The TRUTH About Motherhood

Author: Deborah Cruz

Michael Brown’s Murder is the Result of Racial Profiling, Fear & Loathing in Ferguson
I have not touched the topic of Ferguson, Missouri and Michael Brown yet because I’ve been struggling with my own demons this week triggered by the suicide of Robin Williams but my fog is lifting and I am sick at what is happening in the world. I’ve spent the last 24 hours pouring over footage and articles and I am flabbergasted at what is happening in our country in this day and age.
I can’t pretend to know what it means to be an African American in this country. I can only imagine and empathize from knowing what it is to be a Latino. I also don’t know exactly what it is to live under the umbrella and protection of white privilege. I grew up a Latina woman in an African American urban neighborhood. I was not afraid but I was also raised that people are people, regardless of their color of skin, race, religion, sex or orientation. I guess that might be a fact those of us who are in the minority are taught and more readily accept because we don’t enjoy the privilege of ignorance. We’ve felt the wrath of hate and the shame of difference and so we tend to have a greater tolerance for humanity. We know what racism feels like.
On Saturday, police officer, Darren Wilson, in Ferguson, Missouri shot and killed an 18-year-old unarmed young man named Michael Brown. Michael Brown was identified as a primary suspect in a strong-arm robbery of a box of cigars moments before he was shot to death. Apparently, allegedly stealing a box of Swisher Sweets is punishable by death here in the United States. The cop allegedly reached his hand out of his car and grabbed Michael Brown by the neck and that is what initiated the altercation. What ensued next was unfathomable, he was chased and shot at and when he turned with his hands up in the air he was shot dead from 35 feet away. He was then left lying dead in the street for hours. Why? As a warning to others? On the other hand, if you got accused for some reason and you can’t attend your hearing, you must first know all the unacceptable reasons for failure to appear in court so you can determine if ever your excuse is valid.
The next night after a vigil in his honor, a peaceful protest assembled. The people of Ferguson, the world, want answers and justice. Michael Brown’s mother deserves answers. Yet, they are not even allowed to mourn and protest his death. The cops shot flares into the sky. When the crowd was not moved to disburse, flares were shot at the ground in the direction of the crowd. This is when the peaceful demonstration turned to riots. An emotionally charged group of people who were in the clutches of fear and sadness needed to protect themselves, this has escalated to rage.
By Wednesday things went from bad to worse, many of the major networks were not airing live coverage of anything. Journalists on the scene were being rounded up, blocked from the town and arrested.The I Am Mike Brown livestream via KARG Argus Radio allowed viewers to watch as police fired rubber bullets into crowds of unarmed citizens and advanced on peaceful demonstrators. Police demanded that the reporters turn off their cameras. Crowds were seen standing in the street with their hands above their heads as police fired tear gas and rubber bullets at them. There was no provocation and the police continued firing even as the crowd retreated into their residential neighborhoods; obviously, not giving a damn who they hurt.
I don’t know what it is about brown and black skin that strikes fear into the hearts of some people. Maybe it’s the guilt from years of ancestors beating entire races down and treating them like subhumans, maybe it’s fear of karma ( what goes around comes around) or maybe it’s just a general lack of compassion and blind ignorance.
The world is a crazy place and we come in every color and flavor of the rainbow, only when your skin is brown or black, you can’t hide it. You can’t blend in. There it is daring people not to notice.
I was not on the streets of Ferguson last Saturday night. I did not witness this tragedy firsthand and I thank God for that because I don’t think that my humanity could ever recover from witnessing that kind of brutality but I do have my own experience with racial profiling and the cops.
Here was my situation and the sad part is that it wasn’t unique or even special; a cop saw a car full of Latinos. He pulled them over; we were never given a reason why. It was myself, the guy I was dating and couple of our friends. They were driving me home before my midnight curfew. It was about 11:45 pm on a summer, Saturday night. I was 18. It was my first experience with racism and racial profiling.
When we were pulled over, I began to freak out because I knew missing my curfew was not an option. I asked my date to please ask the officer why we were being stopped. I knew that any delay would make me late and my parents were very strict.
This guy, a clean-cut young man who had served in the military and was college-educated, very politely asked, “Officer, can I please ask why we’re being stopped?” To which the officer told him to step out of the car and arrested him for resisting arrest after pushing him around and slamming him into the door of the car.
Meanwhile, his partner was asking me what my name was. I told him and he spelled my name Cruise, Crewes, Crews and truly acted as if these boys were kidnapping me or holding me against my will. Once we clarified that I, Debi CRUZ, was in fact, willingly in the vehicle his entire demeanor changed. The cop went from polite and kind to me to cruel and short, as if I had done something wrong simply by being Latina.
One of the other guys with us asked if he could take the car to drive me home so I wouldn’t miss my curfew to which the cop responded, “ NOPE! She can walk home for all I care.” Then they put my date in the back of the squad car and towed his car to impound as we all silently watched, not daring to ask another question for fear we too would be put in jail or worse for speaking.
Our friends walked me home silently in the dark, we all felt dirty and ashamed because we did nothing because we were too afraid to. This doesn’t seem like a big deal, especially in light of what happened to Michael Brown but it is an all too common occurrence and it shouldn’t be. Cops are human and officers of the law meant to serve and protect its citizens but does that only apply to certain citizens with Lily-white skin and preapproved accents? The problem is that the lines are so blurred; breathing too loudly could be construed by the wrong officer as resistance.
But the thing that I can identify with the most is a mother has lost her child. Michael Brown is dead and no amount of rioting or looting or saying I’m sorry is going to change that fact. The truth is that we don’t know exactly what happened in those last moments; what was said or done, only the offending officer and Michael Brown know that secret but we do know that nothing warrants shooting an unarmed child in the street like a rabid dog…no matter the color of his skin.
I feel like the world has gone completely backwards and spun right off it’s axis this week. I am horrified by the behavior and the things people are saying. I am disgusted by the lack of human compassion. Be good to one another.
What is going through your mind this week with the circumstances surrounding Michael Brown and Ferguson, Missouri?

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2014/08/15
Back-to-School ~ Diary of a Recovering Helicopter Mom
Back-to-school school is upon us.
Yesterday morning, I took my girls back-to-school. I know that I should be rejoicing. I thought I might be. This summer has been very busy and trying but instead, I was sad. Sad that another summer is gone and there are so few left before they go off to college. When they are babies and toddlers, each day feels like 72 hours but these years now pass more quickly than I prefer.
The girls are growing up so fast. They are no longer the two little mop top toddlers who I chased with a brush while putting pigtails into their hair. They no longer mismatch their clothes or put shoes on wrong feet. No they are up before me every morning, dressed and waiting for me to curl or straighten their hair while they change earrings and strategically place rainbow loom bracelets up their arms. Suddenly, there are lockers and acceptable and unacceptable types of belts and socks.
They both got back-to-school haircuts and all I can think is where did my children go? I am so proud of the young ladies they are becoming but pump the brakes. I’m still the mom of single digit children, for one more year anyways. I can’t believe I’ve been a mom for almost a decade already. I really am trying to be “cool” and give them space to spread their budding wings but they are still my baby birds and when I see panic, pain or fear it’s my instinct to swoop in and make it all better.
The girls are now 9 and 7, so we don’t have to worry about the dreaded first day of preschool and kindergarten. Those days nearly broke my mommy heart in half. Again this morning, moms were dropping like flies in the kindergarten corridor; collapsing into pools of snot and tears just outside of the doorways. I kept a stiff upper lip and pushed their limp bodies aside as I took my girls to the more “dignified” end of the hallway to second grade. Not really, by second grade we’ve just learned to wear huge sunglasses and wait until we are safely back in the car before we have our breakdown.
My 4^th grader, while she still wants me to walk her to class, under the guise of being her Clorox wipe and paper towel pack mule, gives me a hug and dismisses me in front of everyone. She has always been the stiff upper lip kid, since preschool. She’ll get watery eyes and a bit of a lip quiver and then she will give me that hug, you know the one that needs to last both of us the entire day, and then she will send me off. Even if she wants to run off after me crying for me to take her home, she will not make waves. She will make do. She gets that from me. It’s awesome, except for when I wish she’d just let go and not stiff upper lip it. I want her to know that she doesn’t always have to be the stoic one and that’s what I am here for; her safe place to land, to carry her when she is too weary to walk and to always, always hold her hand.

My 2^nd grader however, well, she is a rage against the night, do not go gently, make waves, cry and freak out type. She knows how to make a mama feel needed but she is also my high maintenance, squeaky wheel. This morning, she tried a bit of stiff upper lip on for size. I don’t think it suited her because just before I walked her into her class, she said, “ Mama, my stomach hurts.” This is her go to ailment whenever she is afraid or nervous. While I was unloading her supplies (pack mule) I asked the teacher where to put the supplies. When he answered that the kids were supposed to read the board and follow the directions, I saw the panic and freak strike the heart of my youngest baby bird. She reads but she’s not a “great” reader yet and there were a lot of unrecognizable words on that board so I explained the instructions to her and helped her to put her little heart at ease. I could see that she wanted to cry but instead she unsurely said, “Okay, mommy.”

It was time to leave. I could feel her willing me to stay. I could feel my heart being tugged back in her direction. I hugged her and she reciprocated tightly. I assured her that she would be fine and that it was going to be an awesome first day; all while willing those damn watery eyes of my own to stay behind the sunglasses and not reveal themselves to my girl. She gave me a big kiss and whispered, “Mommy, I’m scared!” I looked her in the eye and told her that there was nothing to be afraid of and that I was only a phone call away and more importantly, that I loved her. That seemed to put her at ease and then I left, as she stared a hole into the back of my head; turning back to catch one last unsure smile. Then I walked out of the room.

2 minutes later, I walked back to the doorway to see if she was okay. She was sharpening pencils when she caught a glimpse of me. She ran to me and gave me a kiss and told me she loved me. This time much more enthusiastically. I told her, “See, if you need me, I’m only a phone call away!” And she smiled and dismissed me.

I left my second grader in her new class and before I even left the school building, my heart was heavy with all the feelings; the missing, the growing up and the letting go. I freaking hate the letting go.

Apparently, back-to-school never gets easier but does the letting go?
2014/08/14
I am Robin Williams

As I sit here, I am saddened no I am devastated by the suicide of Robin Williams. I am, however, not shocked. I want to scream and cry and I am mad. Pissed off that this f*cking disease has stolen another brilliant mind from this world. He was a genius, with eyes tinged with sadness who always made everyone else around him happy. We shared something in common, Robin Williams and myself, aside from being from Chicago, a bipolar diagnosis.
I don’t talk about it often because I am so much more than a diagnosis. It does not define me. But, I take this personally. It’s a punch to the gut because many of us who suffer from this diagnosis know that suicide is a very real outcome for our lives. It’s not so much a matter of will he or won’t he kill himself, it’s more of a when will he just not be able to bear the burden any longer because even though our pain threshold is higher than most, even we have a limit to the torture we can endure.
I’ve never suffered from an official diagnosis of severe depression, but I have spent a lifetime suffering from a diagnosis of bipolar 1 which for me has mostly meant teetering between mania and extreme irritability. People love you when you are manic because you are the life of the party. You are fun and funny and everyone loves you.
But when you stay manic too long, you become irritable; irritable at the fact that you cannot calm down from your manic high, annoyed with yourself for being this person; for breathing. You begin to feel out of control and then you become angry and mean. You hate the world. You hate yourself. Then, just to add insult to injury, sometimes you fall from your vibrant mania heaven to the deepest, darkest pit of depression hell. You feel worthless and unworthy of the air you breathe.
I haven’t been “depressed” since my teen years. Like I said, I used to exist between manic and irritable. I’ve been non–episodic for 12 years. I’m 41. I was officially diagnosed when I was 27 but I had been exhibiting symptoms of bipolar from about the age of 15. At that time, I did frequently got depressed. I used to lay awake at night crying trying to figure out a way to disappear; to kill myself because living felt pointless and it hurt to feel that worthless. But the thought of breaking my mother’s heart was too much for me to bear so I held on.
When I was diagnosed with Bipolar, I wept with relief. I was so happy to have a name for this terrible demon that had literally turned my life upside down. When I was diagnosed, I was on the brink of losing everything but I was so manic that I did not care. I was drinking heavily to try to quiet my mind. I would wake up chipper and pleasant and happy-go-lucky and then it was like my engine got stuck, revved up and I just couldn’t stop and I was so tired of being “up” so then I drank myself into a stupor. When I was irritable, I was mean and biting with my words. A part of me wanted to alienate everyone and destroy anything that was good in my life because I didn’t feel like I deserved it when I was coming down. That’s the thing. It’s a shame spiral. You get manic and feel like the king of the world and then you come crashing down and feel unworthy of life and that’s when the demon creeps back in. Sometimes your meds quiet the demons, sometimes they can’t. But you choose to fight, every single day until you can’t anymore.
I am non-episodic but I know every day could be the day that I become manic. I know that every day could be the end of my life as I know it. I fight. I fight to stay here to be here because today, I know how wonderful it can be. Right now, I am living as close to normal as I’ve ever been.
Robin Williams was 63 years old, he fought his demons every day for all these years but today he was too beat down to fight back and we lost a comedic genius, a father, a husband, a friend. Today, I lost a fellow warrior. He has fallen and my heart is heavy. My thoughts and prayers are for those who loved him that he left behind, may they find the strength and courage to carry on. May he finally rest in peace.
Don’t let his death be meaningless. Don’t let one more person die in mental health vain. We need to be more open, remove the stigma and support one another. Bipolar disorder, manic depression, depression or whatever it is that you call your demon can only be defeated when all the warriors stand tall and share our stories and own our issues. I won’t lie, Robin Williams’ suicide scares me because it makes me feel vulnerable.
There should be no shame in being sick, there should only be compassion and understanding and HELP! Share your stories. Come out of your mental health closet. #RobinsWarriors If you need help, don’t be afraid to reach out. You are not alone. Don’t give up.
24-hour Hotline
National Suicide Prevention Helpline
1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)
Do not go gently into that good night…rage until you can no longer draw breath into your body. Rage warriors, rage harder than you ever have before.
Robin Williams, there will never be another you and you will forever be missed.

2014/08/11
My Honeymoon & Wedding Day Mishaps Made Marriage Seem Easy

Happiness is….
Remember your honeymoon?
My wedding and honeymoon were 15 years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. I’ve been helping my baby sister plan her wedding and I won’t lie it’s been taking me back to my own wedding and honeymoon. Weddings and honeymoons are all about new beginnings and starting your life and for us, a new beginning couldn’t have happened without a series of unfortunate events preceding it. Into every life a little rain must fall, of course, for me it was more like a monsoon wedding. It’s funny how when you look back you only ever remember the good parts of your wedding day.
Our mishaps began the night before the wedding; it started with a rehearsal dinner that ended up at a local club, which ended with a giant blowout between a couple in our wedding. Long story short, I spent the entire night before my wedding driving my bridesmaid around the city looking for her husband, a groomsman.
I got home around 5 am. My alarm for the biggest day of my life went off at 8 am; I woke in a hurried rush, grabbed my baby sister and the luggage under my eyes and barely made it across town to my 8:30 a.m. hair and nail appointment. Then the day just got crazier; lost bridesmaids, missing flower girl, a dad who wouldn’t take off his sunglasses, exes at the church and a bride who hadn’t eaten in 3 days and was having a full on panic attack but through it all, one thing was for certain, I knew the Big Guy was waiting for me at the end of that aisle and I couldn’t wait to be there…with him.
Father wears sunglasses in church because he’s too cool to cry in public.
At one point at the rectory, when I should have been sipping on champagne and being fawned over, I instead was struggling to find my way into my huge Cinderella-esqe dress on my own and had a mom on each butt cheek fastening my garters to my thigh highs. Talk about getting close with your mother-in-law. That was a bond sealing moment to say the very least.
Finally, I made it down the aisle but not before my ring bearer had a complete meltdown and wouldn’t walk down the aisle. 3-year-olds, what are you going to do? At that point, I was so nervous that I jumped the gun and nearly ran down the aisle into the Big Guy’s arms before my music even started playing. Just an FYI, if you ever find yourself in that situation, the organist, flutist, violinist and musician will all change their tune (quite literally) to keep up with the bride. I am sure it was amusing as an attendee.
3-year-olds are the best!
Once down the aisle, not once but three times did I almost take out the priest and entire front row of the church with my enormous gown. Think, Godzilla with a 10-foot train, in a China shop made of delicate Catholic souls. Thankfully, the presiding priest had a very in tact sense of humor and offered at one point to shear off the back of the dress to prevent any harm being done to women and small children. Thankfully, no one was hurt in the making of this wedding or honeymoon.
The groom looks debonair. The bride looks like maybe she needs to go peepee.
Of course, a bride who hasn’t eaten in 3 days, had a near miss with a panic attack and ran down the aisle as if she were Cinderella about to turn back into a pumpkin probably should not have been given celebratory cocktails. From what I remember of the evening, there was a trolley ride for the entire bridal party that included alcohol on an empty stomach, then there was an arrival to Star Wars Music (it was my one compromise) and then a bouquet thrown before anyone had a chance to take a photo (waiting is not my strong suit) and the combining of champagne glasses. Let no man put asunder what a bride has combined into champagne flutes.
No sleep, no problem. Bride takes quick nap on way to reception.

I vaguely remember it taking 4 bridesmaids to assist me in the peeing process ( 2 to hold each side of my ball gown wedding dress, one to hold my hands and balance me as I hovered over the toilet and one to pull my panties down and dab) and something about a 10 foot train that kept coming unbustled. Boy, do I have some good friends. Then it gets blurry.
Wind blown, no food and keeping it classy with a can of beer. Ain’t love grand?
Next thing I remember was leaving our reception to find our SUV saran wrapped covered in condoms, rice and Vaseline. We were in our early 20’s and apparently our friends were infantile. We had to cut our way in and then make a quick stop at a car wash before heading to our honeymoon suite at the hotel downtown. I remember doing the peepee dance in my stark white wedding dress, in front of our SUV and it’s fuzzy but it seems there was some hanging on to the bumper and trying to balance myself enough to pee while my brand spanking new husband help up 50 pounds of satin and tulle. Champagne goes right through you.
Next stop, the fancy downtown hotel. By this time, I am barefoot and running around the hotel lobby in search of a restroom large enough to accommodate my dress looking and behaving anything but fancy. My bridegroom rushed to check in before I ended up on the evening news.
Bustle broken, bride busted; time to hit the potty! NOT 1987…1999 & we partied like it was. I was scaring small children with this monstrosity of a dress.
We got up to the honeymoon suite to find more champagne and a basket full of wedding night sexiness but all I could do was the peepee dance and order my husband to get me out of the dress as quickly as possible so that I could pee in peace. Finally, I got to pee and then I promptly passed out leaving my husband to drink champagne and feed himself chocolate covered strawberries.
The next morning, I awoke to discover my wedding dress and trousseau on the floor and my overnight bag and shoes curiously missing apparently in the hurry and chaos, no one remembered to pack MY (the bride) overnight bag. There was no way that I was putting that dress back on, so I wore my husband’s (who is 6’5″ while I am a mere 5’7″) tuxedo back to my in laws house where we were opening gifts in front of friends and family before departing on our official honeymoon. I looked like the kid in Big when he changed back to a kid. It was embarrassing and ridiculous but that night we had a honeymoon reboot and it’s been awesome ever since. The rest of the honeymoon and the marriage have been easy compared to the wedding.
I guess it could have been worse; I could have gotten a UTI on our honeymoon. Yikes, that would really put a damper on romance; not exactly the type of “burning love” that I was looking forward to on my honeymoon! We know that having a lot of sex in a short period of time without letting your body recoup can cause irritation, which in turn can make it easier for you to get a UTI. Also, certain positions such as woman on top cowboy or reverse cowboy can increase the risk of contracting a UTI. Isn’t lots of sex in various positions in a short period of time the exact definition of a honeymoon?
Luckily, there is Cystex PLUS Urinary Pain Relief Tablets, an OTC UTI medication with an antibacterial agent that helps to contain the progression of infection, as well as help reduce the pain and burning sensation with an analgesic while you wait to see your physician. For recurrent UTIs, Cystex Liquid Cranberry Complex is a great-tasting, drug-free, daily supplement that is clinically proven to promote urinary health with its convenient Proantinox cranberry formula containing vitamin C!
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This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Cystex®. The opinions and text are all mine.
2014/08/11
Losing Our Saffaron Still Breaks Our Hearts
As a family, we love animals. The first thing the Big Guy and I did together as a married couple was adopt a gorgeous brindle boxer puppy. We named her Saffaron and she was our first little girl; our first dip in the parenthood pond. We were young and in love and we adored this runt of the litter with the giant personality. She stole our hearts from the moment we picked her up to play with her. It was love at first sight.
Over time, she grew from the tiny puppy who could get lost amongst the blades of grass into a rambunctious, if not compact, version of her parents. Always loving and loyal, she would fiercely defend us if anyone even hinted that they might hurt us. She was doted on constantly and anywhere we went, so did our Saffaron.
I remember in those first years of marriage when finances were tight and we were moving frequently to places nowhere near anyone we knew, those trying first years full of the growing pains of married life, on those nights I’d find myself crying over the uncertainty, Saffaron would jump in the bed and lay her head on my shoulder and gently kiss my face, as to reassure me that it would all be alright. She made me smile.
On September 11th, while I sat alone in our small apartment in Greensboro, North Carolina, watching the footage play on a constant loop, trying to make sense of the world falling down around me, out of my mind with worry because my husband was working in Allentown, Pennsylvania and having no way to reach him because all the phone lines were tied up. There our Saffaron sat, always at my feet, my constant companion.
When we had our first child, Saffaron was aware of the shift in the hierarchy that inevitably comes when pet parents become parents to a tiny human for the first time. But Saffaron never let on that it bothered her at all, as I am sure that she noticed the drop in one on one time she got with us. She welcomed both of our girls home, each time, as if it were the Big Guy or I.
She loved them fiercely and in a big way. They learned to crawl by chasing her. They learned to cruise by grabbing hold of her back. They pulled her ears, chewed on her face and slapped her away and started her on the regular but she did not care in the least. She never showed her teeth, nipped or even barked at either of our girls, even when they were laying on her like a pillow or hurling baby dolls at her. She took it all and loved us unconditionally. She taught us how to care for little people and love with our everything. She taught us to be vulnerable and open and when the time came, because of her, we were better parents.
In 2012, 2 days before she turned 13, the week after our youngest started Kindergarten, 2 months after I suffered my miscarriage and again there she was at my side as I wailed and cried in the most primal way. She was not afraid. She got us through with her unwavering love and devotion.
On August 17th, our Saffaron died of complications due to pancreatitis. We had taken her to the vet and we knew that she had developed pancreatitis but she was fine and then one day, she was very ill. We lost her very quickly. It was heartbreakingly devastating for all of us. She was our first “daughter” and to lose her was one of the worst things to watch happen and to have to helplessly watch your children experience that loss was more painful than words can describe.
I thought I would never want another dog because the pain was so enormous but our girls, felt the loss and needed to feel that void of companionship and love that only a dog can provide. A few months later, our girls fell in love with a Victorian Bulldog puppy. I remembered that same feeling when first laid eyes on Saffaron. She made our lives better just by being in it. I could see it in their eyes, they were smitten and by that point there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to take away the pain in their face each time anyone said Saffaron’s name. That was the Christmas we brought Lola home.
The love is deep and real between our girls and Lola. She’s still a puppy and not as docile and low-key as Saffaron was but she will get there and I love watching the relationship form between the three of them and slowly, I can see the hole left by Saffaron’s passing being filled with Lola’s love. Dogs are not just man’s best friend, they are unconditional love in fur so please cherish your pets and keep them up to date on their vaccinations and well-visits.
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This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of K9 Advantix® II. The opinions and text are all mine.
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2014/08/11
This Blogger’s Life…Jessica Escobar
This week, I am so proud and excited to welcome Jessica Escobar of Jess in the ATX to This Blogger’s Life. It’s not often that I gush about anyone ( other than my kids) but Jessica truly is my Latina sister from another mister. Aside from being a whip smart lawyer working in a law firm and superhero mom & wife by night, she is an amazing woman who writes from the heart. In her quiet, classy way ( yes, she is my complete opposite in this area) she is fierce and loves and lives BIG. She is an all in kind of woman with a heart as big as Texas. When you talk to her, she is one of those rare people who actually listens and is present. She makes you feel like you matter and this is a gift that many lack.
I don’t know exactly how many years that I have “known” Jessica but it feels like I have known her forever. That’s what it feels like reading her blog, like you are sitting down at the kitchen table with a dear old friend you’ve grown up with and know one another’s secrets. That is the beauty of blogging friends, they know the secrets that you might not tell your in real life friends because it’s just too damn hard to utter the words of weakness or fear but online, for me anyways, I can speak freely and never hold my tongue. I appreciate that in other writers as well because then I feel like I know the real them; flawed and imperfectly awesome. Jessica is so much more to me than what a quick blurb could ever describe so I will leave you with this, please check out her blog Jess in the ATX and see for yourself what a true warrior looks like; quietly stoic and ever pressing on, never giving up. I admire this Jess more than she knows. You will thank me for having the chance to get to know such a truly, strong, amazing and authentic woman. Jess is more than just one of my favorite people on the Internet, she is one of my people in the world. She’s the real deal and you will be a better person for having known her. I dare you to see her smiling avatar and not have a better day. That’s Jess, she lights up the world.
This Blogger’s Life… Jessica Escobar

Why did you start blogging?
I started blogging a few years ago as a way to share my stories about my daughter. It was a way to share her funny moments and my proud mommy moments. It was less about me and more about her.
What’s one piece of advice that you would give to a new blogger?
Don’t make it about trying to be like “that other blogger over there who does that big stuff”. It isn’t about trying to be big. You can’t compare yourself or try to copy their style. You have to have your own voice and speak from your heart.
What are the three words that describe you best?
proud, strong, caring
What is your favorite website?
Hmmm that’s tough. I really don’t have one! I really don’t surf the net. I have a very small list of blogs I love. It’s definitely not the mainstream ones.
What is your favorite thing to do when you’re not blogging?
Running. I’m out of the habit but it’s something that I’m working to get back into it. It’s my release and my me time. Self care is VERY Important and something that often gets neglected as a mama.
What’s the most important thing you’ve learned about yourself from blogging?
You have to find your voice. It’s easy to be scared of what the people in your “real life” will think of you. It’s so much easier to build a community who truly understand and support you. I’m proud to share my experiences because you never know who is reading and understands what you’re going through.
How do you balance life and blogging?
Right now I’m on “hiatus.” That’s a nice way of saying I’m having a dry spell. And I’m ok with that. Sometimes you just don’t have the words and when you aren’t trying to be the next big thing that’s fine. You can’t be hard on yourself and force the words out or you won’t enjoy yourself. You have to make the time when you want to and it’ll just balance yourself out.
How has blogging changed you or your life?
It has given me an absolutely amazing community of women who have been the most wonderful support system and group of friends that I wish I had in my community. They are the best bunch of women that I’ve never met. It’s so true that some of your best friends can live in your computer.
What do you think makes a successful blog? A great blog? Are they one in the same?
They are definitely similar but not necessarily the same, not to me. A successful blog is the one that gets all the big traffic and the one that people know. They have all the “big sponsors” and they’re the ones that people want to be like. That’s all good and great. And there’s the GREAT blogs. It’s being awesome but more than hits. They’re the ones like Deb who truly speak they’re minds and are real and open and about LIFE. Many bloggers speak from the heart. Sometimes you blog for the hits. We’ve all done it and it happens. No harm no foul.
If you were to stop blogging today, what would you do with the rest of your life?
I would be fine. I would look back at what I wrote and be proud. But I would never let go of my blogging community.

How do you balance telling your story, without telling the story of others in your life?
That’s the hard part. I have to balance my true story with the privacy of my family. I struggle with that a lot. I really censor myself because I fight depression and anxiety. I don’t want people in my personal life to read it and judge my husband or my girls and think they are getting less than a wife or a mother. It’s also why I’ve pulled back on what I say about them. It’s a hard road to walk but it really is up to you as a blogger to decide how much you share and who your audience is. I’m very weary of my real life people, and that’s just because I am reserved with them in real life. I’m not one way online and different in person.
Blogging has changed a lot, just since I started 5 years ago, what do you miss about blogging in the early days? What do you love that has changed?
Blogging seemed to be a lot more carefree. Then you go through the phase where you want to really grow and get big. Then you get over it and just want to be.

How do you consistently come up with relevant and shareable content?
I really try to speak from the heart. A lot of that has to do with parenting, because damn that shiz is hard work! I think that’s something a lot of other women struggle with. We question our skills but often we just underestimate ourselves.
If you could have a dinner party for 6 people, living or dead, who would you invite?
OMG, Steve Jobs. I just finished his bio and I’m obsessed. My mom. She passed of cancer in 2006. DEB! Damn I love that girl. She’s so real. Three other computer friends. 🙂 I’m not a star gazer, so no one famous.
What’s the one thing that people would be surprised to learn about you?
I’m actually on a social media hiatus and that kind of happened during my depression. I’m just removed from social media and not really interested and that’s ok! The people that I’m connected to know where to find me and I know where to find them. I think that’s why I’m disconnected from the internet right now.

What’s the one post that you are most proud of?
The one where I laid it all out about my postpartum anxiety. I was really scared to hit publish because I had to admit that I’m human. What’s more? I sent it to a few people in my family.
https://justjessatx.com/postpartum-depression-maternal-mental-health/
Jess, Thank you so much for letting me interview you on This Blogger’s Life! You truly are one of my favorite people in the world and you know I am not about blowing smoke and rainbows up butts, so you when I say it, you know I mean it. Keep on keeping on, mama! You are an extraordinary woman and I feel blessed to be called your friend. XOXO
If you want to know more about Jess, check out the blog, JESS in the ATX on Facebook and @Jessesco on Twitter.
You will wonder why you didn’t have Jessica Escobar in your life sooner:)
2014/08/08
Hot Damn!Mama Got some New Brian James Shoes & I’m Giving Away a Pair
Shoes! God, do I love shoes and I am not just saying that because I’ve partnered with Brian James Footwear to check out their summer line. No matter how fat or skinny you are, your shoes (usually) always fit. I love that about shoes, they don’t betray you like a pair of bitchy jeans. Shoes and bags are by far the most forgiving of the clothing and accessories.
As I’ve gotten older (and wiser) I’ve realized that I don’t mind paying a little more for quality. I almost die of shame every time I think of the unlined dresses, see-thru tops and tight Gap jeans that I lived in in my 20’s and the shoes? I lived in Wild Pair platforms and Payless trendy boots. Thank God when you’re in your twenties you are pretty and too naïve to know how terribly skewed your fashion sense is.
Older and wiser, more money and a bigger caboose have made me realize that you get what you pay for and if you buy cheap, expect cheap. I used to shop BOGO sales like my life depended on it. I also owned 150 pairs of shoes one summer. These days, I prefer to spend $100 on a pair of nice shoes that fit well and don’t make me feel like I want to punch myself in the face.
This is why I adore Brain James Footwear. They are made by the same people who make PediPeds for your children and they are so comfortable but with a grown up fashion sense for the most discriminating taste.
I tried the Gabrielle in noir and the Monique in Black and Snakeskin. They are cute, chic and comfortable which is great news for this mama’s feet.
The Gabrielle Noir by Brian James
3.5 inch stacked wedge with a contemporary feel. This sandal wedge is styled with stone embellishments and unique cutouts, along with a Velcro closure for adjustability and raw edges for buttery comfort. Perfect for summer date nights with a cute little dress.
– Available in Noir and Taupe Kid Suede
– Features a cushioned footbed
– Velcro closure for adjustability
– Leather lining
– 3.5 inch stacked wedge
– Includes dust bag

The Monique in Black and snakeskin by Brian James Footwear
Minimally sleek. We reincarnated the classic ankle strap style with tonal color block and snake embossed leather. Silky cow leather, cushioned footbed and flexible rubber outsole create a lux feel without the fuss. I rock these everywhere and they are awesome because they work with capris, shorts or dresses. They are very versatile.
– Available in Nude, Noir & Noir, Snake
– Features silky, sheep leather & cushioned footbed
– Leather lining
– Velcro ankle strap for adjustability
– Includes dust bag
These are both perfect for this summer and into the fall, depending on where you live. Also, there are lots of great styles for this fall at Brian James. I’ve been a huge fan of this brand since my first pair. They are stylish, comfortable, well-made and super cute and who doesn’t love cute shoes? Speaking of cute shoes, Brian James is letting me give away one pair of shoes to a reader. To enter, simply go to the Brian James website and leave me a comment HERE telling me what your favorite pair is. I will randomly select a winner a week from today. Contest ends August 12 at midnight! Good luck.
So, what is your favorite pair of shoes from Brain James footwear?
2014/08/05
What Would You Do if Someone You Loved Went Missing while Visiting Another Country?
We’ve all seen those stories about college kids in other countries studying abroad only to never come home because they go missing, right? Or those kids whose parents took them on a trip to some magical, tropical island and poof! they disappear into thin air? Well, my dad lives 2,162 Miles from home in Mexico for 8 months of the year and this morning, he was missing. Let me restate, as far as I knew this morning, he had been missing for 8 days! This is not something that I would normally talk about but it happened and my nerves are pretty much shot so I’m trying to process all of this the only way I know how.
This morning I received a phone call from my sister, asking if I had heard from my father. My mom still works so she is still in the states all year round. Me, not hearing from my father for a week or even a month is not cause for concern but my mom gets daily phone calls. No phone call since July 27^th. None. We called AT&T and the phone has not pinged since that day and every time we call it, it goes straight to voicemail. There is no ringing. My dad is in his 60’s. So, I go into full panic mode. I’m a fixer. I can’t wait for things to work themselves out. That is not me. I was one hair away from hopping a plane to Mexico.
The first thing I did was call the phone to confirm that it is, in fact, going directly to voicemail. It is. I know because I called 75 times (sort of like when, in disbelief, I found out I was pregnant and took 17 pregnancy tests). Still, it went straight to Voicemail. Then I did what any sane person would do, I called all my brothers and sisters and then I called the town. Yes, the town he lives in ….in MEXICO!
He lives in a very small town and back in the 80’s before cell phones and people having landlines, in this particularly small part of Mexico, we called the post office. I called that number and in my best rusty Spanish, I asked someone (anyone) to please go check on my father and to either call me back and let me know what was going on or to have him call me. Do you know how hard it is to track down someone who lives virtually off the grid? Think trying to locate Lewis and Clark without a cellphone or GPS. The nice woman on the other end said she would call me as soon as she knew anything. Meanwhile, I had to wait. I am not good at waiting. I am the worst waiter in the history of the world, especially when it potentially relates to the health and safety of my father.
So, I did what any insane with worry person would do, I Facebooked every cousin I know and asked them to ask their parents to call the city, call their family and friends in that small town and then I called in the big guns. I called my best friend (Who speaks Spanish like a native) and had her inquire on my behalf. This was all within 30 minutes of my original call, one Xanax and a phone call to a long lost uncle. Desperate times, desperate measures my friends.
You see, my dad is a healthy 66-years old man, he rides his bike and runs and is a very much a loner. He likes his solitude. I guess he needed the quiet after living in a house with 6 kids for all those years. Anyways, the nice woman at the post office told my BFF that she had went to the house after “Debi” ( that’s me the crazy one) called and it wasn’t broken into and his vehicles were there and he was probably just out riding his bike, as he does daily. Apparently, everyone knows him in town and she told us not to worry she would go check again in a bit. Then my cousin walked into the post office and said, I just saw him riding his bike in the plaza. Weird, right? I still wasn’t satisfied. I needed eyes on the old man STAT!
I had no solace. I spent my morning crying and imagining the worst possible scenario. I went to a dark place in my head. I was imagining that I would need to rush a passport and grab a flight to Mexico to collect a body.A BODY! I couldn’t handle it. I was on the verge of hysterics I was sure he’d gone off into the mountains and either gotten hit by a car, bitten by a snake or worse. WORSE!! Mexico worse, not US worse. The worst.
Just as the Xanax kicked in and I was about to call the federales in Mexico and then the embassy, the phone rang. It was my sister telling me that my dad was on the phone with my mom. His iPhone has died. I’m sure he is annoyed that I called the city multiple times and sent people over to find him. He is a very private person but he should know that if someone I love goes missing, I’ll never quit looking until I find him. I don’t give up. So, here I sit emotionally drained from this mornings events and all I want to do is hug my dad but that won’t be happening until November.
I always thought the worst feeling in the world was when your kid wandered off in the Target and hid under the racks for 2 seconds and it scared the crap out of you but apparently, losing your dad in another country where you can’t just look for him or call the cops is a pretty close second. I’m thinking of putting a chip in my dad next time he’s home. I’m not kidding. I’m not sure I can handle this happening again. A contingency plan has to be put into place or an intervention…for me.
What would you have done if a family member went missing while in another country?
2014/08/04
This Blogger’s Life… Vera Sweeney ( @VeraSweeney)
Today’s guest on This Blogger’s Life is the delightfully funny and super stylish, Vera Sweeney of Lady and the Blog and Getting Gorgeous with BFF Audrey McClelland. Did I mention they also run the Permission to Hustle Group and the PTH Retreat?
I am fairly certain that the woman never sleeps. I’ve never met Vera but she is a powerhouse blogger who has been rocking the blogging world for nearly a decade. She takes her businesses seriously but she is a wickedly funny, lighthearted lady with a great sense a humor. I’ve learned that just from watching her youtube channel.
The more I learned about Vera through the interview the more impressed I was not only by how she’s built her business but her dedication to her family. Finding the balance between family and career is something I struggle with and I love seeing moms who figure out that happy medium. Go Vera! I truly loved getting to know Vera Sweeney through her interview and I know you will too.
This Blogger’s Life…Vera Sweeney
Why did you start blogging?
I started blogging in 2005 after the birth of my first child. Blogging became a way for me to reconnect with the world during my daughter’s naptimes. It was my little escape from isolation.
What’s one piece of advice that you would give to a new blogger?
Don’t expect to break through and hit 6 figures in your first month. I feel like that is the new wave of thinking these days. People assume that if they start a blog they will immediately earn some sort of revenue. It took me several years before I received my first paycheck.
Start because you have a passion to write or to connect – not because you are looking for a “get rich quick” scheme.
What are the three words that describe you best?
Type A, Semi-Manic, Hilarious (what? too much?)
What is your favorite website?
That’s a hard one! I don’t know. I’m going to go with Pinterest since that’s where I spend the vast majority of my day.
READ ALSO: This Blogger’s Life, Ree Drummond
What is your favorite thing to do when you’re not blogging?
I would say traveling with my family. But honestly, when I travel I usually end up blogging about the adventure. So, I guess that’s not the greatest answer. Anything is fair game because I write a lifestyle blog. If I watch a movie, take a pottery class, or spend the entire day napping in my backyard, then I can mold each and every one of those experiences into a potential post.
What’s the most important thing you’ve learned about yourself from blogging?
I am a workaholic and that’s not a bad thing. I used to wear that word with shame – especially when my children were younger. I have learned through time that it is simply who I am and that doesn’t make me a terrible person. I enjoy putting in the effort and the long hours. Some people can’t understand this about me. They see a work-from-home mom of three and they expect a different type of person when they meet me. I’ve stopped worrying about them.
How do you balance life and blogging? How has blogging changed you or your life?
Life is blogging. Everything I do is content for my blog. I’m really lucky in that sense. If I cook a great meal for dinner (AS RARE AS THAT IS), I take pictures as I go and then I post it the very next day. It’s just part of our lives.
I truly believe blogging has made my life 100% better. My husband quit his job in 2007 and has stayed at home ever since. He manages our 4 websites and takes on the kids when I am away. We have been a true partnership for many, many years.
My children get to see their dad 24 hours a day. Not many families are lucky enough to have this set up and I never let that escape me. I am always grateful for our lives. I am so thankful that he is home with us and that wouldn’t be our reality if it wasn’t for blogging.
READ ALSO: This Blogger’s Life, Jill Smokler
What do you think makes a successful blog? A great blog? Are they one in the same?
Honesty. A real voice. No filter. And excuse me, I don’t mean Instagram filters because I use a million of those. I mean giving your readers a TRUE LOOK into your life. Get rid of the pixie dust. I think people have moved beyond that and are ready for a dose of reality. People want something that they can relate to. Everyone is looking to connect. Be that friend.
A great blog vs. a successful blog? I don’t know. That’s a hard question for me. Money comes to mind when I formulate my answer but I know plenty of successful fashion bloggers in NYC that aren’t making a lot of money. They have a ton of klout during fashion week though. It depends what the end user wants. I think this is a really personal question. Each blogger needs to define this one on their own.
If you were to stop blogging today, what would you do with the rest of your life?
There are two things that I still have to do before my time is upon this Earth. I have to write a book. I started one already and I will leave it at that. It’s completely unrelated to this field just in case you thought I was going to go there.
The other dream I have is to open up a little shop in town. I have always wanted to do something like that but I know that it will require a lot of time and I don’t want to give that up while my children are so young. So, I think the latter will happen when all my babies are in college.
How do you balance telling your story, without telling the story of others in your life?
I’m an only child. This is actually really easy for me.
Blogging has changed a lot, just since I started 5 years ago, what do you miss about blogging in the early days?
When I first started blogging in 2005, there were maybe 15 celebrity gossip bloggers. Imnotobsessed.com used to get around 7 million impressions a month. We were ROCKING big time and I loved every second of it. Now, everyone has a blog and I mean everyone. My mother, my daughter and the crossing guard at our school – everyone has a blog. So, the playing field is absolutely saturated which means it isn’t as easy to hit those numbers. I have to work a lot harder to get noticed by brands. I miss being one of the only few doing it. Is that so selfish of me to say?! I told you I am an only child! HA! My celebrity gossip site gets about half the amount of traffic it used to… so you can see where I am coming from!
What do you love that has changed?
I love how big the community has grown. It’s sort of the double-sided coin if you read my previous answer. I have met SO MANY PEOPLE that I would have never known. TRULY! My favorite part of my job is meeting other bloggers. In fact, I met my best friend through blogging – Audrey McClelland from Mom Generations.
How do you consistently come up with relevant and shareable content?
I live a full life. I lived in NYC up until 7 years ago when we moved to Long Island. We are constantly going into the city to watch new shows, attend previews, parades, try out new restaurants or walk through festivals. We also travel a LOT. Live a rich life and then document it.
If you could have a dinner party for 6 people, living or dead, who would you invite?
Honestly – I’m not the best person for this question. I’m just not that deep. It’s somewhere between Jensen Ackles and Matthew McConaughey. You don’t want me to fill up this table. It would be obnoxious.
What’s the one thing that people would be surprised to learn about you?
I believe in the zombie apocalypse.
What’s the one post that you are most proud of?
Hmmm… good one. I wrote this one about my baby boy and it got some traction. I guess if I had to pick… https://www.ladyandtheblog.com/2014/04/28/41-reasons-why-you-should-have-that-last-baby/
Thank you so much for letting me interview you, Vera. I know you are super busy but I loved getting to know you better through this interview. Keep rocking the blogging world!
READ ALSO: How Blogging Changed My Life
If you’d like to know more about Vera Sweeney check out her blogs ( listed and linked above) and Facebook!

2014/08/01
My Promise To Baby Was Made Before I Ever Met Her
What was your promise to baby?
I am partnering with JOHNSON’S® Baby and Latina Bloggers Connect to share with you avery special campaign that Johnson’s has undertaken to make moms feel safe.JOHNSON’S® Baby always listens to moms and although their products have always been safe, they took a stand and changed their formulas to give moms peace of mind.
We all make promises to our babies. From the moment we know that they exist, we make an unspoken promise to care for them and love them until the day we die. It is the single largest commitment we will ever make in our lifetimes. From the moment we hear that first heartbeat, until we draw our last breath, we promise to love our babies and keep them safe. That’s what we do as parents.
Before we ever got pregnant, I would pray to God to let me be a mother someday. I promised myself that when I had my own child, there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect her and keep her happy. Mind you, we weren’t trying at the time. We were planning to plan and I wasn’t in a hurry but I knew that I wanted to become a mother, I wanted to love someone “all in” the selfless, fulfilling way that only a mother can.
I remember each time that I found out that I was pregnant, I promised myself that I would love my baby unconditionally every day for the rest of my life. I promised myself that every moment would count because, every moment is a gift. Even if that moment has you in tears over a colicky newborn and your heart being held hostage by a toddler, those are the moments when we keep those quiet promises that we make to God and to unborn children.
From the moment that I first held my daughters, I looked into their sweet faces and remember thinking what did I do to deserve this? I don’t deserve this. This precious and perfect little person is more than I deserve. I remember feeling, for the first time in my life, that I was not the center of my universe and that I had a much greater purpose. Motherhood fulfilled me. It completed me. I believe that motherhood is my true purpose, everything else just exists comorbidly.
I promise to always love my daughters, even when I don’t necessarily like them. I promise to listen, even when I don’t like what I am hearing. I promise to always be there, no matter how dire the circumstances because I am a mother and my most important mission in life is to make sure that my babies are safe and know they are loved completely. I don’t take chances when it comes to my children. There is nothing more important in the world to me and if that means sacrifice and inconvenience, it’s all worth it to me to get the honor of being their mommy.
Thankfully, JOHNSON’S Baby always listens to moms and to give us peace of mind and eliminate any doubt of the safety of their product for our little ones, they changed the formula. They made a sacrifice so we could trust and know that our children’s health are not at risk.
The seven newly reformulated products:
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby HEAD-TO-TOE® Wash
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby Lotion
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby Shampoo
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby Shampoo & Conditioner for Thick and Curly Hair
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby Shampoo & Conditioner for Thin and Straight Hair
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby Shampoo with Calming Lavender
○ JOHNSON’S® Baby Soothing Vapor Baby Bath
This video concept was inspired by a Japanese legend that folding 1,000 origami cranes will result in a wish granted and a promise fulfilled, which is thought to be a big labor of love. Changing Johnson’s baby products was their labor of love for moms and babies. The Johnson and Johnson’s family made 1000 origami storks in their video because they represent the delivery of babies, and the hopes and promises of families. I think the sentiment behind the video is beautiful, as is every mother’s commitment to her child.
2014/07/31