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The TRUTH About Motherhood

Category: ADHD

  • How to Know if You have ADHD

    How to Know if You have ADHD

    Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

    As many of you are aware, I recently discovered I’m not a scatterbrained mom – I’m a full-fledged, card-carrying member of the ADHD club- neuro spicy women’s chapter. And let me tell you, it’s been a wild ride of self-discovery. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering whether your constant forgetfulness is just “mom brain” or something more, you’re in the right place. We’re about to dive into the wonderfully chaotic world of adult ADHD, and trust me, it’s more common than you might think. But how to know if you have ADHD or mommy brain?

    The ADHD Revelation: It’s Not Just for Kids

    Here’s the thing: ADHD doesn’t care about your age, your gender, or how many tiny humans you’re responsible for. In fact, many women don’t get diagnosed until adulthood, often after becoming moms. Why? Because we’re masters of masking our symptoms, and society has conditioned us to believe that being scattered and overwhelmed is just part of the mom gig.

    But let me tell you, there’s a difference between normal mom stress and ADHD. So, let’s break down some signs that your brain might be more “ADHD” than just “mom tired.”

    How to Know if you have ADHD

    Sign #1: Your To-Do List is More Like a Wish List

    You know that to-do list you made with the best intentions? The one that’s now buried under a pile of unfolded laundry and half-eaten goldfish crackers? If your to-do list feels more like a mockery of your productivity than an actual plan, you might be dealing with ADHD.

    ADHD brains struggle with executive function, which is fancy science talk for “getting stuff done.” We have trouble prioritizing tasks (everything is equally urgent to us), managing time (we easily go down rabbit holes and get time blindness), and staying focused ( it’s not that we’re not focused, it’s that we are focused on several things all at the same time so  nothing gets our full attention). It’s not that we don’t want to be productive; our brains just have a different operating system. So while neurotypical moms might forget to buy milk occasionally, ADHD moms might forget they have kids. (Kidding! …mostly.) 

    Sign #2: You’re the Queen of “Ooh, Shiny!”

    Does your attention span resemble that of a goldfish on espresso? Do you start cleaning the kitchen, then suddenly find yourself reorganizing your sock drawer, only to end up googling “Do penguins have knees?” three hours later? Congratulations, you might be experiencing the joy of ADHD-induced distractibility!

    Our ADHD brains are like channel-surfing toddlers with the remote control. Everything is urgent and there are so many thoughts to be had. How can we be expected to just choose one? We jump from task to task, idea to idea, faster than you can say “Oh look, a squirrel!” It’s not that we don’t want to focus; our brains just have other plans. It’s not a lack of interest or motivation; it’s just how our brains are wired.

    Sign #3: Emotional Rollercoaster? More Like Emotional Tilt-a-Whirl

    If your emotions change faster than your toddler’s favorite color, you might be experiencing what the ADHD world calls “emotional dysregulation.” One minute you’re on top of the world, the next you’re crying because you can’t find matching socks. (Pro tip: mismatched socks are a fashion statement. You’re welcome.) Also, in retrospect, it is no wonder they first misdiagnosed me with Bipolar. The emotional dysregulation is hard core.

    ADHD brains feel emotions more intensely and have trouble regulating them. It’s like having an emotional volume knob stuck on maximum.This isn’t just mood swings; it’s a core feature of ADHD that can make everyday life feel like an emotional obstacle course. So if you find yourself going from zero to “Hulk smash” in 2.5 seconds, it might not just be sleep deprivation talking.

    Sign #4: You’re a World-Class Procrastinator (But Also a Last-Minute Superhero)

    Do you put off tasks until the absolute last minute, then suddenly transform into a productivity goddess fueled by panic and caffeine? This is the ADHD procrastination-hyperfocus cycle in action.

    ADHD brains often need that adrenaline rush of a looming deadline to kick into high gear. We’re like productivity werewolves – dormant until the full moon of impending doom rises, then BAM! Suddenly we’re cranking out work like nobody’s business. It’s not laziness; it’s a quirk of our neurochemistry. The downside? This cycle can be incredibly stressful and hard on our mental health.

    Sign #5: Your Memory is Like a Sieve (But Only for Boring Stuff)

    Can’t remember where you put your keys, but can recite every line from that one episode of Friends you saw 15 years ago? That’s ADHD memory for you! Our brains are great at remembering things we find interesting or emotionally significant, but terrible at recalling mundane details.

    So while you might forget to pick up your kid from soccer practice (hypothetically speaking, of course), you can probably remember every detail of that embarrassing thing you did in third grade. Thanks, brain! This isn’t just forgetfulness; it’s a reflection of how ADHD brains process and prioritize information. It can be frustrating, but it’s also why many people with ADHD excel in creative fields or become walking encyclopedias on their favorite topics.

    Sign #6: You’re the Master of Lost Things

    If your house resembles a black hole where objects mysteriously disappear, never to be seen again, you might be dealing with ADHD. We have a special talent for putting things in “safe places” that are so safe, even we can’t find them again. This isn’t just clumsiness or carelessness; it’s a result of inattention and difficulty with working memory. It can be maddening, but it’s a common ADHD trait.

    Pro tip: If you ever need to find something important, just sit down to do another task or back track ( you will surely stumble back onto the thought that led you down the path where you misplaced that important thing). Guaranteed, the lost item will magically appear the moment you’re too busy to deal with it.

    So, What Now?

    The Road to Diagnosis and Beyond

    Now that you can recognize these symptoms in. yourself, you can start to differentiate whether you have ADHD or “mom brain”. If you’re nodding along to these signs, thinking, “Oh my god, this is me!” don’t panic. Here’s what you can do:

    1. Get evaluated: Find a professional who specializes in adult ADHD. The evaluation process can be long and detailed, but it’s worth it. Knowledge is power, and understanding your brain is the first step to working with it instead of against it.
    2. Embrace your ADHD traits: Sure, ADHD can be challenging, but it also comes with some pretty awesome characteristics. Creativity, resilience, the ability to hyperfocus on things we love – these can be our secret weapons when properly channeled.
    3. Find your tribe: Connect with other ADHD moms. There’s nothing quite like the relief of realizing you’re not alone in this wild ride. Online communities, support groups, or even just talking to friends can be incredibly validating and helpful.
    4. Develop coping strategies: Whether it’s setting a million reminders on your phone, using color-coded systems, or breaking tasks into smaller, manageable chunks, find what works for you. ADHD management is all about playing to your strengths and working around your challenges.
    5. Be kind to yourself: Remember, your ADHD brain isn’t a defect; it’s just differently wired. Treat yourself with the same compassion you’d show a friend. Negative self-talk only makes things harder.

    Living with ADHD as a mom isn’t always easy, but it can be an adventure. It’s about learning to work with your brain instead of constantly fighting against it. So the next time you find yourself standing in a room wondering why you’re there, or starting yet another project at midnight, just remember: your brain might be chaos, but it’s beautiful chaos.

    And let’s be real – our ADHD quirks often make us the fun, spontaneous, creative moms who come up with the wildest ideas for family adventures. And hey, if nothing else, at least you’ll always be the fun mom who comes up with the craziest ideas for family game night. Silver linings, right?

    My ADHD diagnosis was both a shock and a relief. It explained so much about my life, my struggles, and my strengths. It’s been a journey of self-discovery, frustration, and ultimately, acceptance. And you know what? I wouldn’t trade my ADHD brain for anything.

    So, if you’re suspecting you might have ADHD, don’t be afraid to seek answers. Understanding your brain is the first step to embracing your unique, beautiful, chaotic self. And remember, whether you have ADHD or not, you’re doing an amazing job, mama. Stay fabulous!

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find my keys. Or my phone. Or my sanity. Whichever I come across first.

  • I Thought I Was Bipolar, But Turns Out I’m Just ADHD AF

    I Thought I Was Bipolar, But Turns Out I’m Just ADHD AF

    I just found out that I’m neurodivergent. I’m “ADHD” official, if you will. I knew it! I tested positive for ADHD, combined type. Yes, I know it’s not a disease but after the 2 day 5 hour in depth evaluation that I just endured…”testing positive” feels about right.  To put it in perspective, most adults with an ADHD diagnosis fall into the inattentive category but this Latina likes her neurodivergence extra spicy so let’s put our whole ass into it. Of course I got a late ADHD diagnosis because I’m never early for anything. But now what? Who even am I? I don’t just have a raging case of ADHD, I no longer tested indicative of any mood disorder. WHAT THE FUCK??? My bipolar 1 diagnosis is now up for debate… 25 years later.

    When I was 27-years-old, a routine gynecological visit changed my entire life forever. My life had been ramping up into the fevered pitch of this moment, starting at about the age of 14. I remember thinking to myself, how can I survive this life? At that moment, there was carnage all around me. My “Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde” father was a mean and violent alcoholic when he wasn’t a doting daddy. Maybe he’s bipolar? My mother was a loving and caring mother until she had to emotionally check out just to stay above ground for her 5 children. In our family, it has always been all or nothing. You were, I am… all or nothing. 

    We were the collateral damage of the dysfunction of our parents and they were the result of the dysfunction of theirs. I felt nearly completely abandoned at one of the most crucial and pivotal moments of my adolescence. I should have been accustomed  to it; this unrelenting state of fight or flight that had been my constant state of being for as long as I could remember. From about the time I entered kindergarten ( which also happened to coincide with the birth of my parents’ 4th child), I felt like I lived a double life. Bipolar, biracial…it tracks. When I was a little girl, my identity always seemed in question. Identifying as half this and half that, just so as not to offend either parent. 

    Looking back, none of us knew what we were doing. We were all just trying to survive our existence; everyone of us was a victim of our circumstances and living the life we were born into as a result of the trauma and ignorance of the previous generation. 

    All this to say, I was out of control by the time I was 18 and arrived on campus at Purdue University. It was my first taste of freedom and I was relishing every single moment. I was, quite literally, completely out of control…or at least that’s the way I felt. By the time I saw a psychiatrist, my behavior was so compulsive and manic that a gynecologist noticed it during a brief conversation. That was my life for the next 2 decades. I’d accepted my fate and have been walking a mental health tightrope ever since. 

    I devoured every book that I could read about my diagnosis. I even took several graduate level clinical psychology classes. I embraced my diagnosis and became very self-aware about my moods; actively making sure not to do anything to tip the scales in any direction. I’ve been doing this since 2000.

     

    I Thought I Was Bipolar, But Turns Out I’m Just ADHD AF

     

    But after extensive evaluation from the neuropsychologist, not only do I have a late ADHD diagnosis, my current evaluation did not indicate any mood disorders. Let me say that again…I.DID.NOT.INDICATE.FOR.ANY.MOOD.DISORDERS!!! What does that even mean? To be clear, I’ve never heard of anyone growing out of bipolar. Of course, the neuropsychologist said she’s never encountered anyone who has been non-episodic for 20 years, especially after being weaned off medication. So what does this mean for me?

    Since being diagnosed, bipolar has dictated a lot of how I live my life. There are things I’m not supposed to do, drink and eat. This living in a perpetual state of fight or flight and trying not to tip the mood scales is completely exhausting. If I don’t get enough sleep, drink too much caffeine, drink too much alcohol ( which I never do because I thought I spent my 20’s self-medicating and I come from a long line of alcoholics) or get too stressed, I’m always afraid of what the consequences might be. But now they’re telling me, maybe it was all wrong. Maybe it was my raging ADHD all along. I know ( because I studied the DSM when I was first diagnosed) that there is a lot of overlap in symptoms between both diagnoses but this has been two decades of my life spent living my life afraid of going manic again. This was a lifetime ( I was 6 the first time I remember a doctor suggesting that I probably had ADHD) of being untreated. I’ve spent my entire lifetime masking who I really am. 

     

    Is Everything I Am Just a Symptom? 

    I’m so fucking angry and sad right now. I thought I was going to be relieved, like I was when they diagnosed me with Bipolar 1 because it felt like an answer to what made me feel like a problem. But now, this ADHD diagnosis feels like it undermines my entire existence. I feel like my life could have been so much easier had I known and had the tools to do, be and feel better. 

    Looking back, it all makes sense now. The inability to focus or prioritize tasks – I’d have 100 browser tabs open and constantly flit between projects. Constant fidgeting and restlessness. I remember tapping my feet incessantly during class or meetings until someone would give me an annoyed look.

    Blurting out whatever was on my mind without a filter. I can’t tell you how many times I overshared personal details or made inappropriate comments because my brain raced ahead of my impulse control.

    Impulsive decision-making was the norm for me. Like the time I randomly decided at 5am to get my tongue pierced. Or when I racked up debt in my 20s from spontaneous shopping sprees and vacations.

    Struggling to manage my intense emotions was an almost daily battle. I would rapidly cycle through sadness, anger, euphoria, and anxiety without any seeming reason. My emotions always felt SO BIG.

    Forgetting everything constantly was so normalized for me. Walked into a room and forgot why I came in there? Yep, every single day without fail. My short-term memory felt like (and still feels) like a sieve but it turns out I’m just always distracted.

    These weren’t just personal quirks or flaws – they were textbook signs of ADHD that went undiagnosed for over 40 years.

    Suddenly, I am realizing things that I thought were my winning personality are not even me at all but the ADHD. I feel like my life is adding up to a series of traumas and diagnoses that were put upon me to make my life as difficult as possible. At the same time, I feel like I’m one of the lucky ones because I did learn to live with it. I accepted that my life was meant to be hard. Maybe this is why I so completely embrace my parents’ golden rule of “where there is a will, there is always a way”, maybe it’s all because my life has always been not easy. I realized through years of therapy that my ”toxic positivity” is authentic, but it is also one of my many coping mechanisms. Everything I thought was special and original about myself is a result of trauma, diagnoses, neurodivergence and genetics. Am I even who I’ve always thought I was? This is the part that is breaking my brain and my heart. 

    Looking back, so many struggles in my life make complete sense through an ADHD lens:

    • My feelings of constantly being overwhelmed and burnout as a mom of 2
    • The out-of-control impulsivity in college that led to that initial misdiagnosis
    • Toxic work environments and being labeled “difficult” for missing deadlines
    • Procrastination as a way of life and always needing hard deadlines to perform
    • Endless guilt and shame for perceived personal shortcomings
    • Strained relationships from emotional dysregulation
    • Panic attacks from having too many racing thoughts simultaneously
    • Repeating stories over and over again because I forgot I already shared them
    • The way I can’t watch a movie without asking 100 questions while Googling everything

    The list goes on. For so long, I internalized these issues as personal failures instead of hallmark ADHD traits crying out for support and management. I didn’t know.

    I thought I was forgetting everything over the past few months due to perimenopause. I accepted my fate. It’s genetics and aging, no one escapes it. I started having panic attacks and my memory has become more unreliable than ever. I literally forget everything, all the time. I even started thinking maybe I’m exhibiting some early signs of dementia. That was terrifying.

    Good news is that my memory is great. However, I am very inattentive and always have so many thoughts in my head that I can’t remember them all so my short term memory is always on a lag, if it remembers at all. Forget girl math, I’ve got girl ADHD. Maybe I am perimenopausal but both symptoms I have can be attributed to ADHD. Did you know that being that full-on ADHD can cause panic attacks? Yeah, because you’re anxious about having so many simultaneous thoughts.

    But now, armed with this new diagnosis, I finally have the tools and understanding to begin properly treating and working WITH my ADHD brain, not against it. It’s honestly life-changing. But, I’d be lying if I didn’t say it’s been hard to accept. It’s felt like learning that everything I ever knew or believed about myself has been a lie and that’s been massive. 

    According to my neuropsychologist, TikTok has everyone self-diagnosing themselves with autism and ADHD. While I don’t think anyone should get their medical advice ( or news) from social media, I do appreciate that it can make some people more self-aware so that they can get help if they need it. However, my doctor told me that if you’re an adult and you think you have ADHD, usually 9 times out of 10, you’ve been told at different times within your life that you might have ADHD. I was told by 6 different doctors ( 5 in the last 3 years) but I’ve been putting out teenage mental health dumpster fires for as long, so my ADHD was not top priority, not until it all got to be too much with Gabs’ depression and CSID diagnosis. That’s when I decided that I needed to know for sure and seek treatment. The process is not fast. 

    It took 4 months to get on the schedule for the initial evaluation. Then it took another 3 months to get in for the 3.5 hour evaluation. Then, it took another couple weeks to get my diagnosis. That was in March. I don’t see my psychiatrist for medication until the end of May, then there will be the drug cocktail adjustment period. So from start to finish, it’s probably going to take a year to get to a place of stability. Meanwhile, I am second-guessing every single life decision up until now. 

    Was it me or was it my ADHD?

    But no more beating myself up when I miss an appointment or make a silly mistake. No more forcing myself into rigid neurotypical boxes and processes I was never meant to fit. With self-knowledge and self-compassion, I can finally create systems and strategies to accommodate how my beautiful neurodivergent mind works. For me, learning to live with my ADHD begins with understanding and forgiveness.

    Now, I can lean into my ADHD strengths like hyperfocus, resilience, ability to thrive in chaos, creativity, and passion. I can let go of the internalized ableism that made me feel inadequate and “less than” my entire life.

    I’m mourning the young woman I was who suffered for so long without understanding her brilliant ADHD mind. But I’m also rejoicing at finally knowing the truth about myself after a lifetime of masking.

    But, now, what? Who am I? I’ve always said that I’m more than my diagnoses but now, everything I thought I was feels like a symptom of ADHD. So if you’re a woman who constantly feels like she’s struggling, masking, using every ounce of energy just to appear “normal,” or just feels “too much”… please get evaluated for ADHD, even if you’re well into adulthood like me.

    This diagnosis could be the key to radically transforming your life for the better and embracing your neurodivergent strengths. It was for me…well, I’m in the process of transformation but I’m still very much a work in progress.