard part. I have to balance my true story with the privacy of my family. I struggle with that a lot. I really censor myself because I fight depression and anxiety. I don’t want people in my personal life to read it and judge my husband or my girls and think they are getting less than a wife or a mother. It’s also why I’ve pulled back on what I say about them. It’s a hard road to walk but it really is up to you as a blogger to decide how much you share and who your audience is. I’m very weary of my real life people, and that’s just because I am reserved with them in real life. I’m not one way online and different in person.
Blogging has changed a lot, just since I started 5 years ago, what do you miss about blogging in the early days? What do you love that has changed?
Blogging seemed to be a lot more carefree. Then you go through the phase where you want to really grow and get big. Then you get over it and just want to be.

How do you consistently come up with relevant and shareable content?
I really try to speak from the heart. A lot of that has to do with parenting, because damn that shiz is hard work! I think that’s something a lot of other women struggle with. We question our skills but often we just underestimate ourselves.
If you could have a dinner party for 6 people, living or dead, who would you invite?
OMG, Steve Jobs. I just finished his bio and I’m obsessed. My mom. She passed of cancer in 2006. DEB! Damn I love that girl. She’s so real. Three other computer friends. 🙂 I’m not a star gazer, so no one famous.
What’s the one thing that people would be surprised to learn about you?
I’m actually on a social media hiatus and that kind of happened during my depression. I’m just removed from social media and not really interested and that’s ok! The people that I’m connected to know where to find me and I know where to find them. I think that’s why I’m disconnected from the internet right now.

What’s the one post that you are most proud of?
The one where I laid it all out about my postpartum anxiety. I was really scared to hit publish because I had to admit that I’m human. What’s more? I sent it to a few people in my family.
https://justjessatx.com/postpartum-depression-maternal-mental-health/
Jess, Thank you so much for letting me interview you on This Blogger’s Life! You truly are one of my favorite people in the world and you know I am not about blowing smoke and rainbows up butts, so you when I say it, you know I mean it. Keep on keeping on, mama! You are an extraordinary woman and I feel blessed to be called your friend. XOXO
If you want to know more about Jess, check out the blog, JESS in the ATX on Facebook and @Jessesco on Twitter.
You will wonder why you didn’t have Jessica Escobar in your life sooner:)
2014/08/08
My Dream Mother’s Day this Year is Different than You’d Expect
Normally, for Mother’s Day, all I want is a day of peace and rest. The kids leave me alone (except for hugs and kisses in the morning) and the Big Guy assumes 100% of all the parenting and household duties. This has been my dream Mother’s Day for many years and I’ve been living the dream.

I’ll gladly accept homemade cards, baubles and gift cards for massages. I love all of those things. But mostly I love sleeping in, no bickering, not having to do dishes or cook or think. I love binging R-rated movies and blasting the music that I want to listen to as loud as I want. Now if a cleaning fairy would just show up and dust and fold all the clothes (and put them away).

However, this year is different. Monday I was told I’m sick. Really sick. Life-threateningly sick. So this year, while I would love to sleep in and have no bickering or do any menial household chores, I mostly want to enjoy my family because that I’ll always be here is not a given. That I can send them into another room while I binge Netflix alone isn’t what I want. This year, I feel like I can’t take anything for granted.

Maybe I won’t be secluding myself this year, as I’ve done for many other Mother’s Days. I won’t be over planning or trying to fit someone else’s expectation of what Mother’s Day is supposed to look like either. I don’t want roses or brunch at the Waldorf, I just want to relax and not have to be anywhere or do anything. I want to live a day at my leisure with no responsibility and yes, this year, I want it to be with my family.

I want snuggles and cuddles and kisses and hugs. I want talking and laughing and enjoying one another’s company. I want memories and nostalgia and never letting go. I want to be a Mother because not everyone gets to.

There is no right or wrong way to celebrate motherhood. For each of us, it is different. For all of us, it’s personal. Each mother is beautiful and special in her own way and each family celebrates differently. The important thing is that we take the time and savor the moment, reflecting on the honor it is that we are blessed to have children and they are blessed to have us because without one another, what would we be?

This weekend, we’ll be celebrating in a way that is us. Saturday, we’re taking a short road trip to see Cirque du Soleil’s Corteo and I’m super excited because it’s in the middle of the day so I don’t have to worry about early mornings or late nights.

Sunday, I’ll sleep in until I wake up then head to mass because this mama can use all the God she can get these days. Then, home for a healthy brunch cooked by the Big Guy. It will be a designated bickering-free zone for the day, so the lovely tween and teen will have to abstain from killing one another. Followed by watching movies, a nap, a family walk, and a delicious, yet healthy, dinner. Then, Game of Thrones and a back rub. Maybe I’ll even throw a long bath in there somewhere. I haven’t had a soak in years. Sounds like perfection to me. I know, I’m pretty specific but this is what my dreams are made of these days.

Anyways, that’s my dream Mother’s Day 2019. Normally, it’s to be alone so if that is your perfect Mother’s Day, I am not mad at you. We are the same people. This year, I have a different perspective and every moment with my girls counts so this is where we are…spending the day in peace and love with my family. Here’s hoping it all plays out.

What’s your dream Mother’s Day? If you could do anything in the world on Mother’s Day what would it be?
2019/05/12
Toy Story 4 How a Disney/ Pixar Film Revealed the Meaning of Life
I thought Toy Story 3 was the best wrap up of a series as there ever was. However, I was proven wrong last night. Toy Story 4 takes us parents on a ride and sees it through to the end and this mom is all in her feels. Where’s Drake when I need him?
Toy Story 4 Basic Synopsis:
Woody (voice of Tom Hanks) has always been confident about his place in the world, and that his priority is taking care of his kid, whether that’s Andy or Bonnie. So, when Bonnie’s beloved new craft-project-turned-toy, Forky (voice of Tony Hale), declares himself as “trash” and not a toy, Woody takes it upon himself to show Forky why he should embrace being a toy.
READ ALSO: What is Disney Creator Days and How Can I Get Invited?
But when Bonnie takes the whole gang on her family’s road trip excursion, Woody ends up on an unexpected detour that includes a reunion with his long-lost friend Bo Peep (voice of Annie Potts). After years of being on her own, Bo’s adventurous spirit and life on the road belie her delicate porcelain exterior. As Woody and Bo realize they’re worlds apart when it comes to life as a toy, they soon come to find that’s the least of their worries. Directed by Josh Cooley (“Riley’s First Date?”), and produced by Mark Nielsen (associate producer “Inside Out”) and Jonas Rivera (“Inside Out,” “Up”)
©2018 Disney•Pixar. All Rights Reserved.
Parenting is a thankless job of loving and living for other people. People we created and have made the very reason for our existence. There is nothing more fulfilling or joyous than being given the gift of loving someone so completely and unconditionally. We are in those years, blinded by that love.
But one day, they will grow up. They will move on, as they are supposed to. They will have lives, families and children of their own and as much as we want to hold on tighter and forever, we have to let them go. And it hurts so much. Too much. But that’s the job; raise good human beings and then set them free to go forth and make the world a better place…no matter how much it breaks your heart.
READ ALSO: Everything You Need to Know about the Disney Dream Cruise
But something unexpected happens, when your little birds fly away and you are left in your empty nest, you have time for you again. Time to live for you. Time to pursue what makes YOU happy. Time to love your partner. Go ahead, you deserve it. Just like Woody deserved to find his Bo Peep. He did his job. He loved Andy and Bonnie with everything that he was. He sacrificed. He selflessly served them as long as they needed him and only when they no longer did, did he let go and even then it was begrudgingly.
©2019 Disney/Pixar. All Rights Reserved.
As parents, it is our mission to love our children. Sometimes it feels like our sole purpose and we are happy to have it. But, like Woody, we’ve got to let go of the past and live in the present. Look toward the future. We deserve to be happy. We deserve to be loved the way we loved our children. We deserve that.
READ ALSO: Disney’s the Lion King
Where, then, does Woody stand? In the movie’s scheme of things, he stands for all of us who feel we’ve lost our purpose in one phase of our life and haven’t yet found the courage to start the next phase. Toy Story 4 is all about transitioning to the next phase for everyone one of us. We are constantly evolving.
What Woody comes to understand, ever so slowly, is that life is not only for living but for loving, and he and Bo have found each other. As Woody struggles to resolve his fears and feelings, “Toy Story 4” transcends toydom. It feels exquisitely alive.
©2019 Disney•Pixar. All Rights Reserved.
It boils down to this, in the end, our quality of life is weighed and measured in love; the love we give gives us meaning and the love we receive gives us purpose.
Toy Story 4 teaching us lessons we didn’t even know we needed to learn.
Whether it’s romantic love, familial love, parental love, friendship or mutual respect, love is the true meaning of life and without it, the quality of our lives is drastically reduced if not removed. At the basis of humanity, we need to love one another. The love we give is reflected back in the joy we feel.
©2019 Disney/Pixar. All Rights Reserved.
In Toy Story 4, we’re shown all different types of love and its value is quantified from an outside perspective and suddenly, it all makes sense… love is the meaning of life. Giving and receiving.
READ ALSO: I Loved Aladdin Live-Action More than the Original
In the end, they all chose to love and let themselves be loved. The thing is that kind of vulnerability is terrifying. Putting yourself out there and allowing yourself to become part of something bigger than just yourself, allowing someone else to be a part of the equation to determine whether or not you are happy and fulfilled is risky but so worth it because the only way to experience life fully is with love and the only way to love is completely.
©2019 Disney/Pixar. All Rights Reserved.
In the end, Andy grew up and Bonnie gave her love to Forky but Woody finally got to be part of something for him, he got to be loved in return and that’s something. He got to start a new adventure in life as part of a couple. His friends loved him so much that they let him go follow his bliss with Bo Peep, the same way Bo Peep put her feeling for him on a shelf and left him behind when she knew he had to stay with Andy. That’s what love is about, taking someone else’s needs and wants into consideration.
In Toy Story 4, Woody finally got to choose to love and be loved in return and there’s nothing better in this life. Sometimes love means letting go, sometimes it means jumping in with both feet and taking a chance and sometimes it means holding on for dear life. Toy story 4 taught me that.
Disney Pixar’s Toy Story 4 in theaters June 21st. Now playing. Giving me the meaning of life.
What was your biggest takeaway from Toy Story 4?
2019/06/21
11 Reasons Why You Should Binge Watch Stranger Things 3 Today
Hope you all had a Happy Stranger Things 3 Fourth of July! Wait, you didn’t spend yesterday binging Netflix’s Stranger Things Season 3??? I have a tween and a teen girl so, forget the fireworks, we were glued to all the action happening in Hawkins and in awe of the kids in the Stranger Things cast. They are all so grown up.
READ ALSO: The TRUTH about Parenting Teens
I have a special place in my heart for Stranger Things because it not only reminds me of my youth, but my girls are around the same age as the kids in the show. I’m living Stranger Things. This Netflix binge is something the girls and I laugh, cry and bond over. Remember the Stranger Things 13^th Birthday party we threw for Bella? Still one of my favorites.
Stranger Things 3: It’s 1985 in Hawkins, Indiana, and summer’s heating up. School’s out, there’s a brand new mall in town, and the Hawkins crew are on the cusp of adulthood. Romance blossoms and complicates the group’s dynamic, and they’ll have to figure out how to grow up without growing apart. Meanwhile, danger looms. When the town’s threatened by enemies old and new, Eleven and her friends are reminded that evil never ends; it evolves. Now, they’ll have to band together to survive and remember that friendship is always stronger than fear.
11 Reasons Why You Should Binge Stranger Things 3 Today
1. Big Kids, Big Problems
The kids are older and behave so. People have coupled up and the storylines are relatable not only to your tweens/teens going through the same thing but for the parents having to navigate the murky waters of first loves too. Someone met a girl at camp. I adore the bromance between Steve and Dustin. If the Eleven and Hopper relationship evolution in Stranger Things 3 doesn’t make you cry, you are dead inside.
2. Girls Rule, Boys Drool
Steve is fulfilling his destiny and winning for the first time ever. Steve might actually win a fight and, no spoilers, but a lesson in humility and an open mind might make him a better person. Mike and Lucas learn a few things about how to treat a girl, the hard way.
3. Adulting, it’s complicated
Hopper and Joyce…Jopper? Does anyone need a love story more than these two? Also, a steamy near affair Mrs. Robinson style. Not going to tell you who but you might not be surprised.
4. The 80’s nostalgia will bring all the feelings of childhood back.
If you were alive in the ’80s or love 80’s movies be prepared to have flashbacks to every 80’s movie you’ve ever seen, in the best possible way. Be prepared for your kids to ask for all the 80’s styles that you rocked back in the day. FYI, they are available now at Hot Topic. Of course, they are.
5. There are far worse things than demogorgons…like way worse.
I thought the Demogorgon and Demodogs were disgusting but there is something much scarier and Stranger Things 3 brings it to you courtesy of all the citizens of Hawkins, Indiana.
6. There is a healthy dose of girl power.
Girls rule Hawkins from powerful Eleven to sassy Max, no B.S. Joyce to Suzy in Utah. The girls of Hawkins are tough cookies and even Nancy is giving the Wonder Woman pose this season. Go, Girls. Your girls will walk away from this season feeling empowered and elevated.
7. The Cold War is now.
You think the Russian interference now is scary, wait until you get a load of the Stranger Things 3 Russians. Nyet, thank you!
8. Something terrible happens to someone you love to hate.
We get the backstory on one of our favorite characters that we love to hate. We find out they’ve had it rough and just need a break. Self-sacrifice will leave you in deep need of Kleenex.
9. First LGBTQ character introduced in Hawkins.
It happened fast but we are pretty sure that one of the Hawkins kids is out. The best thing about it was that it was a no big deal moment. For the ’80s, that was everything. Bravo Stranger Things 3 cast and writers for keeping it 100. Never doubt that Hawkins is woke.
10. Life in Hawkins, Indiana will never be the same again.
A major character dies. I can’t tell you who because I’m not a jerk but have.all.the.Kleenex. I was ready to riot. Let’s just leave it at that. If it turns out to be real next season, I still might. I will tell you that if this character actually died, Hawkins will never be the same again. Also, there is a major shift and our gang gets separated.
11. Watch to the very end of the credits for a super plot twist.
PLEASE WATCH THROUGH THE CREDITS!! If you don’t you are going to miss a major clue for next season and you will spend the next year crying over the state of our favorite characters’ existence. The ending is hopeful.
READ ALSO: Parent Guide to Teen Slang
That’s all the non-spolier reasons that I can give you to binge Stranger Things 3 today! Now, I’m off to plan our Stranger Things 3 Halloween costumes. I mean, the Fourth of July has passed so basically, it’s time for pumpkin lattes, right?
I am obsessed and we’re about to re-binge the entire series tomorrow.
If you already binged Netflix’s Stranger Things 3, let’s discuss in the comments.
2019/07/05